Statistics put aside, based on anecdotal experience, which gender is more likely to commit infidelity all else being equal?

doshkhaleesi · 2022-06-16T18:37:49+00:00

I’m Gen X and I think in my group it’s still very much men who cheat more, probably because we (women) mostly didn’t do online dating in our youth and aren’t comfortable with soliciting sex from it as much as younger people. Guys my age still seem to do the workplace affair thing.

purplish_possum · 2022-06-16T19:26:30+00:00

Things have changed a lot. Twenty years ago I would have said men. However, today women are significantly more likely to be unfaithful and disloyal. My wife cheated on me, my brother's wife cheated on him, most of the guys at work have been cheated on ....

Magnito-was-right · 2022-06-16T18:45:23+00:00

If an opportunity to cheat is given to men, most would cheat. Women have plenty of opportunity, but most only cheat if theses an emotional connection.

RealNiceLady · 2022-06-16T19:37:55+00:00

The9thElement · 2022-06-16T18:59:26+00:00

Men. From my experience women tend to only cheat if something is wrong in the relationship, an emotional problem. Men will cheat regardless.

chalkandapples · 2022-06-16T19:13:50+00:00

I hear more stories of men cheating, but they're friends of friends. For the people I personally know, I know 1 woman that's cheated, no men. But in terms of close friends, I do know more women than men.

Allonthehips · 2022-06-16T18:59:11+00:00

Men, not even close. It’s not even the Mad Men suave unspoken rule thing. Married men openly talk about it.

bluestjuice · 2022-06-16T19:37:47+00:00

“Apart from any actual evidence, which gender feels more strongly that the opposite gender is untrustworthy?”

Fixed it for you - but seriously, what kind of question is this?

wtknight · 2022-06-16T18:59:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Psybur · 2022-06-19T04:24:16+00:00

Women, absolutely. They have significantly more opportunities to do so thrown at them, and loyalty is not a virtue that is championed by women in the public sphere anymore.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-06-16T18:33:06+00:00

I'm a man, I'm making an educated guess and it would be men hands down. There is an old philosophy that women don't understand men and by that same token men don't understand women. I believe that philosophy 100%. I know what it's like to be a man, and I know what type of primal sexual urges men have. There is a meme that goes around that says if you are a woman and you have a friend or coworker who is a man, they've thought about what it would be like to have sex with you. Very accurate. I have a philosophy that humans aren't as far removed from animals as people want everyone to think. You look at relationships, monogamy and men, then compare it to animals. I've had many discussions with people (mainly women) and it most generally circles back to religious and societal norms and expectations. These urges are attempted to be curbed by fear, shame and beliefs. They are psychological and physiological in nature.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-06-16T18:08:18+00:00

Men, all things cannot be equal, men have higher sex drives, are polygynous by nature and have a variety drive

overandunderX · 2022-06-16T18:25:01+00:00

Based on anecdotal evidence, men. Every woman I know has been cheated on, at least once that they know of, by a man.

Edit: I’d also like to add that the majority of men I know have cheated, or attempted to cheat.

sernamedeleted · 2022-06-16T19:56:08+00:00

Anecdotal experience:

My first and second girlfriend, and my first and second wives all 4 cheated on me.

I have never cheated.

So by that information, 4 out of 5 women(80%) cheat and 0 out of 1 men(0%) cheat.

Obviously my anecdotal experience is not a valid sample size.

My brother cheated on his first wife. So that brings it up to 50%.

I knew a guy at my church who cheated on his wife with his daughter (gross, and no he doesn't go to my church anymore).

My adoption lawyer cheated on her first husband.

The point is that cheating isn't determined by gender or sexual orientation.

Cheating is determined by integrity, self control, and the overall health of the relationship.

Healthy relationships are based on open and honest communication between mature consenting adults who treat each other with respect and share common interests and compatible life goals.

