I hate the fact that men have to play games with women to get them interested. It's so exhausting

recyclablebanthas · 2021-07-20T02:05:44+00:00

1

I cold text her and we talk for a bit

You left out how you met her. That's a pretty big piece here.

Did you meet in person or over an app? How exactly did you meet? Who opened who? And so on....
Did you know her before the texting? If so, for how long?
Leaving this much out does indicate some blind spots on your part as far as how it all works. There are things about the way you meet someone that set the tone for everything that follows. And yet you didn't think this important apparently.

2

I ask her out over the weekend. Says she's busy and stops replying - i move on

Couple notes:

It's unclear what you texted when you asked her out. This is important information to leave out.
Saying she's busy then is not a big deal. People can be busy but still interested.
The fact that she stopped replying after saying she was busy is not a big deal. You "moving on" when she only replied about the weekend, was perhaps taking it too far.

3

We meet at a laundromat nearby and she acts relatively friendly and "leaves the door open" - I think okay maybe

This is also leaving a ton out. Too vague.

How did you end up meeting at the laundromat? Pure chance?
In what way did she "act friendly" but only "relatively so?"
In what way did she "leave the door open?" In reference to what?

4

She does some weird stuff at a volunteer meeting so i think she's interested (touching my hand as well walk by her and asking why I'm not talking to her)

She asked why you weren't talking to her. Which indicated that you were not talking to her. Like giving her the silent treatment or something. Probably because you were jumping to conclusions about what was happening.
If she touched your hand, that indicates some level of interest. But the fact that you were not talking to her indicates that you were making things too complicated.

5

I text her every so often, say some goofy stuff and have some laughs and throw in some flirty banter ---> Trying to form a bit of a ground before asking her out again.

How long did you spend doing this "texting every so often?

Realize that you spent time building up your low confidence. It wasn't necessary to "form a bit of ground" before trying again.

If she was interested, she was signaling she was up for something way back at the volunteer meeting. And yet you still waited after that for weeks I guess.

6

Ask her to volunteer event. I'm being obviously flirty.

What did you actually say to her? She was already going to volunteer events anyway, wasn't she?

We make plans for a 1 on 1 the next day. She plays games and does shit tests almost all damn day.

What games was she playing?
What shit tests were there? What exactly did she do?

7

The fact that you've left out a ton of information even after you thought you were giving more information, indicates a HUGE blind spot in your awareness here.

The sad fact is that modern culture is not doing a good job of passing on basic social skills and awareness to young people.

This results in social interactions feeling like a game.

But they're not a game. You don't need to pretend to be uninterested. You were kind of doing that already and it didn't end well, did it? So it's strange that you'd conclude this is what you need to do.

The truth is that you apparently never developed the social awareness to navigate these situations. So it's going to be as clear as mud: like trying to understand an Italian movie when you don't understand Italian.

Pick26 · 2021-06-27T00:35:57+00:00

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nevertextgoodnight · 2021-06-27T03:14:50+00:00

This is not an insult...

You care way too much.

Again, I'm not just giving you shit.

I was/am the same. It comes through in your actions and words. You cannot hide your true self.

How am I getting through it? Getting played like you did over and over again until I learned and the change becomes internal and authentic.

Then you will encounter the next learning curve. You will become jaded and a bit of a dick to women and probably fuck things up that way too. Over correction.

And after more experiences, if you don't give up, you will start becoming your best version worthy of a beautiful side kick to your awesome life.

2021-06-27T01:01:16+00:00

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Shakur2c · 2021-06-27T00:37:28+00:00

Whut. You should have been straightforward instead of pretending you didn't like her. If you had been honest from the start you wouldn't have been so invested in her when she rejected you.

Your behaviour is indicative of someone who doesn't jave many options.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-06-27T07:53:41+00:00

I felt that way before. I still feel that way. Best advice is to match their energy. If they arwnt putting in any effort, leave them to whatever toxic ass mf is gonna play that bullshit with them.

And then move on and look for a woman that treats you with respect. One that ahows you appreciation and interest. Today I approached a woman who i was pretty sure was gonna shoot me down and eventually ahe took my number after tlking with me so long ahe forgot ahe had to go home to her cousin and help him pack. Ahe clearly ahowed interest and joked with me as qell as talked about a date and a relationship. Its eaay to forget sometimes but all y'all deaerve that much. Let these fickle bitches stay fickle. They sont wanna change. They dont wanna grow up. Reapect the females that respect you.

missterrcammeraa · 2021-06-27T00:43:34+00:00

The game is easy really. Don’t be tooo invested in her (that’s creepy guy or girl, have a life there are more important things in life than just “girls”), bitch playing games move on (if you don’t like “tricksters”) I don’t really know what else to say really just don’t listen to women. Listen to them but don’t take them too seriously because they barely know what they want and if you take them too serious that’ll stress you out man. If they say they don’t like you being too upfront stick with it, tell them that that’s who you are and they gotta take it or leave it.

The only thing you worry about when dealing with women is you, don’t worry about them be selfish and worry about you but don’t be dick. That’s all you have to do

shitmcshitposterface · 2021-06-27T10:31:50+00:00

DONT BE THE FRIEND FFS. As a guy you should have a circle to begin with and why would you want to be friends anyway. And like the great Patrice O’Neal once said: if you’re gonna be friends with her she better be a great fucking friend, Like you can call her to pick you up when you’re stranded. Not her calling you when a couch needs to be moved.

SoSneakyHaha · 2021-06-27T04:06:52+00:00

It would be so much better if we needed to put no effort in at all. sarcasm

Seriously it's the whole point, if you are exhausted from it maybe it's not for you, or alternatively, take a break and work on yourself. Ultimately you must be happy in yourself so you can then seek someone else. Otherwise anyone you do meet will either

A. Bore you after not too long.

B. Become bored of you after not too long.

Don't get me wrong I'm sure there are people out there that are great together, and the dating story that they have is one that is no games played. But the chase is all the fun, the banter, the discovery, the thrills and in my experience thus far all to no avail. I would not change any relationship or meeting I have had with the opposite sex because its built me to who I am today and through those, sometimes hard lessons forced me to change. Don't look at it as a game, look at it as a challenge, for you to better yourself so that your better for any person you meet in life because these experiences are ones of growth.

Try affirmations or prayer

Grow son Grow

34m, currently seeing one woman but still "single".

