My goal is to have my first date by the time I'm 40.

Substantial_Smell_72 · 2021-10-30T17:14:26+00:00

I thought you were closer 40 because of the title. I have heard a few stories of men 30+ who met someone and got married. So to the guys who are older, don’t give up hope.

At 24 I was 300 pounds, friendless, kissless and obviously a virgin. I’m 29 now and I’m basically a completely different person. Got in shape, got a few girlfriends over the years and picked up skateboarding. I still have some issues being confident around a girl I’m really attracted too but it’s all just part of the learning process.

The best advice I can give to not wait any longer. Time flys by and you can’t get it back. Desensitize your now and talk to all everyone girls and guy. Girls your attracted to and the one your not. Get familiar with talking to people without the expectation of a particular outcome.

LandscapeClear1630 · 2021-10-30T13:49:32+00:00

approach like a mofo

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-10-30T15:55:11+00:00

Get in great shape, work on your style, wear clothes that fit well, try online dating just for the sake of practice; read Models, 3% Man, my posts. Talk to strangers when out and about, not just women

_Ive_seen_things_ · 2021-10-30T19:12:59+00:00

Ight man imma be straight with you. Look at your post history. You’ve made 100+ posts asking people to get laid. They are carbon copied into different subreddits.

You are focusing 100% of your time on women. It’s not healthy, nor will it get you any results you want. I really want you to listen here - stop making women the absolute centre of your life and honestly take a break for awhile. Join a club, volunteer, workout, and focus on other things.

I know you don’t want to be a 40 year old virgin, but with your current behaviour it’s not helping. Seriously. Take some time off, develop some other areas of your life and do some reflection. I am sure you are a lovely dude, but being this obsessed is not healthy for you and won’t lead to positive interactions with women.

Wish you all the best bro. It’ll happen, just don’t make this the centre of your life.

Btw nice dick.

deaxyslow · 2021-10-30T15:53:01+00:00

Dude you’re saying no to every piece of advise. You just want want your beliefs that you can’t get girls to be validated

benryl · 2021-10-30T15:11:41+00:00

age?

draconic_leo · 2021-10-30T17:22:55+00:00

It's all in the way you approach the woman. Talk as if it's a natural conversation with someone you have known for years.

Work is a great place to practice conversation with women, I met my Fiancè working at the bank.

Try talking to girls at the gym if you work out, just don't come across like you are expecting a date or sex out of them.

You could also try making the first approach instead of waiting on a woman to talk to you. If you have any female friends see what they like and ask for advice. Nothing better than a woman's advice but most importantly be yourself.

Be comfortable, there isn't a divine trick to girls and be confident but not narcissistic.

If all of that doesn't work for you then read a wonderful book called, The Game by Neil Strauss

2021-10-30T21:12:12+00:00

Read Corey Wayne’s book How To Be A 3% Man

drekoho · 2021-10-30T14:24:58+00:00

Do you happen to be on the spectrum?

MisterSisterFister12 · 2021-10-30T14:40:39+00:00

Dude, you need to make sure your life doesnt revolve around girls. That's why youre not getting any

Blaphrodite · 2021-10-30T16:22:10+00:00

Well, we have to start with: what are you working with? Where do you live? Are you willing and able to treat the lady on the first date? Just basics. Getting a date is easy, now the relationship part. That’s the tricky part

VDKay · 2021-10-30T17:37:12+00:00

The only real advice here is to simply get more "sexual". You seem to have your life in order alright, good for you. But your lack of affection is probably due to repressed sexuality. Use your friends and hobbies to meet new girls and approach them (sexually I mean). Flirt with them, tease them, tell them they are pretty, ask them out, etc. No more platonic friends or waiting to "feel comfortable" around girls first. Be confident and direct. If she does not like you, go to the next one.

2021-10-30T18:49:52+00:00

Reddit in a nutshell

Twobithatter · 2021-10-30T21:09:32+00:00

Once you go on a couple of dates you realize how much time and money actually go into them and then get over it real quick.

Kyochaos · 2021-10-31T03:09:49+00:00

You've got to set your mind on the process of getting a date. It's high likely that you don't have a likeable personality, don't seem interesting at first glance and take things too seriously.

