why do you want marriage?

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-12-13T18:25:06+00:00

Because being a baby mama is cringe

ashpr0ulx · 2022-12-13T18:20:49+00:00

i want to get married. for me it’s about being a cohesive unit and making a lifelong commitment to the person I love. the benefits are companionship, someone to walk through life with, and dick on tap. I would not pursue anything serious with a man who did not view marriage in a similar way.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2022-12-13T18:33:57+00:00

1.) I want a family, and children are statically better off in stable, married, 2 parent households.

2.) creating 80 different POA's, trusts, wills, and other legally binding documents to signify my husband as a family member is a pain in the ass when 1 marriage license would suffice.

3.) in the vein of number 2, I have generational wealth and property I want to pass to my husband (and child) that is free and clear of legal claim by my half siblings.

4.) Its nice having a family I created with someone I chose.

5.) Its also nice that the family unit is legally recognized.

6.) I have a chronic illness that will become progressively worse, my husband will be executor of my legal shit if my health go tits up, rather than having it fall to distant/untrustworthy/vaguely hostile family members.

7.) love, chosen kinship, reliable sex partner, best friend, etc.

8.) women don't just go around proposing to men, wtf? I imagine if I proposed to a man and he said no I'd just...move on. Lots of fish in the sea and all that.

Currently married 17 years, its been pretty good so far.

Birb-brained · 2022-12-13T18:29:01+00:00

I don’t really. I guess it would be nice from just a ‘officially a wife/husband’ standpoint but the thought of having to arrange a whole ass wedding brings me out in cold sweats.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-13T18:58:54+00:00

I got married during early covid because my husband had cancer and the future was uncertain. I do not regret it. He is in remission and we didn't get Covid until yesterday. Go us.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-12-13T18:40:44+00:00

I'm married.

Wanted to marry my husband because i loved him and wanted to share my life with him. Luckily he felt the same

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-13T18:33:10+00:00

For me personally, I actually didn’t want marriage, because I grew up around nothing but dysfunctional or broken marriages and was convinced that failure was inevitable. I would have dated my now-husband in perpetuity, not because I didn’t love him but because of the aforementioned reasons, but he pushed to get married.

That said, I’m not unhappy in my marriage. I love his family and have embraced them as my own. He’s my best friend and I enjoy doing things with him, big and small. But in general, the biggest reason I see to marry is if you’re going to have have children. Otherwise, do whatever.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-12-13T18:46:46+00:00

I want to be able to find someone and be done looking because I found it. And being a long term live in girlfriend is frankly kind of offensive.

I want a life partner and someone to share my life with together someone to make it through the lows and the highs and celebrate our achievements together. A person to travel with and have fun with. I don't really want to have children I've kinda decided that having kids isn't something I want to do.

northernlights190 · 2022-12-13T18:52:17+00:00

Marriage does confer some security that can be important if you’re building an intertwined life and family with someone.

When I was in my longest LTR, we weren’t legally married, but in our jurisdiction the same legal scheme applies to people living common law. So it’s stuff like: if I died suddenly, my partner would be the beneficiary of my estate and have survivor benefits on my pension (which is an option only available to spouses or common law partners), and so wouldn’t be at immediate financial risk.

If I was incapacitated, he would have been the one authorized to make decisions about my medical care, which is super important. He was my partner in all things and it was right that we should be seen as such by the state.

Anyway, I personally have had a weird back-and-forth journey with what personal value I place on marriage.

It wasn’t something I valued when I was young, then it was something I thought was meaningful for maybe 10 years, and now I’m back to not having it as a goal and not finding it meaningful.

But through that, I did learn to understand that in addition to the stability marriage offers via those aforementioned legal rights, people can also just find it valuable from a personal standpoint. It can be meaningful to many people to have their partnership defined in a way elevated beyond “boyfriend / girlfriend,” and to have society recognize that as well.

Doesn’t have to resonate for everyone, but it does for a lot of folks. We live in a culture that still puts a lot of emphasis and attaches a lot of value to the custom of marriage. So of course many people want to have that experience.

NJFlowerchild · 2022-12-13T18:25:59+00:00

I never looked for marriage or wanted it. I wanted the relationship that I have now.

why does it benefit you ?

It made him happier and that makes me happier.

what do you gain from it what are the pros and cons for you are you still looking for marriage?

Absolutely nothing has changed beyond legal and tax statuses. I wouldn't call it a benefit or a con.

Staying legally single wouldn't have changed my life in any meaningful way either.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-12-13T18:43:24+00:00

I like the idea of marriage because it solidifies commitment and to me it also is the creation of a family unit. Even without kids, you would consider a husband and wife to be family. You won’t necessarily say the same for an unwed couple. My only family are my parents and they obviously won’t be here forever so it’s important for me to create a family that offers me the same support and companionship, which is what I see the major pro of marriage is. I don’t think there are cons to marriage when your marriage is good.

