Women who insist that getting a paternity test is an accusation of paternity fraud are gaslighters

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-02-10T10:43:03+00:00

If all babies that are born get paternity test, then the state can force men who abandoned their children to pay child support or go to prison,

Not a bad idea, less children growing up in poverty

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-02-10T15:18:11+00:00

I think there was a study that said something like 3 in 10 men in the UK are raising children that arent theres

If its an accusation then so be it. No man should be getting cucked

Fuck how she feels

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-02-10T16:37:42+00:00

Every man who found out that his kid isn't his, blindly trusted his wife and thought that she would never cheat. So I don't get the " do you think I would cheat" bs. One little test can provide a lifetime of certainty.

seeyouonthelanai · 2023-02-10T09:23:50+00:00

But it is depending on the relationship. If you guys are not exclusive and she ends up pregnant, then yeah, there's plenty of reason to ask for one if she claims it yours.

However, if you are in a monogamous relationship, the only way for that baby not to be yours is if she cheated. So, asking for a paternity is an accusation, just an indirect one.

I'm 100% for universal paternity tests. Which is the same as making everyone at the White Hpuse go through security.

CountOk4075 · 2023-02-10T10:01:09+00:00

I am 100% ok with mandatory paternity tests. Ideally we wouldn’t need to spend tax payer money on it though just so you can make sure the kid is yours.

But if my future husband gets really demanding about one all of the sudden when I’ve given no reason to suspect cheating, then it’s an accusation and it will impact the relationship. We are only human

bluestjuice · 2023-02-10T15:23:06+00:00

This is a poor use of the word gaslighting, as this is a disagreement about meaning, not one person manipulating the other into questioning their sanity and grip on reality.

Otherwise, sure, asking for a paternity test can be a formality that a man wants to feel comfortable. It’s also reasonable for a woman to feel like it indicates a lack of trust.

These are probably things people should talk about before they put themselves in a situation where it’d be necessary.

ElSnoob · 2023-02-10T13:34:46+00:00

I find your position of women who insist that getting a paternity test is an accusation of paternity fraud to be quite difficult to defend as it quite literally is what claim you claim it isn’t. Just because you feel like it’s not an accusation, doesn’t mean that it won’t be perceived as one.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think paternity fraud is a horrible thing and there are people who try to minimize or outright deny the prevalence of paternity fraud, despite the fact that it does happen and often ruins the lives of everyone involved.

hari_hbp · 2023-02-10T16:50:24+00:00

Not gonna lie, one of the few instances that makes me laugh hard is women trying to justify not getting a paternity test. Basically saying, "oh, you will never find out if I had another man's baby".

DrTheeporiThirumugam · 2023-02-10T09:20:38+00:00

I have mixed opinions on this. I can clearly see how one might consider this as an accusation if two the couple are in a loving relationship for a while.

Other the other side, there are so many narcissists out there who would pull this off without a hair of a doubt from their partner. I can live with being cheated on but I can live with being fooled into raising an other man’s child. Having this as a general procedure post birth helps with the issue.

I personally would get one done even if I have a teeny tiny bit of a doubt without hesitation with the child, without my partner knowing. It’s simple and takes stress off your head

Jambi1913 · 2023-02-10T09:00:38+00:00

If it was a standard test for every baby upon delivery, it would be fine.

If I’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for years and we decide to have a baby and he then says “I’m going to need a paternity test”, then yes, I will take that as an accusation of cheating. It shows he doesn’t trust me and that’s a very big problem.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-10T09:02:57+00:00

Would you feel like being asked to take an STD test after years in a monogamous relationship was an accusation?

Ok-Map-7596 · 2023-02-10T08:54:34+00:00

It is an accusations tho. It's like if your chick demanded you take a test for HIV cuz she thinks your taking it up the ass on Grindr.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-02-10T10:44:38+00:00

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wtknight · 2023-02-10T11:50:28+00:00

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NJFlowerchild · 2023-02-10T13:27:34+00:00

Do you feel the same about racial profiling by store owners and police?

TooHornyToFap · 2023-02-10T15:44:32+00:00

Get it secretly and lie. Who cares

GltyUntlPrvnInncnt · 2023-02-10T17:05:57+00:00

Women will never understand this and see it as an insult or a sign of distrust. They can be sure that the kid is theirs, men, not so much. Most of them lack empathy. They just can't see this issue from a man's perspective.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-02-10T08:49:22+00:00

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literaryhogwartian · 2023-02-10T11:13:19+00:00

If my husband asked for a paternity test that means he thinks that I, his wife, his soul mate is capable of the following:

Sleeping with another man

Lying about it

Letting him believe he's a father

Lying some more

Lying to our hypothetical child

Spending the rest of my life Lying

He is accusing me of being capable of all the above.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-02-10T14:57:29+00:00

If the hospital automatically paternity tested unless the parents opted out (which there is a case to be made for that), it would be just a formality, sure. But because you have to go out of your way to do it, it is an accusation, at least in the colloquial sense. Just like getting an STD test routinely with your checkup is a formality, but your partner asking you to get one would be an accusation.

