Women, do you view that dating and sexual dynamics are on the decline?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-06-05T12:05:35+00:00

Yes.

The first, and I think most relevant, issue is the lack of community and the more transient nature of life in the modern era.

It used to be we had our community centres (generally churches/ insert religious building of choice) and knew our neighbors. My parents went to neighborhood get togethers. I don't know the names of my next door neighbors. This meant that people had easily built social circles which introduced and facilitated relationships, platonic or romantic.

Nowadays people are more transient. I've moved cities a couple of times. So do lots of my friends. Lots of people change jobs every few years. My grandfather stayed in the same job for decades. This means you have to start over and once again start you social circles from scratch.

This means that people have become more and more isolated, which doesn't really lend itself to relationships.

We also have a lot more diverse media and interests. Watercooler talk just isn't the same anymore. 30 years ago everyone watched the same thing and listened to the same thing. Sure you had your subcultures but in general things were more mainstream and it was easier to make small talk, which made it easier to strike up friendships etc. Now everyone has their own netflix list and Spotify curates playlist and we have to seafch for other topics to talk to each other.

The next one is that we are much less conformist. If I use religion as an example, everyone (in the west) used to be Christian or paid lipservice to being one. The question used to be "are you a godly man?" (how religious are you?) not "do you believe in God at all?" this could be the same about values, gender roles, etc. Now we have much greater diversity in beliefs, religions and values. Greater diversity means greater freedom to live your life as you want it. It also means you have to work harder to find your match. This isn't a bad thing necessarily, because it prevents relationships where one party is resentful because they have to do something. But it does make the initial steps harder.

Less extended family support also means less support in general. This cna affect your self confidence, mental health and other things tangibly related to relationships.

The economy is generally shit, which means less energy/ money to spend and go out to meet people and hobbies where you can help your mental health and also make a good way to meet people. So that's not helping.

Then of course there is the advent of online dating. It's got its upsides since it creates a wider net. It also means less shitting where you eat and you don't screw up existing friend groups. But also online dating can be soulless and difficult. Women get bombarded by men who just want sex. Men get nothing at all. Here's a secret, women are much easier to get into you when you're in the same room and talking. Whether it's because you're acquaintances, had a mutual friend, or even just run in the same parties, clubs and social circles. Those walls become flimsy pieces of paper irl.

The way we meet and interact with people have changed, which has affected the way we date.

Reddit is full of posts that are "how do i make new friends at 25? 30? 40?" and even irl people struggle to make friends past the enforced socialisation if school. If we can't even make friends, how are we supposed to find a significant other.

Tldr, society is becoming more isolated and less connected in real life, which isolates people, which makes relationships harder.

ppd_reject · 2022-06-05T15:02:44+00:00

Relationships are shifting from being milestones in young adulthood that need transition into marriage to just being a feature. This means that people that don't care enough about relationships or lack the qualities to be in one aren't forcing themselves to be what society considers marriage material. This means that your chances of meeting someone decline, but that whoever you end up dating is more likely to be doing so out of love/attraction and not to tick of a box in their long list of things they have to do.

Swapsta · 2022-06-05T13:09:31+00:00

I really don't care personally about dating. But I find it interesting from a sociological and psychological approach - as many aspects of society and the economy are impacting people's willingness to enter committed relationships and people struggle more to achieve the markers of adulthood.

In previous generations you could buy a home and stability in both lower and middle-class where that's becoming increasingly more difficult.

People have to study more and having more debt with school, more debt to buy homes and the lack of religion/living in big cities reduces bonds to other humans.

So yes. Dating is on the decline but I'm not sure that inherently is a bad thing but rather the lack of community, support and economic access are concerning.

The_Meep_Lord · 2022-06-05T18:43:55+00:00

Meat market mentality. People say that porn ruins your brain, but for me it was Tinder. Somewhere along the line of matching with hundreds of dudes, they all started to look the same, and my standards are just so high now after seeing so many ugly men. I felt like I was having a crisis because I didn't find the men that I used to find attractive attractive anymore, I felt like I had overdosed LOL. I feel like a lot of people feel the same. If I meet someone I want it to be organic, not someone picked off the shelf at a store.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2022-06-05T17:23:05+00:00

Yes, and I blame hookup culture.

1Here4Bach · 2022-06-05T14:13:49+00:00

I’m not sure I wasn’t alive in the 80’s and I was a kid in the 90’s and 00’s. Idk what dating was like back then so I can’t really compare it.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-06-05T19:49:19+00:00

I’m early 40s I’m happily married, I don’t get the same attention off random men any more which is a relief.

Maybe if I was actively looking I might feel differently.

Though I have single friends my age or older having a great time dating

robot_bones · 2022-06-05T21:09:05+00:00

I have no idea what this question is asking nor grip any of these intelligent and thorough answers.

flamingoinghome · 2022-06-05T18:20:45+00:00

Not really?

I actually do think there's a problem with social dynamics (not romantic/sexual ones), but that's not the same thing.

I met my partner on OLD (Bumble, specifically), so I can hardly complain about existing? But I think the whole "enjoy the decline" thing is rooted in ignorance of what dating/sex/etc. were actually like a hundred years ago. It was not what manosphere subs would have you believe.

I actually look at a lot of the complaints from people here and it reminds me of a book I read when I was a kid, about a futuristic society where everyone had extensive plastic surgery in their late teens to make them model-level gorgeous. And everyone pre-surgery talked about how hideous and gross they were all the time. And the protagonist, in the course of the book, meets a 19-year-old dude who hasn't had the surgery, and notices that he's not nearly so gross as she'd expected, and wonders if maybe part of how people look pre-surgery is just....an awkward phase.

