I feel like most mens' lives are decided as early as middle school

Cool-Mixture-4123 · 2025-10-26T23:48:08+00:00

In middle school the "cute " guys and the early puberty jocks were "popular " IRL the cute ones didn't necessarily age well, and many of the jocks are still living that HS football win lol

Most men and women become a totally different person (ugly duckling to swan, intellectually rounded, find their niche) after leaving the grade school format

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-10-26T14:12:26+00:00

mental pathways forming and mental plasticity declining are a known thing. successful, attractive, well liked people can't really comprehend being the opposite - and they can really crash out when hit with real adversity. if you've talked to incels on here you've seen how resistant they are to thinking they can be anything but a loser

the corollary of this is that you squash inceldom by teaching your kids to be nice to the other 8th graders and form more connections with your community etc instead of letting it fester into maladjusted 25 year olds with little remaining neural plasticity that want to murder suicide you

szclimber · 2025-10-26T15:05:31+00:00

I wouldn't say most. Many men find success in high school and some in college. Generally being successful earlier is better but not everyone is so gifted.

Animecel-2D · 2025-10-26T12:29:23+00:00

I was an outcast back in middle school. Still am now.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-10-26T17:53:48+00:00

We could quibble about the details, but the core assertion is basically true at scale. It's true on many fronts. Most people don't change that much.

Now, this is not that true on an individual level in terms of whether significant change can be made. Whether ones makes such changes, of course, is another matter.

amethyst-ice · 2025-10-26T13:00:54+00:00

I imagine that holds true for men who are particularly unattractive or attractive looks-wise, especially if you include extraversion/introversion into the equation for "attractiveness". Don't think it holds true for men who are just average looking (by that I mean someone who is roughly average height, weight, skin and hair in ok condition, no hideous features). Loads of guys I went to school with who were invisible to women at the time are now married.

Soft-Neat8117 · 2025-10-26T18:26:27+00:00

Yep. I've known since middle school that I'm undesirable to women.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-10-26T22:59:49+00:00

This can happen for sure or it could be a case of them peaking early. I've seen people that got all the attention when younger in high school completely fall off as adults. So their looks can fade over time naturally or though the use of eating bad or substances.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-10-27T04:46:40+00:00

Girls started noticing me in 6th grade. It took me a minute to notice that they weren't giving the same kind of attention to my friends. Biggest bullshit women ever say is claiming that looks don't matter. That's also around the same time I discovered their millions of "icks." I was into nerdy stuff with other guys and sometimes the girls would be like "eww why?" as if they couldn't comprehend why I would be into stuff that ugly boys are also into.

The_WankingBuddha · 2025-10-26T14:00:28+00:00

"decided" in the way that those who are hot will likely stay hot in their early years and get female attention? Yes.

"decided" in the way that it is a permanent state and it will affect other aspects of life in a decisive manner? No.

GridReXX · 2025-10-26T12:25:16+00:00

I guess my question is how is this different from women? There were girls I remember from grade school who got all of the attention and Valentine’s Day candies. It was clear they were going to be who all the dudes wanted to court and spend money on from a young age.

Even still, I don’t think anything was set in stone for anyone.

We all have the capacity to max our potential or fail to meet it. Whatever that potential may be.

But sure, some of us are granted privileges in certain areas. Being born on 3rd base in some areas. And being born in the parking lot in other areas.

Axeml · 2025-10-26T18:31:36+00:00

I would have thought the same until I experienced a late transformation. I was chopped, majorly, in middle school and HS. It wasn’t until I got to college that I started getting laid. I lost some weight, got a decent haircut, and started dressing better.

lightfrisk · 2025-10-27T16:29:33+00:00

I feel like most peoples' lives are decided as early as fertilization and the first trimester of development. Looks matter more than people realize, and most of our "looks" is something we never chose.

Bitter_Process_5735 · 2025-10-28T07:33:06+00:00

Unmarried at 40? He’ll marry after 40 don’t worry. There are plenty of women and most men marry after 30.

