CMV: What goes on in the bedrooms of consenting adults should be none of your business

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-09-08T13:20:47+00:00

She's free to do what she wants, and people are free to have their opinions of it.

People have strong opinions over sex workers. People have strong opinions over women getting abortions. People have strong opinions over women having a "slut phase". People have strong opinions over women begging for sexual validation online.

And yes, people have strong opinions over large age gap relationships.

Having the freedom and agency to do something doesn't mean that people can only have positive opinions of it.

0DarkFlirty · 2023-09-08T12:50:18+00:00

No one actually cares you're 34 trying to fuck a 21 year old. And if you're easily shamed into not doing so by people who don't give a fuck about you then you're not even the guy that could pull it off.

Travis-Varga · 2023-09-08T12:44:05+00:00

Yes, consenting adults should have the right to do whatever they want with each other in their bedroom. But that doesn’t mean that absolutely everything that consenting adults do together is helpful for their life and not harmful. Like, it’s perfectly legal to pay someone to “be” your “friend”, analogous to paying for sex, but you should condemn people who should know better and the practice itself.

John_Oakman · 2023-09-08T13:02:34+00:00

Warning of potential consequences and pitfalls of certain actions =/= policing for the prohibition of said actions.

ratboi34 · 2023-09-08T13:14:12+00:00

An earlier comment of mine, trying to explain the age gap taboo:

"Men and women are perceived differently. People usually perceive women and their intentions as good and men in that regard more negatively. That is one of the reasons for the existing age gap discourse. Another reason is the ick that women get. When we imagine a 40 year old man in a relationship with a 20 year old woman, we think of a balding janitor with a beer belly and that might give women the ick. I don't think that as many women would care if that guy was Henry Cavill. There is no evidence, that older men, that date younger women are more abusive. In fact the opposite might be true, since young men are the most violent group of the population."

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-09-08T15:01:33+00:00

The age gap discourse is super funny to me because it's always the same pattern. Dude makes a post about it on a debate forum. Gets a bunch of differing opinions, some supportive of the thing, some against it. Then 30 dudes proceed to make endless threads whinging about why women don't like it, how could they not like it, how they're bitter old bog hags because they don't like it, why are they so obsessed with this topic, etc.

You're the ones who constantly bring it up and get mad when there isn't a unanimous supportive response. There is someone obsessed with this topic, but it isn't the detractors.

Novel-Tip-7570 · 2023-09-08T12:28:47+00:00

I think the age gap discourse is mostly an overreaction to the trend of grown men dating literal minors , like when Tristan Tate brags about dating 15 year olds. It used to happen more often than you think back in the day.

I think some age gaps are questionable but largely , age gap relationships are great for some people. It depends on your idiosyncrasy. I am dating a man 12 years older myself but we met as older adults. If I met him when I was like 17-18 I would not have been ready.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-09-08T13:19:14+00:00

Older dudes just need to accept the fact that chasing younger women is going to be seen as creepy and come to terms with being the dirty older man.

stereoroid · 2023-09-08T12:27:12+00:00

Answer: it is none of my business ... unless she wants something from me, at which point it becomes my business. Analogy: if someone asks me for money, I'm going to ask what it's for. If I'm expected to pay for something, I want to know what it is and where it's been.

MidoriEgg · 2023-09-08T13:28:26+00:00

People are too black and white these days, you can judge things or be critical about them without thinking the people involved and what they’re doing is complete evil.

TopNYJeweler · 2023-09-08T13:38:32+00:00

Very weird women claim they want to protect younger women from exploitation, considering how exploitative the makeup and clothing industry is... and considering that is not even an essential industry.

Operatesinreality · 2023-09-08T13:53:50+00:00

Yep. It's so ridiculous that they think that 20 years old woman can consent to sex industry, which is damaging and disgusting but not to a relationship with one partner.

TheDustLord · 2023-09-08T14:25:32+00:00

Boyfriend cheating on you - his body his choice

Overarching_Chaos · 2023-09-09T15:08:41+00:00

The argument that women are strong and independent but at the same time are brainwashed by the patriarchy when it comes to age gap relationships or career preferences, is my all time favourite hypocrisy of feminism.

