Sexual inclusivity and sex being a solution to sexlessness is not THAT big of a far-fetched idea.

ComfortableJeans · 2025-10-20T12:03:30+00:00

While I haven't taken part in any orgies and sex clubs myself, really not my thing, I did used to know a boy who did security in a few of these places, and knew a boy who attempted to get into one.

And they aren't these big love rooms where anyone is welcome so long as they bring a party bag of candy and a can do attitude.

They have to submit pictures of themselves, show up in person for an interview to talk about themselves, see how they do socially, and see if they're a fit, and then put it up to an anonymous vote. And I'm pretty sure you'd need everyone to okay you getting in.

And on top of that, single men are rarely ever allowed in to swingers clubs. Unless he's coming with a partner, he's getting voted out before he gets in.

You can't just walk in off of the street.

The boy I know was refused entry because they felt as though he had a bad vibe to him. I'm pretty sure they were just picking up on him being on the spectrum. He was normal looking, I guess, other than being slightly short. Like, 5'7-ish

The problem still remains. If they don't want to fuck you, they don't want to fuck you. No one is starting fucking someone they're not into and doesn't arouse them out of a sense of civic duty.

There is no "Yeah, you know, he's kind of shy, and he doesn't look the best, but he's a nice person once you break the walls down, so we're going to let him in and fuck him."

You need to be attractive in order to get in, and, typically men have to be somewhat traditionally attractive in order to be attractive.

There is nowhere where unattractive men are slept with out of kindness... Not in any reliable number, anyway.

A person wants to have sex with you, or they do not.

If girls don't want to fuck a boy out in the world, they won't want him in their sex club.

You're wanted, or you're not.

I don't mean to be a cunt, and I know I'm repeating myself. But it's the most important, and sometimes the only thing that matters in terms of sleeping with a partner.

They must be attracted to you. Non-negotiable.

... Not counting prostitution, I guess.

ta06012022 · 2025-10-20T13:01:40+00:00

There are orgies, swinger clubs, bdsm clubs. There are communities of people who treat sex so incredibly liberally that it's essentially a giant middle finger to thousands of years of human culture

The ancient Romans would like a word with you.

UnpredictableDemise8 · 2025-10-20T12:13:16+00:00

Like I don't think you're actually quite aware what happens at those places. Let me fill you in.

A good chunk of those options you've mentioned are filled with older people who want to spice up their sex life. Basically as some kind of second spring. Expecting a lot of young good looking adults in their 20's or early 30's to walk around there, is quite naive.
Majority of those events cater towards couples, and not single men. Almost none of these places are eager to get more single men interested in them. And similar to normal clubs and bars, they focus heavily on women and female attendance. Not the reverse.
Including orgies is a weird choice. You're that eager to stand next to 15 other naked dudes just for the chance of getting sex?

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-10-20T11:55:00+00:00

There is absolutely no way that there isn't an element of inclusivity at such places.

have you been to one? this is worded as if you haven't

krackedy · 2025-10-20T11:56:36+00:00

Those things but seem inclusive but they're really not. For bdsm/kink anyone is free to pursue it but there's no guarantee someone will be interested. Swinging/sex clubs often just don't allow single men at all, to make women feel safe.

How would you expect things to look differently to allow men to be "healed"?

wtknight · 2025-10-20T12:09:04+00:00

If these kinds of clubs already exist, then why aren’t more of the complaining men taking advantage of them? There has to be more to lack of sexual success than the existence of sex clubs, since sex clubs already do exist.

aslfingerspell · 2025-10-20T13:12:24+00:00

bdsm clubs

BDSM is a subculture, not a counter culture. It has more or less the same beauty standards and social norms as mainstream society. It's just that the people there have more niche sexual interests on top of the usual dynamics and problems.

Seriously, even in femdom (female domination), it's still expected that men ask women out. You would honestly not believe how wildly prudish, traditional, and closed off the kink community can be. Even among the good people, it's not this fun sexy fantasyland where sexual experimention flows like water from the tap.

If anything, part of what ruins BDSM for everyone is that a lot of people think "kinky = casual sex" or "submissive = wants to have any sex act with anyone.", and so spaces get flooded with people whose idea of kink is just "having sex."

