Q4W: Choice between the two. A guy with three failed relationships behind, or with zero.

Safinated · 2024-04-01T14:56:18+00:00

0 until 30

2-3 after that

EulenWatcher · 2024-04-01T13:32:07+00:00

How and why did the relationships fail?

RosieBarb · 2024-04-01T17:07:19+00:00

I have picked both of these guys. It makes zero difference.

AngeCruelle · 2024-04-01T13:46:36+00:00

My BF didn't even know how to kiss when we met, so go ahead and drop that too. I prefer the zero guy any day.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-04-01T13:14:14+00:00

At the age when I last started dating, a guy with zero committed relationships but not a virgin would be preferable to 3 failed relationships (that was my bf).

I don't really care either way, it's not that important to me how many relationships he had.

Prudent-Conflict-557 · 2024-04-01T13:46:37+00:00

Age is integral. How old are these men?

How old am I?

enfantrebelle · 2024-04-01T14:36:00+00:00

Well I picked the guy with zero relationships and next to no sex experience at 31 when I was 22 and we've been together for 2 years now. It has worked out pretty well all things considered, obviously with some adaptation on his part (it was hard to go from never having had a girlfriend to living with her).

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-04-01T17:20:28+00:00

Depends on what you mean by "failed relationships". A relationship being over doesn't mean it "failed". If it was what the person needed at the time, and valid happenstance means the two simply cannot be together anymore, that's fine.

Regarding the other one, you responded to someone else his loneliness is due to him being shy, boring, and sober. If he is an option for me, that would imply that he is at least open to someone who isn't those things (well, I'm shy and socially sober, but I'm a kinkster- if he wouldn't turn me down for that- regardless of if he wants to participate- then he isn't what I would describe as "boring").

So, if I was aware the guys were interested in me in some way, neither would be disqualified based on the information you provided alone.

GlitterAndFireballs · 2024-04-01T14:40:22+00:00

Why hasn’t he been in relationships before?

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-04-01T16:12:15+00:00

If I have to choose it will come down to why the relationships failed and why one hasn't had any relationships.

Old_Luck285 · 2024-04-01T18:03:01+00:00

Doesn't really matter. There are so many criteria that are far more important that it doesn't really matter.

All things being equal, I (34) would pick the slightly experienced guy, assuming he's of a similar age. People learn by trial and error what they're looking for and it's absolutely preferable to have a partner who knows what they want.

Virgin guy is probably religious with a family focus (which I'm not) or would tend to put me on a pedestal which I'd equally reject. I want to be liked or disliked for who I am, not be adored as an projection.

GoldenHornyChicken · 2024-04-01T19:09:53+00:00

I don't really care. But the thing is I'm 32 and a mother. If I was ever single again I would like to have a boyfriend who is able to relate to my experience life and understand it at a deep level. So probably someone who's been married and have children too.

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-04-01T21:36:50+00:00

Three marriages and three divorces? Absolutely no go at any age, I take n =0

A puppy love in high, a college girlfriend and one truly adult relationship that didn’t pan out, dude is now 35? I’d take him over n=0, provided there was no cheating in the last two.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-01T14:22:52+00:00

Zero easily. Number one has three red flags, number two has none. And yes, matches up to who I'm dating.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2024-04-01T18:21:32+00:00

I'd probably go with the guy with no past relationships. So long as they have good communication then any lack of experience (sexual or otherwise) can be worked through.

Age would play a bit of a role. If someone is 45 and has never had a relationship then I would wonder why. Was it their choice? Circumstance? It wouldn't automatically put me off but I'd need to know more before I committed to them.

ezbyte · 2024-04-01T14:23:30+00:00

I’ve been in this situation before. Pick the guy with 3 failed relationships, as long as he’s 30+. There’s a reason the other guy has no relationship experience, and you don’t want to be on the tail end of figuring that out.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-04-01T14:57:48+00:00

What is a failed relationship?

I dated a guy in high school for 2 years and we broke up because we were going to college on opposite sides of the country.