FairyMachine · 2023-09-08T13:32:06+00:00

As a woman in a loving age gap relationship with a man 10 years older than me, a decent man would not be spending his time on Reddit trying to defend age gap relationships.

If you all are such catches, then go for it.

Why are you so defensive? It's like you feel like you've got something to hide.

If a young woman loves you, what is the issue? I don't know many people who criticize age gap relationships when it's all fine and loving.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-09-08T13:28:37+00:00

You seem to be confusing "it's illegal" with "it's a bad idea."

But why are red pillers so desperate for everyone's validation on this? Everyone has made their position clear and red pillers scorn the idea of caring about what anyone thinks, so why are they trying so hard to get everyone's buyoff on it? If y'all think that after being rejected for years by women your own age that 18 year olds are going to be tripping over themselves to get a piece of you, then you go try to make fetch happen. I don't understand why they're so needy for universal approval.

AngeCruelle · 2023-09-08T16:09:31+00:00

It is absolutely ridiculous to go on the internet, solicit people's opinions on a topic, and then say "ahhh none of your business!"

If you truly think it's no one else's business, stop bringing it up on platforms literally designed for discussion and debate.

KayRay1994 · 2023-09-08T12:53:46+00:00

funny how y’all suddenly care about women’s autonomy when it involves trying to sleep with a much younger woman

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-09-08T12:58:17+00:00

You care about this way more than we do. You asked about age gap couples and we answered. That they rarely work out, aren't the norm and that old men that go after young women specifically are creepy and self-serving and she'll probably realize that at some point.

Demasii · 2023-09-08T12:58:37+00:00

Young woman falling for an older guy - "Yikes, you've been groomed sis"

A man falling for a high N-count woman - "Yikes, she doesn't deserve love bro"

Safinated · 2023-09-08T14:40:58+00:00

People will always have opinions and judgments. Numbers 1-4 are defended specifically because they are also criticized, just like number 5

RonMexico432 · 2023-09-08T15:23:44+00:00

When you put your private bedroom business on the internet, it's no longer private.

Able-Imagination3695 · 2023-09-08T16:20:23+00:00

yet another post made by someone who's really upset at being called creepy for doing creepy shit lol

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-08T16:31:21+00:00

I can make a list of attitudes a lot of people hold but don't represent the full picture too!

Young woman posting pictures of her body: "Ew, why is she so desperate for attention? Brainwashed by social media much?"

Young woman in sex work: "Yikes, this is grooming."

Young woman getting an abortion: "She's been brainwashed into literally murdering her child and this is not okay."

Young woman having sex with multiple people: "What a slut, look at all the damage she thinks she has to do to herself."

Young woman dating a man twice her age: "They're perfectly in love, no questions asked, if you think there's an even slightly increased risk of something bad happening you think women are literal children." (Side note, I've actually been told this when the woman in question has been older than me, which is funny.)

What you do in the bedroom is your business. But if it can be seen outside of the bedroom and others can comment on it, don't be surprised to get some critical comments. It is completely okay to inform people of risks they may be undertaking and have concern for their wellbeing. We are under no obligation to ignore what we think might be a problem. So long as these concerns are expressed in a way that is polite, tactful and respects boundaries they aren't something you can never speak about.

Twinseo09 · 2023-09-08T16:42:07+00:00

Classic black and white thinking that shows up as false dichotomy. It’s either X OR either Y. It’s cannot possibly be a middle ground to this discussion.

You gotta love the discussion on age gap relationship. When we know most young women prefer dating men close to their age meaning they have no interest in dating significantly older men. You guys keep discussing a demographic that isn’t even interested in your old asses.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-09-08T17:36:58+00:00

Women do get judged for twerking, OF, and even wearing bikinis though.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-doctors-are-posing-in-swimwear-on-social-media/?amp=true

This is especially true for professional women who want to be taken seriously. I know how it is and I play the game really well. Despite being sex positive, I actually dress really modestly most of the time. I wear modern tailored clothes that complement my figure but I don’t show much skin. That’s the advice I would give to young women who want to have a career.

