We need more two-way empathy, not sympathy

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-10-11T14:26:37+00:00

The challenge is the expectations that often follow. Empathy doesn’t mean obligation. You can understand someone’s frustration, pain, or disadvantage without being responsible for fixing it, especially when doing so crosses your own boundaries. The problem is when people equate being understood with being owed something.

Jon_Boopin · 2025-10-11T09:34:55+00:00

I agree. I think everyone here is so wounded from trauma with the opposite gender in the past that they arent willing to look past what happened in their experience towards what others have as well, both the good and the bad.

I consider myself a feminist because women have serious grievances to contend that they have been oppressed for millenia. In contrast, I find that redpillers have a lot of good practical advice when it comes to figuring out how to get a date and self-improve; which feminists simply seem to not give a rat's ass about, despite its importance when it comes to the well-being of all humans. I don't like redpill misogyny, a product of the ruling class vulcanizing its fascist bulwark, and I certainly dislike the cold reductiveness of the neoliberal doctrine of feminism, which more often than not ideologically reinforces the very patriarchal and bourgeois excesses it seeks to dissolve.

None of us are perfect, and we are all going to hold biased perspectives. It requires effort and a genuine care for human beings. Empathy begins with critically questioning the truths we hold based on our own experiences, and daring to scrutinize their apparent universality.

"Because it is a distortion of being more fully human, sooner or later being [treated] less human leads the oppressed to struggle against those who made them so. In order for this struggle to have meaning, the oppressed must not, in seeking to regain their humanity (which is a way to create it), become in turn oppressors of the oppressors, but rather restorers of the humanity of both."

-Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-10-11T09:46:45+00:00

Empathy is impossible since it requires experiencing or at least having experienced the feelings in the first place, men who struggle wont ever be able to know what it feels like to be desired by default and women will never be able to experience never having an option even just for a time. So sympathy is actually the best it can get either way.

Popeoath · 2025-10-11T07:37:01+00:00

Not happening.

Tons of men already started out as feminists. They flipped once they saw the empathy was not returned.

Nobody's gonna be a sucker and do the same shit that didn't work over again.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-10-11T08:08:24+00:00

Empathy doesn’t help either, because it doesn’t result in sex

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2025-10-11T08:54:46+00:00

Empathy for what exactly?

CerealExprmntz · 2025-10-11T08:02:07+00:00

We need two way empathy - FROM MEN! Lol, amazing.

Sensitive_Bluebird22 · 2025-10-11T07:56:11+00:00

These comments suck but are about what I expected men saying no way women saying no way. Worlds in such a fucked place. Can’t expect people to give af about your problems if you don’t give af about theirs that’s common sense yall smh.

onlyaseeker · 2025-10-11T09:41:21+00:00

I see extremely little empathy from red pill men to the challenges women face.

I have two YouTube playlists dedicated to educating people about the issues women face: The female tax and The Pink Cage

Which is part of a larger project of mine where I'm doing what I can to address said issues. I have many things in progress.

That said, I don't observe much two way empathy from women, and find women can be quite self defeating, even toward each other.

Most of that is not a woman issue, it's a "people in our current society" issue. But I do find it manifests in a unique way in women.

Often when I try to advocate for or support women, I find I have to be extra careful in how I do things, lest I get judged for being creepy, Ill intentioned, or insincere. I've written about it.

It feels like walking on eggshells.

I understand part of this is due to the negative or traumatic experiences they've had with men. But as someone who isn't a woman, I think women have established quite a weird culture for themselves that is often unhealthy and toxic.

You sometimes hear women talk about this, but often not, since I guess they want to preserve social and institutional power in their quest for equality. Here's a video example of one way that can manifest. A more polarizing example than if like, but I lack a better one.

But usually women are silent on this, and some even lack awareness of it, and self-awareness.

Needing to walk on eggshells or dealing with women misunderstanding my intentions saps my will to continue my efforts to advocate for more equality for them. I can understand why men can feel scorned, sour on women, and ultimately develop the unhelpful beliefs and worldviews we so often see discussed here. They're what's known as maladaptive coping strategies that fill a void left by society.