Edit grammar, spelling because I am retard and I own GME.

Dvzl · 2021-06-27T00:40:35+00:00

Well, you can learn from your experience. If someone you see as attractive asks you to be friends, you will have to be direct and end it there. That way, you do not waste your time, and you can move on.

In terms of the shittest, getting better at it takes time and experience.

armorm3 · 2021-06-27T15:55:41+00:00

"I just want to be friends"...

"I just want to get to know you first"

Whenever I hear that talk from women who are supposedly interested in dating, but can't prioritize dating you or making plans, it's a pass. You're right they just want to play games. Games like, "I will only date you when I know you need me more than I need you".

It's possessive emotional baggage bs they picked up in their past. Or from gossiping friends, whom they stop hanging out with the instant they start a relationship with a new partner.

adrazek_ · 2021-06-27T08:22:32+00:00

Girls who play mind games like that have their own issues they can't speak about I guess. There are women who wouldn't want to waste their time so they would prefer someone who's honest and be direct (with limitations) with regards to what they really feel. Cheer up mate! The right one will come

bernini_lfc · 2021-06-27T19:58:33+00:00

She just didn’t find you attractive for her and the „shit tests” were her pumping her ego by being a cunt. She was never into you. End of the story.

Famous_Durian · 2021-06-27T06:59:47+00:00

Being straightforward is the right thing to do. Dont beat around the bush, its a waste of time and you dont get anything out of it.

Never express or admit your feelings in words to a girl that you like, but rather sprinkle it in here and there by showing her through flirting, touching, teasing etc.

Show your intentions. Be like hey i like you, i find you interesting but i am not completely sold yet (= you are a bit of a challenge, she needs to keep investing and qualifying) so lets go have a few drinks. If you feel the same - awesome! If not, well thats life… call me if you change your mind (you wont chase as you have other options).

totalwpierdol · 2021-06-27T08:50:31+00:00

In my case being straightforward was literally the only strategy that worked. I lost my virginity after I started being straightforward.

realmtraveller · 2021-06-27T10:59:54+00:00

You don't have to play games. You can just meet women in a normal way. If they like you the it will be natural. If they are not 5hat attracted or not interested then they may make things difficult.

taramaxx · 2021-06-27T12:40:57+00:00

Women here will say you don't have to play games or pretend to be uninterested but that is just so not true.

Ughh I really dislike it when guys pretend to be uninterested. Do guys really do this to girls they want to date?? I'm so confused rn.

Sadik444Fillali · 2021-06-27T14:04:01+00:00

I think that she wasn't interested. But you will ask me why she kept showing you some unclear signs of interests, simply bc that made her feel good and told herself she is wanted by other guys, which makes her feel beautiful. But the guy that she is really interested in, she will not play with him the cat mouse game, she will be open to him and give him clear signs of interests. Accept this as a man, bc who knows maybe tomorrow a way more hot and beautiful girl will be open and interested in you.

marymoon77 · 2021-06-27T14:17:13+00:00

It’s not a game and you don’t have to play games. If someone is genuinely interested, they will let you know…

ark2k · 2021-06-27T15:13:06+00:00

The only card many women got is looks, so they try to get the most out of it. If she acts like an iPhone 12, there will always be fools that will pay that high price tag... But is it worth it? Because you know it's an overinflated/unrealistic price. Women are not a trophy, yet many act as if they were. There's no need for games, just invite them to truly get to know them as people, and you will know if she's truly interested or not. There are always exceptions but a mature woman won't waste your time.

renegade453 · 2021-06-27T15:51:19+00:00

Listen to me, i am 29 years old have quite seen a few things in my life. Women who require you to play games are not worth it. The only reason you have to lull them into lalaland is because they themselves really dont know what they want. Its like blindfolding a woman who expects to open her eyes again at disneyworld. I just recently met a girl and we have been dating now for several weeks. I was straight forward and it absolutely worked, because she is not with that BS and knows exactly what she wants.

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2021-06-27T19:01:18+00:00

I think this applies more to younger women, at least in the US. I've found that my direct approaches work better on women in their 30s and 40s

Ysfysfd · 2021-06-27T19:52:40+00:00

It depends on what YOUR personal goal is.

I have found that if you would like to sleep with a lot of girls playing games will significantly improve your overall chances and batting average. off course if the sex was good she'll probably stay (for a while). If that's what you want (or need) it's completely fine.

However a lot of dating "systems" usually build the dynamic of the relationship around the system, which for a lot of guys is (a little) off of their authentic self. It comes at the price of friction cause everything doesn't quite click like it's supposed to. This makes sustaining a meaningful relationship much harder(but not impossible). There's a chance you'll attract women that on a fundamental level don't really match with you or have different priorities in life.

My advice for anybody trying to land and keep an awesome girl is kinda cliche but be yourself. Now this advice comes with a big side note. You are trying to land an awesome girl so you need to be awesome yourself. How do you do that? Lead an interesting life, get interesting hobbies, workout, educate yourself, get a challenging job that you love or pays you real good(preferably both), go out and meet people, genuinely love the person you are (becoming).

If you yourself strive for excellence, your actions will (eventually) move from that space. Automatically making you more attractive and giving you better opportunities

haxor-007 · 2021-06-27T00:40:59+00:00

You will be amazed how that changes once you start working on yourself and stop chasing booty

BlueCollarSinner · 2021-06-27T07:44:48+00:00

The women that want to play games are the ones desperate for attention. You don't have to play games with them, let them play games with other guys. Don't get upset over a girl, do your own thing dude.

TheMailmanic · 2021-06-27T04:20:37+00:00

It gets easier with practice

Aristox · 2021-06-27T10:58:54+00:00

If you find yourself having to play games you're doing it wrong. If you got friendzoned then you're doing things wrong in how you cultivate your Masculinity and carry yourself. The fact you think you have to play games is part of what is making you fail

VDKay · 2021-06-27T11:24:16+00:00

I think you got it a bit wrong. Seduction is not about "pretending", nor it is "playing around" her games/shit-tests. It is about ways to enable you to decisively and clearly handle situations as a Man. You don't HAVE to play games. You don't HAVE to pretend about anything. Keep in mind 2 things:

Clearly express your interest and take the lead to any interaction. You are the man. You show that you like her, you ask her out, kiss her, etc. If she keeps playing games around you with your friends, etc. and gives you mixed signals, then it's either that you did not express your interest clearly, or that she is too immature to handle that. Either way, the decisive no-bullshit, no-games thing to do is to move on
Have a life where you don't have to pretend anything, but instead feel/express it by default. E.g. you don't really have to "pretend" you are "not upset" when she is hitting on your friend if you're talking to 4 other women at the same time.

hwillis891 · 2021-06-27T12:40:46+00:00

If the right one comes along games are unnecessary. You have to know that not every woman is going to like you. That’s just how it is. You’re not entitled to a women’s attention, but you can control finding a woman that will genuinely enjoy you and you enjoy her. The worst thing to do is to think that every woman should cater to your whims just because you have feelings for them.