I’d also advise young women to be extra cautious with age gap relationships but I don’t see anything inherently wrong with them as long as it’s the legal age of consent.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-09-08T18:00:15+00:00

Did l miss something? Has someone made age gap relationships illegal? Has someone passed laws trying to imprison men for dating adults? Are they being threatened with prison sentences for dating adults?

neinhaltchad · 2023-09-08T18:28:04+00:00

We all make some judgements about other peoples relationships as we all have our own baggage that informs things that have been “red flags” in our own past.

That’s normal. So, to that extent I disagree that it’s “none of our business”

We might judge a guy with a literal cuckhold fetish negatively for example.

Still, I personally would never take that man’s agency away from his choices the way so many women seem to do in this single, solitary instance.

When a young woman chooses by her own free will to date an older man, she apparently transforms instantly from fierce, independent boss kween who can choose to “celebrate” her sexuality any way she wants to a 5 year old school girl being offered candy from the back of a windowless van.

It is off the charts weird the level of (PPD) women’s absolute vitriol and apoplectic rants and name calling when it comes to age gaps.

It betrays a much deeper insecurity and existential dread than is remotely reasonable.

I think we know what is behind this.

We also can’t forget that the age gaps simultaneously don’t happen because women find older men gross, but they also happen enough for women to need to scream loudly about them.

Basically, PPD women have gone full horse shoe theory with this subject.

As OP points out, they are either silent or actually encouraging of behaviors that by any measure are objectively more likely to be poor life choices for a woman

In this very thread there is somebody claiming age gaps are bad because their friend is dating a “drug dealer with face tattoos and 2 baby mamas” who happens to be older than the woman.

The biggest issue they found with the above man was the fact that he was older than the woman.

Think about that.

Just another reason (among many) why women on PPD are:

not reflective of people IRL
not to be listened to

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-09-08T13:16:31+00:00

Well statistically age gap relationships don’t last long. So waste your time if you want to sis.

Makuta_Servaela · 2023-09-08T13:28:57+00:00

That's because, as you said in your title, we care about consent. Age gaps are very likely to have consent issues (not that every age gap does, but a lot do).

A 19 year old is able to consent to sex in general, but the situation the sex takes place in can vary in consent greatly.

That being said, we generally want none of those things to be actually illegal, unless the person is so young they haven't even experienced life outside of school age yet and consent is infinitely harder to look out for. Hence why most age of consent laws are 16-18.

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MarBitt · 2023-09-08T13:01:34+00:00

Abortion is not a matter between two consenting adults nor does it take place in the bedroom. It is fine if the law also takes into account the rights of the unborn child. I'm not an anti-abortion activist, but it would be weird if abortion was completely unrestricted and women had abortions in the eighth month, a few weeks before their due date simply because they could.

In the same way, the law of most states restricts and punishes incest, because it is their bodies, their choice, but the children are affected by that choice. And the rights of those children are taken into account before they are even conceived.

bruhminer · 2023-09-08T14:41:05+00:00

The funny thing is I have heard of more instances of younger women who manipulate older man for their gain rather than the opposite.

Another thing that makes this discussion so idiotic to me is how uncommon it is to for old (like 35+) men to able to date girls who are extremely young in the first place. Like seriously how many men can even pull that of ? 1% ? Probably even less than that. I am not even that old, in my mid to late 20s and I don't think I could bang a 18 year old even if my life depended on it, I don't think people realize how hard it is to attract women who are significantly younger than you, like 5+ year age gap.

Your concern is aimed at such a small percentage of couples who gives a shit ?

SianOiseau · 2023-09-08T14:46:04+00:00

Age gap relationships aren't just about their bedroom. People don't feel that icky about casual encounters as long as the younger partner isn't too close to being a minor. Long-term relationships with a big age gap have a bunch of possible downsides for the younger partner though.

Also people sometimes judge the younger partner for being a gold digger as well.

