Do you know your partner's N count?

dontouchmybutt · 2019-08-27T15:36:41+00:00

I ask and have been asked

Notanalt4859384 · 2019-08-27T15:38:38+00:00

It does hold a little weight for me. We know each others body count.

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-27T16:58:56+00:00

A few of the women I've been with have told me (mostly these were women with little or no sexual experience). However, most of the time a guy can just estimate based on the woman's statements. A few of the women I've been with were clearly well into triple digits. Most adult women (i.e. over 30) seem to have had between 10 and 30 partners.

FereallyRed · 2019-08-27T15:43:14+00:00

You'll never really know.

So it's completely junk data.

wtknight · 2019-08-27T17:35:30+00:00

She has told me and she knows mine. Both are very low numbers.

2019-08-27T16:44:50+00:00

Talked about it a couple times and he told me he was a virgin, I was too so we didn’t have any issues

shoup88 · 2019-08-27T20:57:18+00:00

Yes, but only because we were both virgins when we met.

Which would have clearly been obvious on both sides once we had sex, haha.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-08-27T16:57:14+00:00

I don’t even know my own n count lmao

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-27T16:35:02+00:00

I didn't ask nor do I care but he claims it's in the triple digits. He's 54.

blackedoutfast · 2019-08-27T18:41:18+00:00

you don't need to know the exact number, all that really matters is if they have a typical n-count, or significantly higher, or significantly lower. and that's usually easy to figure out if you have enough experience with women.

poppy_blu · 2019-08-27T15:38:21+00:00

No. He doesn’t know mine. We’re not hiding it from each other, we just don’t care.

I haven’t been asked by anyone since I was 19. Asking over a certain age makes you look insecure and inexperienced.

I get that there are people for whom it’s important. No shade. Do you. Ask away. It’s just never been important in the circles I travel in. You all (men of PPD) would do well to accept this fact and if you want a woman who is inexperienced, look in the appropriate places where such women exist (churches, ultra conservative communities, your home country, etc) rather than being perpetually mad that all the hot white women on tinder aren’t virgins.

katymarx · 2019-08-27T15:53:38+00:00

I know almost the exact # because he's a monster and documents. Haven't looked at his spreadsheet in a few years though because I'm much mentally healthier when I don't probe too much.

strangelovesglasses · 2019-08-27T16:03:37+00:00

yes and i don’t care

Ofourkind · 2019-08-27T16:04:16+00:00

He might have told me in general conversation at some point, but I forget

pnadlerlaw · 2019-08-27T16:43:18+00:00

I never cared about any of my partners’ n-counts.

The only person who really cared was my wife. She kept asking me about my exes and past relationships when we first started going out. It got to the point where I had to make a timeline and pretty much itemize them like it was some kind of CSI episode.

Even then, I still didn’t ask her about hers. Honestly, because I didn’t care. Not that I didn’t care about her, I just didn’t care about her past relationships.

But she volunteered the info anyway. She’s slept with over 100 guys. She used to have sex for money when she was in high school. After high school, she only had sex with one other guy before we met. I’m assuming this isn’t the kind of thing any woman would lie about.

Texastentialism · 2019-08-27T16:49:50+00:00

Don't know his and he doesn't know mine, although we could both probably make educated guesses. I've never asked or been asked, by him or anyone else.

jingle_hore · 2019-08-27T17:06:19+00:00

no, but I have an idea. I think it is about half of my own, maybe even less. He specifically said he didn't want to know mine even though I offered.

uniqueeleni · 2019-08-27T17:18:13+00:00

I’m not that concerned in the sense that I wouldn’t reject someone for having slept with 1 or 20 people. I’ve asked my boyfriend out of plain curiosity, so I know his but he didn’t ask me back and explicitly told me that he doesn’t care, so I haven’t told him mine.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-08-27T17:32:19+00:00

Yeh dont care

f0e_paw · 2019-08-27T17:52:43+00:00

Does it really matter?