Outside of these efforts, in my personal life, women have been anywhere from not great to terrible to me. Which many people here will assume is because there's something wrong with me, instead of it being an indictment of people in our current society, which I've also written about previously.

Men can be terrible, too, but I find the more stoic rationality of men helps to temper those traits. Something about the emotionality of women, the social survival strategies they've adopted, and their socialisation makes them unnecessarily cutthroat, utilitarian, and manipulative. Outwardly they don't present as this, unless they're tryly sociopathic. It shows once their mask slips, especially when they know they can behave like that and suffer no consequences.

I think it catches men off guard a lot, because it's contrary to the social conditioning men have about women, and people. I don't quite have enough understanding it to describe it well, but men—especially red pilled men—and some women, will understand what I mean. Here's some examples:

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/Q4rJKqiSp5

https://np.reddit.com/r/RedditForGrownups/s/pEDbewtA11

https://youtube.com/watch?v=7rgXgANHrhk

https://youtu.be/iP3gct7N6bY

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Vh0hj9ZD9FY

The best analogy I've come up with is it's like kids being born into a rich family: they tend to lack good values and grow into problematic adults as a result.

Similarly, women who have inherited the benefits of actual feminists, but aren't actually feminists themselves even though they may identify as one, aren't quite sure how to handle the privilege and social benefits they have. We see the results playing out in society, often as unwise, selfish behavior that has unfortunate social consequences. Marcus Buckingham even wrote a book about how it manifests in the life area of career, and did an Oprah series on it .

All of this occurs within a collection of heirarchies that confine men and women to disempowering gender and social roles. An example of how this affects men:

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/P44c7dVVnY

I see too many women exploiting that for their own benefit, instead of challenging it for our collective benefit.

Men, too. As a man, I'm really disappointed that more men aren't stepping up like their forefathers, who stepped up to end fascism in WW2. Many of which were barely men at the time.

So empathy, yes, and the social awareness that comes from it. But I think people also need self awareness. I've encountered many women and men here who are tragically low on self-awareness, and essentially behavior like automations playing out social conditioning, instead of awake, aware, consciously thinking, introspective, reflective humans.

Empathy without self awareness is limited in it's usefulness.

SleepyPoemsin2020 · 2025-10-11T08:04:42+00:00

Ok. How do we get groups of people who don't like or respect each other to have empathy for each other?

wtknight · 2025-10-11T13:16:50+00:00

The problem is that both sides can’t put themselves in the other side’s shoes. Most men can’t understand what it is like to constantly like for women to feel in danger from men. Most women can’t understand what it is like for men to never get attention. This is what impedes two-way empathy, and I don’t see this impediment changing anytime soon.

PSXSnack09 · 2025-10-11T07:27:24+00:00

Red pilled men generally come from societies where women get a lot of empathy and support by default so it doesnt resonates with them

AnonPinkLady · 2025-10-11T09:51:15+00:00

I agree, it’s honestly so weird the way many men weaponize pity to guilt women into sleeping with them and have zero interest in caring about them. It’s just so gross and dishonest and it’s no wonder most women shut down emotionally when conversations about mental health start to turn into a gendered discussion, at this point many of us have built an association with the topic itself and sexual harassment / coercion.

flyingpilgrim · 2025-10-11T21:10:09+00:00

I've gotten really nasty comments from women posting on here before, as well as other dating subs. But definitely lately, I've seen a lot more genuinely hateful or bitter posts about women that get posted on here. And I understand some of that frustration, but I think it'd help everyone if people were more charitable or kinder to each other, as a whole.

berichorbeburied · 2025-10-11T08:21:46+00:00

I will never have empathy for women

They never showed me empathy or feelings until I was attractive. Until I gathered charisma and displayed confidence. Until I was useful and etc

To understand women is to understand Machiavelli

Which means empathy is a weapon

Which means having empathy will come at the detriment of you when dealing with women. Let those who can understand. Understand what I’m saying.

