Own Your Shit Weekly - July 09, 2019

threekindsoflucky · 2019-07-09T08:41:24+00:00

OYS 38

Fitness

Still fit, getting fitter. Still hitting the gym up four times a week, but it is getting hard to manage my body between two classes of BJJ and basketball on the weekends. I think I’m starting to overdo it.

BJJ

Doing two classes a week now. They kindly introduced a beginners class on Monday nights. First class was last night. Ran over some more basic techniques far slower than the Thursday class, although there was a lot to it. Practise, practise. Rolling on the Monday class was far worse than the Thursday class. Coach specifically says – take it slow, practise the techniques. All three whitebelts I rolled with went absolutely fucking ham.

One, who was clearly not a beginner, didn’t notice me frantically tapping him when he had my arm locked, and I had to tell the bugger ‘TAP TAP!’. That shit hurt. Other two guys threw their strength around unnecessarily. They got on top of me but managed to put some of the techniques into play and flipped them around.

The purple belt who was helping teach was completely ragdoll, but it actually helped as I could slow down and think about the techniques, which was clearly his goal. What didn’t help is that I was exhausted from trying to stop the three previous whitebelts from ruining me so had expended a lot of unnecessary energy, so my technique was sloppy.

Still love this shit but looking forward to the Thursday class where rolling with higher belts results in me able to think about what I’m doing rather than just fighting for survival.

Relationship

Wife was on her period last week and gave me a couple of blowjobs. There was a good sexual vibe between the two of us last night, so I initiated. She wasn’t keen and offered starfish which I turned down. Happens a bit more often that I would like, but it is what it is. Sex will likely be on the cards tonight.

She said something to me a few weeks back. ‘I find I’m more interested in sex when I know you don’t want it’. Interesting words. Her actions have proven that to be the case as well. I suspect my initiations suck. Standard approach is at bedtime (which I know is against conventional wisdom). She can see it coming a mile off. I’ve tried playing with other times and approaches but haven’t had much success there. Work to be done here.

It does still ‘occasionally’ get to me. Which means I’ve not completely gotten over this hurdle yet. Often, I feel authentically not affected. But occasionally, I get authentically butthurt. I mean you can’t fake that.

Frame

I am not great at breaking things down into theory mostly because theory generally doesn’t interest me. I care for practical. But I’ve had some thoughts on frame that I wanted to expand upon.

It’s been a year, but I feel like I’m starting to wrap my head around frame. Initially, I saw it from a power dynamic perspective. Then I saw it as me holding firm when I’m challenged, deflecting shit tests and recognising comfort tests. I would reprimand myself for ‘losing frame or falling into her frame’. The problem with this way of thinking is it implies that once you ‘lose frame’, you have to build it back up from scratch in a time-consuming process.

I don’t like the word frame. It turns interaction into a battle of frames, and the strongest frame wins. Interactions are not so binary. I’m going to use the word lens instead. When I say lens, I mean the mental lens in which you view the world. Yes, I have just replaced one word with another equally pointless word.

When I’m concerned about what my wife thinks or feels, then I’m seeing life through her lens, or her perspective if you will. You don’t see things for what they are, but rather, how they would be interpreted by another. I can give countless examples, but I don’t want this to be long. You base your decisions on your imagined interpretation. That’s the life of fear.

It’s also expressed as the term ‘mental point of origin’. When you are your own mental point of origin, you interpret the world through your lens and make your decisions based on that.

When frame is described, its always about how you ‘lose frame’ and must work to ‘re-establish frame’, like you’re building a house from the ground up again. A lens, however, is something you can switch between. I mean, call it whatever the fuck you want, honestly. The goal is to live life through your own lens. But you might flick over and start seeing the world in her lens. This isn’t ideal, but you can flick yourself back. You’ve not lost anything. You’ve just flicked your perspective back over.

But threekindsoflucky, what the fuck is the point of all this? The point, for me, is to stop thinking of ‘frame’ as this structure that can be broken down and needs to be rebuilt if you ever fuck up. There is no building up or breaking down. Frame is just an illusion. It’s all bullshit. You either view the world from your perspective (lens) or from hers. The goal when you start isn’t to build some big unfuckable frame. Initially, you want to learn to spend time in your own lens. Then, you want to eventually reside there. Its no longer ‘I better clean those dishes in the sink because ‘she’ will get upset if I don’t. It becomes ‘I don’t care for dirty dishes, I’m going to clean them’. Both sentences have ‘I’ in them, yet only one comes from your lens.

I don’t know if this.. ahem.. reframe… will actually help anybody but me. It’s a pretty rudimentary re-explanation of concepts already well fleshed out by others. But I personally found it a useful exercise.

Betrootjuice · 2019-07-09T09:28:10+00:00

OYS #4, (MRP since early June 2019).

37, wife 33, married 4 years, together 9 years, 1 kid (2yo), another one on the way (2nd month of pregnancy).

Readings

Kept reading the sidebars, key posts and started MMSLP.

Health

Before: 83kg - waist 89cm

Now: 80.2kg - waist 83cm

I used a BF apparatus and it gave me 19%. Not the 15% of the Navy BF.

New this week is that I started with proper get ripped nutrition.

I have better definition, now some vascularity on my forearms.

Wife makes a positive remark on my body every couple of days. For exple, at the public bath: “remove your tshirt and show off your new upper body” and then she strokes my chest.

Relationship

We had a date last Wednesday - a cooking class. She was snappy at the beginning and I then just went my way, talking to people (including women). Not a great moment overall given her behaviour which made me think I should go on fewer dates with her until I am more attractive. I was butthurt at first but it quickly faded (altho I sometimes checked that she was checking me - so still angry obviously).

However, as the week progressed, she was more relaxed around me and did not raise her voice when complaining. The last two days, she did it calmly with the explanation of why another behaviour would be helpful.

She seeks physical contact a lot at the moment. She took my hand while walking outside with our kid. I cannot remember the last time it happened.

We went for a first baby scan and we were happy to see there was a baby with a healthy heart beat.

I am changing, there are obvious signs she is picking up - what is missing is how this is feeding into me being an attractive male for another female. This is where I understood why passive Dread worked. I will soon need social occasions with her to prove I am a worthy male. We have a wedding at the end of July which could be a first such occasions.

Sex

No-fap: I will try again as I understand the benefits. What I’ll do is try to expand by at least one day each non fap period. I did 3 days, next is 4, then 5... until not anymore.

No sex though this week.

I initiated twice and got rejected. I was not butthurt though. First because I thought the worst that could happen was rejection and the best was sex. So better mindset clearly.

Second because I am not escalating my wife during the day. That is becoming so clear in my mind as well. Of course she has not had time to think about sex if she had been busy with chores and the kid.

The lesson from that: I need to game other women to rediscover this skill. Then I will apply it on her. Fortunately, in my co-working space, there are many fit late 20’s, early 30’s girls. I got 3 IOIs this past week.

Mental

Feeling in a good positive mood. People praised me on that.

I am leading more (although from a low base). I am taking charge of meal planning and wherever we go, I am now the one asking questions (at a hotel reception, in a shop, etc)… while I used to delegate that to her. Even if I cannot speak the language properly.

Career

Big interview last week for a great job: I did as well as I could. No regret if nothing comes out of it.

Suddenly, things are perking up: I am asked to write a chapter of a book and to pitch to give lectures at Yale and Columbia Universities (I am based in Switzerland). I did not tell the wife about those. I will if they materialise. I would tell her in the past and nothing would come of it apart from disappointments for both of us.

Mindset

Breakthrough happened in terms of body, of understanding why I should game women and my wife, why passive dread is effective.

It is one thing to read that in books but being confronted to it in real life is vital.

Action points

Achieved last week:

Interviews
Nutrition plan set up

New to do this week:

Starting my language course
Further interviews and job opportunities (as independent)
Working with a career coach to develop my USP
A couple of activities for me (weekday night out and biking with a friend on Saturday)

Conclusion

Breakthrough in MRP understanding.

Wife is a bit nicer.

Be patient.

00Pi · 2019-07-09T16:04:15+00:00

OYS # 15

Relationships

My relationships continue to be a sticky wicket. I have a lot of shit to own in this arena, and when I reflect on it, it's a little disheartening. But I know what to do: keep my nose to the grindstone - lift, sidebar, STFU, and focus on my mission.

I think I'm making progress, but there are still snafus.

On Saturday, I left early to go to the gym. About 20 minutes later my wife called me to come home immediately because Kid1 was having a meltdown. Apparently Babysitter had gone out, too, and when Kid1 woke up and realized that neither I nor Babysitter was there he freaked out and started to have one of his panic attacks. Babysitter came home before I did (I was 10 minutes away) and she found Kid1 hyperventilating in the hallway while my wife had locked herself in the bedroom to avoid him. (His tantrums overwhelm her.)

As soon as we were alone Babysitter went on a rant against my wife. She thinks that I enable her. I fogged and the incident passed without too much drama, but it gave me a lot to think about.

I get that my wife is a reflection of me and that her shortcomings exist because I've allowed them to exist. I also get that I've been a suboptimal husband. What I'm currently trying to figure out for myself is the degree to which I should ignore my wife's "bad" behavior (as I work on my MAP) and the degree to which I should enforce boundaries (and call my wife out on crap).

What bothers Babysitter in particular - and what got me thinking - is my wife's tendency to pit the three kids against each other (she likes to incite conflict - supposedly to "teach them healthy competition,” but I think it’s really because she knows it gets under my skin.) She also has a tendency to negate anything affectionate I might say. (For example if I say “Goodnight, Kid2. I love you,” my wife has to respond with something like, “I highly doubt that, Kid2.” Or “Your father says he loves your brothers, too. How can he love all 3 of you?”) I normally ignore what she says but this bothers Babysitter who thinks my passivity is doing damage to my kids’ psychology.

I don't believe the situation is as bad as Babysitter makes it out to be. Still, enforcing boundaries is a skill I need to practice, so I've been reflecting on what boundaries I'd like to establish, and when I see my wife next I plan to start enforcing them.

I may not be seeing her anytime soon, though. She’s starting her new project, which will most likely require her to work in California (and we don’t live anywhere near there). She’s also still intent on pursuing an expatriate assignment (most likely somewhere in Asia). I’m a little peeved by all this. (I would rather not move to Asia, and it’s difficult to work on our relationship when she’s away 2-3 weeks out of every month). However, I keep reminding myself that my focus should be on my mission. I need to lead myself, and if she wants to follow she will.

Kids

The kids are doing great. At first they were afraid of the ocean, and now I can barely get them out of it. We’ve also been spending a lot of time at a nearby park playing in the banyan trees and Kids 2 & 3 have become more adventurous about climbing things. All three have gotten increasingly open-minded in their eating habits (trying new cuisines and dishes), and screen time has become less of a problem as well. (I used to have to hide my phone and computer to prevent tantrums - now I can leave them out since they’re more interested in doing other stuff.) So far, this trip has been a positive experience for them.

Health

I’m slowly getting back to where I was pre-injury. I still can’t do squats without pain, but my hip is feeling better overall. I’ve been following my rehab routine religiously. My other lifts are more or less back to where I was in April.

Psychologically, things are complicated. I contacted my former therapist. (He’s technically retired but open to working with me on a pro bono basis.) Because I have limited time to work through things (while in the islands), we’ve hit the ground running and I’ve been seeing him multiple times a week. This has put me in a weird head-space - but whatever is dredged up by my therapy is countered by the beauty of my surroundings, so it all evens out. I still can’t tell if all this inner work will eventually be cathartic or not. Right now it sucks.

I’m almost done with reading 48 Laws of Power. Unchained Man is up next on my queue.

Basically, I’m just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. I know I have a long ways to go - and, as I said, sometimes I feel dispirited…but, paradoxically, I also feel strangely empowered and excited: I’m curious to see where this self-work will lead me.

red-sfpplus · 2019-07-09T18:56:06+00:00

Dear Diary -

I did it. I shaved my head. I am now 5'10" 225 with 15% BF and fucking bald as fuck.

15/10 would do again, and pissed I didn't do it before.

If you suffer from MPB, or just wanna look bad AF if you are in shape and can pull it off, scalp that shit and never look back.

electric_dragon1 · 2019-07-09T11:10:39+00:00

OYS #3 (two weeks since last OYS)

Stats: 6’0”, 186 lbs, 39 years old, wife is 43, married 15 years, together 20, two kids ages 9 & 11. Lifting (5x5): 180 BP, 100 OHP, 120 Squat. Bodyfat 16% (Navy method). Sidebar (read): NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, WOTSM. Sidebar (currently reading) RM.

Mission: Have an exciting and fulfilling sex life, become financially independent.

Short term goal in focus: Flat stomach before turning 40.

Fitness: Squats are getting less awkward. I know my legs can do more, but I’m happy to take it slow- using the official 5x5 app to track progress and using it’s recommendations. For a long time I worked on an upper / lower and full body routine split with many more exercises per workout, so 5x5 feels a bit light by comparison, but trusting the process to do it’s work. Back on running now- my injured calves have healed but I’m also being cautious here. Up to 3 mile “runs” (jogging + walking).

Financial: Some progress in this area. Made the not fun but necessary call to move to a cheaper place as part of my effort to increase savings. Move coming up in a few weeks. The new place is about on par with the one we have now but will cut a third off of the money we need to balance the budget.

Startup business: Branding is now in place. Networking and market research to commence soon. My goal is to get to know my potential client base in the area, and to get some feedback so I can really understanding where the gap is for them that my business could fill.

Sex stuff: Sex is inconsistent. Some weeks its x2, others x1, and when she's on the rag or we have company staying with us it can be x0. Those weeks can leave me feeling… depressed. One thing I need to work on is fear of rejection, as that was one of the things (being rejected) that was a constant in my pre-RP days which ultimately led me down a dark Rambo path. As a result I’m finding myself initiating more when I can read the signs that she’d be receptive (her frame). I see it’s not entirely functional, in that I’m not being totally authentic when I choose to initiate. Playing my own devil’s advocate here for a second- I need to get better at gaming and actually creating the conditions for sex more. I need to make sex more consistent in my life.

Reading highlight: “I’m not going to make any friends by pointing this out, but what pisses off most “serial monogamists” is the unspoken regret of having assumed the responsibilities, liabilities and accountability of what monogamy demands before they truly understood, much less realized their personal potentials.” -Rational Male. (Yup… I think about this more often than I would like.)

BostonBrakeJob · 2019-07-09T12:48:21+00:00

Age: 33; Height: 6 foot; Weight: 175; BF: 9.5% ; Wife: 35, (married 12); Children: 3 kids – 6,7 and 10

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG, Rational Male, MMSLP, Way of the Superior Man, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Practical Female Psychology, The Tao of Leadership. Currently reading: 48 laws of power, Extreme Ownership.

Finances

I burned through all of my savings and I was freaking out. In the past, I would have blamed my wife and dumped anxiety on her and acted like a little bitch. I couldn’t ever deal with the weight of financial burdens and would cry to her. This time I felt the same weight, I felt the same anxiety but I decided to be a man and figure it out. I told her about where we were at and what spending would look like for the next month and she was 100% on board. She shit tested me here and there about not having money but I passed.

I want to find some ways to make cash on the side. I won’t be getting a promotion or anything in the near future. I need to make it work with the cash flow I have or make some side cash.

Kids

Kids are at camp for the next 3 weeks. This is the break my wife was looking for. She has been really putting in some serious effort to show her value to the family. Super proud of her to be honest. Kids are doing great and had a good first day at camp. Only complaint was that they were trolling an adult on the bus and wouldn’t give him his seat because they wanted to sit together to avoid sitting with “randos”. I got shit from the wife for teaching them that phrase, lol. Today I taught them about meeting people, being uncomfortable in new situations and learning to adapt. Jocko has a book for kids on how not to be a little bitch and own your shit etc, its been good reading it with my son and teaching him to be a warrior. His push ups and pull ups are getting pretty solid now.

Relationship

Really good week. A switch flipped in my brain last week, I realized I was still afraid of her reactions and words if I pushed too far. My frame still isn’t strong enough, but its improving. I had to internalize the idea that I don’t care if she leaves. TRUE ngaf is frame. I was getting concerned because of the power grabs and her resistance to my “daddy rules”. She shit tested me hard recently and I almost broke frame. “Why do you get to say no to me, but I don’t? Why do I have to have sex whenever you want? Our kids are picking up on your alpha behavior and always fuck with me. They are picking up on your bad behaviors. I am not fucking you during the day anymore, I am too busy. I am not just a piece of meat fuck toy. Blah blah blah”. I held firm “If you don’t like this, I can’t make you stay but this is how I want to fuck. I like to have sex a few times a day, I like to treat you like my slut and fuck your face. I like to treat you like meat. Its fun.”

One night I sighted rule number one and pointed to the wall and she said “Fuck your rules, I didn’t even read them.” I have just been laughing at her and enjoying her silliness. She is accidentally funny, its pretty cute. The night before I didn’t bend to her will and join her frame and decided to do my own thing not being concerned with her emotions or feelings. I get a text “You are a garbage human and I hate you.” I wrote back “Oh yeah, well you are a stinky poopy head.” I see her childish shit and respond with childish shit. I don’t care if she says she hates me, it means nothing. Her feelz go wild at times. The next morning, reset and she immediately apologizes and says she wants to be a good girl today.

I knew she would be horny as fuck last night. She had already showered but was saying “I can’t go to bed with you, I still have to shower.” I knew she was fucking with me and commanded her to go. She refused. I said well, lucky for me I don’t care and I will eat your ass right on this couch. She smiled and said “hehehe, I already showered.” “I want to try and suck the cum out of you OK?” She tried for a bit but I stopped her. Fucked her brains out on the couch. While I was fucking she said “I want you to cum in my mouth.” I commanded her to swallow, but she walked away to spit. I need to keep working on that one. I can’t remember a time where she requested I cum in her mouth… She goes upstairs to get in bed, I follow up 10 mins later. She whines that I made her wait forever and is all ready for me. I jump in bed and both holes are lubed up.

