How easy or difficult is dating for you? How much male attention do you get in daily life?

wtknight · 2025-10-06T04:29:35+00:00

Removed. No internal questions (men asking men or women asking women).

CreepyVictorianDolls · 2025-10-05T14:38:04+00:00

In my daily life, just existing? 0 attention from men. I mean, I don't really pay any attention if someone is checking me out or not, but nobody approaches. I do have suspicions that some of my male friends might have slight romantic interest in me, but nothing too outward.

I attract a lot more women than men. I had a lot more crush confessions from my female friends than male ones. It makes sense, I present rather masculine which might a turnoff for a lot of guys.

Dating is fairly easy in a sense that I get the pick of the bunch on dating apps, but my issue is that I don't click with anyone. I've been on countless dates and the people are all fine, I'm just kinda bored.

iamsojellyofu · 2025-10-05T15:47:18+00:00

I do get male attention but once they see how autisitc (not the uwu socially awkward cutie type but the I can't cook or I have trouble doing chores type) I am they will either get turn off or turn on...only to act weird towards me 🙃

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-10-05T12:22:46+00:00

After I grew out of being ugly which happened in last year of high school, dating was easy on apps. I never struggled to find a guy who was into me and I've never dated any asshole guys, they've all been lovely and sweet, and attractive to me. I've been in two relationships lasting over 1 year and now I'm single planning to be for many years.

I never get or got approached by strangers, if meeting strangers happened it was always me who approached. I now have two past flings who I am sporadically in contact with who I am sure I could have sex with if we are both in the mood.

If I get a dating app which I have had many times and just swipe a bit I could find some man to sleep with but I don't want that kind of sex. I feel like I could find a relationship whenever I want but not with the kind of guy I want. Most people we're not compatible with, but if I were to settle for someone just to not be single then yes I could find that.

anna_alabama · 2025-10-05T13:47:47+00:00

I have autism, so dating was really hard for me. I’m not able to live independently so being my husband is not an easy task honestly. I’m conventionally attractive (my only saving grace), but my autism is immediately noticeable and off putting to 99.9% of men, my husband being the sole exception. To answer your questions - 1. I’ve never gotten approached by a stranger, hit on, cat called, etc. 2. Other than my husband, never. 3. If I were single, I would be able to find a sexual partner quickly, but not a husband. 4. No, my husband is the only man on this earth who is capable of dealing with me

MoreCheesePlease8675 · 2025-10-05T13:55:47+00:00

Tbh I think it's easier to find a casual hook up being a woman but a much more long term thing is way more difficult because not many people will stick around once they get what they want. I get lots of male attention but that's only because I'm a westernized woman living in South America and lots of people like that "foreign" look. I don't get men tripping over themselves but I do notice when they glance at least.

The thing is casual hook ups are the microwaved dinners of the dating world. Anyone can buy one and stick it in a microwave and it will fill you up for the night. The real test to how good your skills as a chef are is to just go through the work of prepping the meal yourself. Anyone can microwave a meal (hook up) but you need to prove yourself if you want to be a real chef (long term committed relationship)

How much attention someone gets ≠ to how many dates they get. I get lots of attention but no one has bothered to ask me out...except one guy who was hinting at getting me liquored up at his places which is a red flag.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-10-05T14:50:20+00:00

How often do you get approached by strangers?

It depends on how often I'm outside and what area of town I'm in. If I'm walking my dog in my own neighborhood like 2-4x a month. Always by men I'd never want anything to do with in a million years.

How often do you get approached / shown sexual or romantic interest from a person you know?

Never, most of the people I know are taken or just otherwise incompatible / mutual disinterest

Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want?

Yes. A good sexual partner worth having sex with is an entirely different matter, but I could find some rando willing to masturbate with my body in 5 minutes

Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want?

