Yep...

NowTruly · 2021-02-28T00:40:55+00:00

Don’t throw hate at me, but I found it really reassuring to read “don’t use highway rest areas”.

I’ve done a lot of cross-country road trips in my life. I love driving, and I love seeing new places. I’ve gone everywhere with my dog. But if I ever got tired and needed to rest, or my dog needed a potty break in the middle of nowhere .... good LORD, what a stressful experience.

Those places literally look like the backdrop of a true crime show. I’d treat each bathroom like a Marine flushing out insurgents in Fallujah. I’d only walk my dog within sight of my car, constantly watching for shifty motherfuckers. And if I had to sleep, I’d only close my eyes for a few minutes, buckled up and ready to peel out in a moment’s notice. Some places, I’d just “nope” out without parking, trusting my gut with my life.

THAT SHIT’S EXHAUSTING.

As depressing as that state of affairs is (and it’s really fucking depressing) ... it’s genuinely affirming to see that I’m not alone with that.

BrooklynBabe33 · 2021-02-27T22:13:33+00:00

Men ask why women are so pissed off, even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He's done it with hundreds of audiences:

"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other. Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.' Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

(The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)

classic_falafel · 2021-02-27T22:18:40+00:00

This reminds me so much of:

What would you do if you were alone on earth for one day?
Women--> Taking a nice long walk through the park at night.

And Parking Garages are my nightmare. Quite similar to waiting at night at railroad crossings.

jargon_explosion · 2021-02-27T22:43:18+00:00

Women are also hypervigilant of their surroundings, especially when alone. I listen for footsteps approaching or speeding up behind me. Watch for shadows. Look for feet or signs of someone hiding. Switch sides of the street if I feel like someone is too close behind me or has been behind me for a while. Watch men's hands when they pass me. Etc. And this is all when I don't even feel afraid.

You can call us paranoid but I always trust my gut. Pretty sure it's saved my life or at the very least saved me from being stalked or assaulted. Once I felt like I was being followed and even though a part of me thought I was being crazy, I trusted my instincts and sure enough I was being followed by a guy who had asked my friend out on a date and whom I had just met because a group of us went with her to meet him. After we all went our separate ways he decided that he would follow me home to get to know me.

ChocoPie998 · 2021-02-27T23:44:25+00:00

BuT MeN cAn bE sExuALly AsSauLteD toO

Of course that’s true, and it’s awful when anyone is assaulted regardless of gender, but it’s funny how most men only bring that up when women are talking about their experiences. The risk of sexual assault doesn’t permeate their everyday lives the way it does for us, yet scrotes want to make it all about themselves (like usual)

foxfaebae · 2021-02-27T23:27:16+00:00

Make three left turns if you think someone is following you. Then you know for sure

DallasOMalley · 2021-02-27T23:26:51+00:00

Not only am I angry that I have to do these things, I'm angry that living like this feels normal.

karabnp · 2021-02-28T03:20:52+00:00

It’s EXHAUSTING.😒

I’m exhausted after reading that.😒

strcrssdvoyager · 2021-02-27T23:08:11+00:00

I didn't start making sure my car doors were locked until maybe 2018 when I parked my car in a grocery store parking lot, started putting on chapstick because I didn't want to grocery shop with dry ass lips and a man walked up to my passenger side door, bent down and peeked into my fucking window. I made eye contact with him and he quickly walked away.

What. The. Fuck. Men?

PrettyPopping · 2021-02-28T00:18:02+00:00

To also add I have to admit I dress down most of the time in public so I won't be harassed by creepy men especially when I know I have to take the bus.

Ketolove604 · 2021-02-28T01:36:14+00:00

Yep, and I heard "don't park beside vans" the other day.

asoulwhoseintentions · 2021-02-27T22:58:56+00:00

What’s wrong with first floor apartments? That’s what I usually choose for convenience. But I guess they get broken into more?

sacchilax · 2021-02-28T04:31:27+00:00

I didn’t even realize the eye contact thing was a thing. But I DEFINITELY DON’T do it. I make SURE to make eye contact with men on the street. To say “I see you AND I can identify you”.

I’ve found that making that eye contact makes people back away. 🤷🏾‍♀️

breadandbunny · 2021-02-28T04:35:56+00:00

I remember asking my boyfriend if he really couldn't think of any reasons why a woman might not like to walk alone at night.

illuminatedkopf · 2021-02-28T01:23:47+00:00

For those who live on first story apartments/homes; Get a metal door bar, it props up underneath the door handle. Ive got one on every door, and theyre $20 at Walmart for extra peace of mind. Also tinted window coverings or blurring ones that let light thru only. Get cans of wasp spray, it sprays long distance and is blinding. Leave boots or "beware of dog" signs by your window or door. Keep safe out there 🙏

ughnah · 2021-02-28T02:46:27+00:00

I had this debate with my friend who is a male but gay. He doesn’t agree with me and say things like “but men get sexual assault too” and go as far as “well have you been sexual assaulted before?” “Not every female get assaulted anyway” and I told him about an experience where I was hesitate to say no to sex bc I felt like I was obligated to do so since we already started.. and sometime I look back and wish I’ve never finished the sex. And he was like “see because you didn’t say anything so that’s how you might ended up getting rape anyways” and it was just WOW!! I couldn’t believe that came out of his mouth. He is not even straight. And he believes men and women are always equal.

