Does men need to pay the bill?

Sorcha16 · 2023-10-30T01:38:06+00:00

I think it's an Irish thing. Would have to argue to pay the bill or half with a few Irish men.

SamuraiGoblin · 2023-10-30T04:05:19+00:00

Giving someone flowers is nice, but if you say "You'd better fucking take these flowers or I'll beat the shit out of you!", well, that's not so nice.

It sounds like that man has a very narrow view of humanity and their roles. He thinks he is being nice, but being too strict with it makes him the arsehole.

AverageSmashPlayer · 2023-10-30T02:52:38+00:00

In my experience, the worst women were the ones who didn't even offer to pay their share on the date.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2023-10-30T02:03:06+00:00

I always split dates. Always. I don’t need anyone expecting anything from me for a $50 meal.

I charge much more than that.

Plus men aren’t just ATM machines. It’s weird they sometimes want to make themselves out to be little more than that. Don’t engage in the household, don’t help care for children, don’t do anything but work and pay the bills. Like that’s enough as a life partner. Major red flag imo.

ComfortableJeans · 2023-10-30T01:23:56+00:00

I guess it depends on the guy. Personally, I don't. I split. When we were in a relationship, we tended to take turns. I've never dated a girl who had an issue with that, even slightly.

Shit, I've even had girls outright tell me that they want to pay for the whole thing, and end up wanting to pay for everything going forward, and both times that had happened, I was in a relationship with them for 2 years after that.

I'm sure I'll get shit on for it here, but I think a lot of men don't have much going for themselves, so they have to push hard into being that traditional breadwinner type.

I've never dated a girl who expected the man to pay for everything, but I've known girls who are like that, and they always completely sucked as people.

kinoki1984 · 2023-10-30T06:03:39+00:00

Usually I see the girl picking up the first bill as a sign she’s buying out of another date. Usually I say something like “I’ve got this one, you’ll get the next!” I don’t care too much for splitting 50/50 but rather that both persons are economically in a place where a date isn’t make or brake for their economy.

Sillysheila · 2023-10-30T06:24:04+00:00

No I don’t personally believe men need to pay. It’s outdated. If both parties work they should split the bill. I feel uncomfortable with this idea that women should essentially trade sex for food or favours, if you wouldn’t give sex/affection for free you shouldn’t be dating the guy.

MaleficentSun3923 · 2023-10-30T06:44:54+00:00

There was a ladder with a banana on top. Every time a monkey climbed the ladder to get the banana then all the monkeys would be sprayed by a water hose as punishment.

After a while whenever a monkey climbed that ladder, the other monkeys would beat the monkey up because afterwards they would get sprayed by a water hose.

After a new generation of monkeys was born, the water hose was no longer used as punishment.

But whenever a monkey climbed that ladder for a banana, he would be beaten up by the other monkeys.

The strange part was that the monkeys beating up the one that climbed the ladder were never sprayed by a water hose in their life.

That's what tradition and culture is like.

So even though women have money now, the new generation is still doing the tradition of the man paying the bill.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-10-30T01:32:03+00:00

I would not like the way he handled the situation. You offered to pay and wanted to pay, yet he insisted on doing so.

The way he kept saying, I’m a man” just strikes me as controlling. Like he wouldn’t let you make your own decision. I feel like if you continued dating him, he would continue to assert his dominance and refuse to listen to your wishes or concerns.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-10-30T01:21:11+00:00

Its a cultural think that varies between countries, regions, political and Social views, generations etc.

Here in Catalonia(and Spain in general) not splitting the bill (either because you are a woman who thinks "men should pay" or a man who insists on doing so because "Im the man" ) would probably make the other person mad. In other countries,it would be seen as rude to split the bill.

Imo splitting is the only fair arrangement but whatever.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-10-30T01:28:14+00:00

I always split on early dates. My partner and I trade off.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-30T07:04:44+00:00

The thing is, they may really want to, but generally nobody's requiring it, so they don't need to. It's up to you to decide whether challenging that want is worth it in any given situation.

GodspeedHarmonica · 2023-10-30T07:46:37+00:00

The idea that men should pay comes from a time before women worked as much as men. As time has changed views also change.

Some insecure people like to hang on to old outdated views. They feel safe doing what others used to do.

