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RunsFastAfterCoffee · 2021-12-31T21:09:34+00:00

I think its more that they're softening the blow with a compliment. I've never broken up with someone for being too considerate. But I have found it really unattractive when a guy can't show me his romantic side because he thinks he's being "nice" by acting like he's asexual.

secondtrades · 2021-12-31T18:24:23+00:00

Women are attracted to confidence and that you have some kinda of social life outside of her. Even if you aren't deep down confident, fake it until you truly have it.

2021-12-31T22:42:32+00:00

I think you are focusing in the wrong place, nothing wrong with being nice, but there has to be more, how confident are you? How exciting is your day to day, what is vibrant and different about you? How attractive are you? How steamy are you making the bedroom? How much fun is it to be around you? There are billions of nice guys, not many studs.

ChicoBrillo · 2021-12-31T22:34:26+00:00

People are being a little harsh here. “Nice” is a semantically dubious word. It means different things to different people.

Women definitely like kind, compassionate men. There are women who like toxic men too, but those women are toxic themselves, and why the hell would you want to be with them?

I think the trope of the “nice guy” who doesn’t get laid is due to him being over invested too early on. You’re a puppy, you want to follow them around and be pet and fed affection. You’re sincere, innocent even, but you haven’t matured yet in your confidence and sense of direction.

Whenever you feel yourself over thinking about a woman remember the mantra “focus on yourself”. That’s what turns women on and makes all the difference. If you shower then with attention, its unbalanced. You need to first and foremost be the captain of your own ship.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-12-31T19:03:30+00:00

Alright, my dude, pay attention cuz this will haunt you if you don't remember it. Women have attraction switches in their brains. And while being polite is endearing to women it doesn't make them want to mate with you. Good thing, too! No woman has ever said to herself, " He held the door for me. I want to rip his clothes off and bang him right here!"

When you get called a nice guy what it means is "You have no spine. You are easily controlled, manipulated, don't stand up for yourself and validation seeking. And you do not trigger lustful feelings."

Here are the top five attraction switches in women, but first think of how much they differ from "being a nice guy" and why they are attraction switches, when you read them. One, preselection (other women find you attractive, i.e. rockstar, actor). Two, leader of men (QB's). Three, protector of loved ones. Four, willingness to emote (not a psychopath). Five, successful risk-taker (confidence). Note that in all of these switches being nice isn't there. Sexual arousal in women is triggered by her emotions and politeness triggers nothing. Nice guys have an "eager to please" demeanor that is like a wet blanket on the flame of attraction. Women like non-needy, non-validation seeking man. Men who have their own opinions, aren't afraid to tell a woman, "no" and adhere to their own personal authority. You train people how to treat you. When you are a nice guy what you subcommunicate is, " It's OK to shit all over me because you have higher value than me and I don't want you to think poorly of me because I already think poorly of myself. Please like me." (Gross over-generalization, but does that personality inspire you to want to have sex with that type of person?)

You're making the cardinal mistake every man makes by thinking of women in societal terms instead of animal kingdom terms. We are animals and we have mating algorithms. Those mating schemes are hardwired into our limbic reptilian brain through biology/DNA. Nice guys come across as two-faced to women because nice guys want to fuck and this isn't a great mystery to women. When you hide your sexual desires from women they get weirded out because you are not congruent with your actions/motives. "I know he wants to fuck me, why is he pretending like he doesn't?" Nice guys apologize and are ashamed of their sexual appetites. Never apologize or feel ashamed about wanting to fuck a woman. And don't try to hide it either. You win or fail by getting a woman to invest in you emotionally by getting her to think about sex with you.

Learn about push/pull and study the demeanor/attitude/actions of James Bond. He has personal mastery over himself that you want to emulate until it becomes your own personal mastery. Is he a nice guy or does he trigger sexual arousal in women? How? [EDIT]: Broken into paragraphs once i learned how (on Mobile). Thx for the advice, my Dudes!

Teamtoast · 2021-12-31T18:47:03+00:00

No!

But don't be an unchallenging pushover like "honey, honey i'll do anything to get in your pants"

I really enjoyed spending time with you, and you've been very kind, but I don't think we're headed in a romantic direction.

This means she's not attracted to you or you did not escalate sexually/physically and she lost intrest. Next time escalate physically in the first minutes of the interaction, don't wuss out. But be careful with this you should not do this to woman that don't show you intrest (Smiles, sparkly eyes, enthusiasm).

2021-12-31T23:30:06+00:00

I feel that there’s a such thing as being “too nice”. You don’t want to be a push-over or anything, but it’s always right to show your partner respect and be kind to them.

