Never going to date a broke man ever again.

disco-banjo · 2020-03-13T15:57:08+00:00

The entertaining their false goals point is very real, and I am so done with this. Stop complaining about something while doing nothing about it and blaming the whole world for your lack of motivation.

InayahDaneen · 2020-03-13T18:24:23+00:00

[deleted]

Davina33 · 2020-03-13T15:27:21+00:00

Well said. My stepfather was a useless, violent alcoholic. I didn't even get anything to eat because that bastard pissed our money up the wall. I saw my mother so stressed out all of the time. I vowed never to do that myself. I've never dated a broke man. Don't do it to yourself ladies.

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-13T19:56:02+00:00

Its obvious that there are lots of broke males/stay at home sons down voting everything 😂😂

Men of means would never have this type of time on their hands😂😂😂 Too busy closing deals, producing, and developing to be spending time during the work day cruising a women's forum.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-13T15:27:08+00:00

AND they will try and borrow money from you. Even if you make the same. Or less.

ordnance23 · 2020-03-13T17:48:36+00:00

Broke men almost always have ambition with zero execution. He’ll tell you about all his business ideas that he will never make an effort towards. When you get tired of being his cheerleader, he’ll resent and project all his failures onto you.

spin_the_globe · 2020-03-13T15:54:15+00:00

"Crabs in the pot" mentality. They'll take what you have and pull you down with them into broke-ness, and be upset if you try to lift yourself out without pushing them out first. If you push them out first, see ya! You'll be stuck in the pot.

Childishness. They're shitty with money because they're basically children, with a child's sense of responsibility and empathy. Children can be taught these things. Grown men, not so much. Do you want to be his mommy or his partner?

Sewud · 2020-03-13T17:12:12+00:00

My LVM ex had way more expensive tastes than me and made me foot the bill of his tastes. I was someone who took one international trip a year and made it really worth it. I went to third world countries and traveled by public transport and ate cheap food and did a lot of free camping in the mountains. I'd do so much with the only big expense being the plane ticket once a year.

My LVM ex lived in a third world country, but he refused to use public transportation or to eat cheap food. He made me pay for expensive hotels, expensive restaurants, all stuff I would have never gotten for myself. He even required dumb commodities like $12 Starbucks coffee (in a country where you could get a full restaurant meal for $2 if you went to the cheap places). He was disgusted by poverty and obsessed with status. When I was alone, I would take the ¢10 minibuses to get around the city and use the cheapest buses to get between cities. When I was with him, he only wanted to travel by plane or luxury taxis. That's right, he insisted on flying between cities within his country. This is in addition that he made me travel from my county to his country multiple times a year with no concern for how much all of this was costing me.

What did he do with his own money? (Okay the money he got from his dad.) He spent it on weed and cigarettes and going out with his friends.

detectivejuicee · 2020-03-13T19:07:26+00:00

I dated a broke guy who tried to manipulate me into feeling guilty for wanting an employee I hired to perform well. He couldn't understand why. I said because I'm the boss and it affects how much money I make. He then tried to make me feel guilty for making money. What a loser.

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-03-13T18:53:46+00:00

finally they will make you feel guilty for even going 50/50. You’ve got money and they know it. So you can pick up the tab right? They are the masters of saying “relationships are all about giving when the other is in a bad situation” but surprise surprise you’re the only one giving for so long at the end. Save your money it’s not worth it.

So true--I lived this! During my Barbara the Builder years, I had an unemployed boyfriend who was a few years older than me. My mindset was that it was "shallow" to not date him just because he didn't have a job. What I ignored was that he also had crippling student debt (we're talking over $40K), lived with his sister in her husband's house, and was emotionally bankrupt. He wasn't a horrible guy but he never paid for anything because I am pretty well off and had a stable job. He also had little to no life experience because when you're broke, you can't really do much.

On my birthday one year, I went to dinner with him and my sister. When the check came, he sheepishly handed it to me so I could pay for it. I was floored because I thought out of all the times I picked up the check, surely the only time I wouldn't have to do it was DURING MY BIRTHDAY. NOPE--being a Barbara the Builder with a dusty boyfriend means having to foot the bill at all times.

"But he didn't have any money, how could he possibly pay for it?", you ask.