This makes actual kinky people even more closed off and hard to find.

mcglothlin · 2025-10-20T20:13:47+00:00

That is a brave, kind of revolutionary thing, in my view. And it baffles me that seemingly I'm the only person on the planet who thinks so.

Is this supposed to be a joke? We literally call the period where this started to change The Sexual Revolution. Have you talked to literally anyone in the poly/swinger/kink space?

These spaces are permissive but they aren't literally collective. Especially as a man you need to establish yourself as someone who is fun and safe to play with if you want to find partners. You're just advocating the typical black pill idea that women should be performing sexual charity for men who aren't getting it. There's a shocking lack of awareness in this sub that most women don't want casual sex because it isn't generally good for them and can be actively unpleasant and even dangerous.

There are women who are very into just providing holes for men to use and there are ways to find gangbangs or glory holes if you really want that but you're offering no incentive for the vast majority of women to essentially perform an unenjoyable service.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-10-20T22:17:31+00:00

Single men are always trying to get sex, which is why they are largely excluded from “sexually inclusive” environments

Women just aren’t as horny as men. There is no hidden well of female lust that is being repressed and unfulfilled

I assure you that if I wanted to fuck a dozen men today, I would do just that. But I don’t

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-10-20T12:26:45+00:00

sex clubs ruthlessly bar single men

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-10-20T15:01:16+00:00

Yes, even at a bdsm club "nobody is entitled to anything", but let's be real: there is a theme there that everyone is there for, and it's sexual.

BDSM is sensual, not inherently sexual. Sex is a type of sensation, but it's not the only sensation. BDSM can involve sex, but doesn't have to.
BDSM, orgies, swingers clubs, etc, all still involve a level of consent and respect. If you walk into any of those clubs and just start grabbing tits without asking first, you will get punched and thrown out immediately.

The problem with "Sexual inclusivity and sex being a solution to sexlessness" is that sex is not just an object you can pick up off the ground. It has to come from someone else's body, consent, and peace of mind. Other parties should not stop two consenting adults from having sex, but it's dangerous to think of sex as just one person "solving" his issue, rather than two people enjoying a time together.

Like, I would be so curious to see if the type of woman who has done gangbangs (which exists) still thinks that sexless men wishing to have easier access to sex is absurd. Who the hell knows?

As someone who has been to orgies (by the way, they are a bit boring) and other such events, this question really depends on what you mean by "sexless men wishing to have easier access to sex". If by that, you mean that he should be allowed to go to a BDSM club, or a party that he is invited to go into, and be allowed to respectfully request sex, following the rules of consent that the event places, then yes, he should be allowed to do that, and in most of the Western world, he is allowed to do that.

The gangbanged girl shouldn't get to demand access to trafficked, prostituted men who don't consent and may be drugged or forced. The gangbanged girl should not feel entitled to the bodies of men who don't consent. A man shouldn't either.

JustMoreSadGirlShit · 2025-10-20T13:59:42+00:00

i haven’t done gang bangs (😔) but i’ve had a few mmf threesomes. i don’t think it’s absurd for sexless men to want easier access to sex. i think it’s absurd for anyone to suggest that male desire should be placed over female autonomy.

BougieHeaux · 2025-10-20T12:10:54+00:00

Yea, this isnt true.

These men cant handle vanilla rejection.

BDSM and Poly rejection happens exponentially more frequently.

So do sex crime charges.

This is not a cure for sexlessness.

Its a cure for someone for wants to be on the sexual offender registry.

Most of these women are married and their husbands are present.

You dont know wtf youre talking about.

You sound like youve never had consistent access to these spaces.

But, again..

Im about to enjoy the collective undoing of The Cult of Single and Undesirable American Males.

Yall really gonna make me affirm that once daily.

Watching yall die so miserably and loudly is becoming one of my very consistent daily joys.

10/10

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-10-20T13:19:46+00:00

Bruh, they documented entire cultures having ogies in both the Roman and Old Testament periods. And back then it was way more common

TankMurdoc · 2025-10-20T12:18:39+00:00

The internet exists. Start your own “sexually inclusive club for shy, sexually inhibited sexless men” and solve your problems.

