Is romance fun/a goal or is it a chore on the way to better things?

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2020-10-03T13:14:57+00:00

You can debate to be all three tbh. I find romance/flirting to be hella fun, especially when they go along with it. Both smile and talk about shit? That’s great .

For the goal, I mean ya , your goal could be to get laid or marriage , just depends .

Yea it can be a shitty chore, constantly trying to put in effort when it make not work. All on the mindset

Majorian420 · 2020-10-03T15:33:17+00:00

As a grouchy asshole,

I love going out with my girl, holding hands, cuddling in bed, and being sweet to her without expecting sex out of it.

I enjoy the physical and emotional connection.

KirthWGersen · 2020-10-03T13:46:55+00:00

"If a girl came up to most men and said "Let's skip all this crap and just have sex" I think most of them would be thrilled."

Every single time that has happened to me I have turned them down. Why? It feels like something is not quite right. Not worth the risk.

EnrichedBee · 2020-10-03T13:45:52+00:00

If you enjoy it then it's not a chore. I feel the same way as you do.

Barneysparky · 2020-10-03T13:40:09+00:00

I've never dated a guy who wasn't over the moon while "falling in love". What's not to love about getting to know another person in a intimate way and cuddles and laughter?

A lot of guys here are on the spectrum and struggle with connecting to others. Others just plain don't like the company of a woman. Unfortunately, it seems those guys still wish to put their penis into a actual human without any other form of attachment.

You are normal. Guys that go through the motions to get sex feeling like it's a chore should recognize that they are not cut out for pair bonding.(Ironically the same guys will accuse woman of not being able to pair bond)

wtknight · 2020-10-03T16:19:39+00:00

Yeah, definitely. Being in love is the best feeling. It's a much better, more continuously good feeling than just having sex.

On the other hand, if we were in love and not having sex, then that would be too frustrating for me. Sex is a way to both to physically express love and to release one's bodily urges to me. I don't like sex with another person just for just the latter reason, but having sex improves love, in my opinion.

swaggyquack · 2020-10-03T15:25:57+00:00

Hey man I like going on dates too. I realize that sex is so much better anyway in a long term relationship with someone you trust. Any ONS I had was basically the worst sex of my life because the other person can be awkward, you hardly know them and don’t know what they like... it’s a very selfish experience and in my opinion the best sex is actually selfless.

John_Oakman · 2020-10-03T13:36:49+00:00

I mean, all the pills are hype focused on sex, so any data/opinion/view here is skewed by default. (yes, even most of the bluepill, which is why I don't align with them either)

BothWaysItGoes · 2020-10-03T14:49:40+00:00

You can go on dates, hold hands AND have sex.

AnonPinkLady · 2020-10-03T16:49:09+00:00

Totally relate. And I only really crave sex after some romantic build up

DissonanceBadger · 2020-10-03T14:02:33+00:00

Anything becomes a chore when it's in the way of other things. Going to an amusement park is fun, but if you're only doing it to repeatedly enroll in their car giveaway it'll be a chore. Guys dream of sex. It's annoying that it takes more than 5 minutes to get from desire to desire fulfillment. If they weren't hung up on sex they would enjoy romance more.

Ludens0 · 2020-10-03T16:08:13+00:00

There is a point between the strict Catholic sanctity of the indivisible pack of committed love+sex+procreation and the more animal and irrelevant kind of sex.

You can have a relationship not committed to the end of the days and be kind, loving and careful with your partner. You can enjoy AND do your best for her pleasure. That's what hedonism is, the search of yours and the other's pleasure.

To me this is the more moral way to live and act. I prefer a relationship that goes from nothing to "more" to "a lot" than one that goes from nothing to everything to divorce.

Romance should be a pleasure. Hold on, bro!

BROWN-TOILET-PAPER · 2020-10-03T17:08:06+00:00

If a girl came up to most men and said "Let's skip all this crap and just have sex"

I'd ask her 'how much you charge?'

AidsVictim · 2020-10-03T22:05:10+00:00

It depends. If I genuinely like and am attracted to a woman I like spending time doing things with her - driving somewhere for the day (beach, hiking whatever) or looking up things we could do together (new restaurants, concerts, shows etc). I guess it depends on how "romantic" one finds those.

The stuff where dudes are planning out a half dozen things to do in one day to impress their date or spending thousands on vacations every other month or whatever comes across as somewhat pathetic and weird - who the hell can enjoy a relationship where it becomes a second job? Are you ever going to have a real relationship with genuine affection where a woman spending time with you is contingent on treating her like a spoiled kid? Conversely it blows my mind that there are women out there who expect and get that sort of treatment.

