Stay away from self-proclaimed “brutally honest” men

NinjaCynic · 2022-02-11T19:58:25+00:00

And yet they can never take anyone being brutally honest with them. Cue the testerics.

BoxingChoirgal · 2022-02-11T19:57:46+00:00

Yeah.. "brutally honest" is pretty much code for having a mean streak.

sexualfoodpantry · 2022-02-11T21:16:31+00:00

Examples of positive "brutal honesty":

You deserve better than this.
I saw your boyfriend on Tinder.
You have spinach caught between your teeth.

Everything else is abusive BS.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2022-02-11T19:58:43+00:00

They can never take it when you're brutally honest back. Not about them anyway. Then they whine about how mean you are .... or get angry, depending on the type.....

askmeabouttheforest · 2022-02-11T19:44:53+00:00

Ain't that the truth!

Every "brutally honest" guy I've known was big on the brutality, not so big on the honesty.

Funny how that goes...

warinmymind94 · 2022-02-11T20:08:11+00:00

100% facts. Often times they will try to act like a "nice guy" because "im just being honest with ya would you want me to lie? I'm communicating!" When really he is being a lvm scrote. These are the dudes that will neg and gaslight you. Run!

mashibeans · 2022-02-11T20:45:43+00:00

LOL, "brutally honest" people are just assholes who want to abuse you without wanting you to react.

And like others said, 100% these same people absolutely CANNOT handle it when others are just as "brutally honest" towards them. Just see them go around talking about how you "traumatized" them with your meanness.

lybid8 · 2022-02-11T21:38:24+00:00

Same scrotes who defend their right to be brutally honest, are not going around being brutally kind, brutally successful, brutally handsome etc.

111-8675309 · 2022-02-11T20:07:52+00:00

I went on a date once with a "brutally honest" man who felt the need to mention I'm not his usual type. The date ended with him following me to my car crying. He started yelling and I turned around and said "You need to stop making a scene" and got in my car and drove past him sitting and weeping on the sidewalk.

slayeroftruth · 2022-02-11T20:55:30+00:00

When man says he is brutally honest he is emotionally abusive and sensitive. These guys can't take truth even when saying it in kind way let alone brutal honesty.

amarrakesh · 2022-02-11T20:04:15+00:00

"Brutally honest" is just a euphemism for asshole without social skills. Most men lack social skills, but these ones delight in actively hurting your feelings with their own inadequacy. We should stop taking their social deficiencies so personally.

Part of the social contract is lying by omission to allow people their harmless pleasures, habits. It's polite and demonstrates that you respect another person's agency to be as they are, so long as they aren't crossing your own boundaries. Men are notoriously bad at this, because they don't recognize women as people. You'll notice that most of the time these 'brutally honest' men aren't quite so brutal in their honesty when speaking to their male peers.

It's all just an excuse to denigrate the things you like, while the only things you're 'allowed' to like are, surprisingly, the things he also likes. Amazing how that works, isn't it?

espressomeowtini · 2022-02-11T21:40:30+00:00

Spot on. “Brutally honest” is code for “I’m a fucking asshole, I am going to neg you and say offensive things about everything under the sun from your appearance to politics… why are you getting upset, I’m jUsT tElLiNg iT LiKe iT iS!!!11”

It’s a cop out to push boundaries and be an unfiltered POS under the guise of being edgy and speaking their mind. Hard pass.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-11T19:56:44+00:00

Ugh yes. And watch for the passive aggressive ones who reply to your opinions with things like "lol interesting." I just had to cut off a long term male friend for this and other things. And they get hella defensive if you express an opinion! We're both in our early 30s and I was excited to finally be able to level up and replace the last of my crappy Craiglist furniture from my 20s and he got all defensive with "whAt dO yoU mEaN?" because he has a nasty 15 year old couch and uses moving boxes for a coffee table.

queenofswordsxxx · 2022-02-11T21:07:58+00:00

In the words of Taylor Swift “Casually cruel in the name of being honest”

hotspray56 · 2022-02-11T19:55:58+00:00

you’ll notice those type of guys use the excuse of “having an opinion” to gaslight you into believing that their harmful beliefs are valid rather than validate your very understandable visceral reaction towards their harmful beliefs, hence the word “snowflakes”

“Omg I’m just saying that i would prefer women who were my bang maids, it’s just an opinion, what would happen if the situation were reversed?” THATS THE THING BRAD, IT CANT BE REVERSED BECAUSE MEN BEING BANGMAIDS WERE NEVER A THING!

