Would you date a single dad?

saraimarsena · 2023-04-08T16:59:01+00:00

absolutely not.

i want my first child to also be my partner’s first child.
i have no interest in dealing with baby momma/baby daddy drama
I consider myself too young to be somebody’s step mom.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-04-08T19:28:36+00:00

No, because I am childfree and never want kids, biological or step.

I guess I might consider it if I were much older and he had kids who had fully left the nest, but that seems like a very different thing from dating a single dad with minor or even college-aged kids.

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-08T16:54:58+00:00

nah - for the same reason i won’t date a single mom, i’m not at a point in my life where i want kids involved, and dating a single parent means getting their kids involved as well

JNRoberts42 · 2023-04-08T17:11:45+00:00

I would date a responsible single dad who spends time raising his kid/s, yes.

The absentee, deadbeat kind? Nope.

Purple317 · 2023-04-08T18:04:04+00:00

I married a man who had 3 kids from his first marriage. It was obviously not a deal breaker for me - but it wasn’t ideal. I did make a point to find out early on if he was open to having more children, because if he wasn’t (understandable) that would have been a dealbreaker.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-04-08T17:20:49+00:00

Honestly depends how how good of a dad he is, does he regularly have his kid/s and do stuff with them? Know who their friends are etc and do homework?

Unfortunately, I’ve heard a few horror stories about single dads trying to get a gf ASAP to parent his child for him but so he doesn’t have to pay child support to the mother

badgersonice · 2023-04-08T22:15:21+00:00

When I was a young, single, low-n woman with no children, did not want.

If I were a divorced single mom, I’d be willing to consider another divorced single dad. But not a baby daddy type or a deadbeat. He’d have to be a caring devoted dad.

However what is less often discussed is whether or not it is ever a good thing for a woman to date a man with kids. Especially a child free woman.

I have a friend who was single and childfree and dated a guy with full custody of his 10ish year old son for a year or two.

The kid is what ended the relationship— she didn’t really want to be a stepmom or have kids at all, and he didn’t enforce or deal with his kid’s behavior enough on his own. She’d be stuck in a parenting role without any authority or even the backup from the father. He was an otherwise decent guy, and the kid wasn’t bad, but it was a rotten dynamic for her. He proposed, and she refused and after a lot of thought, ended the relationship because she realized the dynamic would only get worse over time.

daddysgotanew · 2023-04-09T00:01:47+00:00

Just like men with options, women with options won’t date single parents

anon018274031 · 2023-04-08T17:09:08+00:00

At this stage in my life 100% no. - I am still finding my way in the world, I don’t want the responsibility of a child whilst I’m doing that - I want to be able to share my lifestyle with my partner (spontaneous holidays, parties, road trip etc), I can’t do that if they have a child - I want my partners first child to be with me - I don’t want to have to plan my life around some other woman’s schedule - rightly so a man’s love should be more to his child, I want a period of being number one to each other before a child comes along

(This is not to say i wouldn’t consider it once I’m older, more settled and have a different lifestyle. But for now it would not work at all).

RepresentativeMark16 · 2023-04-08T19:13:36+00:00

Plus of single dad = I can see if his parenting values align with mine, and how present he is in his children’s lives. He understands my priorities when it comes to my family. Cons of single dad = coordinating our schedules. I only want to date a dad who is involved in his kids life, so he’s going to be time poor. Currently dating a dad and the only major downside is I don’t get to spend as much time with him as I’d like.

Kandace21 · 2023-04-08T23:02:41+00:00

No, my first born has to be his first born as well.

fleetingrestraint · 2023-04-09T05:10:45+00:00

I used to love dating single dads. They were in fact my preference. This was before the big split though. I guess that kicked off with metoo, leading into incels and Jordan Peterson, and then pandemic isolation and economic and social degradation. Divorced dads… and their bitter misogyny. And the misogyny only seems to be building up, for a number of reasons.

After all of this, I’ve passed on dating any men. This is just not the environment for that anymore.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-04-08T17:52:53+00:00

No but mainly because I'm childfree

learn2earn89 · 2023-04-08T18:00:42+00:00

I’m 33. At this point I wouldn’t be against it, but he’d have to really be a catch.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-04-08T19:40:28+00:00

Hell no. I don’t want my own crotch goblins, I certainly don’t want yours

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-04-08T21:50:32+00:00

No. Why should I date a single dad? Do you hear the way men talk about single moms? Why should I accommodate to men if they don’t accommodate to women?

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-04-08T17:07:26+00:00

Depends on how many children for me personally. Not more than two and preferably only one. As I don't want children myself. But I can see myself loving his children like they are my own if he's a good man and his children aren't terrible.

EulenWatcher · 2023-04-08T17:56:59+00:00

Maybe in my late 20s or 30s. Not as a 16 y.o. girl with no dating experience as I was the last time I was single. So I think it highly depends on one’s age and desire to have kids.