It basically comes down to if you want to date insecure men

Razieloo · 2023-10-30T08:31:20+00:00

You did good, don’t worry

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-30T10:15:45+00:00

Men shouldn't pay for the first date, period. In this day and age, women have an almost unlimited amount of options. When a man has a first date with a woman, he has to assume he is not the only one she talks to. So why should a man pay for her dinner and she might go home, see the hot guy and fuck him while the other guy just paid for her meal? I am sorry, but I don't think any man wants to be that sucker, so the safe bet would be 50/50 till they become official. Paying for your official gf is fine and chivalrous, but paying for a woman whom you don't know if she is will be worth it or not is not worth it

SupposedlySapiens · 2023-10-30T11:19:44+00:00

If you need to pay the bill to get a date as a man, you are not hot enough.

Hit the gym, work on your style and game.

Women have tried to make me pay and I tease them relentlessly. I dont pay, I still have sex.

2023-10-30T12:53:10+00:00

I always offer to split the bill. Always. If he insists on paying, I’ll pay next time (if there is a next time).

YouShouldGetLaid · 2023-10-30T13:39:28+00:00

Why does anybody here have to be an AH? He’s showing that he can provide and he wanted to do this for you. You can tell him ahead of time you want to contribute and pay for the next date or something 🤷🏻‍♂️

Cotehill · 2023-10-30T22:19:00+00:00

He’s a complete knob. If this is his way of “being a man” you know you’re in for a rough ride. I understand he was trying to pull the traditional social constructs, but his reasons are weak and sketch. And clearly not the type of person you are looking for.

gntlbastard · 2023-10-31T01:19:39+00:00

You dodged a bullet there. Likely you were out with a guy whos only area of expertise is putting down a credit card.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2023-10-30T01:22:13+00:00

Men have a natural instinct to protect and provide for women and paying for the first date is a socially acceptable way for a man to signal what he's willing to do to be your mate. That doesn't mean he wants to pay for everything, just show he's a gentleman and show he has traditional values and wants to embrace that aspect of his masculinity . However I don't see how you don't know this already - you're older than me!

63daddy · 2023-10-30T01:33:56+00:00

No a man doesn’t have to pay the bill. Obviously, this guy wanted to. Graciously accept.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-10-30T06:37:50+00:00

I prefer splitting the bill on first dates but I appreciate it if the guy offers to pay, it's a gentlemanly thing to do. I'd still want to split it but the gesture is nice. I would probably have had a similar reaction to you if someone told me ''I'm a man, I'm paying''. I don't like people overriding my wishes (in this case, to split the bill), so I'd probably let him pay if it means that much for him but there probably wouldn't be a second date.

Don't think either of you was an asshole, you just have different expectations when it comes to the bill issue. I'm sure some women would love to have a guy tell them ''I'll get it, I'm a man''. At worst, neither of you expressed yourself well.

mrsmariekje · 2023-10-30T06:57:21+00:00

I wouldn't go on a second date with someone who paid the bill despite me asking to split. Like you, OP, what kind of social contract does he think we're entering into because he's paid the bill? Does he think I owe him sex? Is he going to insist on being the main earner? Does he think that flashing his cash at me is the way to get me to respect him? Red flag.

No-Resource2745 · 2023-10-30T10:05:56+00:00

First of all - Ick, red flag 🚩rigid gender roles are one of the signs of a potential abuser, and according to this subreddit, us as women are supposed to be constantly vetting men because it’s our fault if we end up picking an abuser.

Otherwise though, I’d say it’s neutral, like if somebody wants to pay, they are more than welcome to pay. However it is wrong to expect something in return for paying or to simply expect somebody to pay if they haven’t offered or committed themselves to doing so.

Rogue5454 · 2023-10-30T01:57:24+00:00

Look up dating etiquette. It’s that simple.

RonMexico432 · 2023-10-30T01:59:49+00:00

I don't online date or believe any of that coffee date nonsense. I typically ask them out, so I'll pay on the first date. But the best relationship I had was just a sometimes I pay, sometimes she paid situation. We didn't keep up with it. It wasn't 50/50.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2023-10-30T01:23:21+00:00

Also I forgot to answer the last question. I think NAH, but you did probably come off as insulting by telling him you don't see how balls have anything to do with it rather than graciously accept and thank him for his generosity.

MateriallyDetatched · 2023-10-30T03:33:09+00:00

In an equal society, women should pay the bill.

In a realistic society, offering to pay the bill is L rizz if you're a woman.

