What do men feel emasculated on / double standard?

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-15T16:50:35+00:00

I'm not from the US, but from one of Asian regions. People here are more traditional than in the West, although it's got significantly better in recent years and my generation has far more egalitarian-ish men than other mothers or grandmothers':

What (some) men feel emasculated about:

Earning less or people knowing they earn less
Having lower education level than their partner
Performing domestic chores. Older men find serving themselves or others food emasculating, as well as cleaning anything
Some older men also find being an active parent emasculating, i.e. changing diapers, taking kids to the doctor etc.
Being an attentive and caring partner can lead someone to be called "henpecked"
Being gay, especially the one who gets penetrated
Performing oral (performing oral on a woman is gay)
Some claim to be emasculated by using condoms
Being denied sex

I think most things I've listed don't make any sense for people from the West and I wouldn't say that they're exceptionally common even here among younger people, but you still can find a lot of men holding onto them. And some women as well to be honest, but far less women than men.

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-07-15T16:55:33+00:00

One of the "Chad" guys I knew in my old friend circle cheated on his girlfriend with multiple women, while she was living with him.

They broke up, and after she slept with his friend for revenge and he lost it. She tried to talk to him when grabbing her stuff to move out, and he pushed her into a wall. He was also cheating around the time she was pregnant and had an ab*rtion.

He somehow thought her fucking a friend of his AFTER they broke up, was more disrespectful than him cheating on her with many women WHILE they were together.

Insanity.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-07-15T17:14:31+00:00

As much as men complain here about being expected to pay for dates the ones I have been on the guys absolutely balked when I pulled out my wallet or asked for separate checks. I prefer dutch because there are no strings attached then, no expectations. But I mean seriously balked at the idea I pay.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-07-15T17:03:10+00:00

In America lots of women have problems with men that don't out earn them. It's really weird because these same women then complain that men don't like it when they out earn her.

athlete2biz · 2022-07-15T16:15:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2022-07-15T17:58:36+00:00

My wife massively outearns me even though I make a decent salary. Together we make over half a mill per year, but she maxes 7x more than me. I love the extra income and the fact we're on such sound financial footing. It doesn't bother me AT ALL. Even though my own job is demanding (attorney), I do 90%+ of the housework and errands, and childcare is split 60/40 me.

HOWEVER

All the women doctors she works with have husbands who are doctors who make more or the same, and they drive luxury vehicles and have mansions. We have a big house, but not quite as nice as these peoples. And she is pretty burnt out at work. If you asked her 100x she'd say she doesn't mind 99x.

But every now and then it slips out when we have an argument. When we have an argument (which is rare in itself) she sometimes slips up and says "its my money anyway" and you can tell she's annoyed she has to spend more hours at the office than I do.

And she's very jealous of the other female doctors who the majority are making plans to either quit, or go part time on very reduced hours once they have kids, because they find the practice of medicine so stressful and hospitals and private practices keep trying to get by with less and less staff.

By and large her large income is a huge benefit. And it is a nice perk which makes her slightly more desirable, not less. But I can tell she'd like it better if I made more money than her so she could step off the gas a bit and maintain the same lifestyle. To the general public and the average woman, I'm actually perceived as a high earner and since I represent alot of poor people, I'm seen as a contributer to society...by the average person. However, in comparison to her, she actually literally saves lives and so do all the people she sees at work everyday. So to her its not very impressive, because her frame of reference of the majority of people in her life, I'd be on the lower end of contributors financially.

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2022-07-15T17:36:22+00:00

I think often times you get guys in America not being able to handle a woman making a lot more than them bc most women look down on that. Women will judge a guy if he earns less or is less educated than they are, and there are just these expectations on a guy to be a provider. So the guys who aren’t doing that at the highest level start to feel like “well if that is expected of me then why shouldn’t I expect you to fulfill old fashioned gender roles for women?” Which is a silly response to trying to have women get a more equal/fair shake in society. The response should be that we stop having the same old expectations of men, tho tbh in America women are very adverse to that and will call it being expected to “lower their standards.” So it’s overall a messy issue which I think is to be expected as society changes. It won’t change everywhere all at once, so it’s going to take time for things to catch up.

Mr_KenSpeckle · 2022-07-15T17:26:20+00:00

The problem is not necessarily so much that the man feels emasculated by a woman earning more. The problem often is that as she begins to earn more than him, the woman begins to look at her man differently (less favorably) and she acts differently towards him.

In my admittedly anecdotal sample, women earning more than their men bothers the women more than the men.

0-13 · 2022-07-16T02:59:50+00:00

I do the best with what I have been given. I’ve never been with a woman that out earns me but I would love a sugar mommy tbh sounds lit

ohisama · 2022-07-16T04:56:42+00:00

What is the attitude of society in general and women in particular towards men who want to be stay at home dads or husbands, or earn less than their gf or wife?

Don't women go for men taller than themselves and who earn more?

How many dual income couples have you seen where the woman earns (a lot) then the man, permanently?

When it comes to women's preferences and insecurities, we justify it by blaming the society, men, patriarchy. Anyone but women themselves.

There's a double standard.

PaleoPimp · 2022-07-15T16:24:06+00:00

or if she became overweight (when they themselves were overweight).

Because conservative men view women as objects they acquired rather than people. They want to display an attractive mate in exactly the same way they show off their car or truck. They somehow believe they are paying for her to perform for them.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-07-15T17:08:23+00:00

I watched a show recently which had a quote that really touched on this point.

