How important is preselection when it comes to a woman choosing a partner?

tricep_bro · 2023-05-02T18:11:03+00:00

I think generally, the younger the woman is, the stronger preselection works on them.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-02T18:23:05+00:00

I think preselection is a thing but not in the way it's typically presented here.

Ime both men and women will be more open to interacting with you (not necessarily romantically, in general) if they see or are aware of others who have had a positive experience with you. This could include other people, animals, children, etc. Hell even your interactions with insects and inanimate objects might inform their opinion of you to some extent. A person who likes flowers will probably not get along with a person who tramples on them.

How people interact with the world around them is a part of how they are perceived by everyone.

Edit: Dumb bitch moment. Plants are not inanimate, but you know what I mean. Not sentient.

VTHokie2020 · 2023-05-02T18:30:53+00:00

I'm an early/mid 20's guy. Yeah, preselection/socialproof (they're the same thing) is very important.

If a man is standoffish or even rude to a woman, how likely is she still going to be attracted to him just because he has been preselected by another woman?

Impossible to answer this theoretical question. Men being standoffish or rude have a hard time building social circles / dating and thus aren't preselected by definition.

If the man has been preselected by a “low-quality” woman, such as one who other women consider unattractive or of low class, does preselection still play any role at all? Conversely, is the preselection factor stronger if he has been selected by a high quality woman?

Yeah, the strength of your pre-selection is correlated to the 'value' of the people who pre-selected you.

Are you around sociable type A personalities and dating an attractive woman? You will become more attractive to other people, particularly similar people.

But it's a nuanced as well. Having 1k followers on Instagram is valued by this theoretical group. But if you want an in with motivated people, then hanging out with nerds and having a 4.0 is better for your pre-selection.

If a man has dropped in quality, such as getting fat or losing his hair, yet his partner still seems to love him and treat him well, does her continued selection of him outweigh his loss of appearance quality in any way at all?

Letting yourself go is always bad. But the guy who has let himself go and still has a partner is often times more respected than a guy who let himself go and is alone.

antariusz · 2023-05-03T00:51:12+00:00

I'm a 41 year old man.

Never once has a woman ever hit on me, in public, in my entire life.

Unless I was with one of my girlfriends at the time.

In which case I had extreme examples such as a waitress putting her arm around me to "help me order"

Sad_Top1743 · 2023-05-02T18:06:41+00:00

Preselection is definitely a thing and the more attractive the woman, the stronger the appeal to others women. It’s the social proof aspect but also they get curious and competitive

Preselection absolutely does not work on men though, seeing a girl with a high level guy is an immediate turn off for a suitor

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-05-03T00:10:44+00:00

This reasoning is very akin to the reasoning underpinning 'behave like an alfalfa male to get women attracted.' It confuses cause and effect.

Typically, men who are high in looks, money, status, whatever, are going to have a lot of admirers/women interested in them. That's how it works. That's why a man who is partnered is likely more attractive than your average man: because he is likely to on average be more attractive.

Holden_Frame · 2023-05-02T20:30:44+00:00

I've found preselection to be very situational.

For example, in a bar / club environment, if I was with a 1 or more girls who would outwardly show comfort being flirty or sexual with me, it was infinitely more common to have other random girls come up and show interest.

If I go to a club with guys, by myself, or with women who have clearly friend-zoned me, I'm basically invisible.

Hell, I've had women go from utterly indifferent toward me to low key slipping me their number when they saw me with a girl.

This seems to work in directly relation to how much hotter the girl who has preselected you is to the girl doing the observing.

Just the other night I was with the girl I'm currently dating, she walked away for a minute and I was waiting on AAA for a jump for my car. She walked up and started small talking me at night after my girlfriend had walked away and was offering to give me a jump, I said no thanks since I already had the truck coming.

As my girlfriend was walking back she literally told me her apartment number and told me to ring her if I ever need one again.

Do you honestly think she would have done that if I had just been posted near my car all alone the whole time?

Nope.

With all that said, I'd say that in an environment like a job, volunteer group or church or something like that, this is far less of a factor. People tend to bond and become attractive at a far closer more personal level that is removed from broader social / preselection factors.

Schools up to college-age I would imagine have a high preselection effectiveness due to the nature of younger people and the inherent connection between their dating and social lives.

MSAPPLIEDSTATS · 2023-05-02T18:31:06+00:00

Preselection is actually pretty important. I think women lean on their peers or society to determine what is attractive.

The more pre selectors you have the better:

Attractive and popular hair style i.e. man bun or wavy fade like drake.

Popular and flattering clothes i.e. whatever fashion trend is trending.

Attractive body that mirrors popular athletes i.e. baseball, football, basketball for the united States.