Affectionate-Cut-460 · 2021-02-27T23:00:59+00:00

The elevator one is fuckung real... when I lived in an apartment and I would go home late from work, for some reason, I would always end up in an elevator alone woth a man going up to my apartment. They'd either try to talk to me or be silent until I get off and then they say "have a nice night" fucking predators, immediately makes me feel like I'm powerless and fear for my life

Pudge_thefish · 2021-02-28T03:45:57+00:00

This really messed me up only because I’m seeing these all typed out. Like in my head I know to do all of those things, because it’s just second nature, but to see ALL OF THESE written down...fuck.

bklyn4ever · 2021-02-28T04:15:05+00:00

🤦🏽‍♀️The accuracy

ugly-princess · 2021-02-28T12:13:39+00:00

I live in a large city and there's an app that alerts me every time there is a cop called to an area within a couple miles from me. They give a description of the incident and other information. I see 'woman with pepper spray' show up a lot, and I'm terrified someone passing by my house will notice my pepper spray on my house keys and call the police on me because they notice I have a weapon. It's my only form of defense.

I used to keep one spray in every bag I use but my boyfriend begged me to put it on my house keys for ease of access. Even when he leaves the house with me, especially at night he asks me if I have it.

Almost came in handy last week when I was catcalled waiting for my food outside a Chinese place because I made eye contact with him while checking my surroundings.....at like noon on a Friday. I hate that I can say my pepper spray is useful and comforts me.

fitnurse6 · 2021-02-28T06:57:05+00:00

I went on a date with a new guy and would bring my drink to the bathroom with me. He thought that was so odd. When I told him I’ve been drugged not once, but twice... idk I really hope that made him think.

mtan15 · 2021-02-28T12:46:16+00:00

This thread is just reminding about time after time I've had to deal with this stuff, but this one makes me sick to my stomach. I was 6 months pregnant and grocery shopping and this guy just couldn't hide the fact he was watching me and was creepy and just happened to be around every corner i was. I didn't stop seeing him and then he checked out right at the same time so I went as fast as I could to my car and locked the door and sure enough, within a minute he's flapping his arms at me waving a $5 note, telling me I dropped it. I paid with a credit card. He proceeded to tell me to just open the window and he'll give it to me. He was so persistent. Not a chance bud... I'll never forget it

SpaceC4se · 2021-02-28T10:55:01+00:00

and even when we remember to do all of those things they still find a way to blame it on us. We are forever being compared to the image of a perfect victim and our lived experience is invalidated when we don't match up with that image

RadioactiveLandfills · 2021-02-28T03:38:06+00:00

And pumping gas, I always look over my shoulder

AlexxyaKat · 2021-02-28T10:28:09+00:00

But men aRE MoRe frEQUenTLy a vIcTIm of a CrIMe !!1!

/s

horrorqueen797 · 2021-02-28T09:37:34+00:00

I've never personally had a problem with pdfdrive it's always worked great for me 🌹

misohappie · 2021-02-28T02:22:09+00:00

It's sad that we have to watch out so many things to be safe....

soundslikeautumn · 2021-02-28T10:24:27+00:00

This is the most important topic we discuss on this sub. Whenever a post like this pops about about women's safety measures that we MUST take in this world I always send the post to other women in my life or talk about it with them We can never be too safe, ladies.

MiaWallace995 · 2021-02-28T13:07:31+00:00

I would drive to my office (40+km everyday, on a scooter) in all black clothing. When i returned at night i would always make sure to look and drive like a man. Always pants, a jacket, shoes and full face helmet. Would never dress in feminine/ethnic clothing (they're already a hassle while driving but, more with creepy ass men staring).

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-02-28T21:30:41+00:00

I almost missed my bus to work today because I had to slow down as I thought a man was following me.

hijabae_ · 2021-02-27T23:46:39+00:00

This makes me feel sick

Colorful_Dreamer · 2021-02-28T03:56:34+00:00

This is heartbreaking

WhoopassDiet · 2021-02-28T08:49:26+00:00

I only do a hand full of these.

Of course I carry a cell phone, and lock my doors and windows with double lock, everyone should. I don't wear headphones outside because i prefer not to get run over.

And of course none of the 90s stuff applies, who even has a landline or an answering machine? Cabs take cards, so I guess I always have cab fare?

Am I living dangerously or am I just horribly privileged?

PrettyPopping · 2021-02-28T00:56:49+00:00

What’s up with parking garages? My school mainly has those.

lvoncreek · 2021-02-28T09:37:38+00:00

What is wrong with first floor apartments?

capresesalad1985 · 2021-02-28T12:59:08+00:00

I just got a frenchie and I feel so unsafe walking him at any time without my bf

Ananoriel · 2021-02-28T01:03:31+00:00

"Own a firearm"

Wat. Isn't that way too much?

Title	Yep...
Author	BrooklynBabe33
Upvotes	2094
Comments	127
Date	February 27, 2021 10:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ltymgb/yep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/yep.747560 https://theredarchive.com/post/747560

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