What are true red flags in a potential spouse?

the-mirrorman · 2022-09-18T02:57:12+00:00

-Dishonesty especially if you're affected by it directly.

-lack of accountability.

-selfishness to the detriment of others.

-lack of self discipline.

Such_Substance_320 · 2022-09-18T01:44:46+00:00

Bad hygiene, small minded and someone who doesn’t ask about someone else

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-09-18T04:55:33+00:00

Violence

Can’t control their temper

Tries to control me in any way

Addiction

A past of domestic violence

SeasonPositive6771 · 2022-09-18T03:52:40+00:00

unkind
learned helplessness/weaponized incompetence
drawn to cult-like thinking or behavior, especially around things they don't understand (cryptocurrency, evolutionary psychology, bro-science/woo-science)
refusing treatment for mental or physical illnesses or disabilities when appropriate and accessible
active addiction of any kind
preoccupation with appearances or income
unwilling to communicate openly and come to agreement or respectful disagreement about the major issues (sex, money, politics)

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-09-18T02:37:08+00:00

Not a general red flag but one for me personally.

I'm most compatible with guys who are very close with their family and, for the most part, don't speak negatively of them. I love spending time with my family and I find that guys who are the same way with theirs (like my current BF) just kind of "get it." I don't have to justify not being free on day X because my family is having movie night. He doesn't have to justify that sort of thing either because I get it too.

There are guys who will like that you're close with your family because they think it's a good sign you're not running the streets so to speak. But he doesn't have that relationship with his own and will expect that you'll phase your family out in favor of him eventually.

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2022-09-18T01:53:28+00:00

-Jealousy -Anger issues -Financial problems such as inability to save / gambling addiction -inability to be vulnerable / communicate -relies on a parent or significant other to clean/cook -never moved out of home past age 24

iamzat · 2022-09-18T02:44:34+00:00

These are the top ones on my list:

- She doesn't respect you or your job, your family, your pet(if any), your friends, your ambitions, hobbies etc.

- She doesn't have friends. All her emotional needs you fall upon you and any friend or family member well be seen as an obstacle to clear out of her way.

- She doesn't communicate - many times this can evolve into "i did it behind your back because I love you so I wanted to avoid confrontation).

- Inability to disagree / childish behavior and victim mentality when having confrontations.

- She doesn't take care of her mental health (in any way. Do you like yoga? Go for it! A psychologist? Awesome, whatever works for you, but do take care of your mind. Be an adult).

- She's passive aggressive.

- She's jealous and / or insecure.

PCSX217 · 2022-09-18T04:24:06+00:00

Having an only fans isn't about profiting off of male loneliness. People like porn, most people aren't lonely, unrealistic, weak, getting affected by porn negatively. Sexual content is in demand and people need money. You never know what someone's situation is when they need food/rent and are very young and lacking familial support for reasons out of their control.

I probably wouldn't date an OF/cam girl either but I think the reason you gave is not in any way reasonable. It's a dog eat dog world and a lot of people exploit other humans in far worse ways. There is not exploiting in OF, there's a market for it and therefore people who need/want money will supply. Porn is legal and it's up to the consumer to handle their lives accordingly not the content creators.

That's like saying ice cream is immoral because some people are emotional eaters and can't control themselves so it ruins their lives. I don't wana give up having access to ice cream because other people can't handle themselves.

womandatory · 2022-09-18T07:39:53+00:00

Porn use. It’s the biggest red flag for men and it speaks volumes about a host of other looming issues including other addictions, raging misogyny, laziness and poor self control, being a selfish lover, often being a raging hypocrite (don’t want my gf doing OnlyFans, but happy to gorge himself on every other woman doing it), will likely have an aversion to any kind of equality - domestic work, parenting etc, but will also have an expectation that you’ll pay for half of everything.

Source? Reddit coomers be coomin’.

LotBuilder · 2022-09-18T02:33:43+00:00

It’s very simple. There are givers and takers. Don’t marry a taker. Only enter relationships with givers.

carritotaquito · 2022-09-18T01:49:49+00:00

I'd say being a sex worker could be a yellow flag if they don't file taxes. If your logic is profitting off male loneliness, then I bet you'd use the same logic for the following non-sex oriented professions:

barmaid.

waitress at a breastaurant.

entry-level office workers.

print models.

basically any woman holding any image-related job where most of her superiors are single men.

Basically, where you'll draw the line of profiting off men's loneliness?

superior_mario · 2022-09-18T01:11:23+00:00

Asexual and OnlyFan stuff? Really lol

DiamondLilyD · 2022-09-18T11:43:49+00:00

- Watches porn

- Is promiscuous

- Is selfish

- Doesn't like animals

Ultrashitposter · 2022-09-18T13:07:24+00:00

She follows anything resembling superstitious nonsense.

purplish_possum · 2022-09-18T05:13:36+00:00

The following disqualify women:

she's not educated
she doesn't have a career
she votes Republican (a surprising number of women do)
She is or was a sex worker (some things should never be monetized)

ashleyrose56 · 2022-09-18T12:03:10+00:00

• Any Personality Disorder.