Hack: look up a professional athletes height that's close to yours and see if you can get their workout routine, take cues from their style, etc.

Popular car in your area

Popular hobby in your area

And the list goes on and on....

ConstanceVigilante · 2023-05-02T20:04:14+00:00

I think “preselection” works the opposite way for me — if I know that another woman is currently interested in a man I’m interested in, I just back off.

If you’re talking about exes/previous partners the person has had, a very attractive/accomplished ex tends to make me insecure and has largely the same effect — I consider the man out of my league and lose interest. If the ex was a “low rated” type, it might make me feel more attracted because I’ll feel like I have a better shot.

Nothing can make up for me finding someone unattractive by themselves though, whether it’s based on appearance or personality.

RatchedAngle · 2023-05-02T19:02:01+00:00

The more women a man dates/has dated, the more potential drama I have to deal with if I start dating him.

When I first started dating my husband, his ex-girlfriend suddenly started messaging him wanting to “know how he was doing.” I realized what her intentions were immediately, but it took more overt flirting for my husband to realize it. She’s one of those girls who keeps all her exes/past hookups on the backburner for easy access when she wants attention. Bonus points if she can cause drama with his new girlfriend.

Men don’t realize this, but a lot of women use men for bonus points in these types of games. A girl might sleep with you, and you might think it’s because you’re a total Chad PUA redpill hotshot…but in reality, she just wanted to piss off your ex-girlfriend. You could’ve been any man and she would’ve fucked you for the sole purpose of pissing off some other woman.

So I actually see it as a red flag when a man is getting a lot of attention from women. It tells me he’s at the center of some drama that he probably isn’t even aware of.

If the man has been preselected by a “low-quality” woman, such as one who other women consider unattractive or of low class, does preselection still play any role at all? Conversely, is the preselection factor stronger if he has been selected by a high quality woman?

If a man has been preselected by women who I know are drama-mongers, and he entertains them, then he would’ve been an automatic “no” for me even if he tried to pull the “I just used them for sex” card.

WideAwake550 · 2023-05-02T22:17:21+00:00

Pre-Selection is real but the caveat is that it ONLY works with women within the same demographic.

In other words, if you're surrounded by rich women, having relationships with rich women will improve your status with them.

If you're around hot women, having relationships with hot women will improve your status with them.

If you're around Latinas, having relationships with Latinas will improve your status with them.

And so on.

But simply having dating success alone doesn't mean that you're going to appeal to all sorts of demographics.

I've dated Black and White women equally. And some Black women I dated viewed it as a "red flag" for me to have White exes and I used to purposefully hide that information. Dating White women doesn't give you more status with Black women....in fact the opposite is generally true.

Similarly, if the only women you can pull are fat and ugly, hot women are going to view you no differently than if you're single. Having experience banging fatties isn't going to give a man more social status among attractive women at all.

And that's where dudes get the Pre-selection thing wrong. There's Pookies and Ray Rays with multiple baby mamas who won't have a single woman looking their way in UMC suburbs or Ivy League schools.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-05-02T18:19:28+00:00

~~I got thrown in PPD jail for saying this a while back but~~ Looks will get you in the door faster than personality when it comes to preselection. You could be the coolest person ever but its harder to get her attention if she doesn't have a reason to take interest in you at first.

8won6 · 2023-05-02T21:03:01+00:00

i suspect alot of gaslighting about preselection will go on in here, but most men will tell you when you have a woman on your arm all of a sudden other women "see" you.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-05-02T22:43:39+00:00

Preselection is a thing in high school and college settings (the “popular guy”), but most other cases, it won’t really factor in. Some women tend to go after married and partnered guys, but those are women you want to steer way clear of.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-02T22:18:37+00:00

The popularity of online dating proves preselection isn't that important at all. 40% of the relationships in the US start online and it is the number one source of them beginning (second is 30% academic/professional circles and tied for second is 30% family/friends social circles).

MortalWombat83 · 2023-05-02T21:11:26+00:00

Anecdotally...when I had a SO I had no shortage of options. When I removed our pic from my profile photo no interest at all..no likes on my posts. Complete opposite. I'm ugly as fuck too

Plopolok · 2023-05-03T02:24:55+00:00

I think studies showed that preselection is indeed stronger when the "preselector female" is higher value, for humans as well as various other species. Sorry I'm too lazy and busy to google it.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-05-02T17:56:36+00:00

Define pre-selection? I don't think having a past relationship with a woman actually indicates anything

What i think matters more is social proof which tends to overlap with pre-selection

It's part of the reason why women aren't on apps as much. And why "he's cuter in person" and warm approaches are a thing.

There's no functional difference between a stranger at a club and a stranger at a house party.