Women don’t want to be treated poorly, although sometimes they accept it because it’s all they know. At the same time, they don’t want some push-over who can be perceived as weak.

I have definitely gotten the same treatment as you have. I’ve had 3 serious relationships and every time I’ve been dumped in the end. The relationship never turns toxic, there’s never any big fight, there’s open communication and respect… but it still ends. And I always get the “You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever been with” comment, or the dreaded “You deserve better.”

I feel I’ve been a little too nice at times, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to start being a douche.

Mog_Melm · 2021-12-31T23:04:40+00:00

Are kind, nice, good men a turn off for women?

No. It's not a turn-on either. They're just good qualities to have that have little relationship to stoking the flames of erotic passion.

BrummieAMN19 · 2021-12-31T20:30:52+00:00

They're basically saying they're not physically attracted to you and you're a pussy because you're not being sexual enough/moving things forward and making the other right moves. Also could be the case of your choice of women as well

2022-01-01T03:47:03+00:00

There are few things going on here.

"You are nice, but not for me" is women are just being nice. It doesn't mean anything.
Then you have Nice^TM guys, which are just a-holes pretending to be the nice guys.
Then you have genuinely nice guys, but they also let people treat them as doormats. So obviously not many women are interested in them.
Some women will claim they want a nice guy. What that means is they want a (rich+successful+good-looking etc. and) nice guy. Many guys fail to see the implicit assumptions and think it's all about being nice. I think this is a genuine miscommunication and the most frequently found.
Related to above, but this one is more some women deliberately claiming they want a nice guy, while in reality they just want a rich/good-looking guy. They are just too afraid to admit to themselves or to other people.
Related to above some women have been abused in their childhood and they are unconsciously working through it by dating abusive partners. Although they genuinely want a nice guy. In Fruedian psychology it's called reenactment.
Then you have the culture of narcissism. Everywhere you go it's more confidence, more high self-esteeem, more faking it - in general just more narcissism. So being a nice person can easily translate into you don't have "high self-esteem". Think about negging.
Finally being nice by itself is never sufficient and is necessary in most cases. Although society gives you messaging like this that all you have to is be nice.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-01-01T01:15:40+00:00

The problem is that they are not really wording it correctly, it’s not that you are nice or kind. The problem is you are not masculine, that’s what they truly mean. They don’t feel feminine with you, because you lack that necessary masculine vive.

You likely never roast them or tease them, you never challenge them in any way, you always do what they want or try to comply to their wishes, there is not sexual tension, and it feels all too platonic , that’s what they mean by being too nice.

So called bad guys are just more masculine, they are challenging, they provoke the girls, they try to trigger her, they make her feel intense emotions some positive, some negative, they are like a rollercoaster of emotions, they have sexual tension, they are dominant,… etc they just feel more like men.

omanisherin · 2022-01-01T04:28:43+00:00

That's code for they think your boring. Learn how to tease, push-pull and handle shit tests. Your woman wants to be surprised, laugh and in general feel a lot of emotions. You need better game.

surfershane25 · 2021-12-31T23:18:53+00:00

Being nice isn’t a turn off, not being a turn on is a turn off. You were nice enough that she doesn’t think you’re an asshole and it’s hard for her to have to let you down so she’s even complimenting you, but you weren’t a turn on and she didn’t feel the lust or desire to be with you. Being nice rarely makes a woman want to sleep with you, you have to build attraction to get there.

2022-01-01T00:22:21+00:00

I am the “attentive sweet boyfriend” type guy in relationships and I can say from experience women LOVE it. The times I’ve been broken up with the other person was visibly a wreck about it. They get addicted to the way you treat them when you’re like that.

Other issues come up. For me in the past it was always money. I heard stories about my parents struggling together when they were younger and working their way up, I always expected that would happen for me but it doesn’t quite work that way. A woman will happily struggle with you but you still need to show that you have a future and you’re not a bum. I didn’t figure out the importance of really making money a priority until my late 20’s.

I think also women who currently feel vulnerable from a recent breakup may get sick thinking of themselves immediately jumping into another super lovey perfect relationship right away. It just doesn’t seem real. So they run.

You could also be experiencing women who mostly want sex. Which if you’re a “nice guy” then you aren’t reading or acting on sex signals.

The girl could also have recently been with a string of guys who treated her badly, so her expectation is that quality men aren’t going to be easy to get.

Or she could have experience with guys going all in too fast and then losing interest as soon as she gets comfortable, in which case any signs of that early on are a red flag.

Wyld_C4rd · 2022-01-01T00:30:17+00:00

I think kindness, compassion and being loving are all good attractive traits. But often guys do it to manipulate the perception a woman has of them. Its putting someone up on a pedestal.

