How ''matched'' are most couples?

_revelationary · 2022-09-26T01:38:18+00:00

Research shows generally couples are a “match” (matching hypothesis). I think if you look around you generally see this play out in average relationships, ie when one partner isn’t extremely wealthy or powerful.

Blame_the_Muse · 2022-09-26T00:33:44+00:00

Most couples are value-matched (not necessarily looksmatched—a man's attractiveness is based on more than his looks).

Rare couples that aren't value-matched usually grew apart in value over time (aging badly, gaining lots of weight, etc).

learn2earn89 · 2022-09-26T00:52:02+00:00

Most people are matched but I do occasionally see it one way or another. Sometimes a fat woman with a skinny a guy or a bald, chubby guy with a slim, pretty woman.

At the most extremes, I will say I have never seen a really hot guy with an ugly chick but I have seen an ugly dude with a hot woman.

risdeveau · 2022-09-26T01:54:10+00:00

Science says so and I believe science

And of course, ya know, reality

Regular-Loser-569 · 2022-09-26T00:36:30+00:00

First we need a way to accurately rate looks, which is highly subjective. Then we need to know how "look score" distributes; it may not be a normal distribution. After that we may decide if a couple is look matched. Then you need to repeat for lots of couple to see if couples are look matched in general

This process would be easier if we consider personal income as economical status (big assumption), but I doubt anyone who reply would have sufficient data on that. At most you get anecdotal evidences.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-09-26T00:41:24+00:00

They're almost always looks matched or the woman is the more attractive one in the relationship.

HeartCatchHana · 2022-09-26T02:29:59+00:00

Most couples looksmatch

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-09-26T04:31:31+00:00

In England where I'm from they're usually equal or the girl is much better looking than the dude, this is especially true in working class communities I've noticed some white man who is a 4 who looks like a holocaust surviour is dating an 8. Like one guy who went my school who went to prison for battering an old man almost to death had a STUNNING gf waiting for him and he's one of the ugliest men I have ever seen I wish I could send a photo. On the less extreme the best guy I knew with girls was a 5.5-6/10 and his laycount was 250 and was consistently shagging women above his looks level since his game and frame was amazing and settled down with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

However I have seen and known handsome men dating women signficantly below their level. Like my new wing before he met me he had only gotten women below his level(like 5-6.5s and hes a 9) who done the work for him and was in LTRs with them as he could never get the women he actually wanted cause his social skills were atrocious+low self esteem from a rough childhood so he settled but now after teaching him PUA online and cold approach he's finally shagging and dating the women he wants now after a slow start.

The most extreme was this Romainian Chad I saw in town dating a "post wall" woman who was easily 15-20 years older than him and she was a 3 without question I couldn't believe my eyes what I saw.

huhwhatokok · 2022-09-26T02:25:27+00:00

The problem is most women see most men as unattractive. So by default, in there eyes, women are dating down. Men like women, so a lot of men will gas up a woman saying “what is she doing with him.” So basically, no way to get good data on this.

SolidPuzzleheaded984 · 2022-09-26T01:05:43+00:00

They’re matches. Anything else is an outlier.

Redpillers love to shoot above too.

DarthFarris · 2022-09-26T03:52:46+00:00

Every place is different. When I lived in Vegas, I felt like couples would be pretty matched, honestly.

I moved to Colorado last year and i'm astounded by how many bland-looking dudes are with some of the hottest women i've ever seen.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-26T05:46:49+00:00

The vast majority of people are at least roughly socioeconomically matched and dating outside your class is rare. Looks vary quite a bit more, as well as being more subjective, although I'd say most couples are kinda similar in how good they look (and the worse-looking one often has more social skills or something).

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-09-26T11:20:53+00:00

Redpillers claim the men are more attractive in relationships. I have seen relationships where the woman would be higher in looks but not thaaaat often the opposite. I do see it happen for men that other men would deem attractive, but where women wouldn’t.

Generally people are looksmatched and also phenotypematched which can be the answer to some difference here, i.e. we perceive people that look like us to be more attractive even if one might be more attractive ”objectively”.

BuddUgly · 2022-09-26T01:19:13+00:00

I've seen more tall guys with short land whales than hot woman/ugly man.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-09-26T01:14:49+00:00

Maybe because I spend like 90% of my time on a US military base here in Korea, so my view may be kinda skewed, but from what I see here with US couples if they are not both military is mostly either a fit guy or slightly dad bod guy with an obese wife. With Koreans its different because most of them are slim so most who are matched with them are probably better on the looks department (either both Korean or an American with a Korean). Only exception is if the guy is way old because most of the old men around here have huge guts lol.

2022-09-26T05:33:26+00:00

My wife is significantly hotter than me I won't lie, it kind of feels like winning the lottery every morning I wake up and see this beautiful woman next to me

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DivineDaedra · 2022-09-26T03:55:41+00:00

Depends on who’s evaluating value.

