Always about them 🙄🙄🙄

AyemHerself · 2020-08-09T14:16:07+00:00

Why aren't men opening shelters for abused men?

There are strong reasons why shelters shouldn't be mixed sex.

ItsFreezen · 2020-08-09T14:18:10+00:00

Men never ask male millionaires and billionaires to open men's shelters.

boughsmoresilent · 2020-08-09T14:34:30+00:00

Whenever Fragile Male Redditors respond to any DV post with "what about all the male victims???" Completely ignoring the fact that men are most likely to experience violence at the hands of other men, I'm always reminded of this quote from Lundy Bancroft's book Why Does He Do That? (emphasis mine):

MYTH #14: There are just as many abusive women as abusive men. Abused men are invisible because they are ashamed to tell.

There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative impact on these men’s lives can be considerable. But do we see men whose self-esteem is gradually destroyed through this process? Do we see men whose progress in school or in their careers grinds to a halt because of the constant criticism and undermining? Where are the men whose partners are forcing them to have unwanted sex? Where are the men who are fleeing to shelters in fear for their lives? How about the ones who try to get to a phone to call for help, but the women block their way or cut the line? The reason we don’t generally see these men is simple: They’re rare.

I don’t question how embarrassing it would be for a man to come forward and admit that a woman is abusing him. But don’t underestimate how humiliated a woman feels when she reveals abuse; women crave dignity just as much as men do. If shame stopped people from coming forward, no one would tell. Even if abused men didn’t want to come forward, they would have been discovered by now. Neighbors don’t turn a deaf ear to abuse the way they might have ten or twenty years ago. Now, when people hear screaming, objects smashing against walls, loud slaps landing on skin, they call the police. Among my physically abusive clients, nearly one-third have been arrested as a result of a call to the police that came from someone other than the abused woman. If there were millions of cowed, trembling men out there, the police would be finding them.

Abusive men commonly like to play the role of victim, and most men who claim to be “battered men” are actually the perpetrators of violence, not the victims. In their efforts to adopt victim status, my clients try to exaggerate their partners’ verbal power: “Sure, I can win a physical fight, but she is much better with her mouth than I am, so I’d say it balances out.” (One very violent man said in his group session, “She stabs me through the heart with her words,” to justify the fact that he had stabbed his partner in the chest with a knife.) But abuse is not a battle that you win by being better at expressing yourself. You win it by being better at sarcasm, put-downs, twisting everything around backward, and using other tactics of control—an arena in which my clients win hands down over their partners, just as they do in a violent altercation. Who can beat an abuser at his own game?

adertina · 2020-08-09T14:18:29+00:00

women need to support women, he can start his own shit if he wants to help men out. women have no responsibility to help men, especially considering the massive wealth gap men are more than capable of helping eachother. every cent a woman donates should help women first and foremost

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-08-09T15:07:22+00:00

Rihanna was an abuse survivor herself, it doesn't surprise me that she'd do this.

howdoilogoutt · 2020-08-09T15:12:13+00:00

Why can't we speak out and do things for women without a man moaning!? This is why I hate it when we try to pander to men and say feminism is all about gender equality not making women better. Why can't we care for women? Is this not allowed 😂

user728282 · 2020-08-09T15:01:23+00:00

then get your own male Rihanna to fund for your own male shelters geeeeez

NihilisticBuddhism · 2020-08-09T15:32:17+00:00

I don’t mean to be rude but ask your male millionaires to open a male only shelter.

Don’t try to interfere with ours.

3dkanojo · 2020-08-09T14:30:07+00:00

maybe a famous man should care enough about his fellow men to help out? surely enough? no? not surprised.

Hour_Scarcity · 2020-08-09T14:38:51+00:00

Then let a man step forward and create a shelter for battered men.

Thr0waway0864213579 · 2020-08-09T15:11:19+00:00

And it’s somehow Rihanna’s fault, and not the thousands of male celebrities who haven’t done anything. Women are always being held responsible for men being useless.

seraphinelysion · 2020-08-09T16:13:20+00:00

Men: But what about men?

Me: What about them? 🙄

Sweetlikecream · 2020-08-09T18:14:34+00:00

Why the fuck can't male millionaires help men out then? Go Rihanna ❤️❤️❤️

vereelimee · 2020-08-09T19:07:51+00:00

So ridiculous. Men don't need shelters to the same degree because they aren't targets.

Even women living in shelters are at a higher risk. They have been followed from shelters and attacked because they are viewed as no one caring about their well being.