You've got to sit down and learn what it is that has made you fail up until now, you dont get success with girls just by wanting it, you've got to get into this certain state of being that the world will facilitate it for you when it comes to socializing and being attractive.

Learn game, learn to behave like a likeable human being, don't change who you are, become better, learn to talk, to notice social queues and mood settings, then, maybe you'll get a date.

You could also use Tinder and try your luck on that, doubt you'll do well at first but when you're there, it gets easier.

I've been where you are when I was 20, its a harsh process but a highly satisfying one.

Also try moving, it'll open up a lot of windows to you.

rando62727 · 2021-10-30T17:42:32+00:00

Just go out and peacock like a mofo go to a bar dance like crazy make a fool of yourself and you’ll get approached

prtkjnn · 2021-10-30T14:56:22+00:00

Chase goals not girls. Every other fucking thing follows :)

BON3SMcCOY · 2021-10-30T14:53:55+00:00

r/listredditors

lunaokazul · 2021-10-30T16:27:38+00:00

Just keep working on yourself and you’ll meet someone eventually. You might even meet her in a place that’s related to your hobbies or work and it’d be easier for you to connect

You can also go to bars and clubs and hit on any attractive girl you see. Some will reject you (which in this case just be respectful and excuse yourself, don’t push it) some will give you your number. You might feel like hitting on many women is a lot but you don’t have to text everyone, it’s mainly for practice and to gain confidence and who knows you might find someone you really like

Point here, don’t stress, you’re only 24, just keep living your life and things will happen :)

narwaffles · 2021-10-30T16:50:21+00:00

How haven't you kissed a girl? Sounds like you probably look pretty strong if you work out and play football and if you have a lot of friends I assume you are around a decent amount and can talk to people. It sounds like you're doing everything right to me. Not trying to criticize or anything, you're already doing much better than me I just don't understand and it is kind of demotivating that I could do all that stuff and still not get girls

medicineandsports · 2021-10-30T17:53:12+00:00

Just want to say that I believe in you OP

the-me-an · 2021-10-30T21:05:24+00:00

I recently heard a good advice. Don't do it for the girls, or the kisses or the sex. That's ultimately icing on the cake, but not the cake itself. What you really want in the end, is the confidence and therefore the freedom to go out there and talk to anyone you want and not be affected anyhow by the outcome. With the right amount of confidence, it's rare that people actually reject you or walk away from you, but the best part is that you will not mind if they do it. This is about self love, but that like the big picture objective. When you go out there and try interacting with people, focus on your real goal; to gain experience. Failure is experience too. Pain and suffering is experience too. You gotta be willing to go through that because those are the greatest teachers of life. Don't bullshit yourself into thinking that you'll go out there and everything will be easy. Life is not sugar and rainbows like that. If you do, you'll quit right away. And whenever you feel like shit and like the world is an awful place where no one loves you, remember: you love yourself. You are doing this for yourself, and that is reason enough. If you stay at it, you'll thrive, eventually. This is how life works.

Condor-man3000 · 2021-10-30T21:11:44+00:00

Looking at the comments you have provided I will suggest this: You will need to fundamentally change something about yourself if you want to change the outcome you have been receiving. You cannot keep living your life in this same manner that you have been and expect a different result. It's not about just being better at something...you need to change and it all starts in your head. We are all the results of our habits. Start by developing a routine in the morning of reminding yourself of the new habits you are looking to create. It's not easy at all and something I continue to struggle with.

Jimsntcrz · 2021-10-31T01:19:01+00:00

Tequila, Tequila works every time !

dragonn__ · 2021-10-30T13:17:31+00:00

If i am assuming u dont have a job then get a job... and play this game with this same mindset...best of luck

no_not_this · 2021-10-31T01:05:22+00:00

You’re post history is pathetic.

2021-10-30T17:48:57+00:00

No offense but people in these situations should be focused on other areas of life like working out or making money or meditation. I guarantee if you hit the gym hard for a year and meditate 20 minutes a day you will have the confidence and literally transform your body to be able to do anything

Reaver_ · 2021-10-30T18:04:43+00:00

This is what this post is: You asking for advice, people giving you advice, and then you coming up with an excuse for literally everything. How about starting with fixing your attitude? You're 24 and haven't even kissed a girl yet, I'd put money on it being from a lack of social intelligence.