I still can’t believe that all of the sudden she is a butt slut. She has also embraced the title of “my little slut” finally. For me, this is HUGE. I had anal with her maybe 3-5 times in our 12 years of marriage and I only came from it one time, the other times she made me stop from discomfort (her clenching). Now she wants anal pretty much every night. Its super hot to fuck her in the ass and ask her “Where is my dick?” And to have her reply “Its in my ass” and then have her cum seconds later.

I shifted back into the mindset of liking her. Earlier in my journey I started catching feelz again and it backfired. I understand what I did wrong, and recalibrated. I actually do enjoy her, she is fun. I just can’t get comfortable with her or think she is my “friend”. She is just addicted to how I make her feel, but at any moment can turn into agent Smith. I give her the good feelz, security and connection she provides some nice wet holes for me to fuck. I think we are good with the arrangement, she is starting to get how this works.

mrpintraining · 2019-07-09T16:13:42+00:00

OYS #6

Week 13 of MRP

42 yo, 6’2”, 190lbs, 14%BF (Navy), Wife 41, Married 19 years, together 25 years, two kids 10 and 14.

Lifts (Calculated 1RM) 285SQ 380DL 240BP 145OHP

Mission/Reading/Etc:

No way around it, I’ve been coasting on this. Going on vacation soon for a couple of weeks which I hope I can use as a general reset. I’ve done better not wasting time reading everything on reddit but I’ve neglected the theory/intellectual side of things for sure.

Physical:

Goal: 10% BF so I can lean bulk.

Lifts have plateaued a bit, but I'm grinding it out in the weight room and at kickboxing + krav twice a week. I don’t know if it was adrenaline or what but I rocked out my DL last session so that went up way up. One issue though is my shoulders hurt like hell all the time now. Looking forward to deloading next week. Haven’t had one since I started lifting heavy again 14 weeks ago. Looking forward also to finishing this cut so I can start rebuilding and hopefully see the lifts go up.

Diet wise I spent last three weeks a little less than maintenance but wasn't really strict. Had a couple 3600+ calorie days over the weekend and holiday, drank like a fish, and still managed to settle down into my new set point of 190 which is where I got via PSMF. Going to be a little more strict these next few weeks and see if I can’t get down to 185 which should put me close to my bodyfat goal. I continue to look leaner and better each week and it’s the best I’ve ever looked. If I could fix the shoulder issues I’d feel great.

Household:

Much better couple of weeks taking care of shit that needed to be done. Was crazy busy with work so didn’t get everything done but still much better.

Social:

Went out several times these past couple weeks both with the wife and by myself. Introduced myself to more people at gym and KM class. I like the attention I get from women now.

Relationship/Sex:

Goal: Sex 3x/week

So good and bad. First the good: walked in one morning 5 minutes before she was to leave for work, I didn't say anything, just dropped my pants and got a very enthusiastic hand job (she didn't want to ruin the makeup she just put on haha). Rest of that week she was battling migraines but over the weekend she felt a bit better and we had a very simple but hot session. Ovulation fuck for sure but damn, especially since she’d been so sick the previous few days. Started with her usual mouth noises, "take it slow, don't hurt me." As is normal lately she was all over my body and she grabbed my hips and started forcing me to rail her. As I pounded her into the bed she grabbed my butt and she came, and kept cumming for over a minute at least continuously. She can cum from PIV for sure but that's the first time that has happened continuously like that. It was fun as hell to hear and watch. As I started to climax she started spanking my ass really hard, which I didn’t really mind honestly. After reading some things here I'm wondering if she wants me to do that to her. I've been hesitant to really rough her up but I think I'm going to try it next time things are that hot. She was a perfect little girl the next couple of days after that dicking.

Now the bad...she woke up a few mornings later with a UTI. This has been a problem the last few years, and has of course hampered our sex life. We're pretty fastidious about being clean and her peeing and washing right after, but damn if it doesn't still happen every couple of months, and usually after epic rough sex. I mean I've had them and it's pretty fucking miserable so I don't blame her being gun shy about sex because of it. Put a damper on a night we were still flirting about days later. Her doc gave her something to take before and after sex that should help so hopefully it won’t be as big a deal as it has been, but she’s been down for the count the past week. I’ve been keeping up the gaming regardless.

primordialawe · 2019-07-09T09:31:00+00:00

Stats: 36, 6'2", 217lbs , 20%bf, wife 35, married 10yrs, together 16. Three kids 1,5,7. Bench: 260, Dead:320, Squat: Mid 200s?, Press: 200. MMA 3-4X/week.

Read: NMMG, MMSLP, Book of pook, Sidebar blogs/top posts, TWOTSM, 48 laws of power, Mindful attraction plan

In progress: WISNIFG, Guide to the good life (Audiobook... should just be a long article...), select posts on leadership, stuff by /u/inchargeman and other MRP content

The more I get into WISNIFG.... holy fuck. I wish I would have read this book 25 years ago. It's dense and I'm taking notes on it, so it's taking a while, but what an amazing resource.

Background: OYS #1 here

Physical: Trying to drop body fat. Weight is more or less the same which is fine with me as of right now considering the dietary changes I've made (upping cals, protein, carbs). 217# now looks better than 217# did 3 weeks ago. I'm going to give this another 2 weeks and then start adjusting cals back down if I don't see some scale movement. I used TDEE to calculate what I should get as a "sedentary" person with the assumption I'd burn off ~500 cals/day through exercise and/or my daily activities. My performance in the gym, intensity in MMA, and physical appearance all improved. BF% says it's the same, but it's that stupid ass navy method which is annoying. I've got to get my hands on a real measurement tool.

I need to sleep more. I'm getting 5-5.5hrs a night, slamming a bunch of caffeine, hitting the gym, then riding that wave until mid-afternoon when I usually have some coffee, especially if I'm training at night. I think this schedule burned me out a few weeks ago. Between day job, side gig, kids and getting shit done around the house, sleep takes a back seat. Shit, I could be sleeping right now while I'm typing this...

Mental: After /u/itiswr1tten put me under the microscope last week with a spot-on analysis, I did some thinking about my actual goals mentally. I want to continue transitioning into a dominant, fun man in all aspects of my life.

When I look at different areas, the space is right there for the taking, I just need to step the fuck up and do it. Looking specifically at leadership (which there appears to be some debate on, but I'll consider "taking the lead/owning the shit in my realm" leadership) and frame and how I can improve those.

I started with reading some more on each of them, refreshing myself on the classic frame posts
Practiced being mindful of opportunities to get in "reps" for each in small interactions every day. Whether it was dealing with one of my kids, opening strangers in the elevator every day or in a conversation with my wife.
I'm treating it like the gym and working the muscle as much as I can. Noticing little times I would normally "downshift" when I could dig a little deeper in myself to shift the conversation or situation in a way that is better for me
Seeing positive results so far. The momentum is addictive when I can see things taking shape.
Started meditating in the sauna instead of reading my phone or listening to something

Not all roses though. Still had a day where I wasn't feeling well. I was anxious for no singular reason. I think I was tired that morning, had too much caffeiene Pre-WO and feeling kind of worn down. Wife asked "Hey, what's going on?" Because she can tell when I'm not my normal fun self. Lately, I'd try to stonewall that shit, say "nothing" and move along. But because she knows it's not "nothing" she either pokes a couple more times throughout the day until I vomit, or she tries to warm me up a bit and then, after no success, goes cold too.

My thought process at that exact moment was "I'm a fucking human being, not a robot. If she has a problem with me dealing with part of a human existence and taking care of myself, then I don't give a fuck and she can fuck off." Instead of "nothing" I said, "I don't feel good right now and I'm handling it. I don't need anything from you, I want to keep moving along and I'll be fine in a bit." Clearly, not letting that shit (whatever it was) get to me in the first place would be primary, but being straight and radically honest with what I had going on felt way better than bottling it up because I didn't want to "show weakness".

I didn't have the mental energy to AA or AM or whatever other acronym I could have been doing at the time. Either way, compared to putting my head down and pretending like nothing was wrong, this was way better. We went about our day, I ended up being cool and brought the rest of the gang along with me.

Maybe I fucked up, maybe I didn't, maybe this was operating in her frame because I answered a question, maybe it all doesn't matter, but it worked better than shit I did in the past (some beta needy shit or lie to everyone and myself). I did have sex that night for those of you with that measuring stick.

Career/Finances: Job elevation plan is still underway. I really want this opportunity to work out, but I'm going to make contingency plans, just in case. I have to keep smashing things in front of me and not get distracted by the potential that's on the horizon and lose sight of what got me the opportunity.

Had another potential frame-buster moment when discussing my financial takeover. In short, I mentioned a move I want to make, she flipped for a minute. I let her run her course and said not a whole lot more than "Thanks. I value your input". What could have been a day-ruining fight was disarmed pretty quickly and ended up with her apologizing multiple times.

Relationship: We like each other still. I have not talked about fight club. Made a special effort to AA to a ridiculous extent when asked questions that have real answers. Working on getting more dominant/immersed during sex. Things are decent, but I want them to get better. I'm slow playing this to build momentum, DGAF and get the other areas of my life in order enough that it falls into place more naturally. I was getting nervous around it, and am working on killing that.

Goals:

10% BF
Finish up 2 more rounds of 5/3/1 BBB
Continue implementing financial management plan I've laid out
Increase salary by 50% over the next 4 years (stretch goal of 2)
Continue transitioning into a dominant, fun man in all aspects of my life.

WhiteNight200 · 2019-07-09T11:27:40+00:00

OYS #10: Back to the Grindstone (Discovered MRP 3/11/19)

Stats: 34yo, 5'9", 180lbs., BF <19% (Navy) (need to update)

SQ: 165 5x5 (deloaded)

BP: 125 5x5 (deloaded)

BR: 130 5x5 (deloaded)

OHP: 105 5x5 (to deload this week)

DL: 235 1x5 (to deload)

Chin-ups: 6RM

Mission

Be the best captain I can be. Lead myself and my family to a life of fulfillment and abundance. Exercise righteous dominion. Refuse to apologize for acting in my own self-interest.

Study

Finished MMSLP, MAP, NMMNG, Rational Male Year One Highlights, 16 Commandments, all posts on MormonRedPill subreddit, popular posts on MRP, BPP's YouTube videos, WISNIFG, TRP Sidebar. 1/3 Pook. 1/3 Bang. 1/3 SGM.

Almost finished Way of the Superior Man. Halfway through The Fountainhead.

Physical

Recovery from surgery has kept me out of the gym for the last two weeks. I PR'ed on everything at my last session at the gym beforehand. I've stuck to chin-ups and push-ups at home to maintain upper body as much as I can.

I took advice and deloaded 20% for squats, OHP, and DL. Deloaded BP and BR 10%.

Weight is still coming down slowly. Again, I'm not going to over-think this. I'm barely halfway through my first six months of lifting. I'll let the noob gains continue for the next three months and then start worrying about recomposition.

Career

No changes.

Financial

No changes.

Personal/Leadership:

It's a lot easier for me to say no now. I don't get caught up in the pressure and manipulation like I used to. If I don't want to do it, I don't.

It's also easier to say yes appropriately, with "That's a good idea" or "I'll take care of it."

As I've stated previously, vision and ambition do not come to me easily. I admit that one of the things that attracted me to MRP was the structure: the Sidebar reading, 12 Levels of Dread, et cetera. I guess I like systems when I don't have to come up with them myself. But that will only get me so far. (And rote systems don't work very well in the bedroom.)

In order to become who I want to be, I've got to be the Visionary, the one with the plan, the one who sees the outcome he wants and knows and takes all the steps to get there.

I need to set apart time every week to focus exclusively on this.

Family

Not much alone time with the boys due to recovery, but I still had some good time with them while I wasn't working.

Our plans for the Fourth were cancelled last minute by our friends. We were still able to go out to dinner as a family.

Marriage

Wife was supportive for surgery and afterward. Things were going fairly well until the Fourth when our plans with friends were cancelled. She hates it when we don't do something special for holidays, and it'll set her off for days. I've been better about this recently, but my being stuck at home really messed with this.

I tried to apply some of WOTSM's outlook when she went sour, with extra positivity and playfulness, but she wouldn't have it. I kissed her on the forehead and went about my business.

Sex once when she was ovulating. Kept things gentle for obvious reasons.

Looking back, I'm seeing more and more how sexually repressed she is. I'm more skeptical than ever about how much she'll improve when the 1000' line goes tight.

She wants more kids. (I do, too, but not with our relationship the way it is. Another drought of 18 months would effectively kill it. Even if we adopted, that's still adding more weight to a ship that's barely staying afloat. I'm not going to bring more children into this environment where the marriage is so unstable.) I deflected and STFU because my vision is not clear on how I want to deal with this. Plus the idea of having more kids has covert contracts written all over it right now.

Still letting out that 1000' rope. Getting back to Dread Level 3.

Goals for the next month

Finish the Fountainhead and WOTSM.

Get back into SL5X5 3/week and chin-ups. 1860 calories and 120g protein a day. Maintain upper body and ease back in to my former weights.

Stay on budget. Pay off medical bills and then back to extra $2K toward student loans every month.

Have fun with everyone. Find satisfaction in what I accomplish.

Take care of the kids and get my wife out of the house once this week, before bedtime.

Be the father figure. Be the Oak. Continue to STFU while recognizing Tests. Fog, NA, NI. Don't DEER. Game and initiate. Respond to rejection with OI and get out. Reward good sex when it comes.

PillUpAss · 2019-07-09T12:13:38+00:00

OYS #13

BACKGROUND

39, 6' 2" 192.9 lbs, BF < 10%. (SL 5x5): SQ 240 , DL 295, BP 195, OHP 139, BR 160. RP 20 months. Kids 10, 12. Wife 41, together 15 years.

THE STATE OF MY SHIP

After my previous OYS (Frame Week), PIV sex came back immediately, first time in 18+ mo. BJs went from 3x/week before last week to 6x this week and I know I could have had more of anything if I wanted it. In fact, her dread and fear were so high she told me she'd do anything I say. The thing is, it's all still 100% dread and still 100% duty - that's not going to work long term.

The responsibility that comes with having frame is now you have to lead you wife or kick her off your ship. As long as I'm seeing progress, I'm willing to keep my first mate. It's like developing an employee, I can work with someone who is coachable and it appears I've fixed that problem now.

The other side of having frame is you CAN be overt. You avoid this early in MRP is because you are a pussy then who will get walked all over. But later in the journey, being overt is really the best way to convey needs and wants. A captain doesn't covertly give orders, they are spoken to the first mate and then shouted to the crew. He also doesn't covertly discuss strategy, it is openly discussed in his cabin with his officers.

So being overt has helped me to guide my wife away from very dark places last week put her into. I was careful not to sink into comfort quicksand, but comfort was given because her mental problems are largely focused on herself (not me). Throughout the week, I've lead her to a happier, more secure place, which has opened up communication on our sex life. I'm learning things I never knew about this woman. Basically "Every unhappy wife is a rape victim" for her whole adult life.

Having a better understanding now, I can see I'll be able to lead her past that. Most importantly, I need to maintain my own frame and keep the focus on myself as well.

PHYSICAL

I'm frustrated with the lack of results I'm getting physically - they have been good but I'm plateauing again and my energy has been down. I tested T: 334 with 19 free. Fuck. That's right above the threshold where I planned to natrually try to raise it (325+) vs TRT. I could go to TRT, but I don't like being teathered to a needle for the rest of my life. Plus what if supply becomes scarce? What happenes if you stop cold turkey? Will look into natural methods to raise T and get a retest in 2 months. If I'm not above 400 at that time, I'll look into TRT in more detail.

Started reading Leangains. May switch to that from a modified 5x5 / IF / 2800 cal / day (35% protein / 35% fat / 30% carbs) diet.

MENTAL

Finished the D/s book. Takeaways are:

(1) Again, being overt can be effective in the right situation.

(2) While D/s isn't fully my thing (I don't give a fuck about telling a woman when to get a glass of water or to stretch her back etc., it does nothing for me - or maybe I still don't understand it), I like certain elements of it: power exchange, ensuring needs are met, being comfortable with being open with your partner to help improve the relationship, having a contract, etc. I'll be incorporating these into my life where they can help.

(3) D/s sex appears to be great because of the power exchange. Need to look into these dynamics further.

THIS WEEK

*Finish Leangains book, decide if I'm going to reset on program.

*Research and implement natural methods of raising T.

*Research additional D/s material.

*Create an outline of the relationship I want.

*Have some fun - work is going well and the kids are having a great summer.

WIDPMMITG · 2019-07-09T14:07:50+00:00

OYS 1

First post, been lurking for a bit, finally created an account and subbed.

I'm 36, wife 37, 4 young kids, been married 13 years to my college sweetheart. I can tell there is an incredible amount of work ahead of me.

Fitness

I've always maintained in moderate shape. Definitely go through cycles where I hit the gym religiously for months, but always gets thrown off course when we have a new kid. The latest (4 months old) threw me off my game, but got back in the gym Sunday night, so I've got a course there, and will lift 2 more times this week. Certainly have work to do in order to get to target fitness. BF % 18, up from 14% normally. Probably my biggest area to work on, even when I'm in normal shape is building enough muscle. I tend to run on the smaller side, ~160 lb on a 6'0" frame.

