Do you have any kinks that do not involve your partner being in discomfort or pain?

ComfortableJeans · 2026-05-23T18:43:26+00:00

No, I'm pretty much the opposite. I want them feeling as good as possible, as much as possible.

I've isolated myself from everyone for so long now that I should clarify that these are longer past partners.

But my partners have often expressed a desire to be in discomfort or pain, in order to feel as good as possible.

So I'll engage in it then.

Ultimately, I just wanted them to get as much of what they want, as they could handle. Or as much as I could give.

For me, it's as simple as, I love you, I want to make you feel good.

Alarming_Ask_244 · 2026-05-23T20:37:51+00:00

There are so many submissive men with kinks that involve *themselves* being put in discomfort or pain that there aren't enough dominant women to go around.

krackedy · 2026-05-23T18:21:31+00:00

None of my kinks involve her being in discomfort or pain.

Some involve me being in discomfort or pain though.

pickletea123 · 2026-05-24T02:18:59+00:00

I'm not into the pain stuff. I don't even like doing it to my partners when they want it.

I knew one woman who liked to be choked HARD, REAL HARD.

I'm not explaining this shit to the Police if you die.

LOL

JonMyMon · 2026-05-23T18:39:41+00:00

Have you looked up the data on this? Women are disproportionately represented among consumers of a lot of aggressive and violent porn categories.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-05-23T20:07:14+00:00

Not sure if it’s a kink, but sometimes my wife will go “bimbo mode” as she calls it and starts acting flirty and bimbo like (think a bad actress trying to be sexy in a bad film) because she knows it gets me going, even tho I don’t like that it does, lol!

WebNew9978 · 2026-05-23T20:21:21+00:00

None of the kinks I think I have are intended to cause women pain or discomfort of any sorts. But if they are done for a while, they may cause some discomfort. But pain defiantly isn’t one of them.

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2026-05-23T18:43:32+00:00

It seems like men’s kinks and sexual interests nearly always include things that often cause women pain or discomfort such as deepthroating, anal, choking or spanking

Only women in my life have asked for choking and spanking. Not a single man I know has ever suggested it and it's always been suggested by the woman in the cases I've performed them myself. I won't lie, I do enjoy deep throat- but that's because it feels good not because it hurts the woman.

I have plenty of kinks that don't involve pain- but discomfort is plenty subjective. I am uncomfortable inflicting pain on my partners so would that count as discomfort? if I wanted a woman to spit in my mouth and she was bothered by it would that discomfort? I'm not sure if this is a question I can answer honestly.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-23T18:48:40+00:00

Kink is too broad a term. Taylor swifts kink is karma. A date recently told me hers was words of affirmation.

But to answer your question more good faith, yes there’s a “praise kink” which is generally accepted by the BDSM community that would qualify.

winter_lover28 · 2026-05-23T18:20:25+00:00

I’m not really a kinky person, so who knows? It depends on what others consider kinks.

Neverending_Danding · 2026-05-24T07:44:57+00:00

Praise kink and Degradation kink. Usually mixed together.

Being submissive (as a man) or (fully) dominant

Bondage, visual deprivation (blindfold)

LittleFloofMonster · 2026-05-24T20:22:26+00:00

I’m an ABDL, which doesn’t involve pain for anyone, but might not be the most comfortable for the wrong partner. It’s one of those things you either get or don’t. To be fair, a lot of people don’t.

wolf2424b · 2026-05-23T20:53:39+00:00

It seems like men’s kinks and sexual interests nearly always include things that often cause women pain or discomfort such as deepthroating, anal, choking or spanking.

I assume you would include things like humiliation.

Of the top of my head, I cannot think of any common male kinks that do not involve any discomfort or pain of the female partner.

My sense is that it's pretty common for men to be submissive and/or masochistic. Certainly there are plenty of dominatrices who boast about making a good living.

I would guess the reason you don't hear about this as much is that submission and masochism is so common among women that when a male/female couple engages in kinky activities, it's usually the man who ends up being dominant. Relatedly, a lot of women are disgusted by the idea of a man playing a submissive role, even if it's only in bed.

But here's an experiment you can do: Find some discussion board or dating website where kinky sex is on the table. Say that you are a woman who would really like to whip a man; or peg him; or whatever. See what kind of response you get. I'm pretty confident you will get a lot of interest.

abaxeron · 2026-05-24T09:17:04+00:00

Holding hands, eye contact, cuddling, discussing unsolved problems of theoretical physics while naked in bed.