You need to learn how to read the room and understand how the vibe you give off makes other people feel. Take advantage of the wide circle of friends you have and talk to them about yourself, about your individual relationships with those friends and how they feel about you to gain some perspective.

ProductivityMonster · 2021-10-30T22:48:17+00:00

Damn dude, low expectations. You could probably go ask some relatively unattractive woman out and have one in a week lol. Women's entitlement tends to go down after they age out of their prime attraction years (18-35).

Alive-Doughnut2345 · 2021-10-30T19:10:31+00:00

Good luck to you and all, but getting a date is not the hardest part. The hardest part is getting a second date. Then a third and so on.

theshadow1953 · 2021-10-31T03:28:38+00:00

In case none of these morons below have noticed, we still happen to be smack dab in the middle of a world wide pandemic. Anyone who's looking to date at this juncture, even if vaccinated, has to be out of their cotton picking mind.

It's not enough that any girl you meet may have

1.Herpes or

2.Any of a host of STDs which are often asymptomatic in Women, but also

Asymptomatic Covid-19 or the new Delta + strain.

You'd be a hundred times better off finding a really good therapist and find out what issues you have that have kept you away from women and vice a versa for all this time. For instance: You state

"I'm going to start believing that I'm attractive ..." that's irrational thinking right there. Beauty, like IQ or Height or Weight is, within limits, a rather objective standard based NOT on culture as some would have you believe, but on purely scientific, medical, bodily and factual symmetry that is absolutely measurable. I have sat in a doctor's office and read book after medical book of boring geometric equations and realized that, like it or not, unfortunately if

Your nose is too big, you're balding, your ears jut out, you have bulging eyes, etc, (and yes, I know what it's like to have at least 2 of these), then all the affirmations in the world aren't going to help. And yes, I've had plastic surgery and it makes a TREMENDOUS difference not only in how you see yourself, but more importantly, how women view you, because as you probably already know, many women are almost as attracted to Men's looks as Men are attracted to Women's looks.

Most importantly, if a woman isn't attracted to you, then you'll never get a chance to show her what an interesting person you are, and it'll be ten times harder to meet her and hold her attention.

You have to be willing to change what needs to be changed.

To Do The Work.

If you're actually objectively decent looking and say, at least a Male 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10, then continue your hobbies, but you might want to take a couple of sessions with a really good therapist, and demand that they administer the 2 day standard Personality and IQ testing. This way, when finished, you will have an Objective series of standards to put a mirror to yourself and see what your strengths and more importantly, weaknesses are, because somewhere in there, you will get some answers and if the psychologist (who can be different from the tester) is really good, then they can save you a tremendous amount of time. I wouldn't recommend if I hadn't done it myself when I found myself at a crossroads. That feedback alone can save you months and even years of wasting your time spinning your wheels and let you play towards your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses. I know it certainly did for me.

Far too many people take the advice of utter strangers on online forums, and for all you know, you may be taking advice from a 13 year old.

(And no, I'll never see 13, 23, 33, or even 43 etc ever again).

Take this Covid downtime to improve what you can about yourself and instead of looking for the right woman, be the right man, the type of man that a woman would want to be around and date because you're so funny, clever, interesting, talented, etc, and then women will be attracted to you.

Before I used to go out I'd always read Time or Newsweek cover to cover, just in case I met a woman who was into say, politics. But I also would read my local paper in case she lived in the area and was interested in local news. I'm terrible at remembering jokes so I bought a couple of paperbacks and read them and memorized a couple of clean story jokes, ones that made me laugh out loud, and which I could openly tell in a mixed crowd because women like guys who can make them laugh and have a sense of humor.

Btw, I know one dating coach who recommends reading a few popular women's magazines like Cosmopolitan because IF the topic comes up, you'll be able to hold your own on a subject of interest to her which most guys would have no inkling of.

You just want to do what needs doing, and put in the extra effort, because honestly, most guys don't. Far too many "successful" guys are simply 'players' or player wannabes and they think their money or looks are all they need, and they are, at least initially to attract some indiscriminating shallow women, but not to be able to hold on to them for any length of time.

