Do you view being penetrated as submissive, degrading or bad?

ComfortableJeans · 2026-01-25T16:19:30+00:00

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Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2026-01-25T18:22:34+00:00

(1) When you are having sex with someone, do you feel like you are doing something bad or degrading to them? If yes, why?

Of course not. My wife gets an orgasm full of love and intimacy. What's degrading about that?

(2) Do you see receiving penetration as submissive? If yes why? (I am not saying submissive = bad btw)

Not inherently so. It's not as if there aren't multiple positions in which the woman plays the active role like cowgirl. However, given the pregnancy aspect, I understand why women find sex to be a vulnerable activity.

(3) Do you feel like your partners are not enjoying sex and only allowing it for your sake?

Hard to feel that way when she gets at least two orgasms every time we do it.

(4) If you share the perspectives I described, where do you think it’s coming from? Is it conservative upbringing? Societal portrayal of sex in media? Porn? Or something else?

I'd say the language used plays a big part. Sex is often framed as penetration, but rarely as envelopment, even though both characterizations are equally valid.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-01-25T16:51:37+00:00

1) never thought what I was doing was bad. It was always enjoyable and people need to chill. It’s just sex

2) I’ve never seen it as anything other than “that’s how it works.

3) I would never have sex with anyone if we weren’t both enthusiastic about what was going to happen. “If it’s not going to be good for both of us then it’s not gonna be good for either of us,” so we never needed to do anything till both sides were ready

4) I think it comes from very weak and insecure places where those who feel so weak and insecure about themselves want to feel powerful and authoritative.

OtisDriftwood1978 · 2026-01-25T15:47:01+00:00

MarioWilson122 · 2026-01-27T02:54:13+00:00

Yes, it defiantly is submissive that’s for sure and if the man is very masculine, then it will be a position that he wouldn’t feel comfortable in. Especially if he is being penetrated every time he has sex with his woman or a woman.

Yeah, some women can do it for the man’s sake if she really likes him but don’t care to do that. Not for me at all but I suppose it can’t be gay if it’s with a woman. Even still liking penetration back there as traditionally been seen as unmanly, so most men especially older ones will likely see it as such.

BlueMountainDace · 2026-01-25T15:49:56+00:00

When my wife and I have sex, I don’t think penetration is inherently bad or degrading. It can be depending on what mood we’re in, but it isn’t inherent.

I’ve never been penetrated by a penis, but I’ve used prostate massagers and there is something submissive about how it feels. But it’s in a good way. A. It feels amazing and B. It’s nice to give up control.

I’ve never felt my wife did sex out of obligation. Ive never wanted that. I’d rather have less sex.

These-Purpose-7019 · 2026-01-25T19:03:03+00:00

People are going to lie, but it is a submissive act. People do see it as a bad act if committed alot times(women) or just once if its a man. If that wasnt the case People wouldnt have to hide a promiscuous past or their sexuality.

everythingbagelss_ · 2026-01-25T21:46:56+00:00

No I don’t think so, unless the act itself is being done with the intention of degrading. Some women are into that. But I think love making, slow intimate sex, is far from degrading.
Yes. I am stronger and bigger, more often than not I am on top. I think certain positions, like doggy, amplify this feelings for me. I am pretty silent and concentrated while my woman is moaning, eyes closed, gripping the bed. I tend to feel like I’m in the drivers seat. I think it’s a natural dynamic between men and women in bed, in most cases at least.
At one point, yes. Now I’m pretty certain she enjoys and craves our sex.
I remember reading a post that described how the penis is the defiler. In that frame work, taking dick is doing something dirty or raunchy. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I do know that is how most people view sex with a man.

avocadolanche3000 · 2026-01-25T21:35:01+00:00

1): No. Unless I’m literally (consensually) degrading her. Even then, I don’t think what I’m doing is morally wrong.

2): logically no. But irrationally yes. I’ve turned down being pegged before, not because I think there’s anything wrong with being penetrated, but because even though I recognize that I’ve been socialized to see it as degrading to be feminized, I think I wouldn’t enjoy it because it would feel gay to me, and I don’t want to feel gay.

