Reminder: never chase men, this is what they actually think when you initiate

ceramicunicorn · 2021-12-09T16:31:09+00:00

How many times do women have to hear “if he wanted to, he would”? That men approach women who catch their eye that they’d consider dating? You approaching leaves you open to someone who will have sex with you, sure, but he was not moved to consider more. It is an ego boost for him. Just because an action benefits men doesn’t mean it will bring you any closer to your own goals.

Edit: Thanks for the platinum!

thediverswife · 2021-12-09T15:56:27+00:00

These answers are disgusting! How about, a woman approaches you (not my personal cup of tea, but some will) because she’s genuinely interested and hopes that you reciprocate? That lack of ability to see women as fully human will keep so many scrotes from potential happiness

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-12-09T15:54:34+00:00

Who is this scrote co-opting our terminology? I laughed out loud about women allegedly approaching men more attractive than they are. Welcome to what women deal with everyday, except with ugly men getting violent when we don’t give them what they want.

Vmchik · 2021-12-09T15:46:28+00:00

This is a reminder for all the women who think approaching men is harmless. Many of the comments on this post expressed the sentiment that men either believe a) she’s conning them in some way or b) she’s desperate and there must be something wrong with her.

There’s a commonly held belief that women that are desirable will not have to work for men’s attention. Because of this, most men assume an attractive woman will wait to be approached versus do the initiating. It doesn’t matter if you look like Beyoncé, as soon as you approach a man he now thinks you’re defective.

Stop falling for the libfem lies that tell us we live in an “equal” world. Most of us have been raised on social scripts that tell us what assumptions to make about people. Approaching men will only hurt you in the end because you’ll end up looking desperate and be taken for granted.

Edit to add: for the women adamant on continuing to to approach men, also realize you are not the minority. There are pickmes everywhere who are intent on “taking control” of their love lives and approach every attractive man they see. These women don’t realize they are one of many women. Attractive men or even average in terms of grooming and styling are rare so it’s not hard to believe that other women are thinking exactly the same way you are.

The men who complain about not getting approached are either ugly or don’t count the women they deem as below them. You will not be seen as “different” in a man’s eyes for approaching because more often than not, they’re already getting approached by dozens of other women. As a recently graduated college student who had average or above average male friends (discarded them all cause male friends are trash), I have seen plenty of women approaching them. It never went well.

Serious_Papaya8615 · 2021-12-09T17:08:48+00:00

Imagine calling a woman low-value for being ill and needing to go to the doctor frequently or for having hypochondria (which can be a HIGHLY debilitating mental disorder). What a disgusting POS.

backforbeskar · 2021-12-09T18:58:43+00:00

The absolute mind fuck hypocrisy-get on ANY of the dating forums and it will consist a plethora of men ENCOURAGING women to make the first move. They know they don’t respect women that ask them out but they still want it. Because it allows them USE women for sex and emotional comfort with the ABSOLUTE LEAST AMOUNT OF WORK.

Erocitnam · 2021-12-09T19:07:22+00:00

Does anyone know which male subcultures use the word "lizardbrain" regularly? Like this guy did. I know someone in person who uses that word and I feel like it could be a tell to how he spends his online time.

I checked the post history of the guy who used it in this screengrab. He frequents purple pill debates, sex-based subreddits, weightlifting dating advice subreddits, small dick subreddits and has a few comments where he tries to subtly promote redpill. The guy I know is also very into fitness, so maybe that's the anchor point?

Smailwait · 2021-12-09T16:53:24+00:00

I have friends who chased men. ALL OF THEM have been cheated on and/or dumped after being a placeholder girlfriend for 4+ years. None of them seem to have learned from their mistake, unfortunately.

_tinyimp · 2021-12-09T16:50:28+00:00

God they will project anything and everything. Nothing is wrong with being open to the idea of love??? Like simply be flattered a woman expressed interest but then decline it if she’s really all that bad as these men describe…But no, they frame these poor women as desperate when it’s really these scrotes desperately banging any girl they meet to stroke their own ego.

On a side note, even if a man pursues you and ticks all of the boxes, make sure to vet for how they handled women pursuing them in the past. They’ll easily sound just like these guys because they don’t respect women as humans and the only reason they’re choosing to pursue you over them is because they have you on a pedestal for some reason.

tiavarga · 2021-12-09T19:00:34+00:00

And here we are at FDS getting attacked from everyone but guys like this are out there saying “she’s below my level” and not a peep out of Reddit.

Your misogyny is showing, Reddit.

Georgerobertfrancis · 2021-12-09T20:45:27+00:00

Except men overwhelmingly date and marry far above their status and have an inflated sense of self-worth. Women get trashed on so frequently that most pickmes are happy to date any man who is remotely nice to her, even if he’s leagues behind her.