But I assume the stranger at the house party is there because he has friends who have friends who somehow know my friends. After all, how else are we at this person's house? This gives a degree of "safety" or essentially my social group has done my pre-filtering for me.

This becomes much more important after university. Because at that stage people who are alike tend to hang out with each other. You don't see too many party sexed up people being friends with shy nerdy introverts. Or conservatives being super friendly with liberals once you take seeing each other 5 times a week out of the equation. So the person youve met is now more likely to be on your vibe.

having social proof improves your chances. Having social proof generally also means you have social skills and enough charisma to stay within the group that women run in. Which means you generally have had at least one relationship in the past. Which overlaps itself with pre-selection.

FaradayBurka · 2023-05-02T18:35:16+00:00

Not that important. I fell madly in love twice with guys that everyone else told me were too dorky or too short or too ethnic.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-02T19:02:30+00:00

I think pre-selection functions differently at different ages and this largely goes across genders. I do think, for example, men care what other men think of the women they're interested in. When you're young, you're going to care what your peer group thinks of people. The older you get, the more you'll care what close friends and family think of that person. Now, I do think women care more about what other women think for purely safety reasons. This just makes good sense. If a dude rapes one woman, the chances he'd go for a second are higher and such. Players tend to play and all that.

So rude to her, I think it depends what we mean, but I don't think any amount of pre-selection matters if a dude is a dick to you. Especially since I'd naturally assume he's only nice to someone he wants something from, which means he's an asshole.

Obviously, low quality women no one really takes seriously unless we are also low-quality outside of our ability to recognize a woman who has been through the ringer of men and thus is good at recognizing bad men. But in general, if they chose that poorly that many times, why would you trust their judgement? The only reason is if you can tell they're haunted by the ghosts of their past and trying to do better.

I don't want other women's partners. I would assume that she loves him and thus is tolerating his struggles. I would question how long that will go on for, and hope he gets his shit together provided that is a possibility, and if not, that her love can see past this. Doesn't really change how I personally would see him. I don't have that love in my heart nor do I care. I'll evaluate who he is today, not who he may have been twenty years ago. That's why she's his person and I'm not.

KikiYuyu · 2023-05-02T20:09:22+00:00

So if a guy is standoffish and rude, that would be off-putting to me. I would assume being around him is unpleasant.

If he has been selected by a woman who's opinion I don't value highly, I'm not really going to change my mind.

If he has been selected by a woman who's opinion I respect and value, I might think "hmm, maybe there's something more to him". I wouldn't suddenly want him or anything, but I would be less harsh right away in my judgement.

But this sort of logic goes for many, many things. When there's something you aren't sure about from your own experience, you get clues from what other people are doing. We eat at restaurants that are recommended to us, we see movies with good reviews from people with similar tastes to us.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-05-02T20:17:50+00:00

If a man is standoffish or even rude to a woman, how likely is she still going to be attracted to him just because he has been preselected by another woman?

This depends on the woman. Some like rude men due to unhealthy attachment patterns. For me, its a turnoff no matter what his other qualities are/who else likes him. I had this happen in a past social circle- all the women liked this one guy who was conventionally attractive and successful and looked past his rudeness. I didnt and I was the only one who did this and received negative comments about it too.

If the man has been preselected by a “low-quality” woman, such as one who other women consider unattractive or of low class, does preselection still play any role at all? Conversely, is the preselection factor stronger if he has been selected by a high quality woman?

I dont really pay attention to what women have liked him in the past. Pretty much everybody has been liked by unattractive people or low class people in their life. I guess a high quality woman liking him would help, but you dont know that person or their motives. No, I care what I think.

If a man has dropped in quality, such as getting fat or losing his hair, yet his partner still seems to love him and treat him well, does her continued selection of him outweigh his loss of appearance quality in any way at all?

I dont see anything as "outweighing" I just see a couple who love each other aging.

ProudBaconEater2018 · 2023-05-04T17:50:56+00:00

Preselection seems to be the thing women deny the most but has a lot of influence on their decisions.

I see men that would otherwise be sexless marrying multiple times because pre-selection... they divorce, another woman appears, often even way better looking than him.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-02T18:35:05+00:00

Preselection is used to explain why men believe that “as soon as I put on a wedding band women were so much nicer to me”. That’s because you stopped being a needy sex pest, Carl, not because those women want to sleep with you.

Preselection is a vague catch all term which explains that most people like likable people.

It does not mean that women want what other women have. It kinda means that women don’t really want a man who no one likes.

Social proof is a more reliable metric.

ROBYoutube · 2023-05-02T17:50:29+00:00

Pre-selection is a pretty fucked up and misogynistic concept in my experience.

