QW: For women who are against hookup culture, what made you not want casual sex and value sex as exclusively a romantic activity?

TigerLily88 · 2023-05-25T05:14:45+00:00

I saw no benefit in casual sex. Usually the man does not care about my pleasure, it was usually very awkward before, during and after and I have better sex when I am romantically involved with the guy because I trust him more.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-05-25T05:35:34+00:00

I'm not against casual sex but it has zero interest for me. I was an accident born to teenaged parents who grew up poor white trash, and I spent my entire childhood watching people follow their baser impuses into ruin and misery, never once examining their motives or choices.

We are the architects of our own lives, and the people who we choose to allow into them can have a significant impact. I don't make room in my life for people who don't add to it, and for me, casual sex adds nothing but potential risk.

lle-ell · 2023-05-25T05:00:28+00:00

I’m not against it, but it’s not for me. I can’t imagine sleeping with someone I don’t have a romantic connection to, even hot people just don’t turn me on that much. I need the emotional connection for my body to respond.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-05-25T05:19:32+00:00

No benefit being used as a one-sided masturbatory aid to an ungrateful guy that will likely also judge you for it. Too many guys out their think casual sex is their gain, your loss.

EulenWatcher · 2023-05-25T05:16:12+00:00

I’m demi so I need emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. I also easily attach to people and I’m a pretty jealous person, so FWB would just cause some heartbreak. Therefore hookup culture makes little sense for me to engage.

I don’t mind other people engaging into it though. It’s just not my cup of tea.

ashleyrose56 · 2023-05-25T05:31:36+00:00

There's no benefit. Casual sex is usually subpar sex. I wonder how many women actually come in those encounters. What's the benefit of being like a hooker but for free? What's the point of being objectified by men who don't care about you? Even if they care somehow, they don't know you, so they can't please you like an stable partner can.

The sexual revolution is the biggest scam. Be an empowered woman! But always through the male gaze.

No_Cricket_2824 · 2023-05-25T05:04:57+00:00

Great way to parse through serious men and I don't care for casual sex much. If I get the urge I'll just masterbate and continue my day.

indigo_royal · 2023-05-25T05:47:03+00:00

Looks like most women aren’t really in to casual sex. Some have tried it, and they think it kinda sucks. I’m a dude and I think it kinda sucks. I might do it again - but there would have to be a true emotional/spiritual connection in a short period of time which really happens.

chalkandapples · 2023-05-25T05:57:49+00:00

I don't enjoy sex with anyone I don't have a strong emotional and romantic connection to. I'm not against it morally, I just don't want or like it.

KikiYuyu · 2023-05-25T07:20:08+00:00

To me it's as much a part of my sexual orientation as being straight. I have no sexual attraction to women, and I have no sexual attraction to people I'm not in love with. The idea of it is unappealing and uncomfortable to me.

lacuti3 · 2023-05-25T07:20:29+00:00

I think girls who sleep around have really low standards for sex. Like they don’t get much out of it physically but they still do it lol

Piece_Of_Toast50 · 2023-05-25T07:23:05+00:00

I think people should have a choice in what they want to do so I don’t take any issue with others engaging in it.

I just think hooking up with a random person can be scary because you don’t know what that person is like, what their motives are and whether they’ll harm you or not. There is also unfortunately an issue with stealthing, and if that occurs you don’t know if the person in question has an STD or not, so that’s another concern. If you have unprotected sex with strangers from the get go, again, STD concerns.

As well as this, I would much prefer to have sex with someone who knows my body well and can explore all of our kinks and desires together with. Go on a sexual adventure and get each other off in whatever way we can. By hooking up with other people all the time you eliminate the potential to have truly mind-blowing sex as they don’t know how your body works in the same way that an attentive romantic or close casual partner would.

My anxiety coupled with my desire to have kinky sex with one person over and over again is why I choose not to participate. It’s not for any moral reason whatsoever. If a woman wants to sleep with 50 people a year, that’s her prerogative.

