Speaking from personal experience, what do never married woman over the age of 34 look like?

learn2earn89 · 2022-08-28T23:30:35+00:00

Well I’m 32 and single forever. I’m told I look like I’m in my mid-late 20s but I honestly think I look my age. I’m thin but have no boobs and hardly any hips. I’m socially awkward and don’t have much to offer a guy since I suck at cooking too. Though I wouldn’t mind learning together or baking just for him. I have a noticeable asymmetry on my face so I think some men may initially find me “cute” but then they notice the flaw and they don’t find me worthy of effort. I also have bad skin that I have to spend lots of time and money to maintain. All my single friends/acquaintances never went for Chad, but the guys they were into never reciprocated. All n counts of 2 or less. Myself, n count of 0. I noticed that pretty women even if they’re single moms get tons of attention. Women who’ve been around tend to get wifed up pretty easily.

peppapigoink95 · 2022-08-29T01:06:42+00:00

I imagine they're smart and live in high rise apartments and are career oriented. Or they are deadbeat rejects of society.

human-ish_ · 2022-08-29T01:24:53+00:00

There's a lot of judgy people here. I'm in my late 30s and looking great. My skin has finally calmed down and doesn't look like a hormonal preteen's skin. (we'll see if that lasts as I inherited my dad's skin type and he is still shiny and gets pimples in his 70s). I lost weight years ago and maintained it through running, swimming, weight lifting, and yoga. I'm not fashion obsessed person, which means I don't waste tons of money on things that I'll only wear once and as long as you know how to clean yourself and wear decent clothes, I won't care too much. I consider myself a catch, not only can I cook, I can do it well thanks to a culinary background, I've worked on a farm so I'm not afraid to get dirty, do hard work, deal with predators.

As to why I'm unmarried, ask my exes. Because I have no fucking idea. I have plenty of friends who don't understand it either. Am I weird and awkward? Maybe, but aren't we all in some form? I'm introverted, but I don't sit at home hiding from people. I just need a recharge after an outing and actually enjoy doing things like going to concerts. I finally gave up dating a few years ago and it was nice to not have to try and impress anyone. I can dress like a slob at home by myself and focus my energy on playing with my dogs. It's a much more enjoyable life.

midwesternMD · 2022-08-29T06:54:13+00:00

In my limited experience, there are two different types. In fairness, I could be mixing characteristics up here, but this is the gestalt of what I remember.

One is the education/career focused type. Oftentimes relatively fit. Some of these women have been attractive enough that I’ve gone on a few dates with them. Curiously, one of these women was really inexperienced with men, if not a virgin. But their priorities just didn’t mesh well with mine long term, so I didn’t pursue much beyond the first few dates. Hence somewhat forgettable/vague recollection.

The other type I’ve encountered is more of the overweight/awkward type. At least one fudged on her age. All fudged on their pics with high angles/old pics. Either way, not attractive enough for me to ask for a second date, so definitely forgettable.

I wouldn’t consider being never married and over 34 to be a red flag on its own. It really depends on the why. Maybe she was in a toxic/abusive relationship and didn’t know how to escape it for a while. Maybe she is more of a carefree casual dating kind of woman. Maybe she dated someone for a while, and didn’t fully recognize that it wasn’t a match until he proposed. There could be a myriad of ways a “good” or otherwise “desirable” woman ends up never married at 34.

I’m pretty confident that a reasonable swath of men would find the first group desirable. Just not me. The second group… that’s probably a tougher sell.

Lately, I have been pretty firm about not matching with women over 32. So it’s been a while since I’ve met anyone 34 and up.

asshole67throw · 2022-08-29T00:02:04+00:00

I’m 28 and started seeing a woman who’s 37 without kids. She’s got a better body than most of the 20 year olds I’ve known.

And no she’s not enhanced, no kids no fake tits no silicon or surgery. Just looks after her health, non smoker, doesn’t party, walks 1 hour every day, cooks and prepares food daily.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-08-29T01:45:27+00:00

Most women i know are physician. They generally look just fine. Most do not have kids. 🤷🏻‍♀️

notions_of_adequacy · 2022-08-28T23:57:41+00:00

Ask me again in three years I will post a selfie

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-08-29T01:51:07+00:00

my man seriously just wrote "this post doesn't violate rule 14" in parentheses and thinks thats gonna stop the jannies from donkeyfucking his thead LMAO

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-08-28T23:35:35+00:00

My sister-in-law is 36 and has never been in a relationship. She is average looking, moderately overweight, hispanic, wears glasses. Dresses in a very woo-woo hippie style and is a very weird person (I say this with love, she's my best friend), possibly neurodivergent. She was in the military when she was younger then got out and went to school for a while but never graduated and now she does gig jobs and is the caretaker for various infirm family members and young nieces and nephews (including my son). The whole family has pretty much decided that she is going to be a childless old maid but we will all take care of her because she does so much to help everyone. She has never expressed much interest in dating or men and seems perfectly content with her life.