3): most of my partners enjoy sex with me. When sex isn’t enjoyable for them I think I can usually tell even if they are saying otherwise. I know that most women enjoy good sex, and that the pervasive messaging that women don’t actually like sex is just a sex negative narrative (though there are women and men who genuinely don’t enjoy sex).

4): I’m sex positive. I was raised catholic, so sex was associated with shame for me from prepubescence and I had to learn to be confident and resist shame. It’s made me realize basically everyone is raised sex negative (because it’s easier to just tell kids that it’s bad, embarrassing, and dangerous than it is to provide a nuanced perspective on how to navigate every sexual situation). So sex negativity is the default, and because sex can make people uncomfortable a lot of people never grow out of sex negativity. They just continue promoting the idea that sex is an inherently shameful, risky, and degrading thing (especially for women).

Edit to add: interestingly the language around sex has almost always historically reflected a hunter/hunter dynamic. I remember reading a letter from Gustave Flaubert where he describes sleeping with a woman and shooting “six more shots into her” in the morning (or something similar). I do think there’s some biological predisposition towards women being submissive and men being dominant, and that this maybe explains why the predator/prey/battle way people talk about sex is so longstanding and seemingly universal. But in an individual level I don’t think there’s anyway to tell how people will develop sexually or what kinks/fetishes/orientation/identity they’ll have until things are triggered for reasons we don’t understand.

Complete-Record5167 · 2026-01-25T15:48:50+00:00

No, but some acts are degrading (like being pissed on).
Yes. But that doesn’t make the submissive one inferior or anything.
No, I think my partner is enjoying it and often initiates and wants more.
🤷‍♂️ I don’t think it has anything to do with conservatism. Probably porn more than anything. That and people love to invent all sorts of slang terms generally. Probably the disgust factor some men have when they see women as promiscuous so they have terms to describe behavior they are repulsed by. Men wouldn’t use these terms typically for women they desire or admire.

Ego73 · 2026-01-25T15:47:57+00:00

No to all of them

N_Count_Council · 2026-01-25T17:35:34+00:00

Like someone else said, I don't think sex is degrading inherently. Sex becomes degrading when you fuck someone who doesn't care about you (casual sex, prostitution, etc)

ungodlycollector · 2026-01-25T16:40:54+00:00

The phrasing is related to the person doing the work in the context that women are the gate keepers to sex. Typically, the woman is not working as hard, and descriptors for women reference how well they kept the gate.

If I "destroyed a sandwich," I ate it very quickly and efficiently. If I "destroyed her in the bedroom," I did such an excellent job of providing satisfaction that she became discombobulated.

"She rode me till dawn." Obvs asserts that she was the one in control and doing all the work.

And then any of the phrasing you mentioned works in reverse if the couple is into pegging, albeit privately.

Broadly, men will often describe how well the work was done. Women will describe how poorly the gate was kept.

DGenerationMC · 2026-01-25T16:40:12+00:00

I view it as something I'm not interested in happening to me.

Just not my thing.

And that's that.

But, I'm more than happy to do it to women that I connect with, so we can both enjoy together :)

growframe · 2026-01-25T17:09:26+00:00

When you are having sex with someone, do you feel like you are doing something bad or degrading to them?

No

Do you see receiving penetration as submissive?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but more often yes

If yes why?

Being penetrated inherently involves less agency than the inverse

Do you feel like your partners are not enjoying sex and only allowing it for your sake?

No

Generally_Confused1 · 2026-01-25T17:25:50+00:00

I don't, but how do you view bisexual men who bottom I'd ask? That might be your answer based on individuals and if you have such regressive values

Kreeps_United · 2026-01-25T17:52:39+00:00

As long as it's consensual, I don't care.

Plenty_Independence8 · 2026-01-25T19:10:54+00:00

I think people are overthinking a lot of unnecessary shit and waste time. This is a prime example. Who gives a shit about any of this? Who thinks stupid crap like this?

