How does a man "grow on you"?

leosandlattes · 2025-12-23T18:05:04+00:00

Like I already have to find him somewhat cute or at the very least neutral, with some feature that I find very attractive. Like his eyes or smile or eyebrows or something.

It can grow from slight attraction to “this man is so sexy and I want to have sex with him right now.” But it doesn’t really grow from no attraction at all to full attraction.

Lysa_Bell · 2025-12-23T18:35:10+00:00

I can think someone looks ugly or weird and I'm not physically attracted to them. If I keep interacting with them and they show traits and personality I'm attracted to I will start to find certain things I like about their physicality that start to look more attractive to me. Usually smile, eyes, hands etc. The more I see from them the more stuff I discover that I like and am attracted to. From there I usually grow attraction to the whole person.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2025-12-23T19:58:16+00:00

He grows on me because:

I get to know him and find out we have amazing chemistry.

We get to talking and I find out we share similar sexual tastes and he turns me on

We get physical and I find out he is really great at intimacy

After a man has given you many/hundreds of orgasms, of course you are going to feel more attracted to him because you associate him with intense pleasure

Lemon_gecko · 2025-12-23T18:05:20+00:00

That's....not the scale i have, and dare i say women have?

To me looks are not what brings attraction most of the times. And i think all men "grew on me", because for strong attraction i need something else. Some men can just say one phrase and it just will work on me, some need more. It's different with different men.

But they have to be not repulsive, obviously. And again, by that i don't mean just looks, i mean the way he hold himself, how he talks etc. If he repulses me it's game over.

Barneysparky · 2025-12-23T18:52:25+00:00

I just said this in another thread. I can watch a character actor in two shows, finding them attractive in one and not the other.

attendquoi · 2025-12-23T17:57:15+00:00

A guy can't grow on me physically, only in terms of personality.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-23T18:12:32+00:00

He isn't becoming more physically attractive. That doesn't happen. They simply begin to like him and what he's about more so they are more emotionally attracted to him and that allows them to feel lust towards his being, not his physicality.

And I don't recommend it to any woman. You deserve to feel lust towards his physical body too. I've done the maybe this will grow bit several times and it never does.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-12-23T18:20:59+00:00

I have had 1 partner where attraction grew. He had the body I liked but his face wasn't really attractive to me( Asian with a lot of acne, I didnt at the time find Asian men attractive and still don't think acne is attractive) .

His vibes, personality and life was amazing though. Exactly what I liked at the time so loved being with him and around him. I found him very inspirational as a person. Usually I find love/dating inspirational, but for this guy I found him specifically inspirational.

Then u get used to the acne and look past it/ get used to it to c his pretty features ( nice smile, small but pretty eyes, nice lips)

Until I started being attracted to him.

Obsessivethot · 2025-12-23T23:26:14+00:00

I find it so funny that you guys insist there needs to be a “strong physical attraction” first when women will repeatedly tell you otherwise. Of course, everyone wants to be attracted to their partner but it’s not always the first thing that happens. You guys focus on looks first but it doesn’t mean women do. I know many women who married men who they were not initially attracted to.

cb8585b · 2025-12-23T18:15:05+00:00

Physical attraction means “nothing” to me.

By that I mean I can acknowledge someone is conventionally attractive but it doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them. I think a lot of people are like this. So in that way everyone has to “grow on me”.

There’s no lust, no butterflies, no curiosity just “he’s cute” same way I would look at a woman and think she’s pretty.

When I met my boyfriend I thought he was physically attractive right away (I was in a relationship at the time though ) We spoke for quite a while on the day I liked his “vibe”. The more I got to know him over the years before we got together the more I became attracted to him including actually feeling that “butterflies” type crush.

Saying this I’ve never gone from finding someone actually UGLY and becoming attracted to them. But I haven’t dated that much so 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Sonia314 · 2025-12-24T05:34:39+00:00

Physical attraction often grows for me. If I don’t find someone physically attractive at first, I don’t usually put much stock in it (unless he is obese), because if I become attracted to their personality, physical attraction often follows.

FairwayBliss · 2025-12-24T12:57:40+00:00

Does the man need to be atleast somewhat physically attractive?

Height is important to me, I’m 5’5. Men my height or smaller don’t get the chance to grow on me (it’s not that hard to be taller than me).
I do not like overweight people (I’m thin myself). Fat men don’t get the chance to grow on me.
I have a strong skin color preference, so men who do not look like that preference, will not grow on me (for a love relationship, they can grow on me friendship-level wise).

and if you like his personality the physical attraction grows?

Yes, 100%. But it will never change my (strong) preferences, which are non-negotiables.

