I highly encourage snooping, it's a form of vetting, and vetting never stops. Look at your date's phone, your boyfriend's phone, your husband's phone. Their computers and tablets. All of it. And it has to be said: If you strongly feel the need to snoop, there's a reason your gut is telling you so. If you feel like you're going to find something you probably will. Looking is likely only going to validate your fears. So brace yourself.

  • search keywords in his messaging apps. Everything from sexual words to your own name. See if/how he talks about you

  • search for misogynistic slurs to see how he talks about other women (and possibly you as well)

  • look out for nicknames that he may use to refer to you to avoid being caught talking shit

  • some phones have a "privacy" mode that is turned off and on via password in the settings. It's capable of hiding photos and apps. See if he has that option activated, and if he does, try and see what he feels the need to hide

  • look at his app store history and see his recent searches. They'll download and delete an OLD app every day if they can get away with it

  • many phones have a "dual app" feature where you can download a second copy of an app (snapchat, messenger, etc) to use other accounts. Look for duplicate apps hidden in folders, check his phone settings and see if they have activated the feature

  • check their browser history and look for any extra web apps. Many of them will use a separate browser for porn

  • check his screentime stats. He'll swear he only uses something like snapchat/whatsapp/messenger for you but he will spend hours a day on the app doing god knows what

  • check if he has any "intruder catcher" apps or similar. If he does, delete any records of yourself

  • if he's up to no good and finds out you're snooping, he will only up his game in being sneaky and thorough to delete everything before you can get to his phone. Don't tip him off

Don't even bother addressing him if you find something alarming. End it there and don't worry about explaining yourself. You'd just be giving him advice to hide it better from the next woman. I'm sure you ladies have some great additions for this list as well.