Starcraft_III · 2026-01-25T19:51:52+00:00

Do you have to see penetration as degrading to not be a fan of promiscuity? I don’t think that and I don’t see why one would think it would be an important aspect in why people don’t like promiscuity. Seems to be some like Freudian psychology bs. I don’t think promiscuity is a good thing for men to do either but I can at least respect that it’s generally more difficult to do for a man than a woman. It’s that issue of who its more difficult for that is why one party is scoring and the other is putting out. If it’s not difficult to do it’s an issue of self control. Sure there’s a small percent of men who have it easy or people who live like druggie lifestyles and have no standards and for those men it reflects lack of self control too.

The_WankingBuddha · 2026-01-25T20:06:33+00:00

(1) When you are having sex with someone

False. Next question

(2) Do you see receiving penetration as submissive? If yes why?

Nope, especially since power bottoms are a thing.

I'd like to answer this with a question, do YOU see men who get pegged as submissive or dominant?

(3) Do you feel like your partners are not enjoying sex and only allowing it for your sake?

As long as she initiates and is actively participating, she's enjoying.

(4) If you share the perspectives I described, where do you think it’s coming from? Is it conservative upbringing? Societal portrayal of sex in media? Porn? Or something else?

I think this perspective comes from misandry (yes it exists). It comes from seeing male sexuality as inherently bad/inferior/polluting.

Which is why a woman who has sex with a man loses value. Which is why gay men lose value but lesbian women don't.

Among men it comes from internalised misandry that has been ingrained in them through social conditioning (some people may call it patriarchy). Which is why words like "give up sex" is used - as if sex is a resource given by women to men instead of a shared experience.

“getting railed”, “getting their back blown out”, “getting destroyed/wrecked” etc.

Violent vocabulary is not a woman or sex specific thing though. It's just a boys thing. You beat someone in an argument - you "destroy" them. You betray someone - you "fuck them over" and so on.

Otjahe · 2026-01-25T21:18:59+00:00

You’re over complicating it. Boys grow up and decide weaker/softer = bad (maybe because of pretty old norms evolved from a harsher time where these stereotypical generalizations mattered more in terms of survival), hence the worst thing a boy in the eyes of the other boys eyes can be, is gay.

This then carries on inside the mind and gets applied on women, so you end up with some men at some point actually evaluating what opinions they’ve might’ve had put on them from culture, but aren’t opinions they’d hold themselves now - so they correct. Then you have the other group of men that essentially never grow past their childlike mind and never analyze their thoughts meaningfully.

A clear example is often looking at "ghetto culture" versus a more economically prosperous, higher educated "liberal culture". Often time you’ll see it’s much more common for the men from the first group to have these views, because perhaps for them it’s more important withholding the views that any form of socially perceived weakness makes you a target. As opposed to the second group generally being less sexist overall. Not saying the difference necessarily is huge (hard to tell what’s genuine or not), but big enough to notice without a doubt.

As someone who grew up in group 1 then moved to group 2, this was very easy to observe.

Oh and then you have a pretty common situation where you’ll have men that aren’t from group 1, but they have deep insecurities, so they see group 1 as the cooler, stronger, more attractive group (sort of how sometimes a bully’s victim can look up to the bully). So they join group 1 mentally from the outside so they can feel justified in whatever negative insecurity-based views they have of women already.

Also I wouldn’t be shocked if: the less romantic attention a man gets - the more sexist views he has

beautiful_falcon776 · 2026-01-25T23:43:10+00:00

I think anyone receiving something is submissive by virtue. I wouldn't base off porn too much. Only a demographic watches stuff and like other addictions you want more hardcore stuff to get off to.

GarfeildHouse · 2026-01-26T00:05:49+00:00

If you want the real answers, I’d be scared the condom or dildo would come back with shit on it

Clear-Search-8373 · 2026-01-26T00:15:09+00:00

Penetration is ultra easy to label as dominant, because the penetratee's body has to "submit" and be stretched to even fit it while the penetrator is left wet and flawless afterwards. Not to mention impregnation being a highly dominant factor or threat, or men making penetration hurt as some weird CNC fetish turn on (which women rarely have unless they are role-playing as the victim).