This misuse of the term “gaslighting” has got to stop.

gas·light

verb gerund or present participle: gaslighting

manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.

So no, merely “stating that something is what it is not” is not gaslighting. By your own definition of “gaslighting,” you’d be “gaslighting” us, because that’s not gaslighting.lol 🤯

statsfodder · 2023-02-10T09:12:05+00:00

When something stupid like 30% of men who decide to test DNA are not the parent .. getting a DNA test as a part of birth should be required! Only the kids' parents should be on the birth cert...

gofigure62 · 2023-02-10T13:47:28+00:00

Why don't men have these discussions with women before they enter into a relationship and before they impennate someone?

If paternity tests aren't an accusation of cheating, why not discuss these beliefs to inform the woman that those are you beliefs before a pregnancy occurs?

Asking for a paternity test in a monogamous relationship is making an accusation that the woman has been unfaithful. If a man assumed the woman that he was with was faithful, then a paternity test wouldn't be necessary, because he'd be aware that he'd be the only possible father.

Why wait until a woman is pregnant or has already had a baby to ask?

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-02-10T12:07:58+00:00

It IS an accusation of cheating. If you aren’t exclusive that’s one thing and a paternity test is warranted. If you live together/are married and you want a paternity test she has every right to feel unjustly accused of cheating.

tinasnow-poty · 2023-02-10T15:57:41+00:00

If my man wants a paternity test he can have it, then I’ll do the cheating he thought I was doing anyway. Win win

nemma88 · 2023-02-10T11:39:15+00:00

Getting a DNA test for me is a formality,

And it is you who is unique in this, not everyone else. They're not gaslighting, they're basing it on the typical person, it is not a formality for the general population.

The only reason normal people ask is because they think the kid might not be theirs, which means they think their partner could have been unfaithful.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-02-10T09:42:59+00:00

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MyLastBestChance · 2023-02-10T14:41:08+00:00

Let’s have a data base of ALL men’s dna. Whenever a child is born, their dna is compared to the database and the bio father is identified and automatically legally responsible for financially supporting that child until it’s an adult, regardless of their relationship status.

There can even be a publicly searchable database so that men’s paternity status and support status can be verified by spouses, potential partners, employers, abandoned children etc.

That should solve the issue 100%, right?

100% paternity certainty 👍

wtknight · 2023-02-10T13:18:28+00:00

The problem with paternity tests is that they violate love and trust. A man who gets one for a child is saying that he doesn’t fully trust and love his partner. This is obviously upsetting to many women.

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wtknight · 2023-02-10T11:47:53+00:00

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wtknight · 2023-02-10T11:48:25+00:00

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ProfessorFelix0812 · 2023-02-10T12:08:54+00:00

Anytime child support is involved….trust, but verify.

Birb-brained · 2023-02-10T16:54:17+00:00

I have never cheated on my partner in 14 years but I can tell you now that if he turned around and demanded a paternity test for our son or subsequent children I think that would negatively impact the relationship. It’s quite something in a trusting relationship where there have been no fidelity issues to broadly announce to the world you don’t trust your partner.

That said, if it was a government mandated thing, I can’t see that being such an issue at all. It’s really about the personal trust that’s an issue, and that’s coming from someone who is as faithful as a golden retriever…

Comfortable-Regret · 2023-02-10T16:59:51+00:00

Stating that something is what it is not is gaslighting

Wow, that word really has been overused into losing all meaning. It is not inherently gaslighting to state something that's incorrect by textbook definition, gaslighting specifically refers to a manipulation technique meant to make you question your memories or your sanity. It's claiming something is false that you know is true and your partner knows is true but can't prove, so they start to wonder if they were remembering correctly. This is just saying something you disagree with, by that logic you were trying to gaslight everyone who read this.

Besides, there's a little more nuance to a conversation than dictionary definitions. Someone saying you're accusing them might not mean you directly said they did something wrong, but unless you want a paternity test in case the child was swapped at birth then you are indirectly saying that you think she's capable of cheating and lying about it. I personally don't think anything's wrong with wanting to get a test and be certain, but I understand how it can hurt to hear that your partner thinks you're capable of that.

Title	Women who insist that getting a paternity test is an accusation of paternity fraud are gaslighters
Author	LaloTwins
Upvotes	44
Comments	297
Date	February 10, 2023 8:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10yl6ix/women_who_insist_that_getting_a_paternity_test_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-who-insist-that-getting-a-paternity-test-is.1151260 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151260

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