Light "creepy behavior" can be flirtatious and playful if she personally finds you attractive

Zabadoodude · 2023-11-30T17:18:02+00:00

If she's attracted to you it's hard to fuck up flirting. If she isn't, it's impossible to do it right. The best strategy is to assume she's attracted to you until proven otherwise. If you're right: great. If not: she wasn't into you anyway so it doesn't matter if she thinks you're also creepy now.

Obviously don't go overboard and harrass women, but too many guys are so worried about seeming creepy, that they won't flirt at all.

Kosilica457 · 2023-11-30T15:33:47+00:00

If a woman finds a guy attractive, he basically has as much leverage as he wants. I mean why do women end up in abusive rekationships so often? It's because the guy is hot.

Why do ugly guys get labeled as creeps and disgusting when following advice from hot men? Because hot men get a pass. Because flirting is inherently creepy if the woman doesn't find the man attractive.

If you are unwanted company for a woman, anything you do will be interpreted in the worst way possible.

zoxzoxzo · 2023-11-30T16:17:55+00:00

Nothing new really. Hot people often get a free pass when they fuck up and that's a pretty privilege for ya

Wattehfok · 2023-11-30T22:52:33+00:00

Yes.

OMFG some of you people act like you’ve never met a human before.

Same_Comfortable_821 · 2023-11-30T17:19:10+00:00

There is a funny Tra Rags skit about how life is different when ugly. An innocent dance at a party turns into him being fully ostracized.

CrucialMilkHotel · 2023-12-01T05:22:51+00:00

It's not that hot guys can never do anything that a woman may deem creepy. They just have far more leeway. Stated differently, if a hot guy behaves in such a way that a woman (who thinks he's hot) decides is creepy to her, an ugly guy behaving the same way will definitely be deemed creepy as well by that woman. But conversely, there are many behaviors that a given woman will deem creepy when done buy a guy she thinks is ugly but not creepy if done by a guy she finds attractive; often she will even find that same behavior to be cute and successful in drawing her positive attention.

None of this is surprising. Pretty privilege exists both for men and women (guys often let attractive women get away with murder). But the point is, there is not a consistent standard for what behavior is considered creepy (except for extremes). I think OP's point isn't (only) to rail against the injustice of what attractive people get away with, but rather to remember that what's considered creepy is subjective and contextual, and how a given person reacts to your "lightly creepy" flirtation does not always follow what Reddit would have you believe. There are no guarantees in either direction. It is folly to expect certainty or consistency of outcome.

wonka___vision · 2023-11-30T21:09:28+00:00

I have a co-worker who is a pussy magnet. He has laid so much pipe that his crabs have herpes.

He generally will approach a women and immediately degrade her. He will say things to her such as "your outfit looks like shit", "you wear too much makeup", etc. This works for him because women find him attractive. They just giggle and ask for more.

Can you imaging an overweight bald man with buck teeth saying the exact same thing? The police would be called immediately.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-11-30T15:24:27+00:00

Being able to tell when an interaction is welcomed or not is the difference between creepy or not creepy.

This distinction happens because if someone insists on interacting with you even if it’s uncomfortable for you, it suggests they don’t or can’t care if you’re uncomfortable. People who aren’t careful about avoiding these sorts of behavior are people who end up getting stalked and assaulted and murdered.

Fun_Push7168 · 2023-11-30T17:03:39+00:00

Of course, everything we do to indicate interest would be creepy if it was unwelcome.

It only stands to reason that if someone finds you attractive then your indicators of interest won't be unwelcome.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2023-12-01T01:04:13+00:00

Well no shit, it stops being creepy behavior and just becomes regular flirting if the girl's into it. Creepy behavior is creepy because it disregards the girl's actual feelings in favor of advancing one's own agenda

IthrowAwayYourAdvice · 2023-11-30T22:40:09+00:00

Only thing that matter is face followed by height, you could have locked her in your car and she would still giggle, meanwhile an ugly man just looking at her for 5 seconds too long is sexual harassment

Complete_Water846 · 2023-11-30T17:00:53+00:00

A lot of behaviour that receives some kind of internet “label” is actually relatively normal when adjusting for the subtleties of the real world.

An example (not the best, but one I can think of now) is “No always means NO”. In the real world, a girl might teasingly tell a guy “no” whilst clearly indicating via body language that she wishes him to continue; this kind of nuance is often lost on the internet

8won6 · 2023-11-30T20:35:35+00:00

if you're attractive just walk into the room. you don't have to act a certain way.

