Who here doesn’t want kids?

ComfortableJeans · 2024-08-07T00:47:38+00:00

I'm 30, and I just don't enjoy life.

Without getting into everything, it's a constant fight. Tooth and fucking nail constantly. Between health and financial issues, I'm likely never going to own a home, and that leaves me so stunted that I can't really see the point in even taking the time to imagine having a life where I'd be happy enough myself to believe I could provide a happy life for a child.

Every penny I had went to saving my parents with bills they couldn't handle, every minute spare I had went to doing charity work with animals and doing construction for disabled kids. I fucked large portions of my life up, trying to save other people and animals pain because I was such a pussy, I just couldn't ignore it.

I spent the last three weeks destroying my sleeping patern so I can spend all night going around the alleyways behind where I live, looking for a cat with an open wound on it's neck so I can catch it, get it to the vets and rehome it. It's 4AM now. I've been up all night rechecking spots where I leave food.

If I were more of the selfish, cut throat bastard I could have been, I might have been able to scramble out of this fucking hole.

When I think about it, the only answer I can muster is "Why would I do that to someone I love?". If they live, they might have to live like I have.

I don't know if I'm a unique failure these days, but I just don't see someone like me having a life where having children wouldn't be cruel.

A big part of it is that I'm too fucking soft. Not in a wholesome, cutesy r/cuteanimals way. In a way that's left me too pussy to build a life. Even if my insides weren't trying to become my outsides. This isn't a good way to be.

I'm sure having a family would be lovely, but it feels so far out of reach that I don't even think about it. I'd need a different life and to be a different person.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-08-07T02:52:14+00:00

I constantly ask myself why I was born into the life I currently live and I don't want a single chance my kids experience the same.

proffessorCouch · 2024-08-07T00:54:09+00:00

Having kids would be a pure nightmare scenario. Work my butt to death at work to pay for them only to come home and work my butt to death looking after them, and repeat. No thanks!

stats135 · 2024-08-07T01:25:38+00:00

I actively dread the idea of having kids in my life.

I quite like the idea of having a progeny to pass on the family name and genetics, but I don't see a child in and of itself in my life as a good.

MikeArrow · 2024-08-07T02:25:48+00:00

I'd only want kids under pretty specific circumstances that are unlikely to ever come up in reality.

1) I'd want to own my own home and be well on my way to paying it off.

2) I'd want to have a steady career with growth potential, not just a contract job.

3) I'd want to be with someone in a committed relationship for at least a few years if not more. That relationship would need to be rock solid in every aspect.

4) I'd want to be in my mid-late 20's, not in my mid-30's.

None of those conditions are currently met or are likely to be met in the future, so... yeah.

63daddy · 2024-08-07T00:38:39+00:00

When I was young, I thought I’d have kids, just because that’s the expectation.

What’s worked well for me is to date, but not marry and not have kids. I enjoy dating, but when things go south, I glad there’s no messy divorce, no alimony, no giving my hard earned money to someone else, etc. I’ve really come to enjoy dating someone, but also really enjoying the freedom between relationships.

Looking back, I have absolutely no regrets about not marrying and not having kids. That said, I think it’s something everyone has to figure out for themselves.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2024-08-07T04:55:17+00:00

I dont want kid because there are allready A LOT of mental dissorders in my family, I dont want to deal with that from a kid too.

Neither would I want someone with kids as a partner, at some point you will be expected to step up and help raising that child, and that would rob me of my time and money.

Without the desire for kids, the main objective most people has when searching for a partner dissapears, so, I dont put effort in finding one. Last time I invited a woman for diner was a year and a half ago.

I do enjoy my free time doing things I like, when I like, without having to give anyone an explanation of what I do with my time and money.

DPHAngel · 2024-08-07T03:12:17+00:00

I’m simply not interested in having kids so for their own sake it would be best for me not to + it’s expensive asl.

flakybottom · 2024-08-07T00:48:10+00:00

Passing on my genetics would be unimaginably cruel.

Enflamed-Pancake · 2024-08-07T00:50:21+00:00

The question of kids is a bit of a joke to me because I haven’t met anyone who would be interesting in procreating with me anyway. But I don’t think I’d want kids anyway. I believe would make a poor parent and I’m not convinced that life is universally affirmable.

gntlbastard · 2024-08-07T16:20:16+00:00

In my late 40's and I got a vasectomy at 30. Never wanted kids, will never want kids.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-08-07T07:00:23+00:00

I’ve always been ambivalent about it, but whilst I’m not an antinatalist per say, I do think that having children is inherently selfish - e.g. the reason another human being exists is simply to satiate your ego, and every negative emotion they experience and every bad thing that happens to them is ultimately reported in that because they only exist because of you. Too many people alone have children simply to be props/accessories, to fold some void in their life or paper over the cracks in a failing relationship, creating fucked up damaged people in the process.