I would not propose to a man but my long term goals of marriage would be presented fairly on in getting to know him. I wouldn’t enter into a long term relationship with a man whose end goal wasn’t marriage.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-12-13T18:57:11+00:00

My first I was young and dumb

This time we both had children and wanted more so felt it was partly about giving them the security

We also loved the act of marrying in front of our family and celebrating with them

EulenWatcher · 2022-12-13T19:04:23+00:00

Marriage wasn’t a goal for me in itself, I didn’t want to marry for the sake of being married or marry just anyone willing enough. But when my husband and I were together for years and we planned our future, marriage was a logical next step in our relationship. It didn’t change much in terms of commitment, as we’d been committed to each other for years to that point, but it was a way to confirm our intentions and get some legal benefits and security of it.

Starting with minor things like shared job benefits and taxes and ending with things like being the one responsible for medical decisions and inheritance in the worst case scenarios. We were on the fence about kids at that moment, but I wouldn’t entertain even the thought of having a kid with a man who didn’t want to marry me. We also had no idea, that being legally married later on will help us to flee our country, as single men had issues going through borders and as a family you look less suspicious and it’s enough for one spouse to get certain types of visa to take the other with them.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-12-13T19:21:19+00:00

I'm a devout Catholic, want to have sex, and want to have children.

Though the only thing I truly care about is having our marriage recognized by the church. I'm personally indifferent to recognition by the state, but as of right now the church requires you to do that as well.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-13T19:22:25+00:00

I fell in love with someone and we would like to spend the rest of our lives with each other, and actually promise to commit rather than investing when the other could just walk away. The symbolic aspect is important to us and our families. We can get various financial, legal and citizenship benefits from marriage that it's hard or impossible to get elsewhere. I only see cons of getting divorced, but there are none to marriage for me. I'm going to propose to the man I want to marry. If a partner says no to proposing but yes to being proposed to I don't really care, but if it's no to both we obviously are incompatible so I'd probably have to move on.

FairyMachine · 2022-12-13T19:22:50+00:00

I feel like it's important to note that I never gave a shit about marriage until I hit about 35. Then I realised that I really don't want to be 50+ and still be calling him my "boyfriend". What do I call him when we're an old couple? "My partner" sounds too distant; we're already business partners.

To be husband and wife signifies you both at least trust you want to be together for the rest of your lives.

I also have assets that I want to be guarunteed passed down to him if I die before him, and writing a will rather than marrying feels stupid if I'm that committed to him.

Then there's stuff like being automatically considered one anothers "next of kin" for any health emergencies, things like intestacy laws for property ownership.

I also love the idea of a big happy party celebrating our relationship with all our loved ones together. He and I have been through enough shit together.

yayayubsea · 2022-12-13T19:33:59+00:00

I want marriage because I want a loving family, and I personally want that with a husband who has committed himself to our marriage and family, like I will. I gain a loving partner and a beautiful life we create together. The pros are endless, and the cons are not worth mentioning, if this is done correctly, and with the right person (in my opinion). I want a man who also wants this. I would not propose to man, nor would I date a man who didn't want to eventually get married and have a family

gofigure62 · 2022-12-13T19:35:25+00:00

I don't
It doesn't (unless marrying filthy rich without a prenup)
Nothing, especially if married to someone who makes the same or less than me. Statistically married women die sooner. Married males live longer.
I wouldn't propose to anyone
I'd say "Thank the stars".

KikiYuyu · 2022-12-13T20:44:36+00:00

I want to be a family with the person I love most. I want our status as family to be recognized.

delight-n-angers · 2022-12-13T20:58:46+00:00

Been with my partner 19 years, married 12 of those. Neither of us really *wanted* marriage, but my parents were up my ass about "shacking up" and we wanted the tax break and easier health insurance if one of us ever left our job (we were both at the same company at the time and that company paid ALL premiums on insurance for employees so we had separate health insurance).

Neither of us really proposed, we just kind of decided one day that yeah we want to spend our life together so we should just go ahead and sign the paperwork. no regrets, our relationship is happy and healthy.

2022-12-13T20:59:25+00:00

Because it's the only status that signifies to each other and our community that we are committed to one another

Lysa_Bell · 2022-12-14T10:34:34+00:00

In my late 20s I gave up on relationships. Then I met my current bf. We are together 5 years next year. I'm going to propose to him on our 5 year anniversary. Mostly for legal reasons. My mom is married the third time and I was always against marriage. But they are in their 60s now and I can see the benefits of being married when it comes to legality. I just want that my bf is taken care of if something happens to me. I want him to be able to have rights what happens to me. My parents won't be around to make hard decisions forever. He is the one I trust with my life and my death. I want him to be able to get widowers money and take over my belongings in case something happens. I want him to have access to everything we own. If we move to different countries we won't have to be separated because of our relationship status. It just makes shit easier when you think international a lot.

