Just got rejected and I feel like my heart was broken before I even went on a date

wirelezz · 2020-01-25T21:09:22+00:00

How about this:

Accept that you made some mistakes, including but not limited to, falling so quickly for her, giving her a card, and possibly acting like a friend.
Accept that you need a lot to learn on seduction. Good news is that you are in this sub. I strongly recommend reading Models from Mark Manson. Just go freaking read the book and honestly realize what you are doing wrong.
After you get steps 1 and 2 done, come back to this post and do realize how you sound. Not thay we are better or anything, but somehow some of us have gone through similar experiences (myself included). The first step on improving and never letting that happen to you again is being humble enough and accepting that there's something to improve.

Good luck!

ElegantCyclist · 2020-01-25T19:51:43+00:00

Go talk to new girls.

And lift heavy at the gym.

If you can't lift, just imagine some other guy's sweaty nutsack smacking against her ass as he's railing her, then go up a few lbs and hit those extra reps.

KittyJerky · 2020-01-25T20:44:30+00:00

Sounds like you’re overly invested in other women. From what I gather, you need to develop yourself first. #1 is go to the gym. Read books on self improvement. Mark Manson’s “Models” would suit you well I think. Tony Robbin’s “Awaken The Giant Within” as well. Basically, become happy being by yourself. Ironically you will take on an energy that attracts people to you. I wish you well friend!

howigotin · 2020-01-25T21:23:03+00:00

You must break out of this simp level of thinking. Hate to say it but she ain't shit mate. She just a regular person like anyone else. Ain't no such thing as "the one" or garbage you grew up learning on tv and Disney.

Q13989731E · 2020-01-25T22:21:04+00:00

Honestly getting rejected and then offered to be friends would be hard for me personally to do, I feel like I will be judging myself all the time and asking, "what did I lack" , "what did I do wrong" " does she still like me" "Can I be able to change her answer"

Honestly if you can be good friends go for it, but otherwise, just forget her and try moving on.

Heartbreak wounds do heal, give them a little time.

2020-01-25T22:36:35+00:00

Hey man, thought I'd share a sliver of my life to help cheer you on: two Saturdays ago I made plans with a lady to meet the Saturday after for drinks. I texted her Friday to confirm, nothing. So I decide to go to the bar anyway and meet new people. Ended up making friends with the bar staff and a regular. A few drinks in, I txt the lady to say the bar we decided on was really nice. Her reply: "who is this?" So I laugh it off and kept drinking with my new friends. They all wanted me to revisit the bar soon :) point is,if someone doesn't want you, it's better you know sooner than later. Also, you're responsable for your own happiness, so get out there and have fun!! I had a great time at the bar and will be going back soon :)

yrogerg123 · 2020-01-25T22:01:08+00:00

Sometimes you just need to get your heart broken. I got dumped today. It didn't really hurt.

The last time I got dumped, Ihonestly thought I wouldn't make it through, the pain was so deep.

Maybe you have to feel that pain, and get over it, and keep going, so that you learn that it's really not so bad, thereare othef girls out there, and you'll get over it.

Good luck.

Woujo · 2020-01-26T02:37:29+00:00

> So I gave my crush a card the other day. In it I explained my feelings

Don't ever do this. This works in movies, not in real life. By "explaining your feelings" you are basically saying "I feel an emotional hole without you, and I need you to fill it." That puts pressure on her, especially if she does not feel the same you.

You "show your feelings" for a girl by complimenting her and appreciating her after she does things for you.

> I was feeling like she was sending mixed signals which was a big improvement from other girls sending absolutely nothing...

You can't wait on girls to send you signals. You need to take the lead. You need to touch her. You need to suggest fun stuff to do.

> She did say that she really hopes we can still be friends. And I absolutely want the same thing.

First, you don't want to be friends. Don't like to yourself. You will kill yourself inside if you hang out with her as "just a friend." You will always want to fuck her, and you will get mad at yourself if you see her with other guys. Don't do it.

Depressedkid1998 · 2020-01-25T20:00:09+00:00

What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

Majority of the posts I read on these love/seduction/relationship subreddits are written by the most insecure dudes I've ever seen. Jesus Christ man.

Get yourself together, read some books, hit the gym, eat healthy. Stop asking for fucking reassurance of your weaknesses.

Nogoes30 · 2020-01-25T23:18:59+00:00

You sound pretty young (like high school or younger). This is an attitude every tough talking dude had in here and grew out of. So bottom line, don’t feel bad kid, it’ll pass and this is just part of become more mature towards relationships and turning from a boy to a man.