Do that.

wtknight · 2022-06-16T20:55:59+00:00

High value men will cheat more than women, but average women will cheat more than average men due to more opportunities.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-06-16T21:11:08+00:00

You're citing statistics about groups I know nothing about, you very well could be right. I'm straight up talking from personal experiences and knowledge of myself and men friends.

melody_of_ · 2022-06-16T21:11:24+00:00

I've noticed anecdotally, that the rate is about the same with women cheating somewhat more but never as much as the men who cheat, men seem to have a very lopsided distribution with most not cheating, but the ones who do, do so enough to carry the whole gender 🥴

ohheyhi99 · 2022-06-16T21:25:03+00:00

It’s typically been men, but I don’t know if that will hold true as time goes on.

https://nymag.com/article/2016/05/women-are-now-cheating-as-much-as-men-but-with-fewer-consequences.html

“But the prevailing theory is that modern marriage is what’s killing marriage — that the more deliberation women put into whom they pair up with, the more willing and motivated they are to make a move when something’s not working. “The gender gap in adultery is closing, and it’s not just about opportunity and possibility,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray. “But it is about choice. Women now are more aware of the alternatives to monogamy and more inclined to demand to have all their needs met. That’s because happiness is such an important part of marriage. Fewer women are marrying out of need; instead, they’re marrying to please themselves. But that also means when they’re dissatisfied with something they feel justified to go elsewhere.”

“In one study she conducted for match.com, Dr. Fisher found that 34 percent of adulterous women reported that they were in fact “happy or very happy” in their ever-more-egalitarian marriages. And yet. “Couples these days share work, chores, parenting,” says Ian Kerner PhD, a sex and relationship psychotherapist in Manhattan. “That’s the expectation in modern relationships. But where there is pattern and responsibility and transparency with a partner, there often isn’t space for unpredictability or spontaneity,” which can be critical to a healthy romantic life. Meanwhile, he says, the first generation of women raised to believe they can and should “have it all” is less likely to fake it in the bedroom. “Women feel less pressure nowadays to have low-quality sex,” says Kerner. “My female clients are like, why would I ever fake an orgasm?””

“Lauren, 41, admits she wanted it all: “the best friend, the domestic partner, the professional equal, the lover,” she says. She had two out of four when, some eight years and one baby into her marriage, she began sleeping with a co-worker — a guy who was more her professional equal than her low-earning husband, who’d largely given up on his career. “A healthy attraction to a person does demand you have a little bit of intrigue and imbalance, which in male-female-empowered relationships is not a priority,” she says. “Wanting some heteronormalcy isn’t something people want to talk about, not in that bougie Brooklyn world I live in. A lot of women I know stick with it and suffer through it even as they have that fantasy of being with someone who is their equal, or even their superior.””

“Though, increasingly, women are suffering through it less. These days, that’s the man’s job. Kara, 33, a PR exec in Texas, filed for divorce three months after her affair with the family pediatrician began. Once her construction-worker husband found out she was leaving for someone else, “the shit hit the fan,” she says, and he begged her to try to work it out (right after he texted all the parents on their son’s hockey team, which he coached, to explain why he hadn’t shown up: Sorry I didn’t make practice, he wrote. My wife’s sleeping with our kids’ doctor).”

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-06-17T14:21:48+00:00

To logic it out, the alternative to cheating is leaving someone; if you’re choosing to cheat over walking away from a relationship, unless you’re branch-swinging you’re probably not interested in a relationship with the other partner.

So, if it’s true that women are generally benefitting from relationships in a number of ways and men in a relationship sacrifice a fair deal because it’s consistent sex, then women would be expected to be the ones trying to hold onto their relationship with a man even if they choose to disrespect him by seeking sex elsewhere, while men who are unsatisfied with their sex lives and able to pursue sex elsewhere abandon her to go whore around.

The factor that I think would reverse that trend, then, is marriage; leaving a marriage, the general consensus is, hurts men way more than women, at least financially, so you get situations where A, leaving is less feasible for the man, and B, the man has the higher sex drive and is more tempted by casual sex, meaning that I would think men are the bigger cheaters after marriage.

I honestly didn’t check to see whether any of this lines up with the statistics, but how’d I do?

decoy88 · 2022-06-18T22:30:37+00:00

Anecdotally? Men are more likely to cheat.

Men are also more likely to admit to it though.

And women are more likely to reframe cheating actions as “technically not cheating”.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-06-16T18:17:15+00:00

Women are more likely to have a side dude on retainer or just the guy that she likes fucking on the side , men are more likely to cheat with a variety of women given the option

Hoopy223 · 2022-06-16T20:13:14+00:00

I think its probably about even but women are much better at lying about it.