But women are just as flawed as men. A lot of guys who are “ nice” are actually just being passive and submissive to the woman they are idolizing. Its cause they don’t have a good relationship with themselves so they seek love and approval externally which causes one to unconsciously manipulate people. ( people pleasing, being a push over, not expressing their true feelings and desires )

But you kind of have to have an edge to you. “ Its better to be a warrior in a garden, then a gardener in a war. “

Self confidence/respect/trust is key. Believe in yourself. You want to express and speak your truth no matter the consequences. To do this you have to let go of expectations and live outside of your comfort zone in the present moment. To be completely vulnerable. This allows you to be truly unconditional with women which builds trust and emotional connection.

I recommend the book Models by Mark Manson for more into this subject

YellowMellowFello99 · 2022-01-01T00:48:26+00:00

Yes they are. Women like chaos and drama….. if you’re a good ol boy you’re boring. Also you tend to hear this when you’re a ugly guy. You get those “you’re kind/nice/sweet” titles lol.

IrregularKingV · 2021-12-31T23:05:15+00:00

Kindness is not a turnoff but being nice is.

That's why the saying is "they're a nice guy" instead of "they're a kind guy"

Saying a man is a nice guy is like saying they don't have a dick in a way since the man is acting nice to get to know them/ get in their pants instead of showing interest from get go & not faking not being interested. So being a interesting man with a dick that goes for what they want in life instead of beating around the bush.

So be A BADASS IN YOUR OWN LIFE with your code of conduct, boundaries for things you don't tolerate, interesting hobbies you do, friends that are men & women, etc

Being kind is you know taking time to help others on spare time/ when on your journey (Helping old lady out, thanking waiters/ waitresses/ food & drink industry people, etc)

As for being a good man that's up for interpretation on what ya define as being a good guy

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-12-31T21:53:41+00:00

Yea, huge turn off. I was just commenting on another thread, but I work with a young girl, cute/pretty type, raging hormones and out of control libido. Talks about sex 24/7 and thinks about it even more. She is struggling to find a man.

Why? We went over her dating app. 90% of guys on there are either too homely looking or the too smiley, too nice type of guys. They would make great dads and husbands one day, but for a young girl who is starved for sex and adventure, they are a total turn off. Like they don't even register on her radar.

None of the guys I saw had any edge to them or looked like they could smash that pussy. And guess what this girl and another girl at work basically admitted that they only enjoy rough sex with rough guys. Manly guys. Not nice polite, kind guys. There is nothing sexy about the kind, nice provider type. Nothing! He is as sexy to women as a frumpy librarian type is to us men.

NotMyBestEffort · 2022-01-01T01:55:11+00:00

I think it comes down to: Can you say something to her that will make her blush? Do you have the stones to say something that could make you blush? If you can't break this barrier, you are nice.

Impressive-Ad6625 · 2022-01-01T04:29:54+00:00

Not at all. Any man saying no probably isn’t as nice as they think they are, or at least if that is their one redeeming quality it probably doesn’t make up for theirs downsides

GarugasRevenge · 2022-01-01T05:37:43+00:00

No only to cringe nice guys. There's a difference between head over heels nice which is now considered cringe as an adult or just be respectful. I've had plenty of women in bed saying how hot it was that I respected them, and I'm supposedly a 5'6" manlet according to the internet.

If a woman is turned off from you being nice then she's toxic and has a strong self defense mechanism if she puts up a front against a nice stranger.

If you want me to boil it down to rules then here you go:

Be yourself, but don't be yourself and apologize a bunch, be yourself UNAPOLOGETICALLY
Don't mention sex, just don't, let them bring up sex. If sex is on your mind so much then pop one off before your date.
Ive had a few close calls, so just use condoms. You're possibly an unknowingly std spreading douche if you don't.
If she's rude then be rude back. You don't have to insult her back, the best way to save is to ask why they're being so mean. If she really just gets her kicks by being mean then leave her with the bill, leave her at the movie theaters. It'll be a teachable moment.
All women are different, so don't try these dumb strategies you read on the internet. Most are contradicting. Chase the girl, and don't chase the girl she's probably toxic if she likes that, don't approach a woman at work that's creepy. It's not, it's how people met before the internet. The way you should act is in rule 1.
Expect rejection, hey you've got it this far good job. Once you get rejected a certain amount of times you gain two things: confidence against rejection so it doesn't bother you, see why you were rejected and learn more about that person. Chasing someone is one thing, after one try if she says no harshly then don't bother. But she might let you down easy the first time, this is a good opportunity to not try again, but to gain a female friend. Ask if they want to be their friend depending on the context. No phone but first name basis. Women have female friends that may be single.
Take care of your appearance for a date, I didn't want to believe it because I generally am unhygienic, but my statistics show I got luckier on those dates. Shower, shave, deodorant but not too much, and have a date outfit.