The truth is you should never invest your emotions in one woman until she seems like an absolute sure thing. What does that mean for you? Have like 5 girls you are building on at once, even if some you are very meh about. This will eventually let you see women for what they are- a disposable thrill, that is in great supply. If you develop that attitude, when you do fall in love you will know it’s the real thing and not just the thrill of female attention.

PartyMarty90 · 2020-01-25T20:56:15+00:00

Dude this just sounds needy. You need to read the stuff in pickup material and take it to heart. Dont get overly attached to one girl, avoid oneitis, just have fun and be fun to be around and girls will be into you. Dont put this girl on a pedestal. I'm sure she's great but there are lots of great girls. No one is one of a kind.

RaffNFreddy · 2020-01-26T03:40:00+00:00

I’m gonna be straight with you and suggest that maybe the card is what did you in. Even if a chick is into you, getting heavy with the emotions prior to hooking up with them (let alone before fucking) will often derail the train. Gotta keep your cards closer to the chest.

jbird32275 · 2020-01-25T21:42:26+00:00

Read Models by Mark Manson, go from there.

Umbran_scale · 2020-01-25T22:02:57+00:00

I think it's best to make it a point that every nice thing women do for you is just out of kindness and necissity rather than any form of attraction... At the end of the day, you really just can't tell with women and like in your case it's best not to assume they're interested.

egarc258 · 2020-01-25T22:43:09+00:00

Dude, I know it’s hard but the best thing to do right now is to move on. If a girl wants to be with you she will. This girl obviously doesn’t I know it hurts to hear. So you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who isn’t interested in you. Take this time to work on yourself like workout or do whatever it is you like doing. Also meet new girls, find someone who likes you just as much as you like her. All you need right now is time, before long you won’t feel the pain you’re feeling right now. Especially, if you work on your life and find someone else. Cheers, mate.

Hartwigg · 2020-01-26T04:44:40+00:00

Why do you even care? Treat yourself like a king bro, don't give a fuck about those weak feelings, stop crushing girls, hit the gym or other self-development shit, girls will be crushing on you.

ImJustSo · 2020-01-26T13:51:53+00:00

Alright, here's where you fucked up. You talked to her about your feelings. Don't ever do that again without touching/kissing a woman. You will get slammed into the friendzone every time you try. What you did is a simple mistake that most dudes make early on in their experiences with women. You had checked all the boxes necessary for an actual relationship with her, then you fucked it up by talking about it as if it didn't exist.

The way you correct this so that it never happens again is to define a relationship in your mind. A relationship is a simple thing with a simple definition. It is two people relating. You were attracted to her, she was attracted to you. She touched you and showed you physically that you were both in that relationship.

You then gave her a card that discussed your feelings for her, which alienated the relationship and created a fantasy relationship. You essentially destroyed reality by forcing your fantasy on her. By forcing your fantasy on her, you've given her a choice to make. Does your fantasy sound good or bad? Well, she was under the impression that you were both already in a relationship of sorts and now she's gotta go, "What the fuck? If this isn't what he wanted, and wants something else, then what terrifying shit does the guy want instead? Fuuucccck that!"

Relationships are simple things and you need to act in a very simple way going forward. You feel attraction to a girl, ask her to be around you physically, in your presence. She feels attraction to you and she accepts your invitation to be present.

Once you are both in each other's physical presence, you breach physical contact. She accepts this physical contact (or in your case, broke physical contact herself) and you're now in a physical relationship. She has accepted your presence. She has accepted physical contact. Your next step is simple. All you have to do is kiss her. She has checked all the boxes required up to now that says "acceptance".

Once you kiss her in private, you now try to touch her in private. This intimacy is a new level of the relationship. She will say yes or no to each new level that you offer in reality.

Never offer a fantasy again. Never force your fantasy on a woman, before you've offered her reality, because fantasies are terrifying, when you've not seen any reality yet in which to compare it.

TL;DR Avoid the friendzone with these simple steps:

First, be attracted and get a woman attracted.

Second, ask woman to be around you.

Third, touch woman.

Fourth, kiss woman.

Fifth, have sex with woman.

Never bring up your feelings before you are in an actual relationship with a woman.

Edit: Move on from this woman, you fucked up. She did not reject you. You rejected reality and now you know what not to do again to the next woman.