Safinated · 2023-04-08T19:14:40+00:00

Only if he kept the kids separate from me for most of it. Any single parent, regardless of gender, should treat their kids as a separate unit at first

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-04-08T21:52:36+00:00

no, not because there's anything wrong with single dads per se but 1. I didn't like or want kids, and I was certainly not going to be involved in taking care of them and 2. I would have NEVER been able to deal with a man having to be in constant close contact with his ex over the child and seeing her, etc. my h has a son, but he didn't have anything to do with him or his mother outside of sending a check for 16 years, and that was fine with me

mcove97 · 2023-04-08T22:10:59+00:00

However what is less often discussed is whether or not it is ever a good thing for a woman to date a man with kids. Especially a child free woman.

As a childfree woman that's a hard no. You may be mixing up childless and child free. Childless women may be more ambivalent towards others children cause they may want children eventually, but majority childfree women do not want to have, or raise children, in any capacity whatsoever. If I don't want my own children because I believe they're a huge inconvenience, why on heavens earth would I want to date a single dad? Especially when I could be dating someone who'd rather spend their additional spare time on me instead of their child?

As a truly childfree woman, I want my life completely free or children, that means I want zero of my own too. It wouldn't be free of children if I dated a single dad would it?

Well that's unless the single dad has adopted away his child and have no ties to them, because he realized he wasn't a fit father. Maybe I'd date them. Maybe.

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-04-09T00:30:03+00:00

Single parents should just date each other

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-04-09T04:22:29+00:00

I wouldn't date any dad (with rare exceptions).

I am childfree and do not want to be responsible for someone else's child when they leave the room. I do not want to be a mentor to a young person in this way, I am not interested in babysitting.

However... I have occasionally gone on dates with dads where they understood it would not be long-term and that it wouldn't be leading to them introducing me to their children.

I have also dated men who have children but their children are adults or a couple years out from being adults and/or if they spent most of their time with the other parent. For instance, one guy the kid's mom had the kid most of the time, the kid was going to graduate high school in a couple years, we always had his home to ourselves, and if there was a factor of me meeting the kid at some point it would be as an adult to another adult which is a completely different dynamic than having to be responsible for or an example for a child.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2023-04-08T18:02:42+00:00

No. I know two many awful relationships that my friends ended because they were with single fathers.

I wouldn't want to take care of his kids or include it in our vacation or holiday plans. I don't want to pay his child support. After marrige my money would become our money, I don't want to spend it on his child. I don't want to take care of it in the evening or during our weeekends and this is what single fathers expect. Those fuckers think that their new partner should play a mommy role so they can rest. I'm not doing that.

I'm too young for this shit.

YesNoDegrees · 2023-04-08T16:58:31+00:00

Man here. I think dating anyone with a kid is a recipe for disaster that should ultimately be avoided. You have a chance of getting attached to the kid—then what happens if you break up? That’s double the heartbreak. In addition, you’re likely to be dealing with legal BS by proxy unless the other party is completely out of the picture.

That said, I have a friend who had a kid, but then found an understanding woman to marry, and now they have three of their own. So it can work out.

ashleyrose56 · 2023-04-08T21:34:37+00:00

No way on earth. I won't take care of children that are not my own and I want my child to be his first child too.

2023-04-09T00:39:14+00:00

When I was a single mum I wouldn't date single dads. It's almost impossible to synchronise our calendars and if we break up the children will be upset.

Midaycarehere · 2023-04-09T04:31:14+00:00

I did when I was child free but breaking up was awful. I stayed too long because I loved those kids, and after the breakup and helping to raise them for 2 years I had no part in their lives. It sucked. I heard from them recently though and they both told me they looked upon that time with me fondly. It made me feel really good.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-04-08T17:04:54+00:00

I married one, but he wasn't a single father by choice. His wife passed away from cancer. It's hard, very hard, when compared to dating someone without kids early in the relationship and you have to be willing to understand that their needs come first. That child will always come first, as they should, and need to be first. She comes first for me too. You're not going to be able to spend as much time with them as you would like, because you shouldn't be around their kids without a serious relationship.

Would I have dated a divorced single dad or someone that had children outside of marriage? No, not ever.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-08T17:37:49+00:00

No. I don't want children at least at this time, so I'm not adopting his, hence we're not compatible.

Ainsleygz · 2023-04-08T17:42:06+00:00

No. I have no experience being around children and no interest in hearing about them or taking care of them. It also gives me the creeps that someone would willingly want to have children.

purplish_possum · 2023-04-08T17:53:14+00:00

Kids are useful. They aren't shy about letting dear old dad know what they think.

Daughter: "she's nuts. Just like the last three."

Me: "Yeah, she is. Guess I'll just keep looking."