Hope this helps.

Sensitive-Permit-877 · 2022-01-01T06:57:46+00:00

Saying you are good guy or nice by a woman is code for cringe. Nice guy to men means you are nice. Nice to women means cuck

truthbomb999 · 2021-12-31T22:26:11+00:00

Are kind, nice, good men a turn off for women?

In shorts yes when they are younger, but not when women get older. When women get beat up by life a bit and experience some of the negatives of bad boys, usually around 27-35 or so they see the benefits of nice guys...

Problem is most nice guys have quit playing the game, gotten married, or went overseas by that point

MeWuzBornIn1990 · 2021-12-31T18:25:55+00:00

haha yea they are, we should've been born in the 20s bro we'd have better luck, i always get the same stuff. My favorite is the last girl i went out with "i'm just looking for a nice faithful guy" only got one date with her lmfao

2022-01-01T04:32:25+00:00

No, they’re not. It all depends on where the niceness is coming from and how the girl perceives it.

Women have more social intelligence than men and it’s not even close. If you’re being insincere or are being nice for approval they will know. If you’re a genuinely nice person who wishes well for others, they’ll know that as well. As a matter of fact, it’ll turn them on more.

Edit: Spelling

2022-01-01T00:34:21+00:00

I was a “nice guy” since I was 14-16. Although in highschool, I realize that being a nice guy does not pay off. I had a friend that was such a scumbag that now being 18 he knocked up his girlfriend of the same age. But he was the one that got the “best girls“. So from a man’s point of you I know it’s not what most women are looking for.

NarwhalNips · 2022-01-01T02:09:19+00:00

Being kind is only part of it. She might find you boring or lacking confidence or something along those lines, but it's always good to be very nice.

Women don't go for d-bags, maybe a select few, but they go for men who are confident, funny, comfortable in their own skin, etc. some/a lot of these men happen to be d-bags.

argumentativepigeon · 2022-01-01T06:03:35+00:00

She gotta be able to look at you and say this guy would dick me down

2022-01-01T06:07:51+00:00

Being kind and nice are a bare minimum, for s relationship to work there has to be actual attraction, things in common, similar life goals, etc. there’s so much more to a partner than being a decent human being. I think it exs are trying to say that you were a good person but not Whatt they are looking for.

vanillapopsicle · 2022-01-01T09:23:58+00:00

The reason given is always bullshit. Ignore it.
Yes, better to be thrilling and exciting than boring and nice.

Shadow__Account · 2022-01-01T10:13:53+00:00

This has been discussed ad nauseum. Nothing wrong with being nice, but most people in your situation are not nice from a perspective of giving but from a perspective of wanting to receive. The attraction comes from leading, having personality, boundaries, preferences, acting, willingness to walk etc. If you are nice out of neediness to keep people around or to make people like you that is not attractive and if you lack in other areas that are attractive that’s not a m’n attractive total of characteristics to have. More about the nice for reference, if she knows you are independent and will walk away if she acts out and leave her, if she knows you won’t buy her anything to win her over and you do whatever the fuck you want in life. She’ll appreciate how nice you are when you buy her a 2$ coffee, because it’s sincere. If you buy her shit all the time, let her walk all over you and get all desperate in arguments etc, you organizing a dinner and buying her a 1000$ laptop won’t be nice it will be just another manipulative attempt.Tldr nothing wrong with nice, but you most likely lack a lot of attractive skills elsewhere and I’d advise you to only be nice when it’s real when you want nothing! Back for it and be honest to yourself about that part and work on your attraction building skills

AlexBT23059 · 2022-01-01T11:07:04+00:00

You need to have a balance in your life, being too nice is a sign of neediness,unconsciously we all know that if someone is too nice with us he might want something from us

Lotus_82 · 2022-01-01T13:32:27+00:00

Sorry but that’s kind of a stupid question. Line what girl in her right mind wants a guy that’ll fly of the handle and get agressive and violent with her?

What a lot of guys seem to not comprehend is that women don’t want bad boys in the sense of “men who are abusers” but they want someone who has a personality and who isn’t a spineless “yes-man” with a bland personality.

And for some reason a lot of guys take that personally claim women want bad guys who treat them like shit because it hurts their ego to contemplate the possibility that they’re boring as hell with a personality to match and you have absolutely no life.

Women want to see that you have stuff going on, that you have relationships and hobbies so that when you do spend time with her it means you actually care because your time is valuable.

The time of a guy who’s got nothing going on in life outside of video games is worthless and a girl will never feel like he’s setting time aside for her.