So if you can do some of the above, when this freaking pandemic is eventually in the rear view mirror, you'll have an enormous set of skills and insights into not just yourself, but hopefully the type of woman you want to meet. Also, a working knowledge of Relational Psychology can be a huge asset because it'll help you identify and avoid the crazies, the gold diggers, the neurotics, the needy, etc, and let you spend more time honing in on the type of woman you'd actually like to be with.

Hope some of this helps. Best of luck!

- - - - Dave Johnson

p.s. i know it's old news at this point but i'd still read Neil Strauss's book, as it's the best ever written on the topic as well as the original "How to pick-up girls" by Eric Weber, he is cited at the end of neil's book as he is the grandfather of the whole modern pua movement. his book even if dated now, was the first of it's kind and has solid advice. if you can find his live lecture somewhere (probably on cassette) it's even better than his book. he is an excellent speaker, even better in some ways than neil strauss (though strauss is a better writer). even though I think most of them are phonies, there are a few pua coaches out there who have some decent advice and insight.

chenin_blanc · 2021-10-31T03:36:28+00:00

Where do you livvveee? And why are you single? I'd totally like to take you on a date. I like smart men (I'm F24)

Baal-Hadad · 2021-10-30T15:12:56+00:00

Leave the western country that you're in. I can't stress enough how much easier dating will be for you if you leave. You can always come back once you've gained some confidence.

wiseducklings · 2021-10-30T17:07:49+00:00

Post more on social media. If you are indeed average looking and you're not just doubting yourself, then make your personality get you some attention. Think about what you have to offer in a relationship. It's a huge flex that you're satisfied with with your personal goals at 24 but you also have to advertise what makes you a potentially good partner. You could ask your friends what they like about you and you could get involved in more activities that involve meeting girls.

baddog992 · 2021-10-30T18:57:12+00:00

Let your friends know your looking. Try dating apps. Try apps like bumble that are for getting groups of guys and girls together for events.

cormacru999 · 2021-10-31T01:00:16+00:00

I don't know how old you are, but my suggestion, which makes other men angry with me, is to avoid listening to what other men suggest, especially the so called experts, & pay attention to what women say they are looking for & more importantly, what experiences they've had with men that they hated. Its very easy to figure that out by following women who speak about it publicly, which many do, there are articles, essays, twitter threads & reddit threads.

But really its a matter of joining some dating sites & putting yourself out there, being friendly, showing interest in them instead of talking about yourself, paying attention to details, getting gifts based on those details, being able to listen & respecting women as people, as human beings & not objects to make you feel good in a variety of ways.

MentalCelOmega · 2021-10-30T16:52:18+00:00

Its over for you bro.

2021-10-30T14:31:40+00:00

Don't be afraid to approach a girl if you think she'll be interested. Become an alpha male and it'll all be clear.

Thierr · 2021-10-30T15:21:11+00:00

Sounds like you have everything going for you to succeed.

at 40 i do think you could really benefit from real life coaching, its definitely a shortcut

alphaonthecomeup · 2021-10-30T15:53:15+00:00

Yeah homie, definitely leave your country for a bit and go see what girls are like elsewhere.

Just to boost the confidence a bit. Experience is important

mphogen · 2021-10-30T16:07:44+00:00

To be honest, even if you play chess and football and have lots of hobbies, they do nothing. You have to approach, that's it. Just because you have hobbies doesn't mean that you'll magically attract girls, you have to get out there and actually talk to some.

2021-10-30T17:12:47+00:00

NOW THIS IS MOTIVATION, LETS GOOO

C3Gainz · 2021-10-30T17:13:40+00:00

Work on yourself but like actually do it for you. If you see a woman talk to them even if they look bad build that confidence. It’s not that hard my guy you just can’t be afraid

Chabubu · 2021-10-30T17:57:35+00:00

Don’t just believe it. Become it. Attractiveness is not just looks. It’s hygiene, fitness, clothing/dress and personality. Your drive, goals, ambitions add attractiveness even if your face doesn’t look like a model.

You can immediately increase your attractiveness with those changes.

