Do women have safe space to have "honest conversations" about attraction?

Antique-Bumblebee295 · 2026-05-17T17:17:53+00:00

I feel like no where online can be considered a “safe space.” If you want to talk about something and receive compassionate, nonjudgmental responses then you are better off talking to family, friends, a therapist, etc. People online will take the most innocuous comment and make it into a big spectacle.

brazenbull09 · 2026-05-17T18:39:49+00:00

That's genuinely just the internet bro...I can give you like 10 subs on this app alone that allow you to do that. And then 10 Twitter accounts, 10 Instagram accounts, and like 100 tiktok accounts with little to no friction.

The internet (social media specifically) is a woman's domain, whatever you think isnt being discussed, is being discussed HEAVILY.

Someone noted something about the existence of women who shame you for having these conversations, and while they definitely do exist, they're like a minority compared to women who want to engage with you. Idk man...you might just not be using the internet enough or in the right way.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-05-17T17:23:30+00:00

If someone wants a “safe space” it will not be found on the internet. I can talk openly one on one irl with certain people.

JollyRoger66689 · 2026-05-17T18:14:28+00:00

Does anyone have that kind of safe space online? I'm sure you can find an echo chamber somewhere

secret_mysteries86 · 2026-05-17T17:24:53+00:00

Honestly wjen it comes to tje romance and submissive dynamics, ive seen very mixed opinions from men and woman on this one. I seen a post today in a friendship group about a woman who told her friends she was in to cnc kink and her friend told her she was wrong and need therapy as must have truma and it disgusting and invalidates woman who have raped and abused. Her boyfriend also got on board and told her she couldn't complain if she ever gets herself into that situation as she was asking for it. There was also a past on woman's sub where she posted about kink and an extreme for of needle play and risk play and woman told her she is allowing an abuser to openly abuse her and thats how men get away with these types of behavoiurs as women like you set a standards and acceptance for them. I disagree with myself and women shluld have safe spaces but some woman can be just as bad as some men are.

Training-Cook3507 · 2026-05-17T16:55:55+00:00

Isn't that what reddit and the general media is? It's dominated by women's perspectives. Everything you write are things we've heard thousands of times. If you're talking about having any random opinion immune to critique.... then yes, you can have that somewhere, but not on the internet.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2026-05-17T16:57:54+00:00

I have a lot of female friends who are 'sex positive' and will openly discuss what they are attracted to and not attracted to. I'm always happy to have those conversations with them, and think it is more helpful than using words/phrases like 'chemistry' or 'the spark wasn't there' etc.

Some of these women are indeed attracted to 'controlled displays of aggression/dominance' and who have a 'strong physical presence' - which is much more about body language, posture, walking style, voice tone (which is entirely different from voice pitch) - which despite being a tall broad shouldered man with a loud voice, is something I will never have, which is why I was filed into the 'fun, friendly best friend' category.

Is it something I'm particularly bothered by? No. My GF doesn't have these requirements, and I have plenty of attractions triggers of my own that many women don't meet. I think having these discussions are a good thing, especially if they help us investigate why we are attracted to what we are attracted to.

Wish808 · 2026-05-17T19:49:35+00:00

It is not possible online because it requires too much risk management.

Men cannot handle honesty from women. Not in the way they claim.

And a few individual men being able to self-regulate will not change what we all broadly understand.

Safety is a prerequisite for honesty. You will not be afforded safety if men are not flattered or centered in your discovery.

Look how well they are handling the discovery that women have eyes and are attracted to conventionally attractive men. It has become a plague on society; that is how badly they spiraled.

Men will simply interject, try to correct you on your own experiences and feelings, and attack you for it. If kept out, they will spend their energy trying to find ways to target you.

They will distort anything you say into something they can exploit. If you like dominance in intimacy, their takeaway is that women love abuse. If you say you are not attracted to most men and only certain things do it for you, now women are shallow Machiavellian creatures whose sexuality is suspect.

It sucks and interferes with a lot of discovery, because women are always forced to center what men want in the discussion.

For absolute candor with safety, it has to be between women offline, like a close group of friends, or maybe a private group chat. Which ..has its pros and cons.

Pro: you're not wasting time managing men's emotions and having to be defensive, the conversation can actually go somewhere. Discovery gets to exist. Con: You lose the stranger who would've told you the thing none of your friends know.

That's the price.