YveisGrey · 2022-06-16T21:52:54+00:00

Wild guess I’d probably say 50-50 I mean for the most part men and women are sleeping with each other so…

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-06-17T01:52:54+00:00

From what I've seen:

the highest demographic is young people cheating with co-workers, usually they have a fiance and come home late on Fridays.
The next highest demographic is older men cheating on their low libido wives, while having a mid-life crisis.
The third demographic is young guys accidently cheating on the partners because they get opportunities for sex from homewreckers. It's amazing how many young women are home wreckers, I'd say a third of women have tried cracking onto a guy who's in a relationship.
Last demographic is revenge sex, it's amazing how many women have revenge sex when thry find their partner cheating.

Powerful_Cod_4469 · 2022-06-16T18:09:37+00:00

Women they get solicited far more and have far more options. Men rarely get solicited and have way less opportunities

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-06-16T18:22:59+00:00

At younger ages, slightly more women just because they have more opportunities. At older ages it’s definitely more often men.

SwaySh0t · 2022-06-16T18:26:52+00:00

Modern young women— it use to be men before IG and social media. They don’t even try to hide it anymore, tons of women are still posting their ASSets and thirst traps on IG while being in committed relationships.

King-SAMO · 2022-06-16T18:36:38+00:00

Hands down I have cheated on more ex girlfriends than I ever caught cheating on me.

Allonthehips · 2022-06-16T18:22:45+00:00

In my experience, 50/50, but until recently women could get away with it without suspicion while men are generally kept in check.

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neetykeeno · 2022-06-16T20:52:10+00:00

Men. Definitely men. Cheating requires certain things. The desire for novelty, the desire to maintain access to the usual as well, a greater willingness to lie and a greater recklessness about the risk of being caught lying. Men have a greater desire for novelty, a greater desire to maintain access to both the novelty and the old faithful option, a greater willingness to lie and a greater confidence in their lies being watertight. Unsurprisingly men cheat more.

Puzzled_Carob_2742 · 2022-06-16T21:35:01+00:00

Stats indicate they’re equal. Paternity fraud is also at an all time high. Anecdotally, I know more women who’ve cheated than men, by a lot, and I know way more men than women.

bakalabalak · 2022-06-16T23:31:57+00:00

oh for sure men

arabiandoll · 2022-06-16T23:40:44+00:00

this topic gives me so much anxiety my biggest fear is getting cheated on

Machinecrash · 2022-06-16T23:49:03+00:00

I’d say it’s equal for this reason. Men more often have the desire but women more often have the opportunity. So it ends up equalizing.

Novadina · 2022-06-17T00:38:12+00:00

Men. Men are generally hornier and more impulsive.

IveGotIssues9918 · 2022-06-17T01:24:55+00:00

Anecdotally, it's definitely men. Especially in my own family. Finding out how many husbands in my family have been unfaithful was heartbreaking. I always idealized marriage and thought of it as an ethereal eternal bond, and, as someone who had a difficult youth, thought that if I could get to the point of having a career + marriage + children that would mean that I had "made it". Realizing at age 20 that that isn't how it works and that emotional scars last forever even if you have a good marriage (never mind a bad one) made me disillusioned for a long time, and I honestly still kind of am.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-06-17T08:32:28+00:00

Millennial here and absolutely men. I don’t know a single woman who has not been cheated on.

I do know women who have cheated as well but not nearly as many

RinoaRita · 2022-06-17T13:22:11+00:00

From my small circle of actually people I know in real life that I have seen and talked to (not oh did you hear? so and so’s husband…) I’ve seen men cheat more.

But my circle is poly and so friends around my age have different definitions of cheating and the classic monogamy cheating is mostly based of older folk in our parents generation.

greyboy_32 · 2022-06-18T11:58:19+00:00

Men by far. Women have relatively high standards so a man would still need to clear the bar to sleep with those prone to cheat.

Title	Statistics put aside, based on anecdotal experience, which gender is more likely to commit infidelity all else being equal?
Author	Allonthehips
Upvotes	1
Comments	134
Date	June 16, 2022 4:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vdqbyq/statistics_put_aside_based_on_anecdotal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/statistics-put-aside-based-on-anecdotal-experience.1119757 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119757

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