Yes. Not with someone I'd be interested in; compatible with; or attracted to but I could certainly find someone willing to be in a relationship with me easily

It's an interesting way to phrase questions to ask about finding someone at all, which is an entirely different calculus than finding someone you want

alreadydark · 2025-10-05T14:30:49+00:00

Disclaimer: I’m ugly and weird (see flair for more details)

Quite rarely. Last time I got approached in public I’m pretty sure was a homeless tweaker. That was more than a month ago. I also don’t get a lot of attention on dating apps but to be fair that’s also largely due to how few men I swipe right on. Although when I do swipe right it’s usually a match.

My problem on dating apps is my main thing is having a guy have vaguely the same interests as me. 70% of men are just “meh” to me. Which means I won’t immidietely be attracted to them, but good chemistry could easily make me fall for them. But 90% of them either have no information about their personality or their only hobbies listed are “eating at restaurants, travelling, having good conversations” (things that literally every human on earth enjoy) or I can just look at them and immediately tell they won’t know anything about the random specific literary period I’m obsessed with

wayna00 · 2025-10-05T13:30:05+00:00

I can get sex pretty easily but I'm not interested in that, I do get a lot of attention and compliments from both genders, BUT long term dating isn't really easy for me because I'm pretty young and I don't wanna rush myself into shitty relationships, a lot of men I dated in highschool or whatever were superrrr insecure so I'm very careful about men I talk to romantically.

So yes, I'd say dating is easy to access. But getting into a long term relationship is not, and I'll keep being single until I find my match!

Also I don't really care about dating apps, some people on here seem very desperate and I'm too lazy to filter trough everyone ahah, maybe I'll download some and take it seriously later

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-10-05T15:57:54+00:00

Dating is pretty difficult for me personally it's a quality vs quantity issue. I am currently on hiatus and really just focusing on myself and on curating my own happy for awhile. I had a really bad break up that just kind of shattered me as a person and I am picking up the pieces.

I have no issue getting male attention. Random DMs. If I go out men will talk to me. I won't even try most nights i can drink for free. I am fairly attractive. I stay active. I clean up nice. I model here and there.

But I think attractive women absolutely deal with the worst kinds of men. It's something I kind of discovered. You are desired by a lot of guys. But also most men are only into you because of how you look. Not into you for you. And when you don't meet that fantasy or expectation they have imagined for you or the novelty wears off. I would say you get treated like a luxury car people would love to have you for the status but don't have what it takes to keep up the maintenance. Every really pretty woman I know has lore about guys just being awful to them. I would say I'm not much different. Cheating, manipulating, and the "humbling".

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-05T14:35:16+00:00

Heavily depends on what era of life we’re talking about and what I was doing. While getting out fairly regularly in my mid-late 20s, generally 1-2 times whenever I went to bars/clubs/events. For most of my life, quite rarely.
Not often, but once again highly depends on situational factors. When single, most guys who wanted to be “friends” actually wanted to date. After figuring that out in my early 20s, I just didn’t entertain friendships with straight men I wasn’t interested in dating anymore.
Yes, if that was something I was into and was using an app like Tinder, I don’t think it’s hard for the vast majority of women but also never was something I was into.
Eventually, would probably take some time.

chalkandapples · 2025-10-05T18:02:17+00:00

Dating was not easy for me, and didn't come instinctively to me like I feel it does for a lot of people. I put significant effort into it. A lot of guys, especially here seem to resent having to self improve, but I was totally fine with it, I put effort into every other part of my life so why not this?

Dating was hard until it wasn't. I was constantly trying to improve and iterate on my dating/social skills and other parts of myself that makes me a better person to be around. Things felt stagnant until I guess enough improved and everything went super smoothly after.

How often do you get approached by strangers? - Very rarely and generally unwelcome, like a couple of times a year on the street. People in my social circle tend to think cold approaches are kinda... unclassy? So it doesn't happy often, cold approaches are usually random guys on the street and I would generally never take something like that seriously.
How often do you get approached / shown sexual or romantic interest from a person you know? - Like maybe 6 times in my life.
Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want? - I mean, given I'm a woman and how low men's bar is for casual sex, probably.
Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want? - Of course not (at least not one that I would want to be in), but I do feel very confident if I try at it for like a year, I can find something decent.

stockingsinrainboots · 2025-10-05T12:44:59+00:00

I'm chronically in a relationship since I was 14. Longest I've been single since then was 9 months, and that was a choice because I wanted to try being single. It was fun while it lasted.