VergilArcanis · 2022-01-01T17:30:27+00:00

It depends. Sometimes the "nice" can translate to routine or boring, which many do not seek. Sometimes it tanslates to takes more energy to make the relationship work out.

Other times the compliments are to help focus on the parts that can help get a better relationship because they believe that it's possible should you focus on that kindness.

My only piece of advice, albeit really bad, is to focus on being able to sustain yourself alone and perhaps you can chance by a person that a relationship can form.

2021-12-31T19:38:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

kittybrehbreh · 2021-12-31T23:37:46+00:00

Women wont outwardly say it, but when they say you’re nice, it means your weak,you have no boundaries, you’re a people pleaser, and you have no back bone. I’m kind, but I’m not afraid to check or put a girl on ice for passing a boundary of mine.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-12-31T23:34:21+00:00

American women yea

alexutu26 · 2022-01-01T11:54:01+00:00

Alpha seeds, beta needs. If you don't have the alpha traits, if you don't look, smell and dress like a bad boy, women get turned off. If you're too apologetic, if you lead with your wallet, if you let them play games and disrespect you, they get turned off. It's not your fault, but you can find some tips on how to be more of alpha on YouTube.

2022-01-01T00:46:53+00:00

Here’s why women go for d-bags.

There was a study conducted at a university in Boston, where couples were given free couples therapy under the stipulation that these sessions were recorded on video.

The videos were used by researchers and students in the following manner.

Each student was given a piece of graph paper divided into 4 quadrants.

Secure- Guys like Jim Halpbert from the office

Narcissists-extreme example: Kanye West

Insecure- usually someone who’s self depricating, someone who sees themselves as inferior

Anti social- someone who’s connection to reality is skewed, or has some sort of disorder that prevents normal human interaction. (Down’s syndrome, or past trauma, etc)

The students watched the videos and the tape would be paused, statements made would be assessed by the students and plotted on the graph.

Was the last statement made a narcissistic one? How narcissistic?

The graphs came back with similar groupings for most of the people, a lot of male narcissists, a lot of insecure women, very few antisocial and even fewer secure people.

What was an interesting find, most insecure people would date narcissists or secure people. Since most of the narcissists were men, the tendency was to find insecure women dating them. Narcissistic women also dated insecure men. Secure men and women dated each other or insecure men or women. Rarely did narcissists date each other or secure people.

The theory is that insecure women date narcissistic men, because to an insecure person, narcissism looks like security. While confidence is necessary to be secure, self obsession disguises itself as being confidant behavior.

“I can have anything I want”

Vs

“I can attain any goal I set my mind to.”

So, insecure women are drawn to narcissistic because they want to be secure with themselves, unfortunately, being with a narcissist exacerbates the problem, creating a more insecure personality.

That’s why you see nice girls with assholes. The asshole thinks he is the greatest thing on earth and the girl has gotten caught up in his lie.

Same thing with Trump voters. They’re scared that their way of life is threatened, and Trump claims to be the savior of America. Insecure finds Narcissist and attaches to him.

What can you do about it?

Find out where you fall on the graph. Are the statements and thoughts you have everyday things that a secure person would say? Are you insecure? Are you narcissistic or are you covering insecurities with a farce?

Shoot for being secure, these are the most mentally healthy people, and overall happiest, and try and find a secure partner. You’ll both be happiest this way.

TheGnosionaut · 2022-01-01T08:51:11+00:00

I will translate it for you: you're not a creep, but you're also not exciting. I hope you find a woman that just wants a good man at home. I want someone who can turn me on.

Being nice or polite is not wrong, being a pushover is. You should leave girls the room to chase and compliment you every once in a while. If you're taking all the initiative, you're satisfying them to the point that their basic instinct to pursue (we are hunters) is going towards someone else. (Or something)

IamRocksteady · 2022-01-01T11:37:35+00:00

It sounds like you were too compliant and predictable. How often do you take the lead with women? Meaning that you make the plans, lead the interaction etc.

Moon_whisper · 2022-01-01T11:22:28+00:00

I am with a genuinely nice guy...but it almost didn't happen. We went on a date, but he was so nice that I didn't really think he was into me. Lol. He actually didn't think I was into him either. But he took a gamble and kissed me by surprise.

We have been together 5 months since. And although he is super nice, and a complete gentleman, he also remembers to show me his dominant side sexually (that is MY kink).

Over Christmas he was away for 5 days to visit his family whom he hasn't seen in years. I stayed home for work. By the time I picked him up at the airport, I was ready to rip his clothes off.