Here’s what you need to do instead of thinking you have to play games. Be straight up. Feel the vibe. Are you guys vibing well? Does anything feel forced? Is she coming forward as much as you are? Do you feel desperate for her attention, or is it a mutual kinship? If not, move the fuck on until you find that person that’s your person.

It’s going to be uncomfortable, you aren’t going to be attractive to every woman, some will call you all kinds of things, but if you are honestly looking for a woman who you can love and make love to, and enjoy her company, you’ll go through it. Stop trying so hard to resist rejection and failure and embrace your flaws.

NewCommonSensei · 2021-06-27T14:18:11+00:00

With the right one you won’t have to play too many games if any at all 😀

SomeRedShirt · 2021-06-27T14:24:40+00:00

Maybe youre reading too much into nothing & she really isn't even slightly interested in you like that & her flirting with your friend is her way of showing you that

plushgremlin · 2021-06-27T14:59:29+00:00

She wasn’t interested, no amount of seduction changes that. This situation isn’t a reliable one for saying how future situations will work out because… she wasn’t interested. Most seduction helps you maximize small amounts of interest, but something out of nothing isn’t normal.

Side note — me as a person have 0% patience for games. I got drawn to this post off suggested. So my game-free portion of advice: I had a ton of lessons to learn when I started dating. Bold, confident in myself, direct tended to be +. Over-investing was a big -. Check out wiki for ‘limerence’ — you’re gonna feel stuff and you gotta get that under control. Tunneling on one person is bad unless you’re looking to wife it up. Understand yourself and what you want first.

TheGuyWhoLovesInk · 2021-06-27T15:04:34+00:00

I'll be 100% honest, the girls who you want to have a long-term true relationship with will never make you play games or respond to those games, it is the insecure and validation seeking girls who do that.

I know it's going to sound stupid, but be yourself, you'll eventually attract a high quality girl in that process. Being yourself doesn't mean be needy or clingy, it just means do what you feel is right, don't do something just because the internet said so.

However if you're looking for flings and short term deals, these tactics may work.

Billuman · 2021-06-27T15:45:20+00:00

That's work, that's fitness testing, that's why it's exhausting. But you will get better the more you fail and more experiences you get - positive and negative.

2021-06-27T15:46:05+00:00

It is not a game, man. Women look for genuine connections.

Men who like them just because they look good or are surface level nice come off as shallow.

Start looking for her actual virtues as a person and also acknowledging her flaws and maybe something real could happen.

We need to leave that "your princess is in another castle" bs behind and start vetting potential dating partners like you would someone for a job interview or an actual lifelong partnership.

Can you even name five qualities you like about her that aren't temporary or surface level?

Marilla1957 · 2021-06-27T16:03:00+00:00

Not all women that you are attracted to, will be attracted to you.... You simply need to recognize that, and move on the first time she rejects you. Far too often, the guy comes across as desperate. That's a huge turn off for 99% of women.

ZStealthMissile · 2021-06-27T16:25:01+00:00

Brahh, I’ll save you your life right now: run from chicks. Save yourself now

2021-06-27T17:14:45+00:00

TBH, a girl likes you with first few minutes of encounter. Trying to play games and convince them is a exhausting and less successful strategy. You can't play logic with feelings.

seventhirtytwopm · 2021-06-27T17:16:38+00:00

She must be genuinely uninterested in you. Which sucks, but not every person you like is going to feel the same way.

I’m a woman and I have definitely never wanted a man who I’m into to “act uninterested” in me. I do know that it’s common for people to play these games, I’m only saying this to give you hope that there are some straight-forward women out there.

However, I DO want men to act uninterested after a I’ve shown them/told them that I’m not into them. If someone tells you they don’t feel the same, and you keep flirting with them hoping you’ll change their mind or assuming they’re just playing a game, then I’d say you’re setting yourself up for failure. Sometimes when a woman says she’s not interested, it’s just that. She doesn’t want you to play a game with her and “convince” her, she just isn’t interested truthfully.

And if she IS playing a game, then her loss. Because she’s just pushing you and other men who like her away by asking for too much back-and-forth bullshit to “win her over.”

CustomAlpha · 2021-06-27T17:58:25+00:00

One thing I have recently come to a conclusion about for myself is that between the hormones and emotions of being around a woman you’re attracted to is that they aim for moral, emotional and/or psychological dominance. I have noticed this repeatedly in so many ways. It’s how they survive. The tricky part is... how well can you handle all that without losing your values, world views, and self worth.

I look at interactions with women more on a spiritual time line instead of an emotional one. Emotions come and go but we all move on spiritually. Some learn from their emotional experiences and some get beat down by them and might get stuck in a bad cycle. Which kinda sounds like where I’ve been and where you are. In the spiritual world... things are meant to happen a certain way to hopefully teach you something important about the world we live in. But, you don’t have to be condemned by it, if you can convince yourself that even blips of relationships come and go and you’re meant to learn and move on from “failures.”

