If age gap relationships are frowned upon due to an experience gap, then can’t the same be said if a higher n count woman dates a man with a lower n count?

operapeach · 2022-08-17T20:36:57+00:00

“Experience” isn’t just in reference to sexual experience lmao men are so one track minded

It’s about general relational experience, life experience, milestones, etc. too

The elder partner is always a predator regardless. Maybe 2/100 age gap relationships are not formed based on these things and are actually healthy and equitable

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-17T12:51:44+00:00

Anyone could use sex as leverage that way even if they've slept with nobody before. We don't see those who've slept around more as authorities the same way we see older people as authorities.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-08-17T12:58:44+00:00

People outside Reddit dont seem to be so hung up on age gaps nor counts.

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-17T12:47:54+00:00

I think not all age gap relationships are frowned upon. They are if they hit one of several points:

The age gap is huge
A younger partner is barely legal/is a minor/there are some chances they were groomed as a minor
An older partner always goes for much younger partners
A younger partner always goes for much older (and wealthier) partners
There's abuse and control issues
An older partner holds views close to "raise/mold for yourself"

There is also a bunch of practical downsides to huge age gap relationships and most people have no issues seeing and admitting their existence.

I'm not sure you can relate them to a gap in specifically sexual experience. Of course, it can cause some issues as well, but they're less visible and probably less discussed by people outside of pills. It's also not something as easily noticeable as an age gap difference.

2022-08-17T13:06:23+00:00

Age gap relationships being " frowned" on has not stopped anybody from getting into them though. It is not as if somebody has passed " don't marry your Daddy" legislation. People are going to people. By the time somebody is in one of those relationship of course they will double down when people attack them. Same with high N women/ low N men.

The attractive high N woman with an appealing personality is not going to struggle in dating or relationships. She is not going to care if somebody frowns on her.

And before somebody jumps in with HVM BS, there just are not that many so no woman is missing out on an opportunity. Most people who love their partner think of them as valuable and if they don't at some piont the relationship will end.

wymynmoment · 2022-08-17T13:27:40+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/woz3jt/i_32f_dating_this_guy_who_has_never_dated_anyone/ike736a/

Woman explains why dating someone without relationship experience is actually great

upalse · 2022-08-17T15:26:03+00:00

You need to translate "maturity" or "experience" into "power". Women are rarely literal creatures. Read the subtext.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-08-17T18:18:36+00:00

lmao this is so fucking dumb

anjovis150 · 2022-08-17T18:30:36+00:00

It's not even remotely the same thing lol

That__EST · 2022-08-17T14:44:30+00:00

I'm going to go out and say that in my anecdotal experience, men with significantly lower N Counts than their women partners actually do form resentment against their partner. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it happens.

Novadina · 2022-08-17T16:27:43+00:00

I really don’t see how having more sex partners can be used for anything?

Women dating men with a significant gap in sexual relationships can leverage her experience to her advantage I.e. withdraw sex, intimacy, attention, to get her man to fall in line since he doesn’t know how to deal with those scenarios and he may feel as if he has more to lose.

A virgin woman could “withdraw sex”, just as easily as someone with 100 partners, couldn’t she??? I don’t see how the number of her past partners has anything to do with that.

An older man tends to have all the financial power, what I have seen happen to young women is something like this:

Older man promises young woman he will spoil her with all his money, she’ll never have to want for anything.
He buys her expensive gifts that she can show off and she feels all special and lucky.
He gets her pregnant and she moves in, she thinks they are starting their fairy tale life together.
He says she doesn’t have to work as he makes enough money, so she can stay home and have a chill life.
She finds out it’s actually a lot of work taking care of the baby! She wants to do some fun things too, so she tries to find some hobbies and make some friends.
She asks for some money to do things or go out. He says no.
She has no money of her own because she was too young to ever accumulate any, so while he owns the house she lives in, she doesn’t have a cent.
He buys her some gifts and says he Ioves her too much to let her leave the house or have other friends, and she needs to stay home and care for his babies.
She can’t do anything on her own as she has no access to the money. She never thought to make sure she had a credit card, he had said before he’d buy her anything she wanted, she never realized she would be stuck in the house all day.

Now, not all age gap relationships do this, some are honestly just two people in love. But this is an example of how a man with all the financial power can take advantage of a naive woman who doesn’t realize some adult realities.