Career

Life is pretty good on this front, make enough to maintain two 5 bedroom residences and support the family without stretching the budget and while allowing the wife to be a SAHM. Recently moved to a new job and and some interesting new challenges. I can probably do more in terms of planning out the rest of my career. I have an idea of the end state, but haven't thought much about the interim steps to get there, been primarily floating opportunistically to each new role based on its individual merits, but never fitting it into a bigger picture. Had a minor setback last week, trying not to let it get to me mentally.

Sex

Pretty much non-existent. We go for months at a time sometimes without being intimate. It's a strange scenario as I'd consider both of us to be very attractive people, especially for our age. I've had problems with lower libido earlier in the marriage, which someone ended up spiraling into ED issues - probably 50%+ of the time, which definitely has had an impact on our quality, interest, etc. Obviously we've been able to make it work enough to produce 4 children, but we're on a pretty bad course right now. I am finally trying to resolve my physical issues by seeing a doctor and getting my testosterone levels checked, have a blood test on Friday, so will learn more in the coming weeks.

When we do have sex, and things are working, it's fair - I can pretty much do whatever I want with her - the only thing that really irks me is, unless she is drunk, she refuses to open mouth kiss me. We've talked about it and she says she doesn't like the way I kiss.

Relationship

Hoo boy. Obviously the lack of sex has an impact, but in addition to that, the wife frequently berates me for not performing requested tasks up to her expectations, forgetting to do things, not listening to her and forgetting things she's said/we've talked about, etc. There is a lot of contempt from her to me, and she frequently points out that she thinks I am stupid. She is quite smart herself, high education at good schools, had a great career before dropping it to stay at home - and I'm sure she feels she could have done even better in the workforce than I have.

She frequently talks about getting a divorce, but she doesn't want to until the last kid is in kindergarten (so she can work). She's even looked up how much alimony she would get and I'm here to tell you, I would be pretty pissed off to have to pay her that amount.

We are at our best when we are just having fun and not talking about serious life matters. She has a terrific sense of humor that matches mine and, when the everyday issues fade into the background, we have a great time together. I have a great relationship with her family, and feel as close to her parents and siblings as to my own. She is a great mom and a diligent person. She is ethical and a genuinely good person, looking out for others. Somehow a lot of that doesn't get reflected in my direction.

Actions for this week

Finish reading NMMNG
Take care of childbirth medical bills
Lift 2 more times
Take blood test
Take car in for repairs

Smuggler-Tuek · 2019-07-09T14:29:51+00:00

OYS WEEK 8

Age: 30

Married, twin 2 year old boys

Physical:

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 147lb

Workout: 531 BBB

1RM: SQUAT: 265LB; BENCH; 182.5LB; DEAD LIFT: 228.5LB; SHOULDER PRESS: 156.5LB

Drinking water like crazy, it has helped. I got a water bottle on amazon that holds a gallon so I can just keep it with me all day which has been difficult previously because I'm always on the road. In deload week now so numbers will increase next week except for shoulder press. I struggled really hard with it and feel like I will ultimately not be able to complete the workouts if I move up. Frustrating because shoulder press is my favorite but oh well.

Reading:

Took a break and read Children of Dune this past week. Was nice to read something just for fun. Helps me not get so burnt out.

Career:

Keeping up with the workload has been challenging but rewarding. So far so good, going to try and continue the momentum I have set in motion.

Relationship:

Wife and I have done great this week. Went on a lunch date last week when we were both off and the boys were in daycare. This past week we were probably the closest we have been in a long time. It was pretty easy going, friendly, flirty, and all around fun. I have been in a much better mood overall and have been enjoying life more than I have in a long time. I have hobbies, projects I'm completing, and I haven't really been bothered by too much (I've been trying really hard to be more patient and STFU when I want to have an outburst over stupid shit) and I think this has had a really positive impact on her.

Here's my biggest issue this week though, my libido has taken a nose dive. I don't know wtf happened. I don't watch porn or anything. When she initiates I can still do it, but I just can't seem to get my head into the mindset right now. It's like I am just not interested most of the time. Should I see my doctor and get a check up to make sure there's not an imbalance? Is there anything I can do to increase my libido? What a cruel joke that my wife is now the most sexually available she has ever been and I'm not.

Social:

Turned off facebook. I found it absorbing large amounts of my day and it was never positive. I never feel good after browsing facebook. I find that cultivating and growing friendships has to be much more purposeful now. I am reaching out to friends specifically. Texting them, engaging with them, it feels so much more personal. I am also able to invest in friendships I want without feeling like I'm bound to these other relationships that have been bad for me. It's surprising how much more independent I feel when I am able to live my life without constantly seeing everyone else's thrown in my face. I don't feel on display for the world, I am able to just live my life and not worry about what other people think of some stupid picture of me that was posted. It sucks that it would bother me so much but I am hoping without it in my life my self worth will continue to go up.

Mission:

Continue to increase my self worth and independence. This week a was a big step in the right direction. I kind of wish I could just pack up and move away so I could start over with my family and not face all of these relationships based on who I used to be. I feel like that thought alone is proof enough I haven't finished my mission. I still deep down want to be seen a certain way by people. I want them to see me as independent, which is fucking stupid and self-defeating.

Art_Martin · 2019-07-09T23:10:04+00:00

OYS 10.

Found RP Feb 19

Age: 38 Wife 38. Together approx 20 years. 3 kids 10,8,6. Height 6’0’. Weight 185(+0). Bench 175 x 6.

Read

The way of the superior man

WISNIFG

Rationale Male

Saving a low sex marriage

MMSLP

Mindful Apptraction Plan

Practical Female psycvhology

Attraction isn’t a choice

The Game

Ironwood collection of alpha moves

Models

NMMNG

Reading

Captivate

How to talk to anyone

(just started)– Sex god method- only really starting to see value reading this now.

Social

Had my first real social ‘test’ on the weekend.

One of the triggers for my self improvement, which led me to finding RP a month later, was a multi day social event with my wifes extended group of friends where I didn’t want to go, whinged like a bitch for a week before, made no effort while I was there, followed the wife around like a fucking pussy and just generally had a shit time. I had been betaised into introversion so much that I was borderline depressed. I had no life, and no way of getting my own life and my own needs met – even though it was all out there – heaps of my friends I never saw, hobbies and sports I can do but never got the chance etc - This culminated in my wife telling me she was embarrassed by me, had lost my self respect, wasn’t sure she loved me etc etc Obviously a culmination of things over time but this was the final straw. I am generally okay with her friends, but these multi day events were next level and particularly challenging(my thoughts at the time)

So last weekend was a multi day social event with the same group – the first one since RP. It was my first social test.

I basically did everything the exact opposite of last time. What a difference! Banter with the wives/bit of light negging now instead of boring logistics (kids, weather blahblah), more joking with the men. I didn’t overdo it, but I reckon there would have been a few comments, there was something a bit different about that Art_Martin. I’m enthusiastic now about the next one…

Even my wife commented on the way home that you seemed to have had a really good time(she wasn’t worried I would be like last time because she has seen how much I’ve changed, but she did remember acutely how bad it was). Old me would have DEERED or seeked validation that 'daddy did good'. I don’t need validation or to DEER about how much better I was, and how I did this and that. I just responded that ‘I had a great time and I’m looking forward to the next one’. Wife was so chuffed that she even asked the kids to thank me for driving them home(like wtf, that’s never happened and I note it because it's so odd).

You guys say don’t judge your progress on how others perceive you, but I saw how different I was was as a person in the last 6 months. I have come a way. I recognised early on in my RP journey how I was a different person in different group and that related to my inhibitions. Some groups i'm the life of the party(my friends), some groups I'm dominant(my team at work), some groups I'm(was) shit and boring( my wifes friends), and some groups I'm submissive(management conventions etc). I'm working to amalgamate that into one solid high value person and that's the heart of my mission.

Still on Dread level 3-4

Children

I tried something different with my daughter for the first time who has a bit of anxiety, cries at the drop of a hat etc. I normally try and solve her problems actively because I want to make it better. This time I just sat and listened and sympathised, after a few minutes she was fine and moved on. I might have got the same outcome if I solved the problem, but she self soothed without the problem being solved, rather than me soothing her by solving the problem. I thought that was interesting.

Lifting

Newb gains are finished and the grind begins. I like the grind though and look forward to it. Still 3-4x a week dialled in.

Relationship

Sex 2x this week and essentially on demand. This is new.

When I first started(first few months), I Iaid on too much active dread. It sent her crazy jealous, but it sent her to a place where she was pushing away from me and could have very nearly ended the relationship.

I stopped that, and in the last month or so have internalised some RP characteristics that have a really strong impact on my wife and I can tell she’s feeling the dread hard. It all feels very similar to the early stages, but now though, her response is to try and please me rather than pull away. I have got comfortable letting her hamster spin on dread, as I believe she needs that to value me as a husband. I’ll be honest and say I don’t like that she is feeling that I’m not as attracted to her, I could be cheating, I get attention from other girls etcetc but she needs that undercurrent to be attracted to me. WISNIFG has been invaluable in providing the tools to handle the questions around cheating and slow loss of attraction in a way that neither confirms not denies, and allows my wife to draw her own conclusions(or at least spin the hamster in her mind).

With regards to the sex, It’s still dread based sex rather than true desire though, and there is no underlying uptake in affection and enthusiasm. She seems willing to submit when I want, and will now initiate at night If I said in the morning I was going to have her at night when the kids go to bed(previously she’d ignore or often deny, or wait for me to initiate) – but she is not an active partner. That impacts my thought processes to the point I’m losing a bit of interest in sex and not as hard or enthusiastic during – the libido is lower. Interestingly, this has added to the dread as she thinks I’m not attracted to her because I’m not as sexually enthusiastic. This doesn’t sit right with me as a man and I’m hoping this is just a phase(edit- just read u/man_in_the_worlds recent comment in this OYS that a libido loss is normal when you are rewriting your attitude towards sex). I know I want her to be the wife who wants to please me because of desire, and I'm going to start working on leading her there.

One area that is also becoming apparent is that I have to be not needy and in my frame 100% of the time – or she comes back hard – like any weakness or vulnerability at all – even a beta hug – I’ll get a shit test within an hour if I hug her every time – even after going days or weeks without any shit tests. I knew this early on, but I didn’t realise how it had to be 100%. In my first few months I was hit and miss and I think that’s why my gains were so slow with the wife. Only in the last month have I been on point 99% of the time. That last 1% when you've been so beta for so long is something I am trying hard to work on but takes a lot of mental energy…I’m hoping this is not a long term thing, but if it is, so be it. I have a sexually interested and compliant wife right now who by-and-large doesn’t harp when I do what I want (I was about to use the word ‘lets me do what I want’ –beta traits are just under the surface). Don't get me wrong, I'm doing me, and I'm not affected by her moods. But it is an interesting dynamic to see in person - and gives me an interesting perspective on how she has probably seen me the last 20 years.

[deleted] · 2019-07-11T20:36:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

frozenpond · 2019-07-09T10:38:40+00:00

OYS #11 7/9/19

First OYS on 3/12/19

Stats: 6’2”, 200lbs, 39 years old, wife 40, married 7 together 9, 2 kids. Lifts: 215 lbs bench is my 5 rep max, 255lbs squat 2 rep max Read: Sidebar books and more. Bodyfat, Navy : 12%, Calipers 8%.

Last 2 weeks: I feel like I’m stalling a little. At a crossroads, the low hanging fruit has been picked. For a few weeks there I was getting really enthusiastic frequent sex, 4 days in a row on 2 occasions in June…now it’s slipping back to every other day. I don’t like it. I’m finding it hard to keep gaming her interest to be compliant every time I want it. She’s not outright denying me but it just takes more effort on my end to keep things fresh and exciting and to get her turned on. I’m probably thinking too much as usual.

I’m still lifting and eating and reading and doing the work. And I’m conscious of when I slip into beta behaviors…I don’t complain like I used to before MRP and I catch myself when I’m talking about topics she’s not interested in and starting to bore her. But I lack some excitement maybe?

She is pretty compliant. I just have to really push for it. I guess that’s just how it is?

I’m either stuck or impatient.

I read a post on here a while ago and I can’t find it now…it mentioned emotional labor and how some people get and feed off the energy of some people and others drain their energy because dealing with them is emotional labor. I feel like my sexual needs are still a form of emotional labor for my wife. Maybe not every time, but she knows that if she isn’t having sex that I am going to be unsatisfied, so there is pressure/tension for her. I feel like if I do 10 things strongly and one thing weakly, she is reminded of the years of beta behavior and we’re right back there. I still feel that the underlying dynamic to our sexual relationship is me wanting it and her providing it and I want that completely broken. She provides it more frequently now and enjoys it more now, but the power dynamic has not been fully broken. When I can sense that she is just checking boxes by having sex with me it makes me angry still. I can’t believe I still get this frustrated.

This is a sticking point for me, it’s really hard for me to conceptualize how not to be emotional labor for my wife. I’ve gotten better but so far away from all the way there.

I know plate spinning would solve this problem instantly, she would no longer be my only source for sex, and it would completely destroy this dynamic. I am not interested in going that route at this time though.

CrazyLemonLover · 2019-07-09T12:26:54+00:00

OYS huh.... #1

Been digging through MRP for about two weeks now, started on the reading list, making a plan...

Currently: 25 married to 24. 6'3" 184 lbs. Married a couple months, together for 6 years. No idea what my max lifts are.

Reading: working on NMMNG

Background: I'm young. Younger than most of the guys on here. But I was disgusted with myself and how I acted, and dissatisfied with life. Started digging through reddit, found this sub, read, read some more. Started reading more. Bought a book and a gym pass. Started paying attention to my life.

This week: Took a roadtrip to a different state to see our combined families. 5 hours one way of hamster. Sometimes I don't think women know how to not talk. At one point she asked if I was listening. I said no. She got mad, I laughed a bit. It's an old argument between us. She knows I won't pay attention to her hamster for 5 hours. And it's not like I give input back anyways. I used to try and engage, but it would piss me off. So I stopped.

Started my lifting program. SL 5x5. Wife wants to go to the gym too. I said okay, but I'm gonna do me, you do you. It worked. I didn't see her for 40 minutes, and if she wants to get better looking, I'm game. Current lift weights are sad, but I haven't worked out in 7 years, so what do I expect.

I picked up an instrument, so there is that. Controlling a masturbation habit is more work than I thought, but not impossible. Down to once a day, then nothing yesterday. Don't really feel any better or worse. Just a bit more pent up.

With that, I stopped initiating sex. It was bad, boring, and infrequent for the last few years. This week, I said fuck it. I teased her, sent her pictures of me out of the shower, smacked her ass, kissed her hard. But I never tried for sex. She on the other hand, had initiated 4 days in a row so far. Don't know WTF is going on there.

DEERing to much, but getting it under control. STFU is lucky a strong suit of mine. I think my dad ingrained it into my very being. Though he never did it... a lot to unpack there. Side note: do not ingrain STFU into your kids. I took it as STFU in every situation. It made me a social beta in every way. Fucked me up socially until I got to the point to realize I didn't have to be quiet with everyone, and if I want to speak my mind, well fuck, I can. Just don't engage the wife.

Goals: finish NMMNG, pick a new book. (Suggestions?) Work out harder. Bulk up, and make sure to eat enough to fuel the workouts. Build up an active social life outside of my wife, and encourage her to do so. She has none, and the codependency is sucking the life from me....

Career: finish school. Start a career. Keep working 40 hours at shitty fast food job until school is over. Just 2 more years.

Finances: finally got credit cards paid off. No more debt Besides student loans and car. Manageable. Need a cheaper apartment so I can save more for a down payment. Put a stop to impulse buying and make sure unnecessary subscriptions get canceled.

Nothing else to say I guess. Have a good week and I'll be back.

HornsOfApathy · 2019-07-09T13:07:47+00:00

OYS #34

MRP journey is 11.5 months now.

37 yo, 6’0, 164lbs, 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 2 & 12

265SQ / 265DL / 155BP
Read everything on the sidebar, reread as necessary.

LIFTING

Just installed the new home gym powerrack this last week. It’s super convenient to lift at home, but I enjoy the gym more. Having a home gym now allows me to go do other activities at night other than lifting. I still have numbness in the left hand/fingers that is gradually going away after 3 weeks. I’ve been doing higher reps at lower weight as not to pinch the nerve and recover. It’s working OK. Currently lifting 4x week as usual.

FAMILY

Great improvement in this area. Son now has a summer schedule that includes outdoors time, exercise (pushups/situps/pullups/run), chores, responsibilities and lots of free time. My 12yo son mowed the grass for the first time this weekend. He got upset because it was hot and he “felt like puking”. I just told him to take a break as long as he wanted, grabbed him a water bottle and he chilled for a bit then finished the job. Before I might have rescued him and done it myself. Not this time. His BP days at my house are over.

Took son to the driving range for fun. Lots of laughs. Afterwards he said, “Thanks for taking me, Dad, I had a lot of fun.” First time I’ve gotten a thankyou in a very long time from anyone in the family. It was very nice. I’m also teaching my son to play chess and he looks forward to it everynight because it’s time with just the two of us. I am trying to spend at least 20 minutes per day with each kid giving them my undivided attention away from everything. It’s only been about 2 weeks but I can see a major difference already. I really do love my kids.

RELATIONSHIP

I was starting to get judgmental and angry at the wife again due to her lack of meeting my needs when I’ve clearly not mastered the art of DNGAF because when I go more than a 3 days without sex while still initiating I start to go down a self-destructive road where I just want to blow this shit up and say fuck you. My SMV is much higher. I’m fun. I’m engaging. But I am not where I want to be in this relationship and realize it will take more time to get there.