So yeah, nice guys can get the girl. But the guy does have to make a move usually. Because sometimes guys can send mixed signals as well.

purplebananabubbles · 2022-01-01T12:43:43+00:00

just because someone is a good person or a nice guy doesn't guarantee that there's any romantic feelings attached to them... when you're not feeling it, you're not feeling. it doesn't mean women aren't attracted to nice guys, it just means they aren't attracted to you.

21nightofSeptember · 2022-01-01T11:52:49+00:00

I think girls like guys who kind to everyone not just to them only, but that’s just my personal opinion

figuringMylife · 2022-01-01T02:49:09+00:00

nobody likes “nice” anybody. everyone likes standards and boundaries. this is NOT a gender thing. men also complain about pretty shitty women who fucked them over. please stop this weird narrative

MrBubaaaa · 2021-12-31T18:24:21+00:00

To the title question : That is not as appricaited by the way,definetly not an advantage. Lot.of men are nice because they act. It would need to be natural. Even if it was,it wouldnt be appriciated,but it would come off as woah,another nice guy,i'll just drink the coffee and say goodbye.

MihaiRau · 2021-12-31T23:11:36+00:00

First off it's not enough to be kind good etc., you also need some other manly qualities. Second, even if you have all that it's just possible to have bad luck streak and they just reject you in a kind manner.

ebmnm · 2021-12-31T23:48:06+00:00

Yeah dont be a pushover make it clear she doesn’t have you by her fingertips even if she does haha

b3from01 · 2022-01-01T00:07:00+00:00

No, I feel like, if an attractive man is nice to me, then he must be attracted to me or sum. That’s how broken I am LMAO

MentalCelOmega · 2022-01-01T01:56:30+00:00

Yes, they are. Especially if you are fat, short, and ugly.

2022-01-01T02:09:51+00:00

That's because you were too nice. Did you try to hold her hand, touch her shoulders, initiate a kiss, flirt, eye contact? if not then that's the reason why, you don't hold the hand of your friends right?

burncushlikewood · 2022-01-01T02:17:17+00:00

Being nice and kind is definitely not a turn off, altruism is attractive to women, however being a pushover/doormat is not an attractive quality. A lot of guys use the neg or whatever in MM but that is not necessary to pick up women. Girls like a bad boy, but that doesn't mean that you can't get girls if you're a good person, the dark side of nature is that women are sometimes attracted to these sociopathic men, but the reason for this is their ability to protect her but in a long term relationship these guys aren't very attractive. Women are drawn to the alpha, and social dominance, think about it, women want security and protection from danger, and a man who has money and the ability to build bonds with other men is more able to protect her than one really big and strong guy, as unity makes us much more powerful

UnknownWolf719 · 2022-01-01T02:36:49+00:00

I get what you’re saying. You have to learn to be balanced. Not too nice, but not an asshole. Find the middle ground

its_whot_it_is · 2022-01-01T02:47:12+00:00

“Nice” is safe, safe is boring, women are like cats if it’s dead they won’t chase it. What they’re saying it’s missing oomph, some spice, some role play some challenge, emotion. Daily flirting/teasing

double_whiskeyjack · 2022-01-01T03:08:30+00:00

When you say broken up with do you mean these were your girlfriends that you've been dating and fucking for an extended period of time?

PrestigiousAd8927 · 2022-01-01T03:12:16+00:00

When people say you are kind and nice you are in essence put in the "friend zone." The point here women think that saying they are not but not romantically involved is her out of the relationship. It more has to do with coping or a excuse that works for them. When people say you are kind and nice you are in essence put in the "friend zone." The point here women think that saying this and put in the friend zone can be a death to a relationship.

I believe is best to part ways and if it is meant to be the person on either side will come back

Ducharbaine · 2022-01-01T03:31:30+00:00

Ugh no.

Look, those are good qualities to have. BUT. being nice, kind, etc is not a qualification, just a baseline. It is not enough. You need to bring her good experiences, safety, and direction to your relationship

If you deferred to her, let her make the plans, or came to her without a plan or your own life to bring her into, you weren't living an attractive life. I don't mean be controlling or demanding, but have direction and do not make everything in your life about her.

You aren't losing these girls to being good to people, You're losing them to a transactional vibe, not being a man on his own path,

2022-01-01T04:02:44+00:00

It's ok to be nice and kind to everyone, in fact it's a huge way to create a large social network that will help get you through life with the sort of experiences, job opportunities, and friendships you want. But when it comes to dating, you can't approach it that way. Treating her like a princess and being as kind as you can isn't going to maintain the attraction for long. I'm not saying don't be emotional/vulnerable, that's important, but you also can't give her every little thing she wants and treat her like she is literally a queen you serve. You have to act more polarizing and assertive.

You also might just be bad at the sex part of the relationship, that's something to look into.