Vinniikii · 2020-01-25T20:45:27+00:00

Nothing you describe implies a connection. If anything you come off as limited: unable to form deep connections with most people, unused to casual touch and connection. Boys raised in low-empathy mileu are rewarded for being invisible, it’s a convenience for bad parents that has no real social rewards

2020-01-25T21:10:55+00:00

" she's not looking for a relationship " were her words, right ? Sooooo, stop pursuing her right friggin' now bro : when she feels your INDIFFERENCE to her, she will either want you A LOT oooor she won't. There's lots of quality women out there, that don't want a jerk : your job is to not be a dickhead while you make it clear that 'the friendzone' isn't what you're looking for. Good Luck !

sleepyfishcat · 2020-01-25T22:25:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

larz3 · 2020-01-25T23:26:24+00:00

I really really hope you read this, and take it to heart, and don’t be too hard on yourself but also understand and internalize it: Imagine if a woman had been flirting with you. You were kind of into it, kind of not, exploring something new. But don’t forget you still have an entire full life. You have tuesdays with your buddies playing basketball. Thursday you have a favorite show you watch with you brother. Maybe some secret crush that you someday hope talks to you. You genuinely enjoy your life, and change is scary.

Now that woman basically says she has incredibly strong feelings for you and wants to fundamentally change the entire structure of your day, week, and life by being your girlfriend. Every dynamic in your life changes. I don’t think I’m explaining this that well but basically, that’s kind of how it is for her. This isn’t a “slow, inching path” into her daily routine. It’s a request to insert yourself heavily into her life, which is a LOT to process in only a few short days.

I promise promise promise you this: the quickest way to end something to a woman (at the beginning) is to scare her or worry her that you’re going to become too involved in her life. It’s just too much for a human being to be ready to deal with

aphs2822 · 2020-01-26T06:40:13+00:00

A lot of really unsympathetic crappy advice in this thread so thought I'd chime in. Hang in there man. I know it fucking sucks to be super into a girl and get shot down. Happens to even all the guys here saying to never get too into one girl. If you date, you're bound to find girls you really click with who don't end up feeling the same way.

It sucks trying to make sense of it. Best advice I can give you is to accept it'll probably hurt for awhile and that's ok. That's normal. Keep in mind that you don't know what the future holds. Something could develop down the line. Maybe in a few months or a few years. The possibilities are endless. I'm going through something similar with a girl I dated for a month. Went amazing but she didn't want a relationship and it was getting too serious for her so it suddenly ended. I'm still pretty caught up on her. But the times where I feel down about it are the times I'm being impatient and wanting everything to happen right now rather than accepting that time will tell. When I focus on living my life and remember that at any time she might come around and want something with me, I feel way better. Maybe eventually she will or maybe time will allow me to just move on. Take that mentality and take it one day at a time. Some days will be better than others but the good days will keep getting more frequent

401kisfun · 2020-01-26T07:48:57+00:00

You get attached quick - try something different - not -liking- a girl romantically or at all until you have fucked her at least 3 times. Not kissed, not cuddled, but fucked!!

ohhhbarnicles · 2020-01-26T09:07:31+00:00

You need to listen to corey wayne and dan bacon. Completely have changed me completely. You've missed some subtle hints and didn't try closing the deals and that's fine you noticed her hints and the connection but didnt take it to the next step; at least you noticed those signs that many guys don't.

Also, you put her in a pedestal for sure. How do I know? Because I've been there and the fact that you had fallen in love with her, you were creating a fantasy in your mind. Let me ask you, did you feel sexual tension between the both of you or felt like she would have kissed you back if you went for the kiss??

Also, if you really want her as a man you want her sexually and not only as a friend, do your heart a favor and do no contact with her, at least for a little bit, to heal and break out of the fantasy world in your head. Annnnnnnddddd, not all girls are innocent my friend. You are projecting onto her that she wouldn't do anything sexual before marriage, you're being logical...but women are emotional creatures and sometimes what they say they want and what they do are different.

Lastly my friend, I couldnt continue ranting in and I maybe wrong in some of this because I'm not a pro, but I've gone through a good amount if rejections and trying different things to know. You sound like a nice guy.

Do yourself a favor and download a free PDF of No More Mr. Nice Guy from Robert Gliver, or sign up to audible for free and download your 2 free books and then cancel account. I'll be reading the book along with you.

Really follow corey wayne, robert Glover's podcast episodes on no more mr. Nice guy and dating essentials for men, and dan bacon on youtube. I've been having streaks of success the last few weeks and I can tell you these guys have opened up my eyes.

IndirectConsequence · 2020-01-26T09:15:58+00:00

Rejection happens you need to get used to it, keep putting yourself out there and good things will follow

Renaissance2020 · 2020-01-26T11:38:27+00:00

In the summer I had a 3-month extremely intense relationship. I loved her more than I've ever loved anything or anyone, but it had a dark side too and I ended up really hating her at the same time. When we finally broke up, she wanted to remain friends (she had this frightening ability to reprogram her mind about who I was to her) but I said no.

If I'd stayed friends with her I would now know all the details about her new man and maybe men in plural. It would drive me insane and I might do something really unwise. CUT ALL CONTACT for 6 months at least.

