Is this really humor Cosmopolitan?

theromanianhare · 2013-06-14T01:03:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Hateblade · 2013-06-14T05:03:09+00:00

So let's see if we got this right. To get back at him, even before you've confirmed he's done anything wrong:

Poison him.

Steal from him.

Hack his email.

Steal from him.

Degrade yourself.

Destroy his property.

Assault him.

Poison him.

Assault him.

Did I miss anything?

ButterMyBiscuit · 2013-06-14T00:54:49+00:00

I'm no lawyer, but even I know, more than one of those is a bit illegal, well, at least a civil case in which the perpetrator would lose.

jpaul3211 · 2013-06-14T02:52:40+00:00

"Because violence is empowerment!" is the message they are sending.

"Men are disposable and don't have a right to complain" is the mentality they are encouraging.

ThePigman · 2013-06-14T02:08:05+00:00

Misandry aint real, haven't you heard?

SpanishGuy · 2013-06-14T01:16:42+00:00

As you probably know, most of the Amanda Todd's bullies were girls.

I wonder where do girls learn so much cruelty.

Sarstan · 2013-06-14T06:45:07+00:00

Numbers 2, 3, 5, and 7 are all theft/destruction of property (to clarify about the ring, it's considered a "conditional gift". The condition being marriage which clearly is not going to be followed through on, so the person who gives the ring retains ownership).
Number 4 is defamation of character. A civil suit waiting to happen.
Numbers 1 and 9 are clear acts of harm to the person, but likely will be brushed off.
Number 10 is blatant battery. Civil or criminal suit waiting to happen, mattering by which direction the victim wants to go (if hospital care is needed, civil suit would go further for damages).
Number 6 seems to be the only level headed action here. Passive aggressive, but at least it's clear and to the point.
Cosmo is out to get their readers into serious shit.

Funcuz · 2013-06-14T01:32:42+00:00

Hmmm...well, if that's all fair in Cosmo's playbook , I don't suppose they'd mind the corresponding advice for males.

That would be a list they'd find perfectly reasonable , I'm sure. Something about super titty-twisters , crushed ovaries , drained joint accounts , and repainted cars.

Yes , we all know it would go down so well.

themightycanuck · 2013-06-14T01:52:39+00:00

I am no lawyer, but if any of those were done to me I would ruin their lives.

andeathSWE · 2013-06-14T09:32:15+00:00

If you think your woman is cheating on you. Act like a responsible adult and...

Ask her if she is.
If the answer was "no": Go find out.
If the answer was "yes" or if you found out if was true: Break up
Go bowling with your mates.
Profit.

madmax1091 · 2013-06-14T10:38:29+00:00

Am i the only guy without a vintage convertible?? :(

MechPlasma · 2013-06-13T23:44:21+00:00

Yup. That's Cosmopolitan for you.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html

kempff · 2013-06-13T22:14:39+00:00

They forgot #11: ask for New York State in return for not destroying him in the press

libertasmens · 2013-06-14T06:20:07+00:00

10 Things to Do if You Know Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

RUN! Nothing you can do!
Hit the Gym
Get a Lawyer
Delete Facebook

4 Things to Do if You Think Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

Try to improve where you find yourself slipping in your relationship
Take time for self-reflection
Ask

DetaxMRA · 2013-06-14T07:44:07+00:00

It's interesting to me how a number of the options assume the man's someone of means... a very nice car, has big meetings, prized sports equipment, big TV, great diamond ring. Plus the picture of arnold. It's all coming together. It's all code for "Hate the masculine, middle-class or higher, straight, white, male". Ah the left.

saxman481 · 2013-06-14T02:07:34+00:00

i don't even understand #3...does she buy a hugely expensive diamond ring for herself with his money, or flip him off with the ring on the middle finger to make some kind of point?

RecQuery · 2013-06-14T10:46:15+00:00

Weren't both the chili powder (number 1) and ball crush (number 10) things sex tips in a previous issue. They really need to make their minds up.

woundedstork · 2013-06-14T05:59:12+00:00

I made a gender swapped version here.

COSMIC_HORROR · 2013-06-14T06:03:50+00:00

Yay, girl power! Let's all perpetuate negative female stereotypes about crazy ex-girlfriends!

tone_ · 2013-06-14T08:39:32+00:00

Surely most of these could get you into a lot of legal trouble?

Who would be stupid enough to actually do th.... oh... it's Cosmo.

MRMRising · 2013-06-14T19:37:27+00:00

Thanks Cosmo! You just created 100+ MGTOW's. We are doing fine actually, but, more the merrier.

Quintrell · 2013-06-14T01:56:46+00:00

no, it's what Cosmo calls "advice." the worst part is some people actually take it as such

Roro-Squandering · 2013-06-14T02:05:05+00:00

Yeah I wouldn't even do these if he was verifiably cheating. I'd probably confront, likely forgive, depends on the frequency of the offense, but never petty revenge. Tiger Beat is more adult-oriented than Cosmo.

2013-06-14T12:26:28+00:00

This is what female privilege looks like.

anthemlog · 2013-06-14T04:26:07+00:00

Violent female reactions to their lover's affairs is a bit ironic. He's cheating on you. What did YOU do wrong? Why would he date another women if she wasn't better than you?

dysgraphia_add · 2013-06-14T08:09:21+00:00

Sigh, Cosmo. You are going to get very sued soon.

NyoZa · 2013-06-14T09:41:41+00:00

I can not believe how fucking biased this is... Just, wow.

tom2991 · 2013-06-14T10:02:28+00:00

oh, the hypocrisy...

