Women of The PPD? Would you be upset if you're so asked for a praternity test?

Littleknownfacts · 2019-03-27T16:17:31+00:00

Yes I would be offended because it's offensive that my life partner doesn't trust me. But also I'd get over it in like 20 minutes.

Texastentialism · 2019-03-27T16:16:50+00:00

I would be upset if he brought it up while I was pregnant or after the baby was born. If he told me before we started trying that he would want a paternity test for any kids we might have together, just for his own peace of mind, I might still be slightly upset but I'd be much more amenable because that seems less like a direct accusation of wrongdoing on my part.

yasee · 2019-03-27T16:28:42+00:00

yes I would be upset because that implies he thinks I might have cheated on him

carrawayjames · 2019-03-27T16:37:11+00:00

I would refer him to this thread and this thread, both of which discussed the matter exhaustively.

DebatePony · 2019-03-27T16:15:39+00:00

My husband and I talked about it a lot. Part of me understands the desire for a paternity test, but in our situation (dating exclusively and continuously since we were 14) I'd be very hurt if my husband were to actually ask for one. Especially now when I'm miserable all time carrying the child he wanted me to get pregnant with.

whichbladeN · 2019-03-27T16:38:26+00:00

It's the same as your partner asking to go through your phone to see if you've been texting someone, with no reason to suspect you.

Like sure, you might acquiesce but now you're thinking, "Jesus Christ, does he trust anything I do or say?"

It's controlling and insecure. And it also lacks tact because you could get DNA from the child AFTER it's born on the DL, but you are so vehemently against wasting a single second on a child that isn't yours, that you can't wait for that. Patience is a virtue.

[deleted] · 2019-03-27T16:13:00+00:00

Yes I would be upset. If I'm going to carry his child I expect him to trust me.

Uncommon_Sensed_1235 · 2019-03-27T17:14:25+00:00

Yes I would be upset because he basically is implying that I'm a cheater, a liar, a deceiver, not trustworthy until proven otherwise.

But this would not end the relationship. I would work with him to find out what I need to do to help him feel more secure about my commitment to him.

MostlyMute · 2019-03-27T16:23:41+00:00

Uhh, it would definitely knock me a few steps back. I’d do it for his peace of mind, but a part of me might always resent him for doubting me like that. I could very well lose my attraction to him and start questioning his fidelity if that’s where his mind is at...

It may be an overreaction, but my word is my bond, and if my partner doesn’t know how trustworthy and loyal I am, then it would completely shatter my perceptions of our relationship.

[deleted] · 2019-03-27T17:57:11+00:00

Very.

I'm not holding off on sex and saving it for future hubby just for him to start talking some paternity test bullshit.

LivelyChartreuse · 2019-03-27T16:20:19+00:00

God not paternity test week.

Yes I would be offended if it came out of the blue and there had been no reason for my fiancé to think I had stepped out on him.

beautysleepsodom · 2019-03-27T18:35:53+00:00

That wouldn't bother me. Having a baby is stressful and anxiety isn't exactly rational so if having DNA proof of fatherhood would make him feel better or relieved or more connected to the kid or whatever, I'd be happy to oblige.

carrawayjames · 2019-03-27T16:14:29+00:00

I'd be upset in the sense that I would be fine with him getting a paternity test, but then he would be dead to me. I'd divorce him and remove him from my life.

GradualDecomp · 2019-03-27T17:38:11+00:00

Depends on the circumstances

esiemualB · 2019-03-27T18:46:39+00:00

Of course. I don't want kids, so if I was pregnant, it would mean that contraceptives must have failed, or even worse, that I was sexually assaulted. The last thing that I would want while trying to get an abortion is that my SO adds to this already nightmarish situation by mistrusting me.

shoup88 · 2019-03-27T20:32:25+00:00

Yes. I would be upset if my husband legitimately thought I might have cheated when I didn’t. If he wants a paternity test for his own peace of mind, he should get a sneaky mail in one done.

platypus_nebula · 2019-03-27T22:17:51+00:00

Nope. I'm a spineless pushover by nature and I personally don't mind it if that's what he required.

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-03-27T23:02:15+00:00

I'd be hurt, maybe even heartbroken because if I'm having kids with someone I trust them completely and thought the feeling was mutual. I wouldn't blow up at him or decline the test, but I don't know how we'd heal from that level of distrust. If he can't feel sure of my loyalty at that stage of a relationship when could he?

hoere_des_heeren · 2019-03-28T10:43:06+00:00

I believe that paternity tests should be mandatory by law if the claim of legal parenthood is based on assumption of biological relationship.

This is 2019—there is no reason to "assume" these things any more.

Also, I don't do this whole sexual exclusivity thing so yeah, but then again I also don't do this whole "SO" thing or this whole "having children" thing or this whole "caring about the biological relationship between legal parent and legal child thing".

azngirl7689 · 2019-03-27T16:15:50+00:00

Sure, I’ll give him the results with the divorce papers. Don’t trust me? We do not need to be together. If he let the manosphere fill his head with crap that’s not my problem.

kandyapplez · 2019-03-27T17:02:35+00:00

yes i would be upset if my husband was acting like societal trash who needs a paternity tests. normal people don't do this ghetto stuff

whichbladeN · 2019-03-27T16:55:14+00:00

A quote from an older thread

Let's reverse the scenario.

