Ladies, let's talk about bodyshaming. I've wanted to make a post about this for a while now and been inspired recently by other posts on here and a story that has occured in my social circle.

Bluntly put: The vast majority of women have been bodyshamed or negged by men, whether that's their husband or some rando on a second date. It's not just you. It has nothing to do with your looks. It has nothing to do with you being unattractive. Yet, it is very important you look out for it and understand it, because it says a lot about the man doing it.

The first thing to say here is that men have eyes. When looking at a clothed person, it is very possible to make an accurate educated guess about their shape and level of muscle tone by using visual cues such as their size, visible parts of themselves, and ways of movement. Unless you wear professional corsetry that goes far beyond a flattering outfit and a well-fitted bra, every man you've ever met has been able to accurately asses what your body looks like the moment he saw you. That means that every man who you went on a date with, entered a relationship with, slept with, accurately assessed your body and decided to do these things with you- which means they found you attractive. Done. You can quit worrying about it.

So, why the bodyshaming? Why do most of us have a story of being poked into our size 2 stomachs and having imaginary fat deposits pointed out?

Because LVM, fundamentally, are aware of their partner's ability to do better than them. Your partner bodyshaming you means the opposite of you being too ugly for him. It likely means you're too attractive, too good, too HV for him. Leave. He's telling you what he is- an abuser, who will escalate.

Storytime: I recently heard that a man I went on two dates with a year ago has got engaged. I dropped him after the second date because he insinuated something about wanting me to exercise more. I am a 120-pound mountain climber and the comment just struck me as bizarre back then. When learning about his engagement, I learned that his now-fiance lost more than half her bodyweight and developed an ED dating him. Hearing that really struck me and got me thinking: There's no way he did not encourage the ED. But also, I very much doubt he really is all that fussy about his partner's size if he started dating someone who was initially bigger. He seems to be more into the abuse of it. It's an excellent example of men's bodyshaming being all about control and abuse and having nothing to do with your actual body- he did it to her just like he tried to do it to me, and we could not have looked more different.

I encourage you to think about when you've been bodyshamed. For me, it has usually happened when men first see me in my full glam regalia getup or in the days after they see other men express interest in me or show HV behaviours towards me. It's all about them noticing their inferiority.

I always left at the first signs of bodyshaming, whether they occur on the first date or six months into a relationship. That is something I am very grateful for. Hearing about that LVM's engagement just really made me want to reiterate it to my queens here: Protect yourself from insidious forms of abuse that aren't 'typical' domestic violence. Know that seemingly 'small' stuff like the occasional comment about a pouch can have devastating consequences. And know that it has nothing to do with your body.