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-02-12T03:19:09+00:00

Men using "brutal honesty" as an excuse to be cruel are cowards. It's as lazy as the "I speak in sarcasm" men 🙄

jjlew922 · 2022-02-11T20:44:58+00:00

These men are 100%, hands down, narcissists. Their grandiosity and superiority complex is straight out of the diagnostic manual for Narcissistic Personality Disorder!

ElyonVonTiri · 2022-02-11T19:51:35+00:00

God yes! This has always been a huge turn off for me, and I suspect for more women than they realize. This goes for all men in general who say this or act accordingly. They’ve always been the rudest and most disrespectful. Insulting me or anything the first chance they can. They can’t honestly think that behavior is attractive. Then again, some men do thrive on being a shitty person.

fingernmuzzle · 2022-02-12T13:45:05+00:00

A quote I’ve seen: “Your brutal honesty? Ain’t nobody asking for that. Where is your clever honesty? Your compassionate honesty? Your insightful honesty? Uplifting? Poetic? Empowering? Take your brutal honesty and go sit in the back with all the devil’s advocates”

gold_sunsets · 2022-02-11T21:15:35+00:00

These types also typically can't handle ANY kind of constructive feedback or requests to alter their behaviour. Ironically they interpret others as attacking and criticising them.

This post also goes for friends.

Handbook worthy!

hotspray56 · 2022-02-11T19:52:47+00:00

when you realize “brutally honest” guys only use “brutally honest” as an excuse to never change their shitty attitude

aziza7 · 2022-02-11T19:59:33+00:00

They will also neg you in the name of BrUtAl HoNeStY. I had a virtual date and then went out with a guy and spent the day kayaking. It was going fairly well. He wanted to cook me dinner but I was exhausted and didn't want to go to his house on a first date. We scheduled a second date then he was being weird about wanting to reschedule. Then he confessed that he's reconnected with his ex who he had told me was just a non-serious covid thing. I dropped him and he kept contacting me once a month for months to try to go out again until I eventually blocked him. He said that he told me that just because he was "trying brutal honesty". I enjoyed giving him a piece of my mind whenever he would rise from the dead like a zombie though.

bambina133 · 2022-02-11T20:28:03+00:00

i’ve experienced this so many times its sad

Namtara · 2022-02-11T21:47:54+00:00

I feel like "brutally honest" is part of the teenage rebellion phase for people who were bucking against hypocritical adults that tried to force kids to pretend things were okay. But kids eventually realize that there's a purpose to soft lies and that they've been unnecessarily cruel in the name of "honesty."

There is no reason for adults to act this way. They should have realized the negative effects by now, so sticking to this sort of behavior just means that they enjoy being cruel.

Next_Perspective_411 · 2022-02-11T21:39:21+00:00

oh man someone used those exact words the other day when I mentioned a singer "That? That thing is trash" - I was thinking, wow that's a really strong response for not liking a singer who affects you in no way shape or form.

There's so many other ways to say you don't like something but I think this is way that very intentionally cuts you and your opinion down.

Thank for posting this, because I hadn't thought of it that way prior.

ItsFreezen · 2022-02-11T21:56:08+00:00

These Scrotes have a Tantrum when being brutally honest with them. Pathetic.

toothfairyyx · 2022-02-11T20:34:40+00:00

So accurate. If they start trashing other women’s choices, music taste, style of dress…it’s a giant, glaring red flag that you’re next!

legoflowers · 2022-02-11T23:25:05+00:00

Same thing with men who say “a light roasting” is an indicator of a healthy relationship.

IndianDesiQueen · 2022-02-11T21:10:20+00:00

100% these are the type of men who dodge accountability by saying they were just being honest and then say shit like I don't wanna sound like an asshole or respectfully... before FDS I thought I met a great guy and he said both those phrases and to no one's surprise, he was a raging misogynist and ghosted me. yep never again.

karabnp · 2022-02-11T22:14:22+00:00

Ugh. YES. Horrid horrid “people”.

