Divorced men over 50 why us?

azguy63 · 2024-12-16T03:25:18+00:00

I see this was from 2 years ago. How are you coming along?

Mammoth-Dark-6155 · 2024-10-29T20:39:55+00:00

my wife separated from me after 7 years of marriage, i am strong enough and I decided not to marry with a women.

I prefer elderly men over 55 to 80 years.. i would love to meet sweet good heated men for my life.

idiskfla · 2023-05-02T17:27:49+00:00

I’ve been alone for two years. Business shut down during the pandemic and my wife of 12 years left me for a man who could provide her better financial “stability”. Just crushed me. The guy she’s with is older, uglier, but significantly wealthier (plastic surgeon).

Won’t lie. My ex is a fox and I thought we had incredible chemistry and loved the same extreme sports. We’re also both Cambodian-American which is rare where I live in the US.

I’m severely depressed, and plan to move to a new city this year. Part of the problem for me is that I feel / know I won’t ever meet someone like her. I aged a lot post divorce (balding, remaining hair turned grey, more wrinkles, some related health problems) and just haven’t gotten the swagger back. Also injured my back so I can’t lift heavy weights like many recommend.

I’m hoping moving to a new city will help, but I’m also worried I’ll just be more lonely in a new environment.

One thing that has helped me is taking up a new hobby you didn’t enjoy with her. It might not make you happy, but it can be a great escape when you think about her too much.

But make no mistake. Shit’s tough. Your life if forever altered. This has been much tougher than losing my business and also one of my close male friends. Initially, I lied to myself by saying I was better off, but I know what wasn’t true.

Hoping a new city helps me thrive again. Everything where I live just reminds me of her and our time together.

snappienap · 2023-02-24T15:20:50+00:00

I read your latest posts. They are locked, so I can't comment. What happened? She didn't just fall out of love. You keep referencing a big issue and sleeping away from your wife and just getting out of so she doesn't have to see you. Your absent-mindedness probably doesn't help and the fact that I counted at least 3 different career changes in your post. You can't cope with an issue if you aren't honest about what the issue is. I suspect it paints you in a really poor light. I get it. I'm ashamed of tons of things I've done. But healing can not begin until you are honest. At least with yourself.

Mynewadventures · 2023-02-14T15:43:57+00:00

Take your State's hunting course to get your license, then work on finding someone to go out with.

Mynewadventures · 2023-02-14T14:43:48+00:00

Move to your hunting cabin and start doing anything that YOU want to do whenever you want to do it.

Move to a nice one bedroom in town and start doing anything that YOU want to do whenever you want to do it.

Move to that funky little coastal town and start doing anything that YOU want to do whenever you want to do it.

Get where I'm going with this? I'm telling you as a 55 year old man, it's pretty awesome.

At some point you may get back together or you'll start hanging with a new woman, but for NOW, it needs to be all about you.

Fastlyf · 2023-02-14T03:59:13+00:00

Let me first say I am about to be 50 and that’s a thing even if everyone here is going through the same thing. It’s 50!

But know that you aren’t alone and we are all trying to find our way to happiness. The key is not to think you are alone in your hurt.

I have found a wonderful partner who I may marry one day and even with her supporting me I still feel like I failed sometimes. But what kind of fool would I be to not look towards the positive even in the face of negative.

Our exes win if they destroy or positivity. And I choose to believe in the positive. And I hope you, and everyone who reads this, does as well.

We are worthy of happiness. I know I am. And I am going to take all of the negative energy from my past and turn it into positive energy for my future. I hope all of you do too.

Some of us aren’t the good guys in our divorces. We have to admit that. But even we deserve a good outcome if we are trying to be better every day.

seattleskindoc · 2023-02-14T03:10:35+00:00

I’m 52. One year post divorce with two teen age kids. Life has NEVER been better. I’m free of toxicity. My kids see a ‘new’ me. I have a gorgeous woman who loves me and my children. Turn the page, boys. GTFO of the bad marriage now !!!!

playerknowmore · 2023-02-14T02:51:46+00:00

At 57 all it took was realizing I loved her, but I didn't need her. After she takes half of what you build to live with a coworker; it will help with you falling out of love. Love is energy you don't turn it off unless you have somewhere else to put it. Another shoe will drop. Don't worry women will never admit to anything that makes them look bad.

kroellmw · 2023-02-14T02:43:32+00:00

I was 38 when I got divorced I found a new girl friend and hit the the gym worked my fingers to the bone and spent more time with my kiddo and at the lake fishing it sucks losing the one ya love after so long but keep your chin up and keep on trucking I was married for almost 15 years and my ex wife hit me with that same line. It gets easier as time goes on

KnownDistance · 2023-02-14T02:08:35+00:00

I'm 59... Married 32 years, divorced for coming up on three, and it gets better.