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-04-08T19:18:30+00:00

Preferably not, but it depends on how old the kid is. I have no interest in being around babies and toddlers. A teenager would be more acceptable though.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-04-08T19:27:03+00:00

It depends. I love kids so I don’t mind but he’d have to be a good father and have a good relationship with his child’s mother. I don’t want to date a weekend dad or a dad that just sees their kids during the summer because we don’t have similar lives. We’re not the same kind of single parent. I wouldn’t date a single dad with intentions of having a blended family, I’d want us to see each other when we don’t have our kids. I don’t think it’s fair to kids to be subjected to our relationship and if it doesn’t work out they lose too.

womandatory · 2023-04-09T07:56:22+00:00

I am dating a single dad, but then again, I am a single mom. Neither of us want more kids. I dated a few single dads before I met my (now ex) husband. Things didn’t work out with them for reasons unrelated to their parenting status.

That__EST · 2023-04-09T12:56:12+00:00

If I was otherwise attracted to the man and felt as though he and I had the potential for a good relationship, I would be fine dating a single dad. Him being a good dad would actually make him more attractive actually.

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2023-04-11T22:09:46+00:00

No.

I don't like kids lol. Single dad's are fine, it's their kids I can't stand. I dated a single dad once and it ruined it for me. Never again

Dstar538888 · 2023-04-13T02:41:35+00:00

No, I prefer men with no kids

PlatypusPolka · 2023-04-08T16:58:26+00:00

I have done this. I might consider it again.

Longspkdiamond · 2023-04-08T18:45:17+00:00

I think single parenthood speaks of poor decision-making. Unless the other parent died.

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-09T02:44:15+00:00

Largely no, but, I could imagine if I were much older and had already had my kids and my fella died for some reason, I might be more open to being a step mom. Maybe if he was a widower and the child was quite quite young ans again, my current man was dead.

But otherwise not for me. I've behaved far too well sexually to be asked to deal with someone else's poor decisions.

Gomdgomd · 2023-04-08T16:56:00+00:00

For all the "men should support their children" shtick that women do, women really hate when men pay support to mothers of their prior children. Typical duplicitous greedy narcissistic solipsistic double-dealing women, they should just say the reality which is "men should support me"

Physical_Software_29 · 2023-04-09T05:25:07+00:00

I think the question should be reframed as “should I date a person who is the custodial parent”. I say this as being single and being a farther. Because it’s a way different dynamic when your not the custodial parent. I also think the relationship between the two parents matter, because a kid with two parents that are co-parenting well this kid doesn’t need a step mum or step dad, these are just labels given.

Now I would totally recommend anyone under 30ish not date anyone who has a child, as at this stage in your life you want to build a family from scratch and I totally understand that.

I’m 34 and I notice when I date women around my age range, literally every single one has baby brain. That’s all they want to do is start a family. When I date younger like mid to late 20s most women seem real chill about kids, and because I only “part time” parent I still have the time and energy to date like someone without kids

Khabeni412 · 2023-04-08T18:54:53+00:00

I would date a single mom. I'm a single dad so...women who say they wouldn't are hypocrites. Judging by the comments here women view their needs to be greater than children. Sorry but if I ever date again, my partner will be third to my children and my income. My kids always first.

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2023-04-09T02:13:31+00:00

I have, and I’m in a long term relationship with him. Obviously, he’s not a single dad anymore. Although he’s fantastic, I would never have done that if I had known what a tough road it would be. The reason for that, is because he has a highly abusive ex wife who went out of her way to make both of our lives hell while their children together were minors.

begayallday · 2023-04-09T11:34:20+00:00

I never wanted to when my daughter was young. Not because I thought there was anything “wrong” with a single dad, it was only that it just felt like something that would be too difficult for me to handle. Blended families have a lot of varying dynamics going on and it can be tough to navigate. Once my daughter moved out of my home, I was more okay with it, and I did date one guy for a few months who had a kid. I met my wife not too long after that, and she is child free by choice.

jd_5344 · 2023-04-09T14:26:19+00:00

Nope, too much drama. I also want to experience the first child with my husband, I don’t want him to share that experience with another woman.

No_Inspection_7176 · 2023-04-09T21:28:08+00:00

It would really depend on the situation, but most likely, no. The only way it would be a yes is if he was a good father, had an ex that was nice and ok with me having an active role in the children’s lives, and still had the resources (time and money) to contribute to our life and future family.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-04-10T05:36:45+00:00

I am currently and I will never do that shit again unless the mother is 100% out of the picture

We can't even move where we would afford a house, while she can afford it here so she won't. If we do, we have to change custody so he would go to one school only

Mandy_M87 · 2023-04-10T14:47:39+00:00

Maybe. Depends on how many children, how old they are, and if the mother is around or not. I'm not really interested in being the primary caregiver.

Rumin8ting_ · 2023-04-13T20:59:50+00:00

Yes! I mean if i were older. Im rather young so a guy being a single father at this age (early 20s) is usually a bad sign. But in the future when im looking to marry, i would love to date/marry a single dad that’s loving and involved with his children. I would love to be their mom too :)

Title	Would you date a single dad?
Author	Crafty_Letter_1719
Upvotes	17
Comments	107
Date	April 8, 2023 4:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12frj25/would_you_date_a_single_dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-date-a-single-dad.1213696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213696

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