I think the majority of couples are matched well when comparing what each partner prioritizes and how well they meet each other’s needs. Sugar relationships are like an extreme + self aware version of this, as are trophy spouses.

On the less well known/extreme side of things, there are definitely a fair number of relationships that may seem far more imbalanced than they actually are. I genuinely believe that the majority of perceived imbalances are actually negligible when factoring in personal preferences.

Using myself as an example, I significantly prefer long hair on men. Hair and eyes are hands down the most important physical traits to me in terms of attractiveness. Some people strongly dislike long hair on men, some are neutral, and it’s not a “universal” measurement by any means. Almost everyone has some preferences in regards to eye shape and color but the strength of that preference as well as what each person prefers vary a lot.

That being said, there are also relationships out there that are very imbalanced but didn’t start that way. People gain and lose weight, age more or less gracefully, some get cosmetic work done, etc.

Lastly, a lot of people here seem to be more harsh on men than women when it comes to looks.

NakedStreets · 2022-09-26T00:38:07+00:00

People are “mismatched” all the time, because relationships are much more complicated than a few factors.

A woman might not make much money, but if both partners want a big family and a partner to stay home, her earning potential may be irrelevant.

Two people may seem equal on paper, but one might have significant mental health challenges that makes it difficult for them to support their partner.

One partner may be good looking, but smoke two packs a day, go to tanning beds, and never sleep or hydrate… it won’t take long for their looks to change.

risdeveau · 2022-09-26T01:19:03+00:00

Can you not use your own eyeballs? What is wrong with them ?

CameronJohns88 · 2022-09-26T02:36:55+00:00

Seems to me the most long lasting relationships are where the guys are better looking than the girls. Or maybe the guy is only slightly less attractive

But in both cases the guy is infinitely more wealthy and interesting and fun.

Generally guys put in more work in relationships imo

IceMysterious4265 · 2022-09-26T00:43:46+00:00

They claim they see ugly looking dudes with hotties all the time. Do you really believe this? Or am I just dead wrong? How likely is it for a man to date someone who isn't looksmatched to him?

Surprisingly I see this a helluva lot more than people seem to let on. You don't know how many average girls I have seen with 6ft plus white guys with chiseled jaws and rocking Jake Gyllenhaal beard. Most guys standards are not near what alot of people let on

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-09-26T04:56:39+00:00

Most couples are not matched.

Usually one person is less interested in having sex with the other person.

caption291 · 2022-09-26T04:31:49+00:00

Most people base their idea of what is looksmatched based on what people can get. That doesn't work because the average couple is always going to be looksmatched.

I think a more apropriate way to do it is to go by percentages and based on percentages I'd say that men are generally more attractive than their women even if we instinctually find the men less attractive. Sexual selection is a bitch.

LouisdeRouvroy · 2022-09-26T07:53:53+00:00

It depends on how finely you're looking. In broad categories yes people marry most in their socio economic group, but "somehow" most of the times it's the husband that has higher earnings. Female hypergamy is quite something.

For looks, well, the bigger the hypergamy, the bigger the difference with of course the wife being the hottie.

jcdbionicman273 · 2022-09-26T08:05:23+00:00

If you see a couple where there's a large disparity in looks between the partners, there's a good chance that the attractive one is abusive or an unpleasant person in general

coolcpplearner · 2022-09-26T11:41:01+00:00

This answer is really dependent on age. From my observations, women in their 20s mostly fuck guys that are the usual tall, conventionally good looking (usually white) and slim/fit and in terms of relationships they get less picky but not too much. When they get older, they're willing to settle and money becomes a huge factor that influences their standard.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2022-09-26T11:54:12+00:00

I am a people watcher. Airports, malls, festivals. Its about 80%.

wtknight · 2022-09-26T12:21:55+00:00

I think that most couples are attractiveness matched. The difference from looks matched is that women are attracted to more than just looks in men, so a man can make up for his looks in other ways that attract a woman.

gate18 · 2022-09-26T12:33:22+00:00

I would assume most couples are looksmatched. But some on here disagree

I would dissagree because it's meaningless. In that, it depends on what you choose to see and what you choose to ignore.

How likely is it for a man to date someone who isn't looksmatched to him?

As a hedero man, I feel like all I see is average-looking men (fat, beer-belly men) with much better-looking women.

On the flip side, how likely is it for a woman to date someone who isn't socioeconomically matched to her?

"A 2020 survey by TD Ameritrade found that about half of married women earn the same amount or more than their husbands do" - first link I came aross. I find it pointless to look for more.