I dated a guy in college for 2.5 years and we broke up because he wanted to move back to NY and I got a job in Cali

I dated one guy in Cali for 2 years and we broke up because he was ready for marriage and babies, and I wasn’t

I dated a different guy in Cali for 2 years and we broke up because I got into medical school on the east coast and he didn’t want to leave Cali

I don’t consider any of these “failed relationships”. Relationships aren’t failures just cuz they end. Almost all romantic relationships end. I’d still rather take the guy who’s had the opportunity to navigate relationship struggles than the one who has had none. Especially cuz, based on the odds, the relationship with the 0 experience guy will also end

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-01T16:07:35+00:00

Why'd the relationships fail is really what matters here.

If they failed due to cheating, opening the relationship, abuse, or him realizing he's not ready for a relationship, I'll take the zero relationship experience guy.

Otherwise, three relationships really isn't that much. So I'll take that dude.

Loose-Kiwi-1999 · 2024-04-02T05:23:28+00:00

Why did the relationships fail and why is the other one still a virgin? What do they act like?

Proud_Estate_1932 · 2024-04-02T17:14:00+00:00

Romance is obviously a big part, and you truly can’t help who you like.

I think that it depends on the girl. For a girl who is just getting into her first relationship getting with someone with a bit more experience can be very healthy.

One thing I would never recommend is two people with no experience dating. Communication will be rocky and boundaries are hard to find. Being with someone who can help hold your hand can be very healthy and helpful for a successful relationship,

Personally, I prefer someone who has experience with relationships just because expectations can be easier to define.

This is not a question of which is better because neither is better. Failed relationships happen and it’s also okay to have never experienced a relationship.

apresonly · 2024-04-02T22:27:56+00:00

depends why the relationships failed

if his exes are "crazy"? def the other guy

YaKnowEstacado · 2024-04-01T13:56:55+00:00

Three.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-04-01T15:16:10+00:00

i dont accept the framing "failed" relationship, but obviously the three-relationship guy assuming we arent teenagers

zero experience guy and three relationship guy cant be the same after a certain age, because zero relationship guy has something wrong with him

Sadsad0088 · 2024-04-01T15:57:10+00:00

I’ve had several failed relationships, and most people who aren’t with the first person they’ve been with have failed relationships in their past, so I’d go for the guy with more experience

GridReXX · 2024-04-01T18:00:51+00:00

What does "failed relationships" mean to you?

Two people realizing they want different things in life or have very different personalities is different than "I cheated on her all the time" or "I treated her like shit."

If it's the former, then 30+ women are going to go for the guy who had relationships.

If it's the latter, I'd go for the guy with no relationship experience. Rather a newb than a serial cheater or prick.

RedWoodWomanRose · 2024-04-01T13:28:36+00:00

A virgin is a MAJOR turn off.

Truthfully, it would also depend on his age. Three relationships by 32? That's a fairly low number. It would be a warning sign, for sure.

Honestly, this feels like choosing between the virgin and the basically a virgin.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-04-01T13:11:16+00:00

The more experienced man because I assume the man with no experience either has religious or cultural inhibitions or that he simply isn’t great with interpersonal relationships.

And no one considers relationships that didn’t work out “failed”, people grow and change. The most weight I’d ever give to that guy is “for some reason he wants me to know he’s had three girlfriends”.

I had five or six “failed” relationships before 8th grade, though only one kiss at a dance. See how silly that sounds?

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-04-01T14:09:38+00:00

One can be the main and the other can be back up but it depends on what they offer.

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Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-04-01T15:14:13+00:00

Hypotheticaly if everything else is identical I would prefer zero but obviously it's not real situation and in reality it would depend on that specific person, chemistry between us...

Or if it's the same guy I would prefer to meet him before any other relationships and be his first and only rather than after failed relationships.

Title	Q4W: Choice between the two. A guy with three failed relationships behind, or with zero.
Author	abaxeron
Upvotes	14
Comments	203
Date	April 1, 2024 1:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bt39k0/q4w_choice_between_the_two_a_guy_with_three/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-choice-between-the-two-a-guy-with-three-failed.1513715 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513715

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