EulenWatcher · 2025-10-05T13:31:11+00:00

Really rare these days - I'm married and I don't go out much on my own.
Same thing - very rarely, and probably due to the same reasons.
No, I'm demisexual, and meeting someone who I could feel some sexual attraction to is exceptionally rare for me. I'm in my late 20s, and it's happened just 3 times so far.
No, for the same reason, plus, it's hard to find someone compatible.

Having said that, dating has been easy for me - mostly because I met my husband when I was 16, so I basically skipped most of the dating issues people face early on. I know a few single women close to my age, and their dating experience includes some good and bad things, but neither has dated anyone abusive or outright dangerous. They all stay single by choice, but I think if they had more compatible options to date and explore, they wouldn't mind that.

ConstanceVigilante · 2025-10-05T14:57:52+00:00

I'm currently not looking for a relationship because I live in a city I really dislike, and want to hold off on dating until I move somewhere I plan to be long term.

1) I tried apps in the past and had no issues getting matches. Met some cool people, attractive and interesting. I'd have probably liked them if we were acquaintances/met through friends or socializing IRL. But something about the very fact that the dates were off an app made the whole thing feel forced and just lame. I gave up on apps completely after a couple months.

Also 1) I have also been approached and asked out by strangers on a few occasions, but that also isn't something I'm interested in pursuing. I don't get offended by cold approaches - I always turn them down politely.

Men I don't know generally don't interest me, unless they want to go the "friends first" route. But people are becoming highly polarized, brainwashed by internet crap and impatient these days, so that doesn't usually happen.

2) All of my past relationships/attempts at relationships have been with people I met through school, work, or mutual acquaintances I made as a result of friends from school or work. I almost always do the "approaching" myself. I have been approached as well.

3) Never been interested in casual sex, so I can't speak for my success (or lack of success) on that front.

4) Any relationship? Yes. A relationship I want? No, but the bottleneck is neither looks nor income. There have been many men I could have had relationships with who I thought were physically attractive enough and made decent money, but I chose not to date them for other reasons.

Inevitable-Bite8660 · 2025-10-05T15:10:38+00:00

How often do you get approached by strangers? ☞ You mean like being hit on or asked for my number on the street? Not really—it basically never happens.
How often do you get approached or shown sexual/romantic interest from someone you know? ☞ Hmm, maybe around three or four times? Usually when a group of about four or five people who got close online meets offline, someone like that shows up.
Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want? ☞ If I put in the effort, probably! I’ve tried older dating apps (not Tinder), and they did manage to set up some matches. If I actually followed through on those, something would probably happen.
Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want? ☞ I always think, “If I really try, I could.”

Rule_Number_7 · 2025-10-05T16:04:35+00:00

How often do you get approached by strangers? Never
How often do you get approached / shown sexual or romantic interest from a person you know? Never
Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want? No clue. According to guys here, apparently yes, but casual sex isn't on the list of things I want, so it doesn't matter either way.
Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want? Nope.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-10-05T18:07:57+00:00

How often do you get approached by strangers?

Rarely, but I think it might have something to do with culture as we are more northern and thus more reserved and seemingly cold. Heck, we rarely approach other people for random chats.

How often do you get approached / shown sexual or romantic interest from a person you know?

Either they don't do that or I'm too oblivious to notice it.

Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want

No.

Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want?

No.

