I’m just so over dating at this point

Feministtiktok · 2021-09-13T04:47:17+00:00

I don’t know why, but always whenever i agree to be a man’s girlfriend he drops the high value act and starts treating me like I’m stuck with him so he can slack off and be a bad boyfriend. Before they’re my boyfriend, they’re on their best behavior. The moment I agree to be in an exclusive relationship, the men don’t care. I have a feeling this guy feels like he has you and that’s why he’s doing this.

asupernova91 · 2021-09-13T06:26:22+00:00

No one who wants to be with you is too busy. Ever. The guy could be a cardiac surgeon or an ER Dr. It they want to talk to you, they’ll find the time. I always roll my eyes at the people who go “not everyone is glued to their phone!”. Okay, well figure out what your call/text deal breakers are and do NOT cut him any slack. 5-6 hours? I’d block him and move on.

s_slayer · 2021-09-13T02:58:14+00:00

Drop. You deserve a man that makes you feel alive and wanted. F*ck these boring guys. Some guys don't like to text and prefer phone calls, they are the rare exception. If you have a texter and he can't find the time to text you, he's a DUD. Just drop his arse. They let you know early on who they are. I was skeptical of my guy but he told me upfront he wasn't a texter and preferred phone calls. He stuck to that and I followed through with him on that and he's been a great boyfriend. Others are just terrible at communicating and it's a safe bet that they are not relationship material. Most men these days don't seem to be. I've been strung along more times than I can count and I believe I'm a HVW. It's them, not you. Fwiw I found my boyfriend in a weird setting of a weird hobby. Maybe look elsewhere than OLD or bars. Men who love their hobbies are probably the best men you can find. If their hobby is drinking / drugging then forget that. Find active, fun men. They will treat you so much better.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-09-13T06:41:23+00:00

Fuck that carrot dangle/ bread crumb energy! It can catch you off guard and get you hypnotised but it always leads to a boring shit and waste of time situationship, that once ends will have you looking back wondering wtf you were thinking. Its a RP tactic no matter if he is doing on purpose or not, the reason its a tactic is because its psychological warfare creating false commodity of his attention which subconsciously drives its "Value" up and if your not careful its easy to get sucked into investing in a very boring and inadequate ZVM. Stay Woke!

Vivierex · 2021-09-13T08:01:00+00:00

It's my experience also. After I broke up with my LVX I gave myself some time for myself only. Then when I felt great I thought lets try maybe meet some people. Oh boy, such a mistake. Do all the guys follow some guide like "text her few times a day until you start dating then go no contact or respond after hours or days" ? What is this shit ? Then when I stop communicating because I'm not going to spam someone with messages they are like "are you ok? why are you so difficult ? I was just busy". Men go to the toilet with their phones and spend there 40min. It's nice you don't think about me while shitting but please don't tell me you were busy. Even presidents have time to post stupid stuff on the internet.

Platipus6 · 2021-09-13T04:55:51+00:00

red pill bs. "texting is for logistics only, if she's not eager to see you and fuck you, drop her".

Tactic is incredibly stupid and manipulative. As you're finding, it makes you believe the other person is not interested! Who comes up with this? Oh, people who target a specific type of anxious attachment :(

I mean, from a red pill standpoint, the tactic worked? He weeded you out and lost you. What a clown.

wavesandtea · 2021-09-13T02:29:16+00:00

Is it just me or does it seem like he is using some red pill-y texting tactics? It's not his usual pattern and it seems like he wants you to chase him.

NEXXXTTT (if you want, I mean)

vbych76 · 2021-09-13T03:27:35+00:00

The moment you have to find/ look for excuses for his "actions", is the moment you should drop him. He obviously knows how to do better. He just doesn't want to anymore. Stop gaslighting yourself.

amanda-manda · 2021-09-13T01:58:14+00:00

Playing hard to get or some Red pill tactic perhaps.

kurikuri7 · 2021-09-13T07:07:30+00:00

Yep!! My ex did the same thing. Used to text me soooo much and replied within reasonable timing. Near the end, he did not reply for at least 12 hours sometimes and everyday it was playing a guessing game of … was he gonna contact me today or leave me on read today?? And we were together for 7 months!!

He was so lovely in the beginning of our relationship ship and I started to noticed him weaning off and contacting me less so I asked why and if everything was okay and he said I was nitpicking! He was consistent until he wasn’t!

Consistency is KEY!