CreditTypical3523 · 2021-06-27T18:12:43+00:00

Hi friend. I feel identified. That is why it is better to be direct and honest: they know when we like them. So the best thing is to put the two options from the beginning: 1) Or they reject us. ") Or they correspond to us. I recommend that you read David X
(Sorry for the bad English).

anzelian · 2021-06-27T20:02:26+00:00

This is my take on this. (Sorry if my english is bad)

Maybe you forced yourself to be liked rather than be a person you want to be?? Yes dating is a mental game and its quite exhausting thats why you should aim loving yourself and being with her is just a bonus. Not the otherway around.

i court women only if im comfortable being me aorund them. If im not, i wont. If the play the mind game, ill make sure give them the game they want it will never be somewhere ill fall head over heels.

zuckerbooger · 2021-06-27T20:28:58+00:00

No need to play games, the right woman for you won’t be playing them anyways. Sounds like this woman just wasn’t interested. I just came across this sub/post and tbh most of the comments are pretty gross and misogynistic. My advice? Get off this sub, I doubt most of these men have girlfriends or healthy relationships anyways. stop over complicating things, live your life and pursue your interests, the right woman will come along when you stop pitying yourself and playing weird games

GracieFairmont86 · 2021-06-27T21:14:22+00:00

You can't hate the players and you can't hate the game. Learn to love the game. It is a game because it is supposed to be FUN.

I picture it like basketball. I hated it because I sucked at it. The only way to enjoy it was to get good at it. I had to force myself to take shot after shot, and kept missing and missing and missing and kept hating it more.. then I got support and coaching and I eventually would start making baskets, and the more I scored the more I enjoyed the game.

The point is you don't got to go it alone. Your support group will help if you ask. Most people know how to play the game because getting women interested is the most natural thing their is, just some people got their instincts skewed by social programing. I know everybody around me never had any problems getting girlfriends or flings, so I asked them to set me right.

2021-06-27T21:21:05+00:00

Know how you feel buddy. Draining as fuck isn’t it. Go enjoy a cheeky coffee like Kermit and give less fucks, you’ll feel better

2021-06-27T22:23:08+00:00

I can't tell you how happy I am that this thread didn't get downvoted to hell. It's fucking exhausting

lifeisabitrough · 2021-06-28T00:26:01+00:00

Personally for me I had no game up until I randomly had a certain set of events happen that got me to end up together with my first gf. Because she was my first at the age of 21 I became too attached and she ended up leaving me for another man.

This motivated me to become the man she always wanted me to be and during that path I subconsciously started to behave in a more attractive way. I started to enjoy the art of seduction more and had more fun with it.

In the beginning it was absolutely awful I felt as if I was never going to get another woman in my life but, you take some Ls and you keep standing up and moving forward. Typing this right now I have six women in line and one scheduled for this week. I personally feel a mix of relief but, also sadness because I know that true love feeling is never gonna come back. But, as you mature you realize the love they show in movies is naive and immature.

I highly suggest taking a look at a particular youtuber's take on love. His name is actualized.org

2021-07-02T04:17:01+00:00

I know it sounds crazy, being fast with asking a girl out and making your intention known very quickly while at the same time acting like you don't care if she says yes or no or flakes or whatever is the secret sauce.

Act fast, with intent, and don't care. Don't let her guess anything. Shove your cards in her face, not caring if you win or lose the hand.

One of my favorite posters on an old game forum said his energy at his most confident is to steamroll her. She has no guessing, she has no control in the way the conversations and interactions go. You are making her react, and her reactions don't matter either way. When you interact with her it is your world, she is just passing through.

"Is she reacting to me? All pussy no problems. Am I reacting to her? No pussy all problems."

loofyd · 2021-07-04T19:13:52+00:00

Here's your mistake - you should have asked her out at after step 2 in your timeline ( called step 2.5 ? )

If she postponed, rejected or made excuses then.. Well you know what to do then !

Hard Next

Better luck next girl !

TheSunshineMan · 2021-06-27T00:43:15+00:00

Chasing women if for chumps. If you’re living right, they come to you, and they’re better quality.

Medical_Slide8640 · 2021-06-27T11:01:56+00:00

Ok so the summery of this post:

OP: I liked a girl who wasn't interested in me. I am so tired of the fact that all the women I like don't like me back. It must be some sort of game because why wouldn't they reciprocate otherwise?
Everyone: Play games and don't let women know you like them.

Don't take women seriously.

Don't listen to women.

Women don't know what they want.

"Don't listen to the deer on how to hunt it" (wt actual f)

Maybe, just maybe, all women aren't always going to like every single guy back?

If you are a normal man, you are not always going to like every single woman that likes you.

Maybe OP and the rest of the people on here need to not be so entitled and full of self pity, then try to comfort themselves with really stupid toxic "advice" like above.

It is pathetic when a man pretends he doesn't like you when he does, and a turn off. Men who don't listen or think we don't know what we want get rejected.

This advice only works on broken women who should be in therapy, not dating.

OP, she didn't reject you because she knew you liked her. She just wasn't interested. You weren't her type. Why are men so weird about this?

And you are only telling yourselves these things to ease the weird disproportionate pain you feel when a women simply aren't interested. Maybe work on that?

No. All women aren't going to fall over themselves for you. It's not a video game where you must collect all the trophies or you don't get to the next level.

No woman would ever make a post saying "this guy I liked didn't like me back I'm so tired not all guys say yes to me".

My answer to the post:

No there is no game involved.

Why are people saying she played you? How exactly??? Her knowing you liked her isn't her playing a game. She just knew. And she wasn't interested. And there was noting she could do about it until you asked properly at which point she just said no thank you. What is wrong with that?? She just declined.

In fact our biggest problem as women is when men don't own it and make effort towards perusing us. When they follow this sort of advice. Especially attractive women who are used to attention and effort get very uninterested in men who follow the bs advice in the comments. This is where the friend zone phenomenon comes from. We realise you like us, you do nothing, we get turned of, forget about your feelings and boom.. Friendzone.

The one's you get through games are not healthy women and you won't have good lasting relationships. But is that the goal for men? No.

The games start becoming a tool when men want literally every single woman they like (mostly to just see if they can sleep with them) at which point it is no longer about the person but "women" as a thing. Some sort of validation tool for your self esteem. Normal woman sense this and are turned off by it. Broken women fall for it and the guy feels good about his "success rate" 🙄

You being tired because she didn't like you instead of moving on with a smile to someone who will like you, is what you need to be working on.

I might start a channel for dating advice for men. Yall are so lost.

br00kish · 2021-06-27T12:56:34+00:00

It sounds like she wasn’t interested in you. If a girl isn’t interested, it doesn’t matter if you’re straightforward or playing games. Either way, it’s not going to make her like you. Stop being salty about the fact that she didn’t reciprocate your feelings and go find someone who does.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-06-27T03:15:27+00:00

Wrong.

You should be straightforward but also be distant - because you've got options - you've got 20+ other girls you're trying to meet up with and you're outcome dependent.