There are just a lot more sexually dominant things a man can do TO a woman that almost always brings the man pleasure, than sexually dominant things a woman can do To a man, as far as I know. Women are kinda stuck having to be passive and "take it", might because of anatomy.

The existence of pegging and it also being the main bread and butter of so-called female domination, i think shows that penetration is definitely seen more as a dominant thing than a submissive one. Otherwise female dominance wouldn't need to rely on all the strange tools that they typically use, and instead would just rely on the female body dominating a man without tool assistance.

I think the whole idea of penetration being submissive might come a lot from religion. Some women might say they view enduring penetration, or being impregnated, as submitting to the "husband"/"head of the house", or that it's a woman's duty to please the man even if it hurts because it's her "purpose" or that its a "sin" to deny "each other" in marriage. So in religion, the idea that a man can hurt a woman through sex or change her body with impregnation, lends to the idea that penetration is always dominant and man's "power" should be "respected" or even feared by women, especially since women can't do those back.

Until women evolve to grow teeth down there or something, the view on penetration in sex probably won't ever change.

Key-Farm-4809 · 2026-01-26T03:14:13+00:00

(1) When you are having sex with someone, do you feel like you are doing something bad or degrading to them? If yes, why?

I like to think they find it a bit degrading. To me, naughtiness, taboo is degrading.

Also hearing how much women despite passive, gentle men who don't feel like "taking the pussy" and being dominant in sex, made me see women as wanting to be used by men, that is their sexuality, they just wrap it up in niceities.

There are exceptions.

(2) Do you see receiving penetration as submissive? If yes why?

Yes of course. I've been penetrated and its 100% makes one feel very submissive and "used" by someone more powerful than you (in that moment)

(3) Do you feel like your partners are not enjoying sex and only allowing it for your sake?

I fear this.

(4) If you share the perspectives I described, where do you think it’s coming from? Is it conservative upbringing? Societal portrayal of sex in media? Porn? Or something else?

Seeing women completely sexually owned and humiliated in porn and LOVING it, completely changed my view of female sexuality. Once you see a woman who just loves being used as a sexual object by a man because shes just so attracted to that man, all you can say is that I hope I can be attractive like that man, cause thats the only way I will get her to feel like that.

WingedSword_ · 2026-01-26T05:54:28+00:00

Admittedly, I'm more of a "deviated" individual than most, but never the less.

1) I wouldn't say sex is necessarily degrading, which is not to say my opninon of a person doesn't change based off who they choose to sleep with, but personally degradation, the ideas, themes, language of it, is what makes sex more interesting. Why? I'm probably fucked in the head.

2) Yes. Even in cases of femdom where a male partner is completely restrained and the woman is entirely in power, once she's penetrated (even of her own choosing) it feels like she's "lost" somehow. Why? I'm not really sure. To me someone being penetrated is just naturally in a submissive position. It's almost like it's an invasion of their body.

3) Not generally no. I'm told it's fun to be in a more submissive position. If they aren't enjoying it, then generally we aren't a great fit, meeting their needs, or something else is going on that needs addressed.

4)could be all of the above? Maybe it was the fact that my "sex education" (don't worry I got a real one) came from porn, online erotic role play, 4chanz and reddit. Maybe it's because I sat in my parent's bedroom while my dad watched a James Bond film one too many times or any other manner of movies. Maybe it's because as middle school and high school went on I felt more and more alienated from my peers l, preventing me from socializing normally with women while spiraling innan obsession of online porn.

Though gun to my head, I'd say a mix of those.

Sophisticated_Cynic · 2026-01-30T21:04:40+00:00

No, but sometimes it’s part of a role play.
Yes
No. If I felt like that I would go find someone else.
It comes from Biology. Hormone differences cause these shifts in feeling.