LeagueInevitable2175 · 2025-10-20T12:09:05+00:00

As someone that’s been to swingers clubs (im a man) this wouldnt solve anything

If a guy is an incel it’s due to lacking social skills, lacking confidence, or being bad at looksmaxxing. It’s usually a combo of the 3. Those issues will still exist in these sexually liberated places because consent is still important. You dont just walk up to a woman and stick it in.

p_fulga · 2025-10-20T11:55:59+00:00

I don't see any issue with people enjoying sex however they wish to. Its not my business and people should be free to enjoy those sorts of things as they wish. If people enjoy swingers clubs or BDSM stuff, that's their choice to make. Its not something I often think to recommend to anyone though. It isn't for most people.

Mean_Investigator491 · 2025-10-20T14:04:35+00:00

Well… I happen to belong to a swingers club… I go with my fiancé about once a month.. I have also been to larger events where an organization rents out an entire hotel and puts on a weekend long party. You are right about some things… the environment is very open and very inclusive… there is a definite vibe of mutual respect where everyone no matter what they look like is accepted and is sexy in their own way. There is an amazing empowerment having sex in a semi public place out in the open and knowing not even one person is judging you negatively. However… in my experience…. These are not typically places for orgies where just anyone can jump on in… there is still an element of connection that takes place and consent is of paramount importance. Single guys do exist in these environments… but single guys with confidence and experience… for the sexually stunted single guys… not sure they would get much play in that environment… for instance the club I belong to.. single men are not allowed into the play areas unless invited there by a woman or a couple

GrassStatusTouched · 2025-10-20T15:35:22+00:00

Some people only enjoy monogamous sex. Honestly, i’d say it’s the majority of people 🤷🏻‍♂️

cb8585b · 2025-10-20T17:03:32+00:00

So I’m reading this (I could be wrong) as not being about bdsm clubs or other sex clubs specifically. They are just an example you’re providing of where this already applies to an extent. Are you saying that culturally there should be a willingness to create a broader societal environment of sexual inclusivity so that sexless men can have sex ? Which is just asking what many men suggest on this sub but in a more fanciful way. How do you pose that would work? “Fuck that incel today, it may be fun for you too” like I’m not quite getting it.

duncan-the-wonderdog · 2025-10-20T20:27:36+00:00

The problem is that many of the sexless men aren't interested in orgies and swingers' clubs because these things all take place in person and being liked in those places would require actual effort from them to be charming, personable, and the ability to deal with rejection.

The reality is that

A. a lot of sexless guys don't want solutions to their problems, they want their asses kissed.

B. They think just want sex, when what they actually want is for someone to fall in love with them

This is why PUA became less popular and why escorts and other sex workers aren't often touted as solutions. Any realistic solution, including ones that involve getting into communities where sex is seen as more liberating, involves some level of social effort and a lot of sexless types do not want to put in any social effort at all.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-10-21T04:06:15+00:00

This is the wrong approach, and at best would have niche utility with very atypical people. A more valid approach is understanding that culture and environment do play strong roles in shaping standards and preferences and attraction. It isn't all biology at all. So it is possible, in theory, to make cultural changes that make the genders more attractive to one another or less picky in certain ways, etc.

You want to make more men legitimately attractive to more women, not try to craft a culture of pity sex that nobody actually wants.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-10-20T13:06:26+00:00

People already hang out in communities where sex is literally in the air, and everyone is just chilling in such an atmosphere. There is absolutely no way that there isn't an element of inclusivity at such places. That's why they exist. It's elevating sexuality into a not-entirely-private matter, where it's shared more collectively and openly. That is a brave, kind of revolutionary thing, in my view. And it baffles me that seemingly I'm the only person on the planet who thinks so.

That "inclusivity" actually comes, somewhat ironically, at the price of exclusivity.

Creeps are asked to leave. People who harass women, creep/leer around, interfere with someone else's activities, etc. are asked to leave.

To say that such mindsets and avenues absolutely could not help sexless men is absurd to me, and if that's because "sexless men" makes folks think of a smelly, obnoxious dude who believes he can put his penis into unlubricated holes without question, then that's a very nuance-less outlook on men who struggle.