Men's shelters do exist. However, men do tend to be homeless more out of choice because they will not experience the same rates of violence living on the streets. Also because they do not want to abide by rules in place at shelters commonly including no drug or alcohol usage and a curfew.

Feeding hungry and homeless communities, I rarely saw women living on the street. They are rarely banned from shelters and soup kitchens for bad behavior. That is not the case for men who blame the people in charge for 'not liking them'.

PurpleProboscis · 2020-08-09T19:28:32+00:00

I fucking hate when people try to discredit acts of service by saying, "I know you helped some people, but you really couldn't have helped all people? Then what's even the point?"

First of all, it's downright disrespectful to the effort and thought put in to begin with. Second, it's not any one person's job to fix all the wrongs in the world, not that it's even possible. People can fix what they see or have experienced because that's how we build empathy at a community level. But most importantly, it sets up people to think their small acts of service aren't worth anything, which couldn't be farther from the truth. These people are the worst

BabyGothQ · 2020-08-09T19:31:18+00:00

I’ve said this 100 times, I’ll say this 100 times more:

Men, if you want the same “benefits” as women, DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF.

Do they know how much pushback and outright vitriol women have had to contend with for every “benefit” women have now?!

Obviously not, since they still think women have more rights even though we’re literally carrying the load of the fucking world. And all their laundry.

dahmerloveszombies · 2020-08-09T19:19:08+00:00

well then men can open their own shelters. no one gave these to us. women had to organize and open DV and rape crisis centers on our own. these fucking crybabies can do the same.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-09T15:29:37+00:00

Amazingly I haven't heard one story of a man murdered by his wife during quarantine 🤔

Fitncurly · 2020-08-09T16:26:25+00:00

Maybe rich men should donate and make shelters for abused men then, stop looking to “mommy” for help. But it won’t happen because men don’t care about each other, they just don’t want to see women help each other either (ESPECIALLY if it’s help getting away from men!).

uwubewwa · 2020-08-09T18:59:41+00:00

This isn't about abused men, it's about abused women. Some are terrified of men because of the abuse they suffered, there have to be shelters separated by gender. I'm very grateful that Rihanna did this, she helped people more than this anonymous person ever could.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-08-09T15:12:36+00:00

Yeah, all 3 of them.

redbirdflies · 2020-08-09T16:48:55+00:00

She’s is a shining example of how to high value. As a survivor of domestic violence, she rose above it and used her experience as a way to learn how to help others.

2020-08-09T18:48:24+00:00

Rihanna is funding shelters for women. Y'all made chris brown, you can have whatever charity work he does.

suspended_animation_ · 2020-08-09T15:40:03+00:00

It's emasculating for men to help each other out or to seek help. They expect us to do it or otherwise we are evil and uncaring. I think they need to just cut that shit out and make a change. Or is that just too much for them? If women weren't there for each other throughout history, would we even still be around? Surely by now, men know that women stick together. My ex used to complain about it like it was such a bad thing. I just looked at him like he was crazy. He didn't like that very much. But it it weren't for the things men tend to do to us, the additional support wouldn't be so needed.

This shit is just another thing for scrotes to complain about. If there were men's shelters, maybe Rihannia would fund it. Who knows

Davina33 · 2020-08-09T17:54:07+00:00

Rihanna is amazing! She is always doing great things like this.

throwawayathrowaway0 · 2020-08-09T16:58:09+00:00

I don't deny that there are men who are DV victims during quarantine, but this is her money, her time, her effort, and her history. Let her do what makes her happy.

munissa · 2020-08-09T17:59:52+00:00

My eyes are rolling.

Disastrous_236 · 2020-08-09T21:37:52+00:00

I don't mean to be rude I just mean to invalidate the struggles of millions of women ♥♥♥

lifeyjane · 2020-08-09T22:01:53+00:00

Come ON!!!

Rihanna was nearly MURDERED and she’s not allowed to donate her own money to women like her without people criticizing her with “But what about men”???

Come ON! Tone deaf. Self-absorbed. Missing the point.

amandine_tangerine · 2020-08-09T15:48:53+00:00

Then maybe a male millionaire should help them.. or they don't care..?

manisfestationqueen · 2020-08-09T16:53:25+00:00

Hey men! Maybe this is your chance to help him out! You can donate yourself if you are so concerned. There's many organizations that will take your $. Maybe ask celebrity men to help, I promise they have plenty of money.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-08-09T15:53:33+00:00

wHaT aBoUt MeN?!!!🙃

PottyMouthx · 2020-08-09T17:17:09+00:00

Funny how whenever a woman does something, men think it's a negotiation and they have a say.