PrehistoricPrincess · 2019-08-27T18:43:54+00:00

Yes. I had an ex ask once and when I told him I was a virgin, he refused to believe me (we hadn't slept together). Maybe it was the fact that I was in college, or that I was attractive. But honestly that just pissed me off--why would I lie? Relationship did not last and, you guessed it, was never "consummated." My next relationship--with my current fiancee--he never asked, and I never offered that information, until things took a sexual turn--which is basically when it was necessary to tell him I didn't have any prior experience. Didn't bother him. I asked him his count out of curiosity at some point, and I think his answer was around 10 or so. Don't recall exactly. We were both around 21 at the time.

AnarchoNAP · 2019-08-27T19:11:17+00:00

I know my husband's. He never asked, but when he told me I took that as my cue to tell.

Guessing seems really stupid. You're either giving someone too much credit or punishing them for something they haven't actually done. I've never been in a relationship with anyone else, but I have had guys tell me or tell me that they didn't keep track so they didn't know. With one guy I hinted it was low. I didn't tell the others anything as I didn't feel like it unless they expressed interest back. Which is weird now that I think about it because why were they telling me.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-08-27T19:45:15+00:00

How would I know when he has no clue?

rosyandthemachine · 2019-08-27T20:10:32+00:00

he doesn't even know his ncount

Triadfamilyties · 2019-08-27T22:41:40+00:00

I generally find out N Counts on the first date.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-08-27T15:48:46+00:00

I knew my ex-husbands, but solely because it came up in some random, unrelated conversation (we weren’t talking about N counts per se). He had a roundabout idea of mine, but didn’t care

In terms of the guys I’m casually seeing now? I don’t care - there’s no commitment or anything, and we haven’t slept together. But I wouldn’t care even if we had ... Everyone’s over the age of 40, I just presume there’s some level of promiscuity in their pasts. I don’t really want to hear the details

ayeayefitlike · 2019-08-27T16:29:18+00:00

Yup. We told each other fairly early on - and to me that was important as we were thinking long term, and I would hope we aligned in terms of attitudes to sex.

CainPrice · 2019-08-27T15:53:50+00:00

Never. Even when your partner tells you, you only know a fraction of it.

It's the rule of thirds. There's the third she actually tells you about, the third she doesn't tell you because she doesn't want you to know, and the third she hasn't thought about in a long time and doesn't even remember.

Every casual girl thinks she's less slutty than she actually is and doesn't consider herself a slut. She thinks whatever she's done is perfectly normal, average behavior for a single adult with an active dating life and can be explained away by not meeting the right guys and having a normal, respectable amount of fun. Every single casual girl feels this way.

There's no sense asking or grilling them. She's forgotten a third of her past casual sex and is going to hide another third of it. The only metric you need to know is if she's slutty or not. 99% of women who hit their late 20s and still aren't married are slutty.

wekacuck · 2019-08-27T15:57:51+00:00

Well, I know what my wife told me. It wasn't a guess or question or anything it just came up as we were getting heavy (we were both virgins and nervous about disappointing each other and aligning expectations).

But... that was 20 years ago and do I really know...? Can anyone?

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2019-08-27T15:40:09+00:00

I knew my 2 year LTR's n-count and that of a few FWBs (the latter volunteered this without much hesitation). A handful of other casual partners... no clue because I had no serious intentions whatsoever so didn't care.

lefactorybebe · 2019-08-27T15:41:58+00:00

Yeah I know his cause we've talked about it before. Also I knew him during high school and we have mutual friends so although the college years were a mystery, I knew a lot of his history and knew what kind of guy he was.

I was never really concerned because I already knew him to be a guy who was generally a serial monogamist and unlikely to have been around too much. I think I found out the actual number and experiences over the course of a few nights spent drinking together until 6 am lol.

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-27T15:58:52+00:00

My ex-wife asked me. I didn't know off the top of my head so I made a list that I added to for quite some time as I slowly recalled less memorable encounters. Turns out she was #57.