Though our relationship was very unhealthy.,it had so many aspects to it that I've never had before so good. But bygetting out there and meeting other women I have realised that some of those qualities are within other women too. I've not met anyone since with all of those positive qualities, but not the horrendous ones either.

For example, our sex life with electric and I thought it would be boring with everyone else. But 5 weeks after seeing her last I had a one night stand that was terrific, a real sexual chemistry with a stranger. I've since had sex with two other women and it's not been as good as my ex or that first one night stand, because chemistry varies. The lesson it taught me is that I can have chemistry with some women, it's just not that common.

Since I split up with my ex I've been on a bit of a mission. I met a girl recently who was the first person to feel like girlfriend material. She couldn't believe how well we got on and out first date was magical and lasted 14 hours. But after a second date she seems to have changed her mind and gone off me. So I said my goodbyes in a nice way and deleted her number. She dropped me a WhatsApp message yesterday to say hello and that she was thinking about me. I replied politely and deleted her number again. If she wants me come back, she knows where I am. But chasing someone who's not interested is a total waste of time, brother.

I have to believe but there is a woman out there that will eclipse my recent ex of the summer, of course there is. The will be for you too, you just have to find the courage within yourself to meet her.

Good luck x

axe122 · 2020-01-27T06:05:45+00:00

Next time don’t ever tell a girl you like her the way you did. Life’s not a romcom and girls do not respond to that stuff unless they really real like you. Otherwise you just scare them off and blow potential opportunities. They don’t want someone to explain that they are good for eachother or tell them they like them in secret is really low confidence. They want a guy who shows them they’re interested and you coulda possibly been with her if you just went for it as opposed to asking her out on a date or telling her how much you like her. If she was your friend first and you developed a crush on her then just go for it in person and make your interactions more flirty. If she’s a an acquaintance ask her to hang out and go for it. Sex comes before a relationship and not after. Even if you like the girl and want her as a girlfriend she will not be your girl if she don’t wanna sleep with you.

I think a lot of guys get stuck on that, trying to put the cart before the horse and wanna have her as a girlfriend so they are overly cautious and trying not to scare her off.They basically talk her out of sleeping with them by making the conversation boring and plutonic. Assume every girl wants to sleep with you and work from there. Obviously this won’t be the case but it’s a much stronger position to come from.

Aerospacen1nja · 2020-01-25T20:54:29+00:00

One of the most annoying concepts to me about dating in todays age is that you can and will go through a number of hoops with someone and everything will seem fine and dandy until one day its not. Life happens everyday; and the healthy way to look at relationships today is to basically go into it with your best but expect it to not workout. Expect it to be a fling before hand and make all that ling term stuff something you discover you’ll want down the road with that person. I just casually talk to girls now and don’t expect anything to happen but i still make the effort, cause if i didn’t make the effort to go out and buy drinks and etc. i wouldn’t be getting any at all.

Everyone wants to be friends and it’ll benefit you later on if you do become friends (friends with girls means potential to hook up with their friends) but sometimes it is too hard to watch or be apart of and if thats the case then leave sooner than later.

I expect things to never workout so when they do I’m not disappointed and if they do I’m pleasantly surprised.

Ill say this though, nowadays guys kinda take a back seat to any and all decisions in this field so its refreshing to me when i get called up by a girl to go out and then i get to call the shots a bit. Instead of trying to make it work for them, they’re trying to make it work for me.

The absolute best advice i ever got from anyone about dating or girls or hooking up etc. is that if someone is interested in you, they will make the time for you. If someone isn’t making time to even send a simple 5 word text back after hours and hours and its not even work related, chances are they aren’t interested and have back pocketed you maybe at best.

Most people who have phones, and especially most girls, carry their phones with them everywhere. They’re taught from early on to not seem eager and play it safe by not responding immediately. Girls hate appearing desperate. All people should lol. But they put up defenses like purposely responding later to test you and some people call these games. I usually ignore it and when you don’t play them you don’t seem desperate. Just message on your own time when you feel like it.

2020-01-25T21:42:07+00:00

Not everyone will click with one another, that's just a part of dating. Keep at it you will find what you see looking for. Don't be so hard on yourself :)

2020-01-25T22:22:07+00:00

Enough with the crushes. It’s inherently needy to only want one specific girl. And girls can smell that neediness a mile away. Abundance>one girl

sircabbage69 · 2020-01-25T22:54:08+00:00

It seems like you’re making an idealized version of this woman and putting her on a pedestal and I hate to break it to you, but she takes disgusting massive shits like everyone else. Of course you won’t find someone else like her, she’s an individual and you holding her up as a monolith of feminine grace is not fair to her. Other women will have it, whatever it may be. Your goal should be to interact with more women in general because it will help you to see who else is out there and what they have to offer. I’m not saying to forget this woman, but don’t don’t get down in the dumps about her rejecting you. As others have said she didn’t see you as a potential mate. Either you accept that or change your strategy about your interactions with her in particular and women in general. Now get out there, Sport, and make yourself the man whose child women want to carry.

