Do you think attraction is a choice?

ViolentShallot · 2026-01-04T18:13:40+00:00

Attraction isn't a choice. But it's also not binary.

Not in men, and certainly not in women. And attraction grows if you feed it (and withers if you don't, by the way)

Now, where you have a choice is where you invest your time and attention, and which attractions you feed.

You can let attraction dictate your actions. Always put time and effort into the most attractive person you can fuck. And then you will fuck the most attractive person you can.

Now, if you do that, you're rolling dice (with shitty odds need I say) on that person:

Willing to commit to you
Having good values
Having the right level of maturity

Or, you can curve it. You can, instead of investing time, effort and fucks (literally) in the most attractive person you can, you have the option of investing them into the most attractive person that has good values, the right level of maturity and is willing to commit to you

That has a high chance of not being the most most attractive person in your circle. And not spending time and energy in those that lack that takes away the oh so sweet constant validation and people willing to be nice to you.

It's a tall price. It will land you someone less attractive, but it guarantees values, commitment and maturity.

Now, if a man consistently invests his time and energy in the woman with the best body, and then whines about all women lacking values, I'll tell that guy he has to change his priorities. Not his attraction, his priorities within that attraction.

He has to choose better. Not lower his standards, but choose based on his real priorities and not animal attraction.

If a woman complains about all men being cheaters, men being averse to commitment, ETC, but also consistently goes to the most attractive (looks, confidence, charisma, assertiveness, competence) man she can fuck, instead of the most attractive man willing to be committed to her, with right moral values, I will tell her the same thing. If she wants moral values and commitment, she needs to prioritize those, and pick the most attractive man that's already proven them, instead of the most attractive man she can fuck, and then roll dice on commitment and values.

In short: she would need to choose better. Doesn't mean she has to change who she's attracted to, just pick better among those that go past the minimum threshold.

Or, she can say "nah I'll keep fucking the one most attractive man I can fuck", fuck richer, better looking men that would never commit to her, and enjoy that. The same way I could fuck models and actresses I have nothing in common and whose personality I barely tolerate

The problem comes when you pick that option and then complain about the lack of commitment or values. Like, dude, if you prioritize ass, you get great ass. If you prioritize kink, you get kinky, but if you constantly complain about not getting kindness, love, and values, fucking prioritize them, because now you are using "boobs" as the litmus fucking test. Literally.

LysanderAegis · 2026-01-04T17:01:32+00:00

1) Genuine attraction? Not a choice. Through conscious choice? No. Changing your mind over time with someone it didn't catch your attention at first? Yes, but it's not a conscious choice, it just happens.
2) No.
4) No.

Asleep-Pin-5664 · 2026-01-04T20:08:03+00:00

First, I think men getting angry at women for not being attracted to them is a very un-red pill thing to do. Red pill is all about taking control of your life and doing what you can to change the things you can control. A lot of incels/black pill seem to be claiming to be red pill but basically are MGTOW and whiny.

I think attraction isn’t necessarily a choice but women have inflated perceptions of themselves in the US. Women should be more realistic, but also I think women become more realistic once they actually get out into the world.

My advice for women would be to just get out there and find people you like. Don’t tell yourself you’re a 10 or whatever, unless you’re like Sydney Sweeney level hot. Just be realistic, work out, eat healthy, don’t abuse substances, have fun, and be friendly.

Tldr men and women just need to meet each other and touch grass

Ok_Cook_3098 · 2026-01-04T17:03:22+00:00

Attraction is nothing put in stone

There are Expiremts made where men deep of the grid (i think it was south america) should recrate on the pc there ideal womans body.

Then they showed them pretty pictures of woman who have more "flesh on the bones"

At the next round the Men should again form there ideal woman body, surprise a shocking conclusion the woman bodys now head more mass

like its one of the top 10 feminist arguments about Porn/Media showing unrealistic beauty standers, but in some crazy way, this dosent count for woman

You have the same unrealistic beauty standards for men, i would even say more unrealistic because many of this male models take testeron and have a ton of time to lift and men cantjust grow another 10 cm.

But men get blamed if they say "i like big boobas". But woman get all the power to think the perfect men will just come and they can openly say the craziest standards

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weenieandthebutt · 2026-01-04T20:03:59+00:00

No, no, no & Noooooo.

Most redpill men are not seriously deluded by the above idea. If anything, the biggest complaint is being the betabux or safe guy in the relationship. So it's safe to say women shouldn't settle for guys whom they're not attracted to. The initial anger from newer younger redpill men stems from feeling lied to from a young age by society.

All I ask is just that women don't lie about this shit that looks don't matter and it's all about "muh personality" and "muh emotional intelligence".

Popeoath · 2026-01-05T02:43:27+00:00

This makes me wonder, do you guys think attraction is a choice?

No. And especially not for women. (men have more room to convince themselves to "be into" non-standard women for the sake of seed spreading)

No individual woman can do anything about attraction.

The argument is that if society itself were structured differently, attraction would be more likely to spawn.

If yes, what do you think a woman should do to make herself attracted to more men / men she is not naturally attracted to?

As far as increasing it goes, nothing. As far preserving what she has goes, she could limit her education, career, and sex life, as more success/wealth/partners for women correlates with a decrease in attraction to men, but obviously those are unreasonable requests.