BigShuggy · 2022-01-01T04:17:39+00:00

It’s not that being kind is bad it’s probably that you aren’t exciting. Exciting can have whatever moral quality you want to bestow upon it but she needs to be interested in you as a person and exciting stuff needs to happen while you’re around.

fr0ntsight · 2022-01-01T04:21:54+00:00

Of course not!

Wink wink

popotimes · 2022-01-01T04:29:23+00:00

Do your best to Be the best version of yourself and someone you'd be proud of being without having to feel regrets or ashamed for it. Then they will come to you and you'll recognize the opportunity when it comes. You shouldnt be ashamed for being kind and nice if that's who you truly are as person. But if you're doing it just for approval that's different.

Still take time to take reflect on how you interact with others. Taking inventory is very important if you want to improve as person. We're all a work in progress despite what others make it seem like they have their lives together. Relationships frequently fall apart were you truly happy with those people who broke up with you anyways?

Theres more women out there who will like you for you. But what's most important is liking yourself and improving yourself along the way.

Radio_Unique · 2022-01-01T04:54:31+00:00

This makes women fall in love. But with a right blend of busy with his own life, generosity and amazing sex

ugglygirl · 2022-01-01T05:25:55+00:00

Consider: Kind and nice can be code words for lacking confidence or too solicitous and lacking sexiness or machismo. It’s not really that you’re too nice. Edgy guys are sexy. But the sexiest guys have figured out how to be edgy and kind

NewCommonSensei · 2022-01-01T05:31:40+00:00

Be more masculine.

MikeAlphaGolf · 2022-01-01T05:58:05+00:00

If you haven’t read No More Mr Nice Guy, then do that. It will be instructive for you.

Being kind and being “nice” are not the same. Kindness most often comes from a place of strength and security. Being “nice” is often someone lacking conviction and confidence that they’re enough.

canuckle1211 · 2022-01-01T06:25:51+00:00

Everything in life is about balance. Sometimes a good guy can be too good to the point some shit that you say might just be a turn-off or could be seen as weird.

mavinter · 2022-01-01T06:26:58+00:00

No, if your purpose of being kind, nice and good isn't to make her do something in return (become attracted to you, go on a date with you, have a sex with you, etc.). In other words, if you aren't fake.

Women can smell fakeness from a mile and that's the biggest turnoff.

cccutejulia · 2022-01-01T07:36:17+00:00

Not a turn off but definitely being nice and good should be accompanied by being strong and confident.

TheMorningJoe · 2022-01-01T07:42:16+00:00

Because 9/10 men use it as a bargaining chip to get laid (even though it rarely works)

Also nobody should feel special for being nice/kind, it’s literally the baseline to be a decent human being.

Dickasaurus_Rex_ · 2022-01-01T09:27:36+00:00

It’s not that being nice is unattractive. It’s that a lot of guys cover up their weakness with an excuse that they were just “being nice”. And weakness is extremely unattractive.

Are you able to stand your ground and defend your beliefs? Do you know what you value and are you pursuing it? What have you done in this past year that made you better than the you of last year? What haven’t you done that you could have?

Personally, I feel like the whole idea of being dumped or rejected cause of being “nice” is an overused excuse (in most situations ofc). Ask, and answer, yourself honestly. Was it being “nice” that made them lose interest? Or was it being weak?

KrisKaiser · 2022-01-01T10:05:27+00:00

Jair, are you looking for a more scientific answer look this video about Jordar Peterson talking about that.

I will also recomend every related videos.

https://youtu.be/WvmlIZwunHE

Noblejunior · 2022-01-01T10:42:48+00:00

YES they’re. Buh everyone in this comment will tell you otherwise especially the women. Nice guys are very unattractive to women

Moejason · 2022-01-01T10:53:44+00:00

Being kind and good aren’t a turn off but you’re thinking about them in the wrong way.

Being kind and good is the baseline bare minimum you should be in a relationship with anyone (any kind of relationship). You need to have more substance, or else develop your kindness into a kind of charisma.

Like I also get called kind and nice by dates, but it’s never as a negative thing. People want their partner to be considerate, but being kind is different to being passive or being a pushover - make sure to also, engage the people you’re with.

ZStealthMissile · 2022-01-01T11:05:58+00:00

oliness · 2022-01-01T11:17:44+00:00

When you speak to her, are you ever willing to disagree? Like you would with someone you're not trying to impress? Can you debate things like you would with guy friends? Being too nice can mean always agreeing with her, because you think that will make her like you.

Someone I'm dating was in covid isolation recently, through Christmas. She stuck to it completely. And I told her that I respected her moral code in sticking to it to not pass it on, but I believe that it's OK to make a mental health exception and see people Christmas Day. She didn't break the isolation, and I didn't change my mind. But I respected her decision to keep to the isolation and she appreciated my concern for her mental wellbeing.