Sidian · 2026-05-17T20:08:32+00:00

(though this sub is a great example of how wildly men crash out about relatively mundane things like being attracted to height),

It shouldn't be too surprising to see people 'crash out' if they're treated like a subhuman for something out of their control. If men collectively decided that any woman over 5 ft 1 was gross and manly and treated them as such, women would begin to understand.

But to answer the question, I don't think so. Women don't like to be honest about this sort of thing because they know it will validate what incels say, and they don't like to admit it to themselves let alone others. Many women continue to spout the nonsense about personality being the most important thing, or looks not mattering much. On this subreddit women have become more honest about this because the men here have become good at showing how untrue that is. The best I have seen on this is Aella the 'sex researcher' who is just completely and utterly open, honest and unapologetic about the things women like such as choking/dominance etc.

toad-wrangler · 2026-05-17T17:14:18+00:00

The closest thing I've found to a safe space to talk openly and honestly about my attraction and sexual insterests is with like, one friend. Anywhere else and it gets twisted and used as ammunition against me somehow.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-05-17T18:47:57+00:00

Not if there’s any men around, sometimes women can be weird about too if they have a different preference. No matter what you say it’ll get twisted into a bad thing or called a lie, and if you get specific, you’re too picky. If you don’t have as high of standards, then men will say you’re lying and women will say you’re settling. So yeah, wouldn’t say there are any “safe spaces,” just perhaps safe people individually.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-05-17T19:34:21+00:00

No. There can be no 'safe space' from the other gender's possible reactions at this level of discussion. But manipulating men about female sexuality isn't working that well anymore, anyways. Honesty, at least at the more academic level, seems like the best policy for everyone at this point.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-05-18T01:13:00+00:00

I find the notion of safe space quite ridiculous. It's human nature to judge. Just write it in a diary or smthg if you're afraid of others judgement.

ThatBitchA · 2026-05-17T17:47:22+00:00

Yes, with their friends in real life.

The internet isn't a safe space. Especially this sub. These weirdos internalize everything said online as a personal attack against them.

kmb218 · 2026-05-17T17:30:03+00:00

I feel like I can freely talk about being attracted to men’s looks, especially among female friends, but also in general. I find that irl, men are not really as baffled by the concept that women want to be attracted to their partners as men here are.

I am not attracted to displays of aggression or dominance, so I cannot comment on that.

TheKindlyPoltergeist · 2026-05-17T19:40:35+00:00

It's an IQ/EQ problem. Online there are lot of people just not smart enough to understand nuance so they jump to radical interpretations and then get their egos hurt by imaginary POV's.

PlantRake · 2026-05-17T20:45:28+00:00

A 2025 academic survey found ~22.6% agreed the 19th Amendment should be repealed (28% of men, 18% of women).

It isn’t just men and it isn’t because of what women decide to find attractive. People have become aware of the arguments the anti-suffragettes used which are being recycled. Probably a response to feminism going too far.

Also I would consider the internet a safe space it’s just not an echo chamber which there are plenty of those on reddit.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-05-17T21:20:13+00:00

A “safe space” can’t come from a publicly open thread online, that’s like asking for a place to change your clothes while on the stage of a theater.

As for why it may seem disproportionate for the amount of men upset is because ultimately, unlike the other way around, women’s collective breadth of attraction excludes men, obviously resulting in the grief of realizing you will be left out.

rejected-again · 2026-05-17T21:30:47+00:00

"Can women trust if they talk about how dominance and controlled displays of aggression turn them on, that men won't run with that and insist "women love violence and being abused?""

You often can't get one without the other. You want aggression without him turning that on you? That's delusion.

Ohnoes_in_distress · 2026-05-17T23:47:51+00:00

It seems a bit like putting the cart before the horse to me. The safe space should come first to allow room for honesty.

Strangely it doesn't work this way for blue pillers and the mainstream when it comes to men showing emotions and generally being vulnerable or suffering. Men are frequently told they need to show their vulnerable side etc, but ignored is the fact how they are treated when they do after having believed this message. Spoiler alert, usually it turns out from poorly to catastrophic.

It's a prisoner's dilemma for men.

Anyway.

The word you are looking for is not "honesty" but "accountability". Using your examples, if women admit how few men arouse them based on appearance alone, then they should also stop dating for resource extraction reasons alone - from free dinners, through sugar babies, marrying and/or divorcing for money, to general life and emotional stability provided by a man reliable, kind and supportive, albeit visually unattractive to them.

If women admit they don't want to mother children, they should partake in military draft on precisely the same rules as men and use precisely the same retirement age as men (in countries where it's different).

