Question for conservative men: Would you ever raise another man's child?

2022-12-14T17:33:56+00:00

If me and my wife are already together, then we can consider adoption. Otherwise if a woman already has a child, I won't date her in the first place. If girlfriend/wife cheats on me and gets pregnant, she can get lost and her child can get lost as well.

I'm 22

MarBitt · 2022-12-14T17:18:17+00:00

Yes. I consider that one of the principles of being a godfather when a child's parents die. In the same way, I would raise the child of my siblings, my wife's siblings, etc. as my own.

I might even consider adopting another child with my wife and giving him a better life.

As for a single mother, maybe if I were a widower or single father. As a young man without children, I probably wouldn't start a relationship with a single mother.

NOTSM · 2022-12-14T17:17:48+00:00

I'm an old man at 30.

What are your thoughts on step parenting? Would you ever consider becoming a step dad? Or is a woman already having children to another man a 100% dealbreaker?

This is a complete deal breaker for me right now. But I could see myself doing so if I find myself single with kids of my own.

If you would like to answer further questions on the topic: Do you think that being a step dad conflicts with conservative values? and if so, do you look down upon men who are step fathers?

I don't think it conflicts with conservative values at all. I don't "look down" on step fathers but I can be judgemental depending on the situation that led to it.

Filmguy000 · 2022-12-14T18:29:12+00:00

I'm conservative leaning but mostly moderate in my political beliefs. As far as your question, I personally would never date a woman with a child. I would definitely raise the child of a family member in the event of their death(s). But bringing in another person into your life is hard enough and if they have a kid(s) it makes it far more complicated.

I'm 37 years old and I have seen many men (friends and family) enter relationships with single mothers. I can tell you that their lives are mostly less than ideal. Movies and social media make these dynamics seem challenging yet heartwarming and things always end up happily working out. Not true.

The vast majority of women who are single mothers will prioritize their child over their partner. Which is natural and not unreasonable. But it is not ideal for the new male partner. This is because he is not technically the father and usually the mother will not like him behaving like one as far as being a disciplinarian. She will appreciate the monetary security and companionship that he provides for her and her children. But his role is very limited and when the children get older, many develop a lack of respect and play the "you're not my dad" card. And the mother almost always sides with their child. And the dude ends up a sitting duck investing time, energy, emotion and money for kids that are not his. And he is stuck being partnered with a mother that is never truly 100% on his side. And don't get me started on baby daddy problems.

I had this conversation a couple years ago with my best friend who began dating a single mom. And he is a great guy that goes above and beyond for his partner's little girl. He disagreed with my warnings and resumed the relationship. He and I talked recently, and he is beginning to express disillusionment. He clearly learned that he has to constantly walk on egg shells when it comes to the little girl. And the guy is faithful as hell and will never leave them, but he described his life now as "paying rent to have a family". Basically, he is occupying a place in their (partner and her daughter's) lives and is expected to contribute but has no real say. And he knows that if the contributions are no longer given, they will be the ones who move on. I have seen this time and time again.

Gari_305 · 2022-12-14T17:50:02+00:00

Oh hell no,

I had seen the shit the step fathers go through and yeah, no.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-12-14T21:48:20+00:00

If ur a single man with no kids, why would you date a women with such baggage?

Single moms are for single dads

KlingKlangKing · 2022-12-14T17:12:12+00:00

Nah why would I?

monkeybeast55 · 2022-12-14T18:07:10+00:00

Old man here, in my 60s. But when I was young and on the market, a woman having kids was not a problem. I ended up marrying a woman without kids, and have three between us. But what's the big deal? Life is sloppy. If I married a single mom, her kids would become my family. And I would provide for them and support them unconditionally, same as for my kids that share my DNA.

Maybe I was just raised in a different time with a different set of values. I don't understand the many "no" posts on this sub. Unless you don't want to have kids at all, because you hate 'em or something.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-12-14T19:59:19+00:00

I'm very liberal socially and I'd never date a single mother or raise another man's child, that's maybe the only conservative belief I have socially

md8716 · 2022-12-14T21:10:05+00:00

I'm 40. I'd raise another man's kid as an addition to a previously established family of my own.