No_Hat9118 · 2023-10-30T01:21:44+00:00

So you’re the unicorn …

Cool_Relative7359 · 2023-10-30T06:29:17+00:00

I (30 F) was taught the one who invites and picks the venue pays because they chose the price range by choosing the venue. This made sense to me, so you don't put a person in an awkward position of going above their budget.

That's usually me because I prefer to do the asking out regardless of gender (it's just always made more sense to me to ask 9jt people based on my standards and preferences, than pick from a preselected group of people choosing based on theirs) . But at most I will split the bill. I'm not looking for traditional men, because the last thing I want in life is to be a traditional woman. The way a man replies tells me if there will be a second date. If his insistence is like you described and his mentality is "men pay" that's not what I'm looking for.

Bright-Personality70 · 2023-10-30T18:42:42+00:00

If you want a traditional relationship with a traditional woman, then yes.

If you don't want a traditional marriage, then no.

bottomLobster · 2023-10-30T21:38:29+00:00

Men always pay the bill, one way or another.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-10-30T23:25:53+00:00

If the girl is hotter, the guy pays. If the guy is hotter, the girl pays. If they are more or less on the same level, they split it. This is the age of equality and equivalent exchange.

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mvnnyvevwofrb · 2023-10-30T01:47:45+00:00

*Doeth men need to pay the bill

MikeArrow · 2023-10-30T02:11:25+00:00

I have extremely little dating experience, but on my last date I assumed I was to pay and I was totally fine with that, but she asked to split.

I was a little surprised by that since it flew in the face of literally everything I've read about dating.

But we adjust. The next one that comes along I won't be surprised and I'll roll with it better.

kai77kai77 · 2023-10-30T02:16:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

leosandlattes · 2023-10-30T03:23:19+00:00

Iunno, some people just really want to pay for the bill. At that point fighting to split is not worth your time and energy if they really feel strongly about it. Then again, I’ve watched countless Asian families (politely) fight for about 10-15 min about who’s paying the dinner bill…

It also says a lot about the kind of person you are in the way you receive a gift. So, my go-to has always been to be gracious and also offer to grab the tip, a coffee, or dessert on the first date if a man insists to pay for dinner.

passportbro999 · 2023-10-30T03:50:29+00:00

Men don't have a lot these days that distinguish themselves as men, while women have makeup, lingerie, fashion etc. Simple as that.

Kryptoncockandballs · 2023-10-30T07:04:59+00:00

If you're going after a trad woman, yes.

Stop_Maximum · 2023-10-30T08:59:49+00:00

I think it depends, some people want to pay because they want. I pay for friends and sometimes even dates. But I would definitely pay if someone was hesitating to pay.

dbz__f · 2023-10-30T09:45:30+00:00

It’s a sign of authority. It’s like your boss or dad laying for dinner. It’s like “let me take care of this, I’m in charge here”

Willow-girl · 2023-10-30T11:01:34+00:00

I'd give that guy a second look if I were you.

Lina-Inverse · 2023-10-30T12:51:44+00:00

ngl if that was the exact response that sounds a bit try hard and weird and a bit of a red flag.

For something like a lunch date if a woman offered I just say "it's fine, you can get the next one"

A lunch date is what, on average about 10-15 bucks per person, no need for a guy to go macho mode over that.

For a more expensive dinner, unless I explicitly mentioned I'd pay for it before hand, I'll split it.

Proudvow · 2023-10-30T17:39:01+00:00

Specific guys need to pay the bill due to cultural traditions/dating scripts they want to follow.

Generally it's best to offer to split, but if the guy insists on paying full then just let him.

spicytuna12391 · 2023-10-30T17:41:40+00:00

Just say, "Thank you, I really appreciate it!"

No need to discuss "balls" or whatever. Whatever happened to just saying THANK YOU?

mods_have_small_ween · 2023-11-02T20:01:55+00:00

On the first date, absolutely.

I've had hardcore feminists get mad at me for asking to split. Its still the expectation.

Later on? offer to pay. a woman offering would show me she is interested in continuing.

MrBrittle · 2023-11-07T20:41:36+00:00

Men should not necessarily pay the woman's bill, but he can do so optionally, depending on his wishes. The same goes for women. If the relationship depends on payment to happen, then it is prostitution.

Title	Does men need to pay the bill?
Author	kai77kai77
Upvotes	23
Comments	222
Date	October 30, 2023 1:13 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17jhti1/does_men_need_to_pay_the_bill/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-men-need-to-pay-the-bill.1236643 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236643

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