Men certainly don't need to be more in touch with their emotions

ShizoDijagnoza · 2023-08-05T14:28:15+00:00

The only thing keeping me alive are emotions. If I didn't feel the deep anger and hatred towards others I would have taken my life years ago. It's a toxic way to live, I won't deny that but it keeps me from ending it all.

BuhDUMTing · 2023-08-05T15:08:24+00:00

I'm remembering these stats off the top of my head but roughly 80% of men who killed themselves went to therapy before doing so and 70% of therapists marked them down as "low risk". About the same percentage of therapists that are female (74%).

I'm making some leaps here obviously but I honestly think a lot of it is that women aren't able to empathies with men in an any meaningful way.

For example contrary to popular belief mothers are the ones who actually criticize young boys for crying not their fathers https://www.ctvnews.ca/sci-tech/boys-don-t-cry-study-suggests-mothers-not-fathers-show-gender-bias-towards-sons-1.4693208

Tricky_Relief_7152 · 2023-08-05T15:10:55+00:00

I'm gonna call horseshit.

A healthy, self-actualized man is deeply in touch with his emotions.

Because understanding his emotions gives him the power to control them.

A man should be able to understand the things he's feeling so that he can manage them and navigate acceptable courses of action. The men we see in prisons are men who cannot manage their emotions and allow them to dictate their actions. As men, rightly or not, we are held to a higher standard of behavior and we can't allow our feelings to guide our actions. Men who do that are a threat to themselves and others.

Edit: I will agree that crying to women is not a solution but you should be able to adequately express the things you are feeling.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-08-05T14:17:38+00:00

Therapy has gone to a strictly bio-chemical model. Rather that accepting and trying to understand emotions, we view them as chemical defects in the brain which can't be addressed without pharmaceutical intervention.

Add to that chronic FOMO and the idea that any unhappiness is unnatural, and yeah, literally everybody's "depressed" or anxious or on the spectrum.

Emotions often don't feel appropriate (because we are supposed to be happy mature adults), so we are often ashamed of them. That's the part that has to change. There also is often a logic to them in the form of "I expected x and it didn't happen" and now the world makes no sense, seems heartless and cruel, and so on. But what a person's internal logic is (and whether it's realistic or not) isn't going to be clear, maybe especially not even to that person. Stuff like this is what men need to learn in order to process complex emotions. Otherwise they are just walking around in a fugue state basically.

bison5595 · 2023-08-05T14:47:09+00:00

Women want men who they are already attracted too, to be in touch with their feelings. You have to attract women first

Vircxzsx · 2023-08-05T14:56:48+00:00

Almost all the men I've known who were "in touch with their emotions" were the sons of single mothers, and the emotion they were most in touch with was their anger. Echo-head meat pockets on this subreddit think "toxic masculinity" is the root of male rage when, in fact, masculinity teaches men the value of stoicism and solving all your problems without involving others (the exact opposite of what "emotional" men do).

As an aside, I was once close friends a guy who was "in touch with his emotions" the exact way women say they want. Despite the fact that he was extremely attentive and caring toward them, every girl he dated cheated on him. Know why? Because they didn't respect him, because being in touch with his emotions made him into a softie. That's the fate of the majority of men who are "in touch with their emotions".

relish5k · 2023-08-05T15:00:21+00:00

There’s a difference between being in touch with your emotions and being outwardly emotional. Being in touch with your emotions simply means that you are able to describe your feelings and understand what is causing them. “I feel sad because after my performance review I feel like I’m not living up to my potential.” “I feel angry because when you went out with your friends and didn’t call to check in it made me feel like a low priority.”

But one does not need a great display of tears or shouting in order to be aware of and communicate emotions. One can be perfectly stoic and still be very in tune with their emotions.

No one needs to be more emotionally expressive. Shouting and tears and squeals of joy are probably all best left to children. Mature adults should be able to identify their feelings, understand where they are coming from and come up with strategies that minimize the experience of painful emotions.

kkkan2020 · 2023-08-05T14:25:14+00:00

Anything you say can and will be used against you

SmoothForest · 2023-08-05T14:28:23+00:00

Men haven't been increasingly told to be in touch with their emotions. Men have been increasingly told to suppress their emotions, except from emasculating emotions like sadness and anxiety. When it comes to anger, lust, and ambition/competitiveness, emotions associated with testosterone, men have been told to suppress them, which naturally leads to an increasing number of men to feel emotionally numb, lost, and passionless in life, hence suicide.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-08-05T15:49:37+00:00

There are ways for men to process their emotions better without adopting feminine processes.