The closest thing to something like this that's legal and isn't outright prostitution would be a fetish night. If you're genuinely curious about this, I'd suggest reading up on the "rules" and "FAQs" at one. They aren't "orgies at a club" - any actual sex often happens privately and after, not during. There are a ton of people hanging around and watching, but not really participating (and I was one of these the one time I went to this kind of event with a friend in my 20s). There are lot of ugly people there, and IMO FAR too much LGBTQ (I haven't been in any of these spaces in a LONG time, and I can only imagine that's gotten more prevalent in time, and those should be their own thing IMO), and you're not allowed to say anything about any of that - if approached, you're generally expected to smile and politely decline, unless someone is making you uncomfortable, and then you can seek out event staff.

It doesn't happen often, but people who come in pornbrained and hedonistic are usually the ones being asked to leave. Event organizers did tend to want to interact first through email at least before someone was sold a ticket, or you were a guest of someone they already trusted.

Even within sexualized spaces, some general sort of decorum/protocol/rapport building, whatever you want to call it, must be followed.

Lysa_Bell · 2025-10-20T12:02:06+00:00

Human culture has been very much liberate forever. Just because "normies" are now getting a picture painted for them without being part of that scene doesnt mean it didn't exist before. There was always parts of inclusivity and exclusivity when it comes to sexuality and sexual performativity.

Im confused at why consent is the debate here again? Sexless men could enter liberal spaces but their own insecurities and inhibitors stop them from participating in them. We see that a lot on here. Sexless men participate second hand in liberal spaces by shaming others because of what they experience via online and social media. If they want to partake in it they would have to acknowledge that they want what they condemn in others. They would have to seek it out. They would have to put in effort to become open minded. But that requires effort. And its much easier to participate in something vicariously because you can sit on your high horse and judge others that are an active part of it.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-10-20T13:47:34+00:00

Any decent sex club does not allow single men in.

You think the women at these parties will fuck just anyone?

Only_Excitement6594 · 2025-10-20T12:33:49+00:00

It is misery. Embrace the void

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-10-20T20:47:31+00:00

There are communities of people who treat sex so incredibly liberally that it's essentially a giant middle finger to thousands of years of human culture

We didn’t invent orgies or open attitudes toward sex, those were around long before Puritanism made sex shameful. That was the real middle finger to human history.

SexCrispies · 2025-10-20T12:37:04+00:00

Sexual inhibitions and shyness could be helped by caring, compassionate, open-minded people.

But why? I am there for my enjoyment, not to help a random guy overcome his inhibitions. I already do that within my social circle. When i go to sex parties, i am there to enjoy myself. Now, you could say that i am not caring, compassionate or open minded. I am, just for a limited circle of people, not extending that to just about anyone, and independend of how wide the gap between current status and goal status is.

Unsuccessful men do not need help while being on sex parties/clubs/orgies. They need help in general. Do you think incels get invited to sex parties/orgies, or have the confidence to go to a bdsm club and then approach someone and voice their interest in help and having sex? You think the men who struggle are not mostly severely socially stunted or neurodivergent, making people be creeped out, rather than open to help someone.

YOu are expecting psychotherapy and self-sacrifice from random people for random people. Instead, advise men who struggle to build social networks, friendships and create opportunities for their confidence to increase, until they do not need people in sex clubs to be their sponsors.

Nobody can look at this demographic of men and see sexual stuntedness, and connect that with the possibility of healing through sexual openness. In fact, it's anything but that.

Put numbers on it. What is "this demographic of men" and what is sexual stuntedness? We have data on virginity and we have data on sex frequency. We do not have data on what percentage of men who don't have sex in a given year are also not interested in having sex in that year. Sexual openness doesn't affect that people are not having friends, spend 8 hours on their phones and never learned social skills or are not able to learn them. It's a bandaid, asked for to give freely and without getting anything in return. It's asking people who you think have no requirements to let people into their intimate space, to hand out some freebies, because it doesn't seem to matter for them if it's one more or not. That is not how it works.