Therefore, I’ve chosen to give it 3 months of getting out of my own fucking head, giving this 100%, putting my head down and soldiering on. At the end of those 3 months I’ll restock and evaluate where things are. Am I in a better place? Is she? Is the relationship? It won’t be a decision point – but rather an evaluation. I think this needs more time.

It was shark week, and she complied with 3 BJ’s, which is good. However, she did send me on a business trip this week with full balls after rejecting me. Oh well. That’s really going to suck for her hamster while I’m gone. She’ll be ovulating when I’m back so we shall see what happens.

I was starting to dislike my wife again, but realized I’m just mad at myself and having self-destructive behaviors wanting to blow it all up.

We were at a very very very good spot about a month ago and I turned off the dread mostly and refocused my efforts on building the emotional connection with my wife. While that worked, and the rope tightened significantly in all other areas, sex dwindled a bit. She still gives enthusiastic sex and BJs if I lead her to do so, but has lacked the dread sex drive that is fun. Frequency is also down to levels I am not happy with.

So yea folks, I’m just over here threading the needle day in and day out.

Hardest mental thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

CAREER

Doing OK. Had job interview last week and should hear something early this week on it. Not getting my hopes up but it’s a large pay increase. If it doesn’t pan out that’s fine.

SOCIAL

Plan on joining a coed sports team with my wife. I think it’d be good to get active together. She likes the idea, just need to arrange childcare at this point. It’s a sport she is good at so I am hoping it instills some more social confidence in her. I’m obviously excited to join the team as well, but very happy I found another way to lead.

SPIRITUAL

I’m doing alright in this area, but need to spend more time by myself and reading material. I’m traveling this week so I’ll have a good opportunity to do so and get back in that groove. I’ve slacked a bit in the last few weeks on keeping sharp with my reading mostly due to lack of content I haven’t gone through at least twice on the sidebar.

SUMMARY

Relationship with the family unit is starting to gel. Everyone is contributing. Wife continues to step up her wife game, but not her girlfriend game. I get discouraged that she sucks at sex and flirting. It will get better with time. I’m threading the needle daily on many fronts of leadership. Trying to remain OI yet the setbacks sometimes get to me. Haven’t showed butthurt in a long time, but the feeling of butthurt has changed into a feeling of apathy. That’s a good thing in my mind.

weakandsensitive · 2019-07-09T13:24:51+00:00

OYS Week 39 (3/4 of a year in)

Stats:

Age: 36; Height: 74 in; Weight: 194; BF: 14% (navy method) / 16.0% strongur.io; Wife: 38, (together 17, married 14); Children: 2 kids – 5 and 10

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG (x2), Rational Male, Book of Pook (x2), MMSLP (x3), MAP, Meditations, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method (x2), How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Bang, Day Bang, Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2)

Realized I never read 48 laws of power… need to do that.

Physical / Health

Lifts Estimated 1RM: BR: 196 (will be dropping BR by 10%), BP: 197, DL: 342, OP:124, SQ: 266

Health better but still sucks. Fatigue issues are resolving (about 8-10 hours of rest needed per day). I expect another week and I’ll be back in the 7-8 hours range. Slightly hurt back during pick axing and planting shit – had to stop rows short due to numbness in my leg. I will be dropping weight 10% and focusing on form since there really shouldn’t be strain on the lower back. No issues on other exercises at this point.

Going back over my weight numbers – I’ve been lying to myself. I’ve been taking the lowest weight of the week versus the average. When I go back and calculate the average per week over the past 4 weeks, the trend is downward between 0.8 – 1.1 lbs per week while increasing lifts. Solid progress I can live with.

This will be a long multi-year process to really get to where I want to be physically. It’s a really great use of my time though – lifting, creating a menu, tracking, meal prep.

Wife likes to emphasize she doesn’t care about looks and “doesn’t see that at all”. Funny bullshit right there. Just this morning she told me again she doesn't care how much I weigh (as I'm standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth in my underwear).

Career

Nothing new – career is solid. I’ve started to consider what passive income streams may be possible – need more research into this area for low initial cash outlay options.

Relationship

IVF hormones really takes a toll on my wife. It’s like PMS dialed up to another level. I have started to get sucked into her “I feel blah and don’t want to do anything moods”. The remedy to this is (not surprisingly) to be busy. Sex was good again last week. She rode me to completion – another first time for that in our relationship.

When we did the last round of IVF in March/April she made the ‘rule’ that there’s no sex during the hormone stuff because it “may screw something up” (doctor never said anything to this effect). This time, it was never brought up and sex was frequent until this past Saturday since she now has a legitimate problem in terms of pain/pressure. Sex is now officially not allowed (from the Doctor) until probably Monday/Tuesday next week.

Affection is there and coming from her more. I see it as good progress that I don’t get that validation/satisfaction/happy dopamine rush from it. I expect that in my relationship, it’s not a ‘bonus’. I still give too many fucks when she's being bitchy for multiple days. I don't act on the fucks - but they're there.

Despite the ‘bubble bath’ rain check she was in no mood for the follow-up. Fine, I used the bath, helped my back. I did begin the overthinking about it, then just stopped the thoughts -> I can’t care if she’s making excuses or was legitimately hot, bloated. She was effectively DEERing to me why she didn’t want to. I was disappointed by the situation though. We need more time alone / going out – I need to lead here and make it happen.

Wife is going through some issues she needs to work through - starting in early August, both kids will be in school for the first time. I also believe that my wife simply is nervous/shy/whatever about her body. She has no issue being naked for sex, but locks the door during showers, doesn’t want to be naked. I need to emphasize that I like to see her fucking naked body.

I need to keep the 1000 ft rope in mind – wife is improving but it’s slow. I know what my vision is of the relationship and it’s moving in the right direction. This was a helpful post from u/red-sfpplus that let me realize a few things:

I’m willing to let the 1000 ft rope play out over the next 12 months
I am NOT willing to wait much longer than this

This was the most helpful piece emphasis mine:

Most of you guys need to chill the fuck out. You have a long, tough road ahead of you. What I see is a bunch of men who are either unwilling to put in the work to better themselves, put in the work to exit the relationship or just lack patience and ability to execute.

The patience piece has been the biggest struggle and will continue to be. I am disciplined, and ~~can~~ will manage it.

I got frustrated with lack of putting laundry away. Awhile ago I took on doing my own laundry, but wife and kids just leave it in a big pile in the laundry room. I took the big pile, put away the towels/linens, put a pile of the kids’ stuff in their room and my wife’s stuff in our room.

Kids

Kids are better this week. Still a struggle to get the oldest to help around the house, but it’s improving. The minute she voices a complaint she is punished with escalation punishments the more it happens.

She wrote me a letter about how much she loves me and appreciates me being strict since otherwise she'll become lazy... smart girl.

Other Shit

Noticing IOIs a lot of the time. Women smiling and glancing downward when passing by is the norm now. It took a while to not break eye contact first but practicing certainly helps. I was in the work cafeteria eating lunch. HB8 acquaintance says from across the room, “Hi Longroad! How are you?” out of the blue with a big fucking smile on her face. Then she’s leaving and says “Bye Longroad, I’ll see you later” with the same big grin. Not going to do anything with that, but it’s a good sign of progress when shit like this randomly happens.

redPillOnHard · 2019-07-09T14:04:03+00:00

Life Goal - Kick life in the ass. Be my own judge.

I had a shitty week in this department. Don't know if my frame was weak or something else is going on, but I've been more concerned with other people and pleasing them than in the past few months. Its a backslide, but I'm not sure where it is coming from. Thinking about the past week it has been unconscious.

Examples:

Trying to coordinate activities and waiting for responses, rather than planning things I want to do and inviting family and friends.
DEERing multiple times this week
Engaged in choreplay for the first time in a long time this week.
Eating like shit when with other people and they are eating like shit

If nothing jumps out as the root cause, I'm going to let it go and get back on the DNGAF train, spend less time contemplating and more time working out.

Health - Goal: 10% BF. Black Belt in BJJ. Live pain free.

Ht: 6'4" Wt: 240 BF: 14%

I put on about 5 pounds. I'm going to get back on my IF and keto plan starting today.

My back still hurts. I thought it was better, but it gets tired quickly and I'm too stubborn to stop what I'm doing when this happens. I need to tap out when I get to that point so I can keep healing.

I tackled a home improvement project this past weekend, which involved putting together multiple pieces of furniture and rearranging other things. Sounds simple, but it was up stairs, and I had to the pieces of a bed, desk, dresser and a mattress up the stairs as well as bring the old furniture down. No help lifting from wife or daughters and I hate asking for help, so didn't have a buddy come over. Then I spent ~5 hours bent over screwing everything together. When I finished and sat down, my back basically shut down. I couldn't move for a couple hours. Fuck me. So dumb.

Today I feel good. going to go to BJJ tonight. Went to class last week for the first time since back injury. Overall it went well. Again, too stubborn. Someone was passing (trying) my guard an arm under my neck and was stacking me on my neck. Thankfully my instructor made us stop (he is aware of my injury) and gave me a talking to about being careful.

Finances -Goal: Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and option to retire by 55.

Goals:

Keep on top of budget

I'm on top of budget. I need a better way of giving wife updates on spending categories vs. once a month review. I could send weekly updates or set something up where emails get sent when we get close to a limit. But the tool I'm using currently doesn't have that stuff built in, so I would need to manually do this. I guess I need to figure out if I want to spend the time to do that... Or delegate it to wifey to monitor. Not sure if she is capable of that. She is the oldest teenager when it comes to money.

Parenting - Goal: Raise healthy, curious, active kids. Model these qualities for them. Engage in activities with each of them that they are passionate about.

Goals:

Be calm
Model happiness

Re did my daughters room furniture this weekend. See health section. She is thrilled, and will be in a much better place when school starts, having it set up for focused homework and just a better space for her to "own".

I'm going to paint both daughters rooms this upcoming weekend.

Frame - Goal: To not measure myself by others opinions.

Goals:

Be an oak

My frame was shit this week. I tried to make people happy on the 4th rather than planning our shit and executing. I got in an argument with the wife. First time in a while I went down that waste of time.

On the 4th we had a plan to get to the beach by 1. I went and worked out early. Spent the rest of the morning prepping food and packing for the beach. Wife went to a gym class a little later. came home an hour before we needed to leave for beach and informed me she had some work to do and needed a couple hours. I calmly told her it would have been better if she told me about this yesterday or that morning, so that I could have planned for it. I should have left it there and taken the kids to the beach alone. Wife could have met us later if she figured her shit out. Meanwhile I should have been chatting up some women at the beach and playing with my kids. She told me I was an asshole for attacking her about working on the 4th. She was already stressed out, and now I'm piling on. I'm tired of her procrastinating then using work as an excuse. The work thing was not urgent except in her mind. Also, watching 2 kids at the beach with 1 set of eyes isn't fun.

Anyway. Too much arguing by me. I should have said my piece then left. Hopefully lesson learned.

Sex - Goal: Active and fun sex life. Initiate whenever I feel like it no butt hurt over rejection.

Goal:

Initiate when I feel like it be OI

Decent week. She even initiated once. I also got rejected and had no butt hurt. That is a bigger win than the successes.

beta_buxxx · 2019-07-09T14:32:04+00:00

OYS #23

Previous OYS | First OYS

Overview

Me: 33, 5'8", 205.4 lb, 27.8% BF. Wife: 34. Kids: 4M, 2F, 3rd due end of July. Married 7 years, together 11.

Lifts (SL5x5): SQ 190 BP 135 ROW 110 OHP 85 DL 230.

Readings: NMMNG (x2), WINSIFG (x2), The Game, Pook, TRM, TRP Sidebar, MAP (x2), The Mystery Method, Bang, Day Bang, MMSLP (x2), TWOTSM, SGM, 48 Laws of Power.

Body

Lifting

I got a vicious case of hemorrhoids right after last week's OYS which prevented me from doing much. I finally started lifting again last night. The SL5x5 app suggested a 10% deload due to taking more than a week off. I took it up on that and am glad I did because even those lighter weights felt pretty heavy. I need to build on this and make sure I rebuild the habit.

Diet

The weight is continuing to fly off which is awesome. I'm looking and feeling better than I have in years. And it's only going to get better from here on out.

I have recurring fantasies of binge eating all the things I can't have. It's kind of disturbting and I hope it passes soon. My relationship with food was fucked.

Mind

Reading

I have a half hour left on The Red Queen. Although the terminology used is entirely different, the second half of the book does make a convincing case for the evolutionary origins of all our favorite TRP concepts. AF/BB, preselection, hypergamy, the wall, SMP, etc. My judgement from last week holds: interesting, but not useful. Reading TRM gives all the same flavor with less filler.

I'll be starting on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People this afternoon.

Frame

I feel regretful of my choices between puberty and finding MRP. I could have been absolutely slaying pussy in my 20s before settling down if I knew half of what I do now. Instead, I settled down at twenty-freaking-two with the first woman that gave me a second glance. I know that it does absolutely no good to beat myself up over it, but that isn't stopping me from doing it. There's no easy way for me to make up for this lost time now that I'm married with children. I could cheat or get a divorce, but at a large cost. The juice is probably not worth the squeeze at this point. I regret not squeezing when it would have been cheap.

Tapering my SSRI continues as planned. I am down to 10mg Celexa daily, and will be dropping to 10mg every other day (avg 5mg daily) on the 18th, then stopping completely August 1st. I am feeling ok at the moment, we'll see if this continues.

Relationships

Wife

Let me give a bit of background as a refresher. We moved to our current city two years ago for an amazing job opportunity that fell into my lap. We were both natives of the city we lived in previously so both our families were nearby, but they didn't really help out with our kids for various reasons. Our new city has a lower cost of living and I would be getting a nice raise, so we decided to make the move and hire the help we needed to go it completely alone. As it turned out, we ended up inflating our lifestyle massively (McMansion and two luxury cars) and never hired any help besides a babysitter for very occasional date nights. Everything involved in taking care of the house and the kids has fallen entirely on me and (mostly) my wife. It's honestly exhausting and takes pretty much all our time. Now we're adding kid #3 on top of this in a few weeks.

My company offers men up to 8 weeks of paternity leave, which is extremely generous for an American company. This leave must be taken in a single go within one year of the child's birth. I discussed my leave plans with my manager and he made it clear that, while it was my right to take the leave when I wanted to, it would be very detrimental to the project, my team, and my career if I were to choose to take the full 8 weeks of leave immediately once our son is born. He suggested I take 3 weeks of vacation (all my remainder) when the baby is born and then take the 8 weeks in November/December when things are slower.

My wife has been nuclear shit testing me about the paternity leave upon learning of this conversation. She said she was not happy in our new city because she was going it alone and overwhelmed. This soon ramped up to her saying she would be moving back to our home state with or without me right after the baby was born. I identified this as a shit test because it's patently absurd to move cross country solo with three kids right after giving birth. I decided against A&A because she has a history of going through with it when her bluf is called. I didn't want to gamble that she would actually go through with this, forcing me to lawyer up immediately to protect my parental rights. So I decided on AM as my general tactic.

I humored her without freaking out or overreacting. I simply calmly discussed things with her without taking it too seriously. It took a while to get to the core of the issue, which was that we never hired the help that I promised her we would as part of deciding whether to move here. Once she had calmed down somewhat, I sat her down and explained our financial situation to her. We could afford to hire an au pair or nanny or maid or whatever she felt we needed, but we would have to pull the kids out of their half-day daycare and shuffle our balance sheet somewhat to reduce our debt service. We came to no conclusions, but the next day surprise, surprise, she was second thinking all of this nonsense. As it stands now, it's status quo and we are going forward with the leave plan indicated by my manager. She is talking about taking the kids to our home city for a few weeks between my two leaves, but she honestly is not enough of a self-starter to plan and execute it without my help. And I have no intention of helping her with that.

Did I handle this correctly? Part of me feels I should not have let her get away with using the kids as pawns in her games. I think my fear of divorce is holding me back from shifting the balance of power in our relationship.

Children

The kids are regressing like crazy in advance of baby's arrival. Their favorite game is pretending to be babies. It's cute, but also obnoxious when my 4 year old demands to be carried everywhere. We don't give in, but damn does that get old fast. I hope they do ok once baby is born.

Friends

Nothing to report here. I'm holding off on dread level 3 until after the baby is born.

Career / Finances

I gained a good enough grasp on our finances to have the discussion indicated above with my wife. The summary is that we are living at our means. Not above, but not below either. Luckily we have plenty of savings, so even though we are technically living paycheck to paycheck, we are in no real danger from any financial bumps in the road. Still, we both agreed that we need to find some places to trim things. There is no obvious low-hanging fruit, but rather we will need to cut back slightly in many different areas to create the budget surplus we both want to see.

Goals

Correct lifting form
Get off my SSRI
Sort through junk still boxed from moving
Find ways to save time
Kill my inner beta
Stop being lazy
Figure out what I want out of life
Push sexual boundaries and explore our fantasies

twostickfire · 2019-07-09T14:56:57+00:00

Oys 3 Stats - 6'4 215 35yo married 8, together 15 2 kids, 10 5 BP 90 lbs, DL 135, OHP 70, squat 140

Fitness Still getting back into fitness, as a child I was an all-natural athlete and excelled at everything until 16/17 when other guys started to overtake me. Worked out very hard in my 2nd year of University, picked up many girls and my marks were the highest by far. The year I was healthiest was seemingly my most successful. Worked out on and off since then, give it shit for three weeks but then let it fall off. Pick em up again then let it fall off. A month ago bought a used bench and weights that I have used sparingly. Just need to develop the discipline to keep going with it. Numbers are nowhere near where they were in my 2nd year of University, which is expected, but my numbers seem so low that I am feeling more embarassed than anything. Have been biking to work during the summer months and can easily do it now whereas three weeks ago I was huffing and puffing to make it over the finish line.