Emergency_Title1521 · 2025-10-11T09:20:37+00:00

Um but we already had. It's been 40 to 50 years. Most of us grew up with feminism and listened to it. The sweet sensitive dudes are the ones rotting alone and unaliving themselves, contrary to what normies say. We were sold a false dream.

growframe · 2025-10-11T09:36:35+00:00

Men asking for sympathy, empathy, whatever you call it, from women is the biggest loser shit ever.

Failing at dating isn't a traumatic event. People don't need empathy, they need results. And you're not going to get results by feeling sorry for yourself

Economy-Praline9372 · 2025-10-11T20:26:24+00:00

There's neither empathy nor sympathy from these jerks for women who never get any interest from men. They obnoxiously scream that such women just need to forget Chads and give nerdy Nicks a chance. They don't acknowledge that there are women out here who go through life completely unnoticed by anyone and barely have any female friends, some not having any friends at all. Chad, Brad, Nick, Nathan, Tyrone, Jamal, Mohammed - nobody knows she exists. So these men say all she has to do is go to a bar and proposition someone for cheap, 2 minute sex in the back alley and that her problem will be solved. Unbelieavable.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-10-11T15:51:32+00:00

empathy fosters parental feelings in women, not sexual, we need LESS empathy and more formal sex relations

AchingAmy · 2025-10-11T07:30:20+00:00

I will never empathize with the group that sexualizes/objectifies women or blames women for their inability to get sex.

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-10-11T08:32:43+00:00

Op, the reason why men here have no empathy, is because they have main character syndrome and can’t comprehend anyone but themselves. That’s the reason their single, they don’t use empathy because it’s not useful to them and their not clever enough to realise how it might have long term benefits because it doesn’t result in quick sex.

My empathy long went out the window for men here after reading comments like taking away woman’s rights to make life easier for men

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Immediate_Review_386 · 2025-10-11T13:59:10+00:00

No thanks. I have zero interest in empathy, because it's isn't a good strategy.

The only strategy that works is to be as focused on self improvement and enrichment as possible.

preferablyno · 2025-10-12T00:47:30+00:00

I honestly think a lot of people (not just in this topic area either) just want to feel heard and when they don’t feel heard they repeat themselves over and over with increasing frustration

Velocirappthor · 2025-10-11T07:25:18+00:00

They want pity and succumb to their demands. Lets call it as it is.

oppositegeneva · 2025-10-11T12:21:47+00:00

I’ll continue having empathy for men even when they tell me I’m inherently untrustworthy, unable to feel empathy and/or retarded and subhuman simply because I’m a woman

I say that genuinely, even if they never understand the struggles that come with being a woman, I will still try to feel for their struggle.

poorbatman243 · 2025-10-11T08:48:21+00:00

I neither need empathy from women and also wont give them any empathy.

Legate_Retardicus84 · 2025-10-11T14:56:50+00:00

Empathy is nonsense. Most of use already offered sympathy to women since most of us started out as feminists but feminists don't care about men they only pretend they do. That is something you have to learn the hard way if you're a man.

Ironically seeking sympathy from women is more harmful since not only do they refuse (i.e. "I am not your therapist") or their solution is go to therapy. Basically the solutions to your problems is to become dependent on another person. So long as that person isn't them.

If you want things to get better you have to fix them yourself. Seeking sympathy isn't going to help you and "empathy" is nonsense.

Teflon08191 · 2025-10-11T14:38:19+00:00

I see extremely little empathy from red pill men to the challenges women face.

The lack of empathy you see among men towards women is the byproduct of the same problem that has existed in the opposite direction for a much longer time. We'd probably be solving both problems if we addressed the original one.

RahLyt · 2025-10-11T15:46:47+00:00

Empathising with a feminist is validating her dysfunction.

Title	We need more two-way empathy, not sympathy
Author	sammyb1122
Upvotes	47
Comments	271
Date	October 11, 2025 7:22 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1o3p9un/we_need_more_twoway_empathy_not_sympathy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/we-need-more-two-way-empathy-not-sympathy.1563860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563860

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