Condor-man3000 · 2021-10-30T20:38:05+00:00

I realized how little time and effort I put into presenting myself well to others. I didn't and you may not realize this, but people think a lot about their hair, clothes, assessors. Turns out the people who spend more time thinking about this stuff tend to look better. My advice for you: Pay attention and put some thought and money into how you present yourself to others. Look in the mirror fully clothed and make sure you look in good order. Getting a modern haircut can really help also. Honestly feeling like you are looking your best is a great start to those type of doors being open.

The best thing you can do now that you have a goal is to put weekly monthly goals in place to get you there. Give yourself deadlines.

Ok-Investigator4333 · 2021-10-30T20:50:34+00:00

Good luck bro, we in the same boat together.

drewcer · 2021-10-30T21:17:52+00:00

Besides approaching, and getting out there, and talking to women... work to understand the psychology behind female attraction and also how to build comfort.

It's attraction + comfort. That's really what you can boil it all down to. Then everything else is logistics really.

Also idk if you need to hear this but just in case you do, have good hygiene.

thishumandude · 2021-10-30T22:09:19+00:00

I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with dating... but what's your chess elo

MinnestoanPerson · 2021-10-30T23:05:09+00:00

Well how old are you?

TomerRZN · 2021-10-30T23:48:26+00:00

Me and a friend have a game where each one of us have to approach a woman at least once a day even if he gets rejected. Ever since we started playing I got rejected many times, but my self esteem is growing by the day and I even received a few phone numbers. Michael Jordan once said a relevant quote - You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

executerapidly · 2021-10-31T01:26:20+00:00

Don't ever say "rock her world", she is essentially a fuck toy to be used, and she likes it that way, trust me. Don't worry about working out to much unless you're really fat, women don't care, that's called Gymcel and can get results but is likely going to let you down as I've seen time and time again. stop with the football, its a grab ass circle jerk for dude, minus the cheer leaders, what's the point. Chess is cool, keep it up and learn how to check mate these hoes IRL. Start approaching most women and don't be friendly, be dangerous, be willing to crash and burn right then and there, leave it all on the field. good luck

jjwondor · 2021-10-31T01:36:50+00:00

Just start by saying hi to people and smiling (when you’re outside and don’t need masks or something)

Goulronk · 2021-10-31T02:41:44+00:00

I'm in the same boat expect I'm not a very good looking guy myself.

I'm 29 and never had the opportunity to ever do anything romantic with a woman before.

My goal was to date or kiss before 30, but here I am and I've failed unfortunately.

smd198918 · 2021-10-31T03:47:29+00:00

Question: why are you giving yourself to 40 to have a first date?

LolaBijou · 2021-10-31T05:15:45+00:00

Women don’t play football , and very few play chess. Get new hobbies that women also enjoy.

(Just remembered you’re British; your football is different. But still, find more woman-friendly hobbies)

bigpizza87 · 2021-10-31T06:42:22+00:00

You’re 24, not 40. You’ve posted this several times and it’s misleading.

Spacemage · 2021-10-31T06:47:14+00:00

Other people have said it, but I'm going to say it as well.

Get in shape. Even if you're not a fat slob, or a scrawny dude. You can still get into better shape.

I was not in bad shape in general, but definitely hadn't been to the gym with real consistency in over six years due to college. I was out of shape for sure, and my weight fluctuated between people telling me I look skinny to my own limit of "looking down and can't easily see my dick."

Started going to the gym five days a week, and one to two extra cardio days a week as well. Been doing that since 5/1 and I can absolutely tell the difference in how women treat ME. I don't act any different - I'm a weird person, and I just lean into that more now and am open about it. Being in shape is absolutely the door opener.

Granted, I'm aware 5-7 days of gym time is a lot. I also had significant experience prior, so it's easiee said than done. But at the end of the day it's still easy, you just literally have to do it and push yourself.