I’m not seeing how a woman with twice as many partners as a man could take advantage of him the way a man twice a woman’s age and that many decades more of wealth accumulation has. It’s not like you accumulate “sex points” with new partners that you can then use somehow…

NationalistGoy · 2022-08-17T15:48:28+00:00

Age gap relationships are NOT frowned upon due to an experience gap, they are frowned upon because of jelaousy or envy.

Not all, but a lot of women in their 20's date guys who are 30 years old or older, and they see nothing wrong with it, because they are reaping the benefits of these age gap relationships, they get to travel with these men, they go to restaurants with these men, they get gifts like the latest iPhone from these men, etc.

However when these women turn 30+ years old and they are still single, that's when they have a problem with it, because men their age are not paying attention to 30+ year old women, men in their 30s are paying attention to the women in their 20s.

And what do these women say about those men?

"these men don't date women my age because they are insecure"
"these men are creeps for going after younger women"
"these men only go for young women because they are easier to manipulate"
"these men only want to take advantage of these vulnerable/naive young women"
"these men want trophy wives"
"these men are inmature, eternal bachelors"

It's a bitter game to play, but that's just how life is.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-08-17T12:44:09+00:00

i would say yes but why does it have to go only one way? it is true for a high n count man and low n count women as well

Truth_Antisocial · 2022-08-17T17:01:12+00:00

Younger women have way more power in age gap relationships, because whoever is able to walk has the power.

I'm trying to change your view, specifically, that it has shit to do with an "experience gap."

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-17T17:33:47+00:00

I mean what if the dude has had more penetrative sex and the woman has had more manual stimulation?

What if the lady has had more sexual encounters and tried everything in the book but with fewer partners?

Is someone who has had sex 100 times with only two people more or less experienced than someone who has had sex 30 times with 10 people?

If you were a mountain climber at a mountain climbing dating social group, would you still consider dating someone much more advanced than you in mountain climbing even though they have more experience in both of your favorite hobbies?

You assume that a significant number of sexually experienced women would even think to leverage sex like a manipulation or weapon instead of just enjoying sharing an experience with someone she's hot for.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-08-17T14:12:55+00:00

I have never seen a woman on her take issue with the idea of an inexperienced man preferring an inexperienced partner. If anything I have had more men try to convince me that a female virgin should want an experienced partner. Unless you would disagree with those men, this is just a gotcha and not a sincere belief.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-08-17T12:40:27+00:00

You right homie

Dramatic-Emu-1196 · 2022-08-17T18:11:01+00:00

Shhhhhh don’t say it out loud

toasterchild · 2022-08-17T14:32:27+00:00

You could have 4 partners and have had sex 4 times or you could have had 4 partners and had sex hundreds or thousands of times. A body count of how many people who's genitals you have seen means very little.

Age gap relationships aren't frowned on because the older person has more experience, they are frowned upon because they are often controlling and abusive. If you are dating a woman with more experience who is using it to be controlling and abusive that is also wrong.

deznue · 2022-08-17T13:00:48+00:00

Yeah, seems to be the major issue with beta bucks settling with women with high body count… that’s why they should go and gain sexual experience with younger girls or use these high n women as spinning plates.

KayRay1994 · 2022-08-17T13:32:30+00:00

In today’s episode of “how can I find a way to hate women who aren’t sleeping with me”

These are not the same thing, the difference between a high body count and big age gaps is that a girl with a low count can leverage things just as much if she wanted to, a guy with a low or high count can both fall for or ignore all of it if he so wanted - don’t confuse one’s internal issues with intimacy as the fault of the other person. The issue with big age gaps (especially if the younger partner is barely tasting their own independence) is that the much older person is often robbing the younger, less experienced person of making their own life experiences and forming their own perspective

Morwening · 2022-08-17T13:11:48+00:00

Aspects of age-gap discourse online have annoyed me for a while, mainly the way it is inherently about judging other people's relationships from the outside and using sweeping generalisation to unfairly paint one party as an abuser whilst simultaneously treating the other party like a dullard with no agency who's incapable of making their own rational decisions. Like most internet social justice clichés it started from a sensible point, acknowledging that there can be imbalances of power between parties in relationships, however the flattening of nuance that comes from these points being raised endlessly led people to forget that age is not the only axis in which power can exist. Intelligence, confidence, support groups, friendship groups, familiarity with an area or 'scene', ethics, mental and physical health and any number of things can all lead to imbalances.