And so on.

Proudvow · 2026-05-18T04:41:23+00:00

This is like asking if men can trust women to not find them gross if they're fully honest about their sexual preferences.

Realistically, no.

men crash out about relatively mundane things like being attracted to height

Women crash out over men selecting based off of weight and lifestyle when those are literally personal choices instead of things decided at birth. There's no way it's a "mundane" issue by those standards.

Anyway a lot of the crashing out is over the gaslighting about the issue.

Can women trust if they talk about how dominance and controlled displays of aggression turn them on, that men won't run with that and insist "women love violence and being abused?"

Probably not.

But men are doing that anyway without women admitting it. What's the difference?

And use that as rationalization why "women deserve it" if a man chooses to be abusive to her?

Well it's a thin line, sometimes dudes will make mistakes trying to be dominant/aggressive and cross over into abusiveness.

Can women trust if they talk frankly about how few men viscerally arouse them based on appearance alone, that men won't start raging about how we should lose the right to vote (an actual example from this sub)?

Unfortunately, probably not.

Men are problem solvers. If they see "women are not often primarily physically attracted to a man" they'll look at what other things are attractive to women. If they then see the other thing is "dominance and aggression bro" but they're not comfortable with that behavior, since they were raised to be kind and gentle to women, well that's out too. So now what? They'll see hypergamy theories about women liking money and status... But in big 2026 young men aren't better off than young women in these fields.

So with every individual solution shot, the only solution seems to be a societal level change of some kind. Maybe not as extreme as depriving women of basic rights men have (ex. voting), but there are changes that could be made that technically keep rights gender neutral but would still not be very favorable to women.

But obviously these changes would be cruel. So the hope is that with more honest dialogue actual positive solutions to the declining partnership rates could be brainstormed instead.

The dialogue is wholly aggressive right now since many women are not even affording men basic honesty on these subjects. But if there was collaboration it's a lot harder to be rude to an honest ally.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-17T17:28:19+00:00

Here's my thoughts on some incorrect presuppositions you may have:

Most women don't really think about sex in the same way that men do. So if a woman starts dating a dominant dude who knows how to get her into her "submissive" space, she'll typically respond by loving it, imagining that she's always loved it, and going with the flow. Men on the other hand discover something that they like (Cars, DnD, Sex, Airplanes, Pokemon cards) and build a portion of their life about it. They post in forms, attend conventions, start a YT channel, etc. I'm not saying that women DON'T do this, but I am saying it's far more common in men.
Most women who find themselves "into" kink type stuff are into it solely because they're with a man who has enlightened them. If they break up with that guy and find another guy who is vanilla, then that chapter in their life is closed (usually).
Typically when women get "into" niche things without the assistance of a romantic partner, it's things like animals, art, feminism, or a career.

Side note: A good analogy (for me anyways) would be country music. I'm a musician and I love rock, pop, EDM, mostly mainstream stuff. I dated a girl years ago who loved country music. It's not my thing, but I listened to it with her and started to like mainstream country artists. I went to a Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan concert with her and absolutely loved it. Amazing musicians, great riffs/fills, and showmanship. I was just as into it as all the country people there, but when we broke up.. I stopped listening to country. Still not my thing.

So basically when a woman may have a need/desire for a "safe space" to talk about kinky stuff, it's already provided to her by her romantic partner or his circle of friends/connections.

OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS but they are small enough exceptions that very few "safe spaces" for women to talk about this are needed or exist.

And of course there' the other factor that when these places exist, they're invaded by dudes tryina smash or pretending to be women. So there's that too.

Hope that helps.

gtbreddit1 · 2026-05-17T18:03:43+00:00

Do you live under a rock? Women have myriad spaces exclusive to women where they can talk about that stuff without being judged.

If your question is, are women able to talk anywhere and everywhere about those things without ever experiencing a man judging them for it? No. Of course not. Nor do they need to in order to qualify as having safe spaces.

Men don't have that either. In fact men are judged far harsher for expressing their sexuality than women are.

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DavidHydePenis · 2026-05-17T18:03:53+00:00

Because the domain of social life is online now we really just dont have privacy, even the privacy of discord servers and stuff is kinda illusory. So now we just see what should be private gossip between trusted people all the time from people all over the world. It shouldn’t be surprising that other people take it personally, all this is so unnatural.