If a woman is on the lower end of attractiveness I will probably just be upfront that I'm only interested in sex.

NarniaFox · 2020-10-03T14:42:21+00:00

My sample is pretty narrow, but most guys I know are kind of romantic and they enjoy dating as much as girls do. Some even more.

When we were students and could have some alone time only in the early morning, my husband was getting up at 5-6 o'clock to come to my place and have breakfast together. It was really nice and warm to have the first meal of the day together knowing that you wouldn't have time during the day, so we made best of it.

He was also the one slowing things that they were getting too hot, as he believed that we shouldn't start having sex too early in the relationships. So did I, but his kisses were too hot to hold my hands from him.

So...no, you're totally normal. If a person is into another one, they want to spend time together and not necessarily naked. It's also exciting to escalate things slowly, so you can enjoy each step properly.

Zcuzz · 2020-10-03T14:15:48+00:00

Definitely a chore. Some people like that whole "thrill of the chase" thing, but I find it all quite agonizing personally.

2020-10-03T18:30:58+00:00

I enjoy romance. Flirting, dating, intimacy are all quite thrilling.

That said, if I was in the mood, someone attractive to me just saying "hey, wanna fuck?" would certainly be its own thrill.

JulesB954 · 2020-10-03T18:57:11+00:00

I can't speak for all women, but that sounds like a sht test to filter out f*k boys.

fakeshaf · 2020-10-03T18:59:00+00:00

I think it can be either depending on what you are wanting out of it. Both genders see it both ways. There’s actually some research that shows that women like sex just as much as men do. It’s really just a matter of your goals. Personally, I want to meet someone and get to know them more than I want to meet someone and have sex. If I ask a woman out, I don’t necessarily have any intention beyond that first date. My goal in a first date is to see if I would like there to be a second date, and sometimes I just want the woman to be a friend.

2020-10-03T21:40:20+00:00

I like the game, what happens doesn't really matter

PickleLine · 2020-10-03T16:33:19+00:00

Maybe after it's clear she likes you att he 3rd/4th date.

But getting to that point is hell and not worth it.

Swiping on thousands of women to get a couple matches here and there
Spending 20+ hours entertaining women through text and getting flaked on even when women agree to meet up.
Spending a ton of effort to entertain her and make her feel special while having to pretend to be someone you're not (i.e. confident, social extrovert) and doing emotional labor for her on dates.
Get flaked on and rejected for 2nd and 3rd dates.

TexasRose25 · 2020-10-03T17:45:42+00:00

It’s kind of like..reaching a goal by skipping all of the steps that came before. Often what makes an experience meaningful or valuable is all wrapped up in what it cost you to get there, or in this case having sex with someone you like in many other ways, who has shown you kindness and consideration, who is interested in not only what you have to say but your feelings, just feels so sweet and satisfying. When things go from being strangers to having sex, it feels like you’re just using each other to get off, like you are 100% interchangeable, and of course that’s not a great feeling if you don’t view other people as objects to be manipulated. I definitely agree with you, that slow, sweet buildup is the best, and it makes what comes later that much better.

throughcracker · 2020-10-03T18:26:12+00:00

I really believe it all comes from personal experience and how you view relationships.

Three years ago, I'd love to wait and get involved in the romance. Hold hands, etc. I loved it.

Fast forward to today, I've been exposed to too much pain to even consider that. I've had "romantic" connections without sex where it truly felt special, at least to me. Just to find out she was getting her back blown out by people who didn't care for her - has happened multiple times.

Ever since then, romance is dead. Love is weakness. I probably have some mental problems with trust issues - but I just can't put in my all and try and create a connection with someone again just for them to hurt me. So now its a chore, and I don't bond with females at all.

Goran07 · 2020-10-03T13:20:44+00:00

If a girl came up to most men and said "Let's skip all this crap and just have sex" I think most of them would be thrilled, but I genuinely would say no.

Only sluts would do this. And you would also very likely need to be fairly attractive. There's three main reasons:

You don't want to fuck sluts (which is not uncommon).
You aren't actually attractive enough for this scenario to occur and are just using this logic as a coping mechanism.
You don't want to fuck uglies (in addition to them being sluts). It is not uncommon for guys to reject fatties who make those kind of approaches.

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muddynips · 2020-10-03T17:50:49+00:00

Romance is like sugar. It makes things delicious, but too much kills you. In this analogy sex would be like a chicken breast.