GigaKarenEnergy · 2021-09-13T05:03:19+00:00

Honestly, you’re probably right. He’s reading PUA. And the best response is to cut him loose.

I’ve had this same issue where we weren’t dating and the conversation was good but when we got together…it went to shit. I always got the impression he was also reading PUA or RP to get me to sleep with him or form a toxic attachment or get me to chase him. (Become a pickme)

swatir24 · 2021-09-13T10:15:39+00:00

This has happened to me so often. Guys will fall over themselves when they are "courting" me and the minute they know I'm interested in them, they stop making efforts.

Isn't this what happens in a lot of marriages too? As long as he is chasing you, you will see the best side of him. After marriage, they take everything for granted.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-09-13T03:31:47+00:00

Block and delete! He is not consistent with communication. If there’s a sudden change in the way he texts and he started having drier responses after you guys started dating, he’s starting to lose interest now that he knows he has you. You say he’s never dated before and he’s in his 20s. There may be a reason for that, maybe he has commitment issues or is emotionally unavailable. Maybe he doesn’t care to keep up the effort and is trying to get you to chase him. Though the reason does not matter because you know your worth. You deserve a HVM who stays consistent with his communication and makes you feel at ease. The right man does not play games and make you feel confused.

lessadessa · 2021-09-13T10:51:46+00:00

This could be the discard phase of narcissistic abuse. It’s when they’re done lovebombing you, they know they got you hooked and so they start pulling back, making you feel unsettled and like you have to keep working harder and harder to keep their attention and affection. It’s complete bs and incredibly toxic for your mental and emotional health. Drop him and leave before he wastes more of your precious time 🙏🏻

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-13T13:30:24+00:00

He was never your friend and now he’s playing immature games as revenge for you keeping him in ‘the friendzone’

Straight men are not your friends

OP I guarentee he was seething at you not giving him sex during your three year friendship and he is nowhere near as nice as you thought and red pilled

Also you would be stupid if you gave him the benefit of the doubt

He’s clearly been reading red pill shit and once they go down that hole lol good luck they hate women, emphasis on hate.

He was trying to get the upper hand & make you anxious. That isn’t a stable man.

The fact that he was talking to you fine before and is now playing stupid games shows he doesn’t have innocent intentions

lansburysoda · 2021-09-13T03:19:34+00:00

To most men nowadays, dating = manipulation. I’m so exhausted from being treated like a game instead of a human being. I’d rather be alone than be disrespected like this.

daglowup · 2021-09-13T02:02:10+00:00

Mirror the energy and see what he does. If he comes back more eager, he's playing some sort of weird game with you and you don't want him. If he disappears too, you have your answer. Either way, doesn't really sound like your future husband.

Eden199607 · 2021-09-13T10:17:14+00:00

If he wanted to, he would. It's that easy. Know your worth and never settle for less.

shedipity · 2021-09-13T01:32:04+00:00

i haven’t dated in almost a year, it’s been great. i’m just happy with myself and don’t feel the need to share this happiness with anyone else. 💕

Jekawi · 2021-09-13T10:45:26+00:00

Like, it might be PUA advice, which is awful, but I also noticed that the more I saw someone (girl or boy) the less I'd text them because I'd mentally checked out on the medium of texting when talking in person was sooo much better. Still, not a fan at all of people doing this to me. Makes me feel like I did something wrong.

InaneObservations · 2021-09-13T18:25:15+00:00

Honestly...this is a PSA for women everywhere, but if you come across a guy who has made it to the legal drinking age without having even gone on a date, it needs to be a hard pass. It's literally less work to date someone who's actually cute and knows how to talk to women.

These guys with zero social skills are only looking for the woman who will lower her standards enough to train him how to be a good boyfriend, so he can go after the women he really wants. That goes double for if they're into any TRP/PUA shit, since that's the primary goal of all that material.

Just refuse to be training wheels for losers. Push him off that bike, sis. Tell him that he seems to have lost interest, so he's been demoted.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-13T03:04:54+00:00

You aren't clicking with him. Clearly the convo is boring and dry, and not engaging. Just next him. I don't know if it's necessarily some intentional manipulation voodoo, but clearly whatever this is isn't working for you.

red_peril_ · 2021-09-13T01:58:58+00:00

“People are busy”

Yes, and people MAKE time for the people that they consider priorities in their lives. That’s not to say that someone should be expected to always be at their SO’s beck and call within minutes, but there should be an effort…and people make an effort for those they care about.