Not going to repeat what a lot of good men have already related, other than to suggest you continue to read this subreddit for the answers. It passes... but not before you have to walk your own path. If it's any consolation, this will pass; happiness will come again, along with contentment, but right now there's a gaping hole in your soul that takes time to heal. And that's the worst part, the waiting... but I promise you that you'll come out the other side stronger and wiser. And that's never a bad thing.

At the risk of coming off as a smart ass... a riddle.

"How do you eat an entire elephant? Answer- One Bite At A Time."

gettingold-ishard · 2023-02-14T01:11:47+00:00

Everyone,...Everyone here that read and replied to my post. I sincerely thank you all. It surprises me beyond words how many of you guys are or have suffered and are not afraid to come here and poor out some feelings. I don't know if any my words here will be seen by those that have said some thing but here goes. Our boys are all grown up. The oldest is married with kids. The youngest has done his duty and served his country. He is presently living with us and going to college. We are seeing the same marriage counselor and we both agree she is amazing and cares about us. Several months ago she did tell me those heart breaking words. "I love you but I am not in love with you". What I see is a woman that has not dealt with her past physical trauma by her ex. She has been neglected by her brothers and sister. When anyone of them come into town for a game or passing through, they never reach out to her and visit. She never dealt with that pain or confronted them about it. Her younger sister turned her back on the entre family for 12yrs. Too long of a story there, but they were very close as sisters. She also has learned ( just 3yrs ago) that her mother cheated on her biological father when she was a child and never told her the truth. She lied and said her biological father was abusive. Another family member confirmed it. So, all that pain and hurt she has kept locked up inside. Now, in the last 27+yrs we have been a couple. All the little things and some big, that I did wrong or pissed her off. She brings up in therapy. Saying how I hurt her and angered her, on and on, My wife has become and expert at holding onto grudges! And when I piss her off, she takes those blocks of anger from her past that she has locked up in her heart and uses them as fuel against me. The therapist has brought it to her attention that it is not fair for ME to battle not only my shit she is hanging onto, but everything else from her past. She has never forgiven me for my mistakes. She tells me she needs time and space to think and try and work on coming back to me with love. This is the jest of it. We have not talked divorce formally. That is something I am afraid of. I try to anticipate what may happen and what i should do next.

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2023-02-13T21:36:09+00:00

Man.. I am on the opposite end of this.. I am looking to get divorced.. I care for my STBXW.. I do love her.. per se.. e.g. I don't want to see anything bad for her, want her to find the love of her life.. but I fell out of love a long time ago.. and mostly stuck in due to finances and kids. For whatever stupid reason, I've always held money as the #1 thing.. and every time I think about finally leaving.. I have debt, kids with costs, and so on. Just our house alone needs about 20K in work to fix it up to sell it.. or we'll lose 100K+ in value if we dont.

But.. she wants me to go get help.. it will fix everything. No.. it wont. When you're not in love.. and all you do is fight and disagree and have very few if any things of interest in common.. why would you want to spend another 20, 30 or more years with that person.. or.. if you really do care.. lead them on with false promises?

I feel your pain OP in that.. you're broken right now.. and you may be struggling to understand how your ex is able to just move on.. possibly dating or looking to date.. unfortunately this world is a crazy place right now. LOT of changes in every aspect.. from jobs, pandemic, wars, women's rights, and more.. a ton of things changing everything around us. The only thing you can do now.. as others said.. is focus on you.. and heal. For some it may take years.. for some.. it takes until they accept and for some it's like "whatever.. I'll find someone else to spend my life with".

I do wish you the best though.

storm838 · 2023-02-13T19:53:40+00:00

She's Venezuelan and helped me immensely move on. For me divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me of my kid.

tanen55 · 2023-02-13T19:00:35+00:00

I'm 51 and almost a little over a year post divorce.

If you are at the beginning of the process then just know that you are going to be in pain and it will be hard but that it does end. You will be OK.

If you are having trouble imagining what life will be like without your ex then do what I did. Think about all the things you wanted to do, how you can improve your life, where you want to be in the future and make a 5 year plan on how to get there. Focus on making your life your own again. Trust me, it's not easy.