He has been through a lot in his life and I want to take care of him. Marriage is the easiest way to do that.

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2022-12-13T18:52:46+00:00

Marriage is only for kids and women. I advise no independent non-tradtional atheist men to get married.

saraimarsena · 2022-12-13T18:33:38+00:00

i want to get married because I will only have kids within for a man who I’m married to. I want my first kid (and maybe my second) before I turn 30. Why would I have a child (18 year+ commitment) who doesn’t actually want to commit to life with me? beyond that, I believe a stable two parent home is a better environment for raising kids.

i don’t need a big wedding, but I expect the commitment. i have no interest in being the one to propose. if a man didn’t want to propose to me, he’s not the right one.

besides, I think it’s beautiful to be a loving wife to a committed husband.

rft24 · 2022-12-13T19:58:48+00:00

i want kids? this is kinda a silly question lol

the only valid reason for marrying these days is to have children, unless you’re marrying for money ig. children have the best outcomes when their parents are married, and i refuse to have children for a man who’s not invested enough to marry me. i’d also rather not be a single mom if i can help it.

i really don’t think it benefits me very much aside from financially, ofc, but marriage helps everyone financially. women usually end up doing more work in marriage so the only way i see myself benefitting and not getting resentful is if i don’t have to work.

why the fuck would i propose LMAO, it’s on the man to do that.

you don’t say anything to men who don’t wanna marry you, you just leave and go find someone who wants the same things you want.

edit: forgot to mention i’m engaged, so not looking anymore.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2022-12-14T05:35:38+00:00

women why do you want marriage?

Because I want a long term relationship and the idea of being a forever girlfriend is completely unappealing. Kids have girlfriends. To me it's a matter of commitment and maturity.

what do you gain from it

Being a wife instead of a forever girlfriend. Living with my partner as I won't cohabitate before engagement at the earliest.

I have a pretty good example of a successful marriage from my parents and I want that same kind of relationship for myself.

The obvious legal benefits.

what are the pros and cons for you

What I gain is the same as the pros. Cons are the difficulty of separating should it come to that and the financial risk inherent in legally tying yourself to another individual.

do you propose to men you want to get married to?

Never been in this situation but I would never propose. "If he wanted to, he would."

what do you say if a man says no to proposing to you for marriage?

It'd be the end of the relationship. Incompatibility.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-12-13T19:35:54+00:00

I am married.

why do you want marriage?

I wanted life partner, a family and to be a normal member of society.

why does it benefit you ?

It makes me a respectable adult in the eyes of my family/the world at large, it gives me a sense of comfort and security, it gives my child(ren) a stable home to grow up in, it gives me protection in case my partner dies or leaves (or him protection in case I die or leave, which I consider a benefit too, since I love him)

what do you gain from it

Everything I listed above. Family, social legitimacy, security.

what are the pros and cons

Pros are everything I already listed. Cons are specific to the individual marriage. I don't really think there are any cons to my marriage, I am very happy getting married. The things I had to give up for marriage (dating/having sex with other people etc.) aren't things I value so I don't consider it a con.

for you are you still looking for marriage?

I am married.

do you propose to men you want to get married to?

No, we had conversations about it but I would never formally propose. tbh though my husband didn't really formally propose either.

what do you say if a man says no to proposing for marriage?

Wouldn't happen because I wouldn't propose, but if I did and he said no we would break up.

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-12-13T19:49:17+00:00

I simply want a partner whom I can trust and support for the rest of my life. If a guy says so, than clearly we have different goals in life, so it may not work out in the long term.

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Z-KNHO · 2022-12-13T18:51:48+00:00

Grihasta ashrama

serafixed · 2022-12-13T19:03:10+00:00

Convenience. Society should make the things it desires convenient

Barneysparky · 2022-12-13T19:32:59+00:00

Me and my girlfriend would love to get married in a couple of years but we don’t want a wedding. We think it’s crazy expensive and we both don’t wanna be in the center of attention. Ideally we’d wanna get married somewhere in private on a tropical island or something.

lle-ell · 2022-12-13T19:45:46+00:00

I want to be in a lifelong commitment, where we work shit out rather than jump ship. I want to signal to the world that I'm taken, so don't even try. I also want someone I trust to make decisions on my behalf if I'm in a come or something, and I don't trust my parents to do that. If I die before my time, I want my partner to inherit everything I own.

No financial incentives. I'm all for prenups and likely have a higher long term earning potential than my current partner. I also think that I will inherit more than him, but that's just a guess.