FitnessBeth · 2025-10-05T15:16:18+00:00

Never, people don't approach strangers in my culture
Rarely, people are reserved about this in my culture
Yes but I'm not interested in a 'sexual partner'
No, I have a fairly small but strict criteria and I've never met a single man who can actually pass all 7, most fail at the first hurdle

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meangingersnap · 2025-10-05T16:04:39+00:00

Depends on how much I go out that week, if I’m running a lot of errands, maybe a couple times a week?
IDK I don’t really talk to people or have social media so none.
Absolutely, males are easier than female partners tho since I’m bi.
Yes but not necessarily a good one with a man that is compatible with me and treats me well. That took several years of encountering men who were low effort or bad boyfriends (one got brain damage and became abusive, one was wayyy into one of his hobbies to the point where when I’d come over he’d be producing for hours instead of paying attention to me, one ended up being too possessive and tried to get me to cut off friends for example) they weren’t necessarily bad people just not men who were invested in being a good partner, or not suited to me. I also am a dominatrix so that complicates relationships at times but honestly way less than redpill men online make it seem (“no man will ever want to date a swer!!!1!!! you’re low value!!” etc).

Anyways my current boyfriend had amazing parents and his dad treated his mom like a queen so that’s the kind of relationship he wanted. He’s always thinking about me when he does things, makes sure I’m fed and rested and content, supports me through my goals and helps with school work, gives me massages when I’m achey, and on top of being an amazing partner, he is as a person also amazing, hes funny and smart, wise and just an interesting person, he’s attractive with a good physique. Very few men aim to be this good of a partner. And just to be clear I also treat him well in return and make it known am grateful to have him in my life

Oli_love90 · 2025-10-05T17:18:23+00:00

For reference I’m older and very alright looking. I’m also a woman of color which this sub doesn’t even factor into their conversations.

Rarely. Maybe once or twice every couple years
lol, never. Majority of people I know are in relationships and have been in relationships for years.
If I really try to woo some guy who’s not interested but horny, probably.
Never. I don’t doubt I’ll be single forever.

The-Cherry-On-Top-xx · 2025-10-05T17:44:08+00:00

If shes thin, under 30, decent personality, AND wants kids, then being single is her choice.

Im a childfree 35F. Its hard to find a childfree man whos under 55, let alone 40 (I prefer men my age). If he doesnt want kids its usually because he already has some.

Werevulvi · 2025-10-05T19:31:51+00:00

I'm a bit older, at 36. I'm also not the hottest kinda woman out there, a bit below average, I'd say. I'm not obese but due to shit genetics and some medical issues I just don't meet most beauty standards. But I don't have kids or any previous marriages. I'm not actively dating currently because I'm still working on my self-improvement, but I want to find a long term boyfriend or husband at some point. Although my currently "not looking" also means I don't use dating apps or frequent the kinda places where flirting usually is known to happen. I also don't drink or party. I do go out though, for work, grocery shopping, just taking walks, swimming, etc. That said, I'll answer your questions:

Practically never. On very rare occasion there's been gay men hitting on me because they mistake me for a guy. I'm aware I have a kinda masculine looking face, but this being the only male attention I get is kinda frustrating lol. This has happened twice in the past... 6 or 7 years.
Even more seldom. I don't think it's happened at all in the past 10+ years. I think I was maybe 26 last time that happened. But then again I don't know very many men at this general time of my life, so there's that.
In a way, yes. If I logged into some random dating app stating clearly I wanted just sex, I'm sure at least a few very below average men twice my age would slide into my dm's within the next few weeks or so. At least that was kinda my experience 7-8 years ago when I was still into casual sex. Finding an actually attractive, or even just mediocre man, who'd want me for sex though, usually would take me 6 months to a year. And then he'd only want me because of some fetish. So not really whenever I'd want, no. But if it didn't matter at all who with, I could probably find one within a couple of weeks.
Uh, no. I'm sure that would be infinitely harder. Usually I get rejected either for my looks, my autism, or just for being too introverted. Even if they don't say it outright I kinda figure based on how they react. Last time someone wanted a relationship with me was 6 years ago, he was a very creepy stalker who doxxed me, and them immediately talked about me having his babies. Obviously I ran for the hills from that one.