Finances: Recently took a new job at an 8% pay cut. Have gone through a few pay cycles now and definitely noticing a difference in the budget and how the money is shaking out. Have a little side hobby business that I fooled4 around with and made about $7,500 in 2018. I have undertaken the required preliminary steps to get this business legitimized and will begin advertising and working this into more of a steady stream of income. Would love to find a way to outsource the tedious tasks, a few years back I had touched base with a few companies in India about it but there costs were no different then what I could find here. Goal is to utilize this extra income for outside normal expenditures such as children's activities and eventually a vacation property.

Relationship I am completed conflicted when it comes to the marriage. I am pro-marriage but this one has become extremely difficult to the point where I find myself wondering if its even worthwhile. I base way too much of my life and my happiness on the reactions I get from her. I say otherwise but 90% of the time I find myself asking whats wrong whats wrong..which I know is not what I am supposed to do. I have read the post about dealing with a high-anxiety wife and I (or her) check many of the boxes. I would love to get a gym membership but every attendance at the gym would follow with hours of asking about who I saw, who was there, any girls. The same goes for everything, including biking to work. I am at the end of my rope when it comes to having to deal with this as its getting to the point where I am enjoying my life less simply because every thing I do is tied to hours of questions. I know I should not be tying my feelings to hers. All these things I know but cant overcome.

Frame Have made strides in this but obviously not where I need to be. That feeling where I am standing straight and she puts her head on my chest is what I know it will feel like when I am there but damn do I have a long way to go. I have seen and worked closely with many charismatic individuals who brush off so much shit that its easy to see what is possible. What one man can do, another man can do.

Mental/Reading/Advancement I am going through significant training at work that was centred around the development of new managers. One of the discussions was on the development of self. The trainer stated that you should be asking yourself one question, a new question every single morning just to see how you answer. From having others describe you to what do certain words mean to me, the exercise was to provide clarity on where you are and where you could go. I asked myself this morning "What are my current goals?" and I realized that I am really going through life by the seat of my pants. As if I am driving without a destination. I had to laugh when I read that joke post about the typical MRPer because one of the comments was "my mission is to create a mission", that is what I felt after trying to answer the goals question. Which only shows me how much work I have to do.

Goals 1. Get a non-fiction book, anything just have to learn something new 2. Hit the weights 4 times until next OYS 3. Minimize "whats wrong"

Conclusion A long way to go

CarelessBowler5 · 2019-07-09T15:26:29+00:00

OYS #4

28, wife 31, married 2.5, together 3.5. Kids: 2.5yo boy & 9mo girl.

Fitness

Been hitting the gym 3x a week and hitting the trails to train for a 5k 3x a week.

It's obvious to me that a lot of the sexual frustration I thought I felt before MRP was really just physical frustration. I was not moving enough, lifting enough, and my body was crying out for some action. I foolishly thought all of that action needed to be sex and so pestered my wife about it all the time. Just four weeks later, and I feel completely different. I feel great.

Reading

Complete: MMSLP, MAP, NMMNG

In Progress: WISNIFG

Study

I'll be honest, MMSLP was not super helpful for a guy in a completely sexless marriage at the moment. Lot of eye-opening information, but the practical tips weren't timely.

MAP was spot-on. I've made my own documentation to track my reds, yellows, & greens. I'm making progress in all areas. Remembering that it's a marathon, not a sprint.

NMMNG was also incredibly helpful. The biggest takeaway for me was how I need a social life with fellow men to get needs met, needs that my wife just simply cannot meet. I'm a singer and musician. Growing up, I sang in choirs, bands, and solo as well as played a few instruments. I'm looking around for a singing group to join. First stop will be a barbershop chorus that meets not too far away, just to see if it's a good fit.

Diet

I've lost 15 lbs in the past 6-8 weeks. Now that seems to be tapering off. I'm at ~16% BF, and it's hovering.

For several days this past week, I only at 500-800 calories each day. I'm finding out that's too low to have consistent weight loss. I'm focused now on hitting that 1200 calorie mark, focusing on nutritious foods.

Frame

I still don't fully understand frame.

Right now, our family is moving from an apartment to our first house. The house needs a lot of work, and I have taken over all responsibility for the whole process. I have made decisions even that my wife disagreed with (hiring professional painter instead of doing it ourselves, for example). I have learned to hear her objections but still move forward with my decision anyway.

Also continuing to learn how to maintain frame at work. I am the head of my department. Sometimes, I feel a tinge of guilt using my authority when a team member disagrees with me. This past week, if I sense there's some conflict about it, I have just told them, "I hear you, but I'm pulling rank and making the decision. Here's what you're going to do." No one's ego has been damaged. In fact, my direct reports' motivation seems to actually increase with this treatment.

Relationship

Still no sex. Some great make-out kissing. But no sex. Which doesn't surprise me because:

We're living in a warehouse. Getting our apartment ready to move, my wife and I have our mattress in the living room, boxes piled up everywhere, kids each in a bedroom (2bdr apt) so they don't wake each other up.

In the city, it feels like living in a hut. It's not great. It's stressful. I'm not shocked my wife's libido just isn't working (despite all the ooh-ing and aw-ing she does over my growing muscles.

Last night, I could tell her anxieties were bothering her. I told her to roll over to face me. She initially refused because she thought I just wanted cuddles or sex. I told her, "No, you're going to tell me what's wrong." She put her phone away and rolled over face-to-face with me, and just spilled her guts. All of her anxieties came rushing out about the move, family, our kids, our finances. Everything.

I kept frame. Listened. Gave some "mmhmm"'s when needed. Then when she was all done, I made some comments to demonstrate that none of those things bother me. I demonstrated that there's nothing she listed that's going to ruin the mission we're (really I'm) on. I joked. She laughed, eyes all lit up, and actually joyful.

Then she said something important, "I just wish we were a normal married couple that connected, had sex, and got along." This was a major step. She voluntarily said that she wants sex. Normally, I've been the one asking for (read: demanding) sex.

I made her squeeze my biceps ("They need a proper inspection."), and she got all giggly. We ended up spooning to fall asleep. As we drifted off, I told her, "You know, whenever you're ready to be that couple that has sex again, don't be shy. Come over and rub my penis. Make sure I get the message." She laughed and said, "Noted." This is the first time in 6 months we've even discussed sex when I'm not pressuring her into it.

We have another week before we actually move into the new house. I'm not saying it won't fix all the problems in our relationship, but we'll finally have some breathing room to deal with them.

Action Items

Move Into The New House
Keep Fitness Routine
Daily tell my wife to share with me ("Tell me what's wrong.")
- No DEERing
- Display high value
- Comfort as necessary
- Maintain frame
Don't demand sex

Jupi_ter · 2019-07-09T15:40:57+00:00

36YO, wife 37YO, 1 kid (4)

5x5: SQ 235, DL 220, BP 130, OHP 110, ROW 130

Height: 6’2’ - weight: 197 pounds

Goals:

Weight down to 185 pounds by September end; on track
Strength up from current, don’t know what is strength progression while cutting;
Calorie target is 2,230; on track during week, not tracking well at weekend;
Business:
- Hit budgets; on track and beyond
- Plan for new division roll out completed by first week of July. Failed, delaying this.
Muay Thai 2x week; Failed - not OYS.
Review and update personal financial plan by first week of July; Failed - not OYS.
Place top 3 in the coming race at weekend; Failed - 4th.
Catch any instances where I perceive my wife with hostility, understand why, cure it. on track

Mission

Complete commitment to my self.

General

The last report I was doing poorly. The main realisation was that for all my imagining I was over being angry, I still saw my wife as an antagonist, and that actually made me very angry. The post by Blarg was very helpful; in describing his view of his wife I saw even more starkly how I’ve been approaching my relationship as a covert struggle for dominance and submission. A very insecure way to go about being married.

I’m frustrated that my pace is so slow. When I compare back to where I was mentally at the beginning of this, how completely fucked I was, I can see the change of direction is drastic, but in as far as implementation and end result for my self, I have to do better. Frame and OYS, but most of all frame. The series by Strategos_autokrat is very helpful, found it again and it makes a lot more sense.

Relationship

Moving my family forward to a new home, making decisions on renovation and executing life changes well. Wife follows my lead and is very helpful in execution.

No attraction and no sex. Once in the past two weeks and poor show - PE. I looked into medication for PE but I’ve decided that will not do. I might try a natural remedy (Kratom) but this is completely in my head, using a drug does not really address the matter and so I’m sceptical of it. Every time PE went away it’s because I was staying inside my own head before and during sex, and having sex for my true sake, rather than for validation, acceptance by my wife/mommy etc. etc.

Overall

Back on track with the grind, and keen to grind more effectively - I want results.

Escape_From_Betacraz · 2019-07-09T16:27:23+00:00

OYS 2

New username. Former was u/MRPthrowaway123.

Stats

23 y/o

1,85m

68 kg +1,5KG

Navy method said 11,7% last time. Haven't checked it again as it's not really important at this time.

Sq: 65kg B: 60kg DL: 95kg

Physical

Lifting itself is still going well. Have been a bit less because I've been really busy trying to fix everything for my studies I've left undone for way too long. But still went at least 4x a week. Starting to see a little bit of shape, not nearly as much as I could have grown as I haven't eaten enough for the most time. Most progress has been made in my shoulders and arms and my back is finally starting to be noticably bigger than my waist. Mostly because I have a really small waist but it I see a bright future if I keep going. Eating is proving to be harder though. I'm struggling to get the amount of calories in every day. To make this easier I have decided to stop smoking, as that is never a bad decision anyway. Only on day 2 of doing so but it's a start.

Reading

Still working through this sidebar and the one on the redpill sub. So far I've read NMMNG, Pook, Models(had done so before) and listened to the BPP podcast. I've also made a beginning on SGM.

I'm about halfway through MMSLP now, which seems to be where I should have started as it covers the basics and tells you where to start at least.

Studies

There was heaps of small stuff I've left around for months and some of it years that needed to get done before I can graduate. Because I do two studies simultaniously and haven't been too on top of it, it piled up. So these past weeks have mostly been spent on fixing this. Most of it has worked out well after putting a lot of effort into it. This is probably the first time I've been picking stuff up instantly instead of first procrastinating on it.

Financial

Not much to say here. I'm a student so I don't make great amounts of money. Still doing good enough in this department I believe. No debt and about 10k saved as I work a lot next to my studies.

Relationships

With the foreign girl it's going well. I've decided I'm going to move to the other country for the next year. I'm leaving in a little over a month. I've thought about it a lot and don't really see any downsides. I've always wanted to live in another country, and worst case scenario it doesn't work out. In that case I'll at least have the experience. Plus the experience working abroad will look extremely good on my CV so at least it will set me up in that department. It will be a challenge while there though. I will need to watch myself to not go back in my progress because of the relationship, especially because I won't have my normal social life and don't know any other people. Especially in the beginning this might be difficult.

The "plate" if you will, has been expecting some form of commitment for some reason. Even though I've made clear from the beginning that I wasn't looking for a relationship. It's gotten a little annoying so I haven't seen her in a bit. Not in contact with her that much anymore either. Think I'll see her one more time and then let it end.

Social

I've been making an effort to be more social for a long time now and the difference is massive. I was always the person that got invited to stuff, but I never invited people out to do stuff or set anything up. Now I've started doing so my social life is a lot more active and I actually get invited out to stuff a lot more too. It's now rare that I have nothing to do for more than two nights in a week. And those two nights are by choice.

In social settings I do run into an issue I've had for as long as I can remember though. One day I can be really social and I'll be upbeat and active. These days I enjoy myself a lot and can be the life of the party.

Other days I just can't seem to get this side out of me, I'll be the most boring guy ever. Literally everything is different, I'll be mumbling words and just being really antisocial and can not get the social side out. It also depends a lot about what people I'm with but it can be completely opposite with the same people on a different day. I usually know this before I get there even. This really bothers me as I want to be more of the first but can not seem to break out of it when I'm not in that social mood, which is at least 50% of the time. It sounds vague I know, but anyone fimiliar with this issue and have any ideas on how to break out of it?

Goals

- Approach some girls for the first time. I've always been decent with girls as soon as I have them on a date because there I am not afraid to escalate, but I've never really approached any except for once in a blue moon where I did it before I even thought about it. I think this is important for me if I ever want an abundance mentality because this step is holding me back far the most, so basically grow some balls in this respect.

This goal I kind of achieved. At two different birthday parties there were girls where I thought fuck it I'll give it a go for the first time in my life. Especially the second one I really went for it. As in she definitely knew my intentions and I wasn't shy about it. It actually worked out as I kissed her later on the night and she was doing her best to be around me for most of the night. For me this was quite eye opening as I saw that it does not have to be that fucking difficult, and is actually really enjoyable when you just do it. Asked her for a drink over text later but she kept asking about the girl I'm about to visit as a friend asked about that. Don't think I gave the right response to those questions so sadly that's not going to work out.

SQ 75KG B:65KG DL:100KG by the end of june

These proved to be too ambitious. I think I could've done it if I stuck to my training 6x a week and had eaten enough all of the time. But it didn't work out like that. Did come quite close on de BP and DL though.

Try to be less affected by stuff that happens, especially in relationships. I tend to overthink stuff and it can really stress me out/keep me up at night. Planning on reading into the stoics as those are often recommended here for these issues.

Feel like I have made some progress here. With the foreign girl there were some if I had to guess shitty comfort tests. Before these would've rattled me. This time I just said I don't feel like having this conversation and let her sit with it. The difference for me is that this time the "tension" that was there did not affect my day in any way. I just went on with it and did not think about it after.

For the current goals it's mostly keep on reading and trying to not be affected by things that other people do or think. Also keep on lifting and mostly get my diet in order. Quitting smoking will help with this as I know from the last time I quit it helped my appitite a lot.

I think I'm kind of beginning to understand frame. I've read a lot on it and still need to do so, but it's starting to dawn on me.

Tiny_Barracuda · 2019-07-09T22:20:23+00:00

OYS #2

Stats: 38, 6", 162.5 lbs (fasted), 13% bf, wife 38, married 13yrs, together 20. Two kids - 8 and 6 Lifts - Bench: 205, Deadlift: 325, Squat: 255, Press: 135.

Read: NMMG (x2), MMSLP, Book of Pook, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, Mindful Attraction Plan, Models, Day Bang, The Rational Male, The Rational Male: Preventive Medicine, Sixteen Commandments of Poon, The Unchained Man: The Alpha Male 2.0

In progress: The Winner’s Bible

Physical: Tracked my macros for my lean bulk 5 out of 7 days. Not surprisingly I was able to hit my lifts because I was eating enough. I am having trouble keeping my form on squats and deadlifts at higher weights. I will be looking for a trainer that can make sure that I am doing it properly so I don’t injure myself.

Career/Finances: Based on the feedback last week, I think that the same fear of rejection that holds me back from initiating with my wife is the same fear stopping me from putting myself out there for new jobs and work assignments. If I am saying that I don’t need a challenge as long as I am making good money this is nothing but rationalizing away my fear of facing a new challenge and possible rejection. I need to start applying.

Relationship/women: Sex 2x this week. First, coming off shark week she came to bed without panties on. Good sex followed. Interrupted once on Saturday night when one of the kids got scared and came to our room. Sunday she came to bed naked after I told her to meet me there. Jackhammered her up against our bed board hard.

Last week, I wanted to approach two women a day. I did this one day this week. I felt good doing it and received a positive response. I also spent a whole trip to a coffee shop looking at my phone. I will sign myself up for some meetups so I can get out and talk to folks.

Reading/Theory: I recently read a post by Archwinger on the The Red Pill subreddit that I think is one of the most insightful I have seen and makes a ton of sense to me, it is called “Take Ownership of Your Women”, here is the link: https://reddit.app.link/y4iFxaNZbY

The post makes the case that women will not be their best selves as partners (i.e. - available for sex) if they are also receiving all your emotional baggage and and acting as your social planner and your mother. I suggest reading the whole thing but this was my favorite part:

“When your woman is your secretary, your social planner, your employee, or maybe even your boss, she’s too busy managing shit and keeping track of shit and taking care of shit to do a good job being your woman. If you take care of that shit instead, your woman can focus on being your woman and taking care of your dick. Women are limited. They can’t handle the stress of two roles in a day.”

“If you’re constantly gushing your feelings and pouring your heart out to your woman, you’re making yourself a very unfair burden. It’s your job to attend to your feelings and your happiness, not hers. Making yourself happy is your own job. If she has to tend to your feelings and make you feel better when you’re down, like a little child, then she’s your mommy. And there just isn’t enough time and energy in the world for her to be both your mommy and your woman. Her job is to tend to your dick, not your feelings.”

“The more you try to use women for anything other than sex, the less sex you’re going to have, and the shittier the sex will be.”

With this in mind, I intend to take back decisions especially related to finance that I have unloaded on her over the years.

Goals this Week:

Find a Strength Coach/Trainer

Update my resume and my LinkedIn profile

Sign myself up for some meetups near me

Take back over those areas I have offloaded to her (eg - finances)

FoxShitNasty83 · 2019-07-10T21:44:53+00:00

Age: 36, Height: 5' 7", Weight: 138lbs, Fat: 15%

SQUAT: 216lbs, BENCH:150lbs, PRESS: 105lbs, DEADLIFT: 231lbs

PHYSICAL

Slowly, Slowly cutting still im drawing a line when it gets to 12%, not much movement here seem a bit stuck. 1700 calories, 40% protein, 40% carbs, 20% fat. I do intermittent fasting but I don't to any cardio, is it worth chucking in some HIIT sessions.

WORK / MISSION

Mission is priority number one, its money based in my first year I want to supplement my income by 10k increasing year on year until I can quit my job. This is something my wife is aware of but I haven't fully revealed my plans.