EducationalAlps5148 · 2021-06-27T13:40:24+00:00

What they mean is: Play the game in a straightforward way. Just remember your childhood and play like that without expectation, just to enjoy.

Handle-me-timber · 2021-06-27T01:09:20+00:00

If she’s hitting on her friend, you kick her ass out. Put her in your friendzone, hangouts for sex only, nothing in public until she figures out how to act right.

Edit: If she’s not cool with that, that’s good for you too cause you aren’t investing any time or energy anymore.

ScreamingButtholes · 2021-06-27T06:07:30+00:00

Being straightforward is the way to go about it though. The problem us you cared too much about the rejection, it should be jf she rejects you then so what, onto the next she’s the one missing out.

Like you should not be investing this much energy into someone who blatantly disrespects you.

SoSneakyHaha · 2021-06-27T09:50:28+00:00

You are chasing the wrong women.

not_my_realname · 2021-06-27T11:47:49+00:00

Yes this game is superficial. Just like the interest you show in a girl you just met.

It is unfair to assume that women play games but your interest in shiny new things is genuine.

ScreamingButtholes · 2021-06-27T14:04:47+00:00

"Don't act like a high value man, become a high value man". That's your problem, you pretend and play these games, yea it'll be like that in the beginning. In order to become high value, you'll have to fake it till you make it in the beginning and progress and level up. Work on getting higher status, getting your financial state into 6 figures+, working out, getting your game on point and ect. Soon enough these games and pretending wont be those things but 2nd nature and instead of chasing you'll be attracting women, and sometimes even men LOL

2021-06-27T08:42:50+00:00

It’s not a game. It’s called getting to know each other and being considerate of others. If it feels like a game, it’s only because you are fooling yourself. Not saying this to trivialize your feelings, I really feel this is true. All the signs that she wasn’t romantically interested were likely there plain to be seen, but you played a game in which obvious signs were reinterpreted to mean something else.

null-byter · 2021-06-27T09:00:44+00:00

Yes it is. We are just like other animals where males have to provide, dance, sing, compete…etc to mate. Somehow this gives me peace.

WidhoSteph · 2021-06-27T10:10:24+00:00

I’m having a hard time empathizing with this one. It doesn’t seem you approached the situation authentically to begin with and now you’re upset that she wasn’t authentic with you?

Think of it more as strategy not gameplaying. Look at other species- Every male performs a mating dance in their own way to show off their desirable traits as a partner.

You kind of just showed her that you want to play games instead of moving on to someone who may respond better

mugatucrazypills · 2021-06-27T12:52:48+00:00

ITS BETTER THAN THAT. As the (upper)middle class and below. You're busting your ass and crying to us competing for the chance to knock a girl up so the state/society can order you to deliver all of your marginal goods and labor and more than you have to her under threat of imprisonment or violence, abuse, or brutal social sanction for the rest of your days. Or just control you till you break down and useful material can no longer be extracted from you. IN 2021 YOU WIN THIS GAME BY LOSING.

FewLeave4177 · 2021-06-27T00:36:48+00:00

I find that funny when women use filters fake hair make up and everything else to inhance there beauty just to get a guy

DrOXccontN · 2021-06-27T12:39:41+00:00

Yeah that’s how it goes bud... prostitution might have a bad name but it would make life so much easier for men if it was legal. As far as romance and relationships that stuff is pretty much dead... I more or less gave up on dating when when consensual sex became a possible time bomb, it’s a mad world out there guys and I don’t see any end in sight, stay safe...

watermelonspraycan · 2021-06-27T14:45:09+00:00

As a woman, this post baffles me. Why should she owe you her romantic attraction? "Shit tests"? It sounds like she just wasn't interested, and that she was interested in your friend. There are a million reasons a woman wouldn't be attracted to you, none of which mean you failed. Either a woman likes you that way or she doesn't, and no amount of convincing her will change that. There have been plenty of worthy men out there I haven't been interested in simply because they're not my type or, in one case, the guy had my dad's name, and it was too weird for me lol. Nothing he could do to help that, and there was nothing wrong with him, I just didn't feel that attraction.

If you put even half the effort you're currently spending on trying to get girls into becoming the best version of yourself, finding what interests you, what you're passionate about, etc., I think you'll be much better off. I've never been interested in a guy because he "won" my affection, pretended to be disinterested, etc. In fact, I tend to see such men as cruel and/or having psychological baggage I'm not interested in, both of which are a huge turn off. A guy with the confidence to be himself and be vulnerable/honest about his feelings for me? Now that's sexy.

bakedashellbitch · 2021-06-27T17:09:51+00:00

some advice from a woman:

it is all a numbers game. rejection always sucks and especially when there’s feelings involved. that being said you have to proceed with the knowledge that many women feel threatened by men because there’s a constant societal expectation places on women by men.

personally i dont like it when a man is “too interested” because i feel like there’s a huge expectation placed on me.

if you can, try to have many irons in the fire either with dating or your own personal life so that way it doesn’t hit as hard when it doesn’t work out in the initial courting stages.

best of luck ♥️

cadabra19 · 2021-06-27T08:35:37+00:00

What kind of added value does sharing complaints about how things are in the dating scene bring to this subreddit? Exactly none.

mugatucrazypills · 2021-06-27T12:56:00+00:00

Woman is a worthless fake anyways. Let her get her hooks into your friend. Hopefully, he uses her as a mattress and moves on before that.

nfrobb · 2021-06-27T15:17:40+00:00

Here’s the part that makes it so confusing to recognize the patterns: it’s different if the person is interested back or not.

If the “rule” is “don’t call for 3 days” and you call that night, it’s charming if they like you and off-putting if they don’t. It’s just that simple.

It’s not a game. You don’t have to worry so much about rules. Just be yourself and understand that some percentage of people will be into that and some percentage won’t be. And outside of basics like hygiene and basic humanity rules, that’s entirely out of your control.

Some people are going to want a suave flirter who plays seductive cat and mouse. If that’s not you, then don’t try to pretend to be someone you’re not. Focus on people who like you.

If someone reacts badly to your playing “the game” wrong, they were going to react badly to your playing it right as well. Just shake it off, understand that person wasn’t a match, and move on.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Dating REALLY sucks. But it is simple.