So in conclusion... yeah no, I hardly ever get any male attention what so ever. Even when I'm the one approaching, it hasn't been any more successful. Last time I tried that (some 3 years ago) I got very rudely rejected by an obese 5'2 man with a gambling addiction, because he thought I was ugly. That's when it hit me that I really need to do something about myself, because this is reflecting really poorly on me.

But this is also why I'm so focused on self-improvement now, working on not just my looks but also my personality issues and general lifestyle flaws. Because my dating life, which was bad to begin with even in my late teens and early 20's, has clearly hit rock bottom by now. But I hope I can find a relationship after I'm done with all that work I need to do.

Tylikcat · 2025-10-05T19:49:20+00:00

I am wondering if my social circle is just wildly out of the norm for some reason? So my questions are:

How often do you get approached by strangers?

This is pretty venue specific. If I'm at work, it's largely not going to happen - coworkers might do the subtle flirtation thing, but no more than that. I try to make it really obvious that I'm a professor, because I'd really rather not go there with students. (It was bad enough in grad school, getting asked out by an undergrad who was twenty years younger.) At fiber art venues, you don't tend to see a lot of straight men (and queer women don't tend to approach strangers much). Most of the time at the neighborhood taproom it's married neighbors.

Other places... I rarely have total strangers show up and ask me out (and that seems really weird), but it's moderately frequent that folks will chat me up in a flirtatious way. Though usually guys about fifteen years younger. (I think this is mostly demographics, guys my age are partnered, or at least less overtly on the prowl.)

How often do you get approached / shown sexual or romantic interest from a person you know?

Not especially often, though mostly because I haven't been living here long and am still establishing my social scene, and have frankly been spending a lot of time in spaces where that's just not going to happen. Once or twice in the last month, but that's high. OTOH, if I got out more in mixed gender contexts, or went up to hang with my friends in Seattle, it would be a lot more likely.

Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want?

It would probably be pretty easy to pick up a random guy at a bar. This is not an appealing prospect. Though slightly less unappealing than putting myself through dating app hell.

Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want?

A relationship that actually worked? No. I'm aware of a few people who are interested, and there likely are more I'm not aware of. But of the ones I know of, if I were interested, I'd be acting on it. I'm picky, and I have a pretty good idea what does and doesn't work for me. I'm also pretty busy, and happy with my life. There are a couple of folks where, if the stars aligned and we were living in the right places, and none of us working for the others, maybe?

Could I find a guy who would want to be in a relationship with me? Yes. But he'd probably bore me and annoy me (see again the bit about being picky). I can't see why I'd put myself through that, or that it would be a kindness to him.

***

But don't take this as "average". I've always been charismatic, and my looks are decent even now in my fifties. My brother has other men tell him that they've been lusting after me for the last twenty-five years. (...and then he tells me, because clearly I need to know this.) But I have several friends who are probably virgins (one for religious reasons, another has gotten very little attention, though she did freak out one of the times she was hit on...) or who have had only one relationship that they are not in any longer.

Sonia314 · 2025-10-05T20:57:02+00:00

In the past 6 months: 1. I’ve been catcalled twice and hit on by my Lyft passengers twice. I’m active on Fetlife, where guys DM me looking for sex or a date several times a week and guys often share their sexual fantasies about me in comments on my posts. The Fetlife stuff is mostly more similar to being catcalled than being approached seriously. For example, it’s usually clear that they haven’t read my brief profile, which indicates they are just spamming women without trying to ascertain whether they are compatible first. 2. I’ve been approached twice by freinds. 3. I feel like I could find a sexual partner whenever I want. I have a friends with benefits and could have more if I wanted. 4. I don’t feel like I could find a relationship whenever I want. I got a lot of attention on okcupid when I was on it, but I don’t know how compatible the okcupid guys would have been (they typically didn’t read my profile either for example). When I ask guys I like out they almost always turn me down despite my community being about 90% male.