DaoMark · 2026-01-28T21:54:10+00:00

We can argue over this by definition point, but it’ll be missing the forest for the trees. Quite honestly, I don’t think you’re acting in good faith.

For example, why would it sound like I’m saying penetration is dominant because I said so?

If anything, your unwillingness to make inferences yourself about the most minor things and engaging in this Socratic style of questioning feels dishonest to me.

Feel free to disagree with my argument, but this makes you seem incredibly adverse to this conclusion.

I simply do not believe you cannot see my point about the intrinsic relation between penetration and dominance.

Jip_Jaap_Stam · 2026-01-25T16:16:59+00:00

Depends. If it's a woman with a man who cares about her, then no, it's not degrading. If it's with some bloke she's known 5 minutes who doesn't give a shit about her, then yes, it's degrading.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2026-01-25T15:45:23+00:00

Yes. It’s gay and submissive.

wtknight · 2026-01-25T15:56:38+00:00

I don’t see it as submissive or degrading, but it is putting a lot of trust in one’s partner to be gentle and all that. I suppose that men like knowing that they could potentially attempt to escalate the sex to “hard sex” if they choose to, even if doing so is sexual assault if done without their a partner’s position.

Perhaps it is the sense of power that is what is liked, rather than the idea that someone is submitting. A lesbian using a strap on or even a penetrating sex toy on her partner might experience the same thing. A woman who enjoys pegging a man might too.

Logos1789 · 2026-01-25T18:42:41+00:00

Women themselves have set the standard that penetration is degrading when they choose not to/speak against dating bi men.

antariusz · 2026-01-25T23:44:12+00:00

No

Yes

No

A woman being submissive is not a negative thing. It's a good thing. Men want a submissive woman. The negative thing with modern society is that women are being taught that being submissive is bad.

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projecteddesperation · 2026-01-25T16:18:11+00:00

I feel like the answer to a lot of these is: depends on the sex. A girl could be on top of a guy choking and degrading him while she clam jams his kids out and she's technically "being penetrated", but obviously she's in control and he's being dominated.

Add a strapon and turn him 180 degrees and it's still the same dominance/control dynamic but a lot more stigmatized. This is likely because it contrasts with many different conventions like guys are supposed to be dominant, guys are supposed to be doing the penetrating, and assholes aren't sexual reproductive organs.

I think more size dimorphic sex tends to be more degrading. A guy and a girl of similar height and size having sex seems more equal and balanced than a guy wanting "death by snu snu" or a short girl wanting a tall guy to dominate her.

YourMrFahrenheit · 2026-01-25T18:01:36+00:00

No. Sex is something I do WITH a woman, not TO a woman.
Yes. Being penetrated is submissive. To allow some one to put something inside you is a permissive action. My friends who are men who have sex with men tell me that dynamic isn’t specific to hetero dynamics.
No. My wife initiates about 50% of the time. I doubt she’d do that if she didn’t enjoy it.
N/A. I don’t share that perspective. I may have thought this way before I started actually having sex.

GKilat · 2026-01-25T18:29:43+00:00

It ultimately comes down to perspective. Men are usually the active partner so they see it as them doing the action and the violent phrasing simply suggests lively and passionate sex. I would say it's simply an expression of how passionate sex can be and it is equivalent to pounding nails that takes effort and every strike that drives down those nails in is satisfying to feel and watch.

Sex seems degrading for some men because being submissive is bad in the perspective of men and them losing control on what they want to do. Not necessarily bad in an objective sense but it is bad in the perspective of a man. Being penetrated is indeed submissive when the man does the thrusting but not when the woman tops you even if some men doesn't want to admit it. This is just the result of the natural impulse of men that is assertive and wants control over their actions.

midnight_blue77 · 2026-01-26T06:24:48+00:00

From what I have seen on this sub, it seems that a lot of men have a negative view towards sex, especially towards being the partner receiving penetration.

What you see is not what we see.

When they describe a woman having sex, instead of saying exactly that, they often use negative/violent sounding expressions such as “getting railed”, “getting their back blown out”, “getting destroyed/wrecked” etc.