My cousin is 32, has had a few short lived relationships (including one with a guy she met on Reddit) but never got anywhere close to marriage. She was very obese for most of her life and in the last few years lost 100+ lbs, but by that time she was nearly 30 already. She is also very weird, VERY extroverted and loud but also very awkward, on the autism spectrum. Her relationships ended either because the guy didn't want to wait for marriage to have sex (she is still a virgin, a very devout Catholic and very serious about waiting for marriage) and/or didn't share her frankly ridiculous esoteric politics (Marxist leftist but with Catholic pro life and sex negative beliefs). She frankly just doesn't care much for men or male energy, and I have sincerely given her the advice to find a closeted gay Catholic boy to marry and have a couple test tube babies lol

I have another friend who is 32 and unmarried, she is more the party girl slut stereotype. She's had several LTRs, lived with a few guys, etc. but ultimately sabotages every relationship because she's fucking crazy and literally alpha widowed (hung up on an ex from her early 20s who died). She is by far the most attractive of these three women, and she's genuinely very fun and a very sweet friend but she seems like a nightmare to date.

PrincessJade1995 · 2022-08-29T17:00:05+00:00

I’m 36 and never married. I had a long 12 year relationship that was supposed to lead to marriage but I didn’t want to go through with it. Different people have different circumstances. Some of the people I know are going through their first divorce so I’m kinda glad I took it slow. I don’t want kids so there’s no rush for me.

Phoj7 · 2022-08-28T23:14:48+00:00

The women over 35 generally are noticeably overweight and do t seem to maintain their appearance well. The single ones anyhow.

To be fair I see a lot of guys in that same age range that look like they eat all night at a buffet.

Culture I guess.

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-08-29T02:35:24+00:00

There’s no one type.

Most of the ones I know are in LTRs, they just haven’t bothered getting married. Getting married seems fun and exciting in your 20s, but after a certain point, a lot of people just don’t want the stress and expense. Legally there’s not a huge difference between de jure and de facto marriages in my country.

The single chicks are single for a whole range of reasons; but it’s mostly because they have pretty full lives and don’t really see any huge advantage in adding a dude to the picture.

The ones who are dating are the source of a whole lotta hilarious stories that make me real fuckin happy to be married.

rurunoa · 2022-08-28T23:26:35+00:00

like me (pretty)

jackedsoon · 2022-08-29T02:22:57+00:00

Agreed with tweet. Attractive extroverted women while they may be sluts do way better in life than the ones guys consider wife material(prude shy).

InfoVariety-8842 · 2022-08-29T00:03:23+00:00

Looking at the people I know, I would agree that the past doesn’t seem to matter, looking at some of the people who really went wild in college, and them posting their family photos now…it’s crazy to think about. I think men care about her past if she acted out within their social circle, or if it was bad enough that it was very publicly known. A few people I can remember with a ”wild” past married someone outside the group 😬

I wouldn’t say the perpetually single people are necessarily unattractive or awkward, but I would say they aren’t usually outgoing and forging a lot of new relationships, and they seem to abort or sabotage the ones they do. Basically they are avoidant people in general. Compare this to Becky who partied hard in college and will just go for it with a guy, even if an avoidant person would find something they didn’t like and abandon ship (or never push for the relationship in the first place). Basically two different approaches to life. Both have their benefits and pitfalls.

dbz19_kai · 2022-08-29T10:08:02+00:00

The ones I know kinda have a history of bad relationships and drama.

KissMyAsthma-99 · 2022-08-29T15:48:46+00:00

1) The small minority are highly educated, successful, focused, usually fit, and less agreeable than average.

2) The majority are formerly average looking women who played the field during their reproductive years but who got burned out on that lifestyle and then pretty much let themselves go physically. I'd say the average BMI in the group is 27-30.