Well...the thing is, he did have money. Now that I was paying for dinners and doing most of the driving, this dude saved up enough money to buy himself a new MacBook. He was working as a freelance artist so money wasn't steady but it was enough work to save up for a laptop.

Even when he had money, it wasn't used to further our relationship or thank me for having his back when times were tough. They were still used on things he wanted.

detectivejuicee · 2020-03-13T15:53:35+00:00

The third bullet point is so real. Having kids with a broke man/being the kid of a broke man is a god damn nightmare. My dad currently isn’t as broke like he used to be but he has a permanent poverty mindset that makes him spend like crazy. He thinks that he has to spend any lump sum of money he gets on a new get rich quick scheme as if he’ll never get the chance to make money again. He won’t save or make any useful, safe and long term investments.

Some examples: He bought a drone because he thought he could start a business doing aerial videos of weddings. He bought a professional camera because he thought he was going to produce short films that would get prestigious awards and make him rich and famous. Now he’s dropping tens of thousands of dollars into a “business” he’s starting with his friends.

I asked him when he’s going to start saving money for my sister’s college and he said my sister won’t need to go school because his business will be so successful that she can work for him instead. He thinks I will eventually quit my job and work for him too.

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-13T15:13:18+00:00

If you get knocked up, and you choose not to terminate the pregnancy, the farther away from broke he is, the better.

Single mom life is a whole lot less stressful when a c-level executive is making it rain every month on schedule. He gave me a large sum of money to purchase a new car on my daughter's 1st birthday and we dont even speak.

Zurflu · 2020-03-13T17:47:59+00:00

The false goals thing is HORRIBLE. My boyfriend owes me money right now (I know, big mistake on my part, don't roast plz) but constantly talks about how he wants to renovate a school bus into an RV. I straight up told him I don't want to hear a single word about his bus dream until he has paid me back. Now instead of "here's how I can afford a bus one day" it's "here's how much of each paycheck I can give back to you".

My ex boyfriend from college would talk about how he wants to buy a plane once he gets a job. Boy shut the fuck up you're making me cringe

Deep-Blackberry · 2020-03-13T18:56:31+00:00

Personally, I'm allergic to being broke. I grew up in a single mother household, paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to go through that EVER again or bring a child into the mix that way either. During a long distance relationship, in my dumb pick me days. My broke ex couldn't keep his phone on "allegedly", it was one of those cheap tracfone's where you paid for minutes. So, I'd buy his minutes, which was 30 dollars so we could talk. We did use skype, but sometimes you just want to text someone or call someone quick, you're not always going to be near a computer. It was a nightmare. He was "working" at a gamestop, but always broke.

I can't do it.

Now the last guy I was dealing with, A lot I mean a lot of this rang true. He had these unrealistic goals of making it big on twitch. Trying to become the next big thing on the platform. He lacks personality big time, and couldn't maintain his audience. I'd give constant solutions on how to improve and keep an audience. He just wouldn't do any of it, then would get burned not bothering. He could easily have been making an easy 1k a month, but he didn't want to put forth effort into being successful. When the money would stop coming in, guess who'd take his frustration out on? Yeah, me. Dreams are fine, as long as you have a back up plan, but I've never met one who does.

2020-03-13T15:48:43+00:00

Ugh. So relatable. The only LTR I’ve had was with a perpetually broke guy and honestly, looking back, it was the worst mistake of my life. Half of our relationship was long-distance, so I was pretty emotionally invested by the time I erroneously moved across the country for him.

I honestly didn’t care that he was poor at the time because he was working hard on his education and would’ve had very promising career prospects, so it’s not like he was a bum. But it felt like he grew to resent me for having better life circumstances and being more financially stable. We never even had sex because I was still a virgin and didn’t get comfortable enough with him to take that step. He’d push and pull me so much emotionally that I just never felt secure. It was a weird relationship.

Toomanyprollems · 2020-03-13T18:48:23+00:00

Yep. I agree with your post 100%

Something that I will add to the "upgrade" idea: It isn't just that they want a "better" woman (well maybe they perceive the new woman as better I don't know). They want a woman who has never seen them broke. A woman who has seen them broke knows they ain't shit but a woman who has never seen them broke will see them in a better light. This is just my opinion, speculation. But It has to do with their standing and the woman's perception of them.