BetaNatalis · 2022-08-17T17:39:51+00:00

Age gaps are frowned up for a number of reasons, the largest being the power imbalance due to the younger individual (typically the woman) being naive enough to accept unhealthy and\or abusive behavior because they just don’t know any better, things they wouldn’t put up with if they were older and more experienced. This can look like literal physical abuse, financial abuse, grossly unfair domestic workload, etc….lots and lots of things outside of sexual experience imbalances.

For example, in the stepparent sub, the most common type of post is from a young woman 19-22 with no children of her own in her first relationship with a man who is in his late thirties with three I’ll-behaved kids. She is wondering why she is unhappy being treated like an unpaid babysitter, maid, cook, chauffeur, etc when she is trying to finish college. The inequity of the situation is obvious to most of us but that young woman truly feels bad that she wants to live her own life without the baggage and expectation that she babysit and clean after HIS three children 24/7. This same woman at 27-30 would laugh at this expectation because she has the experience to see the situation for what it is.

Edit: on mobile, fixed typos, spelling and incorrect auto-correct.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-08-17T14:00:39+00:00

you can say what you want but years of life change you as a person a lot more than sexual partners do.

krinky_dink · 2022-08-17T13:07:30+00:00

Nobody is actually opposed to age gaps because of an "experience gap" (aside from a genuine groomer situation). They oppose it because it's pretty damn hard to compete with young, fit women with less baggage and no kids, so they'd rather shame you out of pursuing them by saying it's "weird and creepy" to date them, and that you should settle for them instead.

Bandit174 · 2022-08-17T13:00:35+00:00

No you silly goose. N count gaps are not disadvantageous for women so its totally fine.

InsigOpin · 2022-08-17T13:41:08+00:00

Ahhh I know its deviating from the question A LOT, but just a thought. Dont think its fair to say that age gaps are just cause of experience gaps for means of leverage. I think age gap relationships are largely frowned upon as its often just feels like an objectification on looks? prioritizing someone more "youthful" or whatever just generally feels kinda shady imo. Most of the time u will have an implied disconnect over a range of issues and it feels like a decided sacrifice for a shallow preference. Plus, when u get into lower and lower age brackets, it kinda calls to question, if the law wasnt there, would you stop yourself?

femm-fatale · 2022-08-17T13:29:37+00:00

I wouldn’t want to date a guy who had a lower body count than me, seems emasculating

SunnySideAttitude · 2022-08-17T13:40:26+00:00

What about an age gap relationship where the older partner has never had a relationship before?

Hysterical__Paroxysm · 2022-08-17T17:04:28+00:00

Sex is only one aspect of a romantic relationship and still only one aspect of a partnership.

As we age, we gain maturity, security, skills, and knowledge in many aspects of ourselves and members of society, not just with interpersonal relationships.

Yes, we gain more insight into sexual "do's" and "don'ts," (generalized), we learn what WE like (turn-ons, -offs, kinks, boundaries) and we form our standards from that for sexual intimacy.

But we also learn how to budget with a primary partner in mind, how to resolve conflict and disagreements within the domestic sphere (I don't care that my creepy coworker doesn't like my hair cut, but I do consider my partner's preferences and would want his opinion if I were drastically changing my appearance, even if he disagreed), proper division of labor, fairness, realistic goal setting, etc...

Each relationship, we usually grow. I know I did. In high school, I liked my HS SH because he had a job, a car, and held similar interests. But...he was financially irresponsible, careless, unmotivated, and selfish. Eventually, I left, and he learned how to better those parts of himself and has grown into a wonderful person. As I aged, it wasn't just "car and job." It was wanting to know what their career plans were, and the path the planned to reach those goals. What about interests and hobbies--did he fairly balanced our leisure activities in relation to responsibilities and personal growth? Or was he still in community college (which is fine for personal and career growth) but skipping class to go have fun, doing the bare minimum, etc.? Are they family oriented? Do they agree about having children? Do they see themselves staying in this city, or moving elsewhere?