• Any past or current addiction.

• Pattern of entitled behaviour and self-centeredness.

• Doesn't really listen; just waits for you to finish without asking any follow up questions, so that he can continue talking.

• Rapidly changing mood.

• Doesn't have any female friends or close female relatives.

• Can't make me orgasm or doesn't want to give oral.

• Dislikes children.

Steakman1 · 2022-09-18T01:14:23+00:00

Any sort of thirst trap photos on social media.

Bad relationship with their family. Even if it isn’t their fault, having a bad relationship with their family a lot of the times comes with mental trauma of some sort. And people in general seem to be pretty bad at coping with these things. But I definitely give credit to those that don’t let their past traumas affect their current life much.

A very vocal feminist. Supporting women is fine. Making feminism a core part of your personality generally isn’t fine and in a lot of cases comes with some underlying misandrist views.

Lack of basic adulting skills such as cleaning, at least basic cooking, hygiene, etc. I’d possibly make an exception for some of those things if I were dating someone that was like 19. But if they’re in their early to mid 20s and haven’t figured that stuff out yet, it’s probably because they don’t want to do that stuff.

Neglects their health. She doesn’t have to be into working out, though it’s preferred. But if she doesn’t at least pay attention to what she consumes, then there’s a good chance it will cause problems down the road even if her metabolism can handle it for now.

Close minded. It’s fine to have differing opinions than me. And I don’t plan on being someone who tries to change your mind on everything we may disagree on. But if you go into disagreements with the mindset of that you don’t care what I have to say because you already determined you’re right, then that’s going to cause issues.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-09-18T05:43:04+00:00

He wants to control what you wear and who you see.

Steakman1 · 2022-09-18T01:05:04+00:00

He doesn't like spicy food or is a picky eater.

gastongang · 2022-09-18T08:50:40+00:00

ratchet

operapeach · 2022-09-18T14:04:14+00:00

How about watching and consuming onlyfans is a red flag

How bout that chief

14ers4days · 2022-09-18T23:14:27+00:00

Kids and divorces. I let others do the work of figuring out if this person is worth it LOL.

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-09-18T01:09:29+00:00

- Loud

- Overly opinionated and intolerant (most people misidentify being opinionated with being intelligent)

- tattoos

JMoon33 · 2022-09-18T01:30:12+00:00

Asexual

This isn't a red flag, the same way someone being homosexual or heterosexual isn't a red flag. You just need to match with someone that fits your preference. If you're asexual, finding someone else who's asexual is great! If you have a low libido, having an asexual partner might actually be comforting. It all depends on the individual.

Ok-Blacksmith-9418 · 2022-09-18T01:31:26+00:00

All of these make you a red flag. Have you considered that?

Willow-girl · 2022-09-18T01:40:06+00:00

Bad relationship with opposite-sex parent.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-09-18T05:59:50+00:00

You know that there are asexuals who are not sex repulsed that are willing to have sex with their spouse because they want children or because they love their spouse? But you should discuss it with them before making them a spouse.

Asexual does not mean never will have sex. Asexual means that the person does not feel sexual attraction. They can still have sex for practical reasons.

Also, being asexual is only a red flag for a allosexual. For another asexual it is a green flag.

jacare_o · 2022-09-18T15:03:56+00:00

A woman who wants an unfair government financial contract (marriage). If she loves me she will just be with me. That's how families were for hundreds of thousands of years before the modern governments happened.

redkoicarp · 2022-09-18T16:02:52+00:00

- Asexual

This is not a red flag. This is an incompatibility issue, or might be a deal breaker to you, but it's not the same as having bad personality traits. You don't need to be such a dick about it.

Joelypoely88 · 2022-09-18T09:11:47+00:00

(If straight) Many more opposite sex close friends than same sex close friends

CriticalEscapeBike · 2022-09-18T22:45:57+00:00

If she has the same social security # as my ex.

ForeverMaleficent993 · 2022-09-18T12:36:20+00:00

Sex Workers dont profit from male loneliness. He is paying for a fake experience for his own satisfaction. How is a sex worker pretending, taking advantage of him? If anything, i have to forget my own desires and my own nature to make some money to pay bills. How do you think Sex Workers establish non-transactional relationships? We dont pay people generally, we take the time and effort like normal civilians to get to know someone.

Don't blame loneliness for not taking the time to get what others have for free.