Dimethylchlorine · 2020-03-13T17:19:25+00:00

“So long broke men” 😂

Remember the trope where the woman leaves the man when he loses his job? It’s funny because Only until I went through it I REALLY saw what this was about. It’s not about the job or the money it’s because so many bad traits come out when they lose a job. They They even start resenting you because you are thriving. Ex lvm started complaining a lot (made comments on how women had it easier with job hunting), he mentioned felt weird hanging out cause I was the one making money. He used it as an excuse to not take me out, call or other things that need to be maintained in a relationship. And somehow I was in the wrong for not being understanding after 6 long months.

jenniifrmdablock · 2020-03-13T16:38:52+00:00

Broke mentality: even if they do run into money, they’d rather blow it on shit to flex than save it. And if you want to go on a date, guess who they’re going to guilt into paying?

PunnyPrinter · 2020-03-13T15:23:11+00:00

Good, don’t do it. A man should enhance your life, not drain you or be useless in it. This world has structured itself to give men benefits and privilege that oftentimes comes harder for women, especially in the area of employment and upward mobility. A man who has failed to harness this isn’t one I would ever be interested in.

lailaaah · 2020-03-13T19:33:40+00:00

I'm still a financial wreck after getting out of an LTR with someone who was constantly broke. They went back to school (I took out a loan to pay 1/3 of the bill, bc it was their 'dream'), then stopped doing any of the work because 'anxiety'. They said they'd get a job, but if I ever offered to help job hunt, they'd freak out and say I thought they were just a burden. Then they said they'd go freelance, but only ever pitched one piece of work, while I paid for their fancy website hosting.

All their clothes (paid for by me ofc) came from Gap and J Crew, while mine came from charity shops and were all ten years old. And then they'd complain that they didn't have better clothes and wear mine instead.

Excited to have my own damn money and wardrobe to myself again, let me tell you.

coloneldjmustard · 2020-03-13T16:28:30+00:00

A broke man will never be truly happy with you because the very fact that you need to support him financially emasculates him. He will be frustrated with the relationship and won’t know why. Then you’ll break up and he’ll find a woman he can support. A man NEEDS to provide. It’s biological.

This is why a woman cannot give, give, give. My last BF was on the struggle bus. But he was hot and nice so I said let’s see what happens. The first time he asked me for gas money I should’ve said no but I figured “hey we’re in this together babe.” Then there were more times after that. I even ordered birthday gifts for his daughter for him that he never paid me back for. I gave him my spare laptop so he could start online classes... eventually he began to sense his debt to me and it made him feel inadequate. He didn’t say this but it was obvious in his behavior and attitude.

vp2407 · 2020-03-13T16:16:39+00:00

In reference to an FDS post from 5 days ago absolute worst case is they resent you for not giving them money and saw off your children's heads in front of you.

2020-03-13T20:07:43+00:00

I work really hard for my money and have fought for what I have. Why would I add a broke male parasite to my life?

magiquex · 2020-03-13T21:52:54+00:00

Omg yes! Around this time I dated a broke guy for the last time. He had a full time job when we met, nothing great but it paid host bills. He owned his place so I saw that as a mark of maturity. He soon lost his job after we met and was unemployed for a while. He never cooked, never had food in his fridge. He got a part time job at a book store and seemed happy just doing that. He couldn’t afford to do anything, I paid for shit a lot. That got old for me quickly because I make enough to have some fun things to do. Instead of saying he couldn’t afford it, he would get defensive and childish about it. When I complained about having no food when we planned on staying in at his place he would say I don’t need food, I prefer to fast. But he would binge on junk food any chance he’d get. He’d get argumentative when I tried to explain that it’s cheaper to agent a few staples and cook at home. He just wanted a mommy to pay for everything. Once I recognized his mentality I bailed. I won’t make that mistake again.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-03-13T15:22:23+00:00

This is why I believe in hypergamy. Don't tell yourself you can't do better in social class. I am not saying you have to date a billionare old dude, but I will only date someone who makes more than me (at least 6 figures)

inthelapofthegods_ · 2020-03-13T22:52:39+00:00

These are always the guys that claim women are “gold diggers”, too. Like, you have no gold to dig for. So what are you so worried about?