It’s 100% fine to want romance, just as long as you keep moderation and remember to exercise.

wiking85 · 2020-10-03T18:12:17+00:00

Most guys would probably think it's a trick and say no too.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-10-03T18:58:06+00:00

Those feelings outweigh women's bullshit for you personally. Some would interpret it as you falling for the spell, but there are many like you for sure its not unique

reignoferror00 · 2020-10-03T21:05:48+00:00

If she said "Let's skip all this crap and just have sex", I'd suspect a trap or a "trap" but odds are if I had any attraction to her I'd be wary but very likely would go for it.

Sure, the hand holding, looking into each other eyes, the kissing/making out build up etc. is nice enough but going through dating to find someone to get to that point is a long drawn out painful path of work, trial and failure first. Give me the "fish in a barrel" any day.

sorebum405 · 2020-10-03T21:53:22+00:00

I think you might be in the minority.

As you can see, both sexes responded similarly to a request for a date. However, when it came to going to an apartment or going to bed (i.e. having sex), the males were far more willing to agree (75%) than the women (0%).

NotGoingoutofMW · 2020-10-03T22:02:05+00:00

Its only a chore when the woman don't reciprocate. Other than it's fun and makes the sex and ltr even better for both. Sadly women don't reciprocate cause "Men have to do everything."

WilliamWyattD · 2020-10-04T07:58:13+00:00

I believe that people should aim, in general, to restrict their sexuality to longer term relationships. The primary, though not only, reason is that sexual intimacy naturally invites feelings of affection. But being overly affectionate in short-term relations is a bad idea as it is unwarranted and will cause confusion and problems. Thus too much sex in casual relationships forces us to suppress the affectionate impulse and makes us colder emotionally.

Given the above, it makes sense to take it slow. You are vetting one another and learning about one another to see if a commitment between you makes sense. You should also be trying to enjoy the time for itself, so even if you end up incompatible, you still have not wasted the time.

Romance is dangerous. It can be just as addictive as sex--it is a spike in brain chemistry, like sex. So it can be a drug. Romance is not the primary reason for courtship and can in fact interfere with proper courtship and vetting if it gets out of hand.

Ultimately, let's remember that romance basically is erotic love, but savored more slowly. Perhaps like a connoisseur. There is a bit more to romance, but at heart it is sexuality. Both romance and raw sexual attraction have their role in bonding couples, but you really do not want to get lost in either. They will fade, though in good relationships they do make comeback appearances regularly. But it is never the same as the beginning.

LooseIndication · 2020-10-04T23:54:45+00:00

The blue pill has taught you a wrong model that goes this way:

1.Male asks for a date to a woman, and romances her

2.If woman finds the romance good, she falls in love

3.If the woman falls in love, she has sex

4.The princess marry the prince, and they live happily forever.

What you call romance, is a negotiation. You had been taught that the negotiation is rational.

But that's not at all how it works. How it works is encoded on DNA, and controlled by feelings. It is animal.

The real way it works is:

1.Male approaches the woman, and makes her horny.

2.The woman sabotages the approach.

3.If the man has enough skill, he seduces the woman, and has sex.

4.If the woman is pleasant enough, the male may desire to have sex again.

5.After repeated sex, if the woman has not succeeded sabotaging the relationship, and she finds that the man is as alpha as he appeared to be, she may fall in love.

6.The woman keeps sabotaging the relationship.

7.The woman keeps sabotaging the relationship.

8.The woman keeps sabotaging the relationship.

...

2150215465.The woman keeps sabotaging the relationship, and it breaks.

throughcracker · 2020-10-05T09:53:16+00:00

There is going to be at least one comment saying "That's how betas are, alphas are different bro" or something like that. Thanks in advance.

You might not like it, but women teach men that romance is chump behaviour and who wants to be a chump?

If bitches want romance, maybe you should actually reward it.

It's also generally not fun. Flirting is boring (Ladies, you're not as witty as you think you are, dudes are just playing along because they want to stick it in you), romance is expensive and chump behaviour and you're not even getting the best side of her for it (Alpha Fucks gets to hit it and quit it for free, so he gets the best of all worlds)

TheJim66 · 2020-10-03T14:22:48+00:00

Romance is fun but sex is QUITE fun by itself. You wouldn't actually say no if a hot woman said "let's bang" to you".