When I was younger, I wouldn't have expressed different views because I would think that the way to bond is to always agree. Now, I jokingly call her an angel but back then, I'd just have gone on about how good she is isolating and how it was the right thing.

Showing that you're a person confident in his views, even if they're sometimes different from hers, gets you respect.

EphenidineWaveLength · 2022-01-01T12:22:59+00:00

I don’t know but I’ve had a couple of what seemed like really good relationships end because they said I was too nice and it’s not what they’re used to and they can tell I really like them and they don’t want to screw me over 🤷‍♂️

I don’t think women are against nice guys, but I do think they want a little excitement especially when younger. Sounds cliche and I know all women will be different but they like a bit of a chase. They like to feel like they are working their magic on you. If they know they got you in the palm of their hand, aka nice guy that’s open with them and doesn’t play games, they can get bored. But obviously everyone is different.

medinilla · 2022-01-01T14:33:58+00:00

They’re not a turn off, those qualities are very attractive. I really recommend reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover.

airportag · 2022-01-01T15:49:57+00:00

Not really , you'll meet the right one! I did.

gangweedsavedme · 2022-01-01T16:46:24+00:00

Being kind is neither sexually attractive or unattractive. Being nice for the wrong reasons is unattractive.

2022-01-01T16:47:01+00:00

I need witty banter of a dark humor nature to stay interested long term. I like nice, but I need someone I can be a total heel with. I choose spicy over sweet (but want both, ideally).

swissarm · 2022-01-01T17:27:21+00:00

I think you could really benefit from reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. Years ago when I was big on this subreddit it used to be the #1 most recommended book for recovering nice guys along with Models by Mark Manson (of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” fame).

Those 2 books changed my life and are exactly what you need. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet but give it a chance.

2022-01-01T17:53:58+00:00

I used to be that 'nice' guy and am still a good guy, BUT I have changed some things. I won't go back and forth for months, I'll let her know, what my intentions are (dating, relationship etc.). I'd rather get an instant rejection than chat with her for months just to hear 'I found someone else' yk? Focus on yourself, have goals and get your bread right. Don't play games with a woman just to be a 'bad boy', but don't be a boring, nice guy. Just find a balance, be romantic, seducive, but don't do her wrong. I struggled with my first heartbreak, I thought I was the problem generally, when in reality, I wasn't her type, which is fine! I can be someone's 3/10, but another girl's 10/10, right? Trust me, I'm still grateful to the girl, that broke my heart, cause I experienced game man. I was the type of dude to be already loyal to a girl before the relationship even started xD.

Lexi4you · 2022-01-01T18:09:09+00:00

Being nice is NOT a turnoff. Women generally like when a guy is sweet, compassionate and can be gentle. However, the nice guy should also be fairly sexual when the situation requires it (imo). Sometimes being overly “nice” can come off as not liking her sexually - or not having the spark, but you don’t have to be mean, simply confident in sexual moments.

SearchlightS0uL · 2022-01-01T18:10:58+00:00

charlesdickinsideme · 2022-01-01T18:13:19+00:00

Damn y’all need to go out more this thread is so bad lol

amyg36819 · 2022-01-01T18:35:31+00:00

younger me would say ‘no. no way. but he also has to be able to have banter with me. the main thing for me is that our humour has to match.’

a nice guy ~~might~~ will treat me right. nice men are just kinda… boring to me. i have to admit the niceness is wonderful and great but.

it’s not that i hate nice guys and like ‘mean’ guys. but with mean guys our humour usually is the same so i prefer them over nice guys for that reason.

my current boyfriend is amaaaaaazing. some people call him weird but that’s just cause he has controversial views in like everything. he’s nice to me and treats me well and he knows how to have a good time (the sex is great). he really knows how to have a joke. if he takes it too far he knows to apologise, but of course we know a woman will give him a hard time.

with nice guys they never joke around and they don’t do sex at all, which is what makes them boring. like we’re on a date. what are we supposed to talk about? “tell me about your day?”

2022-01-01T20:23:59+00:00

No normal person is good, people equate being good with conforming to the rules which can bland your personality. (somewhat) bad guys go against the grain and in doing so are putting their truest self on display, that boldness is noticed.

Essentially, being nice isn't sexually enticing whereas being (somewhat) bad can be exciting.

DaburuKiruDAYO · 2022-01-02T00:29:04+00:00

They aren’t rejecting you because you’re kind, they’re just trying to soften the blow with a compliment.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	276
Comments	207
Date	December 31, 2021 6:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rszt3e/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1269951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1269951

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