And the thing people don’t get is that stuff we write on here isn’t the way we ‘truly’ feel just because there’s no polite society to mediate it. Most of us would dial it down if all this shit had to come out of our mouths with strangers or even friends we default to respecting, but that also defines who we are as much as anything said online.

growframe · 2026-05-17T18:17:44+00:00

To start off, is "with other women" not a suitable safe space? Women have been discussing between each other what they like and don't like in a healthy, safe way for decades.

Can women trust if they talk about how dominance and controlled displays of aggression turn them on, that men won't run with that and insist "women love violence and being abused?"

"Men" is very broad. I don't think women can trust that no man whatsoever will ever misinterpret their words.

A safe space does not mean that everyone you talk to will give you the response you want. It's a very specific and constructed circle.

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-05-18T08:42:28+00:00

Yep my hairdresser. I can tell that woman anything, she's a sweetheart.

chobolicious88 · 2026-05-18T11:57:44+00:00

Thing is, with privilege comes accountability.

Women want the privilege of reverting to woman factory settings without societal accountability of being treated like a core of what a woman is.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-05-19T00:40:55+00:00

Most women when I was still he/him. Women are critically under educated on sex, and I could describe the menstrual cycle at 10. May sound insane but when I told a guy off for "bleeds for 7 days" and then spent the hour explaining reproduction (freshman year). Two girls actually thanked me because they only knew it sucked and they need a pad but no clue what was actually happening.

Still yes there are places were women talk about these things it but due to my presenting as male at that time it was a different view. In my late 20s/30s and the women I worked with recognized I was basically a woman they would ask so many questions about stuff related to men at least.

Like I explained all their husbands to them.

Content_Concert_2555 · 2026-05-19T04:39:41+00:00

There would not be a space (assuming it’s broadly open to straight men) where the shittier men wouldn’t have a sexist reaction to women sharing their thoughts, no.

RelativeCondition915 · 2026-05-19T07:05:07+00:00

I've seen a few niche imageboards discuss these things, although it inevitably becomes either transphobic or ED content... Radfem spaces on Tumblr also inevitably turn transphobic or just generally outrageously hateful and delusional. It's sort of sad. You have to go to such unpleasant fringes for any honest conversation and it immediately gets taken over by people with agendas.

Every once in awhile I'll write something genuinely honest here, and I'm immediately called a liar or just ignored entirely. I see so many women discussing their day-to-day romantic lives here and they're called liars or idiots or victims, etc etc. It's deranging. What kinds of lives do these men lead that every primary source of information is outright rejected? How does this never translate to a quiet realization that women are people too? It's like some people here have claimed victimhood as theirs alone... I can't imagine the emotional energy required of these men each day, who discount 50% of human input.

When manosphere men say they want "honesty", they're looking for validation of their beliefs. It's such a crass distortion of the concept of honesty... or victimhood, or loneliness. Every twisted, polluted word becomes a new talking point...

OffTheRedSand · 2026-05-17T17:14:30+00:00

i live in the middle east, many female only groups exist on facebook that act as a safe space for women to talk about things among themselves that wouldn't be socially okay for women to talk about, even if it's mundane by western standards.

men here constantly try to infiltrate these groups and some succeed and then they complain about what they find inside, whatever it is women talk about in there men seem to have a problem with.

this is just the truth about genders, they can't see eye to eye as groups because their experiences differ way too much.

men think women should act or be a certain way, or even attracted or value certain things, and women just aren't able to see where coming from, it might be biological since our sexuality is different than women, it might be cultural idk but the difference is way too much for the genders to empathize with each other to the degree each one like.

Logos1789 · 2026-05-17T23:54:35+00:00

There’s no such thing as a safe place for women.

The reality on Earth is, unless you are alone and in an impenetrable private space which you own, you are not safe.

That doesn’t undermine the validity of men’s advocacy for women to be truthful.

Shrimptank_mom · 2026-05-17T17:26:46+00:00

"Trust", "admit" that's shame language. I don't know any women in my generation who are ashamed to talk openly about what they find attractive. We are open books.

I don't find violence attractive. I don't get viscerally attracted based on looks alone. I have dated all across the looks spectrum and a deal-breaker for me is that he smells good. Why would dudes come at me with pitchforks? It's none of their business is it?

Title	Do women have safe space to have "honest conversations" about attraction?
Author	fiftypoundpuppy
Upvotes	19
Comments	147
Date	May 17, 2026 4:40 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tfumj1/do_women_have_safe_space_to_have_honest/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-have-safe-space-to-have-honest.1580600 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580600

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