Disappointed by my date today

Platipus6 · 2021-11-27T12:09:31+00:00

I think the ick is realising he forgot you're there and is just blurting out his stream of consciousness.

I had a man hold my arm out and walk around me commenting, like I was on one of those tailoring platforms, it was so dehumanizing. Inspecting the goods. Pleased with himself.

ro0ibos2 · 2021-11-27T16:23:55+00:00

This reminds me of a date I recently went on (the seatless Starbucks date I mentioned on another recent FDS post).

I went to give him a polite hug goodbye after suggesting to see each other again (to give the possibly clueless man a second chance). Did he politely hug back like a normal person? NOPE! He used that as an opportunity to squeeze my torso while feeling me up and down, and then grabbed my butt with one of his grubby hands.

“Nice ass”

I say nothing back but give him a shocked look.

He returns the look with an “I surrender” hand motion.

He texted me about meeting again. I tell him “Not a good fit. Good luck.” Blocked.

The man was 36. I assumed men at this age would be more mature. smh.

awhileagonow · 2021-11-27T08:56:28+00:00

Apart from the ick factor (which I know and understand) it's just jarring and a total conversation killer. What are you meant to do, thank him for the compliment over and over again? I think acting like this on a date is so ick because it's out of context. This is a guy you barely know saying really quite intimate things. Complimenting your body should be saved for an intimate situation not thrown about in a car park on day 1.

Angeli_33 · 2021-11-27T11:19:22+00:00

The way I see it, he is horny and so he is trying to butter you up to give it up sooner.

TherulerT · 2021-11-27T09:17:19+00:00

Lol he's following seduction advice, he's afraid he kept things too thoughtful and that he had to turn things to physical matters. Not only is that advice pretty dumb, the way he went about it was even dumber.

And no you're right, single compliments about your body are weird. Multiple ones are just unbearable, what are you supposed to do at that point except tell him to piss off?

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-27T15:20:08+00:00

umm... yes. I had one man tell me he wanted to be my bf because he liked my ass....

that's not a good reason to e with someone, let's face it. men are stupid.

daisy_0720 · 2021-11-27T11:16:48+00:00

Damn, he couldn't even keep the mask on for one date?

This shows that he was just after sex and saw the 'intelligent, thoughtful' conversations as a tedious necessity he had to sit through in order to get there. He couldn't even pretend for a single evening that he genuinely wanted to get to know OP as a person before creepily turning the conversation to what he was really after (her body).

This might go against FDS guidance but this is why I will next a man if he hasn't asked me out on a date within a week. Those two weeks you spent 'talking' meant that you built him up in your head before even meeting him, which is why your disappointment is so acute now. The date is where you get to see what he's really like, which is why you shouldn't wait too long before meeting in person.

asianinindia · 2021-11-27T09:15:36+00:00

Ew but okay should be the standard response from now on I guess. This isn't really a compliment you give untill the relationship has crossed a certain stage isn't it? Or am I just totally old-fashioned?

Like I'd want my SO to tell me how sexy he finds me only after we are in a relationship. Even then not repeatedly like this. That's so.....cringe.

apple_cores · 2021-11-27T09:57:54+00:00

Yes. It’s fine to compliment once on a date, perhaps when he first sees you, but excessively is weird. Like he can’t control himself or he thinks he has you or is losing you so he has to resort to basic flattery.

I’m curvy too and had to take down almost all body pictures (except for one that’s taken from far away and you can’t see my shape well) when online dating. I would get such stupid comments that made me laugh they were so dumb. I get slightly less matches now and that’s fine with me. It’s still a dumpster fire but hopefully I weeded out some of the basic h*e men.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2021-11-27T18:12:25+00:00

It's all about context. If someone you have been dating for a while and know well compliments your figure, then that's great.

But in this case...on the first date? Looking you up and down and making comments about your body when he's literally just met you? It sounds like porn use has fried his brain. No wonder you felt "ick"!

Kimpractical · 2021-11-27T20:44:03+00:00

This is what porn does to men

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-11-27T15:59:03+00:00

It's porn sickness. 🚮

Determinedblonde · 2021-11-27T08:50:09+00:00

I get what you mean. It sounds fake if someone starts lovebombing like that and it can actually make you feel insecure and wonder if he thinks the opposite. He’s assuming you have a problem with your body, when it’s him who’s the issue.