I decided I wanted a career change and am going back to school to do so. Now that I don't have to worry about some one else I can do what I want and live my life how I want. You can to. Make the list and focus on your future now and how to make it great.

Finally, don't imagine your ex with someone else. That's "pain shopping" and right now you are going through enough and you shouldn't be adding to it. Eventually you'll get to a point where you don't think about her and when you do it'll be in the context of your kids (if you have any).

And finally, one last piece of advice I wish I would have paid attention to earlier. Do not date anyone new for a bit. After several different women I finally realized that I just didn't want to be alone. That wasn't fair to them.

Theedon · 2023-02-13T18:01:33+00:00

The worst part is now I have to tell my Son it is a hoax and my Daughter that she will change her mind in 20 year and will not know why.

gabbygourmet · 2023-02-13T17:45:27+00:00

Sucks man. Thats one of the only thing i think about. Who will she choose next? It will be painful to watch. Hang in there guy and do better than her! you got it!!

BlackFire68 · 2023-02-13T16:27:45+00:00

My wife left me after 21 years for an AP, I get it. That said, you can make more money… even now. Don’t get entangled again for a bit, work on overcoming the idea that not having her is equal to having nothing. This world is all opportunity, and you can go after it again. Get the fire back.

Look, it’s easy to say, “I spent a lifetime building this family and without it, my life’s work is gone”. A family is a mental and emotional construct. Your kids (if you have them) are still family, you still have extended family. You worked on yourself and for yourself all those years too, you have just become the sole beneficiary of your remaining work.

She is no longer your focus, and the past is what it is. Time to look in the mirror, decide what to keep and what to cut loose in your own psyche and move ahead. There’s a lot of life left from here, go live it.

brianinmaine · 2023-02-13T16:15:51+00:00

M57. married 34 years, 6 kids (youngest is now 18), divorced 2 years ago. We parted on great terms IMO. I LOVE being single. Do whatever I want, whenever I want. Joined some meetup groups. Met some wonderful women but won't ever get married again. Life goes on, make it a point to enjoy every day. Don't focus on the past, look ahead! Who and what do you want to be? Build memories now!

Bipolar_investor · 2023-02-13T15:45:33+00:00

Divorce is hard, but so can you 🤜🤛

warrior_up · 2023-02-13T15:15:47+00:00

Dude it's amazing. Just takes time, get yourself in shape, start focusing on the big picture - your legacy and this giant world with billions of people we're living in for 80-90yrs at a time.

Be excited. You can do whatever you want - so what's it gonna be?

LonelyNC123 · 2023-02-13T14:44:18+00:00

I am super sorry you are sad about this.

I am 58, I would REJOICE if my wife would split 50/50 with me and we could part as friends.

50/50 is a GREAT deal for her since she made basically zero effort to plan for our combined retirement or college for our one child. About 90% of our combined assets came from me.

But no, no, no, she expects Alimony.

Marriage is HORRIBLE for men, just horrible. That is why I tell young men to never do it.

WhatOnceWas80 · 2023-02-13T13:59:42+00:00

Mid 40-s here and received the dreaded "I love you but I'm not in love with you". She says I'm a good person and she really wants to be friends moving forward. This is after meeting as teens, being married 20+ years, kids, an entire life of memories, ups, downs, and building a life together. All gone with those simple words.

Survival has gotten easier, living has not, and honestly I'm starting to wonder if it ever will. I look back and see a huge swath of my life turned into a photograph. A memory you can look at, but will never again experience its joy.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-02-13T13:14:09+00:00

Find your real identity. You were who she wanted you to be. You feel lost because the person who literally defined you is gone.

Time to define yourself.

fishingforthought · 2023-02-13T13:12:33+00:00

Concentrate on distraction as "Alatornio" states and acceptance. Accept what is happening in your life. Its not what you wanted but here it is I have to process it. Distract you idle thoughts . Concentrate on what you want and let this become a teachable moment.

HaloJonez · 2023-02-13T12:52:32+00:00

I’m 53. It doesn’t get easier, you get stronger. Let it go.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-13T12:43:17+00:00

Women don’t divorce men they admire and look up to. They leave men that become a plow horse to them.