In this case, she knew you were interested, and she wasn’t. That’s ok and really says nothing about you. You weren’t going to say magic words and change that. It just wasn’t a match.

Good luck

Fufi44 · 2021-06-27T16:45:18+00:00

Please just stay single. Only sick people have the mentality that you do and I’m sick of hearing women being manipulated by idiot narcissistic men. Just leave women the fuck alone. There. Problem solved.

jmh90027 · 2021-06-27T10:15:03+00:00

Nobody owes you anything. Grow up

mr_Tobbor · 2021-06-27T09:21:53+00:00

Men aren't born to chase women, but to make wars. Leaders Fuck women and make genes eternal. Other men, if survive the war, provide and take care of childten and their mothers. They occasionally get laid their rent wives. So if you want to get laid, commit to a woman, one that has been ruined by leeder cock!

mugatucrazypills · 2021-06-27T12:56:55+00:00

YOU WILL DIE

katatatat11 · 2021-06-27T07:01:14+00:00

I feel like that changes over time. It was off putting to me when i was 22 when a guy was direct- now I’m 31 and I am also in a no-games, tell me straight space. I personally find a man who is clear about what he wants and is confident enough to express it really attractive.

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2021-06-27T08:07:26+00:00

Yeah... despite a lot of advice, don't play games with women. Say what you want from her to her. Straight forward and be honest about it. Even if it's socially not acceptable what you say. Let her figure it out if she wants the something with you. It will take away the possibility of her manipulating you and you have a created a 'not playing games' environment around you.

jacksh2t · 2021-06-27T09:19:01+00:00

I think the game is needed to sort out sub standard guys. Doesn’t always work but they’re trying.

Yokowi · 2021-06-27T09:24:01+00:00

It's only hard and difficult if you let it. That simple

Gouda_Gouda_gumdrops · 2021-06-27T11:18:09+00:00

You're going after the wrong people. I don't play games not do I wanted to be be tested cause that's an insane concept and thing to do to someone. This also means I haven't had a ton of partners, but I've dated about 8-9 people and currently live/have been with one of them for 4 years. There are people out there who will treat you like a normal human, you just gotta wait and hope to find them, but you are worth more than some woman using to satisfy her ego (and I say this as a woman who has done this).

muff_marauder · 2021-06-27T11:23:45+00:00

Being straightforward just doesn't work, at least not in my case.

The good news is that after awhile "straightforward" not only works -- it's mandatory.

The sucky part is you have to play the game long enough to get to that point.

2021-06-27T12:17:02+00:00

I can’t bother to play games. I just don’t have the heart to proactively be manipulative like that. That’s no dis to guys who do play the game, I just can’t personally.

Ironically the women im not that interested who I wish would leave me alone don’t stop hitting me up..

Damn.

DrOXccontN · 2021-06-27T12:44:31+00:00

I get what you guys are saying about playing the game and all but I’m with OP, I’m in my mid thirties and don’t have the energy and certainly not the patience for some silly bitchs mind games. In my 20s sure but now? Nope....

Interesting-Brief202 · 2021-06-27T13:09:53+00:00

Being direct works as long as you do it quick. It sounds like you were friends with here for a long time before you made a move. thats not the way to do it. i suggest not doing that

_dusTy96 · 2021-06-27T14:07:50+00:00

Thats the funny part. You dont.

FeelingFoggy · 2021-06-27T14:13:50+00:00

Yes!!!

gptamynk · 2021-06-27T14:50:18+00:00

When she wasn't interested,you should have moved on literally and mentally also(been there done that) 🤷

In one way or another you were giving her attention ..Just say Ok and pretend she is dead to you and she'll flock back to you that's when you have to choose whether you want the bitch or not 😇

Ralph_Marbler · 2021-06-27T14:54:36+00:00

Which is why I simply give up on girls.

dustyraisininacorner · 2021-06-27T16:05:49+00:00

As a female, I enjoy teasing (both who are interested and uninterested) and being in control, BUT it's not cool to lead people on. Sometimes being straight forward is really scary. I don't want a person to say straight away that they like me. After getting to know them bit better it mightbe different.

Tight_Warthog9098 · 2021-06-27T16:19:41+00:00

Just ask about themselves. People love doing that, especially girls

plaze6288 · 2021-06-27T16:23:20+00:00

I've said this before and I'll say it again, it takes a certain personality type to date.

My friends will say the same thing you have like oh you have to text them after so many days or do this or do that.

Why can't women just be normal?

wooshoofoo · 2021-06-27T16:48:24+00:00

Depends on the kinds of women, bud. If you’re looking at 20year olds who are being hit on 3000 times a day, yeah they expect guys to stand out, and game is one way (it’s NOT the only way).

Mr_Papa_Giorgio · 2021-06-27T17:03:32+00:00

That's why you need multiple options. Don't put all your energy into one woman. Date multiple women at once. Also the best way to have a woman interested in you is for her to see you with other women. This is where you use social media. You have to use womens hot n cold tactics against them

GLight3 · 2021-06-27T17:59:08+00:00

I'm not sure you really do HAVE to play it. Most times just showing mild interest and being straightforward is the way to go. Yes, you will still get rejected often, but that's the case with other strategies too. This way you're not wasting time and still have a comparable success rate.

Killz4Thrillz954 · 2021-06-27T18:02:21+00:00

Honestly I am finally at the point where Idgaf and it’s such a good feeling. I truly don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. Women have to prove to ME that they are worth it. I will be just fine saving my money, traveling, doing jiu jitsu and Muay Thai without any hassle from a girlfriend. I have never been more confident

entitledkidthrowaway · 2021-06-27T18:13:41+00:00

Dating is hell if you have autism. I’m so close to just giving up completely. My family keeps wondering why I don’t have a girlfriend yet and it’s just fucking exhausting to be reminded of it.

Deherben · 2021-06-27T18:32:00+00:00

I mean, by just following three 3 simple rules it will always work when it should, because when it doesn’t work then it’s probably just not meant to be, you’re different piece of a puzzle that doesn’t fit with her. Or you need more time for self realization.

Be yourself
Look into her eyes and never look away
Smile to her the same way as you liked to be smiled upon

Of course there are games to be played, it wouldn’t be fun otherwise. Have fun at this game, make it your own, be the master of your game. Because after all, life is always a game. Are you gonna play it or do you wanna stay behind.