Laurely4u · 2023-05-25T10:59:18+00:00

Orgasm gap, ongoing hassles over latex condoms, stealthing, welshing on the previous handshake deal for hookup sex by pestering for additional dates in spite of no string pre agreement, in bedroom debates over preset boundaries, general disrespect for what types of sexual activities are agreed upon or not agreed upon, kiss and tell afterward and social aftermath of humiliation, locker room talk, ruin of reputation, harassment by other men who were told which door to knock on for constantly available no responsibility sex, the general untrustworthiness of bringing such a questionable person to a residential home, making bigger than expected messes of sheets and towels and leaving a mess behind. Expense of hotels. Travel related issues. Worry over biohazard risk after finding out ongoing advertising is constantly running to recruit endless legions of additional new partners, triangulated jealousy finding out who he is showering with expensive gifts comparative to who is the designated cumbucket. Attempts to become jealously controlling, false alarms over STI’s, finding out I was clean from the doctor and he wasn’t

Innanaspeaks · 2023-05-25T06:24:39+00:00

My personal story. I get pretty horny around ovulation. I'm more likeky to dress up and go out drinking and dancing. Im more likely to meet a guy (I've never used Tinder). Alcohol also makes me really horny. So I've had quite a few one night stands. (Bad judgement)

None of the guys have been hot, none of the sex was any good (for me) and the big issue is that... I'm really good at sex. This is not kinky, not that way but i show desire, i touch all over the body, i connect deeply for that moment. I make love.

The issue is that it these guys are not particularly desirable and have usually never been treated like that before... and they fall fast and deep and i get stalkers. Ive never had a ONS without some kind of offer afterwards- fwb, girlfriend etc.

I don't want any of it. I'm pretty avoidant and have no intention of going anywhere near these guys again. I usually totally regret going there in the first place.

Ive not been out when I'm ovulating in years and ive given up drinking.

Ryno-Dee · 2023-05-25T07:30:32+00:00

Answer: A whole lot of past hook-ups.

You’re welcome

87AudreyHorne · 2023-05-25T07:47:53+00:00

It's just how I am, I don't want to even be naked around random people let alone have sex with them. The guy can be the hottest man ever, I won't instantly want sex with him.

I think I am just a bit of an inhibited person, I was always much less comfortable with nudity than a lot of people around me since I can remember. I would never get naked around female friends for instance and even when I was younger the idea of a gynecologist was traumatic. Don't get me wrong, I can dress super revealing, tight etc but I am not ok with full nudity (genitals) and I need to be in full control of what is seen and how I'm seen (let alone touched) by others

There's nothing really moral about it for me at all, I am simply not comfortable and it's not what I want to do with someone I just meet. There's no urge I'm fighting for example, I can have a wild make out session drunk with a guy and go home with him and I still wouldn't have sex, these boundaries are rock solid. I don't crave penetration at all unless I'm super comfortable with a guy, even if I'm otherwise turned on and being sexual with a man.

But yeah I wouldn't attribute it to morality or any dating game or my value etc, just simple personal inhibition that makes it not something I would enjoy or crave. maybe a type of shyness but at one point I got comfortable about those being my boundaries.

TO add: I don't think I actually put so much value on sex as an act, I don't think of it as some sacred deed and am all for casual simple fun sex in a relationship. I don't need like rose petals and romantic music lol, I'd much rather have a quickie cause I'm in the mood than make it an event. I just don't get how you can be comfortable being exposed to someone who doesn't love you

shine_light888 · 2023-05-25T09:53:35+00:00

Because most women can’t compartmentalize love and sex. We see it as both or neither. We put up boundaries because we were lied to and told we were loved, when it was lust only. Because this is incredibly painful and it’s evident when someone doesn’t actually love us. The only way to be sure it’s love is to not give it away to just anyone that wants it.

AssOfTheSameOldMule · 2023-05-25T06:08:38+00:00

I’m a very sexual person. In relationships, I always have the higher libido and the weirder kinks. I masturbate all the goddamn time. I love to flirt and I’ll make out with practically anyone. I’m far from being a prude.

But the idea of a someone touching me sexually, or of myself touching someone else sexually, when I don’t love them and feel loved by them - it makes me want to barf. I can’t imagine anything more disgusting, no matter who the person is or what he looks like. It takes me a very long time (months or even years) to desire someone in a sexual way. Once the floodgates open, there’s no holding them back! But it’s a very slow roll till then.

I never decided to keep love and sex intertwined in my head. For me, that’s just what comes naturally. I’m happy with it, as I generally think casual sex is a shit deal for women. If it ain’t broke, why fix it, ya know?