2020-01-25T23:03:52+00:00

It sounds like you guys did have a genuine connection. In my experience, if it does seem that everything that happened was sincere and real, then it really is something on her end. Timing is such a crucial part to any relationship. She might feel the connection to, but it’s the whole ‘you gotta love yourself before you can love someone else’ sort of thing. On the bright side, if timing is the only issue, that means it can resolve itself. The best thing you could do is first, not resent her. She could be working through some stuff but still genuinely enjoy your time. Second, don’t put pressure on yourself to do anything or change anything. If timing is the issue, or it’s soemthing on your end, trying to force something won’t help. This stuff is hard. It’ll be ok

azertyNO00 · 2020-01-25T23:27:12+00:00

I would Suggest To Ignore her and not talk to her for a mounth . Don't respond to her and See How That Goes . Hung Around Girls Infront of her . Make her as Jealous as possible. And Try to let her come to you NOT THE OPPOSITE . So basically , IGNORE HER till SHE NOTICES AND GET ATTRACTED TO YOU . It may not be for a mounth . But I would suggest no less than 2 weeks . Good Luck !!! If She doesn't . Move On .

2020-01-25T23:27:12+00:00

Honestly man, from what you have posted, this girl had no intentions of becoming your girlfriend. It sounds more like she saw these "meetings" as just getting to know a potential new friend.

A woman subtly touching your arm or hugging you does not necessarily mean anything other than her just being friendly. Some people are more touchy-feely than others, especially women. It almost sounds like you expected that little bit of physical contact to lead to getting her in bed.

I know it can be hard to move on because I've been there. HEck, I am currently dealing with a woman that seems like she doesn't know what she wants and I don't really know if I want to get involved in that. Move on. Talk to other women (I know this is hard too because it is hard for me). In the meantime, try and just care about the person that matters most, which is you!

And so what if she does end up with another guy. There are more women on Earth than there are men. That means that your chances and mine are pretty good. We have to get out there and look and take chances because they are very rarely going to come up to you. Get out there and live life. Constantly improve upon yourself.

2020-01-25T23:32:29+00:00

I do not want to judge you. I just belive you carry that innocent naivety of youth, which may easily delude itself to get attached to another person before even getting to know them.

Sorry, but it is naive to feel heartbroken after a rejection. Yes, rejections are unpleasant. But think like this; you cannot really know a person that well, espeacially if you have never hanged out together or dated with them. If they were really unattractive, would you even bother to talk with them? "Love at the first sight" is the oldest lie in the world, which still refuses to die. Relationships require connection, reciprocity and intimacy, attraction is never enough.

Even the most attractive man in the world has been rejected a lot of times. It never gets pleasant. It still sucks. But you learn to never to give a fuck and move on. It should only bother you as much as a pebble in your shoe does.

TL;DR: Read the last paragraph at least. It is my thesis statement.

Gandalf__White · 2020-01-25T23:41:37+00:00

Read my post

Basic85 · 2020-01-25T23:42:43+00:00

Here is my 2 cents, I understand that you may get attached to a female and that you want to date her badly but you must get over her. This may take time though so take that time, get over it and move on with it.

Just like other others have said on here, she is or will eventually have sex with other men so forget it, it's time for you time have sex with other women. In the end, that's what she wants for you to move on and have many sex with other women.

Uberslaughter · 2020-01-26T00:03:25+00:00

You're still alive right?

betacrucis · 2020-01-26T00:05:44+00:00

Read Models.
Recognise that chemicals in your brain are deceiving you. Gftow
Listen to some Patrice. https://youtu.be/C1IsDto41Tw

Darnag7 · 2020-01-26T00:26:19+00:00

If she wants to be friends, then decide what being friends means to you. If you're looking for love/sex and self improvement then that should be your main focus.

Give her less of your time and establish dine boundaries around the kind of things you are willing to do with/talk about with her.

Judging from your post I'm assuming that you are a cis het male. That right there is a different kind of friendship than being one of her gal pals or her gay best friend.

If you're still attracted to her then let her know that you're open to being friends with benefits. If you don't like being hugged by her then say so.

You don't have to be the guy she complains to about people she's actually fucking.