Your wife, who you love and trust and who you think loves and trust you, just walked in with your daughter sitting on your lap. Nothing suspicious. Just sitting there, maybe reading her a book.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she says, "were you just molesting her?? Men molest kids all the time, and if I don't take her into the police station and have her examined, I'm just enabling future pedophiles. But if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't have a problem with this, right?!"

How would you feel? I know I feel angry just thinking about it, and probably would for a decade+!

philomexa · 2019-03-27T17:50:05+00:00

Of course I'd be upset, who wouldn't be upset by their loyalty and honor being questioned?

The only people seemingly concerned with paternity end up on trashy daytime talk shows. Like, thats so far outside the scope of my life...who are these people operating from a severe place of distrust?

I'd think my husband was a brain damaged idiot if he requested paternity of our child (that looks remarkably like him), it would severely damage our relationship and I'd lose my respect and attraction towards him.

This only makes sense for people in casual relationship with a shoddy grasp on birth control. But 5, 10+ year marriages?

If you can't differentiate the questionable paternity of an oops pregnancy from a casual fuck and an assured paternity of a planned pregnancy with your wife, then I don't what to tell you, since you're seemingly hopeless when it comes to the inner dynamics of a successful relationship (hint; its trust).

But sure, spring this on your wife, let us know how your custody arrangement shakes out when everything is said and done.

doctor_trucks · 2019-03-27T19:54:52+00:00

I'm sterilized, so it doesn't really matter, but if I magically had a baby and the father asked for a paternity test I would be gone the same night (well, I'd throw him out, it's my damn house). Without trust there is no relationship. There's no point to a relationship without trust.

tryingtounderstand73 · 2019-03-27T17:14:23+00:00

I would think it was hilarious, because when you are trying for a baby for a few cycles, sexy time is not especially fun and is incredibly scheduled. I also would think her need to get his anxiety medicine checked.

There are literally 3 days in the month in which having sex could result in a baby, and he’d have been there during those days, having half-hearted procreative sex. That he would think I not only would care so little about our relationship and him to have sex with someone else during those days, that I’d be selfish enough to risk having someone else’s child, and that I was horny enough to go have sex with someone else during that time when I didn’t really want to be having sex with anyone? That would mean he didn’t know me at all and is so out of character that it would be funny and I’d assume he was joking. And if he wasn’t, that would mean he was letting his anxiety override his rational thought process and I’d ask him to speak to his doctor about it. Keep in mind, there is no possibility that this gaslighting because I know that our son is his.

If it was a new relationship? Sure, that’d be fine. I wouldn’t be offended then.

But here something else you are missing. Dating scans are ridiculously accurate. They know —to the day— how old the fetus is most of the time. You walk around saying “I’m 7 weeks, 3 days” pregnant. Yes, that is usually calculated based on your last period but that is just for standardization— they can tell you within a day or so when you conceived. So if he was out of town that week? Sure, ask for paternity test— that would be a rational request. But if you are looking at the ultrasound screen and the tech is telling you “6 weeks, 4 days,” and we can do the math and say, hey! Remember that night? We had tacos and drank too much tequila and then has sex in the couch” and then he asks for dna test? Not cool.

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Orange_Paisley · 2019-03-27T21:12:54+00:00

It depends. Was it a casual fling, an FWB, or a ONS? I'd volunteer for a paternity test. If it was a husband or committed partner, I would be sad, hurt, and a little angry. I would feel like I was alone in my pregnancy with a man who doesn't trust me and doesn't believe our baby is his and isn't invested in it. I would definitely do the DNA test but I can't lie, it would make me doubt the relationship for a while.

[deleted] · 2019-03-27T22:15:04+00:00

I mean do you really need it if the kid has some of your features?

KikiYuyu · 2019-03-28T01:59:32+00:00

Yes I'd be offended, because it's the same as my lover calling me a cheating whore.

[deleted] · 2019-03-28T02:06:21+00:00

No. But it would be really pointless so I would wonder at his sanity.

LifterofThings · 2019-03-28T02:06:43+00:00

I'd be for paternity tests for every birth as a general rule so men COULD be sure (well... as sure as they reasonably can be -- even paternity tests have a margin of error)

I'd give my SO the test but I'd probably be pretty hurt that he was suspicious enough about my potentially having cheated to ask for the test in the first place. Paternity testing is not really the norm as it stands.

[deleted] · 2019-03-28T02:50:27+00:00

Yes. When I give birth, I want my husband to share that feeling with me. I want him to be like "ooohhhh she has my nose :)" and him coming in the room while I'm cradling our newborn baby talking about some "I need a paternity test" I wouldn't even be offended on the basis of trust, more like wtf asshole why are you ruining the moment.

Willow-girl · 2019-03-28T04:01:33+00:00

Childfree here, so there would be nothing to test! :-D

greensilvermoss · 2019-03-28T10:45:52+00:00

Title	Women of The PPD? Would you be upset if you're so asked for a praternity test?
Author	carrawayjames
Upvotes	7
Comments	290
Date	March 27, 2019 3:24 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b65n1j/women_of_the_ppd_would_you_be_upset_if_youre_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-of-the-ppd-would-you-be-upset-if-youre-so.256578 https://theredarchive.com/post/256578

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