Emotional-Day8685 · 2023-05-25T07:21:10+00:00

Because even if it's just a hook up sex, I can develop an attachment to the man I had sex with

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-05-25T09:47:49+00:00

I’m not against it, I have enough happening in my life I don’t care what other people get up to in their sex lives assuming everyone’s of age, consenting etc.

I’m what’s called “demisexual” which is just an obnoxious way of saying I don’t feel sexual desire for someone unless there’s an emotional connection. I can think someone’s attractive, but for me there’s a big gap between that and actually wanting to sleep with them.

From what I hear from friends, casual sex is 90% of the time just being used a fleshlight by someone with no care if you’re enjoying it. Why would I put myself at risk of pregnancy and STIs and I’m not even enjoying myself lol.

Cocolover99 · 2023-05-25T09:48:15+00:00

I’ve grown up religious, so that gave me a kickstart. Even though I’m not religious I can’t se myself sharing my body with someone who hasn’t proven that he is worthy or loves me. I’m not here for someone’s entertainment and I think I have so much more to lose for a potential orgasm that is also unlikely

Drougen · 2023-05-25T11:03:34+00:00

I see casual sex as completely pointless.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-25T05:20:06+00:00

I am abstaining from all forms of premarital sex, casual or otherwise.

I'm a cradle Catholic but was raised by parents who weren't against premarital relations as long as the couple does so responsibly. From the start it was my choice. My parents walked me through the pros and cons of each route. I realized that my emotional need of comfort, security, and tradition before engaging in sex outweighs the physical cravings. Not by a lot, but enough.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-05-25T06:36:48+00:00

Reading the red pill and understanding the absolute disdain and hatred that many men have for the women that open themselves up to risking pregnancy, a ruined reputation, and bodily harm for pleasure for. I never want to sleep with a man who even has a modicum of a chance of being someone who follows the manosphere principles.

Mentathiel · 2023-05-25T06:35:11+00:00

I'm not against it, I just never found it appealing. I feel pretty vulnerable during sex and it seems scary to go there with someone I don't have a certain level of emotional intimacy with.

anon018274031 · 2023-05-25T08:45:41+00:00

I’m not against it. I tried dating and subsequently had a few ONS/hook ups. They were always shit in every way. I had one good hook up who single handedly restored my libido but otherwise the rest were absolutely awful.

The sex was shit (never got off, selfish people in bed), they made me feel ugly and like a flesh light. They were also extremely vanilla, so it was boring af and could not read body language. Plus it was always a fight to get them to wear a condoms, I’m convinced these are the same men who would claim they were ‘baby trapped’ despite taking no responsibility for themselves.

Worst case scenario of falling in love with a guy using me for sex also happened. So that was fun.

Not sure if it makes a difference but I’d always prefer a relationship, all but one of the hookups I had were in the context of dating.

Safinated · 2023-05-25T08:50:02+00:00

Either we’re all free to do what we want without judgement or we aren’t 🤷‍♀️

Lyvicious · 2023-05-25T09:01:57+00:00

I wouldn't say I'm "against" it, but hook-ups aren't something I want for myself. I don't think anything "made" me that way, I just was. As a teen I was writing love stories in the margins of my notebooks and mooning over my crush wishing he'd love me, not dreaming of hooking up with guys, and that just never changed. Casual sex just never appealed to me.

punapearebane · 2023-05-25T11:57:35+00:00

Having sex with a man i have an emotional connection to is way better. Casual sex is just cheat and might as well just do it myself.

aliaaaaaaaaaaaa · 2023-05-25T12:05:13+00:00

Just thinks it's gross and never benefits women

Kateseesu · 2023-05-25T12:35:35+00:00

I feel really vulnerable during sex and I don’t like to be vulnerable with strangers. I also feel like the best sex is due to the best communication and that’s difficult with strangers as well.

Also I don’t want to be tricked. So many people can so easily pretend to be someone else for just a night and they could really be someone truly horrible who pokes a hole in the condom or secretly films us.

One-Passenger-2953 · 2023-05-25T12:38:59+00:00

Sex have almost never been satisfying when it comes to ONS. Typically there is some excitement, then PIV sex, the man finish and that is it. When having sex with the same man a couple of times, don't believe it necessary need to be romantic, then you can come to the point where both finish.