If being friends with her doesn't work out that's okay. You have more important things to do.

kevixdark · 2020-01-26T00:29:37+00:00

Rejection is a healthy yet painful lesson. Stop investing so much emotion and importance to someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

In a nutshell: learn from your mistakes, get out there again and dominate. She's probably fucking someone else with better confidence/game than you. Get over it. That's life.

SmoothPrimal · 2020-01-26T00:59:35+00:00

Yeah this is a weird way of thinking. You aren’t together, so you are entitled to feel this way at all.

Not saying you weird, it just means you need to actively manage your feelings for girls when you are in the dating process.

I don’t think you can stay friends with her. Better to move on try again with another girl. Best of luck.

TTV-DontEvnTrip · 2020-01-26T01:10:03+00:00

I think the fact your wrote your feelings in a card might be what put her off, those types of conversations are better to have in person where you can have some back and forth conversation. Next time you feel that way towards another women explain it to her face to face and don’t expect anything in return just be ok with putting yourself out there as hard as that sounds

edlimsanity · 2020-01-26T01:51:11+00:00

You got friendzoned, like you're really a good valuable friend to her. It's time to better yourself: go to the gym, get a hobby, do stuff that you enjoy that in the end you'll be a kind of person that she (or women generally) would want, even if she wont. I know how you feel, but it doesn't get better by pursuing her more. Just be friends with her, but stop spending time with her too much, if at all. Love yourself - I wish I knew this years ago.

2020-01-26T01:56:29+00:00

Dude take power back move on, don't over think it, be able to move forward ASAP. Women do just FYI

archieclark45 · 2020-01-26T02:38:53+00:00

2020-01-26T02:42:39+00:00

It happens to me alot. I'm always being mislead by what feels like love. I'm sure it happens to alot of women aswell. It's painful and sometimes dangerous when you're desperate and a bit lonely, but society is weird. When they hear you've had your heart broken people want the best for you and want you to pick up and move on, but I have an aversion to the attitude held by many layman's.

Reaver_ · 2020-01-26T03:14:22+00:00

I'm sorry for your hurt feelings, but this isn't r/relationships. What are you hoping to get out of posting this here?

2020-01-26T03:22:45+00:00

She wasnt sending mixed signals, she is umattracted to you, and girls and guys can flirt without wanting to fuck you or be in a relationship with you, move on, or if you really want her, keep trying, but dont be too fixated if she doesnt feel the same way.

Edit, nvm move on and dont get caught up in a weird friend love thing, itll make you look more desperate and unable to focus on yourself. Trust me this is way better than beating a dead horse and beating your meat watching a girl get dicked down by another guy.

Mc_Dickles · 2020-01-26T04:08:51+00:00

Giving a card is a big no-no oh jeez lol last time I did that I was 11

Moikepdx · 2020-01-26T05:00:14+00:00

Being friends with your crush is typically not a good idea. It becomes a one-sided relationship whete she has her desires filled and you do not. It’s also a recipe for jealousy, which you’ve already demonstrated by fearing she’ll find someone else. Tell her that you were really looking for something more, and that although you like her you want to focus on finding a relationship that isn’t one-sided, not invest yourself in a relationship that won’t happen.

She’ll respect you more for respecting yourself, and frankly your best shot at changing her mind is having her realize that she is losing you, and that you weren’t as needy as you seemed.

Insaneflirt_max · 2020-01-26T05:26:24+00:00

Sounds like a super villain origin story

AA-02 · 2020-01-26T06:17:49+00:00

Yeah man dont be friends with her. I would seriously advice you to work on yourself right now. This includes talking to alot of women to develop your game I guess, and if you have money, date multiple women.

AragorntheMighty · 2020-01-26T06:32:40+00:00

And I absolutely want the same thing.

I don't think you do. It sounds like denial tbh. Good luck moving on, i hope it comes natural 👍

guilty_bystander · 2020-01-26T06:34:47+00:00

I stopped after 'card with feelings'.

_SaintJimmy_ · 2020-01-26T07:44:54+00:00

I have a close friend who's been in the same situation - childhood friends with a girl who he secretly fell in love with. He eventually (after many years) asked her out with a heartfelt birthday gift and message, and was soon declined. To this day he still has feelings for her and tries to maintain friendly terms in the hopes to one day convince her to be his lover, because in his head, he has it that romance spins like a Disney fairy tale.

I think its fair to say you have a lot to learn about expressing yourself both sexually and as a man before you are ready to have a properly romantic relationship, but with that said, there is a more important issue at hand, and that is your mental well being:

So long as you continue to look at her with a romantic eye, you will be tortured with every experience you have with her. This is toxic, and I know because my close friend is going through the same thing, and he won't listen to me. Its bad for you and for her, because she won't be able to really have you as a friend, and you'll feel constantly unworthy and out of place. Moreover, the moment she finds a lover, it will hurt you even more because you've attached all your self worth to her perception of you.