I would not form a new family from scratch with a single mom.

zerofeetpersecond · 2022-12-14T18:34:45+00:00

No childless man with options wants to raise another man’s child because it’s a second place position. First born child is highest honor a woman can offer a man and they often offer it to lowlifes. Why should a better man except less than you gave a bad man?

DryOutcome3407 · 2022-12-14T20:18:27+00:00

A massive deal breaker and yes, I look down in men that are step dad's BY CHOICE.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-12-14T18:35:52+00:00

Not a conservative, but for step children, probably not. Step fathers are severely limited in the role they get to play in their step-children's lives in terms of decisions about how the child is raised, but are in the hook for the responsibilities.

I have a godchild, and that's sorta the point. So for them, absolutely 1000%.

alvarofalkov · 2022-12-14T18:55:29+00:00

I wouldn't describe myself as conservative generally but in terms of relationships and such, calling me conservative would be apt.

Yes, being a step dad is absolutely out of question, it is simply gross that you have walking, talking symbol of another man who used to fuck your woman, completely and utterly disgusting.

The only scenario that I see myself engaging in such relationship is if I have zero other options even then I would have one foot out the door.

geometersbane · 2022-12-14T21:02:51+00:00

For double my salary (or more), sure. Otherwise, fuck no.

melody_of_ · 2022-12-15T08:50:22+00:00

I wouldn't say I'm conservative (maybe by nordic standards so ill use that as an excuse to answer.

But no

Children are a hard deal breaker for me. If a woman has a child that child is always going to be a logistical nightmare for any plans and will drain energy time resources ect. Obviously this is as it should be.

Still the fact remains it would reduce my quality of life and all ill get out of it is a more complicated less fufilling relationship.

Let's say i was infertile that changes things we could adopt if we want kids at that point. But id like to have my own kids if possible

Meihuajiancai · 2022-12-14T17:45:23+00:00

Yes*

If my nieces or nephews lost their parents or my friends die and I'm in the best position to raise their kids, absolutely. What's the other option, have them raised in foster care?! Hell no

But if you're asking in the context of dating, that becomes a much grayer area. In that case I am very hesitant and it depends greatly on the custody arrangement, level of extended family involvement and number of kids. So, a divorced mother with two kids who has 50/50 custody and has siblings and parents and other family in their lives to help, I would be open to that. But a single mom with full custody and no family support is a hard no, even if it's one kid. Although if she has a very good income and can pay for help, I would consider that.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-12-14T17:11:00+00:00

No.👍

KingWhoCared86 · 2022-12-14T17:18:45+00:00

It would depend on the situation and the person. I wish I could act all alpha male and assertively say no I won’t raise another man’s kid. But I’ve legally agreed to raise my brothers children in the event of a tragic fate. In addition, many of my cousins remarried with their family becoming a semi-Brady bunch mixed family and all around much happier than they were with their prior spouses. I’ve also dated some single mothers already. I feel like the biggest obstacle in not raising another man’s child would be my own mother. She’s the most adamant person in my life about not dating single moms.

tired_hillbilly · 2022-12-14T17:20:53+00:00

I'm not strictly against it. It just seems unlikely to work out. It's hard enough to get two people to live together happily, but now you add a third?

Lets say the mom and I hit it off. That doesn't guarantee the kid will like me. I'll try my best, but realistically it's a lot to expect from a kid. Is he or she gonna be ok with it? Can't really say pre-emptively.

I also still want my own, biological kids.