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JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-25T07:47:57+00:00

Not against, just disinterested. I’m not turned on by a man’s appearance alone. Takes awhile to get to know someone and develop a flirty rapport and emotional connection.

Not having sex with anyone into weird things.

NothingOrAllLife · 2023-05-25T12:21:20+00:00

Not sure if I value sex as a romantic activity exactly. I just don’t want to have sex with an stranger. If a guy friend wanted an FWB and I felt the same, depending on some other factors I’d be more on board with it.

And I’m definitely n it against it for others. Do what you want! Just hold yourself to the same standard.

Sophiatab · 2023-05-25T14:56:50+00:00

For me, my religion forbids its, therefore, I don't. Also, I from the conversations I have had with other women, I have observed that most men aren't good at pleasing women. Sex toys on the other hand, almost always can be used to orgasm.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-05-25T14:58:55+00:00

I just wasn't interested in it. Nothing about it seems appealing, and I couldn't think of a worse hell than getting saddled with a baby or STI from some chump I barely know.

Plus people are gross and most have questionable hygiene.

swonecznik · 2023-05-25T15:14:16+00:00

I'm not opposed to casual sex for other people. Unless they're not really attracted to the other person, I really think people should have enough self respect to not hookup with people they find ugly just because they want to get laid (or whatever other reason that may be).

But for me personally, I don't do hookups. That's because I'm only ever attracted to one person at a time. I also have to both be emotionally attached to them and romantically attracted to them in order to be sexually attracted to them. So, I'm not interested in strangers at all, and I wouldn't hookup with someone that I'd hope to be in a ltr with and know that a ltr isn't on the table.

If I were attractive and could so casually be sexually attracted to people, I'd probably do hookups. But that's just not how I am.

HentaiQueen0w0 · 2023-05-25T15:38:57+00:00

I’m currently in a relationship—have been in it since I graduated high school—and I haven’t actually had experience with casual sex.

Thing is though, I don’t really want to. When I have sex with my current partner I’m always 1000% satisfied at the end of every intimate engagement.

I wouldn’t enjoy going through what most casuals seem to echo, which is that women are most often left unsatisfied.

But like everyone else in this comment thread, I don’t care what others do, so long as they’re not harming others they can do whatever they want.

gabishes · 2023-05-25T15:57:55+00:00

It hurt my feelings. I had two hookups after getting out of an abusive and it really made me feel gross. Like a piece of meat

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-05-25T16:25:29+00:00

I have a few kinks that require a great deal of trust and safety protocols, so as a result I'm also very careful about how I interact with people intimately and with whom. Casual sex ain't worth the risk, if other people wanna have it good on them you do you but count me out. I'd rather go without sexual contact for a few years (like I'm doing right now) than risk putting myself in danger of physical harm or an STD.

Pink_inthenightcream · 2023-05-25T16:31:13+00:00

Casual sex in no way benefits a woman. This is basic but I'm gonna run it anyways . Women release large quantities of oxytocin during sex and that's unofficially called the "love hormone".It emotionally bonds you to your partner.This is why a woman's body count matters.Pair bonding loses its meaning when you've bonded with several men. Which is why over time sex doesn't mean anything even with the man they possibly see a future with. Also the risk of pregnancy is too much to look past, and not to forget the disease they'll pass on to you. It's better to be safe than sorry. Only men are benefiting from casual sex, women saying I'm giving you my huha for free with no string attached,FWB, trains will never be respected by any man. Even the one who used it for the best of their benefits. Sadly a lot of women don't understand this. Also this question is super weird. Cause not wanting casual sex with just any weak man is natural. It's like being asked why I choose to be normal ! 🤣 Also in a casual sex most women's pleasure can easily be ignored and the possibilities of experiencing terrible sex and hating sex due to past experiences are pretty high. It's a waste of time, energy and vibe. I'm not saying be a virgin or what. It's cool if you are that's alright. But save all the desire for your loved ones it'll be worth it.

Title	QW: For women who are against hookup culture, what made you not want casual sex and value sex as exclusively a romantic activity?
Author	zenstorm78
Upvotes	13
Comments	154
Date	May 25, 2023 4:54 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13r8aqp/qw_for_women_who_are_against_hookup_culture_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/qw-for-women-who-are-against-hookup-culture-what.1220259 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220259

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