Instead of wallowing in "why me" self-pity, you need to confront your limiting beliefs. Because that's how you got here. Start by examining what you really understand about female nature, and you'll find out "happy wife, happy life" is a lie. Read David Buss' "The Evolution of Desire" for an academic/research perspective and Rollo Tomassi's "The Rational Male" for a street-wise understanding of female nature.

Thin_Radish_3439 · 2023-02-13T12:24:52+00:00

After 20 some years, if you need to divorce I assure you there is a reason bad enough that you probably don't care that much. What's worse is when you see your grown child chooses the ex or in laws over you often when it comes to association. Super bowl parties, weekends, other activities. The facebook pictures are a punch in the gut. Mine was 22 years divorced in my 40s for my affair partner at the time (flame away idc it was an escape from being emotionally abused you didn't live my life). 10 years later I'd have done the same just sooner. Only real solace is the ex still hasn't found someone who will put up with her crazy ass.

TipHeftyMan · 2023-02-13T08:44:50+00:00

M51. Divorced for the 2nd time last year.

I don't feel like this at all. I get to the gym, took up playing golf, walk my dog, I go and do anything i want whenever i want to. My house is peaceful and quiet. If i need to concentrate on work for a bit then thats fine. All my bills are way cheaper and despite the heavy financial loss i'm earning well and saving hard for retirement.

I've done on line dating very successfully following advice on YouTube and I have a girlfriend i see a few times a week.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-02-13T07:29:37+00:00

Is the divorce final and how long has it been?

upvotersfortruth · 2023-02-13T06:51:31+00:00

Come to Bangkok. There's a lot of you here leading great second lives.

cfd2126 · 2023-02-13T06:41:52+00:00

I’m 34 and going through a divorce, I’m completely lost don’t know what to do with my time , go to the gym , run , cry ( a lot ) . I loved my wife with all my heart and I gave it my all in our marriage.

henrysmyagent · 2023-02-13T06:03:31+00:00

It hits a lot harder at the 50's because the pay off from a lifetime of sacrice is in sight, but this is also the point where the wife can expect the biggest payoff.

If she waits until retirement then she only gets half of that retirement.

But if she divorces you now she gets half of all you have accumulated so far, and she gets alimony which will force you to work longer to have any chance of a decent retirement.

Never trust the other party in a contract where they get cash and prizes for violating the contract!

DaikonSubstantial120 · 2023-02-13T06:01:13+00:00

It is unusual a person gets totally blindsided in a separation. It can happen but highly unlikely.

It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going , and takes courage to address red flags and maintain healthy boundaries.

Being lazy, enabling poor behaviours and not addressing issues IMMEDIATELY are relationship killers.

Some People put more effort in supporting their football team than working on their relationships.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-02-13T04:53:22+00:00

It’s very hard. My now ex wife left me after 27 years of marriage for her AP. I loved her beyond anything and she was my life. I don’t know how to cure the heartbreak but I’m here to talk if you need too.

CaliDude75 · 2023-02-13T04:34:43+00:00

Sorry. Can’t relate. I’m the one that “fell out of love” if I ever was in the first place. I was the petitioner.

Now’s the time to live life for you. Do and experience things you’ve always been curious about and wanted to do.

2023-02-13T04:30:00+00:00

Yeah man, you gotta invest in doing what fuels YOU

Striking-Trainer8148 · 2023-02-13T04:29:36+00:00

Take all the time you would have put into her, and put it into yourself.

Go on dates for yourself.

Do what you want.

Take yourself where you want to go, eat well, go out, go home, sleep under the stars with a smile on your face knowing that’s what you chose to do that day.

NineHeavensMaster · 2023-02-13T04:29:27+00:00

Im 37, and it still sucks. The only cure is time. Everyone will react differently. I still do not feel good.

I distract myself with things I like.... but I do miss my ex. It wasn't part of my life plan to breakup. I never would have had a child knowing this would be the outcome.

I feel bad for my child, but they seem to do better than me.

Wish I had the answer. I think it's comparable to a death in the family. Everyone grieves differently.

I've done the gym, hobbies, etc. I still dont know.

fewdo · 2023-02-13T03:41:34+00:00

I’m not 50 but start doing stuff you missed out on when u were married, start a new hobby. Work on projects u put on the back burner. Join a gym or start working out more

Title	Divorced men over 50 why us?
Author	gettingold-ishard
Upvotes	44
Comments	99
Date	February 13, 2023 3:13 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/110xwx7/divorced_men_over_50_why_us/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorced-men-over-50-why-us.1152907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152907

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