Where are men and men's rights activists when men need help?

Mbg140897 · 2020-08-09T18:30:54+00:00

The way a man can make a woman feel when her perception of a man violently cowers over her warps her entire perception is something people like this will never grasp or understand. This person needs some serious educating. I’m sick of men speaking on things that they aren’t vastly effected by. Being a woman is hard a lot of the time. I feel as a woman that I’m not taken anywhere near as serious as a man.

CarrCamille22 · 2020-08-09T18:47:43+00:00

So fucking self-centered. Women have fought for their own safe spaces and men think they can just demand that we make efforts on their behalf.

sorshii · 2020-08-09T18:48:22+00:00

Ah yes, the 3 men this happened to during quarantine

zecountess · 2020-08-09T21:08:08+00:00

I swtfg this happens every time someone does something for women and I hate it. I’m all for equal rights but why tf do they have to step on someone who needs the help getting the help and squealing about how they too need help like... shut up. Like someone said here, why aren’t men opening shelters for abused men if that’s such a huge problem that needs solving??? Stop stepping on women who’re forced to live with DV esp now during lockdown receiving much needed help. Not denying it doesn’t happen to men, but I hate these people making everything about themselves

terrn1981 · 2020-08-09T23:15:17+00:00

Men expect women/feminist to fix their issues and fight for their rights.. Men will whine there are no shelters for men, but DO nothing to get them or fight for them.

Just complain women have shelters, but disregard the years of fighting women did to get them.

Should just fall into their laps like everything else has in history..or have women take care of their issues while they play video games.

MessiDannie · 2020-08-09T21:22:45+00:00

The idea that we are even having this conversation is insane... this idea that all have to be included when taking care of a vulnerable population is insane.

GenerousD-mensions · 2020-08-10T01:25:53+00:00

I've seen so many men commenting on female celebrities' posts about donating to or supporting organisations that help women experiencing/fleeing DV during the pandemic like this. Weirdly, you never see any of them in the comments of their favourite male celebs' posts "raising awareness" and encouraging them to do the same thing for male DV survivors like they do on women's!

moxymoxalone · 2020-08-09T18:38:59+00:00

You can bet that if there were a need for men’s DV shelters, they would already exist.

carachu · 2020-08-09T18:49:13+00:00

I saw a guy the other day say 70% of domestic abuse is the result of women hitting men...i dont think thats the case. Not to say it doesnt happen, but thats not the case

sadcello · 2020-08-10T08:41:14+00:00

Ask your male idols Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Warren Buffet or other filthy male billionaires then. 5mil is like buying candy for them. Fucking males always hogging on and feeling entitled of female resources.

BushGhoul · 2020-08-09T19:56:33+00:00

I understand men go through it too, but then why don't you start opening shelters for men?

MalloryDame · 2020-08-09T21:36:50+00:00

I don't mean to be rude but. Sit. Down.

immortallogic · 2020-08-10T00:54:37+00:00

Lol this comment is so utterly ridiculous and narcissistic and as usual, derails to "wHaT aBoUt MeN". That it doesn't even warrant being talked about.

greensciencegeek · 2020-08-10T04:19:08+00:00

well Johnny Depp could do something...

throwaway23004345 · 2020-08-09T16:38:53+00:00

Chile..... anyways

postapopaloptic · 2020-08-10T02:15:11+00:00

I don’t mean to be rude, and I know I literally never mention women’s issues or do literally anything to support them, but why aren’t we talking about men?

2020-08-09T20:57:57+00:00

Um, yes, you do mean to be rude.

gwen-heart · 2020-08-09T23:39:21+00:00

When I told a man that men can build shelters for themselves, he said that a feminist group shut it down. So? How many women’s shelters haven’t been in danger because their location was disclosed or has to constantly defend itself from being shut down?

I hate that abused men are used as props and for arguments sake women can’t do anything to help themselves because they aren’t doing it for everyone. Women are truly expected to do free emotionally and physical labor for everyone else.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-08-10T12:18:43+00:00

They can go and ask their hero millionaire Dan Bilzarian to build a men's shelter. I'm sure he cares.

juliet-elia · 2020-08-10T15:23:59+00:00

There's never someone mentioning that when it could actually change shit. Only when women are affected. Always. Because they can't stand it when the world doesn't evolve around them.

Title	Always about them 🙄🙄🙄
Author	kittyopuppy
Upvotes	1789
Comments	153
Date	August 9, 2020 2:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i6jzky/always_about_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/always-about-them.67015 https://theredarchive.com/post/67015

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