"Unmanly = uncool"

This really kind if goes straight to the root of the issue, social says men have to be this successful person, so like wise he would look like a cool person.

So anything that can make a person look uncool can also cause men to feel emasculated.

Nihi1986 · 2022-07-15T19:39:07+00:00

Being compared to other men or her friends' boyfriends and their relationships. I somehow tolated a bit of that in the past when I was much younger and naive. Next girl who does that I'll just calmly leave the relationship and consider it over. Probably won't even bother with giving an explanation.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-07-15T18:29:37+00:00

During WWII, Australians felt emasculated when American GIs used to come to their dances and the women would become fast for them.

Let me ask you...

What other parts of relationships do men feel emasculated or are double standard about?

Do you feel this only applies to your area?

Remy_me_me · 2022-07-15T20:12:08+00:00

The debate around online dating and whether it's fair (for argument sake) that guys are prompted to list their height on their profiles vs girls not being prompted to list their measurements.

I personally list my height as a guy, just to avoid the inevitable question when a girl and I are messaging, but it's still something my friends argue over.

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Imaginary-Loan-2216 · 2022-07-16T06:19:55+00:00

Should this really be a question for women? Not saying you should completely disregard their input but I think most of the time this would just be an assumption on their part, unless men have told them "this makes me feel emasculated!"

It's not feasible for one person to work and one to stay home in the United States either

I personally couldn't fathom someone getting upset if their partner (woman) out earning them, like wtf?

That makes sense, because it never happens. Your friend is just full of it, sorry

What DOES happen (a lot, it seems) is a woman (usually) will try to "emasculate" a man for making less than she does. You know, "a real man would be taking care of his woman the way she deserves to be! Not letting her do all the work while he barely makes as much as she does!"

_that_dam_baka_ · 2022-07-16T06:22:01+00:00

Indian. I never really saw any double standards growing up, but I haven't dated. What I saw from irl couples is limited to parents and movies. And friends. Mostly movies and friends.

Virginity (from fiction): I didn't even know it was an issue, and I know it was no issue for my own parents (they saw relatively similar incomes and got hitched), but apprently some men expect their wives to be virgins, even if they're not.

Income: Yes. Most men do think it's a problem is their wives make more or do better. Statistics show that it can become a cause for domestic violence.

Personal anecdote 1: a sorta-distant relative where the husband revised to apply for a position at his wife's University cz of ego.

Personal anecdote 2: the milkman talking about one protective bride bringing in more dowry. My dad and another dude (who made more than his wife but did the housework cz she's a police officer) told him to marry for money cz they did and it's great.

Position (job title): Parents started out at the same level. My mom got promoted before dad. Living in a joint family and being raised by my grandmother, the first sentence I learned in our native language was “abc thinks she's all that.” I also addressed my mom by first name for a while.

Anecdote 1 (dad): My dad was pretty open about mom being at a higher position at work, but I don't think he discussed it at home. He also fully ignored his immediate boss pulling rank cz “You're X rank? So is my wife.” I think it would've been terrible if they worked at the same place though.

Anecdote 2 (neighbour): the husband was making more money but the wife was a police officer. He did all the house chores, skipped overtime etc to make sure her job went smoothly. Corporate jobs are dime a dozen. Government jobs are hard to find and the perks are still great. He openly told me people asked him why he married a disabled woman and he just ignored them. Maybe he told them the truth, I forget.

Profession: In India, women are told to go into teaching in most families. Preferably primary. That's if they WANT to work. They come home when the kids do (or earlier) and do chores.

If a man is in a job where he can't open his own business, he opens one in his wife's name. Legally, that's her business and her money. Usually, that's family money. Indian politicians, for example, are poor. It's their wives who are rich. Legally.

Housework: I think women are usually in charge of all the mental labour. There are exceptions, but that's the rule. Even if there's a maid, managing her is usually a woman's job. Partially can most maids are women. Men can get more for skilled labour, like driving.

My mom hired a maid because it wasn't feasible to do housework AND work. But if a few women delegate housework, there are others who also do that if the spouse makes enough. Because, “They have a maid. Why don't we?”

I think you understand what I'm saying. You probably know places in rural Australia where it's affordable to live on a single income and people choose to do that. Realistically, you can almost make ends meet on a single income. It'll just be tight. But plenty of families choose to do that. The low cost of living is definitely a factor in that.

My dad actually tried helping early on. His mom told him that's a woman's job.

Buying period stuff for daughters: Dad didn't even know or care. I think men his age with sisters care more about taboos than men who didn't have sisters. There was no way to see how they played out. A lot of men do get annoying about it though.

Doing stuff for wives: I see my dad refusing to do stuff my wants done or the way she wants it done. Just to defy her. Maybe he enjoys picking fights

cholmanattom · 2022-07-17T10:24:41+00:00

Asian man here, would feel emasculated if my partner deny sex on unreasonable basis, like entire month with no external factor or anything. That's indicate the dying attraction and love. Dead bedroom is a deal breaker for me.

My woman out earn me? Nice if she also spend that money on us both.

Higher education? Ok if she is not going talk down on me later. Because if that's the case, the degree doesn't help her to become educated at all.

Title	What do men feel emasculated on / double standard?
Author	miiiing
Upvotes	38
Comments	261
Date	July 15, 2022 3:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vzrnvt/what_do_men_feel_emasculated_on_double_standard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-men-feel-emasculated-on-double-standard.1123709 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123709

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