MyHouseOnMars- · 2023-11-30T17:31:00+00:00

you made a JOKE you didn't act creepy

a JOKE shows social skills. Creepy people don't know the difference.

lacuti3 · 2023-11-30T15:39:17+00:00

I cringed reading this

KayRay1994 · 2023-11-30T16:51:16+00:00

you don’t say - “creepy” as a whole is a subjective term, there are some universally agreed upon lines where most people can’t get away with stuff, but the grey stuff in the middle literally depends on how attracted the person is to you. I mean, think of the amount of times guys accept intrusive behavior from women because they’re attracted to them, but soon as a woman they find ugly does the same thing, the woman is at fault.

jonabay4 · 2023-12-01T03:02:52+00:00

Woman here - if I accepted or asked for a ride home from a man, I would think that would convey to him that we had a trusting relationship. And it wouldn't even cross my mind that someone new now knew where I lived

If he then made a comment about now knowing where I live, and used the word Stalker, I would definitely be taking mental note on that.

MistyMaisel · 2023-11-30T17:17:06+00:00

I'm gonna help you out here with a really obvious observation: No stalker thinks they're a stalker. And no future stalker says, "I know where you live now, you just gained a stalker haha". This wasn't creepy. It may have been awkward, but not creepy. And lots of flirting is awkward, honestly, some of the best flirting is awkward (clearly, since it worked).

We wouldn't look embarrassed and laugh it off if we found you creepy. We may nervously laugh it off so we could run, but embarrassment wouldn't be on that list.

Sadsad0088 · 2023-12-01T04:44:59+00:00

It’s the opposite, if she’s not enjoying flirtatious playful behaviour and a man doesn’t stop it’s “creepy”

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-01T00:33:34+00:00

I don’t think most women would have reacted that way. I guess it depends on if you know someone really, really well beforehand. But in general, that would most likely freak out a lot of women if you aren‘t already very close with a particular person.

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2023-11-30T20:53:46+00:00

It's a difference if say this as a" joke", to someone who already knows you for a longer time, probably already learned that you are a "normal guy", and just did her a favour?

Vs. you hardly know her, and she doesn't even know if she wants to see you again.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-11-30T19:16:33+00:00

congratulations. You have discovered the most basic fact of social interactions. Context matters.

Maybe she was already crushing on you. Maybe you have worked together long enough she trusts you're not a creep. Maybe she just decided that comment by itself, without you asking to come inside or whatever, was fine. Maybe she was just in a good mood for unrelated reasons.

Now for the second most basic fact of social interactions. Just because you don't know the context doesn't mean there isn't any. Also, whatever you assume the context to be can easily be wrong.

Go forth and prosper.

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AceOfSpadesGymBro2 · 2023-11-30T17:50:37+00:00

I thought that was going to be a story about a guy finding his balls, but what was I thinking. This is PPD after all.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2023-11-30T23:53:13+00:00

Yeah creepy only depends on how the person is perceived, if someone knows you and has established a non-creepy baseline, the one off creepy comment isn't going to alarm them and may be interpreted as it was, a silly joke.

If the person doesn't know you however it is still a possibility in their head that you may actually be a creep and no amount of actions can put them at ease at that point, actually you can still come back but it requires them to get to know you which they probably won't want to do anymore unless they're forced to work with you or if you share friends

H_T1998 · 2023-12-01T01:34:37+00:00

So true lol I say some absolutely wild shit to women and they call it funny and charismatic

masterlaster1199 · 2023-12-01T02:03:32+00:00

Anything can be flirtatious and playful if she personally finds you attractive. Otherwise you will constantly find yourself walking on egg shells and be strongly conflicted even when saying hi to a woman.

BeneficialTop5136 · 2023-12-01T03:16:43+00:00

Well, yeah.

TrappedInThisWorld_ · 2023-12-01T08:09:45+00:00

Yeah I see you figured it out, if you were ugly you would have triggered an anxiety response and the next day you would have had a meeting with HR telling you to pack your shit and gtfo

apresonly · 2023-12-01T19:08:35+00:00

dating advice for men is literally "coerce her bro" and then men act like they've never heard of a man being coercive in their lives

omelettekingg · 2023-12-01T22:13:17+00:00

Yes, this is literally how attraction works. It’s no different than the discomfort most heterosexual men would feel about openly gay men making advances at them. If an openly gay man made a flirtatious comment and reached for your arm, you wouldn’t be jumping for joy. An attractive young woman on the other hand? Bingo, you’ve got it, the most basic and straight forward concept to understand that heterosexual men think they’re always discovering themselves for the first time. Brilliant, a modern day Socrates.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-12-02T04:39:26+00:00

You probably did the right thing by bumbling on the response actually. Now she feels hot and thinks you're cute.

Its good to be aggressive some of the time but not every time

Title	Light "creepy behavior" can be flirtatious and playful if she personally finds you attractive
Author	Napo_De_Leone
Upvotes	97
Comments	129
Date	November 30, 2023 3:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/187ktw3/light_creepy_behavior_can_be_flirtatious_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/light-creepy-behavior-can-be-flirtatious-and.1239707 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239707

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