My husband had to grow on me. It’s mostly his intelligence and his drive in life which made me fall for him (hard!).

iamsojellyofu · 2025-12-23T21:57:58+00:00

Physically? The only time it did was when a guy I found to be below-average looking started to lose weight and take care of his skin. He moved away before anything could happen though but we have been on friendly terms before. Otherwise, I need to find you at least somewhat cute a first glance in order to give it a try.

glowy97 · 2025-12-23T18:12:13+00:00

I’ve never had a guy “grow on me”. I’ve known right away every time if I thought they were attractive and if I’d date or sleep with them or not. I’ve had guys that were super sweet to me but I just wasn’t attracted to them. I’ve also had guys that were super attractive but their personality was trash, so I wasn’t interested. For me to date someone they have to have a cute face, be the right weight for their height, have a “class clown” type of personality, and we have to have chemistry.

januaryphilosopher · 2025-12-23T22:44:10+00:00

Don't you find that as you get to know people and find out they're quite nice actually they start to look better to you? Even if you're not attracted to them this happens. Even if you think they look nice already, this can go from just an acknowledgement of their looks to those looks having another meaning. If you don't notice their looks at all, you can start to notice things in a positive light. Even "flaws" can start to become cute.

toasterchild · 2025-12-23T23:40:18+00:00

Most often his laugh.i mean he can't be physically repulsive, but he can go from neutral to heck yeah with good laugh.

Green_Quiet1717 · 2025-12-24T03:02:15+00:00

On dating apps the only thing you can see and judge by are picture so 1.

But in real life its different, probably 2.

pwnkage · 2025-12-24T04:30:08+00:00

I use the “is he pure of heart or is he rotting within?” System. Any man that has to “prove” himself is already rotting. Goodness should come from the heart, like he should be doing kind deeds even without the possibility of attractive women around.

A man who is consistently good and kind on an authentic genuine level will generally be attractive no matter how he looks. This is someone who is a pillar of the community, helps his family, supports his friends, puts other before him, treats ALL women with respect etc. That man I find instantly attractive no matter what he looks like. But I’ve never met many of these men. My partner is like that, and there was a guy I had a crush on a bit before that. But yeah they’re rare, and often covered in women so not much of a chance. I just got lucky with my partner.

Clueless_Forever · 2025-12-24T13:44:31+00:00

For me personally, attraction is not separated into ”physical attraction” and not physical attraction. There is just attraction period. For this attraction to exist a man needs to meet a baseline level of looks, AND have a certain personality type. The attraction ”grows” when a man (who meets the baseline looks threshold) and I get to know each other and he displays the personality type that I find attractive. Before that happens, there is no attraction. If someone asks, I can tell them whether he is good-looking or not (in the same way I can tell you if a woman is good-looking or not), but his looks themselves do not inspire arousal, therefore I don’t consider it to be
”attraction” (definition: ”a force by which things are pulled towards each other”).

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-12-24T14:28:47+00:00

The more I get to know him, the more I see all sides of him is how he'll grow on me. This will take a considerable amount of time.

He has to be my looksmatch, or maybe somewhat below it. I don't rate myself too highly so this is more than doable. I'm attracted to the vast majority of men, including average and below average ones. For example: I don't mind a chubby or skinnyfat, unathletic guy (given that I am the same).

A man's looks can grow on me, but his personality can't. We better be 100% compatible personality-wise. It also helps if he's sensual and affectionate. That kind of charisma can elevate you to the top of someone's rating scale.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-12-26T12:42:05+00:00

Men dont grow on me. If anything, in my experience, they're the best when they're on their best behavior in the first 3-6 months. It's usually downhill from there. Without a threshold of attraction, there is no relationship for me. Usually the guys I "gave chances" to (meaning I wasn't physically attracted as much as I would have liked to have been) displayed all the same behaviors as men who I was initially attracted to. There is no point in being treated poorly by someone you're not attracted to.

Temporary-Flight-192 · 2025-12-24T00:02:19+00:00

I have an ex who was not especially physically attractive. He was cute enough but I wouldn’t have swiped on him out on a dating site. A mild attraction describes it well. He approached my gay male friend and me one night in a bar, we all started talking and buying beers, and soon enough my friend left the two of us alone. We talked all night, went to breakfast, he walked me home in the daylight and asked me for my number.

We had a similar sense of humor, he made me laugh, he seemed “exotic “ having been raised in Manhattan …we just had chemistry. It’s not only personality, it’s the way he moves, the way he looks at me, and I know this will sound weird, but for me the way he smells. The way he touches my shoulder! In six hours I went from who are you, to being really excited and waiting for him to call.

Even when I was head over heels crazy for him, I still understood at some level he was objectively pretty average physically.

anna_alabama · 2025-12-23T18:12:13+00:00

I was initially very physically attracted to my husband, but I didn’t know anything about him yet so I wasn’t 1000% attracted yet. After I got to know him it solidified my initial attraction. A good and compatible personality has to be there for me to be fully attracted. A guy could never move from the initially unattractive to the attractive category in my case

Title	How does a man "grow on you"?
Author	knowledgeseeker999
Upvotes	29
Comments	96
Date	December 23, 2025 5:55 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1pu0ezo/how_does_a_man_grow_on_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-a-man-grow-on-you.1569519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569519

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