Realize what you did: you presented yourself to her as friend for all the time you've known her for, and then suddenly handed her a very hefty romantic proclamation. Of course its sensible that she rejects you. It has nothing to do with your worth though, you were rejected because you suddenly and without proper qualification changed the contract between you and her as friends.

No matter what you do, drop her from your heart's eye ASAP. Take some time to yourself, and then spend some time surfing the higher quality/rated posts on this subreddit to learn what is to be a man with sexual interests, and what are the healthy ways of expressing both of those things.

kettelbe · 2020-01-26T08:27:46+00:00

Oh boy did it resonate with me. Keep strong and move on.

2020-01-26T09:19:51+00:00

Do what you think is best for you buddy!

And don't go hard on yourself because you did nothing wrong and you should be proud that you opened up yourself to another person, that takes some courage. Don't change yourself for others, do it for yourself and don't blame yourself for being imperfect, she isn't either.

You are a keeper so turn your filter off and keep going. Life always gives you some great chances and u already used one of them. :-)

Have a great day!

2020-01-26T09:56:05+00:00

every time someone post something like this, the general advice everyone gives is to go out and bang 10 girls.

That of course is easier said than done.

Having your heart broken sucks. I feel you man. You've made a lot mistake and now you are here.

Learn from the mistakes you made. Someone recommended the audiobook Atomic Attraction to me and it is a very good book on why what you did didn't work.

If you can learn from this and get better at talking to girls,.. maybe her not having feelings for you is the best thing that could of happen to you.

ConnorGracie · 2020-01-26T10:10:50+00:00

As a man you can't obsess ofer a girl you just need to be practical and play a bit of the numbers game. You'll become strong, jaded really, about it soon enough.

VDKay · 2020-01-26T10:19:24+00:00

Man, First of all, good job for opening up. It takes balls to do that. However, please, use this experience as a lesson for future cases.

First of all, it is a clear case of walking into the friendzone yourself. I mean, even if she was interested at first, she slowly drifted into categorizing you as a "friend" in her mind, and once girls do that, it is hard to escape this state (unless you are super-good-looking and they continuously lust for you). I bet that you knew that you liked her long before you gave her the card. The best time to ask her out is right then. It shows that you have balls and is the least creepy.
Second, writing a card is cute and all, but if you are over 17, I'd suggest that it is better to ask her out in person for several reasons. Moreover, there is a big difference between "revealing your undying love" and "revealing that you like her". The first is cultivated in your own head for as long as you remain friends, but she has no clue so it 99% comes off as totally creepy, and the second is the ballsy truth. You choose what to do the next time.
Finally, you say that your intentions were: "a genuine long term relationship". How you know that? I mean, you are good friends and all, but a relationship is something entirely different. Suppose you choose to get married and you found out she SUCKED at bed (only figuratively). You wouldn't want that! But you can't be sure unless you fucked her. Also, how can you be so sure if a woman is girlfriend material? I mean, if you had a lot of girls in your life, you'd have learned what you like and what you don't. But, sorry if I am wrong, but you sound like that you don't have so much experience. So saying that you would like to have a serious relationship with a girl you are only friends with is creepy and needy AF.

Bottom line: keep experiencing around. Keep this as a lesson and start dating girls with the intention to KNOW them first, and THEN decide if they are worthy of your time and attention for a serious relationship.

One more thing:

I can say with 100% certainty, that both of us (although yes we may have sexual desires sometimes) are not looking for sex. We are those marriage before sex people.

She is not looking for sex, she is not looking for a relationship, then what is she looking for? A dog? The ugly truth is that I can say with 101% certainty that she certainly had (maybe still having) LOADS of sex already. And for some reason, I am more sure than you

beastboi27 · 2020-01-26T10:46:38+00:00

Alot of inexperienced guys think that doing something sweet for a girl we like and being vulnerable..sounds like something a girl would like alot, but it's the opposite. Girls view guys like that as being desperate, with no options and it turns them off. It also puts alot of pressure on them to reciprocate feelings and girls don't know what the hell they want, so they usually hit you with the "I'm not ready for a relationship, sorry. I just want to get my life together." But, they are talking to other Men on the side..trying to figure out which one of them she will pick to be her bf, now that you are out of the picture.

postponestudentloan · 2020-01-26T10:50:02+00:00

I’m not sure why people are advising you to “hit the gym” and “read some books”. As if that would have gotten you the girl, and as if that is what you are lacking. Yes, these things are nice for self improvement but you sound like a nice person and if a girl’s prerequisite for you to date her is “being ripped” and “reads”, then you found yourself a shallow girl.