QuantumSnek_ · 2021-06-27T18:47:40+00:00

It's the price we men have to pay for not having periods. A fucking bargain.

Ok_Influence_5342 · 2021-06-27T19:01:59+00:00

Well for a start, you are in the wrong mindset. As a man, none of this should be going through your head. You like her so you express it by giving her more of your attention, that's it.

That's how she know's that you are in to her. It's the fact you are choosing to chat to her or spend time with her over other girls. You don't need to be overly flirty for a girl to pick up that you are attracted to her.

Cut the crap about pretending to be uninterested, you're only going to make her less interested in you. You are attracted to her so why hide it?

MisterShogunate · 2021-06-27T19:16:19+00:00

Mind games are always part of socializing. If you think the world should just be "do you want x or not" and you should get the straight answer then you are just being needlessly simplistic.

There are time to be straightforward and there times to be ambiguous, neither approach is applicable to all scenarios.

maplemario · 2021-06-27T19:23:01+00:00

Meh, it’s fun.

Mewoir78 · 2021-06-27T19:30:57+00:00

There is a reason it's called the dating "game"

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-06-27T19:35:04+00:00

This is the real world, let's call it for what it is: an algorithm. Figure out the strat, rinse & repeat. Algorithm lasts 18-36 months. Rinse & repeat. Your particular strat failed when you gave her free attention instead of making her work for yours. Women don't sleep with men that they deem as having lower value than themselves. You have some learning to do and as you've correctly surmised it will be a struggle. Don't do it for women, do it to better yourself. A man that knows the "game" projects higher value than a man who fumbles without knowledge of how women operate. It's easier to spend time learning than fumbling your way straight to rejection. There's tons of good material out there. Make the effort to become badass or give up, but never waste your precious time.

Hayden_Beroc · 2021-06-27T19:50:54+00:00

no stating intent alias strait forward works but you cannot just throw compliment at the girl or she will get bored of you. Learn the neg theory and try it the girl you truly want but with gentle compliment when you are alone with her.

FreeBuddhistReloaded · 2021-06-27T20:07:42+00:00

I feel very identified by what you say because I felt the same way until recently. Yes. It sucks the fact that you have to pass so many tests, play games, do stupid things that will never guarantee any results.

But I think the answer is hidden within the problem. We say that we are tired of playing games. Ok, cuestion is: Why do we have to play games in the first place? Is it because someone told us that? Or because we read it in a book or saw it in a video on YouTube? Because it's trendy?

Fuck that shit.

Men don't play games.

Women play games? Maybe. Or maybe not. I don't care. I'm not a woman.

I would like to share some rules that I wrote for myself, on a day where I was just as "tired" of this shit as you are.

It's not my idea to convince anyone because the idea I think is that each one thinks for himself. But well, here you have it:

1- You have to go for it. Talk to the girl you like, invite her out on a date, propose things. There's no other way. Napoleon says: "In war, as in love, to achieve the objective it is necessary to approach."

2- Detach yourself from the result. It doesn't matter what they are thinking, or what they are going to do or what they won't do.

3- Don't make women a priority in your life. I think here is the difference between the winning side and the losing side. Think of the asshole they criticize all the time but is the one they end up sleeping with. Does he seem to be struggling to understand the game she is putting him on? He doesn't give a damn, so there you have your answer. Fuck the game.

When I was a child I had a new toy but had to go to some social event with my parents, I spent all my time thinking about what I would do with my new toy when I got home. I may have played with other children and responded to adults who asked if I was doing well in school and all that. But whatever, I was always thinking about my new toy. And they all tried even harder to talk to me, to please me the more I thought about the fact that I wanted to go to hell out of there, to play with my new toy for hours. That is the perspective.

If you are stressed, depressed, anxious about something. That shows one thing: you are not having fun with your own life. Dedicate yourself to your passion, that which doesn't depend on anyone other than yourself. Like a laboratory genius, completely obsessed with his work. Or a writer who spends many hours of the night writing. You know what I'm talking about.

So women are the spice in a man's life. Not the main meal. Never.

4- No woman is the woman of your life until she proves it. I'm talking about her proving it with actions, not words. And I must say that I'm not very comfortable with this idea of "the woman of your life". It's the same bullshit as "prince charming" for women. It's something from Disney. Doesn't exist. But if you date a woman, sleep with her, she becomes your partner and really shows that she cares about you, strives to be as nice as possible to you, then maybe you can start to consider her "a special woman." Until then, she is like all the others. You have to be picky here.

5- Stop asking for advice. I think that IN ITSELF puts you in a beta male spot. You can say what you want, that your love guru is the best, that you will be like him one day. But your subconscious will only pick up on one thing: That you ask for advice / follow someone else's guidance because you don't trust yourself. And your subconscious will end up telling women the truth no matter that you do. So remember my words, forget the damn game. Throw away your favorite guru's t-shirt and books. You don't need them anymore. Enlightenment begins where all teachers end. I have realized this very few days ago. Be like you are the first man on this earth.

6- Always show yourself as you are. Again, the gurus will try to tell you that this is wrong, that you need to improve and incorporate techniques. Oh, and by the way, the techniques they teach. They have the magic potion that will solve all your problems. Buddy, if you don't buy their books, if you don't attend their courses, the whole damn business goes down. They need money to survive, just like you. I don't care how a man makes a living, but that's a truth. They don't think about money and they do it for your well-being and to leave this world better than how they found it. Yeah right. There is a teapot orbiting Jupiter too and politicians really do everything for world peace, is their only interest. OKAY.

So be yourself. The only thing that you must incorporate as a truth are points 1, 2, 3. 1- you have to approach her (otherwise she will not know that you are interested), 2- detach yourself from the result, that you don't matter what they think and 3- don't make them a priority in your life.

Become the man of YOUR dreams. Do you know why you're tired of the damn game? Because you hate playing it. Do you think you'll win by doing something you hate? Think of something that you are really passionate about. You can spend hours doing it and you never get tired. Why is this? Because you love it. And when you love your own life guess what happens. So it's love or this shitty state of fear, anxiety, depression. Enough! Wake up.

7- No matter what she tries to make you believe, no matter what others say about her, no matter how much you have fooled yourself that she is special just remember this: there's always a better woman. FACT. Is she very attractive? Ok, then she will meet her worst enemy: another very attractive woman who will also give you what you are looking for.

