When did you know it was over?

evsy0utlaw76 · 2024-03-31T09:34:14+00:00

When she asked for her housekeeping money in Travellers Cheques!

Classic_Dill · 2024-03-28T17:47:54+00:00

Look for broken patterns, lack of texts, phone calls, flirting, no desire for sex, no affection. Look for these patterns to break and youll know something is very wrong.

CarpenterNo3430 · 2024-03-27T17:57:45+00:00

My ex-wife did it out nowhere. I guess she never appreciated me taking care of her greedy ass. But I filed before she did

dadplup · 2024-03-27T10:21:42+00:00

I caught her cheating the first time in 2010, tried to work it out but refused to take responsibility for her affair, she would send mixed signals to me, to my face she would say I want to work it out, to her friends she would say I'm gonna get a job, leave his butt and make him pay thru the nose, I confronted her with this, she admitted it and even acknowledged that the moment someone better came along she would leave me, I never trusted her after that, she exposed her real self then, had other affairs i just stopped caring, it killed my soul, she made me feel worthless, and as she couldn't take care of herself, let alone the kids, I stayed bidding my time, it nearly killed me, but I finally divorced her when my daughter was old enough to choose who she would live with, that was finalized in 2022,a very long time, to this day she doesn't think she did anything wrong and that I'm the monster.

burdenm · 2024-03-27T05:39:37+00:00

We fought for the last time. It was the first time after a fight that I literally walked out the door and drove to a friends house. Didn’t stay the night but I simply walked away from the fight. And it felt so much easier because I had.

Every fight started feeling like an uphill battle that I would ultimately lose. Because even if I won, oh I’d pay for that in the long term. It became so exhausting and really thinking about never having to give a shit what she thought again was so freeing. And you never want to be in a marriage where the thought of being out of it is “freeing”. Like loosing shackles around my wrists and ankles type of free.

After that, I started doing whatever I wanted slowly. We had already decided on divorce and time and time again there she was, trying to control me again. But I wouldn’t have it. And it pissed her off even more so.

So, when being away from them makes you feel so much better than being with them, it’s probably a good time for divorce.

NewDay0110 · 2024-03-26T15:49:20+00:00

Day 2 of our family vacation she got angry at me that I stopped in the hotel breakfast area for a free waffle and yelled at me in the car for a straight 45 minutes, telling me how I ruin all her fun all the time. That was the last straw. I turned around the car and we went home, vacation cancelled and I started lawyering up the next Monday.

Gattsama · 2024-03-26T10:00:09+00:00

17 years together, 12 years married. We were never healthy. But she was my first love, was a virgin when we meant, etc. The last 2 years were a slow wake-up call for me. We were deadbed by then, but I truly didn't care. Started to just withdraw and take better care of myself. Then one night had a nothing BS argument and she took off her ring and told me to leave.

So I left. And once out of the house, I had never been more peaceful and stress free. We sort of tried to work things out, but I don't think she understood how emotionally divorced I had become, how miserable I was, and how unhealthy we were. Then, one night at work, she called me and said something that was supposed to be helpful / a blessing but sent me into a rage (long story). I stepped back, hung up, and went outside to collect myself. I realized this was not workable and told her we needed to divorce. She was understanding and still wanted to work on things. I said I don't think we are workable or healthy, I'm going to get my own place, and we will see what happens.

Then the love bombing began. I was lonely and hungry. So I have into that. Went from zero sex and her changing in the bathroom or locked closet to anything I wanted, anytime I wanted, anyway I wanted. I knew the deal (manipulation) and kept saying we needed to work on our core issues. Sure enough, the devaluation stage did come.

My last paternal uncle had just died. I was working 14 nights in a row. This was night 13. I called her and asked to meet for breakfast. At breakfast she said she didn't like how I entrant around other women, took her ring off again (had put it back on during the love bombing), and gave me an ultimatum to put my ring back on too.

I saw that this was the best she could be and do. My uncles dead, I'm working back to back 84hr weeks, and she's making ultimatums. So that was it...

Told her that night we should terminate. A few weeks later, I filed.

BudFox_LA · 2024-03-26T08:42:40+00:00

The sex taking a noticeable nose dive and my desire to keep our once vibrant sex life alive being labeled as deviant and “objectifying” was definitely the sign that the smell of death was upon the marriage.

OpeScuseMe74 · 2024-03-26T06:49:19+00:00

With my first wife, I started working 2nd shift when our first was born. She made more money than I did with her degree and I had dropped out of college. So, we agreed that I would switch to a second shift job so I could take care of the kids during the daytime and she would take care of them in the evening. Daycare is expensive. Most of my paycheck would have been eaten up. Our sleep schedules could still match.