I'm having a conversation with someone that said "men on block vote conservative" and to prove this the cited data showed about 53% of men vote conservative. But they were happy to say that that meant men "on block" act one way!! And this was after they cited data the proved their own point wrong

Whereas you are simply asking for us to speak based on what we seen as if that's reliable. As if what people think as good or bad looking means anything. I saw the fat woman in the cover that Jordan Peterson categorically thought he was an authority on saying she wasn't good-looking. Are those of us that thought she was good-looking UFOs? Are we brainwashed by the blah blah blah?

Then, yes, if you start ignoring everyone that you think is too x, y, z you'll get whatever result you want.

mouldysock100 · 2022-09-26T14:34:15+00:00

Isn't media forever basically defined by fat ugly leading men with hot women?

Any Woody Allen movie Any Ben Stiller movie House of Dragon King of Queens Knocked up Etc etc

Where is the hot man with ugly women?

darkvalleys · 2022-09-26T15:52:03+00:00

Human social traditions and genetics says…a lot

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-09-26T16:25:06+00:00

On average people know one another a few months before dating. We know that when couples begin dating within a month, the correlation between physical attractiveness is high at .7 or some such (still less than half of the variance accounted for for mate choice btw). We know that by month 9 of knowing one another and starting to date, the correlation between physical attractiveness has disappeared.

IIRC it's somewhere between .4-.6 for 2 months out ---> so responsible for between 15-36% of the variance in mate choice.

Conclusion: most couples are fairly matched, but there are plenty of outliers.

IcarusKiki · 2022-09-26T20:17:32+00:00

Most couples are matched lookwise - I think they did a study on this (but it was pre tinder so idk how it is now)

MagicGal55 · 2022-09-26T21:42:19+00:00

Most couples I've seen matched more or less in all respects:

Looks
Intelligence
Socioeconomic status
- Both growing up as well as current profession so like for example doctors tend to date doctors but also people who went to private school also only tend to date those who went to private school
Income
Popularity
Past sexual activity
And yes even ethnicity

The only exceptions I've seen are:

Those who draw the short straw and cannot find someone in their circle but they want someone enough that they are willing to accept less
- Alternatively one of the parties has lower self-esteem and is willing to accept less cause they just want someone - anyone - to love them
People from traditional cultures who want a traditional marriage so the man marries down socioeconomically or even from a third world country
One of the parties has a less common trait the other party really wants like so they are willing to look beyond other factors like looks, status, or money.
- Most common example I've seen is is wanting a fellow religious Evangelical / Catholic / Muslim
One of the parties has a fetish for a trait seen as less attractive by most
- Example a thing for red-hair

As an example, one of my friends is dating someone who is way better looking than him (She is white, blonde, and quite likely a 9 or 10; he is brown and maybe a 5/6). It checked many of the boxes above:

She had lower self-esteem when they met
Other guys she dated used her for a quick fix and she cared more about wanting a guy who would stick around and not much else
Further she had a thing for smart, successful, kinda nerdy guys who could dominate discussions in a university lecture hall without being arrogant or socially awkward
She had a thing for visible minority men, who are of course normally seen as less attractive

-royalmilktea- · 2022-09-26T21:54:26+00:00

I attempted to be with a man that most people considered less attractive and probably less accomplished than me. It was a mistake, and the lack of match made the relationship worse. Settling is a mistake. I'm not doing that anymore.

To give some specifics, he was 5'6.5 while I was 5'7, he was obese while I was a healthy weight and strong hip to waist ratio, he was prematurely baldinghe made less money than me for the vast majority of our ten year relationship. To be honest, I was influenced by guys talking about how unfair and hypergamous women are, I wanted to be more fair to men, and it was a mistake.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-09-26T21:54:59+00:00

It's hard to be objective, we find different things and people attractive. Both my husband and I think thr other one is far more attractive. My friends bf I think is very plain but she thinks he's sexy

M_LaSalle · 2022-09-27T01:28:57+00:00

They are matched enough to be matched

ObviouslyAnAltAct · 2022-09-30T16:09:11+00:00

It's hard to say. I'm an odd duck. I have a very ugly body shape for a man. It's very unfortunate from a genetic standpoint. My face is nothing to write home about either. Some people like it, but not too many. Meanwhile, my partner is an absolutely gorgeous woman, going several orders of magnitude above me in terms of "league."

I think it's a combination of her having a skewed sense of anesthetics (what can I say, people have a wide variety of preferences) and being raised in a Latin environment rather than an American one (she spent her developmental years in Latin culture but moved to the USA in her early teen years - although she adapted well and has no discernable Latin accent and is fluent in both languages and cultures).

I think in a multicultural scenario you see a lot more mismatched couples in terms of their appearances. Either due to not being raised with the western mindset, or finding another race exotic despite how attractive they might actually be.

Just a theory in a very specific scenario. I could be wrong.

Title	How ''matched'' are most couples?
Author	SantarpiosPizza
Upvotes	25
Comments	145
Date	September 26, 2022 12:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xo3vya/how_matched_are_most_couples/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-matched-are-most-couples.1133868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133868

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