My best friend of ten years who is basically a sister to me is a school teacher and I’m a vet tech, so we are both very busy. But we always make an effort to text or call once a week or so just to reach out and it’s balanced between the both of us and not one sided. When we do catch up, the conversations aren’t dry and one sided because we both care about each other and enjoy talking to each other.

If he doesn’t even treat you like a friend, he’s not it.

lu-mitzy · 2021-09-13T10:23:16+00:00

I think I read somewhere (maybe on this sub) that if a guy really likes you, he wouldn't want you to be confused about his feelings towards you, he would always want to show you he likes you and cares for you. So I think if he's using some weird red pill tactic or keeping the convo dry to string you along it sounds like he is being a bad boyfriend and maybe doesn't like you genuinely. I think you can just leave, because you don't want to deal with this rubbish as a husband or a boyfriend of a few years even if it continues like this.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-09-13T19:24:58+00:00

I hate to say it but he’s not interested anymore.

It was the chase that excited him, not you. He probably sees you as a challenge and wanted the validation of winning you over. Some men love that, especially if you’re lukewarm to them at first.

They feel bored after they win you over and it’s on to the next challenge.

This type of man usually has low self-esteem too and uses female validation to build himself up. Since he doesn’t think highly of himself, his opinion of you will also drop after you become interested in him.

It’s the whole “he wouldn’t want to be part of a club that would have him as a member.”

It’s hard but I’d probably tell him things just aren’t working out and move on.

fdsThrow2021 · 2021-09-13T06:49:48+00:00

Lv men became dry and with 5-6 hr breaks between texts after we started dating. They want to appear busy (with “options”) and they are afraid of rejection so if it won’t work out they can convince themselves/their lv buddies that they didn’t even want it to. Anyways, low self esteem 🚮

I also don’t think he’s losing interest (and I think it stems from the socialization of “not good enough”). He already knew you so it’s not deep enough yet for him to lose interest in your character + men don’t date women they don’t find attractive.

FUBARfromLSA · 2021-09-13T19:14:24+00:00

So this may not be a popular opinion and will probably come across as a little harsh- but why are you investing so much energy on trying to figure out why this guy is treating you in a less than courteous manner?

It’s clearly not because of you or that you’re ugly unless you’ve suddenly grown hideous since your last date.

He has changed from being friendly and a potential boyfriend candidate to being kinda fucking rude tbh.

Your boundaries SHOULD be being treated with courtesy and respect by EVERYONE, your girlfriends too.

When someone crosses that boundary, either address it or move along. If I don’t like whatever bullshit answer he comes up with to excuse his very different texting style, I personally would block him.

Too busy for basic courtesy? I think the fuck not.

Probably why he hasn’t had much success at dating even at his advanced age.

lvoncreek · 2021-09-13T12:27:41+00:00

Yes he probably reads or watches PUAs. Find someone who treats you like a human being.

AnniaT · 2021-09-13T13:06:45+00:00

I'm not a fan of texting relationships and prefer to leave the conversations to in person dates and not talk over text besides planning the dates by text and good night and good morning texts. I also can't reply right away if I'm working, then people have to wait 2 or 3 times until I get the time to read and reply. However if you have a pattern of texting with someone, then them suddenly not texting anymore is not about being busy but instead a shift in priorities or approach. No one is that busy that they can't send a text here and there in a timely manner. I can't use my phone at work but always get time to send a text or two. Nowadays people live glued to their phones so yes, there's no such thing as being too busy to reply to texts in a timely manner.

Determinedblonde · 2021-09-13T07:00:48+00:00

Yet we’re brainwashed into thinking male friends would make great bfs 😕

ferociouslycurious · 2021-09-14T02:04:32+00:00

Yeah some men drop the high value act sooner than others. Some do shortly into dating, some right after marriage, some after a few years of marriage.

warinmymind94 · 2021-09-14T19:56:18+00:00

Ah he is bread crumbing and doing the slow fade game. Next!

I feel your frustration. The effort drops off. Then gets less and less. I can't even be friends with someone who doesn't make an effort to get to know me or check in on me so why would I accept that in a potential relationship? Hell no.

2021-09-13T09:49:45+00:00

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Title	I’m just so over dating at this point
Author	mini_baguette
Upvotes	723
Comments	88
Date	September 13, 2021 1:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pn5f5b/im_just_so_over_dating_at_this_point/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-just-so-over-dating-at-this-point.1069000 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069000

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