Ladies, I was on a date last night. It wasn't too bad, but not too good either, and I decided to cut it short with a polite excuse.

To say good-bye, the dude and I exchanged cheek kisses, as is normal in our country. Accordingly, he's close to my eyes for a second.

And what does he say? He looks and me and goes: "You have such beautiful eyes, shame about the holes."

"The holes?!?!"

"Yes, you know, those two holes on the lower lid, in the inner corner of your eyes."

"Do you mean the TEAR DUCT OPENINGS? You know, those two openings EVERY HUMAN HAS, for their EYEBALL LUBRICATION?"

"Yeah, I suppose everyone has them. Yours just are so...hole-y."

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So Ladies, there you have it. I, 23, beautiful, smart, occasionally funny, am officially undateable because of my hole-y eyes. Grieve for me. I shall never find a date again.

I was so confused that I first thought he had said 'holy' rather than 'holey' and legitimately thought I was out in public with someone bonkers who thought my tearducts were sacred and my tears were able to cure leprosy or some shit. I just can't. I CAN'T!