2022-12-14T17:50:20+00:00

I’m conservative leaning. I have no general issues against single moms or step dads, to each his own. But I also don’t think its wrong to say “ single moms are 100% off the table for me”. Best case scenario, she doesn’t need financial support, no baby daddy drama, good kid. She still has that level of responsibility, which starts to get in the way of small things. Needing a baby sitter to go out on dates, having to return home after a date to be with the child and unable to spend the night with me. I like kids but if she starts bringing the child around, this means we have to do activities around the child etc. Its not that she is bad in my eyes, its just that every person has a life outside dating, different responsibilities etc and I choose not to deal with a woman who has those added child responsibilities. I value flexibility, ability to get up and go on an adventure, travel etc in a relationship.

wtknight · 2022-12-14T18:12:13+00:00

I’m not economically conservative but I’m fairly socially conservative. When I was young and dating I preferred childless women, but I wouldn’t automatically rule out a woman who had a kid already. The more kids that she has, the more uneasy I would be about it though.

Podlubnyi · 2022-12-14T18:40:56+00:00

I have nieces who I would absolutely raise if for whatever reason their parents were no longer able to care for them.

No man wants to unknowingly raise someone else's kids. Wouldn't date a single mother: too much additional drama.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-12-14T19:57:49+00:00

i have some liberal ideas but im more conservative leaning so i think i can answer too

Yes if i consent to it, and only for people i have a close bond with or the child is related to me to a degree, for example i would raise a nephew or a little cousin, or my second cousin or maybe the kid of a really good friend, however if it is the bastard child of a woman who go pregnant by a fuck boy then get out of here, if my wife were to get pregnant due to cheating then also gtfo, and if i my wife commits paternity fraud then God forbid but i would show no mercy.

Now if i would look down on a stepdad? depends, the only times i would look down on a step dad is if he still took care of a kid of a woman who tried to screw him over, or he dates single moms because better than nothing, or because he has a savior complex and fell for the manipulation of "thats what a good guy does" or he decided to accept a basic bitch who is only looking for him now that he got pregnant by a bad boy or as they call him nowadays a fuckboy, but the things is, almost everybody looks down on those men, women included, even the single moms that date them, ironic eh? somebody had to say it.

LogicianMission22 · 2022-12-14T20:24:03+00:00

I (22m) would raise my siblings or siblings children if something had ever happened. If a good friend ever died and left behind young children, I wouldn’t “raise” them, but I would mentor them and help if they ever needed it. However, single moms are a big time nope.

As for step dads, I don’t judge them negatively. If they made the choice to be a step dad, then they clearly are okay with it.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-12-14T21:05:38+00:00

No.

Mid 30s had a step dad also, no on enjoys it.

The only reason a family isn't a traditional nuclear family is something went wrong along the way.

recklkiller · 2022-12-15T01:11:41+00:00

For me no, I believe that I wouldn't be able to love this child as much as I'm supposed to, therefore I would never. But if I ever decide to, I believe that it is my duty as a father who accepted this child to treat them just like my real child and spoil them, take care of them etc...

DownvoteMeYaCunt · 2022-12-15T01:54:57+00:00

2022-12-15T03:21:46+00:00

SuspiciousMaximum856 · 2022-12-15T05:23:14+00:00

No way!

dbz_111 · 2022-12-15T07:58:53+00:00

😂

No

photo-nerd84 · 2022-12-15T12:17:27+00:00

Would I raise another mans child? No

SillyMushroomTip · 2022-12-15T12:29:58+00:00

Dated singled mothers, multiple times.

Not worth it. Period.

TyshawnMaikonMillion · 2022-12-15T14:19:35+00:00

No it's too much responsibility for something that will never officially be mine.
I gotta "man up" for a woman that didn't "woman up"?
Yeah no.

Workaholiconew · 2022-12-15T14:30:40+00:00

Technically speaking, I am a libertarian, but everything to the right of mao in america is considered conservative so....

Would you ever raise another man's child?

Only as a last resort.

What are your thoughts on step parenting?

it is either a last resort to obtain relationships/sex when your choices are limited, or a last resort when you cant have children of your own.

Would you ever consider becoming a step dad?

If I am old, and have no other way to obtain a partner or sex? Yes. But if I have any other choice, I would NOT take this bill, which isn't mine.

Or is a woman already having children to another man a 100% dealbreaker?

As long as I have a choice? Yes.

Do you think that being a step dad conflicts with conservative values?