Edit to add: I wouldn't propose to a guy unless he was very clear about that it was important to him, and that he was ready. If he then said no, I'd jump ship.

briiiana1122 · 2022-12-13T19:54:32+00:00

Family unity. We make similar incomes and dont have unprotected unshared assets, so no I’m not worried about divorce.

I did propose to him, actually. We’ve both been married before and we wanted to change up that dynamic. I already knew he’d say yes, though. It’s a good idea to actually talk to a person and not just spring a proposal on them.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-12-13T20:08:46+00:00

Im married and we primarily did it to get our parents of our backs

I'm Asian from a Catholic background, he's half Asian.

And tbh it's a nice thing to declare your commitment in public.

But yeah, familial reasons for us both.

anon018274031 · 2022-12-13T20:14:57+00:00

I’m not really fussed either way tbh. I can see the pros and cons, seem about even.

mugdul · 2022-12-13T20:16:46+00:00

Wow, what a thought-provoking question! I'm sure all the women out there are just dying to weigh in on the merits of marriage. Let's see... why do women want marriage? Hmm, let's think... oh, I know! It's because women are all hopeless romantics who just want to be swept off their feet by a dashing prince and live happily ever after. Or maybe it's because women are all gold-diggers who are just looking for a meal ticket and a fancy ring. Or maybe it's because women are all baby-crazy and just want to pop out a bunch of kids and be tied down for the rest of their lives. I'm sure it's one of those reasons, or maybe all of them!

But seriously, women want marriage for all sorts of reasons. Some women might want the security and stability that comes with being married, while others might want to have someone to share their lives with and support them through thick and thin. Some women might even want to get married because they genuinely love and care for the person they're with, and want to spend the rest of their lives together. But whatever the reason, it's ultimately up to each individual woman to decide whether marriage is right for them, and what they want to gain from it.

As for proposing to men, I'm not sure that's really a thing that women do. Traditionally, it's the man who proposes to the woman, but I suppose in this day and age anything is possible. And if a man says no to a woman's proposal? Well, I guess she'll just have to move on and find someone else who's ready to take the plunge. Or maybe she'll just decide that marriage isn't worth it and focus on other things in life. But whatever the case, it's ultimately up to each individual woman to decide what's right for her, and whether or not marriage is part of that equation.

GoldenHornyChicken · 2022-12-13T20:48:04+00:00

I'd like to marry my partner to take his name and be a unified family with our son. Basically that. The party should be nice too. Nothing to "gain" or expect from it except the nice symbol.

Original_Adventurous · 2022-12-13T20:57:51+00:00

My partner wants to get married bc they had an unstable childhood and like the security, they have large fears about not being able to enter my hospital room in case of theoretical emergency.

I’m a little less passionate about getting married but the commitment would make me feel secure. If we chose to have kids I see why they would want the legal protection as the SAHP, though I have fears around being the financial provider.

As for the second part, we’re lesbians so.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-12-13T22:32:17+00:00

Cultural pressure

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-12-14T01:13:26+00:00

I want to create a family unit with my partner and raise children in it.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2022-12-14T03:53:11+00:00

Tax breaks…

The reality is, society doesn’t “believe” your relationship if it’s not legally binding. I’m a physician, and I can’t tell you the number of times a long term partner (like 20+ years) didn’t have any legal standing to make decisions for the pt because they weren’t married. And omg the dramatic bullshit that is ensued. Yeah, all of it can be mitigated with a formal POA document, but too many people don’t think about that until it’s too late

a_popful_mail · 2022-12-14T07:38:35+00:00

Personally marriage has a huge set of legal but also symbolic benefits honestly. Legally in emergencies, you have someone you trust calling the shots for medical stuff or with regards to your will and possessions. And I wouldn't want anyone else getting my collections, I don't think anyone else would appreciate them in quite the same way she does. Nor their memories. Let alone also being legally recognised as a couple, and getting the benefits therein with taxes and property and so on.

Symbolically? I like the message. Announcing to each other and to the world essentially "we're getting out there and we're making this work, its us to the end". I like that. I know you don't need a fancy ceremony or a piece of legal paperwork to say that, but this is outright in the way I like most. Plus no one can de-legitimize myself and my girlfriend if we've got the rings and we've got the paperwork.

Available-Ad-9338 · 2022-12-15T10:43:52+00:00

I'm childfree and I would only consider marriage for legal reasons (immigration, medical, property). Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.

Sophiatab · 2022-12-15T16:29:31+00:00

It's useful to have a legal partner in life and in my deeply held religious beliefs which give meaning to my life, this is the only relationship in which sexual relations are permitted.

Title	why do you want marriage?
Author	DokiMin
Upvotes	2
Comments	146
Date	December 13, 2022 6:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zl2jnp/why_do_you_want_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-you-want-marriage.1143997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143997

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