Of course I asked her too. If she told the truth I was her 14th guy.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-08-27T16:11:27+00:00

Yep. It helps that we were best friends who talked about our love lives with each other for years. It also helps that neither of us are jealous people. Theirs is four; mine is somewhere close to triple digits. It hasn’t played much part in the bedroom other than that I have more experience and this more often take the lead in adventurous stuff.

downvotesanimals · 2019-08-27T16:16:17+00:00

Nope. She'd tell me if I asked. But nothing good will come from me knowing, or vice versa.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-08-27T16:17:23+00:00

30-50 depends on how you count a 4some with 3 girls etc. I'd care about n count if I wanted to get married but I dont so I guess I dont care about n count?

do you explicitly ask your partners?

I ask if sexual history comes up and it makes sense. The only answers I'll say no to are 0 and triple digits

FlareGER · 2019-08-27T16:21:41+00:00

You know, I have had just a hand full of partners. In general, I think from myself that I know what girls want - and am able to find out if I don't. Simply a good feeling of reading females bodies.

Because of that and because of the extremely confident and open minded way I am, people assume that I've got a lot l, like really a lot of partners. Which isn't true. To questions of friends I do neither answer with yes nor no. This usually makes them think it is a "yes", but it's just their assumption.

My partners then get to assume the same. I only tell them the truth if they really want to know AND a long term trust has been established.

As for my partners, I've not known exact numbers, only vague words like "just a few" or "many".

From experience and intuition I think that for many (not all) people it is indeed true that men push the numbers up and women push the numbers down.

PadThai42 · 2019-08-27T17:53:30+00:00

She’s 27 and been with 15-20... I’ve been with 6-7 and am 29 but been in a 7 year relationship (waste of time).

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-08-27T18:02:42+00:00

We spoke about it a few months ago after a discussion on this sub. We were both a bit hazy but around 30 I think

themoderation · 2019-08-27T18:33:01+00:00

Yes but merely out of curiosity and not concern. Mine is 4 (including my partner) and my fisnce's is 8 including me. My past LDR had like 20 before we got together. She was my first. I give zero fucks either way. It never affected my past LDR, never kept her from being loyal to me for 4 years. Likewise my fiance's n count has 0 effect on our relationship.

TheJim66 · 2019-08-27T18:55:46+00:00

4-6 probably.She told me herself in an attempt to fish out mine.

I never ask .I guess it.And usually they bring it up themselves (I don't believe their number usually but in this case I have reasons to believe it)

scumfckflwrgrl · 2019-08-27T19:15:52+00:00

i am extremely adverse to knowing the number of people my boyfriend has slept with, and he’s never asked me. i’ve told him i want to hear literally nothing about past girlfriends or relationships/hookups because the idea of that makes me anxious, even though i would think it was very odd if he hadn’t had any prior experience

jonascf · 2019-08-27T19:29:45+00:00

I don't know it, and I haven't bothered to ask any partner during the last 8 years.

Tealllane · 2019-08-27T19:32:57+00:00

We have a lot of discussion about N count in this sub but now many of you actually know the N counts of the people you date or sleep with?

I typically do. It's fun to trade funny/embarrassing sex stories. Good sex stories aren't typically as fun, but they can be hot if told right. Bad sex stories are usually funny to talk about.

Barneysparky · 2019-08-27T23:07:30+00:00

I think it's about 7 but it's been so long since we had that conversation I could be off base.

He had an ex-wife and a live-in girlfriend and made no enemies, his high school girlfriend adores him. I may have fallen in lust/love with his hair, body, voice and other things but his character is why I wished to spend my life with him. He's good to his family, loves old people, and is good for his word.

I have said before you would be further ahead with women in the long run if you'd spend this part of your life forging relationships with humans instead of worrying that a girl that doesn't exist won't like you because you're a virgin. Spend time visiting old people at your retirement home if making friendships or strengthening family relations isn't something you can do. They all have granddaughters where once you've forged the relationship by talking about anything except your confusing thoughts about women they would love for a good person to meet.

cxj · 2019-08-28T00:51:39+00:00

Yes, hers is much lower than mine and after she told me she explicitly asked me never to tell her mine. She said she does not want to know about my past.

She could be lying but tbh I doubt it, and also don’t care that much.

Willow-girl · 2019-08-28T03:32:00+00:00

No. He doesn't even know it (TBI).

thjn · 2019-08-28T13:36:15+00:00

The problem with n-count is way deeper than most people think. One obvious concern is being "one of (too) many" and therefore having this feeling of insignificance and disposability.