Sadsad0088 · 2025-10-05T21:11:21+00:00

I’ve had a hard time being single, if I dress up I get approached and hollered at, I don’t get approached from people I know because I am married and I cut off men that could express interest, yes finding a man would be very easy for sex and if I didn’t have a daughter I don’t think I would have a hard time finding a relationship.

With a daughter I think it would be harder but I wouldn’t any way unless I found mysekf single and it was someone I’ve known for ages

P1anth0 · 2025-10-06T02:48:18+00:00

How often do you get approached by strangers?

Depends on what I’m wearing. If I am wearing my gamer sweaters or dressed punky then I get approached daily. If I’m dressed more normal I would say weekly.

How often do you get approached / shown sexual or romantic interest from a person you know?

Hasn’t happened much since I have been married, this used to happen more frequently. Pretty much all my guy friends made “moves” which is why we don’t talk much anymore.

Do you feel like you could find a sexual partner whenever you want?

Yes but that isn’t what I want or care about.

Do you feel like you could find a relationship whenever you want?

Only if I had no standards.. Finding a relationship I’d want is more challenging but it happened enough.

AchingAmy · 2025-10-06T03:48:29+00:00

Dating is difficult, but I'm not interested in men (ace lesbian here). I get occasional catcalls and been approached by men a few times, including two totally clueless men who thought a psychiatric hospital was an appropriate place to do that 🙄

I've been approached by men a few times, as I said. I imagine that number would be higher if I was living my whole adult life as a woman (trans woman here, it was only after transition I started getting men to approach me ofc) and once approached by another woman(at a queer event and post-transition)
I've never been approached by someone I know, come to think of it. It's all been cold approaches. Aside from my girlfriend and exes, no one else would have shown romantic or sexual interest.
Well, I'm not interested in that (sex-averse/repulsed asexual) but I guess it would be easy since there aren't a shortage of chasers and people who highly sexualize trans women.
Yeah. I've never had problems getting into a relationship(since I was 16, currently 30, I think the longest I was ever single was like 4 months, so I'm usually in a relationship). The real hard part is making one last for years

p_fulga · 2025-10-05T12:39:45+00:00

A lot, personally. I mean it tends to be just people checking me out or fumbling over themselves and complimenting me. I'll get several of that on any given day. But not like outright, "you're cute, let's go get coffee" kinda stuff. That's a bit more rare. Once a week or so. It could be more if I let people talk through their whole bit. I tend to stop people trying to be a little flirty by talking about my partner to dissuade them from continuing.
Not super often. Most of my friends I've known for years and years, or are also in relationships or actively know I am very committed when I'm in a relationship. But I've definitely had a few times at work over the last year. Most people I've dated were friends prior.
Yes. I'm not into casual things though so that tends to mean a lot of sifting around nowadays. But if when I last used dating apps is indicative of anything, I'd be popular in that crowd haha.
Also yes. The longest I was ever single after I started dating was a year and that was by choice. Second longest was like 3-4 months haha.

I know I'm not necessarily the norm on this stuff though so take what I'm saying not really as the standard experience. I've had ex girlfriends and boyfriends get kinda huffy over how often random people hit on me.

ThatBitchA · 2025-10-05T16:25:57+00:00

When I was single, dating was the worst.

Constantly having random men cold approaching me. Ick. I hate being cold approached.

Men trying to woo me with mediocre sex and cheap dates.

Going to clubs with friends and men ruining the evening by hitting on us.

Dating was annoying. It's a necessary evil because I desired relationships.

But dating men I knew from work, school, hobbies, friends of friends of friends made it more bearable.

Now, I'm old and married. But the creepy men have never stopped looking. And sadly, there's creeps all over. Especially the grocery store for some reason, so now my husband does the grocery shopping.

Title	How easy or difficult is dating for you? How much male attention do you get in daily life?
Author	kmb218
Upvotes	24
Comments	122
Date	October 5, 2025 11:56 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nym9ir/how_easy_or_difficult_is_dating_for_you_how_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-easy-or-difficult-is-dating-for-you-how-much.1563464 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563464

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