Child number two comes along. They start preschool, then half-day kindergarten. When the oldest started 1st grade, I tried getting back onto first shift so I wouldn't have to miss him 5 days a week. Also, he was a rather sensitive kid at that age and sometimes cried at school because he missed me. The teacher never told us that until the first parent/teacher conference. We could have talked to him and reassured him. Another story for another sub, I guess.

Anyway, I finally get back on first shift to stay. I stop at the store before heading home to buy her flowers and our favorite champagne to celebrate. She calls me between getting out of the car and entering the store. She asks me where I am. I didn't want to give away the surprise but she kept asking and finally gets it out of me. Then she says words that are permanently etched in my memory...

"Don't bother."

Confused, I ask why. Then she proceeded to tell me that we need to talk.

Where the hell did this come from? I know things weren't always perfect but I was never made aware that it was this bad and that she was ready to quit on us.

My excitement for being able to be a regular family again came crashing down in seconds. We were finally able to reclaim our evenings together seven days a week. But no. "Don't bother."

Two words can really pack a punch.

Thrownaway_marriage · 2024-03-26T04:54:52+00:00

When I saw the messages to the "just a friend" coworker. There was no going back from that. In just a couple months of working together she had decided to have an affair and throw away 11 years of marriage.

What had changed? We were actually in a better spot than we had been in awhile. Had to relocate for work, and that was rough, but we were making better money and finally getting ahead. As soon as she started seeing real good progress at the gym and got some attention from guys, I guess she decided she liked that.

Now she's a 40yr old mom of 2 that seems to be trying to sling it to everyone she can get attention from off of dating apps.

roshi-roshi · 2024-03-26T02:37:02+00:00

I’m not confident it’s the right decision, but my wife is. The way she treats me now I wouldn’t treat a dog. Just absolute contempt. It’s surreal.

No_Investigator3353 · 2024-03-26T01:23:32+00:00

Fuk that I left my wife because she was and is a bitch, I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life miserable...leave if your not happy, they do this shit to us! There's always a greener pasture no matter what the Matrix says..

saygrace2 · 2024-03-25T23:23:01+00:00

When she refused to see things from my perspective and compromise. Never wanted to take any accountability and blamed me for the problems in our marriage.

GoHorns1998 · 2024-03-25T22:44:03+00:00

Hmm...if I want to fully honest, when she said before a girls night out on a trip "I love you, I'll call you when we're done'" at 9:30 PM , and then didn't text me until 2:30 PM the next day.

I spent a lot of time in denial, but really, looking back at the utter twisted feeling in my gut as those hours went by, I think I knew.

bk2747 · 2024-03-25T21:59:25+00:00

When she cut off sex

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-03-25T21:06:10+00:00

My marriage died 6 years ago. However, for me, divorce was not an option (for multiple reasons). I never thought my stbx would file (for multiple reasons).

Foolishly, I guess, I woke up each morning with the hope that maybe today would be the day that my wife would remember why she married me, why she had 4 children with me, why a functional family unit is what our children needed more than anything ... I only knew this was no longer a possibility when she said the words "I'm filing for a divorce".

AffectionateFactor84 · 2024-03-25T20:50:50+00:00

fall 2010. we split in June 2011. divorce final June 2012

gorillavstiger · 2024-03-25T20:08:07+00:00

When it felt like I only had a roommate, a very expensive one, and she had no interest in changing that.

awaythrow-8675309 · 2024-03-25T20:05:11+00:00

When I realized she was posting nudes on reddit and chatting with other guys.

rub-positive-8063 · 2024-03-25T19:56:41+00:00

I made a poorly planned attempt at initiating divorce in the 9th year, or as I saw it, “last exit before toll.” I got talked out of it and things improved for a couple years but before long it became even worse. I felt like I was stuck; cheaper to keep ‘er. I turned to daily drinking as a means to tolerate my own misery. I finally found the bottom of the bottle and went to rehab for 39 days and in therapy uncovered and realized resentments that literally went back to my honeymoon. When I got out of rehab, I took ownership of my own shortcomings but also set my expectations on salvaging our marriage. When noting changed in the next month, I filed, decisively. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Best decision of my life.

Is0prene · 2024-03-25T19:44:19+00:00

I was going to try to make it work through anything. Then she reported me to CPS and I discovered she was recording me without my knowledge of it at my worst moments. I knew then it was over. If I wanted to protect any amount of time I was going to have with my kids after divorce I had to get the hell out of there right away.