I remember a social experiment on YouTube where a cute (nothing crazy but attractive) woman asked 100 random men on the street if they would like to bang. 99 of them said yes and the one that said no was with his GF at that exact moment.When they did the experiment with the genders reversed, 100 women said no.

stats135 · 2020-10-03T14:21:20+00:00

Depends what version of romance we are talking about. There is a Pornhub version and a Hollywood version. Of course neither is realistic. Its just a spectrum. In movies you need conflict to have a plot, in porn you need to have no conflict for it to be wish fulfillment. I would love nothing more than a conflict-free date with a woman that aims to please, hold her hand and stare into each others eyes between sex sessions. I would hate nothing more than going on a date with the uncertainty of whether I'd be getting laid that night.

DeliciouzDemon · 2020-10-03T16:37:23+00:00

Me personally I would say you are low test. Yeah I do want to have sex. Now I still get attached to (almost) any girl I have sex with and definitely want to hang out with her and make her happy and enjoy life in other ways. But some sexual contact ideally needs to come first or within a short time of meeting each other. Otherwise I'm very bored and see it as pointless.

Being attractive enough and ready for sex is a chore though. More of a chore than eating, playing video games, browsing the internet and other low effort dopamine boosts. You have to workout to look nice, make sure your hygiene is on point, and go out and socialize with the possibility you will get nothing. For many people that is an arduous task, and I also suspect many who say they're "not interested in sex so much" are really covering up that they don't want to do the effort or are insecure about some place they lack (her pussy is nasty, he can't get it up, etc).

You can enjoy going out to eat and looking each others eyes I suppose, but I would prefer being naked eating grapes and fucking while looking into each other's eyes.

tickledpic · 2020-10-03T15:10:11+00:00

I really, truly enjoy going on dates, holding hands, looking into each others eyes and feeling all those feelings

That would be the only time when I would gladly go on dates.

But for me to feel those feelings I already have to have an amazing sex life with a girl. Before that? Fuck no. I have zero desire to go on a date with a woman I'm not already fucking.

Workaholiconew · 2020-10-03T15:54:14+00:00

Humans do things for more than one reason. Most men just seem consider the strongest of the reasons to deal with women to be sex. You don't and thus you are a rarity.

I have fun dealing with women, but, I like what I am doing, not them particularly. I.e. I like the hunt, the game where if you do the correct things, you get may get the 'good ending' And I suppose you feel the same.

I could not give less of a crap about some of her coworkers love story if it is not useful to 'finish this quest', and 'get the reward' I am almost sure most of other men who indeed like the company of a woman find more fun 'on the hunt' than in the woman.

Also...

If a girl came up to most men and said "Let's skip all this crap and just have sex" I think most of them would ~~be thrilled~~ ^{Think she is a trans.}

monopoly_life · 2020-10-03T13:40:40+00:00

I really, truly enjoy going on dates, holding hands, looking into each others eyes and feeling all those feelings

Do you think going on dates is enough to make a woman fall in love? Sweat and blood, unless you're born lucky.

Also, the more experienced she is, the harder it is to impress her.

So yeah the act may be fun, but what price are you willing to pay for it? Also, it's an expensive game: are you sure it's worth your time?

duffmanhb · 2020-10-03T18:02:01+00:00

One thing I never EVER understood about pickup and stuff is how people date multiple people and just rotate through them getting new sex dolls. I simply don't understand it. It seems so sociopathic or autistic -- as in they just don't have social connections at all.

I've ALWAYS only dated one person at a time. Always. If the person I'm seeing doesn't give me the tingles, then they never will, so why waste our time?

IMO the types who don't treat dating like this, are too caught up in some vain social world where they just care about status. I've noticed they are often the types who have crazy social lives where they are ALWAYS around people. Not much alone time. Just people people people... So when they date, they just see that as an extension of socializing, but now you can fuck the person when you hang out. I don't get it.

Sea-Buffalo · 2020-10-04T05:04:35+00:00

Romance and flirting are fun with someone who is actually interested in you and not playing BS games.

If you find someone who is truly into you, romance and getting close is wonderful.

Sadly so many women have rode the CC for so long that they don’t have that Bailey anymore. Sex is just something for a random thrill is head of bonding.

Title	Is romance fun/a goal or is it a chore on the way to better things?
Author	throughcracker
Upvotes	90
Comments	167
Date	October 3, 2020 11:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/j4ejrq/is_romance_funa_goal_or_is_it_a_chore_on_the_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-romance-funa-goal-or-is-it-a-chore-on-the-way.280914 https://theredarchive.com/post/280914

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