isaiah5417 · 2020-03-13T18:41:27+00:00

I've been with 2 broke guys. One was exactly how you described, always making me pay for stuff, always whining about needing money. The other is my current partner. He does not ask for money, even when he barely has 20 dollars for gas. He never expects me to pay, ever. When I do, he thanks me and asks if I'm sure.

saydeesalt · 2020-03-13T20:39:06+00:00

100% can confirm. My ex is an alcoholic, he’s financing more shit and upgraded to a thinner, dumber version of me. Single mom too. I’m sure he is reassuring her that he’s the “man of the house” and built all this himself when in reality, his total debt ratio is over 60%. More like 80% if you don’t count his VA disability income

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-03-13T17:10:00+00:00

I only want to add that I think this depends on the guys situation. For example, working minimum wage and spending money on video games and being broke is bad. Working a 100k+ job with growth trajectory and using that salary to aggressively pay off student loans at a faster than scheduled rate, which then leaves you broke every month, is a different story. It depends on the purpose and intent I think.

chungkingxbricks · 2020-03-13T19:28:33+00:00

Agreed! All good, sound points, and can confirm the accuracy. I’m done with broke dudes too. My longest relationship was with one and he constantly blamed me for his brokeness, claimed I was a gold digger (that’s why I dated a broke ass for years and years), and ultimately was just a whiny narcissist. Call me what you may, but I deserve better. I’ve never not had a job, pay for all my shit, have my own place, a couple of pets, etc. Why settle for a lame ass male? Good sex ain’t worth it either.

TriSarahFlops · 2020-03-13T19:09:29+00:00

The fact that it’s a man’s world and they can’t even be successful at life in Easy Mode gameplay is telling. They’re probably failures in so many other things.

thinkpinkhair · 2020-03-13T23:34:01+00:00

I dated too MANY broke men because I wanted to be loved and adored. So far I was the best they ever got, I not only picked up the tab but slept with them too! I had no self worth. Now I knew some good guys were out there, but now since joining this group my eyes are open and for every guy who has tried to manipulate me, test me, get a free dinner, or sex has been left.

SpaceGoat88 · 2020-03-14T01:08:34+00:00

This is honestly a really good point/observation. It isn't about wanting to be a gold-digger or kept woman or whatever. We don't (not all of us, if you do that's fine too, girl) need material things to be happy... we just need to be with someone who's happy damn. Being broke and bad with your money is stressful. Why would you want to build a future with someone who 1. can't get their shit together and 2. is literally never happy when they're with you? It's not about the money, it's about how the LVM acts when he's constantly lacking it.

ThrowawayPhotoshop11 · 2020-03-13T18:52:21+00:00

To preface this I am a woman. So I have a few learning disabilities and I can never get enough hours since I’m bad at almost all low wage jobs. Am I low value? I get disability for a different disability too I love working and I’m hard working but if I get a job the gov will say wow you’re cured! And get me off disability which is ridiculous. I have a boyfriend who treats me like a queen but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve good treatment

Valuable-Guide · 2020-03-13T21:33:49+00:00

I dated a guy when I was really young who was broke. Granted he bought me Tiffany's, food and crazy expensive things for himself, too. Always did stuff like that - turns out while he spent all of his money buying crazy things for me and himself he was actually stealing from his job.

So he got arrested for that and told me like I was supposed to think that was really sweet.

Low and behold he had terrible impulse control and was a cheater. Shocking.

SecretServlet · 2020-03-13T23:32:46+00:00

After my last relationship left me with no money to buy food, I vowed never to date a man who earns less than me and I found a keeper. Better to be single than raise a manchild I can't even claim on my taxes.

ivy176 · 2020-03-14T00:19:39+00:00

SOOOOOO TRUE.

I married a broke man. I paid for our wedding. I thought, we're both young (though he was 26), he'll mature and he'll find a job he can stick with. NOPE... I became the breadwinner for nearly 5 years while he resented it, even though he forced me to! He was so angry that I had money and worked, yet he refused all jobs. He got so resentful that he started hitting me.

He was convinced that he'd start a music business and screamed at me if I reminded him that getting $100 every few months to do something you think is fun is not working. It's not like he gave me one cent towards bills anyway.