Alternatively, do you think women should date men they are not attracted to?

No.

Ego73 · 2026-01-04T17:03:46+00:00

It is not. Women are, generally speaking, not attracted to men. They're not guilty of it anymore thwn I am of not being attracted to men either.

kvakerok_v2 · 2026-01-04T18:40:34+00:00

Attraction is not a choice. Examples of what is a choice:

Whoring behavior that shapes your attraction pattern in the long term.
Attention seeking behavior that desensitizes your ability to distinguish between genuine male interest and a dark triad frog just trying to fuck you.
Tiktok overexposure brain rot, which completely messes up your feeling of "norm".

You are the sum of your choices. Attraction is a second- to third-order side effect of those choices. These three alone screw a woman up to not be a fitting partner for anyone.

Reasonable_Golf_8112 · 2026-01-04T18:44:35+00:00

It's a choice and isn't, a double edged sword. Attraction is pyschological, meaning you can't help but be attracted to a conventionally attracted person, it will happen by default but you can also choose to allow attraction for a non-conventionally attractive person with good virtues to grow overtime.

mrbonee69 · 2026-01-05T23:24:39+00:00

Is attraction a choice for you personally? Can you make yourself attracted to someone you are not attracted to through concious choice?

If by "attracted", you mean "would you fuck them", then no.

Do you think attraction is a choice for women?

No.

If yes, what do you think a woman should do to make herself attracted to more men / men she is not naturally attracted to?

Women who already think that way are too far gone, there is nothing that can help them. Exposure to instagram, tiktok, tinder, etc. is a large part of the massive inflation of womens' egos in the last few years, so limiting exposure to social media would be my number one action for women to take.

Alternatively, do you think women should date men they are not attracted to?

Absolutely not. Men shouldn't do this, either.

Commercial-Formal272 · 2026-01-06T15:53:16+00:00

I don't think it's exactly a choice, but it's not objective either. I believe attraction, and likewise sexuality, are heavily impacted by socialization. Biological instinct plays a big role, but propaganda, exposure, and "culture" can make a massive difference in what is considered attractive to you.
Finally, comparison is the thief of joy. The hottest person you've seen will most likely be attractive to you, but once you are exposed to even "better" options the old attractions can seem lacking and become less desirable. (Being aware of fewer potential options mean you don't feel like you are settling as much and have less fomo.)

Werevulvi · 2026-01-07T01:30:42+00:00

It's kind of a subconscious choice, I think. Like we don't actively pick and choose who to have feelings for, but on a deeper level we choose who we surround ourselves with, who we give a chance to, who we judge, what we value in a general sense, etc. And that has a huge effect on who we develop feelings for.

I don't think the red pill thinks women can just consciously choose which men to get feelings of arousal for. I think what they mean by choice in dating, is who we give a chance to, who we judge, who we hang out with in general, etc, which can influence attraction. Like if you have a narrow mindset of which kinda men are "good enough" that's not just some random happenstance. But also doesn't mean you can just snap out of it. It's kinda complex, but yeah, changable.

AreOut · 2026-01-04T17:16:28+00:00

red pill men don't complain, they observe

Adam_Faith_No_More · 2026-01-04T17:54:04+00:00

This is really a question for black pill, or blue pill (which are basically just two sides of the same coin). Red pill is about radical acceptance of reality, and personal adaptation to said reality.

Anyone who thinks attraction is a choice, or that you can rationally convince people to be into that which they aren't, has more in common with the fat acceptance movement than anything red pill.

abaxeron · 2026-01-04T19:32:22+00:00

Sort-of. I develop new kinks, and not randomly.
Don't know / don't care, but I think the answer is asymmetrical: women might not choose to be attracted, but choose to be un-attracted. Social media waves of women complaining how men are gross, how male baldness is awful, how men smell terrible, seem to come and go with bursts of social trends and conditioning. There was a study that Amish family cohesion deteriorates after getting a phone.
Stay non-obese. Adipose tissue is endocrinally active and messes up one's personality.
This is for women to decide; thus far they have decided Yes.

N_Count_Council · 2026-01-04T23:30:48+00:00

The entire post is a straw man.

I see red pill men complain endlesly about women being attracted to and dating attractive men. It’s something that makes them feel a lot of anger and hatred towards women

Nobody cares if you date attractive men, if you're also attractive. What men find disgusting is when you're a 5/10, and you regularly have casual sex with 7s and 8s. Then when it's time to settle down you pick a 5/10 man and behave like you're doing him a favor. I've seen it a million times.

Do you think attraction is a choice for women?

It's not a choice but that doesn't mean there isn't hoeflation. What women think their looksmatch is in 2026 is wild. Again, not by choice but just system wide this has become a problem due to hookup culture.

Alternatively, do you think women should date men they are not attracted to

Women already date men they're not attracted to. Except what women do is they'll backwards rationalize and say things like "he's attractive ENOUGH" while still holding contempt because he isn't quite what they wanted.

Title	Do you think attraction is a choice?
Author	kmb218
Upvotes	25
Comments	274
Date	January 4, 2026 4:53 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1q3uvzy/do_you_think_attraction_is_a_choice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-attraction-is-a-choice.1570409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570409

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