Sometimes I think younger people (late teens through college) on dating subs are like that. They took pop culture stuff too seriously and don't realize that being very young is kinda awkward and hard, and that's a feature, not a bug.

MicrospathodonChrys · 2022-06-05T11:58:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-06-05T12:00:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-06-05T14:17:58+00:00

Not really. I have been watching my younger cousins, and some of my older cousins’ kids, get engaged or married and starting families: My nephew. My daughter. They are just doing it a little older than my generation did, but not dramatically so:

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-06-06T01:33:26+00:00

Not at all. My great-grandmother was married at 14 (to a 24 y/o man) and having babies by 16. What I got to do is a massive upgrade.

I think the ones complaining are people who cannot manage to get someone to actually love them. They would have thrived in a traditional setting because marriage was more of a socioeconomic necessity.

Ylduts · 2022-06-05T12:01:37+00:00

What does that even mean

MisterDudeBroGuy · 2022-06-05T13:05:29+00:00

Not really. If anything it's a lot better than how it was 50+ years ago. Your partner is way more likely to have a basic education and be somewhat educated on emotional health and communication. Like people today are taught more to sit and think about what they really want, whereas people even a few decades ago and back were more likely to fall pressure to societal expectations. Like I've read tons of biographies and personal accounts and the ones that discuss marriage, so many of them from the past were like "I got married and had kids because it was what I was told to do and hated it". Don't get me wrong, it still happens today as well, but people are encouraged to do basic introspection more and people aren't ostracized for saying "I don't want marriage and I hate kids". That level of personal honestly is better long term for dating lolol.

Men are also just less sexist. I've had some dudes say dumb sexist shit to me, but society doesn't look at me as a cold frigid bitch for telling those men no. Back in the day women dealt with constant peer pressure from everybody to settle down and date. And I experienced a little of that in high school and college, but 50 years ago it was way worse. Men are way more likely now to not assume you're going to cook for them and shit like that. I've had a few guys say ignorant shit to me (like a dude who asked me out 8x, I finally decided to give him a shot, then he joked he'd monitor my shaving because he couldn't date a girl with long leg or armpit hair, so I told him he wouldn't have to worry about dating me ever because I won't shave for him lol), but most dates I've been on were just nice, normal dudes.

2022-06-06T00:51:16+00:00

No, but I would never use online dating and only know one woman who does, and she uses it for hookups and apparently doing quite well.

In person interactions in social venues and among my friends and coworkers are the same as ever. I’m not happy about the revival of pick-up, but I’m aware that disenfranchised men without a social circle are desperate for shortcuts to getting laid and there isn’t any way for women to avoid them.

The only problems I’ve had with social media are dick pics and the sporadic photo “likes” from men who are fishing for attention or a fling. It’s annoying, but it’s easy to ignore.

cautionTomorrow555 · 2022-06-05T16:54:00+00:00

Men are socialized to hate women and view them as slaves.

Women want partners that don’t repress their feelings until they explode like a toddler and are capable of emotional intimacy.

These are not biological differences. This is our current culture socializing boys and girls to be fundamentally incompatible.

Over_Noise3530 · 2022-06-05T19:33:55+00:00

Yes and it's mainly because every single Internet platform now uses algorithms that prioritize paying users, not just old but also Facebook and Instagram. Even if I pay for reach on all of those, it will still show me the men who paid first. 2016 was the best time to order sex online, before the algorithms got so out of control

2022-06-05T16:19:48+00:00

Its all about "hanging out" now. Nobody "dates" any more. And i for one am happy with that.

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sarkington · 2022-06-05T14:06:53+00:00

I have no idea what you mean by “declining sexual dynamics”

Consider editing your op please

didiinthesky · 2022-06-05T20:10:52+00:00

I think on average there might be a change in the dynamic between men and women when online dating as compared to more traditional dating. I think both men and women are more critical because there are more options to choose from. So people more easily ghost each other. I don't know a lot of people who use OLD but one female friend told me she was ghosted recently. However, most of my friend group are in stable long term relationships. Most of us are late twenties to early thirties. But that is just my personal experience, I know I can't generalise that to the entire population.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-06-06T15:07:57+00:00

Nope. But I'm socially active, make friends easily, have good existing relationships, basically everything someone needs to score a partner despite being an introvert while completely avoiding OLD. I also have a lot of traditionally male nerd hobbies which puts me in contact with a lot of men should I choose to put myself in those spaces which I do not currently because I have a life partner.

arinamarcella · 2022-06-07T01:53:07+00:00

No, F33

ruboyuri · 2022-06-07T04:34:22+00:00

No

They’re just pushed back a decade due to tech and increased options

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-06-07T13:30:23+00:00

I’m 24 and I’d say yes somewhat for 2 reasons.

1) People insert themselves and complain about the dating dynamics of others too much. They’ll focus more on convincing someone else to date in the way they find acceptable to try and force a match vs just moving on and finding someone who’s already compatible with them.

2) It seems a lot of people particularly those under 30 are in a competition with each other to prove who cares less during the initial talking/courting/early dating phase. Which I get you don’t want to give someone ammo to hurt you, however you have to open up and communicate if you want to find a good quality partner/partners. So it’s best to date and divorce yourself from the outcome so you can drop a bad match with ease vs entertaining nonsense and pretending like you don’t care.

Title	Women, do you view that dating and sexual dynamics are on the decline?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	30
Comments	198
Date	June 5, 2022 11:02 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/v5b22o/women_do_you_view_that_dating_and_sexual_dynamics/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-do-you-view-that-dating-and-sexual-dynamics.1209669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209669

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