The actual concept that is important is called 'social proof'. It's sort of like pre-selection but instead of being predicated on women wanting to steal the men of other women it's just the shine you get from lots of people choosing to be around you.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-02T18:05:44+00:00

I think pre-selection is one of the things overemphaized and yet misunderstood by most men.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-02T18:31:54+00:00

In general, not very, but there are certain personality types, among men and women, who lack the ability to think for themselves and need other people to tell them who to like. Women are usually quite happy to say their tastes are different and they find their friends' crushes unattractive. And straight women don't generally care or think about the relationship "quality" of other women. If they find a man unattractive they find him unattractive, if another women is into him at most they'll think "that's cute".

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-05-02T18:31:11+00:00

I don't think pre-selection is a real thing.

At least how you described here.

Aging occurs. Aging isn't a drop in quality. Most people expect their partner to age and change.

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Meme_Devil12388 · 2023-05-02T18:59:16+00:00

If the man has been preselected by a “low-quality” woman, such as one who other women consider unattractive or of low class, does preselection still play any role at all?

No, it doesn’t. My first girlfriend was someone I wasn’t very attracted to; largely because she was obese. I got with her so I could break-out of incel-dom, and finally get a relationship under my belt, so that I wouldn’t be cursed with being a 24 year old virgin male without any relationship experience. Because, despite blue-pillers insisting otherwise, that is definitely considered to be a red flag to a huge portion of women. And if nothing else, I really did need some experience.

So I did things and/or went places with her in public (didn’t shy from PDA, either), acted natural about it, and put photos of her on my Instagram profile. Not just to test preselection, but because I knew she’d become “insecure” if I didn’t. It boosted my popularity with women by 0.00000%. Didn’t really surprise me, because standing at that mythical 6-feet/182.8 cm mark (At 170 IB./77.1107 KG), having a decent V-taper, and an at-least okay face, made it really obvious I was desperate, when being seen with her. And I was.

But oh well, nowadays I’m still autistic, so I still “fumble the bag” with women I like more. And sometimes they sexually harass me, so I have that going for me, I guess.

KikiYuyu · 2023-05-02T20:09:32+00:00

So if a guy is standoffish and rude, that would be off-putting to me. I would assume being around him is unpleasant.

If he has been selected by a woman who's opinion I don't value highly, I'm not really going to change my mind.

If he has been selected by a woman who's opinion I respect and value, I might think "hmm, maybe there's something more to him". I wouldn't suddenly want him or anything, but I would be less harsh right away in my judgement.

But this sort of logic goes for many, many things. When there's something you aren't sure about from your own experience, you get clues from what other people are doing. We eat at restaurants that are recommended to us, we see movies with good reviews from people with similar tastes to us.

Old-Condition-119 · 2023-05-02T23:39:33+00:00

The fact a woman wants him shows he does something right for her. If she is a dick it makes you feel sorry for him. If she's with him but unhappy in a mad way it makes you wonder why she's with him even though he pisses her off... And why he's not ending it either - makes it seem he's probably a dick, maybe emotionally manipulative cos she can't go but she isn't happy, odd.

Same for if he makes her miserable. Sometimes the woman is clearly a trophy wife, for me that's a huge turn off. If he's with a "high value" woman I'm indifferent if not a bit put off, I also appreciate he may not keep up with her and end up left behind, in which case if he's my friend I'd keep an eye on how he's doing emotionally from whatever safe distance there is, the same way I'd look out for a vulnerable female friend. I currently have no friends though.

If he seems whipped for her I sort of respect and love that for them, given she's just as mad about him, I feel creepy fancying taken people tbh, I sort of like single guys 😂 for the sake of not feeling like I'm taking him away from possibly the one, cos quite frankly I'm a mess! An insecure mess. If there's another woman or if a guy tries to make me jealous I'm instantly like oh... Well obviously there's a clear winner here and I'm happy for you, find your soulmate so at least one of us can be happy!

Don't get me wrong sometimes I vibe with taken guys but never in a way that's anything other than platonic (self control) 🙂 except this one guy who was creeping on me for ages and went through women like cigarettes, and cheated on everyone he was with, and was open about it too. So it was sort of like - why even bother getting with this guy!? I dunno why we fucked but we did once, while he was with someone, they already hated each other, he'd already cheated on her, she knew, she was using him for money - I did not destroy a soulmate connection.

Title	How important is preselection when it comes to a woman choosing a partner?
Author	wtknight
Upvotes	43
Comments	97
Date	May 2, 2023 5:44 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/135uxuv/how_important_is_preselection_when_it_comes_to_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-important-is-preselection-when-it-comes-to-a.1217496 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217496

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