Additionally, people who have children generally turn into toxic, entitled arseholes who thinks the world should revolve around them simply because they popped out a few crotch goblins and I have no desire to become one of them.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-08-07T02:53:32+00:00

I'm 38 and have never actively wanted kids.

I'm not completely opposed, either. I don't dislike children. I have a niece I'm very close with and she's great. But im also grateful i dont have to live the life of a parent 24/7. Her parents reshaped their whole lives to be good at this one thing—and they are very good parents indeed. But I don't want what they wanted.

guppyhunter7777 · 2024-08-07T14:27:55+00:00

ME! I don't want kids. I'm 50 they are 18 and 19. Cant wait for them to move out. Is that what you meant?

Barely-moral · 2024-08-07T00:33:37+00:00

Male. Mid 30s

I am not interested in marriage because the law creates a perverse incentive structure that rewards leaving the relationship over fixing it.

I am not interested in having children because due to my condition I am not sure I would be able to love them so I am not playing dice with something that important.

I still don't "enjoy life as it comes". I want a specific kind of life and that requires me to become and remain attractive enough to attract and keep the best partner for the life I want.

Coloursoft · 2024-08-07T03:53:39+00:00

Kids are annoying, yo. Apparently my outlook on procreating is a waste because I'd "make such a good dad" as if that matters. I'm also a pretty fucking solid marksman but it's not a waste that I don't use my talents to go overseas and kill brown people for no discernible reason, is it?

Agitated_Chard_671 · 2024-08-07T01:13:23+00:00

You're asking redditors if they want kids lol. You already know the answer my guy

krackedy · 2024-08-07T00:55:24+00:00

I never wanted kids.

Then my girlfriend (now wife) got accidentally pregnant.

Now we have 3. I'm so glad that accident happened.

The_Furtive_Fireball · 2024-08-07T01:12:43+00:00

I been chillin'.

I decided when I was a teenager (40s now) that kids weren't for me, but I did want a life-partner. Being a romantic who didn't want to get my heart broken and dumped when I was madly in love (former-idiot), I selected for women who said they didn't want kids.

Despite this, one of my long term relationships imploded because she decided kids were for her after-all. 5 years in and she drops the bomb.

I've had long and short, committed and casual, and I've learned that the most enjoyable time for me is the period between the first kiss and when she starts asking "what are we?".

Learning about reality has changed what I expect out of life. I like the way women are at the beginning when they're putting their best foot forward and trying to impress me. Once that goes away, so do I.

Tywinlol2 · 2024-08-07T04:12:24+00:00

If I lived in society that appreciated men and their contributions, if I lived in society in which my children couldn't be weaponized against me, if I lived in society in which I wasn't seen as a utility for both my potential family and again society, I would be open to having kids and be even willing to give in to my desire to have them. But I live in America so vasectomy it is.

danielbasin · 2024-08-07T06:33:03+00:00

30 M

I will like to have kids because I am nihilist realist that see's life about passing on your genetics, via mechanism of evolution creating human personality and cogntion.

All the negative comments proves my point about frequency dependent population growth and decline. When resources are abundant, populations tend to stabilize or rapidly increase, net positive .. sorta like entropy if you deeply think about it. Thermodynamics.

When organism are stressed, they tend to conserve energy by becoming more selfish, which is can either lead to fast erratic reproduction or stagnant reproduction. Like plants growing in poor soil producing negligible amount of fruit. We are seeing this on grand scale of civilization.

Swordfromthecement · 2024-08-08T01:05:43+00:00

Seeing as I hate working and would like to retire before I’m 40, I don’t want kids.

I’ll probably get roped into it by my future wife but it makes no sense to me. I’d rather spend that money and time on myself instead of doing a half-assed job of being a parent.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-08-07T01:21:37+00:00

I want kids, but only if I can provide them with good genetics. My plan is to pay some agreeable 135 IQ 6 foot tall gigastacy to donate her eggs and then use IVF and a surrogate mother to have the baby.

I will raise the kid(s) on my own as a single dad.

EyeAmDaInvestigator · 2024-08-07T02:17:12+00:00

Kids are easy to raise and deal with. It's not a factor of wanting kids. It's a factor of there's no way to build a life in which you can get a woman pregnant and raise the kids.

Alfred-Adler · 2024-09-06T02:06:37+00:00

[Raising my hand] Here, old(er) Redditor, happily married, and happily kids-free.