Don't date broke men! They have serious issues.

So any guy that has the nerve to call me a gold digger, consider that I had a gold digging big fat angry baby leaching off me for my whole 20s. So I deserve a man to take care of me now if that's what he wants to do. Fuck LVM who think my partner shouldn't pay for things. He ENJOYS buying me things.

Roseroserosey · 2020-03-14T00:22:44+00:00

I said this in my Valentine’s Day post and have been better off since I broke up with the broke guy. Guys get so mad when I say I don’t want to date broke guys, but those same guys are the ones who only date “9/10 or higher” or “DD cups only” or “won’t date x race”. Their shallow preferences are fine, but ours are unrealistic, cruel, and unjustified. I feel no shame about it. I’d rather be alone than miserable with some broke guy again.

InayahDaneen · 2020-03-14T00:52:44+00:00

Notice it’s usually broke men who complain about women rejecting them. A woman’s beauty, body and companionship is priceless. They expect women to sleep, cook, clean for them for free 🙄

WimminCritter · 2020-03-14T01:43:27+00:00

Lmao my worst LVM ex was unemployed living with his parents even after he graduated college.

One time I was giving him advice on how to find employment, and he snapped back, "Easy for you to say! You have a job!" Like, uhh, yeah dude, that's how it works... I know how to successfully get a job because I have one...

9penguin · 2020-03-14T04:14:51+00:00

There're too many resources for men available to be financially stable, there's literally no excuse at all. Women have been hold back financially for so long and so badly, we still find ways to be successful. There's really no reason for men to be broke other than laziness and mental illness. Run.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-03-14T13:40:14+00:00

My bff once dated a guy who was super broke. He was doing a PhD and got a tiny stipend from the Uni, and "couldn't" work a part time job because he was too busy.

She always had to go to him and ha g out in his filthy apartment with his 3 male roommates because he couldn't even afford a bus pass. Then he refused to get a job he felt was "beneath" him after graduating.

Fuck that guy forever.

helena939392 · 2020-03-20T11:37:56+00:00

Been there, done that. Also the last point is very true, once they start making money they will blame you for having to pay you back some debts. If they start making more money, they won't help you as you did. They won't support you in bad situations like you did. And they will probably upgrade, or start pushing you away when they start finally making money, as was said in the article. It's super hurtful and inhumane. I will never go for that again. Why should I give without ever getting back anything? Why do I need to be both the man and the woman of the relationship, when he's being a child? I am an average earning IT professional, and my ex was an airline pilot. Somehow it was always me paying for everything and him owing me a four digit amount of money. He was always running out of money. I don't even understand where he wasted all his money, and honestly maybe it was better I didn't know, maybe he paid for prostitutes or something because he also refused to have sex with me. I paid for everything, and all I got back was bitter and terrible treatment, obviously because his LVM self esteem was even more hurt for being such a loser in every aspect. Life is definitely better even in corona quarantine alone, than it was with him ever.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-03-14T19:19:46+00:00

I have a broke ex. I think I was 20 and he was 25.. We were together for 3-4 months. I have my own car and I roomed with an old friend at the time. He lived with his grandparents, no vehicle of his own.. he really liked me and my car. He was talking about getting a job as a security guard at a nearby mine, but needed to go to a city 40 min away for training every week. He was like “Hey maybe you can take me in your car?” I told him no. Boy didn’t even cover enough for gas. I gave him a ride once and he gave me $7 in gas. I live in CA where it would cost $30 to fill up my tank. I gifted him a starbucks frap once and he was like “OMG U R THE BEST GF EVER” (seriously? over a frap?) and in return he gave me a used lip gloss from his mom’s bathroom. Pretty embarrassing, but that’s how we learn right?

When I broke up with him apparently it affected him really badly. Like he was having nightmares and keeps in contact with a local pastor for guidance. He is still single and broke. I leveled up and upgraded since then.

Title	Never going to date a broke man ever again.
Author	detectivejuicee
Upvotes	621
Comments	127
Date	March 13, 2020 3:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fi1098/never_going_to_date_a_broke_man_ever_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-going-to-date-a-broke-man-ever-again.680288 https://theredarchive.com/post/680288

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