EugeneCezanne · 2026-05-23T21:48:06+00:00

Vouyerism and exhibitionism. Groups or 3 or more. Light roleplay.

deepthroating, anal, choking or spanking

I don't like deepthroating. The tactile sensation and resultant noises are all slightly unsettling.

As for the other three, I'm guessing you don't sleep with a lot of women. If you did, you might notice how often they straight up request those things. I think they're just "human" kinks, at this point.

From the way men in this subreddit talk about sex, it seems that their enjoyment comes from making their partner do things she doesn’t enjoy herself, but she makes a sacrifice for him because he is attractive

I think men and women enjoy playing with power dynamics, as long as it's in the spirit of play. I don't think most men do so with the expectation that the women won't also enjoy it in the moment.

EDIT: also, a lot of men like to be on the recieving end of pain, discomfort and humiliation. They're just less likely to talk about it.

No_Self_2165 · 2026-05-23T19:52:07+00:00

Yes,

Lots and lots of it.

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Suddenfury · 2026-05-25T18:50:33+00:00

It's a common fantasy for women. Being pushed by a dominant man. Being at his mercy. Being put in place by him.

And yes, I also like doing it nude outside.

just_a_place · 2026-05-26T04:47:25+00:00

My kink is more psychological. It involves BDSM. I enjoy when women relax into "subspace" where they feel submissive and obedient. These "painful" experiences become pleasurable when women get into this state. It becomes exiting and thrilling for them. Giving up control and mixing fear with trust.

I suppose my "kink" is called dominance.

And the reason I enjoy it is because it's not easy. A woman has to be very attracted to you in order to even entice her and then she has to trust you in order to pull it off. If a woman can't trust you or feel she can completely let her guard down with you then it won't work. She will keep holding back and may orgasm with sex but she won't reach that mental state of subspace where she feels deeply submissive and entranced given in to another person.

I enjoy it because it's very intimate and it can be done when we are both still wearing clothes and out and about in the world, sex doesn't even have to be involved. Like I said, it's psychological and it's a very slow burn building up her anticipation and edging her in thousands of little ways throughout the day. I also enjoy having girls wear little subtle symbols or markers of their obedience or "ownership" like chokers or anklets. I enjoy making women feel very calm and submissive and willingly obedient where they actually feel pleasure wearing what I tell them to wear and doing what I tell them to do. Strangely not for my sake but because the act in and of itself feels cathartic to them, like they are giving up their ego and all the stresses of the world in that moment of obedience and submission.

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-05-23T19:07:07+00:00

What world/spaces do you inhabit? Most of mine are around things that are pleasurable for both of us.

As an aside, all women who wanted choked/gagged out/restrained all asked me for it without my discussion of any of them being things I’m into, and while I did it because I’m a team player I had to get comfortable with it (also seeing how much they were into it surprised me when I was younger) in order to enjoy it for myself.

Kapoue · 2026-05-24T02:39:07+00:00

None of my kinks involve my partner's pain. But my partner's kinks often involve her pain. A lot of them asked my to hit them, spank them or choke them.

I'm a people pleaser so I will usually indulge them. I've hit my partners, choked my partners.

By-George- · 2026-05-23T19:57:50+00:00

The only kink I have, that specifically, causes any amount of pain for my wife. Is that I sometimes bite/nip her lightly and give her hickies, with the goal being to mark her (not cause pain). Which is something that she does to me as well, with it causing both of us very little pain in the moment and none afterwards.

Although my wife does enthusiastically enjoys, having her nipples being bitten and pulled with my teeth. Whenever she is highly aroused, with it often tipping her over into orgasm during missionary sex. Yet, that’s a thing that is all about what she’s really into, and she doesn’t feel pain from it when she is aroused.

On the other hand, spanking isn’t her thing or mine, so we don’t do that at all. While choking and any hand on neck stuff is never done, for the considerable dangers it poses, combined with neither of us having any desire for it.

That said, while you (OP) list anal as a pain or discomfort thing. My wife has enjoyed receiving frequent (mostly 4-6x a week) anal sex, through 28 years of our almost 30 years of being together. With it seldom, ever hurting her, with us using lube, being well practiced, and sober (since recognising pain immediately is important) when we do anal play. With anal sex, not being painful for some people.