WebNew9978 · 2025-10-20T18:54:42+00:00

All of those clubs you mentioned really don’t like when a single man tries to be apart of them. They want other couples or single women to be apart of them but single men are left out.

The simple thing is that if nobody wants to have sex with you, then you’re going to be excluded from having sex. The result of this means some men are just never going to have it no matter how hard they try.

Now with this, one thing that must absolutely stop right now is telling these excluded men how they should feel about being excluded. Or how sex is overrated and not a big deal. Because if sex truly wasn’t, then they would be included.

Popeoath · 2025-10-20T21:14:10+00:00

Sex clubs and the like are for enthusiasts, people otherwise capable of normal intimacy but who simply have a preference for an alternative lifestyle instead.

As you may be able to surmise from the comments here, these communities actively try to bar the type of person (man) who may only be trying to get in because they failed to get laid by other means.

Whether it's sex clubs, house parties, frats/sororities, or dating apps, any environment with easy sex is heavily guarded by elitism.

Kapoue · 2025-10-21T06:15:27+00:00

I like your take in the abstract. Yes some communities can be more inclusive. You'll see overweight balding dom men at munches because they know how to command domination the right way. You also have more queer-friendly communities where people don't need to have a masculine look to be physically attractive. Those places are not the place where virgin, socially awkward men are going to thrive.

I've done some orgies and they can be overwhelming. I can't begin to imagine how they would fare in there!

That being said, there are some sex-positive communities where people don't treat sex like it's the holy grail of human interaction but just something fun you do because why not.

Battle_Butler · 2025-10-20T13:40:48+00:00

I don't understand the point of this. I get that being a virgin can be frustrating, but if you would have the option to go to a setting similar to a swinger club and get "pity-f***ed", would that really fulfill you? I'd say it wouldn't give you much more satisfaction than if you hire a prostitute (the only difference being that you don't have to pay her directly?). Sex is a beautiful thing and it is in our nature to crave it. But think about why it is that we crave it. It can't be just for the sexual relief, because then you'd be completely fine with just porn. I think it is either the emotional connection you get to and from your partner, or the validation. And neither of those things you will get from your concept. I predict that if you could implement your concept and have sex through your proposed mechanism, you'd feel the same void and frustration shortly afterwards

PrecisionHat · 2025-10-20T12:11:56+00:00

Just legalize prostitution.

Tylikcat · 2025-10-20T18:34:56+00:00

I'm seeing a lot of folks argue about what the rules are. The answer is really simple - there are a lot of different clubs and orgs, each with their own culture and charter.

I used to be a member of a sex community center. Most of the events were pretty BDSM focused, which really isn't my thing, so I mostly went to dance night. Not to say I never played there, but mostly not. (There was this sapphic couple who used to do bondage scenes in public there who were so hot, though!)

That particular org didn't screen out single men. It was very queer and trans inclusive. They had an orientation where you learned the rules and got a lot of pointers about asking for consent and taking rejection gracefully. Hell, part of the reason I liked going dancing there was that it was a lot less of a meat market than straight clubs, and I was far less likely to have randos groping me. (The other big reason is that they were no smoking. Eventually, the whole city went no smoking, though. Like I want to do something active around smoke! It was worse when I had long hair - there's that bit where you get home, strip off all your clothes in the laundry room and dump them in the washer, and then immediately take a shower... Worth it for a live band that I really liked, but otherwise, no thank you!)

I didn't hit the big fetish nights very often, they tended to be very crowded and filled with spectators. (Many of whom struck me as tourists, though they all had to go through orientation.)

There were public spaces for dancing (at least on dance night) and BDSM play. There was a room full of beds in back for semi-public sex (and a pile of clean sheets, and you put a sheet on the bed before using it). There were various private rooms and I think themed rooms? (I spent time in a private room on a date once, but never checked out the themed rooms, but I remember talk of one being set up for medical kinks...) There was also a lot of space for socializing and lighter sexual activity.

Strictly limiting the number of single men is more of a swinger community thing. I know that clubs exist that filter for hotness, and do the interview thing - but not much more than that. (The ones I know of are in Europe and on the East Coast.)