Jacob_961 · 2021-10-31T07:00:57+00:00

Why first date by 40? You should be tearing it out now. Whoever you find attractive. Say hi and ask for a date. It's really that simple bro. Not all will be up for it but many will. The mistake in this community is that you want a full proof plan and any rejection is taken seriously. Don't try to be attractive or play games, it will burn you out. Just say hi and take it from there. Women are desperately looking for guys but you need to make it easier for them. Fucking is not a success. It is a gift you give to the girl, not the other way around. Who moans more and goes crazy while fucking? Women do, not men. All women want that and if you are able to make it happen for them, they will be forever attached to you so stop viewing "getting laid" a success, it is really a gift you give to the girl and any one who does not want what you are offering can go fuck themselves, simple as that.

LastForkOnTheLeft · 2021-10-31T09:54:41+00:00

After looking at your post history, You’re kind of screwing yourself over.

spicy_simba · 2021-10-31T10:43:07+00:00

Step 0: don't obsess about this virginity thing

A lot of life is spent into obsessing about things for no reason,, that is waste of energy and bad mental health.

Step 1: tell your circle friends you are a virgin and looking forward to start dating, ask them for help

Step 2: get out, try new hobbies and join social events, introduce yourself and make new connections.

Step 3: from the connection that you created, ask the one you think is suited for you out for a date.

Step 4: repeat step 2 and 3, but keep enjoying life regardless, don't make this the focal point of life, it is not. Treat it as a cherry on the cake of your life

angk7466 · 2021-10-31T13:48:27+00:00

Don’t stress about finding a soulmate. That sends off vibes of desperation to women. Go out with friends have a fun time and just be aware of when opportunities come your way. Don’t be actively looking, just let yourself be open. By doing things you enjoy, you’ll meet like minded people - bonus. When you’re enjoying yourself and relaxed, you send out confident, positive vibes that are filled with your great personality. Women will notice. Best of luck

Unforsaken_Dick · 2021-10-31T17:21:56+00:00

Have fun with women and don't be desperate. Also, know what you want, you like a girl, go ask her out. She says no, move on.

ryanmc1989 · 2021-11-01T02:57:31+00:00

Keep working out, focus on your other hobbies… and I would say travel… I usually do better with women away from my hometown. Especially solo travel… not knowing anyone forces you to approach more, of course supplement with online, tinder etc

Burgs84 · 2021-11-01T09:13:12+00:00

It doesn’t work for everyone but online dating is a good start, even if it doesn’t work out it’ll get you more confident in talking to women. You can find a like minded lady, someone who shares your interests etc. The benefit to it is also that you do meet people that you may not typically meet for example: those who run in similar social or work settings. Speaking from experience the free to register sites aren’t always loaded with people looking for relationships but more casual interactions. The paid for membership sites tend to have the people who are looking for long term. Wishing you the best OP

Equivalent_Ad7389 · 2021-11-21T11:28:44+00:00

First thing. All that extra stuff to impress women isn't a big deal, it helps, but even guys with all that stuff fail miserably because their body language and confidence needs work.

Read "the secret language of attraction" by Matt Artisan. It's 5 bucks or send me your email and I'll send you the PDF. This book will tell you exactly what women subconsciously desire in a man, and how to tap into her animalistic language with your body language intent, and build confidence in yourself. It helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I learned how to approach women, get rejected, deal with tension. Been seeing a girl I cold approached in a grocery store for a few weeks now, and normally I would've thought she was out of my league. Now I have the mindset of "is she good enough for me".

All these extra hobbies might make you more appealing but that alone will not get you the girl you want. CONFIDENCE gets you the girl you want, and when you do it a completely masculine way, that allows her to slip into a completely feminine and submissive state which makes her feel SAFE and SECURE with you.

Remember a woman's number 1 priority is to be desired by a confident, sure, and grounded man which makes her feel safety and trust with him. The rest doesn't matter after that.

Sometimes you'll see average looking dudes with smoking hot girls. This is a reflection of his confidence level and his alpha male status, not a reflection of her.

LightAtEnd · 2021-12-22T17:50:38+00:00

This didn't age well

Title	My goal is to have my first date by the time I'm 40.
Author	Ploikblah
Upvotes	564
Comments	207
Date	October 30, 2021 12:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qj0nmx/my_goal_is_to_have_my_first_date_by_the_time_im_40/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-goal-is-to-have-my-first-date-by-the-time-im-40.1273277 https://theredarchive.com/post/1273277

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