This is delusional bullshit. Ten bucks all of these men are only getting approached by women who are actually far more valuable than they are. I guarantee they’re not movie star astrophysicists.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-09T17:34:49+00:00

And then they cry because women don’t initiate lol they don’t deserve shit, hear pickmes on the back

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-12-09T16:41:55+00:00

Not the point, but I just think it's interesting how they vomit out lines about "being out of touch with reality and relative attractiveness" when blasting women for liking some abs once in a blue moon, but then run around REEEEEeee-ing about "mUh bIoLoGy" when they're trying to justifying pestering some girl who's so out of their fucking league they're not even playing in the same galaxy.

wolfshadow1995 · 2021-12-09T21:46:38+00:00

This just confirms my #1 frustration with men. They say they want a woman who makes them feel hot, successful, strong etc. but more so they want someone who is rather unimpressed with them because that means she’s high value?

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2021-12-09T17:55:29+00:00

1 hour later they probably started crying about how no woman will throw themselves at them to touch their pp

Eqvvi · 2021-12-09T16:43:47+00:00

As a obese woman it’s very hard to hear that we’re always seen as “low value “ or “easy lay”. That mentality made me quit dating all together

Edit: i get reply’s but can’t see them?!

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-09T20:56:34+00:00

Out in the wild/public, the most I'll do is a slight smile, and the eyebrow wiggle. The rest is up to the guy. Online on OLD (there passively, no real expectations other than just find a date since I haven't gone on one in about 25 years), I'll send a like only. Again, anything else is up to him after that. I've indicated receptivity, and I don't think that's chasing/pursuing at all. If anyone disagrees, I'd like to know your reasoning. To me this follows FDS principals.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-12-10T08:15:23+00:00

if you chase, they automatically categorize you as "desperate", their ego gets inflated to the moon and they will take every chance to treat you poorly.

your choice

cryptohobo · 2021-12-09T21:57:25+00:00

Yep, even with my online dating I only review the guys that liked me first. Also when I match with them I don’t initiate the conversation, ever.

DumpsterWitchy · 2021-12-09T17:48:20+00:00

I have watched some sort of report once, where men were asked if they like to get approached by women. There were two types:

The first totally wanted that, but not for the reasons you might think. In their mind, women who approach a man are thirsty for d*ck and nothing but horny b*tches who totally want it right on the spot. They would f*ck them, but nothing more. No relationship, just sex.

The second group of men were disgusted by the thought of getting approached by a woman. They simply said: "That is not a woman, that is a man. A real woman doesn't run after a man. I would never want that, that is disgusting."

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-12-09T18:59:43+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

If a man is interested in a woman, he will approach and pursue her. It's not complicated.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-12-10T00:01:49+00:00

EGO STROKE. nah, sis. I've been working on my resting bitch face.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-12-10T02:33:29+00:00

That guy sounds delusional.

spicyspa · 2021-12-11T04:44:38+00:00

One of my friends is constantly chasing guys though she doesn't see it that way. I think she thinks of literal chasing rather than texting guys she's interested in and sending them pics. She's not sending naked pics, I know her enough to believe her, but funny pics and texts about funny stories. It might be chaste, but it's still chasing.

Her mom is extremely outgoing but is extremely clueless about men (recent widow after 38 yrs of marriage, extremely religious). She's so sweet and didn't find it problematic when she sent a text with "prayers from Jesus" to a neighbor who had repaired her kitchen sink and later came down with pneumonia. He responded, "You could get into bed with me and keep me warm."

She saw the look on my face, and said, "Uh oh, He thinks I'm chasing him." Yep.

Never text any man first unless it's about actual business and very brief. Men don't want to know you, but your vagina. And if they aren't interested in you, it still flatters them.

PanCanAlt01 · 2021-12-10T03:54:00+00:00

This is hilarious. He spent all that time talking about women approaching men and how “pathetic” they are, instead of I don’t know, just not paying attention to things that don’t effect them and don’t harm anyone? Some men are just obsessed with women no matter what women do, like what a weird thing to write a whole screed on: women who are not harming anyone, just approaching men. What a world we live in lol.

daisy_0720 · 2021-12-10T18:53:37+00:00

There's no getting around it: if you approach, men's brain's immediately default to Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction.

Dstar538888 · 2021-12-13T05:02:06+00:00

I tried to tell this to the pick me's around me, but they jump down my throat talking about "iT'S 2O21! iT's oK FOr WoMEn tO aPpROaCh"....and then they act surprised when the guy they approach doesn't really like them back that much or uses them for sex and discards them... when you approach a man, you look desperate and easy to him....men pursue women that they want, so if he's not persuing you, then that means he's not interested...

Dstar538888 · 2021-12-13T05:03:21+00:00

men see women who approach them as undesirable, which is why we don't recommend chasing any of these males...

bog_nymph · 2021-12-16T03:07:31+00:00

The way the guy just said “women I’ve matched with” he didn’t even actually get to know them at all let alone do anything that would warrant this overbearing chase these women supposedly do after just looking at his dumb ass profile

Title	Reminder: never chase men, this is what they actually think when you initiate
Author	Vmchik
Upvotes	754
Comments	105
Date	December 9, 2021 3:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rck97y/reminder_never_chase_men_this_is_what_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-never-chase-men-this-is-what-they.1212625 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212625

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