Enflamed-Pancake · 2023-08-05T13:14:46+00:00

Plenty of the men who kill themselves are the stoic, hardworking, “useful” kind of men you allude men should be.

Excellent-Tree-2612 · 2023-08-05T13:51:12+00:00

Thing is men are in touch with their emotions. Anger is a perfectly valid emotion. Just we’re told to repress how we actually feel because is scares other people

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2023-08-05T15:51:47+00:00

Depression and suicide rates also skyrocket when men feel like they need to bottle everything up. We won't see change overnight, these types of statistics take years to improve. There are so many other factors that contribute to SI besides being "emotional".

I will not marry a man who isn't willing to go to couples counseling before we get married. I love a man who can open up and be vulnerable with me, but that is different than a man with a short temper

houstongradengineer · 2023-08-05T12:46:16+00:00

Omg! What a stroke of genius! Be strong and useful! I'm sure no one ever told this to the multitude of men who ended their own lives! If only they knew!

Umm, what the fuck?

There are factors besides therapy being normalized, but even "more normalized than ever" is a very low bar. Many of these men were NOT, in fact, in touch with their own emotions still. Mostly I'm sure the economic factors did not help at all, neither with being useful and self-sufficient NOR with being emotionally expressive.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-08-05T15:08:38+00:00

I agree on not being emotionally expressive. Men should be aware of negative emotions and manage them skillfully, but never reactive to them. And never expressive of anything except positive emotions around women.

This doesnt mean simply not being in touch with your emotions. You're going to experience them, so just repressing won't help.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2023-08-05T19:37:05+00:00

You can’t control your emotions if you aren’t in touch with them. And male violence, the result of men not being able to control their emotions, is clearly still a problem.

And a very small percentage of men are in therapy. So it’s hardly as if we tried that and it didn’t work.

I also points out that expressions of anger or emotional expressions and so if you count, anger, men are very emotionally expressive.

CielFoehn · 2023-08-05T20:17:05+00:00

This is a bad analysis. A more expressive man is a healthier male mentally. That said, the modern world contributes to bad mental health problems more as a whole. We’d have worse rates bottling everything.

OkBlueberry3088 · 2023-08-05T13:01:27+00:00

I agree. Find one male friend or family member to confide in if you really need to get something out. Other than that, express your emotions at the gym. Turn your depression, anger, heartbreak into fuel for strength gain. We must be the rock of our families in order to be respected as leaders.

Asatmaya · 2023-08-05T13:27:22+00:00

There is 0 benefit for men to be more emotionally expressive. Women hate it when a man is overemotional.

On the contrary, that is what lets them manipulate us, which is why men should not be very emotionally expressive.

wtknight · 2023-08-05T16:54:30+00:00

Women like it when are positively emotional. They don't like it when men are negatively emotional. When women say that they want men to be more in touch with their emotions, they are saying that they want them to be more in touch with their positive ones, which is something that can be beneficial for men and their prospects of attracting women if they are capable of doing it.

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-08-05T17:17:26+00:00

I think most men are very in touch with emotions. But we have to be very careful who we open up about those emotions to. I know very few guys who have opened up and shown vulnerability to a wife or girlfriend, who didn't have it come back and bite them in the ass in some way. Be it the woman using it as a cheap attack in a future argument, or she loses attraction to the man over it.

It is important to open up sometimes. It isn't healthy to keep things bottled up. But those conversations need to be had with a therapist, a trusted male friend, or a trusted family member; never your romantic partner.