Not a question of conservative values, it is a cost/risk which is owned by another, which you are willing to take, you are not paying only for the woman, but also the kids... You are grossly overpaying your way into sex/relationship. It is best to just look for somone newer, or just be alone.

and if so, do you look down upon men who are step fathers?

I look with pity on them, cause they either are grossly overpaying or really desperate.

Teflon08191 · 2022-12-15T16:38:08+00:00

I couldn't be a step dad. I'd feel like the odd one out in the family. So yeah, 100% dealbreaker for me. The only exception would be something very specific like my sister having a child and then passing away and there being nobody else to raise it. That's not being a "step dad" though.

Step dads can range from noble men to gullible idiots. It all depends on their specific circumstances. Without knowing those circumstances I can't say whether I look down upon them or not. I will say though that most instances of step dads are probably going to be ...well, maybe not "looked down upon" but...pitiable?

It's just not an ideal situation for a man to be in.

36

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2022-12-15T17:55:09+00:00

Why is this specifically for conservative men? Most men on the whole political spectrum would be unwilling to date a single mom, because generally it's not a good deal for them. You are required to invest time, effort and resources into another man's spawn, which doesn't biologically benefit you in any way shape or form. Most men know this consciously and subconsciously. That said, I don't think it clashes with conservative values. Even bible said that if your brother died, you should marry his wife, or something like that.

Yes, most men do look down on step fathers, because they are raising and investing in another man's kid. It's like the ultimate form of cuckolding in a way, and most men don't really respect cucks. And for the man in question it might feel humiliating in a way.

The problem with single mothers isn't that they can't find a man. It's that they don't usually offer a man a good deal. If a woman has a kid or two or whatever, she can still get a man. She just needs to offer him a good deal. Here is a very simplified example. The woman in question is an 8/10 in looks and gets together with a guy who is barely a 5/10, and she agrees to have more kids with him. That way the guy has to invest in and take care/protect the offsprings of another man, but he also gets to have sex and reproduce with a woman that he otherwise wouldn't be able to.

ChudBuck · 2022-12-16T07:55:26+00:00

I would never help raise another man's child UNLESS there was a literally a gun to my head. A woman already having a child is 100 percent a deal breaker for anything serious outside of casual sex. If I ran into her kids (probably would) in some kind of FWB deal, then I would probably try to pass on some sort of fleeting guidance but that's about the extent of me raising her kids.

I do look down upon men who are step fathers, or at least I believe they were shamed or fooled into believing that it's a reasonable thing to do.

Age 33, Politically Center/Right

tastronaught · 2023-01-10T01:57:22+00:00

No. It’s a hard, hard deal breaker. That goes for 90% of men with options/aren’t desperate.

Caetraaa · 2022-12-14T17:16:19+00:00

Personally i’d rather be shoved off a building

guarana_Jesus · 2022-12-14T17:14:37+00:00

daddysgotanew · 2022-12-14T23:01:34+00:00

Absolutely not. It goes against every fiber of my being, as it should every other male.

upalse · 2022-12-14T17:26:05+00:00

Anyone saying "no, I don't wanna be a cuck" isn't really socially conservative. You don't get to pick and choose from trad roles: You have a duty to provide no ifs, no buts. Woman has a duty to follow. That's the covenant which makes it work in the first place, you can't just eat your cake and have it too.

It's what really irks me about /pol/ style of traditionalism. While I understand the gut feeling to not provide for a bastard, you simply can't reject the bastard. When the entire system is "women don't have agency", you have to accept the responsibility that comes with it. Calling someone cuck is in really poor taste in traditionally minded societies.

Bikerbats · 2022-12-14T18:39:20+00:00

I'm conservative on some issues, more liberal on others. I did marry a single mother, and I have the stones to say it on r/ppd. It obviously doesn't run contrary to conservative values, because here in Texas, you wouldn't be able to throw a rock and not a hit a step-father in church or the GOP rally of your choice.

I love my step-children to this day, and 4 out of my 9 grandchildren are from my step-children. My biological children have now won the race and given me 5.