AccomplishedDot7092 · 2025-10-26T15:21:11+00:00

I got bullied in elementary school. That stuck with me throughout high school and early adulthood even though I was tall and unbelievably good looking. I thought I was stupid, and I even thought I had a small penis even though it was over 7 inches long. I hit the genetic lottery, but it didn't matter because I was beaten down mentally.

I skipped so many days of school the principal almost reported me to the police for truancy. Eventually I dropped out and got my GED. My decision to drop out of school led to me being homeless, but I had a plan. I wasn't going to let my childhood define my entire life.

There were more struggles, but I ended up getting my software engineering degree cum laude at the age of 25. In that moment I proved everyone who didn't believe in me wrong, including myself.

A year later I ran into someone I met during my homeless days and he became my roommate. I slept with almost 10 girls in one summer. But my confidence was still low, and I lost my hair. It wasn't until my late twenties that I worked on my confidence and started approaching women in public. After that, I quickly realized that I was way better than I previously thought.

So no, your life is not decided in your childhood. It's decided by what you do next.

BougieHeaux · 2025-10-26T13:53:18+00:00

Now THIS!!

I AGREE WITH THIS WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

💛

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-10-26T13:50:18+00:00

There are weird forces at play. People who would be “unsuccessful” in middle school likely aren’t just unattractive. They’re also weird at the same time. Having these two qualities at once certainly invites bullying. I don’t think the unattractive weirdos realize they could be more people’s friends by being less cringey. Changing their personality isn’t something that occurs to them.

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2025-10-26T13:55:59+00:00

What is it with all these posts about things we can’t debate? If that’s your experience then who am I to say it’s not true? Nothing to debate.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-10-26T15:52:14+00:00

I dunno, I think I actually hit my stride in College. I was likable enough in MS/HS but it wasn’t till the Frat that I figured out who I was and what o was about but also how to get that to work with me when it came to pulling

Secret_Worlder1992 · 2025-10-26T20:36:52+00:00

So, everything about you being a chad is obviously false, else you wouldn't be here.

But I agree with overarching point. If anything, you're too optimistic - most men's romantic lives are decided in the first trimester.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-10-26T22:01:31+00:00

There are a lot of people who are too immature and socially awkward to date in middle and high school. Most of my nerdy friends ended up married.

selecadm · 2025-10-27T00:52:29+00:00

I remember girls showing interest in me at age 13 during summer between 7^th and 8^th grade. Back then I freaked out and rejected them brutally. In the Simpsons remember the scene from S13E04 "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love" with Waylon Smithers and strippers? It's used as a meme but incorrectly. He would never have the urge to touch those women, but as a meme it's used as if the strippers tempted him. My situation as a meme.

So yeah, it's decided as early as middle school. And I ruined it.

chocobolamo · 2025-10-27T07:49:20+00:00

It's a way they protect themselves. They refuse to 'see' parts of their reality because to admit that part of their reality would be uncomfortable for them. So they work to protect their sense of self, which is based in a reality that isn't really true.

SeemedGood · 2025-10-27T08:23:30+00:00

I think the determination happens after you’ve come out of puberty, whenever that is.

chobolicious88 · 2025-10-27T11:28:51+00:00

Genes play out totally.

Success doesnt matter as much as genes (and by genes i dont mean just looks)

wtknight · 2025-10-27T14:54:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Fancy-Scallion-6682 · 2025-10-28T19:45:05+00:00

Your life was decided the moment you were concieved. Because your genetics and the socioeconomic status of your parents were set in stone in that very moment.

PMdyouthefix · 2025-10-29T18:02:02+00:00

I believe childhood/puberty nutrition and exercise habits play a large role in determining male attractiveness. A guy that was sedentary and didn't eat enough during puberty is probably not going to end up developing fully masculine features as an adult.

RecentCarob3193 · 2025-10-30T16:15:16+00:00

Your friend’s not wrong. Looks aren’t everything. They DO fade overtime.