Orgy is one of those terms that is poorly defined. I've never been to, nor do I know of any, events where anyone can just have sex with anyone else there. Most folks are more interested in consent than that, and there is some negotiation between the folks involved. (And I'd expect any such event to be invite only.) I have been involved in sexual activities featuring five or more people, which is one of the colloquial definitions. (Threesomes are their own thing, and quads tend to turn into two couples, so the count starts at five.) Fun party games, though they tend to de-emphasize intercourse as such, as intercourse tends to be couple-centric (though there are some configurations with three that work pretty well. A couple of friends and I used to joke that we were going to write a paper on sexual topologies...) The orgies that I've been involved with were definitely invite only.

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Lonely_Cycle4757 · 2025-10-20T14:27:05+00:00

As others have said, it's not as simple as just walking in and getting laid...

But there is more to it than even that.

The same level of attractiveness standards that exist in the street still exists in these clubs. Even if you are capable of getting yourself into one, you are not going to get yourself a reasonably attractive woman if you are not at least a notably attractive guy.

Yes, there are a number of women who are not very discerning, but those are women that most guys would not find sexually appealing. And if all guys were able to get sexual satisfaction from 1s and 2s, there probably wouldn't be an issue with sexless men... but, as we are all hopefully aware, for a guy to have sex, it's not as easy as it is for a woman. A woman just has to spread her legs, which she CAN do for a guy she's not attracted to if she chooses to for whatever reason... a guy has to be able to get it up and keep it up, which is not necessarily something he can do for a woman he finds unattractive, even if he wants to.

Safe_Arrival9487 · 2025-10-21T11:58:35+00:00

No, you are wrong as other have already pointed out. The real solution is to treat ugliness and neurodiversity etc. as a healthcare issue. Will never happen though cuz capitalism.

BillRuddickJrPhd · 2025-10-21T14:08:01+00:00

This is like someone who can't even swim wondering why the locals won't let him surf their beach.

Avast_Lion · 2025-10-21T15:50:09+00:00

As a woman who has not done gangbangs specifically but is in the BDSM scene and has gone to sex clubs, I think that free love environments like BDSM clubs etc can be and are definitely healing to sexually stunted men. The club I go to requires an RSVP via fetlife and to see your ID, but they don’t turn people away based on appearance or gender ratio or whatever (for some events. Some are more exclusive). This means that strange and/or funny-looking and/or older people are often at events as well as attractive young people. Like, men who want to be in a sexually free environment literally can choose to go. Hooray!

So like…what are you suggesting, here? You can’t make men join the BDSM community, go to events etc. You can just let them. While I agree with most of your post, I don’t agree with the idea that “you do you as long as everyone consents” has neutered sexual liberation. It IS sexual liberation. It’s the foundational principle of sexual liberation and all these free love environments, and it remains radical. A huge number of people think that various types of sex are wrong based not on the principle of consent but on other principles—sex shouldn’t weird or gross me out; “degeneracy;”gender roles; church doctrine etc. Those people do not want to go to sex clubs, or sex clubs where they let anybody in. And that’s fine.

(Also, some people don’t live in places where there IS a kink community. That’s a shame, but it’s nobody’s fault.)

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-10-20T12:49:09+00:00

These clubs already exist dude and young sexless men are invited to join. Consent is what makes these clubs work, everyone who enters knows what to expect snd with whom snd there is always respect for the rules and each other. That’s why all the men who raped that French woman are getting done, they tried to claim it was a kink/fetish, but even if it was, they needed to have discussed that with her first.

I do remember seeing a documentary about these groups, and an older man said they unfortunately always needed to monitor and vet the new males coming into the group because they regularly ignored the consent part and believed they could just come in and rape the younger female group members

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2025-10-20T13:15:40+00:00

If sex is "just fun" and body count doesn't matter women should put their money where their mouth is. We should redefine dating and courtship with something that puts sexual compatibility at the forefront.

Title	Sexual inclusivity and sex being a solution to sexlessness is not THAT big of a far-fetched idea.
Author	FuuraKafu
Upvotes	0
Comments	126
Date	October 20, 2025 11:45 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1obgu03/sexual_inclusivity_and_sex_being_a_solution_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sexual-inclusivity-and-sex-being-a-solution-to.1564542 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564542

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