I never felt one bit of regret. I did everything I could to save the marriage. I sleep very well at night.

cschoonmaker · 2024-03-25T19:01:02+00:00

When she said "I want a divorce".

San_Ra · 2024-03-25T18:00:10+00:00

When she started making decisions that negatively impacted the kids. The rest i could cope with but that was the end

MidniteOG · 2024-03-25T17:06:53+00:00

The morning after our wedding. Instead of wanting to sleep in at the hotel or get a nice breakfast, they wanted to get back to the house to see their family.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2024-03-25T17:05:51+00:00

After discovering multiple affairs she had over our 27 year marriage

Beamformer · 2024-03-25T16:33:08+00:00

When I realized she didn't care what I did or who might come after me while she was rejecting me for extended periods. I realized in hindsight that she wanted me to cheat because she already was.

Genghishahn44 · 2024-03-25T15:54:44+00:00

When she called the cops on me for not getting her a cup of coffee. Even the cops looked annoyed they had to be there

deludedhairspray · 2024-03-25T15:23:34+00:00

Married in June of 2022 after 12 years of being a couple. Best day of my life. Four months later my wife wanted an open relationship to be able to have an intimate relationship with a friend of mine. I didn't want to, but eventually caved in after months of nagging. That was the beginning of the end. We separated in September 2023. It felt absurd to me, but the last year we were together she simply swapped me out for a "friend". I only later heard that it was because I wasn't good enough at this and that, I wasn't open enough, I wasn't loving enough, I wasn't giving good enough hugs and so on. I'm still crushed, but trying to console myself over the fact that it was inevtiable, if she was this driven to offload me.

jimsmythee · 2024-03-25T15:01:23+00:00

It was right after my now exwife's great big DUI crash. This time (yes, there were other great big DUI crashes) the kids were in the car when she crashed. She was going 40mph and just plowed into the back of a pickup truck at a red light.

Kids were all banged up with bruises and black eyes and she told 10 different stories about "This isn't my fault." One story it was the doctor that prescribed her the pills and she fell asleep while driving. Another story was that a truck pulled out in front of her at the last minute. Another story was that truck slammed on their brakes.

Then it was the lies after that. The malicious prosecutor with an axe to grind, going after a good mother.

Dr_Venkman_ · 2024-03-25T14:45:46+00:00

When my stbxw sucked another woman’s va jay jay

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-03-25T14:31:45+00:00

Probably when I told her I don’t need u anymore

ciscokid12345 · 2024-03-25T14:18:26+00:00

I reached over in bed one night to spoon her and she shuddered from my touch. It was an unconscious physical rejection from her body to any intimacy with me.

At the time I thought it was confusing. I didn’t know why but I knew that something had changed. Turns out that was the day she first slept with her soon to be 5 year boyfriend.

He finally dumped her ass last week.

Vipper_of_Vip99 · 2024-03-25T14:05:41+00:00

DDay #2.

Orlando1701 · 2024-03-25T13:59:46+00:00

When she sent out my therpy transcripts to teach me a lesson for buying the wrong color dishwasher. “See he really is crazy.” Shortly there after found out she was skimming the mortgage to go shopping.

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-03-25T13:58:42+00:00

When she got out of bed after we failed to have sex due to her unaddressed menopausal issues and she told me she was not attracted to me on any level

Then when she suggested a roommate marriage in therapy

Then when I found out about her secret work best friend she’d hidden for 4 years. Divorced guy

Finally when she refused to engage about this deception and said she was 100% in favor of divorce

At mediation three weeks ago she said this was all my idea.

Despite everyone in the room (two attorneys financial intermediary and divorce coach) all knowing I’d still try to fix it

NerdyNateTheGreat · 2024-03-25T13:57:42+00:00

I knew it was over when I told her that I was having thoughts of unaliving myself because of how she had left me alone so suddenly. I thought she would see the severity of her actions and we could start a compromise. She doubled down on her behavior and cared even less for me after that. She said I was weak minded.

But hey, I'm still alive! Head up, shoulders back, walking proud even if it is fake.

Beamformer · 2024-03-25T16:33:08+00:00

When I realized she didn't care what I did or who might come after me while she was rejecting me for extended periods. I realized in hindsight that she wanted me to cheat because she already was.

Title	When did you know it was over?
Author	Think_Ad_6351
Upvotes	25
Comments	85
Date	March 25, 2024 1:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bne4jl/when_did_you_know_it_was_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-did-you-know-it-was-over.1513177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513177

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