Quonsoe00 · 2013-06-14T13:33:09+00:00

Hmm lets go through this list and see which things are illegal although I doubt the police would ever charge her.

Assault.
Theft (if not married).
Theft depending on the state. Most states make the women give back an engagement ring if the marriage never takes place. Some make the women give it back only if she ends the engagement.
Unauthorized access to a computer system.
Theft (if not married).
Not illegal unless the person is under age, which many cosmopolitan readers are. Then it would be child pornography. Also, the male would be the one to get into trouble for being in possession of child pornography.
Destruction of property.
Not illegal
Poisoning. It is illegal to put any substance into someones food that they would not reasonably expect to be there. I would include ex-lax in this list.
Assault/Sexual Assault.

So according to my list, 8 is the only one that isn't potentially illegal.

Good job cosmo. You are giving wonderful advice to the teenagers and young adults who read this magazine. /s

gsettle · 2013-06-14T15:16:40+00:00

"Women" always assume you are cheating. It's like the cops, they know somehow, some way you're breaking the law. They just know it!

McFeely_Smackup · 2013-06-14T16:05:33+00:00

Cosmo isn't really misanthropic so much as just desperate to put words on the page in a different order than they've done before, but still about the same subjects as 100 times before.

Imrealhighrightnow · 2013-06-14T18:05:09+00:00

Serve up Ex-Lax brownies to gibe him puh-lenty of time to sit and think about what he's done.

Exactly you poison him. You should always poison someone that you think is cheating on you. /s

2013-06-14T22:14:44+00:00

Things to do if you think your SO is cheating on you.

1) Find out first.

 A) If they're cheating, break up with them. B) If they're not cheating, proceed as usual.

Why is that so fucking hard?

Klang_Klang · 2013-06-14T10:07:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BalllsackTBaghard · 2013-06-14T10:12:12+00:00

Revenge fantasies are cute.

sizzletron · 2013-06-14T12:59:21+00:00

You know how many times I thank my stars for finding the last decent woman alive? A lot, that's how many times...

bromley1 · 2013-06-14T13:25:46+00:00

There are some seriously and dangerously mentally.ill,women out there who should be getting help, but are instead writing for cosmopolitan.

Morichalion · 2013-06-14T13:41:31+00:00

There was a subreddit specifically to make fun of the crazy crap in cosmo.

rustyfencer · 2013-06-14T13:52:32+00:00

Those all sound illegal...

Personage1 · 2013-06-14T13:58:56+00:00

This reminds me of people pointing to MSNBC and saying "look, liberals are stupid." Who the hell watches MSNBC? Who the hell takes Cosmo seriously?

Marx0r · 2013-06-14T14:31:10+00:00

"We don't have all the details, but we're sure Maria's not at fault at all."

Yeah, sounds about right.

keith_weaver · 2013-06-14T14:32:01+00:00

If she tried #9 on me, the joke would be on her. I already spend 3 hours on the toilet browsing .

TwattyMcTwatterson · 2013-06-14T14:32:17+00:00

I don't get it. Why is The Terminator standing next to Skeletor?

Foreskin_Jizz_Bomb · 2013-06-14T14:36:12+00:00

How do we know this is a real article, it doesn't even say Cosmo anywhere on the page.

2013-06-14T15:21:07+00:00

I think this is more of a satire than comical humor. It isn't funny, but it's the "let's say all the things we wished would happen to the world's worst cheater!"

I get that these things aren't "funny" at all. Believe me. I was surprised to see them in print. Maybe a rationial letter to the editor would be appropriate?

darksoldierk · 2013-06-15T14:22:16+00:00

Disgusting article. Shameful that people support these kinds of articles by purchasing this horrible magazine

theskepticalidealist · 2013-06-15T20:28:14+00:00

Wow "think" a man is cheating, not even "know" but "think". I'd have said this has to be fake it's so ridiculous

DeargDoom79 · 2013-07-14T00:18:33+00:00

If this was the opposite then it wouldn't be allowed to publish. It is "articles" like this that make me disinterested in pursuing women (and the fact the last time I did I was humiliated in front of a lot of people which crushed my self confidence.)

theguyfromaustralia · 2013-08-06T11:07:34+00:00

I have a warped sense of humor. I thought it was funny. However I would like to see one what men should do if their girl cheated. ...(no wait...that would be just encouraging violence against women and shouldn't be tolerated lol)

Decibelle · 2013-06-14T14:44:56+00:00

You guys need to check out /r/ShitCosmoSays - most girls agree that it's bull, as well. :)

I'd never do that to a partner of mine. Not without proof, anyway.,

seekfear · 2013-06-14T14:54:07+00:00

eeeehhh... my FIRST QUESTION IS... WTF is she doing with the keys to my vintage convertible?

EmperorFishFinger · 2013-06-14T10:52:44+00:00

Yes, it actually really is humor. Geez.

P_and_his_chat · 2013-06-14T07:32:12+00:00

Guys. Most women dont think like this. Its just a bad attempt at humour and shouldnt have been written, but there is no message. I guess theorectically if you were in a relationship with someone like this, youd have to take the blame for getting involved in the first place. Take it easy.

5_by_5 · 2013-06-14T01:58:53+00:00

as a woman i fucking hate cosmo, but have any of you considered the possibility that this is a JOKE?

Title	Is this really humor Cosmopolitan?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	818
Comments	219
Date	June 13, 2013 10:02 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1gaqdx/is_this_really_humor_cosmopolitan/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/is-this-really-humor-cosmopolitan.1171301 https://theredarchive.com/post/1171301

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10 Things to Do if You Know Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

4 Things to Do if You Think Your Girlfriend Is Cheating