Simple-Craft-9577 · 2022-09-18T01:56:51+00:00

It is a sad state of society that we live in that literally hosting sessions where you parade naked to appease random men is considered a “red flag” now. Only fans and cam girls are a red flag ?!? I would have imagined that these would literally disqualify women from any serious relationship ever, let alone marriage. But now this is only a red flag?! Meaning hypothetically, there is opportunity for this to be balanced out by other green flags ?!

It’s one thing to do it due to financial issues. But doing it out of choice, is literally deplorable. And to think OP thinks it’s only a “red flag”. Come on !

InfoVariety-8842 · 2022-09-18T03:52:00+00:00

She won’t do anal

dbz19_kai · 2022-09-18T09:01:42+00:00

Lots of failed relationships

Won't stfu about exes (talk about them a lot, happy that an ex still doesn't have a relationship)

Ask about your salary from the get go, seemingly obsessed with money and buying things

Mean to people around them

Showing signs they lack in empathy

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-09-18T01:58:43+00:00

.As a man I would say that these are red flags in a woman: 1.She has an Onlyfans 2.She posts thirst traps on Twitter Instagram and tiktok 3.She's overly flirty with men 4.She has a lot of tattoos 5.She usually wears tight and revealing clothing 6.She twerks 7.She has more than one child and has multiple baby daddies 8.She doesn't believe in actually using birth control or in safe sex. 9.She's manipulative and tends to gaslight. 10.She doesn't exercise and eat healthy. 11.She has subscribed to having a feminist mindset 12.There's usually inconsistencies in what she says 13.She drinks more than a little bit and she does drugs 14.She has sex for money 15.She's flying to different places every two weeks. 16.She's usually asking for money or for things to be spent on her 17.She's broke, lives on government assistance and child support and doesn't work or have a job 18.She doesn't take personal responsibility or accountability for her actions 19.She has had sex with a lot of men. 20.She has a victim mentality 21.She has friends who are bad influences. 22.She's dirty and doesn't clean herself and wears dirty clothes 23.She has masculine traits and characteristics 24. She lives like a pig 25. She has the mentally of a teen girl.

I would say these red flags in a man: 1.He doesn't take care of himself physically and mentally 2.He's lazy 3.He doesn't make a serious effort to hold down a job and make money 4.He has feminine traits and characteristics 5.He doesn't have personal accountability and responsibility 6.He drinks a lot and does drugs 7.He validates and pedestalizes women 8.He lies 9.He's emotional 10.He doesn't take care of his hygiene 11.He doesn't believe in safe sex. 12.He's criminal minded 13.He's toxic.

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-09-18T06:08:17+00:00

Talks bad about my family. Doesn’t respect my time and love with my family(my dads ex wife would not let him kiss his mom, my grandma.) Not willing to talk about our relationship, what we like and dislike about each other. Not willing to be maleable. Not willing to change. Going out with guys without me. Not acting as a team

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Hoopy223 · 2022-09-18T01:25:20+00:00

Its all what you will put up with.

anon018274031 · 2022-09-18T10:16:10+00:00

1) Poor relationship with their family/doesn’t fit in with mine 2) lies or even more common avoids the truth (and thinks because he hasn’t lied it’s okay) 3) violence/short temper 4) addiction - wether that’s alcohol, weed, porn, phone etc

hear4comments · 2022-09-18T11:00:58+00:00

Multiple failed relationships. At some point you’d think they would realized they’re the common denominator in choosing the wrong people or the one causing the relationship issues.

medlabunicorn · 2022-09-18T11:17:17+00:00

Lack of respect or contempt

Ignores or rides over your opinion on what should be cooperative decisions/acts unilaterally on important decisions.

Vicious/bad temper

Drunkenness or drug use; frequent gambling

Bad/aggressive driving

Embarrasses you in public

RavioliPocketoli1999 · 2022-09-18T14:36:08+00:00

Besides the ones listed

posting on social media more than once a week
venting about past trauma/relationships
making it difficult for you to be trusted based off of previous experiences

AdvocateFroggy · 2022-09-18T17:03:14+00:00

Using 'problematic' in discussions

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-09-18T17:09:41+00:00

A couple of things; it is paramount that you find someone that you have things in common with. Many people would say, that dynamic would be obvious. Unfortunately, that (in my 40+ years of experience with relationships, including knowledge of other's) causes huge problems after people become serious or marry. Someone who has very low, or zero ambition. Fortunately, these people many times gravitate towards each other, so that lowers the chance of getting involved with one. An example is an only child or child of parents who take care of all their financial needs, even after they leave the house. Finally someone who is a liar. It doesn't matter if what they lie about are things that are totally insignificant at the time, someone who likes a lot is trouble.

Title	What are true red flags in a potential spouse?
Author	SantarpiosPizza
Upvotes	27
Comments	150
Date	September 18, 2022 12:53 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xh2qc4/what_are_true_red_flags_in_a_potential_spouse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-true-red-flags-in-a-potential-spouse.1132644 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132644

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