LEADERSHIP

I am leading my family and slowly taking control of the wheel. Specifically just doing stuff without being asked I have lists of shit to fix and do. The wife feels threatened she thinks I'm trying to outdo her. Im not really she is just feeling threatened and isn't accepting my leadership yet, I give her things to do and she does them. The wife is always saying "I am great, I have done x, I have done y today etc" I assume she is looking for approval here? I tell her she did well etc but I get a "Meh" or "whatever".. I'm new at leading and I don't know how to show through my actions that I appreciate what she does?

Relationship

The wife still isn't fucking me but I'm just DNGAF she is dead cold now since my focus is on my mission, I have withdrawn 80% comfort because I have a mission now no time for a sexless bitchy angry wife. When I try to arrange to do things as a couple she won't do it, she wants to do things as a family instead and we do plenty of that anyway. So I end up doing things on my own and leave her to watch shit TV which I find boring as fuck. She tried to engage in an argument about me spending time at the gym and neglecting my "cleaning duties" at home because she does it all apparently... I was smiling inside, I saw this and DNGAF I said the GYM was my time and that it's important to me, I got accused of being selfish and she doesn't get time to do stuff by herself "that's not my problem". I fogged the fuck out of it and owned things I needed to own. In the end, she just walked away. This wasn't perfect but I definitely did better than normal the chinks in my armour held fast, I let the silences drag and STFU and owned when I needed to. What's this about STFU and carry on? Maybe I'm being hard on myself I feel like I failed simply by engaging.. should have stfu more, I got a bit pissed off... damn Women and there manipulation of words.

When I say no I feel guilty - I haven't internalised this one yet. Like a fucking deer in the headlights. I'm onto reading it again

Mindset

Earlier in the week I felt drained, low, borderline burnout. I accepted at that moment that I was feeling this way and that it will pass and in true form it did. I realise I take on too much, I literally never chill. This needs to change and I need to not feel guilty about putting my feet up sometimes.

timeriders · 2019-07-11T22:44:17+00:00

OYS 1

Mid 40's "married 24 years to wife mid 40's

Lifts

Squat 225 BP 185 OHP 105

Height 5'8 weight 255LBS body fat percentage approxamately 40 %

Reading

I have read through Rational Male year 1,and MMSLP.

Sex

I have been having sex basically once a month always on a Friday.

Health

I went to the doctor got a physical she informed me I am pre diabetic and have low testosterone.

Hobbies

I got my fishing license and went fishing a couple times, I didnt realley enjoy it.

I bought a motorcyle and got my license so far I am enjoying my rides.

Plan

My plan going forward is to continue going to the gym 4 days a week. I plan on taking some kind of self defence

course or maybe judo. Track my calories and eat less. Read NMMNG.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2019-07-12T14:02:01+00:00

Figured it's time to actually join you assholes rather than lurk and post witty banter. No issues, just figure I need to be accountable.

OYS #1 (Yea, my first).

Found the red pill around a year and a half ago.

35 yo, 5'11" ,180lbs, 15%BFish , Wife 31, Married 7 years, together 12 years, one kid, 3.5 years

Lifts (Calculated 1RM) 175SQ 280DL 175BP 100OHP

Mission/Reading/Etc:

NMMG, Models, Sidebar, TRP sidebar was read previously, just picked up the 4 Hour Work Week. Need to actually read the damn thing.

Physical:

Goal sub: 10% BF

Ok, now onto lifts. I have two compressed discs in my lower back so I can't be a retard in the gym anymore. Doc says I cannot lift heavy or I will have major problems down the road hence for my fuckarounditis above. I've been focusing a lot on cardio as I have some odd heart issues as well. (Injection fraction a bit low at my last echo and blood pressure is elevated however controlled with meds). Thanks genetics. This is tough on me mentally because I lifted from ages 21-30 heavy and now I can't. So fuck.

Diet wise: Down 10lbs in a month, I have the odd ability to cut weight if I want to. Wife has been doing great, on macros in a metabolic program, she is around 127lbs right now. (5'5). She is honestly a solid 9 for her age, I know you assholes say that but she looks damn good for post kid and really works at it. Lost 9 lbs on macros.

I do run TRT, 9 months now. Sex drive improved for sure and the GYM isn't as painful as it used to be.

Household:

One thing that lacks here is my wifes need to clean like mine. I have some major OCD and clutter issues that I do not like the house being a mess when I leave for work so I end up doing it. It's not that she won't do it, it's more like I need this fucking place clean 24/7 which I realize is likely unreasonable with a 3.5 year old and a dog and she works full time and goes to the GYM at 5am 3-4 days a week.

Social:

My career is social so I am constantly interacting with new clients and meeting people but honestly some days I want to be left the fuck alone in my house. Probably something mental with me. Not sure if it's the social media validation fuck fest that is everyones lives but I just need alone time. I do also get really down at times, I have swings where I feel great for small bursts during the day then wonder why I'm doing all this and am I really happy. I have no reason not to be, house, great wife, beautiful daughter on paper I should be dancing all damn day. Definitely fucked up brain chemistry, I've tried anti depressants they don't work. I am a happy person with goals it seems. I can't be bored.

Relationship/Sex:

Goal: No goals. We fuck a lot. Wife is very submissive, also bisexual. (more on that below). I flirt a lot with other women. There is nothing off the table. Anal been off the table last couple weeks since I banged her ass pretty good a couple weeks ago while we were in NYC. Oops. Insane sex drive compared to anyone I've ever been with or even hang out with. Banged like 3 times with week. Oral, doggy, came on tits and in mouth I think. Hard to remember. I will say now that I've leaned out a bit she is over me more than she used to be but doesn't mind when I'm sitting at 190 either. I honestly don't crave sex with her or really anyone else for that matter.

So you want a bisexual wife do you? Gift and a curse with that one. Need to have solid frame to manage. Women hit on her a lot because she is very attractive. We have had a threesomes, one with her old work friend who is an Attorney (and fucking insane if you as me) and another girl we brought into our relationship last year for four months. That was interesting. 25 year old little thing that ran it's course because sluts are gonna slut and I don't have time for drama.

Work/Personal Goals:

I need to be more proactive with this and develop a stronger pipeline. I work in a sales based business and checks can be sparse but large when they come in. The prospecting and running around with clients gets so exhausting. I need to figure out a side income stream because I do have a lot of wierd free time hours,. I also need to get cars payed off because I don't want anything other than the mortgage out there. My credit cards are payed off as well as school loan. Need to start living more simply I think. We don't spend a lot but like to go out to dinner once a week and get drinks.

i-am-the-prize · 2019-07-15T16:08:07+00:00

OYS #5

Stats:

Age: ~50yrs old, Height: 5'11”, Weight: 208 lbs, down to ~13% BF

Relationship: Wife is same age, been together 20+ yrs, several kids 9-15 yrs old.

Lifts: Squat: still at 315#, rows up to 200#, back is getting strong. Bench still just under 200 to avoid shoulder injuries; haven't "maxed" in decades, no plans to.

Sidebar reading - in progress ones

WISNIFG – Still not done with it

Pook – Just started it, kindle links to website, annoying. But still enjoying it.

Billion Wicked Thoughts - interesting stuff, sex search history/habits of men and women...

The way of the Superior Man - a bit hippy, but interesting framing of RP concepts in a different viewpoint.

Background: It's in other posts, but got my body improved in the past 1.5 yrs, and in March 2019 had an 'event' when on vacation with family/kids, a small thing my wife did (didn't do) that set me off. I thought about it impartially (If one of my bro's had told me what happened, how would I have viewed it) and true enough, I knew I needed to

fix this**, or
leave her, or
be forever unhappy in my marriage as it was at the time

Option 3 was not an option. Option 2 was not my first choice, so Option 1 had me remember a several year old digital copy of MMSLP2011 and search up what other "things" were like it, or in the same realm. Found Rollo's books, and then I was on this path...

** fix this = fix me really, as I've learned.

I log shit tests (pass/fail), and STFU events (pass fail): and the shit-test frequencies have decreased. Comfort tests are on the rise. Still logging them, but interesting to know.

Sexual – More good stuff. I read a post in the last few weeks, paraphrasing: "so you got your woman to fuck you, great, that just proves she likes dick!" lolol. yeah, little victories and all. So not bored of things. But I feel it becoming less shocking - great sex - which is a good thing - meaning, not scoreboarding. She actually brought up "it's been x nights since last" recently (her shark week) not me, so I pretended to shrug, she cocked her head sideways and then I cavemanned her for some foreplay knowing it wasn't happening then (we had > 12 kids/friends of kids in the house 1 floor up); but it laid the groundwork for later....

She commented on my not fapping "like i used to" realized I hadn't in months (well once at a hotel on a road trip, fucking bored and horny) but nothing like before where it was part of my daily routine. This wasn't on purpose. Can't describe it. Just don't feel the need to. HRT wasn't the difference, weight loss wasn't the difference. Internalizing RP and lifting hardcore was the only thing temporally aligned with the absolute drop in fap freq. Go figure.

Physical - keep dropping BF, so staying the course on my diet and exercise regiment. My goal is single: digit body fat and stay above 200# total mass.

Dread - I've been at level 4 for a while now. . OYS4 had a funny dread story. I think this is where the comfort tests are coming from. She knows I have optons. She's finally losing weight, too, but I'm way ahead of her. And guys can build muscle, short of a boob job her curves don't get bigger at the gym - maybe ass from squats but not the same - esp when she's associated part of her allure to her rack for a long time. And as she loses weight they shrink. I don't flirt with women anytime I'm with my wife. No need, never felt it appropriate. Occasionally I do flirt and it's not with the hottest ones, it's ones with an energy/smile/radiance. I found a few parts of "the way of the superior man" book that resonated. It's not even sexual, meaning, i'm not looking to lay them. It's just a recharge of interacting with them, often younger, beautiful, joyful woman. I do that because it's fun and energizing.

Abundance - the lifting, lower of body fat, staying active = healthy tanned skin, and mindset of being the prize are like cat nip to women. We flew as a family for an out of state vacation to a nat'l park last week. We have several kids, ie: we take up a whole row on an airplane. She and I get the aisle seats, the brood take the flanks. A hot (hawt) flight attendant was servicing our section. Like holyshit don't stare hot, HB8+ face, like model pretty, amazing hips/waist and tits, her flight attendant outfit was definitely tailored to fit, not 'off the rack'. She smelled like flowers. Of course many of the women in our section's faces were like: "great now i have to (my husband gets to) stare at this bitch the next 5 hours". Anyways, I treated her like a fugly child, politely, but gave her no specialness; the few other dad-bod-guys I can see in my section are trying to flirt. So painful. She and her teammate do headsets, drinks, food, trash, 2nd round of drink service - she's been by dozens of times. Finally, we get coffee for the adults - I had my Bose noise cancelling headphones on, but not powered on, and my wife mentions to hottie-mc-hottie "my husband (points to me) and I would like coffee cream+sugar", hottie-mc-hottie, touches my wife on the shoulder: "oh, he's your husband? [like she didn't know] You are a lucky woman, he's a cute one, keep a hold of him sweetie" - like she was talking to a child. I pretended not to hear, I nearly pissed myself holding back laughter. It wasn't the complement, i get those all the time (sorry, not sorry). It was the porn star hot as shit woman laying out in black and white terms what her hamster had been theorizing about for months- that when I'm out, I'm attractive to other women. Hot ones at that. About 2 hours later collecting our luggage, she asked me if I heard what that "rude" flight attendant had said? me: "oh no, what happened?" her: "nothing, nevermind"

RP_PO · 2019-07-09T11:24:03+00:00

OYS #7

MRP Journey ~6 months. Began 1 month after finding and reading MMSLP twice in a week and realizing I was destroying my marriage with blue pill

32 y.o. 5’8” 172 lbs (-10 lbs total from my cut) Currently 10% BFP by Jackson Pollock 3 caliper method, and 13% by Navy method. Married 6, 2 kids (4&2)

Books read: MMSLP, NMMNG, The Rational Male, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, TWOTSM, The Way of Men

Currently reading: 12 Rules for Life, and Bang

Stats:

Squat: 350 1RM

DL: 465 1RM

Bench: 315 1RM

OHP: 185 1RM

Pullups: 28 reps max

Mission:

I am the warrior in any situation, by cultivating an unshakable frame that is inviting, but demanding to those around me. I am strong for any age. I am a confident and humble man, who knows what he wants, and knows that my goals are good and just. My integrity is unshakable. I am courageous in my work, challenging others to be better simply by being the oak they aspire to be. I am the actual that causes the potential around me to become actual as well. I am a leader in my field, because I am actively learning and implementing and not reactive. I am a leader in my home, because I am active with wisdom and strength and not reactive. My measure of success is my own conscience and judgment. I am the prize.

Physical/Lifting:

Loving going to an actual gym instead of hitting the barbell in my garage. Been going for a few weeks, and I’m going to keep the membership. It’s a legit gym with a ton of powerlifting equipment that is giving me a lot more in terms of accessory lifts. Plus there are a few monsters in the gym to give me goals/people to talk to and get some gym wisdom from….And a few other “monsters” that I outlift at a fraction of their bodyweight, which is nice. Ego? Fuck you, maybe. Current stats:

-10% Body Fat by Jackson-Pollock 3 caliper method

-13% Body Fat by Navy Method

Goal:

Presently, just do what I love and put up nasty weight. I love it and miss it. Fuck this cut right now, I want what I want.

But seriously, my goal is to get that 500 lb deadlift, 400 lb squat, and 350 lb bench by Christmas. Sitting at 1130 lbs total, and wanting 1250 isn’t unreasonable.

Family:

Settling in nicely to our house. Been working a ton, 90+ hrs and missing the kids, and they’ve missed me. Wife is definitely picking up the slack, and still following my lead. I can easily come home after being gone all day, give direction, and she takes it and gladly settles back into her FO role.

Goals:

-Spend more time actively teaching and working with my kids. They are more receptive to teaching now, and I need to be on top of that.

Relationship

Have moved past the crappy couple’s weekend and settled back into my own mind better. Passed on some starfish, in a fun way. My mind is changing. I used to pass on starfish as a jab at the wife. Now, I pass on it because I genuinely don’t want it and have better things to do. We were in another room, so I simply said “come on Mrs. RP, lets get your exhausted little ass to bed. Poor thing you’re just so tired, I’ll wear you out later”. She gave up some protest, as though I was passing up on a gift from her, but laughed and we went to bed. Next day, she initiated and was very enthusiastic. The whole family is much more lighthearted, because I am lighthearted and it easily affects everyone else. Life is good.

Relationship goals:

-Work on OI more than anything

-Frame, frame, frame

-Internalize that it’s my turn with her. Burn this bitch down, and I’ll still be standing.

Career:

Killing it at work. I can tell my uppers are pleased with me in my new position, and my peers look to me for guidance. I love my work and wouldn’t be anywhere else. I really get paid for this shit?

Goals:

-Become a leader in my new position

-Become the guy people go to for guidance and advice

Finance

Nothing new. Researched and selected new health insurance and a few other benefits for us. Took the lead on implementing new pieced for our budget and basically owning other shit around our finances. No push-back at all, and a lot of appreciation from the Mrs. For handling shit. WTF, I’m supposed to do this shit anyhow. How was I so drunk before?

RP_PO · 2019-07-09T13:40:46+00:00

I do agree with your take on what I wrote, but it was poor wording on my part. What I mean is, if the whole thing were to burn down, I’d still be standing; not that I am actively trying to burn it down.

That said, I do have some resentment that I need to deal with....and I know ego is one of my biggest problems. I’m having a hard time realizing my true value and putting off the confidence gained from that realization, while also tempering my ego. It’s a big growth area for me.

Your calling me out and keeping me honest is always appreciated.

RedPillBluegrass · 2019-07-09T14:38:24+00:00

OYS 051 190709

Stats:

Age	Height	Weight	Fitness	Days since RP
44	5' 10'' (177.8 cm)	192 lbs (87.1 kg)	Bulk	422

LTR	Years	Age	Fitness	Children
Common Law	10	37	Getting Fit	4

Dumbbell Bench	Squat	Deadlift	Preacher Curl	Weight Dips	Shoulder Press	Back Machine
190 lbs (86.2 kg) x 5	245 lbs (111.1 kg) x 5	285 lbs (129.3 kg) x 5	125 lbs (56.7 kg) x 3	80 lbs (36.3 kg) x 12	125 lbs (56.7 kg) x 3	380 lbs (172.4 kg) x 6

Bike (week)	Run (week)
68 mi (109.4 km)	7.5 mi (12.1 km)

Diet

I need to track calories.

Goals

185 lbs (83.9 kg) by the end of 2019

Rule Zero… End Game.

Quick background: I have lost interest in sex with the mother of my children (MoMC). Perhaps my T levels were low, perhaps I was just being a bitch, perhaps it was something else. I gave up porn and masturbating over a year ago. I took stock between the similarities and differences Pre/Post MRP/RP AND Pre/Post PU. Porn and masturbation were a problem...but not THE problem.

They are not THE problem because during my 20’s, I not only watched porn and jerked off, I had a hardcore sex life and watched porn with broads. PU days… not so much… shit start going down from there. Hardcore sex start to peter out with the increase in hotness of the broads I was banging. I chalked it up to hotter broads being more prudish. The not-so-hot ones had accepted their lot and know being more adventurous in bed was simply a plus for themselves and their partners. While there was a new SMV imbalance… it was all me.

I landed an HB8, and MoMC consolidated 1.2 years in as the end loomed. Porn and jerking off became a barrier and a crutch after she rejected me too often to count. What was once an integreal part of my sex life, was now my shame and pain.