TheDisasterClown · 2022-08-30T03:55:38+00:00

34 almost 35 childless and never married female here. I've dated a lot and had a string of terrible LTRs - one with a guy 14 years my senior and for lack of a better word....a loser (debt riddled, dead end job, no ambition, could not get a woman his own age and cheated on me with someone even younger then me) one with a truly terrible human (as in he should be in jail) and one that was toxic for both of us, even though we deeply loved one another. It took me so much time to understand myself better and what would actually make my happy and these experiences were a part of that.

I've been told (and I personally think this too) by people who have known me for a decade that I got hotter as I got older. I get mistaken for being in my 20s a lot, though I am Asian and the stereotype of slower aging is true to an extent, so there is that.

I credit the aging like a fine wine to various factors.

1) General confidence because you just know yourself better by this age, you've done a lot of self work so mentally you're in a better place and you generally have your shit together (financially independent, little or no debt, own assets, etc)

2) You've learned what you need to do to take care of yourself in body and mind

3) You've eased out of your heavy party phase. Drugs and alcohol are fun but they will age the fuck out of you if you're not careful

Personally I love my 30s way more than my 20s even though single women in their 30s have to deal with societal stigmas. I don't really understand why it would be a red flag. Someone who has taken the time to find the right partner for them is indicative of someone who has done a lot of work on themselves and they show up as better partners (and humans in this world) as well.

I can't imagine having been married to any of the people I was with in my 20s. I barely knew myself, what I wanted and I am a better version of myself now than I was then - I'm kinder, more patient, self aware, a clear communicator, I rarely get angry and I love much more deeply now too. There is some talk here that single women in their 30s must be disagreeable or have character flaws but I had way more flaws in my 20s because I was young and dumb and didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

Red flags should not be around age and marriage status but personality traits. And shitty people can be found in all age categories.

Marriage also doesn't matter to a lot of people. A committed partnership can look like many things - including cohabiting, not cohabiting, non monogamous, etc.

PermissionUpstairs12 · 2022-08-29T05:38:22+00:00

I mean, I'm never married (I believe in monogamy, but not the legal contract of marriage), have one adult child (no father, so no drama, single mom by choice), am 41 and am physically attractive to most.

I'm not perfect, of course. But I look good, am educated, have had my own place/car/income since I was 18. My total "debt" is under 5K, I live simply.

I love my kid and my pets. I like remaining independent bc that's how I was raised. Normal parents (though very strict & religious) - they've been married about 50 years.

I've had longer 5 & 10 year relationships as well as "flings". Don't know my "body count" bc I'm an adult, so it's weird to count. I do all the maintenance around my house/car, was a Machinist & Programmer of 15+ years (now I mostly work in STEM - related Admin positions), and have no interest in more biological children.

I have no problem getting dates nor landing LTR's, but I initiate 85% of the time. I haven't noticed a decline in attention or available men as I get older. I've never been dumped, so I think I'm doing OK overall.

So most of the RP/MRA stuff I read seems like major cope to me.

We "look like" normal women with lives, hobbies, friends, & careers. I'm not sure what else one would expect.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-29T03:05:40+00:00

My best friend is 40 never been married look so much younger, is in great shay from ridding bourses all day travels and is very happy. She is never married by choice though

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-08-29T02:48:42+00:00

Seen a lot of good looking ones. I tend to think they're probably insufferably difficult to get along with the closer they are to 40 and never married. That's a lot of turning down or throwing away a lot of probably great guys or a lot of guys running away. Maybe a lot of not taking anyone seriously, married to career..... something.

You might like this to play with https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/

By 34 , 72 percent have been married, that's enough to signify something is up..... probably at least a few that just never wanted to though.

As a general rule at my age I only go for divorced women. At least they gave it a shot, someone wanted them, and most aren't interested in doing it again.

mcove97 · 2022-08-29T11:35:31+00:00

Not a red flag where I live. People don't get married much anymore but instead choose to co-habit in my country. Never married isn't the same as not in a committed long term relationships or not living together.

Both my cousins in their 40s have girlfriends in their 40s they've been living with and owning houses with for years and have school aged kids with. I don't see them getting married anytime soon because it isn't necessary.

Lots of non married 35+ year old aged woman live a very similar lifestyle to married women.

python834 · 2022-08-29T03:10:15+00:00

Depends on location.

In the US, most women are over weight by 34

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-08-29T01:30:04+00:00

Either super health obsessed or they just let themselves go lol

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-08-29T12:55:32+00:00

Well, I look like 80s popstar Tiffany crossed with Madonna. That’s not my assessment, but the assessment of another.

I have been in long term relationships as an adult and had two kids but just never married as I have never wanted to become a man’s “property”.