I think the problem was more that you made an ideal image of this girl. People do this a lot. You start to like someone and start to paint them more perfect than they are, and imagine what you could be like together. It never meets reality though, and that’s when disappointment steps in.

TitusVI · 2020-01-26T11:23:15+00:00

I would not want to be friends with a woman i love and when ahe clearly said she is not interested. Just the thought of beeing alone in bed thinking about her while she fcks someone else. Best for me is no contact or i go insane over time.

symptomunknown · 2020-01-26T11:45:46+00:00

'i gave my crush a card that revealed my feelings' - and that's when we all knew he fucked up. Never ever ever never ever ever never ever never never never again will you do that. In fact if you ever feel like doing that again slap yourself in the face five times so you can wake up from whatever dream you think that works in.

drnookey · 2020-01-26T12:21:22+00:00

All women are the fucking same bro. I feel for you having been rejected...she played you man, she wanted you as her emotional tampon. Deep breaths, move forward and forget her. I mean if it helps wank over her pics there nothing wrong with that but get her out your mind. Emotional quicksand is no good...

Chintan_Mehta · 2020-01-26T15:47:23+00:00

!RemindMe 1 day

STD_Tyler · 2020-01-27T00:02:25+00:00

Time will heal this brother. It is a bitch on the first few days, and you will feel that you will never forget her, and that there are no other girls. But that's just a delusion. I have been through this a couple of times and I am sure 100% time will heal it. Don't chase her and spam her with messages like a dog, don't dig a deeper hole. Moving on is a must, she will be disgusted if you keep on trying..

abhidas01 · 2020-01-27T09:48:36+00:00

Bro there's no wonder she was a amazing woman but the hard truth is she just wasn't into you. I've had a similar experience as well where we were talking to each other over texts and it felt like it we had a good connection but when we went on a date it didn't quite work out especially from her side . She texted me saying we didn't quite hit it off so let's be friends which is a subtle way of saying it's not gonna happen. I felt bad as well for a few weeks then realized that it just wasn't meant to be and really appreciated that girl for being so polite about it. So take the positive out of it and keep heading on I'm sure you'll meet someone whom you'd like even more and she'd like you back as well so keep your hopes up. Cheers !!!

Firelight-Firenight · 2020-01-25T20:28:03+00:00

I have found that how you feel about yourself matter very little in the grand scheme of things.

Do what you have to and ignore the voice inside telling you about yourself.

morningstar197654321 · 2020-01-25T21:53:50+00:00

Just cause she’s nice doesn’t mean she’s into you. Get over it

MrMemper · 2020-01-25T22:59:30+00:00

Really? You fell in love with this girl after knowing her for a few weeks? Not sure on the exact time scale but I’m sure it’s short. You don’t love her, you have oneitis.

Keep doing what you’re doing but do it with multiple females. If you can go out with one, you can go out with 3. Learn to temper yourself. The more attention you get from women the easier it is to see clearly- but you must know what you want. Do you have criteria or do they just gotta look pretty and give you a hug?

whomeverIwishtobe · 2020-01-25T22:06:56+00:00

You were friendzoned hard and didn't know it. Why would a girl who is romantically interested in you have you hang out with her friends and her before dating / fucking you? This girl was probably just being nice and thought you only wanted to be friends. Most likely, because you are afraid of intimacy and didn't touch her or flirt with her or make your interest in her romantically clear at all.

Learn how to Kino escalate, how to make flirty comments and tease, how to be DIRECT. You don't know how apparently.

Also hugging is platonic unless there's a bit of groping involved bro.

Chro_no · 2020-01-26T07:13:30+00:00

I've been there before. It might not be a bad idea to take a break from her for a couple months to get over your feelings so you can continue being friends. Hopefully she will understand.

Jonx1000 · 2020-01-25T21:03:08+00:00

It sounds like she was giving you opportunities to take it to the next level physically. Basically kiss her on the lips, feel on her, etc. If you wait to long the next man will, all you can do now is learn from your mistakes don't show her too much that you are hurt because that news will probably spread in the school and may cause other girls to lose interest in you. Like everyone else said move on I know its tough, but she will come back around if she sees you with another woman by then you might not even be interested in her anymore.

But, seriously if she tries to isolate you like that from everyone else she's expecting you to make a move be a man stop waiting for her to take charge

Title	Just got rejected and I feel like my heart was broken before I even went on a date
Author	sleepyfishcat
Upvotes	292
Comments	168
Date	January 25, 2020 7:47 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/etvj81/just_got_rejected_and_i_feel_like_my_heart_was/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-got-rejected-and-i-feel-like-my-heart-was.1489204 https://theredarchive.com/post/1489204

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