As I said, porn and masturbation was a problem not THE problem. I started up again, it takes 10 minutes out of and... Low and behold, desire to have sex with MoMC went up. In fact, i had sex several times last week and lasted longer than the 4 minutes I have clocked since only focusing on me.

Stopping porn and jerking off was a good insight into how I can control myself. It also removed a barrier to sex with MoMC, but these aren’t and never were my real problem.

The real problem is I have never created a relationship that I have 100% chosen nor been happy with. I have let shit slide because “the sex was too good” or “she is the hottest broad I have ever landed”, or some other fucking excuses.

It is not my desire for hardcore sex, it is not my porn watching, or my jerking off. It is my inability to get exactly what I want. It is my inability to say half assed isn’t good enough.

Burn it down.

Goals

Burn it down. Any OYS after this should be about a lit match and fucking gasoline… if not… I am being a pussy.

Social Life

I am getting back into Geek gaming. Goal is to find the non-tragic people who game. If you know role playing… you know the tragedy that are plopped at tables in game stores around the world. Luckily, I have a few friends left from those years in my life where geek games occurred alongside rock shows and parties. I spoke with them, they are up for it, time to battle the Great Old Ones.

Secondary Mission x2

My band. Burn it down. It either survives and gets better, or I move on.

HeadButtTheBar · 2019-07-09T17:01:48+00:00

OYS #4

Summary:

Calm me is a happy me.

Stats:

35y, 185lb, 6'1''. Married to Wife 36 for 9, together 14. Kids 3,2

Current Working 5x5 sets (lb)

Bench: 175
Overhead Press: 105
Back Squat: 165 (+10)
Deadlift: 235
Bent over Row: 145

Fitness:

2x CrossFit classes, introducing me to front squats and cleans. Front squats came easy to me other than sore wrists, cleans were a mess as expected.

Otherwise, got normal lifts in basement. Hit 165 5x5 on Back Squat using better technique. I had been here before, but was using my knees totally wrong and I dropped down in weight a month ago to regroup. Felt good to make some progress, as my noob gains have been long gone and its been a slow slow incline.

Hip is hurting / sore in a new way after the squat. Will read more this week on how to use glutes more and less stress on hips. Have also read about stretching hip flexors but never really had the need till now.

Readings and My Take Aways:

Zero. Goal was to finish How to Make Friends and Influence, but made zero progress. Too much dicking around on phone.

Career:

Plan to action areas of improvement I have for myself to lead.

Proactive planning, taking more time 1:1 to coach. Need to focus less on my IC contributions because it is not as important as leading. Delegate delegate delegate.

Social:

Hung out with new friend from work who moved a few miles away from me. Will hang out with him again this Sunday. We have common interests and there's much in his personality I like (he's very good at owning shit), hopefully turn this into a meaningful friendship.

Style:

Didn't get around to buying new shirts, but bought 4 new pairs of summer shorts. Stayed away from my traditional grays and drab colors. Went with some bright colors and bought an american flag bathing suit, something I would never do.

Bambi shit tested me in a playful way, and I took it too seriously.

Bad habit I've developed is now whenever I get questioned about anything tiny, I get defensive instead of deflective. Its supposed to be "thank you for your opinion" or something with AA, and I'm turning it into "why the fuck are you questioning me". Will be more conscious and improve.

Kids:

Spent Thursday -> Sunday away with wife and kids at my family's. Focused on being a fun, calm dad. Bought them new toys, packed everything in the car, engaged them, thought ahead, etc...

Saturday we didn't plan activities as we should, and the morning ended up being pretty meandering and us driving around without a plan. Its exhausting trying to fill every hour with fun activities, but its even more exhausting having bored kids running around smashing things. Need to remember this.

Saturday ended up working out very well when we found a great activity. Realized I am a little in my kids' frames. I can't be happy unless they are happy. Maybe not a bad thing since they're just toddlers, but not sustainable long term.

Daughters 4th birthday is this weekend, split 1/2 the planning and prep duties with wife.

Relationship:

Thanks to u/SBIII for calling out my "Not Dancing Monkey! But You Kinda Still Are Dancing Monkey" tendencies last week, specifically if I'm doing it to help my wife vs. because I should just do it.

Wife feeds off my mood and the general stress level / or lack of stress level in the house. Been very focused on being calm, less rushing, and stress free. Three things happened this week that never happen:

One, my wife was just more relaxed at my family's. They have always gotten along great, but she was noticeably more at ease and fun going.
Two, about 10 minutes after I posted last weeks OYS, she initiated downstairs and we fucked in the living room. This hasn't happened since way before the kids were born.
Three, Sunday after getting back from the trip and getting kids down, she was waiting for me naked in bed after I got out of the shower. This hasn't happened... ever?

In reflection... things went very well with this kids the entire week, and I think this mellows her mood.

Sunday I took them to the community pool so she could catch up on some cleaning and laundry. Again, it takes me back to what SBIII said. Am I doing this to appease my wife and make her calm, or am I doing it because I should do it? I know for a fact I did it because it needed to be done. Kids were a little crazy, house was full of partially unpacked clothes and dirty laundry from the trip. My wife is a wizard and getting all this done, and I saw an opportunity to lead by letting her lead the cleaning, and get them out and give her space, and let her do her thing. Curious what people think of this.

DeWittorComstock · 2019-07-09T19:48:29+00:00

OYS 13

35, 5’9”, 188 lbs, 18% BF, Married 6 years, together 10, just one little one

Current Lifts: Bench – 170 x 5, Squat-190 x 5, Overhead Press-107.5 x 5, Deadlift – 245 x 5, Bent over Row – 140 x 5

Week in review

And so it ended, not with a bang, but a whimper. My demanding project at work is done and my temporary promotion is coming to an end. Things are returning to normal, and I am here asking "Now what?". I feel like a rubber band that just snapped back into place after being stretched too far. The problem is there is too much slack in the rubber band now and it needs to be pulled taught again.

I have to say that this return to normal has been both a blessing and a curse. I am no longer burning the candle at both ends, but at the same time, the lack of an external stressor has left me un-focused and floundering. I have not lost any ground when compared to where I was a couple of months ago, but I know I am capable of doing more.

Building Habits

This is actually becoming an area of major frustration for me. I find myself oscillating between taking a habit to the extreme, maintaining a habit like a reasonable adult, and maintaining habits like a 5 year old. My inability to maintain certain habits, such as waking up at a consistent hour each day, is fucking embarrassing and needs to change. I have been using lifting as a reward for waking up early on some days, but I still find myself laying in bed for longer than I should. Some days, trying to get up is like an outer body experience where part of me is saying "get the fuck up" but then my body is saying "hahaha, nope". I have noticed that things are easier when I have external stressors that set external boundaries for me to operate within. If I have an early meeting then I am out of bed when I need to be, if I do not have to be into the office until later in the morning then I am a lazy fuck. I am failing at consistency, and its frustrating as fuck. I have managed to be consistent with other habits, such as lifting, but that is usually when there is an immediate reward associated with them. Besides "Atomic Habits", any one else have some good resources/advice ?

My Health

I feel like my health is a reflection of everything else going on. Progress has stalled in some areas, some things are going great, and no major backsliding overall. Weight loss has stalled because I am eating too much. I am still basing my calorie intake on when I was 11 lbs heavier and I am snacking too much through out the week. This is already changing because I adjusted my meal prep to reflect my new calorie needs. The snacking has been a result of being hungrier than I am use to being. I think the stress of the past few months made it easier to ignore my hunger, but now that things are back to being easy there is nothing to take my mind off the hunger. I am fixing this by eating small snacks that are within my calorie limit at pre-determined times of the day.

Most of my lifts have stalled, but I am at the point where any gains are a bonus of doing something I enjoy. I know my lifts aren't anything special, but I am pretty proud of how my deadlift is progressing. Lately, when stepping up to the bar to do my dead lifts I have been thinking to myself, "fuck this is going to be heavy, I do not think I will be able to do it" and then I go and prove myself wrong. It has been a great feeling and has left me craving that feeling in other parts of my life.

On top of all this, I am back doing Muay Thai, which has been glorious. It has been about a year since I was doing it regularly and I forgot how much I enjoy it. The only down side is that I think I messed up my shoulder while holding pads for a bigger guy. It hasn't slowed me down yet, but I have been feeling some weakness in my lifts from it.

My Frame

"So now what" has been running through my head quiet a bit lately. Work has been a big focus in my life ever since I graduated from college and I recently realized that it it was only important to me because it was my primary source of external validation. I was a slave to my job because it made be feel better about myself. A pat on the back and a "good job" from my superiors brought me more joy than the lack luster bonuses I would get for all my hard work. I have recently come to realize that work is a shitty source of validation, and I need to focus that energy on things that bring internal validation. I am still struggling with how exactly I am going to accomplish this, but I think that if I focus on getting promoted for selfish reasons (promotion means more money and working less overtime) than it will be easier to ignore validation from others.

Oddly enough, getting called out for being a faggot in my last OYS is also adding to this "now what" feeling. I was bitching about how work derailed my diet and exercise, but I was really just being a faggot and making excuses for my lack of action. I always thought I was pretty good at owning my actions, but being called out like that made me realize that I still skirt responsibility for things. I need to internalize that I am solely responsible for every aspect of my life, and I need to shape the world around me to match my desires. The only thing I should be frustrated with in this world is my own lack of action.

So what am I going to do about all of this? Revise my MAP to ensure my needs are getting met while I continue to un-fuck my self. I know I have a problem with excessive planning and little action, but I need the updated MAP to help me stay focused and squash this feeling of "now what".

Cloudy_Pirate · 2019-07-09T20:36:47+00:00

OYS #18 (OYS Journey started Jan 2019)

Age: 43y, Height: 5’9”, Weight: 188 lbs

Relationship: Wife is 42y, married 18 years, 4 kids (16y,14y,10y,5y)

Summary: Took a 4 week break from Reddit/MRP. I was super busy and felt like I was hitting diminishing returns for my time invested. Came back to see lots of quibbling in the “manosphere” that is frankly embarrassing. I do see value in keeping a weekly journal though, and this is the right place to do it for now.

Lifts (Demonstrated 1RM): Squat: 300lbs; Deadlift: 335lbs; Bench Press: 225lbs; Overhead Press: 150lbs

Sidebar reading :

MRP Posts, MMSLP, NMMNG, SGM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, Pook

TRM – stalled (15%) maintain mystery - woman loving "figuring" out men with their own intuition

Bigger, Leaner, Stronger (20%)

The Goal: Lead. Be the oak. Enjoy abundance, generosity, and adventure in all areas of life – sexual, mental, physical, spiritual

Lead – I’ve navigated through the worst of the storm and things are now back on track. AC is finally replaced with a new system. I even got the reimbursement check from the warranty company after nearly 4 weeks of daily follow-up. Insurance settlement for the storm damage is now in an escrow type account at the bank. Roofing and repair contractors are lined up for repairs/replacement although I don’t have firm dates yet. Getting work done has been a bit ridiculous. I live just outside a decent sized city where unemployment is absurdly low. I contacted multiple contractors to get bids and set appointments with them. Half of them didn’t even show up for the appointment – including a dedicated sales rep for one of the largest roofing companies in the region. He didn’t even call back to re-schedule. Fortunately, one of the smaller contractors is hungry for work and gave a good bid. He has done work for me in the past, so I know he is good quality. I am doing a lot more repair/renovation work myself simply because it is taking too long to contract it out.

We went camping/boating with about 15 other families on my wife’s side for four days. Fun, but exhausting. Almost immediately after that, we hosted a 4th of July pool party for out-of-town relatives that was awesome. Kids and adults had a blast and everyone that attended asked if we would make it an annual tradition.

Be the Oak – My wife has a love/hate relationship with her family and more triggers than I care to deal with. After spending 7 days with them (spread over 2 weeks) she was depressed and bitchy. I initiated both light-hearted and emotional oak-like conversations with her which worked initially. But then it turned into criticism and shit-testing for not doing it sooner or more or better or something. I pulled back and told her that if she was going to use the time I was investing in her to complain about me not investing time in her, then I have better things to do. Next day, I reset and initiated connecting conversation and kino and it was better received.

I’m not sure that I’m handling it well. This may not be the correct way to say it, but it feels like I need to enter her frame in order to pull her into my frame. My main corrective “punishment” for bitchy actions and attitudes is to withdraw attention. But she doesn’t correct on her own, if I don’t keep injecting her with my positivity she falls into depression. So for now the plan is to initiate every day, withdraw attention if she doesn’t respond positively, and then reset the next day.

Sexual – We fooled around a bit while camping, but it was miserably hot and humid the entire time. When we got home we had passionate bend-her-over-the-bed-and-pull-her-hair-sex. Not much since then. Once shark week is done, I plan to initiate every day even though I’m expecting some rejection. Her rejections are almost comical now. We’ll had sex one night and I initiated again the next morning. She said “no, I don’t feel connected to you right now.” I said “what? We somehow lost connection during the night?” She said, “well, I didn’t feel connected before we had sex last night either.” Statements like that use to make my brain explode in trying to figure out the logic. I now realize there isn’t any. It’s just what she feels right now – and she attempts to use rationale to explain it. I still don’t like rejections. I want to bat 1000.

Physical – First thing in the morning (in favorable lighting) I have 2 visible abs. Since March, I’ve dropped 2 notches on my weight belt. Several of my shorts are now too loose without a belt. I’m working on adding some more bulk. I’ve de-loaded on squats and bench press and I’m working to punch through my previous maxes. As my body has loosened up, I am able to squat deeper. Even in my de-load I’m feeling the squats. I still have a ways to go physically, but it’s not the thing holding me back.

Social – Tons of social interaction in the last few weeks. Unfortunately, most of it was with my wife’s family. We are in the midst of a hot summer so we have pool parties scheduled every few days.

Mental – Took a break from red pill reading for a while. Some of it was getting repetitive. I’m reading Bigger,Leader,Stronger. First several chapters are advertising so I’m hoping it gets better. Even though I’ve been having less sex, I’ve been happy. I felt a huge sense of relief in navigating the storm of home repairs. I get stressed when I have multiple urgent incomplete projects hanging over my head. I’m in a much better headspace now.

Spiritual – spent some time sailing alone on the water. Enjoying the downtime and just listening to the wind and water.

Major_Seaworthiness · 2019-07-09T21:23:29+00:00

First Post and OYS here. 37 years old, ltr for about 17 years, two kids boy and girl 7 and 5. We get on well and have a lot of banter and laughs. But we're more like friends than partners. Sex is irregular, once a month maybe average, sometimes something wakes up and we go three times a week, sometimes can be three months. Long and short of it is I'm not attractive. We kiss properly only when having sex or else she pulls away from me.

I spent some time on here probably a year ago now and saw some good results. Lifting regularly, eating good, things around the house were so much better and lighter. Teasing her instead of bickering about bullshit etc. Fell off the wagon though, stopped the gym, ate like crap, sleeping poor, caffeine to get through the day, beers at night to relax. Not good. I'd come out of it every few weeks for a bit and then fall back into the negative spiral.

So, plan for this week is the absolute basics. I'm on the foundations of my MAP. Need to get this right and build positive momentum because I can't afford to fuck it up again.

find a gym with proper weights, my previous one has cleared most of the free weights space for machines
cut out all sugar and crisps
no energy drinks
at least 7 hours sleep a night
track calories and macros

Physically in the worse shape of my life, 6ft1 and 220lbs of mainly fat. Job number one is getting this back on track. Reading Mindful Attraction Plan this week.

SoggyTrain · 2019-07-09T21:55:53+00:00

OYS #2

Fitness: The good-put up 225x5 on bench today. Got 3 compliments from dudes at the lake and pool this weekend, no homo,wife was around to hear. The bad: Drank from Wednesday to Saturday, got the shits Saturday(still drank as I had a bags tournament with the wife and wasn't going to be a bitch cuz I was peeing out my butt). Only was able to lift 1x last week and 2x this week as leaving for a 5 day camping trip. OHP is maxed out and has turned into a push press, otherwise still getting stronger. Need to eat more.

Readings: Haven't read shit since last Wednesday, might not get much in until next week after camping trip. Just got Meditations in the mail tho.

Dread: No change, done with levels 1-2. Did get some new tank tops to show off, wife likes me in them I can tell. Which makes sense, we like chicks that show skin, why the fuck shouldn't we?

Finances: Still good, condensed 4 days into 3 last week, and only working 2 this week. Still making good money. I run by own business and do well. Going to crank it up when I get back, may need to hire another assistant to break some plateaus. Busy as fuck today, been trying to get this posted all day.

Frame: Still fuck this up. We were getting ready to go to the lake, I was packing coolers, wife was off in another room, she comes back and asks "Have you loaded X? Me: "No" Her"What have you been doing this whole time?" Me: "Packing these 2 massive coolers.". Felt like I made an excuse, but that is literally what I was doing. What the hell do I say in that situation?

Now I have been taking care of a lot of shit. I try to figure out what needs to be done ahead of time and do it. Also,if she mentions something needs done I take care of it ASAP, but do not tell her. So many times she will ask if I did X? I no longer have to DEER cuz the answer is simply "yes", and she just says, OK and shuts up.

Relationship: I'm slowly trying to increase the frequency to whenever the fuck I want.Initiated 3x since last Tuesday, no resistance at all. We had sex this past Saturday, then again Monday, so only 1 day off, and this is not typical. Pretty basic tho, tried some dirty talk Saturday in the beginning as we were both a little drunk, she was not playing along. I laughed about it. Because of some issues she can only do PIV, no going down or using toys for now. I want to push her boundaries and mine, and just do some kinkier shit. I want to be able to just let go and fuck her like an animal without any regard to her pleasure or feelings. Non sexual wise she has been more affectionate this past week.