StephJ___ · 2022-08-29T11:33:02+00:00

It’s really rich coming from a guy that’s basically bald 😂🤣

Karmanger · 2022-08-29T16:52:09+00:00

I think the (twitter)poster only hangs around married women, so they have a bias.

Warren Buffet can say most men they hang out with have a net worth over 100million.Of course they do.... why would buffet hang out with those less well off than him.

As for a women who never married, She can look like anything it's her personality that keeps her single.... and it's usually because she has more masculine traits than feminine.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-08-29T00:08:03+00:00

Seems like those two Twitter posts (the one highlighted and the one above it) are possible results of the whole AF/BB thing.

Most women at the age of 34+ who are never married are possible alpha widows and trying to find a guy similar to the best they had a decade ago. Not to mention overweight. If shes fit, more than likely its alpha widow status. Now if she doesn't want to get married then thats her choice, but if shes having issues finding a man at that age, shes more than likely hypergamous because of where she is in her life and trying to marry up.

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JumboJetz · 2022-08-28T23:07:32+00:00

I’m early 30s myself (male) and women I see on dating apps in that range look generally older than me. But not “post-wall”, still can be attractive.

franchisikms · 2022-08-29T07:10:15+00:00

I have a very attractive friend who fits this age range and situation. She's tall, athletic, has a great job and is extremely, extremely independent. She has not had a problem being an affair partner and sleeping with the boss at work, flirting for drinks and dinners from men she has zero interest in, and does not give long-term relationships much effort or thought.

She has a lot of family issues and can get very nasty when she has trouble communicating or does not get her way, especially with anyone in the service industry, but then can turn around and be very sugary sweet which sometimes comes off as genuine and sometimes as acting. Men can get lured in by the latter, and eventually see the former.

In her example, I think she acts a lot through life and keeps people at an emotional distance to cover up an inside in pain from family issues.

But you really can't generalise this at all to other never married women over the age of 34 because everyone has their own reasons for not being married, this is just my experience of one example.

mlo9109 · 2022-08-29T14:10:33+00:00

Not pretty. My cousin is 36 and never married. I'm terrified of ending up like her while my mom wishes I was more like her. She has an emotionally incestuous relationship with her mother. She's openly said Mama comes before any man in her life. It's disturbing.

She calls/texts Mama 3x/day despite living in the same city and seeing each other often enough. She's had boyfriends, but they often grew tired of playing 2nd fiddle to Mama and started wandering. She's now taken the "God will bring me my husband" approach.

She is a Christian fundamentalist / young Earth creationist. Despite this, she somehow has a master's in science and a 6-figure job as an engineer for a medical device company. She's gone on long-term mission trips and has a huge white savior complex as seen on Instagram.

After being home from missions trips for two years because of COVID, she has adopted a pit bull mix who was on "death row" at her local shelter. The beast shares her bed with her and she treats it like its her human child. I pity any man she dares try to bring home.

TodTheRod01 · 2022-08-29T17:28:10+00:00

I agree in part of that sentiment. The past matters in that if it impacts the now whether that means STDs from sleeping around, or mental/emotional trauma etc...

but yes in large part if a woman isnt married by early 30s...its a MAJOR red flag to me.....it tells me no other guy wanted to....so there must be some emotional damage or she has a shit personality. Women who are good looking, pleasant, wife material...get turned into wives and mothers.

Most unmarried women i know who are 34 and up, fall in one of 2 categories

- straight up fat uggos, they can range from nice women to horrible personality.

- hot chicks who are total bitches. these women get pumped and dumped, but dont get why no one sticks around...they think their shit dont stink and their personality is great as it is...but in reality their looks will never make up for their shit personality.

majority of the time both these groups have expectations above what id say is realistic for them.

Peacesquad · 2022-08-29T17:57:34+00:00

There’s a mix of everything. There are some very attractive women that just aren’t pleasant to be around. It always fascinates me the women they can’t lock down a guy. They don’t know what men want. Which is fucking scary.

AreOut · 2022-08-29T18:07:12+00:00

some of them are really nice but most of them are just very, very bitter

FlyV89 · 2022-08-29T18:50:43+00:00

Lots of middle to upper class women (from same family background) are in this category.

Not the best looking ones thou, but they tend to be quite smart and well off.

Keep in mind the most wealthy and educated a woman is, the smaller is the pool of men she's willing to date, so it becomes a problem at +30 since men in their same age bracket and socioeconomic level tend to be quite "liberal" and promiscuous.