Also people do judge others for the other things you've listed and they do give advice against certain things from the list. If my friend wanted to do porn, I'd talk with her about possible downsides and whether she was ready to have her naked pictures online forever. If she needed money, I'd try to help her out. In the same way if she was dating a much older guy, I'd try to warn her about possible downsides.

social_mules_alt · 2023-09-08T15:09:16+00:00

I don't think anyone judges older men for sleeping with women 18-25 when it's consensual. In fact most people applaude it. People are a bit critical because when you're younger in your 20s you don't really know yourself and what you want out of life. The older guys is probably looking to settle down with an early 20s woman and in most cases this woman is figuring herself out, who she is. That's why it doesn't work out long term because the same woman probably wants different things when she's a bit older. Also, a career is expected from women in developed countries. Conservative men are like why do women want to work when they can just marry. Well, its because its expected for a woman to have a career in the developed world. Most mothers and fathers push their kids to have a good career. A woman in her 20s will also be figuring out that. If men really want a young wife, they should go to countries where more traditional relationships exist still where daughters are more focused on getting married.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-09-08T16:29:03+00:00

Would you consider the people who died in the Jonestown suicide to be victims?

They voluntarily did it. But they were tricked by a cult leader.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-08T17:24:46+00:00

It’s still her body her choice, but that doesn’t automatically grant social approval. I personally don’t think sex work or promiscuity is a good choice either, but people can approve or disapprove of whatever they want based on their own experiences or the information they have gathered. Myself, I think the age for sex work should be raised to 21 and that it’s generally harmful to any woman, so you will never see me advocating for teens getting into OF or anything like that.

As for abortion, if a 19 yr old brain is “unbaked” (which for the most part I agree that it is), isn’t it worse for her to have the baby? Neither abortion nor unplanned parenthood is ever an easy choice. But the fact of the matter is she is pregnant, and a difficult choice must be made either way.

Fuzzzll · 2023-09-08T20:05:16+00:00

Except when she's my upstairs neighbor and wakes me up moaning like a pornstar. Not even gonna lie I was kinda into it the first few nights but wtf EVERY night? Girl chill

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-09-08T20:09:45+00:00

The modern relationship dynamics are so convoluted and contradictory..I'm not supposed to date 18 yr Olds as a successful older man..but it's perfectly fine for 18 yr Olds to date young pookies that can't do anything for them but get them pregnant.

I once dated a 19 yr old that had a kid,the babys father was in jail with 3 years into a 10 year bid...I owned my home a rental property had a succesful career and did well for my self and no kids.yet people wanted to judge primarily her sister who wasn't really doing sht with her life.

I got that girl her driver's license and enrolled in school I gave her more support and helped her advance more than her family ever did.I see online people saying men date younger women so we can control them blah blah blah.I dated her because we alighted she was attractive and I liked her personality also she chose me I didn't seek her out or approach her.

I have never pursued a woman and I never will I only deal with the ones that choose me but yes adult relationships ate no one else's business

bluepvtstorm · 2023-09-08T21:23:38+00:00

My only issue with age gap relationships is the power and life imbalance for either side but especially younger women.

People who are 21 just don’t have enough life experience to know if they are being coerced or manipulated. They wind up wed, bed and bred before they even know if the man is a good person or not because he has had time to hone his deceptive skills.

Stunning-Ad14 · 2023-09-08T23:18:08+00:00

They're all "her choice." It's my choice to judge all -- except #3 -- as reflecting a person I can't relate to and wouldn't like to get to know.

womandatory · 2023-09-09T03:34:40+00:00

All of those are problematic except 3. Want to know why? Because she’s actually making that choice for herself, not some swamp-assed man.

Title	CMV: What goes on in the bedrooms of consenting adults should be none of your business
Author	Napo_De_Leone
Upvotes	34
Comments	169
Date	September 8, 2023 12:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16d926j/cmv_what_goes_on_in_the_bedrooms_of_consenting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-what-goes-on-in-the-bedrooms-of-consenting.1231323 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231323

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