Podlubnyi · 2022-12-14T17:47:47+00:00

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jeralte · 2022-12-14T17:30:45+00:00

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Doinpromo · 2022-12-14T17:51:47+00:00

Do you think that being a step dad conflicts with conservative values?

The fact of stepdads existing in the first place in non widow situations conflicts with conservative values

BensonInFL · 2022-12-14T20:23:45+00:00

Would you ever consider becoming a step dad? Or is a woman already having children to another man a 100% dealbreaker?

If I was ready to settle down and have children, it would be okay as long as I eventually had a child or two of my own with her as well, then the step kid would just fold into a larger family, and as long as she had a sufficiently higher SMV to make up for the burden of the child.

-B

load_more_commments · 2022-12-14T18:42:53+00:00

If I fell in love with her, why would I care? It's not the kid fault his parents split up.

8m3gm60 · 2022-12-14T18:53:04+00:00

I don't fit well into the classic political spectrum, and I'm already married, but I would have considered it if the mother was responsible, the child was young enough, and if the father was totally out of the picture. Then it would be a matter of adopting the child.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-12-14T19:03:56+00:00

35, pretty socially conservative

What are your thoughts on step parenting? Would you ever consider becoming a step dad? Or is a woman already having children to another man a 100% dealbreaker?

If I was single, I'm not opposed to dating a single mother and I know that that entails having to help raise the kid, there's some caveats but if it's one kid at least 7 or 8 years old, cool but if she's got multiple kids by multiple fathers, no

Do you think that being a step dad conflicts with conservative values?

No

Acrobatic-Fun-3281 · 2022-12-14T19:10:58+00:00

I (62M) am not conservative. I have no children of my own. Never wanted.

I would raise someone else's kids only a few rare, narrow sets of circumstances. Ex. the mom would have to absolutely rock my world. The child(ren)'s sperm donor(s) would have to be making their child support payments timely and in full, unless the mom herself is a widow. If said sperm donor is the prototypical sociopath that women can't make it work with, I can't run away fast enough. Don't want to be in the middle of a drama-fest.

So you could say it about a 99% deal breaker for me. I'm not here to fix other people's problems or mistakes

Philip8000 · 2022-12-14T20:54:05+00:00

Not a conservative, but yes, I'd be willing to do it. Certainly something I'd be nervous about at first, being unsure how involved my hypothetical partner would want me to be.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-12-15T12:35:52+00:00

Absolutely, I love kids.

I helped raise my little sister as a teenager (I was 15 when she was born.) I consider my partner's nieces (age 6 and 9) to be my own nieces.

Men who "wouldn't raise a kid if it wasn't their own" tend to be terrible fathers. They're the ones who don't chaperone on school trips, they don't host slumber partiers, they don't care to meet the friends of their kids, because if it isn't "their kids" they don't like them.

These are the dads we knew growing up that had a "study" where the kids would whisper to their friends "shhh we can't bother dad when he's in his study."

Jakeybaby125 · 2022-12-14T18:13:06+00:00

Depends on the context. If I were adopting a child or taking care of children because their parents died, yes. If I were dating a single mother, no

social_mule · 2022-12-14T19:28:16+00:00

50.

Absolutely. If something happened to one of my nieces or nephews and my great nieces and nephews became orphans I'd step in, legally adopt them so I can add them as dependents for health insurance and raise them as if they were my own. No question about it.

And when my nieces and nephews were minors I would have stepped in and done the same if something happened to my siblings and they became orphans. I'd do it without a second thought.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-12-14T20:18:09+00:00

31 and engaged but if I was single, absolutely not. Since I'm childless, being childless is a deal breaker.

Me and my fiance are also planning to adopt as well as having our own biological children but I don't consider that raising another man's child because two parents are making the decision to have a child( through adoption).

suj1290 · 2022-12-15T03:29:17+00:00

Only if she is a widow and gives me a kid of my own also

FlyV89 · 2022-12-15T04:11:01+00:00

I would raise the children of my family members, and I would consider marrying a widow, granted I liked her as a person, and yeah help her rise her children if she had any. There are women out there who just had bad luck in life but they still make up for great partners and mothers.