Having being around upper class men my entire life I can say wealthy men are the sluttiest human beings on Earth, even the married ones. Upper classes are full of trophy wives, bangmaids, sidechicks, mistresses, divorced single moms and of course, wine aunts.

If a woman is lucky enough she can run away with some money, and I know men want to tanto about Bezzos case being an everyday occurrence, but most of the times the dudes that have some real money have the upper hand in court. Family courts and all that bullshit favours women when it comes to fucking poor dudes who love them and trusted them, butnwhen it comes to money, most women get screwed.

If there is a man that can make multiple women miserable at the same time, that dude is rich as fuck for sure.

There is a sayin in my culture, "el que tiene plata hace lo que quiere". Those dudes do just that.

Complex-Glass-8539 · 2022-08-29T21:38:22+00:00

They are all over the board as to what they look like, but have a few things in common from my experience (and 34 may be a bit young, more like 38 and single).

The biggest unifying trait I’ve seen is:

What turns them on is almost inherently counter to how they want to live their life.

I see this a lot with women who “don’t want to settle”, and women who think “men are all just awful”.

Yeah, if your requirements are wanting a single man that is a complete oxymoron, then every man will seem like settling. I’ve seen this one a lot. Make good money, yet don’t prioritize work. Be dominant but can’t be an asshole ever. Basically, what turns them on about a man also turns them off in a partner.

A subsection of this type also often portrays men as horrible because they have only dated men they are attracted to, and the traits they are attracted to are also abusive when they are applied to a partner.

The other type that’s less but is a big portion of the single spinsters:

Serial monogamist in teens/20’s (monkeybranched constantly) more for validation than anything else. Took a break from dating and just never learned how to have a healthy relationship with a partner or themselves really. Tons of therapy, but stopped the introspection too early. Still just can’t figure it out and because they don’t want to backslide into their bad habits in young adulthood, just give up and stays single. Lot of cross over with the “hate all men camp”.

vivvienne · 2022-08-29T22:04:55+00:00

They are usually pretty homely and exceedingly stubborn about having things only their way in their comfort zone. Very uncompromising even if they are polite and well liked. They can be located anywhere or be the funnest person ever but that stubbornness tends to be the one common factor.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-08-29T22:58:07+00:00

Miserable af. 😆

hodornuts · 2022-08-29T23:55:16+00:00

Trust fund freelancers who secretly live off inheritance.

2022-08-30T13:04:09+00:00

They look no different than the single women. The majority of them have been in LTRs in the past that didn't work out.

Just like men.

Oh and sometimes baby rabies if they haven't had a kid yet.

jackedclown_1 · 2022-08-30T13:33:43+00:00

I'm 26. I had a woman, around 5 years older who liked me, and was a white collar worker in a 1st world country. (I'm from one of the poorest countries in Asia). We had good chemistry and i really like her, but once I came to know she's elder than me, nothing else mattered. The conversation stopped being fun. I feel like a dick but it is what it is.

Guilty-Stop4466 · 2022-08-30T17:37:00+00:00

I am 34 and unmarried. Fiancé and I broke up a few weeks ago.

No, I’m not some overweight hag. Yes, I probably looked better in my 20s, but I feel like this sub (especially the men) has a very distorted view on what women look like over 30.

Here’s my pic for reference: https://ibb.co/TvH7rRJ

Live-Acanthaceae3587 · 2022-09-01T02:00:27+00:00

My cousin is 38/39 and I just think she missed her window. And now just prefers to be single. She’s social, is cute and has a good job. But also has too high of expectations.

She always seemed to go after relationships that had no chance of succeeding. Like she went to Europe and would keep in contact with some guys she met over there or we would go for a girls weekend to a friends cabin 3 hours away and she would meet and flirt with guys in the bar or at the lake. Yet rarely goes out at home to a bar to socialize and refuses to try online dating.

At one point I asked her why she was wasting her time with these dudes when there was absolutely no future. Like do you plan on moving to this podunk tourist town? Do you really think some international love affair is going to bring anything other than hurt feelings?

I think she wants some sweeping romantic story. Like meeting a guy on a flight and having him chase her down at baggage claim who offers to share a cab and the rest is history.

Title	Speaking from personal experience, what do never married woman over the age of 34 look like?
Author	SantarpiosPizza
Upvotes	11
Comments	153
Date	August 28, 2022 10:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x08l93/speaking_from_personal_experience_what_do_never/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/speaking-from-personal-experience-what-do-never.1130946 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130946

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