This is Why Guys Give up on Dating

I was reading about the British comedian Stephen Merchant the other day. I think he's reasonably well-known in the States because he's associated with Ricky Gervais.

I haven't seen all of his standup routine, but a lot of it self-deprecating humour about how his dating life has been unsatisfactory. He acknowledges this in this interview. The reasons for this are quite obvious; he's a somewhat awkward looking fellow.

Anyway, I was reading that awkward looking Stephen Merchant, whose dating life has been difficult to endure, who is 42 years-old, is now going out with her; 29 year-old model and actress Christine Marzano. Coincidentally, Merchant is now quite famous and easily in the top 0.1% of society economically.

It may surprise you to learn that most awkward looking 42 year-olds who have struggled with dating don't manage to pull 29 year-old models. This may come as a revelation to you, but I assure you that it is the case.

I would suggest that if I were to attempt to chat up Christine Marzano, despite the fact that I am significantly better looking than Merchant, more intelligent, I believe funnier than him, and have achieved a modicum of success in life, I would probably have a 1% chance of ever having sex with her. That's an optimistic estimate. Because she'd just look at me and think “I can do better than that, he's not high status enough, he's not good looking enough to compensate for that, guys like him are ten a penny...next!”.

However, if you were to interview Christine Marzano and ask her why she was interested in Merchant, I guarantee you that she would say “oh, he's just such a funny guy, he's really genuine”, etc, etc. But we all know that if Stephen Merchant worked in Subway, possessing exactly the same characteristics that he has now, that he wouldn't have a snowball in hell's chance of ever dating Christine Marzano. Even the person most in denial about women's attraction to socio-economic status would surely acknowledge this.

While there is always some room for individual differences, the reality is that women want someone good looking and high status. It's as simple as that. They may not get someone who is their absolute ideal, but that's, almost without exception, what they want. Any other attempt to attract women, by showing them you have something in common with them, by using 'game', anything else at all, is just a form of compensation.

I often note that prominent feminists in the media, who want 50% male-female boardrooms, and probably would quite happily accept a majority of women, who identify strongly as being feminist, who witter on about male privilege and all these things...do they end up marrying someone who works on a building site? Of course not. They want someone 'successful'. Women almost without exception want someone successful. Maybe they won't get that person, but they are programmed to want that, just as we men find it almost impossible not to be attracted to young, nubile women.

There was a woman in the British press who used to write a dating column called Catherine Townsend. She claimed to be a feminist, but also stated, I will never forget this, that she enjoys sex more and cums harder when she's with someone rich. Now that is a pretty extreme position, but what she ultimately did - marrying this guy because he is an extremely wealthy record executive - is not extreme. It's absolutely par for the course.

Recently there was a BBC documentary on MGTOW. I would love to link to the actual programme, but the BBC are wankers and thus even though the public literally directly funds this content, they just remove it from the Internet and claim copyright. But you can see a link to the programme here.

While there was a lot of nonsense talked in this programme, there was one guy who often speaks at Speaker's Corner in London, who was quite likeable and coherent. Now because he was what I would call a fundamentalist – just as I believe that some, though not all, RPers are fundamentalists, and some, though not all, feminists are fundamentalists – he significantly exaggerated the situation. Which just completely detracted from his argument.

However, to paraphrase what he said at one point (because the BBC won't let me download the programme), he essentially stated that women want someone of relatively high status, if you don't have this then you have extremely diminished opportunities, and he wasn't willing at his age to do things that he didn't want to do just to have a woman in his life. Instead, he had decided to work as a part-time security guard, and he asserted that once you're at this level of social status, you are essentially invisible to the opposite sex, and thus he is MGTOW.

As I say, he exaggerated the situation somewhat. But this is why some guys give up. This is why some RPers are fundamentalist about hypergamy. Because it seems that way, and as a man you see time and time again really desirable women who could pick almost anyone opting for high status men, and then claiming that it's because he has a good sense of humour or is sensitive and caring.

Guys give up because not everyone can be a winner in this game. Not everyone is born with good looks. There are minimal things you can do to improve your appearance. Stephen Merchant is never, ever going to be particularly good looking. It's just not possible. He has done the best thing possible for him, which is gain massively exalted social status. But not everyone can do this. Not everyone can be a success in this system. It isn't even possible for everyone to get a middle-class income. It took me until I was about 35 to achieve this, and I had to do some really drastic things in order to achieve it. Every single one of my friends back in my hometown earns less than half of what I earn, as I did before I took these drastic steps. And it's not guaranteed to last. Hopefully it will last, but I certainly cannot guarantee this. I could end up being skint, quite easily.

So that's why the guy in the MGTOW has dropped out of mainstream society effectively, works 20 hours per week as a security guard, and has given up on female relationships. Because he thinks it's a game that he can't win. He probably sees examples such as Stephen Merchant, and realises that he's not willing to compete in the rat race any more.

And yet, despite the ignominy of this, when he goes on the radio to point out the bleeding obvious, not only will the (extremely middle-class and ostensibly successful) media not accept this, but he is even lumped in with hateful and prejudiced people, called delusional, and it is implied that he is a misogynist.

Let me say finally that I don't agree with his decision. I don't respect quitters and I think it shows a lack of fortitude and backbone. I will never give up on anything that I want or want to achieve, even if it flies in the face of all logic. But I do understand it.