Civil-Ad4780 · 2021-06-27T20:09:53+00:00

I literally thought you meant playing actual games haha this just shows how I like when people are straightforward with me. I can’t speak for most women but if you want to play the actual game, you have to appear uninterested. For some reason a lot of women out there like men who are hot and cold. Also, this girl… it seems to me she doesn’t like you at all, who in the world hits on their crush’s friend? Don’t waste your time with trying to get with her. There are thousands of women out there.

heraldos · 2021-06-27T20:28:15+00:00

the girls play games with us and dont complain

2021-06-27T20:43:33+00:00

I think if this is happening they are likely not the right person? They don't like you enough, they are not enthusiastic enough. You shouldn't have to chase and beg someone to be attracted to you and to want you. Even if they're fantastically wonderful, if they don't want you, they are not right for you.

2021-06-27T21:25:30+00:00

one thing i’ve learned from being hurt, humans for some damn reason (and this is psychologically proven) tend to like a pain and pleasure relationship. that’s why so many toxic relationships become addictive. it’s not necessarily that you HAVE to play games, but for some reason women find men who don’t want them attractive because of the chase, and men are the same way. because once you have them it’s like a prize and you get a high from it. it’s sucks but this is how humans work and it’s something i’ve had to learn the hard way running after a guy who was interested in plenty of girls but me 💔

nfornear · 2021-06-27T21:28:25+00:00

How does this have so much upvotes?

You dont have to play games to get women. In fact, you shouldnt.

Probably in your case you were too needy, and yes thats a turn off. Thats not playing games at all. A needy girl would probably turn off most men as well. Ofcourse there needs to be something interesting about you for her, otherwise the relationship is not going to fun. Thats not playing games.

Just focus on improving yourself in all areas of your life: career, hobbies, health and for sure girls will get more interesting. Nothing to do with playing games.

There are ofcourse girls who try to play games, but a man with standards cuts through that shit quickly, you can spend your time on better things.

2021-06-27T21:29:47+00:00

you care too much about one woman who's not your girlfriend or wife and you gonna get burned

how to care and not care at the same time? it's called flirting, you pull them in then push them away, repeat

if dating is too tiring for you have you thought of taking up power napping? it takes almost no effort

don't invest emotionally, money, time, energy etc. into a woman who's not investing in you, yeah you can take her out for a cheap lunch or make her dinner once or give it a shot one time but if she's not reciprocating move on to the next woman

also harden the fuck up

GAP2001 · 2021-06-27T22:19:08+00:00

This is why I don’t date, I am a straight forward person

2021-06-27T22:43:33+00:00

After reading this post and the comments I’m led to believe that dating just isn’t worth it. Even when I’m interested in someone and they seem interested in me they end up changing their mind or start sleeping with their roommate at the last second before even giving me a chance. I don’t want to have to jump through pointless hoops to play this made-up game of who cares less. At this point I think I’d rather die a lone virgin than keep going through the cycle. I love the idea of being with someone and being able to support and be supported, but now it just doesn’t seem like that’s gonna happen.

2021-06-27T23:12:07+00:00

Interesting comment.

All of that is great, and true, and will lead to a better lifestyle where you become a happier person overall. And I understand how that makes a person more attractive to girls and society.

But none of that has anything to do with whether a girl will be sexually attracted to you, and it will not get you any closer to your goal of seducing her. It's not a way of expressly building sexual interest

gentnscholar · 2021-06-27T23:52:26+00:00

They key to this is ensuring that you live somewhere that enables you to meet women everyday (i.e. a dense urban/suburban city). The more opportunities you have of encountering the type of women you’re genuinely interested in, the less needy or frustrated you’ll be/feel.

I’m assuming you’re in America & live in a decent but urban/suburban sprawling city? If so, I think you can relate to what I’m saying. The infrastructure & the car-dependency of most American cities really make socializing & dating very tough. It’s extremely frustrating & is why many Americans feel lonely.

kassra25 · 2021-06-28T01:37:58+00:00

Be allusive and vague with woman. Keep them guessing. Be like a boxer dipping and dodging from their games lol

YtBlue · 2021-06-28T04:42:47+00:00

It's not a game when you understand what they're looking for. I'm going to get downvoted to hell but this works. Women look for masculinity or signs of testosterone. Shown through looks and actions. Since women decide what's attractive they determine masculinity. If you ever been friends w women. A lot of the time they complain about guys being "dogs". This is because that's all they ever give a chance to. Some of these are traits are controlling, never emotionally available(don't open up or express feelings). Confidence/Arrogance(these two are hard to differentiate) and trying to stick your dick in everything(showing options). You messed up by being lovey and expressing yourself. Tell her instead of asking, always try and get something sexual while hanging with her, never get upset or jealous, be controlling(your way or the highway) and girls will complain but love it. This is because it gives girls the emotional feeling they want. Girls have many options but if a guy checks the boxes, they are loyal.

mikasabestgirl1 · 2021-06-28T05:26:02+00:00

I feel you. This girl I was dating and fell in love with, dumped me after 3 months. She said she lost interest one month prior to the dumping, but she didn't say anything cause she was testing me if I was true to my words. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. Fuck I opened up my vulnerabilities to her, I felt so fucking betrayed. We're both 25, why couldn't she just talk to me like an adult. I was willing to fix things if I knew what I did wrong.

Real_Vents · 2021-06-28T05:54:49+00:00

It really depends on what you're looking for bro. You don't want someone who isn't interested, that's a good thing now you can move on to someone who does show interest.

Here's the thing though, it's a woman's market out there. There's A LOT of male attention, and a lot of tired of it or are still immature, but that's not your problem, and frankly you shouldn't really care too since it's their life not yours.

2021-07-02T02:51:35+00:00

You can either hate the game or get better at it. its just how it is.

Thetruthisneeded · 2021-07-02T18:03:30+00:00

That's a her thing (and some others). I've never created a bond with im or flirted with someone I wasn't interested in.

And, a woman being nice isn't sending mixed signals.

Title	I hate the fact that men have to play games with women to get them interested. It's so exhausting
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	950
Comments	268
Date	June 27, 2021 12:33 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/o8ml50/i_hate_the_fact_that_men_have_to_play_games_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-hate-the-fact-that-men-have-to-play-games-with.1281729 https://theredarchive.com/post/1281729

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