AutoModerator · 2024-08-07T00:14:12+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-08-07T11:00:56+00:00

I most likely will not have kids.

What kind of father would bring kids into the world with a person who cant even be tolerable long term let alone liked? I would need a partner worth being a mother for it.

I dont expect to find a unicorn in life so its a no for kids for me

lastoflast67 · 2024-08-07T12:58:58+00:00

gopher_glitz · 2024-08-08T13:18:36+00:00

Don't have kids, probably won't, don't desire them.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-08-07T01:34:19+00:00

I feel pretty hopeless about having kids with an American woman. I may consider it for a more traditionally feminine woman from another country but as it stands, I don't want kids.

uccelloverde · 2024-08-07T00:44:35+00:00

I don’t want kids. I’m single and mostly career focused, but I try to get my needs for connection met with friends and family.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-08-07T00:21:12+00:00

Im on the fence tbf.

I can see myself having kids but like, in 15-20 years to the future, definitely not now or the next 5-10 years lol. And that's an if

So its litterallly a non issue for me. Its just not in the picture.

Icarus367 · 2024-08-07T00:46:48+00:00

Hell, I have a kid, and I don't want any kids.

(JK!)

The_Furtive_Fireball · 2024-08-07T01:01:11+00:00

I been chillin'.

I decided when I was a teenager that kids weren't for me, but I did want a life-partner. Not wanting to get my heart broken and dumped when I was madly in love (idiot), I selected for women who said they didn't want kids.

Despite this, one of my long term relationships imploded because she decided kids were for her after-all.

I've had long and short, committed and casual, and I've learned that the most enjoyable time for me is the period between the first kiss and when she starts asking "what are we?".

kongeriket · 2024-08-07T01:02:34+00:00

Women don’t want this

Err... it's a lot more complicated than that.

Of the childless men, 57% want children. Of the childless women 45% want children. The difference in "unsure" (read: persuadable) is 4 percentage points. So says Pew. But there are legitimate doubts about the accuracy of those numbers. Social pressure being one of them (granted, it may work in both directions).

I was curious to see some non-Anglo places - especially given that it's very hard to find data in English from the other end (people who no longer can have children and how they think about this). So I found this little gem from Sweden:

39 percent of women under the age of 50 and 44 percent of men state that they want to have children in the future. The desire to have children is most common among people under 30 and decreases with age. 16 percent of women aged 30–74 and 11 percent of men have experienced involuntary childlessness.

What this seems to suggest that there's a quantitative difference between stated preferences (what people say they want) and revealed preferences (what people actually do).

So while men say they want children more than women, what ends up happening is more men going on and fulfilling that preference while more women ending up later on regretting not having had children.

The phenomenon of both women and men waiting longer (a consequence of prolonged adolescence) seems to be consistent across Europe too - East and West. Here's from Hungary:

The shift in the age of childbearing was particularly significant until the early 2010s, after which it slowed down and then barely changed. Between 1990 and 2010, the average age of mothers at the time of their first child increased by more than 5.2 years, and between 2011 and 2018 by only about 0.4 years. This means that the decline in fertility and the postponement of childbearing age took place in parallel, and there may be a close, even cause-and-effect relationship between the two phenomena. The increase in fertility since 2011, on the other hand, has only moderately increased, and even decreased the average age of women at the birth of their first child for a few years.

As a result of all these changes, the age profile of childbearing has changed significantly.

The most spectacular decline occurred among women in their early 20s, who previously had the most children, their fertility has fallen to less than a third since the regime change.

There was also a significant decrease of 1/3 among women aged 25–29.

At the same time, the fertility of women aged 30-34 doubled and almost tripled among women in the second half of their 30s.

The modal age for having children rose from 24 to 30, and the shape of the curve shifted to the right.

Overall, the birth rate of women under the age of 30 decreased more than the fertility of older women increased, so the area under the curve and the overall level of fertility also decreased.

TL;DR: It's not that women don't want children. The actual difference in revealed preferences is in fact pretty balanced.

What changed is that women's stated preferences have begun to run contrary to biological reality. And very few are willing to even try to have that conversation. Very few are warning young women these days about the trade offs of their chosen lifestyles in their 20s. Sometimes their choices work out great for them - but when they don't, there is a hard limit to what can be done about it.

As for your question, I have a son and still want a second child.

I've spun plates and liked the single and hedonistic lifestyle too. If I could relieve my life, I wouldn't do much differently. I'd still want children.

Title	Who here doesn’t want kids?
Author	ModsDontRespond
Upvotes	37
Comments	143
Date	August 7, 2024 12:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1elxnjw/who_here_doesnt_want_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-here-doesnt-want-kids.1526554 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526554

Comments