And yes, I do have plenty of kinks in addition to anal play, that don’t involve hurting my partner. Like giving her golden showers, including in her mouth etc, which doesn’t hurt her at all. With her describing the taste as just warm and tasteless when I am well hydrated for such activities. We’re also both into exhibitionism, which is also pain free.

We sometimes dabble with some cautious and limited wax play, using low melt temperature candles. Which haven’t been painful for us so far, although we both appreciate that it does come with some risk.

There’s other kinks and plenty of preferences that I have as well, that also don’t cause pain, since I don’t get off on causing pain.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2026-05-23T22:56:42+00:00

i mean, some women are into those things too and i certainly wouldn't want to do anything that a woman is uncomfortable with personally. if they're not into what i'm into then i just view it as an incompatibility, simple as that. a big part of it for me is women being enthusiastic about whatever we're doing, not enduring discomfort and pain.

antariusz · 2026-05-24T09:44:08+00:00

I don't have any kinks that involve putting my partner into discomfort or pain.

If that's all you are finding, the common denominator is you.

gordonnowak · 2026-05-23T18:19:51+00:00

I'm sure this question is asked in good faith

/s

Barely-moral · 2026-05-23T19:48:49+00:00

I have no specific interest other than using my partner's past behavior to define what I want from her.

So if she never did anything that involves discomfort and pain then she has nothing to worry about.

Zoya_The_Destroyah · 2026-05-23T18:29:46+00:00

Sure. I love giving facials.

Logos1789 · 2026-05-23T18:27:50+00:00

Sex is an inherently submissive act for women.

Your body is being used for pleasure; even when it doesn’t feel good to you, it feels good to the man.

Most kink involves the woman doing things that prove her submission and enthusiasm to please the man.

I can’t think of any kinks that don’t boil down to that, save for explicitly role reversed scenarios like the man being tied up or something.

huss1992c · 2026-05-23T18:32:29+00:00

I think you're missing the whole point. If it doesn't cause discomfort or pain, and if we wouldn't be embarrassed enough to want to sink into the ground if someone found out, can we really even call it a fantasy?

And then there's the whole rape fantasy thing. You should be careful before throwing shade at men.

Alarmiorc2603 · 2026-05-23T19:47:51+00:00

It seems like men’s kinks and sexual interests nearly always include things that often cause women pain or discomfort such as deepthroating, anal, choking or spanking.

Yet again women are projecting. The most common fetish in women is masochism. Its not that men want to cause women pain, its that men have learned that women want men to cause them pain so they play a long.

abominable_phoenix · 2026-05-23T19:15:37+00:00

I think it's important to remember that some men are simply better (more skilled) than others, so just to play devil's advocate, perhaps "these" guys you reference that cause pain don't know the secret to you enjoying it. You brought up anal, and I think it's a perfect example. It may feel unnatural, have a stigma in certain religions, and yet, the male gay community love it. This is not a guy only benefit though, because we all have the same core biology. That means, on top of a partner's skill, it's psychological, which is fine, a boundary is a boundary. But if you don't like anal, have you ever had cunnilingus when you're really turned on, maybe already climaxed once or twice, and then had him play with your butt at the same time? Or even during intercourse, again while really turned on? This can help build up trust and comfort-ability with butt related activities. Biologically we all have the same nerves in our rectum, so pleasure is almost guaranteed if done correctly and if there are no psychological factors. My ex actually said she couldn't tell the difference between the front and back at one point. My other ex said she didn't "know what I was doing but she liked it" when I played with her butt during intercourse. The whole stigma around anal is relative to the person because it doesn't typically cause pain. For spanking, there are varying degrees of roughness, so it isn't all painful either. I think you may be over-generalizing here.

Perhaps the real question you should be asking is, might there be a psychological factor that is limiting you from enjoying some of these acts? For me, it's not fun unless the other person is having fun, so I wouldn't be doing something that hurt my partner.

Do you have any kinks that do not involve your partner being in discomfort or pain?

Comments

notallmen

Title	Do you have any kinks that do not involve your partner being in discomfort or pain?
Author	kmb218
Upvotes	26
Comments	197
Date	May 23, 2026 5:53 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tlnaae/do_you_have_any_kinks_that_do_not_involve_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-have-any-kinks-that-do-not-involve-your.1581057 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581057