I had found a long time ago, that one who proclaims themselves as “brutally honest”, is their self-given excuse to be a raging asshole with zero remorse.🙄

MamaGia · 2022-02-11T22:44:06+00:00

Ugh. I was guilty of this unkind, selfish behaviour. I learned it from my male partner who treated me like that. I, in turn, treated others in my life this way, and I'm so sorry for it now.

He would say terrible things to me, and I'd ask him not to, and he'd say "why? It's true." And when I was young and stupid I thought he was right.

Why shouldn't I tell someone their idea was stupid? Why shouldn't I tell them I don't like their hair cut? Why not tell someone they are fat? Why not tell someone their essay sucks? Why not tell them they suck at their hobby? It's all true - I'm just telling it like it is!

I'm sorry I took on his traits, and I'm sorry to the people I hurt.

Hexibelle · 2022-02-12T01:09:22+00:00

I had an experience with self professed brutally honest man, who then tried to neg me, and when I called him out on it, he stopped replying. He didn’t appreciate my brutal honesty… Men who are “brutally honest” are just assholes and I don’t talk to assholes anymore.

Edit: typo

bog_nymph · 2022-02-11T22:54:56+00:00

A dude blocked me after I messaged him first based off of one of the answers to a prompt. It was like worst date ever and he said: Got told I was being too much. I asked what’s too much [his name]? He said “I have a morbidly honest sense of humor about myself,” and I was like “ohhh I get it now, it was a bad date because you overshared some shit with a stranger that should’ve been said and kept in therapy!”

He even replied after that but he seemed really surprised that I would even say that. Something like “oh well no not like that,” then blocked me 😭 I’m sorry but when I think “morbid sense of humor” I think like dead body toilet humor.

So many other ways to describe a dark or cheeky sense of humor in GENERAL, but then he of course had to add that his humor is mainly about himself. Not funny, didn’t laugh, plus so much for that sense of humor since you couldn’t even take a joke that was literally about you. 🙄

lolmemberberries · 2022-02-12T03:56:51+00:00

They're the definition of dish it out but can't take it.

EsotericKnowledge · 2022-02-23T18:57:37+00:00

“I’m just being honest. cAn’T i hAvE a pRefErEnCe???”

jesus fucking christ are you quoting someone I know?? fuuuuck

For me, this always came after him negging me and if I was any kind of upset or called him out on it, it's "I'm just being honest. Are you asking me to LIE? Do you expect me to LIE TO YOU? I can't help what my PREFERENCES are, you can't judge people for what they find attractive!" ... First off, the fuck I can't. [real life example incoming] Second off, if you are talking to post-weight-loss me about how you thought I was "so cute" and you would have "definitely bought me drinks all night" but you "never would have fucked" me when we are looking at a picture of me when I was heavier, how the shitting fuck am I supposed to take that? First off, I'm aware of the statistical reality of large weight loss being usually temporary (spoiler alert, years later, most of it was), and second off, the person in that photo is still me. He continued to get more defensive, saying "What is your problem? You DO know that you don't have to heroically defend fat people anymore, you aren't one of them anymore!" I was honestly fucking speechless. And these sorts of things came up all the time about immutible physical traits I have like eye color. ALL. The. Time. It was like he was constantly looking for reasons to devalue me or to confirm to himself that I was not his dream girl/ideal woman/idealized ex, which he of course used to justify fucking everything with legs as long as it wasn't me.

AutoModerator · 2022-02-11T19:31:56+00:00

[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates!
[2] - Listen to The Female Dating Strategy Podcast
[3] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.
[4] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.
[5] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
[6] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Stay away from self-proclaimed “brutally honest” men
Author	Serious_Papaya8615
Upvotes	1215
Comments	71
Date	February 11, 2022 7:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sq7ik6/stay_away_from_selfproclaimed_brutally_honest_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/stay-away-from-self-proclaimed-brutally-honest-men.1101196 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101196

Comments