LaPolloGrande · 2023-08-06T15:01:35+00:00

Men need to be more in touch with our emotions for ourselves. It’s not your job to please women or other men with your existence or usefulness

Feeling life makes life worth living. If some losers don’t like that, that’s their problem

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-05T12:56:40+00:00

Connecting with your emotions is scary and hard at first, it will get worse before it gets better. This is often why men don't want to do it. Teething problems are to be expected. You're certainly not going to feel better by suppressing everything until you explode some day. I can also imagine these problems aren't increasing so much as being revealed more and more as we develop more awareness of what's really going on.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-08-05T13:45:12+00:00

I think the “be more emotional” means “be more emotional IN WAYS THAT SERVE ME AS A WOMAN”.

Most men are emotional. Which, instinctually, tends to be anger and frustration. But, those are dangerous so we need to conceal it in a better way. So say “be more emotional, but emotional like me!”.

Little do people understand that this anger and frustration has been channeled throughout human history for some of the greatest innovations of all time.

Now, when you tell men to be super emotional and try to validate things like sadness, being vulnerable, etc, you end up with shit like Columbine.

There’s also data out there that shows most therapy of men exploring their feelings actually made them feel worse.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-08-05T14:38:39+00:00

I think men can choose whether they want to be in touch with their emotions or not. If they do want to they can get with a hippy free spirit woman and go to Mexico for an ayahuasca experience. If not they can crack open a cold one with the boys. Men just can't lose imo.

SorryEm · 2023-08-05T17:51:42+00:00

Men are in touch with their emotions more than women are.

legend0102 · 2023-08-05T15:56:42+00:00

What we need is a social change. To appreciate men more for what they are and can provide, even if it’s not much. I think that would solve a lot of problems.

Salty-Chef-4814 · 2023-08-05T16:56:13+00:00

You've spoken the truth. The earlier emotionally weak men realize that therapies are a conveyor belt for the pharmaceutical companies, the better they will be.

Zombombaby · 2023-08-06T02:52:04+00:00

I think a lot of men seem to confuse being emotionally abusive for being emotionally vulnerable. This "uncomfortableness" with men "expressing their emotions" is usually women being like "no, you don't get to cry and pretend you're the victim while you're verbally abusing me".

For example, my husband does this thing where he'll rail on me for literally hours for completely inconsequential things like how I didnt have the right tone of voice when I asked him a question (ie, the ladt time being when he commented that "my vouce dropped an octive and that's clearly an indication that I'm being condescending toward him. I didnt even notice that my voice got one octive deeper and i was chasing around our 4 year old along a busy road to boot). When I tell him "Hey, you didn't need to escalate this or that wasn't how I intended to make him feel it turns into "oh, I guess I'm the worst person ever. I can't do anything right. Why are we even married?".

I was raised where my dad did the same thing and my mom made it out to be our fault so i learned that when men acted out, it was my fault. So I spent a lot of time trying to mitigate his emotions and reactions to the most mundane things. Thankfully, through therapy and working on my personal confidence, I've recognized those aren't reasonable reactions to normal mundane inconveniences. And because I'm not constantly safeguarding him from every minor upset then all of a sudden I'm not being a team player.

Honestly, emotional immature people in general just deserve each other. If you can't recognize the value of emotional labour and your impact on your partner then don't complain when other people don't put the work in for you.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-08-06T01:23:49+00:00

Men don’t benefit from knowing what they feel if they don’t have the tools to deal with those feelings.

Swimming_Fly_1833 · 2023-08-06T06:10:47+00:00

This attitude is exactly why we need men to be emotionally expressive and open about mental health. This attitude re-encourages men to regress back into devilish man made patriarchal stereotypes of being unemotional, hard, brash, controlling, sexist and boorish and fitting social boxes of a rigid, monolithic approach to masculinity and this is extremely unhealthy. Plus, you sound bitter and resentful as well as jealous and judgmental of other men who balance out having a good dose of backbone and self respect while also knowing to express emotions in a healthy manner. I hope you spend more energy unpacking these mindsets and working on yourself instead of projecting onto others.

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NalkaNalka · 2023-08-05T15:17:31+00:00

There are benefits for men to be more emotionally expressive particularly with positive emotions. Emotions=/=crying

purplish_possum · 2023-08-05T16:41:00+00:00

A guy truly getting in touch with his emotion.

https://www.facebook.com/watch?v=1782949718442190

_here_ok · 2023-08-05T17:05:44+00:00

Being in touch with ones emotions is the way to benefit others and yourself. A man or women who isn't in touch with their emotions are basically a liability and hazard.