Scoobyginger25 · 2021-11-27T12:40:34+00:00

One respectful comment on my appearance is fine but if it’s constant then I get so uncomfortable

whoreallycares32 · 2021-11-28T01:57:28+00:00

Recent grossness from bumble: - Can you send me more full body pictures? (Umm, WHY? it's either to add it to the spank bank or you are trying to figure out, what? If I'm fat, or just not your porno version of woman? - Me, (after a week of chats): looking forward to our date today. Him: yeah, I'm getting horny thinking about it. Me: deal breaker - (totally normal conversation before this) Me: sure, I'd love to meet up, what are you thinking? Him: how about we fuck behind a random dumpster?

Seriously, the DEPRAVITY of these men

extragouda · 2021-11-27T12:17:49+00:00

I am so done with OLD. Even the ones that seem decent turn out to be low-effort guys who think it's okay to talk about your body on a first date. And they lie. All of them that I've met on OLD and dated have lied.

Take for example the date I went on today.

- Matched on OLD and texted for 2 weeks, due to conflicting schedules, could not meet sooner.

- He seemed to align with my values, called himself a feminist, and just from his pictures and and voice, seemed really a decent prospect. I didn't video call him because I hate being on video. So I assumed that his OLD pictures were accurate. Profile said he was 6'2", average build.

- We seemed to have similar types of family backgrounds.

- He expressed interest in my work, started planning dates beyond the first coffee date (1st red flag), and said that he bought me stuff (food that I said that I liked).

- We met for coffee. I only meet people on OLD for coffee because this means I can nope out of there quickly if I have to. The guy is not 6'2". He is 6'4". Now, for me, taller is NOT better. He is also 80lbs heavier than his pictures, had dark circles under his eyes like he might have had a tragic coffee habit. But he was well-dressed. He made an effort. I was just NOT attracted to him AT ALL. Also... he was wearing a ring on his left hand.

- I instantly regretted meeting him. He was polite, we chatted politely for 1 hour, he gave me presents, which I accepted but said that it was better if he hadn't. Then he asked if there would be a 2nd date. I said no, I said, well... I'm just too short for you, it seems.

- He said, I don't think so.

- I said, well I think so, sorry.

- We parted amicably.

- Then he texted and demanded to know why I think height is an issue.

I don't like to have to justify my choices and so I won't. Men have to respect them. If my choice is "no, I don't want to date you," that's a choice they have to respect. Men lie on OLD. They lie about being taller, they lie about being shorter. They lie about being single or married or even bisexual and polyamorous. They lie about how much money they have. They use old photos so that when they show up in real life, they are older and much, much fatter. They try to hit up women who are more educated, intelligent, richer, or more attractive than them (attractive because they actually look after their health), and then they want you to justify your choice to not continue seeing them. They try to get handsy on dates, and hold your hand when you would rather not. So to answer your question, yes, I react negatively to strangers making comments about my body on first dates, even if the stranger is the person I am dating. I do not like to hold hands with or hug strangers either.

On-line dating sucks. It's very, very difficult for people who are more introverted to find anyone these days. I think that as on-line dating has become more popular, it has actually become more difficult to meet people both in real life and online.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-27T17:35:55+00:00

Diuh so pornsick, yeah stranger we love the comments about our body like we don’t exist

Muffcakelord · 2021-11-27T20:39:18+00:00

Someone kept mentioning how good my ass looks and i was like "yeah i know it's nice" and they kept mentioning it while saying "i hope you don't mind me saying". For some reason it makes it even worse, i just want to brush it off but it forces me to either say "actually i do mind it" followed by some explanation probably or silently comply

august-27 · 2021-11-27T17:57:30+00:00

The year is 2021. When will people learn that it's not socially acceptable to comment on other people's bodies? I don't care if you're complimenting me, it's rude as fuck.

How does the saying go? If the person can't alter something in 2 minutes or less, don't point it out. If something is stuck in their teeth, sure let them know. People do NOT need to hear your thoughts about their muscles, tissues, or bone structure.

chainsawbobcat · 2021-11-28T00:39:41+00:00

Yup keep the commentary to yourself until you've established the mutual trust and understanding.

afab_100 · 2021-11-28T16:25:57+00:00

I was disappointed by a guy too, in a different way. My bf lasted 5 seconds and told me he never lasted longer in bed before 😭 I can't resort to a life like this. He didn't even try to get me off another way

Title	Disappointed by my date today
Author	Pryras
Upvotes	769
Comments	77
Date	November 27, 2021 8:32 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r397vt/disappointed_by_my_date_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/disappointed-by-my-date-today.1086327 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086327

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