Being a step dad while the father is still in the picture...

Yeah, no.

I don't look down on step fathers, I do think in fact they are better than me, but I wouldn't like to be in their place you know.

It's like watching a firefighter get into a building in flames.

Awesome job dude. Not my thing thou.

And talking as a guy who ACTUALLY got into a building in flames to help an old lady get out.

I would go back into that building before dating a single mother.

2022-12-15T04:18:13+00:00

Only means by adoption or family relative, never result from cheating.

AndyBrown65 · 2022-12-15T08:27:30+00:00

M57. A lot of factors to consider. For the right reasons and in good faith, yes, But for one main thing. I am not a walking wallet.

OK, so if I wasn't a father and I met a girl with a bub and we were going to continue the family, all well and good. If we met and we both had kids and became the Brady Bunch, OK. If I was kidless and she had teenagers, I would under stick conditions.

So I am a firm believer that fathers should be in a kids life, during the marriage/partnership and then once it is over. If you chose not to be, you are not really a father. I am a firm believer that if a mother manipulates the situation to keep a father out of rearing kids, then she deserves all she gets piled on her.

A step father is never the real father, but has the potentially to influence the child growing up. If there is another guy on the side then he is responsible, not me. As noted above, I am not a walking wallet so the mother doesn't have to work.

Some years ago an old GF caught up with me, poured her heart out saying she was a single mum for 10 years, needed a man to help raise her kids. I was/am married, but if not, I probably would not have hooked up as she only saw me as her money man. The kid's father was in jail, so once out, there is a complication.

A step father or father need to either have similar values or else the step father needs to let the biological father drive the train and set the standard, it's his kid. I'm not going to impact my values on the kids, if they run to him at the drop of a hat.

is a woman already having children to another man a 100% dealbreaker?

No, but
Rule number 1: I am not a wallet and a door mat.
Rule number 2: I am not going to raise your kid if we cannot have a beer, or enjoy a red wine over a steak.
Rule number 3: I will treat my kids and your kids exactly the same, I expect the mother to do the same. You cannot play favourites.

RGL137 · 2022-12-16T02:39:11+00:00

Yeah, in a few cases only though:

1) One of my best friends dies and me and his wife end up together. Yeah you bet your ASS I’d raise my best friend’s daughter, she’s already like a niece to me anyway.

2) The other man is actually me.

3) I killed him first.

2022-12-16T17:41:19+00:00

Id love to. Obviously on my terms tho I'm not getting cucked into it but i would look after a kid in need yer. No question of if was a relative's child if anything happened to any of my sisters for example.

Daruvian · 2022-12-17T00:06:34+00:00

I am fairly conservative and have two stepdaughters.

cosmofaustdixon · 2022-12-19T22:23:25+00:00

Only if the "other man" was a cousin and the child is kin.

Holywater12-316 · 2022-12-29T21:08:57+00:00

If me and my wife cannot have a kid, I would have no problem with adopting. However, I’m really hesitant about becoming a stepdad.

ExitEnvironmental825 · 2023-01-05T08:37:19+00:00

Throwaway time. 25, conservative male.

Personally it’s not a deal breaker. I grew up with a father who left, and never met him, and it was kind of rough, trying to find a male role model to look up to. It would definitely require some thought and consideration, but just because I know how it can be hard it can be, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. I’d be happy to try and be a good father for a kid, whether he’s mine or not.

Generally though, I think it does go against more traditional conservative values. Perhaps if I had a father I’d be more against being a step father, and more so follow traditional ideologies, but that’s just what I think on it.

Title	Question for conservative men: Would you ever raise another man's child?
Author	ohdiddly
Upvotes	14
Comments	166
Date	December 14, 2022 5:09 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zlwevg/question_for_conservative_men_would_you_ever/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-conservative-men-would-you-ever-raise.1143892 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143892

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