They'll need an outside force to stop them from committing acts of uncontrolled aggression and malice. They'll need to constantly be pressured to gain the motivation to do anything. They'll be unaware of things going around them because they haven't properly processed what they feel.

if I'm angry I have to accept that I'm angry and in turn let myself express the emotion. Bubbling it up or "not feeling angry" aren't options because they both bring in their own dangers. Bubbling up will inevitably lead to an explosion. Not feeling it will create a dissonance with others.

-terrold- · 2023-08-05T18:24:31+00:00

Sorry for being such a burden

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-05T20:32:49+00:00

Men don’t need to be more emotional necessarily, but they do need to understand their emotions better. Everyone is emotional, but a man who doesn’t understand his emotions and how to deal with them will be more prone to depression, destructive behavior, outbursts, and even suicide.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2023-08-05T22:51:55+00:00

Therapy , mental health awareness are more normalized than ever. Yet the suicide rates are not getting any better, are they?

Yea because they aren't in touch with their emotions and aren't willing to admit that they have a problem rooted emotionally so will deny to see a therapist LOL.

Alt_Account092 · 2023-08-06T00:37:27+00:00

Therapy is becoming more common, though there is still an immense amount of stigma preventing men from seeking out the help they need.

I think if we encourage distressing men to attend Therapy, and try to lower the titanic amount of social pressure for men to automatically try come up with short-term solutions rather than fixing the underlying/broader issue. We would see a reduction in suicide across the board

goingtothecircus · 2023-08-06T05:20:15+00:00

I would love to comfort a crying man and dry his tears.

Nihi1986 · 2023-08-06T12:17:36+00:00

Men need to be in touch with their emotions only if they have the tools and support to manage those emotions. If that's not the case, better to be stoic and not allow your emotions to affect you much, because as a man, you probably are pretty much alone.

Anyway, the be in touch with your emotions is code for be easier to manipulate...

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-08-06T18:30:00+00:00

There is not much benefit to being more emotionally expressive, agreed.

There is a benefit to being self-aware of your own emotions, knowing how to regulate your inner emotional state, and even when to listen to one’s emotions. There is also upside to being aware of others’ emotional states and ways of expressing.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-08-07T16:09:00+00:00

Yep. Obviously we aren't going to no keep unaliving our selves so we might as well not even fucking try to stop or get help.

"Keep calm and suicide" the most masculine quote to ever be spoken.

Lower-Support-6732 · 2023-08-08T12:03:28+00:00

Developing your emotional acuity will allow you the benefits of being able to communicate more effectively. You can learn to separate your entire being from your maladaptive behaviors. Doing so allows you to handle the issues in an appropriate manner. Heightened emotional acuity does not equate to “crying your eyes out.” Crying your eyes out sounds more like a tantrum. With heightened emotional acuity you can learn to care for others and yourself in a manner that sets present you and your future variations up for success simultaneously. Also, this is not an “either—or” situation as you have framed it. Developing emotional acuity means developing your ability to think logically and, thus, often critically. Ot positively impacts every facet of being including but mot limited to heightened brain development—increased neural pathways and your body’s ability to learn how to do this more effectively. This means that you will be able to think up more possible solutions when presented with a problem. There are too many perks to developing one’s emotional acuity for your original claim to be valid. So much value that is is reiterated throughout Biblical stories amongst most religious texts and those archetypal triumphs often serve as the essence to most art. Lacking the ability to see that does not make it worth less. It means you still have more growth pending.

I agree that male suicide and homicide rates are closely linked to men’s feelings of utility but that sense of utility—purpose—is intrinsic and requires a lot of (emotional) work to tap into. There would be less suicides if we learned to value the individual more. But, valuing them—truly caring means holding them accountable for their actions and inactions.

Rule to Life: “Get your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.”

Title	Men certainly don't need to be more in touch with their emotions
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	79
Comments	161
Date	August 5, 2023 12:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15iuha7/men_certainly_dont_need_to_be_more_in_touch_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-certainly-dont-need-to-be-more-in-touch-with.1227653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227653

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