However, you will find that people with a high n-count have this aura of self-confidence through the validation they received from so many people.

So any opinion to this aspect (true story): A couple with a very unbalanced n-counts in their relationship and marriage. She had 50 guys before, he had 2 girls before. She mentioned, that in her wild days she had 2 on the same day! This marriage successfully last for 7 happy years now.

Although he told her his n-count on their 3rd date, she never told him and he never asked. She said it might be a can of worms to him. Finishing up his lifetime n-count in one day must feel rightfully laughable to her. She is afraid to tell him, because he might feel just plain ridiculous.

He is miles away from being on eye-level with her when it comes to experience, knowing yourself, knowing a lot of options intimately and having that validation!

She was a lot smarter than him - she sowed her oats, she experimented a lot to finally understand exactly what she wants and needs, she got it out of her system and is now ready to settle down and commit. Sadly he will never be in that position and she is trying to protect him from that horrifying insight!

FatmanSlim93 · 2019-08-28T14:00:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

thjn · 2019-08-28T18:30:52+00:00

Obviously the more you've slept around the less n-count matters to you. It is called inflation.

f0e_paw · 2019-08-28T19:19:16+00:00

Never asked. 🤷🏽‍♂️

thjn · 2019-08-29T05:39:58+00:00

What you actually want to know is, how tiny is your place in someone else's vast experience/memory?

lilacluna548 · 2019-08-29T06:39:22+00:00

Yes, I asked him and told him mine.

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-08-29T12:34:56+00:00

No, I have no idea what my partner's/FWB's "N-counts" are. I'm also not totally sure how one would count that in the kink scene where some of the activities only count as "sex" to certain people. They do certainly know about my lack of previous experience though, it's quite obvious and good for them to know.

2019-08-29T13:33:54+00:00

As a policy, I neither ask nor tell.

decoy88 · 2019-08-29T18:20:09+00:00

Yes. I explicitly ask. I’m very non-judgmental and it comes across so more often than not women have been willing to share.

There are/were some acquaintances that still feel ashamed but most of my friends have come round to not caring and being more confident.

The ones that have been too shy I’ve assumed it was a crazy ass number (like 40+ at 20 years old). I never cared. Just interesting conversation

thjn · 2019-08-30T14:21:21+00:00

It seems that ladies are less worried about their partners n-count. Is that the case and if so, why? Or am I completely wrong and the issue is evenly distributed?

diffdedbed · 2019-08-27T15:38:11+00:00

Those concerned about it, shouldn't ask.

Those not concerned don't bother asking.

sublimemongrel · 2019-08-27T16:10:49+00:00

I know my husbands and he knows mine, I’m not shy about it. We both had a casual, joking conversation about it where we told each other but that was after marriage. I’ve never once had a man ask me it or get all serious about it.

jalapenopancakes · 2019-08-27T20:26:32+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone in my life. Only insecure people do that imo. The best dick is a vibrator.

NotGoingAway101 · 2019-08-28T06:59:01+00:00

You should never believe a females body count, or even a males. I would never ask a female her body count but I have kicked girls out of my apartment for being too loose. You don't ask a car how many miles it's driven, you hop inside and check the dash.

As soon as you look at the vagina, if you know anything, you should have some idea how active she is. 95% of the time, girls that are roast beef looking use vibrators, giant dildos, or are sluts. Still hook up with them, but never invest in a girl like that unless you are sick of the dating game and need to get your kids out. I plan to wait 5-6 more years before trying for a son.

I'm sure I'll get downvoted or flamed by some women here, but unless it's dumb luck, all the 20-25 year old girls I hooked up with on Tinder had nicer more tight vaginas, and the ones who had been playing the game longer had less nice, looser, more beefy ones on average.

Title	Do you know your partner's N count?
Author	findingfemininity
Upvotes	28
Comments	223
Date	August 27, 2019 3:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cw63mn/do_you_know_your_partners_n_count/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-know-your-partners-n-count.254252 https://theredarchive.com/post/254252

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