Really, I am a much better person holistically in my 30s than in my 20s or teens. What's the point of dating someone seriously if it can't turn into marriage/long-term commitment? The people I've dated and tried to build a life with are wayyyyy different than the people I have had FWB situations with.

thedarkseducer · 2022-08-17T18:09:52+00:00

I’ve only seen women enforce the age gap or frown upon it and if you think about it, it’s only because women typically won’t date someone younger but older. So they try to enforce this

beleidigtewurst · 2022-08-17T13:36:07+00:00

My thought is that "age gap frowned upon" unless we involve super young like 18 y.o. is BS that needs to go.

Most of the time, I suspect, it gets raised by frustrated women who see that male peers can easily find partners from a much younger pool.

It isn't a real issue.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-08-17T17:20:42+00:00

Uh no. Age gap relationships are exploitative when men are older because men have systemic power in this society, and the older they get the more they are able to realize this power.

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RealNiceLady · 2022-08-17T20:59:58+00:00

If age gap relationships are frowned upon due to an experience gap, then can’t the same be said if a higher n count woman dates a man with a lower n count?

What about when a low count woman dates a higher n count man?

Women dating men with a significant gap in sexual relationships can leverage her experience to her advantage I.e. withdraw sex, intimacy, attention, to get her man to fall in line since he doesn’t know how to deal with those scenarios and he may feel as if he has more to lose.

All women of all n counts act that way.

This is no different than when women say older men are leveraging their life experiences or finances etc to get younger women to fall in line.

That only happens if the man is misogynistic.

Poly_frolicher · 2022-08-17T22:22:42+00:00

Why is this even a question? If someone “leverages” their experience, money, power, etc, it’s wrong across the board.

I think men think women leverage sex as a control, when most women simply aren’t in the mood if they are fighting. I’ve never used sex as a weapon, but I’ve been accused of it. Using anything as power to manipulate someone else is wrong (but is, unfortunately, pretty normal.)

The age gap is a trope. It is accurate enough to remain a trope, but is not universally applicable. It has become synonymous with grooming, and shouldn’t be. As a society, we need to take each case on it’s merits.

All that said, every interaction between two or more people is generally someone trying to manipulate someone else to their way of thinking. Human nature. How that is accomplished and how we handle that decides whether it is just another Tuesday, or malignant.

2022-08-18T02:17:43+00:00

Jodi Arias bro, I would but ya know she was like a fully automated sex bot programmed to kill that poor naive dude

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-08-18T02:38:28+00:00

Experience gap is regarding life experience. Not bedroom experience. I had pretty decent ex boyfriends. But looking back, i realized a lot of things he did or said was toxic (they were overall not that bad). Likewise, a lot if things i did and said were toxic. We had a lot to grow in maturity.

Scarypaperplates · 2022-08-18T03:10:45+00:00

But also younger women can have more dating experience than older men and leverage that as well to try and get what she wants.

So would you be fine with a 40yr old virgin woman dating a 20yr old virgin man? Why or why not?

wtknight · 2022-08-17T14:23:50+00:00

I don’t agree with the argument, but I think that the argument about age gaps has to do with brain development, not with sexual experience. Those who have an issue would just as much problem with a 30 year old virgin dating an 18 year old who has a double digit N.

havemorefunonreddit · 2022-08-17T16:17:09+00:00

The problem is not experience in dating lol. Experience is just a euphemism for age. The problem is age. One has had more years on this planet, spent all their life around people of a different age, and their cells are at a further point of deterioration.

Vtridolla · 2022-08-17T17:52:30+00:00

I mean you definitely could say that I just think it would be wrong and they aren’t really comparable. Like age and the growth of your frontal lobe of your brain vs you experience with sex is kind of dumb to compare to me.

majani · 2022-08-17T20:51:58+00:00

In ttad circles, men dating older women is extremely frowned upon for that very reason and more. Basically a younger man is food for thot

carlenvirgo · 2022-08-17T23:58:06+00:00

Most younger women that look for older guys are only looking for a father figure or to be taken care of. Modernly, young guys look for older women as well.

Never would an intelligent women be in that situation. Women know that independence is the best route if they are smart.

Title	If age gap relationships are frowned upon due to an experience gap, then can’t the same be said if a higher n count woman dates a man with a lower n count?
Author	DerekMorganBAUxx
Upvotes	82
Comments	218
Date	August 17, 2022 12:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wqnybk/if_age_gap_relationships_are_frowned_upon_due_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-age-gap-relationships-are-frowned-upon-due-to.1128109 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128109

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