Literally anything can be made to sound negative under the right connotations. The connotation is an indicator of intent and the intent should not be taken as the meaning of the literal wording out of context. This is not something that should have to be explained because it's common sense to anyone who just speaks English.

When you are having sex with someone, do you feel like you are doing something bad or degrading to them? If yes, why?

No.

Even when a woman actively wants to have sex, they often phrase it in ways that imply it’s something bad for the woman that she allows rather than enjoys - a woman “giving it up” or “putting out”.

There is nothing bad about "giving it up" or "putting out." Especially when a guy is reminiscing about it. The wording indeed implies that sex is something a woman allows because that is literally how sex works. You are very loud in reminding us that men are not "owed sex." That it's something that must be freely given. Making women the gatekeepers to sex. So when women decide to have sex they are opening that gate. "Giving it up" so to speak.

As a woman, this is such an odd way of looking at sex and I am curious where it is coming from.

It's coming from the facts and the imagery of said facts about sex. Again, this is not rocket science and should be something so obvious that you should have figured it out by 9th grade at the latest.

Do you see receiving penetration as submissive? If yes why? (I am not saying submissive = bad btw)

No. It could just as easily be construed as a "devouring act."

Do you feel like your partners are not enjoying sex and only allowing it for your sake?

If a woman isn't into it then it's phony and manipulative as fuck which makes it insulting. If she is not into it and is faking interest then it's purely for manipulation purposes. If a woman is interested in me but does not want sex then all that interest is fake. She just wants something else and sees sex as a currency to trade.

Is it conservative upbringing? Societal portrayal of sex in media? Porn? Or something else?

None of the above. It's just reality! Stop trying to make everything into a god damned "social construct" that can be manipulated away through "education."

CelicnisGhost · 2026-01-25T17:30:54+00:00

1) If I'm in a serious relationship, no. If it's a one night stand, yes.

2) Yes. Women are supposed to be submissive though.

3) Sex is for both of us, if she's not enjoying it there's no point.

4) ???

petellapain · 2026-01-25T18:36:02+00:00

It's good for women, bad for men. Yes, double standards. Yes, unequal

JJVamps · 2026-01-25T16:12:12+00:00

Edit: I forgot to say earlier, but no to 1 & 3. As for 4 I explained why I say yes to the submissive aspect.

Being penetrated is submissive because it’s a passive manoeuvre. They don’t really have to (and most women don’t) actually have to do anything. Submissive isn’t bad but the movement of receiving something and not having to do anything is inherently more submissive than actively doing the penetrating/work.

There’s also the aspect of the penetrated one is typically smaller/weaker than the penetrator, so they have to put more trust and be in a more vulnerable position than the penetrator. That trust involves a little submissiveness inherently in my opinion.

DietTyrone · 2026-01-25T16:14:38+00:00

negative/violent sounding expressions such as “getting railed”, “getting their back blown out”, “getting destroyed/wrecked” etc.

If a guy was saying he did this to a woman, it wouldn't be a negative connotation at all, he'd be bragging.

a woman “giving it up” or “putting out”.

Usually these terms are used in reference to promiscuity, not just sex in general. Like would you say Christian woman who waited till marriage is "giving it up" because she had sex on her wedding night? The context matters here.

(1) When you are having sex with someone, do you feel like you are doing something bad or degrading to them? If yes, why?

No, me having sex with a woman doesn't bother me. It may bother someone else that likes that woman though.

(2) Do you see receiving penetration as submissive? If yes why? (I am not saying submissive = bad btw)

It's hard to have a woman face down in a pillow while giving her the business and not view that as submissive.

(3) Do you feel like your partners are not enjoying sex and only allowing it for your sake?

They enjoy it.

Title	Do you view being penetrated as submissive, degrading or bad?
Author	kmb218
Upvotes	36
Comments	303
Date	January 25, 2026 3:42 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qmmf8g/do_you_view_being_penetrated_as_submissive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-view-being-penetrated-as-submissive.1571930 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571930

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