Lots of ppl who were ugly in childhood wind up being the most beautiful ppl you’ll meet as an adult.

anewleaf1234 · 2025-10-26T16:40:38+00:00

If you want to continue to think in act in the same ways as you do in middle school you aren't going to change all that much.

That's correct.

Most people don't act the same way they are in middle/high school all their life.

Hot-Law2682 · 2025-10-26T13:38:03+00:00

I'm sorry you feel that way

2025-10-26T17:41:34+00:00

I had a somewhat novel experience in this area, OP. I was firmly headed down the same path as your friend in middle school in my upper middle class mostly white suburbanite middle school. Turns out Cheerleader Stacy and frustrated Beckies with pretensions of Stacy-dom don't want much to do with the soft shy nerdy bullied kid in the back of the classroom programming games on his TI-83 graphing calculator while Chad Footballer throws spitwads in his general direction.

However, all this changed when my degenerate dysfunctional family moved into the inner city. I was literally the only white kid (I'm mixed race but passing) in the entire premises. For this and no other reason, I received attention from chicks. Raver chicks invited me to raves. A chick I had never talked to slipped her phone number into my text book after I let her "borrow" it. (I assumed this was some kind of clumsy mistake on her part). Finally after I failed to pick up on numerous signals one particularly stubborn and aggressive female specimen basically cornered me in my house and would not let me leave until I made out with her.

4 years together that was, with her. Probably best sexual experiences of my life, we're talking 10 times in one day. Nothing was off the table. But guess what? After she exited the picture, I went back to being celibate for 7 years. Not out of anxiety around women (although there was some of that) but because I learned I'm kinda weirdly demi sexual and cared more about audiobooks, videogames, coding and anime than girls, despite how great sex is.

What I'm getting at is this: perhaps life is decided when your dad's DNA first intertwines itself with your mom's. There's a reason I never became Chad or at least a frustrated would-be Chad to begin with. Some people are just "normaler" than others at birth and better able or more willing to integrate into the hormone-drenched, superficial, gossipy, meat market, vulgar mating dance that modernity offers, and that never really changes in its core nature no matter the age of the participants.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-10-27T01:49:49+00:00

In middle school I was short and chubby. Then I grew a whole foot over the summer and leaned out. Went from a ghost to girls flashing me in public. Most insane experiences ever.

IAMNUMBERBLACK · 2025-10-27T04:44:18+00:00

What a painfully low brow anectdotal tale of how the world works. Your simple experience isn’t true. Tons of ppl I know that were ugly or nothing to look at who are now absolute hotties or great looking people now

Vlad_The_Great_2 · 2025-10-27T14:22:42+00:00

You can always get in better shape. You can always get a better paying job. You can become a more interesting person through your own life experiences. Nothing is set in stone. Some people definitely have it harder or easier than others from birth, but that’s life.

alphachad00 · 2025-10-27T19:30:29+00:00

Imagine thinking there’s nothing more to a man’s life than his history with women.

If relationships with women aren’t exactly a man’s specialty, there are many, many other dimensions to define his life by.

You should rephrase that to specify it as “love life”.

n0rthsea · 2025-10-26T13:59:27+00:00

Disagree. The people who dated a lot of people in middle school were just extraverted for the most part. Face and height only really became relevant in later teenage years

skeezinhookaz · 2025-10-26T16:57:13+00:00

for most part yeah

but u can flip da script....hit da gym....git fit....git little $$$ in yo pocket....n even if u avrage or uggo u can still git laid

i do it n im uggo....n sometimes at da bar ill score a hot chick cuz she drunk

den pump n dump n roll on

Title	I feel like most mens' lives are decided as early as middle school
Author	Evening_Impact_7944
Upvotes	104
Comments	91
Date	October 26, 2025 6:14 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ogda9a/i_feel_like_most_mens_lives_are_decided_as_early/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-feel-like-most-mens-lives-are-decided-as-early.1565044 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565044

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