Random: I get so sick of all these faggot men who refer to their wives as the boss. I've never said that my entire fucking life. No wonder so many men don't get laid. I heard it twice this weekend.

RP_PO · 2019-07-09T21:57:47+00:00

Edit: I’m an idiot

lighthouse143 · 2019-07-09T23:29:00+00:00

OYS 6

Stats

20 y/o. 11% BF (bodylab) 164 lbs, unmarried

Lifts

BP: 190x5 SQ 200x5 (+5) OHP 95x8

Mission

Acquire the knowledge to improve the quality of life of those around me. Be able to hold a conversation with anyone.

Physical/Health

Best shape of my life, but only up from here. Haven't been doing cardio other than basketball ~2-3 days per week.

Women

Hung out with the girl in last OYS, she's got a boyfriend but is looking to branch swing, we have plans to hang this week. Too bad she's going to find another monkey (or 2-3) on my branch. Honestly just using these women to develop abundance; I don't have the time nor place (w/ parents until mid-August) to chill 1-on-1. Might have to settle with my backseat. Abundance was a problem in my last relationship, once I stopped talking to multiple women I developed oneitis.

Mental

Reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Trying to become more stoic. Tired of my ex taking up real estate in my brain, I don't have time for that so I'm looking for a way to control my thoughts. A great analogy a coworker told me was; imagine standing next to a stream, a thought is a simple leaf floating down that stream, you can hold onto it or just let it go down the stream. I think of bad thoughts as a poison ivy leaf flowing down the stream, just don't pick it up and I'll be fine. I've been doing extremely well at keeping my brain at bay and I haven't been meditating.

Spiritual

Not the place to go into depths about spirituality, however, I've been reading about pantheism and think it's the most plausible outcome. Also, believe it'll lead me down a better road than atheism. Not completely turned off from Christianity, just feel that I can't be a Christian and follow an RP lifestyle because I have issues with the Christian teachings of marriage(soulmates, abstinence) knowing the truth about intersexual dynamics. Would feel guilty to be a Christian and break so many of the rules.

Red pilled men in my life

I have a ton of downtime at my work and have been getting pretty deep into conversations with my coworkers about various subjects. One coworker mentioned the manosphere (30M) and another (60M) asked me if I was aware of 'the red pill'. Don't talk about fight club, but these guys seemed to be familiar with RP concepts so I gave in a little. They seemed so willing to talk about RP concepts where I was uncomfortable sharing much. I know I still have BP tendencies, but they seemed fine about talking about women like manipulative harpies. Not sure if they're extreme or if I'm still choking on the pill.

Goals

don't accidentally get married

finish summer classes by July 26th (two weeks early)

get laid -- it has been a minute

evolvedearth · 2019-07-10T06:59:47+00:00

49, Married to 52-year-old wife with 9-year-old daughter. Married 10 years and together 22 years.

Reading sidebar again and observing my frame and where I live and in who's frame.

Sex: None in the last 2 years, I did straddle my wife this morning and told her I was staring at her nipples. I made it playful and was shocked that it seems to open things up for a few moments. The interesting reaction this evening when I get home from Judo, the wife is now telling me to clean bathroom and toilet. I started washing some clothes and she started telling me its too late and I loaded it with too many things. I feel this was some way to disconnect because after I cleaned the bathroom she said she can smell cleaning liquids in the bedroom so opted to sleep on the couch. So because I was all worked up from Judo and she went into the living room and shut off all of the lights. I wanted to get some air, so I took my computer and things and went to get food, and some air and left my place a few hours ago.

Fitness: Taking Judo and getting better also going to gym lifting and cardio

Socializing: Surprising this model girl I met at mediation keeps texting me now and calling me. What is funny is after she has opened up over the phone she is full of needs and things she wants to happen in life. Seems she has lots of stories. She keeps telling me of sexual stuff with her and other people and how wives are jealous of her and how guys have an inability to communicate about their feelings. REALLY...?? LOL

It's interesting because I straight out said to her, I am not interested in dating you. I have not filled her in on me being married and having a family because I am not sure she seems very needy. I did not want to share any stories about what is happening in my world that is not relevant to something positive and inspirational. It's amazing that someone so hot and a model can be so insecure about things. Perhaps I am uncertain if I should share my personal story, I feel like its better for me to listen and learn from her as I share advice. Honestly, she has lots of drama going on and I am like hmm, she is the time that could bat-crazy in any direction. Perhaps its a lesson around, what am I asking for and what comes with things that I want. I have fantasized about what could happen and it is very weird, she seems to call or text me at synchronistic moments.

What's interesting about the dreaming I have been doing is I am picturing how many are out there, that would love to spend time with me. In a way when I went to the gym yesterday, I thought a different way. I am working out for myself and the future women I will have from me loving me... It's not about the one I am with - it's about being the best version of myself. The funny aspect is by me having this girl texting me and calling me, I actually do not feel like I could care what my wife does and therefore I am feeling in a better more playful space, thinking hey if you do not feel inspired there are many that do .. and owning that!

Finance: Raising my credit score every week. Getting more clients for the business and doing things I feel passionate about for ME.

Self- Work: Been Meditating more every day. Making time for me to meditate and sit and breathe to get centered.

Frame:

Lately, I have been realizing how lost most people are in life. Talking to this model has put so much in perspective on many levels. So many insecure people who need stuff in life looking for direction. The new muscle I need to build is to figure out how to focus on what is best for me. When you start making progress the cob-webs can start to creep back in on you and that is when it's important to stay in your FRAME!

Major_Seaworthiness · 2019-07-10T23:09:55+00:00

First Post and OYS here. 37 years old, ltr for about 17 years, two kids boy and girl 7 and 5. We get on well and have a lot of banter and laughs. But we're more like friends than partners. Sex is irregular, once a month maybe average, sometimes something wakes up and we go three times a week, sometimes can be three months. Long and short of it is I'm not attractive. We kiss properly only when having sex or else she pulls away from me.

I spent some time on here probably a year ago now and saw some good results. Lifting regularly, eating good, things around the house were so much better and lighter. Teasing her instead of bickering about bullshit etc. Fell off the wagon though, stopped the gym, ate like crap, sleeping poor, caffeine to get through the day, beers at night to relax. Not good. I'd come out of it every few weeks for a bit and then fall back into the negative spiral.

So, plan for this week is the absolute basics. I'm on the foundations of my MAP. Need to get this right and build positive momentum because I can't afford to fuck it up again.

• find a gym with proper weights, my previous one has cleared most of the free weights space for machines

• cut out all sugar and crisps

• no energy drinks

• at least 7 hours sleep a night

• track calories and macros

Physically in the worse shape of my life, 6ft1 and 220lbs of mainly fat. Job number one is getting this back on track. Reading Mindful Attraction Plan this week.

Batman_Or_BruceWayne · 2019-07-11T05:45:33+00:00

Age	Height	Weight	BF
39	6'6	195 lbs	~17%	Married 15 yrs, 1 kid

Bench	Dead	Squat	OHP	Barbell row
95 lbs	140 lbs	95 lbs	45 lbs	75 lbs

Health & Fitness: Out of town last week, and have come down with the flu (again), so I haven't improved my lifts this week. Have got in a bunch of cardio though. Have put a lot of focus on fixing my stance and gait (turns out, I don't know how to walk).

Still researching whether it's worth putting more time and effort into the testosterone investigations after the blood test results.

Fun fact - I broke my dick 3 months ago. Dr said all we could do was give it time and see how it heals. 3 months was his timeframe, which is now up so I went back today to get a referral to a urologist. Not super excited about the options which seem to boil down to "live with it" or "surgery on your dick", but I'll keep working through the process and see where I land.

Reading: Haven't touched WISNIFG since I last closed it up. Struggling to make time to read with everything else on at the moment.

Social: Good weekend at the local car racing - good to spend a few days away from the family on a "boys trip". Have a family + friends camping trip in a couple of weeks, looking forward to that.

Hobbies: No martial arts this week just gone due to being sick - no one wants to get mashed up against someone else's snotty face. Overdue repairs on some of our camping gear, so tinkering around with power tools, grinding, welding, painting, etc. I really enjoy building/fixing things, and like to improve my fab skills.

Family: Saw the Dr about the daughter's bed time. He's not concerned at this time, and thinks she'll grow out of it soon. Which is good news. School holidays still, so took the opportunity to go out for a family lunch today somewhere nice - one of the perks of running your own business. Both daughter and I are looking forward to the camping trip - it'll be good fun.

Relationship: More down than up this week, but I'm overall happy with the direction it continues to head in (albeit very slowly). Shark week, so no sex (or anything remotely resembling it). That normally drags out to around 10-14 days these days, so I expect the same report next week.

Good: Interesting point: wife apologised for getting her period the other night and for "not being able" to have sex. I didn't make a big deal out of it, told her that's just how it works, but that since her mouth isn't on it's period I'll expect a good blow job later tonight. Giggles were had and butts were smacked.
Bad: That night she went to bed early by herself. This is a common theme for us - if last-minute rain-checks were dollars, I'd be a millionaire. I'm aware that I need to challenge this.

Fights have been had this week about daughter's bed time and inability to go to sleep. Good opportunity to model being the Oak. Calm, unworried, "this is what we're going to do", "this is what the Dr said, let's just run it his way for a few weeks and see", etc. A lot of repetition, as if you're talking to a preschooler. Don't let it fluster me. A good insight into the emotional roller-coaster that her brain is on. Reinforces the different way men and women think/feel/experience. I find I'm more and more easily able to embody a stoic perspective these days with continued reading, which really helps in these "discussions". Previously I'd debate individual points, and try to win points, and want to control the whole thing. Now I find it much easier to disregard that which cannot be immediately changed by me, and focus on the plan that we can influence in a calm and confident way.

Work: Honestly - I've been slack this past fortnight. I don't have much to show for it, and that'll be reflected in this month's invoicing. But, it's school holidays and I've been taking time off during the day to either have a longer lunch with the family, knock off early, or get materials to prep for this camping trip. So it's swings and roundabouts. However it's time to knuckle down again now and get hustling.

Current thoughts: I have been thinking more and more on:

Building a plan for the wife to assist her with her self-esteem. Following on from last week's post, I've become increasingly convinced that this is a root of a lot of our currently troubles. I don't need to fix this for her, but I do actually like her and I think that if she can lose some weight, get fitter, and generally start to relax in her body then the rest of the pieces will fall into place. IE, helping her here may mean it'll be easier for me to drive the result I want in our lives. I suspect that at the moment she can't see a way out - she feels trapped and overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. I now feel that she needs someone to take the lead here and simply tell her what she needs to do.
The nail in the forehead video. I still don't get it. I just don't. Pull the bloody nail out and move on. I know it's not about the nail but about how the nail makes her feel, and I know that I should embrace her feelz, and "don't fix the problem, fix her feelz" - but why not just pull the damn thing out and circumvent the whole thing? Why fart-arse around here, still being in pain, but talking and sympathising about how hard it is to deal with the pain? Clearly I'm completely missing the point here, and that bugs me.
This morning, the wife told me "you don't talk to me any more" while we were having our morning coffee. This was after she asked about my plans for the day and I mentioned the Dr apt. I take that as a bit of a compliment now. Previously I'd have spent days asking what she thought about seeing the Dr, and what the problems were, whether she thought it was worth it, if she could book the appointment for me, and so forth. On the downside however, it does reinforce that I need to pick up my act when it comes to talking to her about my vision for us all - something I realised last week that I simply haven't ever done. After all, the objective isn't to confuse the hamster and drive it deeper and deeper into an unsolvable maze - that's just cruel. I need to start nudging it in the right direction by showing her what the end game could be like. Reference back again to u/Blarg_Risen's excellent post - specifically "I didn't know it could work this way".

That's it for today.

Vegasman20002 · 2019-07-13T17:47:37+00:00

OYS #1 been at MRP for a month or so. Married 19 years 2 kids (15 and 9).

Health

5'7" 160 33 waist. Just bought body fat calipers to get data. 50 yo.

Reading

Finished Rational Male, NMMNG and almost done with Way of the Superior Man. Reading sidebar everyday. Have a notebook of idea gained and writing down practical applications. Halfway through 48 Laws of Power (which I have read a few times throughout the years) .

Wardrobe

As part of my work in progress I am ditching my old wardrobe bit by bit. Signed up for Stitch Fix- you select styles you like and they put together outfits for you. Anything that looks like what I wear now is downvoted by me, so trying for a complete change.

First outfit was a hit. All slim fit stuff and casual jacket from Brooks Brothers. Immediately notice some female attention at work. Many older women my age and slightly younger, guys there are all BP schlubs like me. So it was a pathetic form of peacocking I suppose.

Within a few days already wife shit testing me and I failed to STFU and fail. Conversation almost akin to a main event: you don't love me, we fight all the time so why are we together (which is false), I am so sick of this I want to move out...etc. I basically say "do what you need to" and try to rebut her arguments with logic. For example: she says "you don't want to spend time with me, we cannot even sit in companionable silence." Me: wtf we do that every day for a few hours..and cite examples.

Lifting

Bench 120 lb barbell row 100 biceps curl 50lbs. Cannot do squats because of hip impingement and labral tear but looking for alternative leg exercises.

Sex

Tough one- I have posted a few about her already: she is 5 feet 200 lbs, double what she was when we got married. Has Hashimotos and says it makes it hard to lose weight. She does exercise hard cardio every day (I watch her). No attraction whatsoever. But trying to see where I am at I send her a text about getting a BJ. She makes a joke about a trio to BJs and next day gets her period. No butthurt. But it is once a month we have sex. It is good sex and I usually get a BJ during it.

I struggle with applying MRP here: much of it is about getting sex but what if I don't really want it?

Frame

Virtually non-existent. I have trouble coming up with one: I am pretty stoic and aloof and try to maintain that as a frame, but very hard to keep it. Mother was emotionally and physically abusive and I am very sensitive to female criticism. Not an excuse just an explanation. I know my issue and try to keep my mind clear as best I can during the shit testing.

It's only been a month. My body looks better but jeez I have so much work to do. Right now focus is on lifting and getting Frame.

TheNoncaringMurse · 2019-07-15T19:58:04+00:00

44, 268lbs, probably 28%+ body fat. getting back into the gym went this morning at 430am feeling great after. Trying to watch my diet. House shopping today. I have a gf 25yo same career as mine, she follows me around everywhere and desires me immensely. Wants to fuck everyday, sometimes I reject her just to keep her coming back for more. Have some minor dread 3-4 with girls at the gym, hot realtor, coworkers stuff like that. Just really studying up on the sidebar and trying to learn. Thank you.

resolutions316 · 2019-07-09T13:08:06+00:00

Quick check in this week - super busy as I'm leaving for tour on Thursday. Want to keep the habit, though.

Sex three times this week; things have been good between the wife and I. Flirty, fun. She took the initiative during sex to sit on my face, which shows effort on her part. Cool.

Continuing the new workout, higher reps and sets, much lower rest, plus cardio - it's all killing me. Very sore. Looking OK.

Looks like our new ad funnel is underperforming. Never take your eyes off the numbers!

When I go to sleep by 8:30, I feel amazing. But I have no life and no time with the wife. Hmmm.

Looking forward to tour, then a few days vacation with the family (they're flying out to meet me at our last show). Should be a fun experience.

redninja77 · 2019-07-09T23:31:10+00:00

OYS #3

I want to share my stats (age, weight, height, # kids, years married, etc.) but worry a little bit that might make it easy for someone to reverse engineer my identity. I'm curious what others' thoughts are on that? I saw someone mention OPSEC related to posting here once…?

Reading

Have read NMMNG, Rational Male, TWOSM

I'm reading MMSLP and listening to WISNIFG audio book right now.

Fitness

Continuing to go to the gym and lift daily. Bench press 1RM is 215. Dead lifts and squats not very good need to work on those. I'm going to get my body fat measured at my gym tomorrow. Navy method was like 40% which I think is off.

Went to my first BJJ class today - it was fun.

Relationship

She's been very cold the last week or so. No sex at all. I've been continuing to reset each morning and initiate gradually. Sometimes that's cuddling at night, sometimes that's just talking to her a little bit here and there.

She said "don't touch me" the other day in front of the kids when she was in the kitchen and was talking by me and I just gave her a little touch.

But then yesterday she made a comment about me wanting a prettier wife or something like that. That was kinda wild came out of left field - I just laughed and said "you just need to be nice to me" - she said "no you don't deserve it" and I just laughed about it.

I've been thinking that maybe I should talk to someone about divorce prep - if for nothing else just to get a better idea of what to expect in that scenario. I haven't finished reading the sidebar divorce content so I need to do that. If anyone has recs on how to find a lawyer to talk to, let me know.

Social

Went hiking again recently, which was fun. Also there's definitely a social component to the BJJ which is cool.

Planning to do more hiking. I was also thinking of going to a comedy club but not sure if going by myself will be boring/weird or not. Maybe I should just go for it?

One thing I was thinking of doing was inviting my wife to go salsa dancing and if she says no to say that I'm going by myself. Used to really enjoy salsa dancing and haven't done it for a while. That might be overkill to go dancing solo as a married guy though. I've been realizing that I've been going rambo and trying to scale that back so I'm guessing this isn't a good idea.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - July 09, 2019
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	21
Comments	418
Date	July 9, 2019 8:24 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cay1xx/own_your_shit_weekly_july_09_2019/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-july-09-2019.244931 https://theredarchive.com/post/244931

Comments

OYS #34

OYS #23

Overview

Body

Lifting

Diet

Mind

Reading

Frame

Relationships

Wife

Children

Friends

Career / Finances

Goals

OYS 051 190709

Stats:

Diet

Goals

Rule Zero… End Game.

Goals

Social Life

Secondary Mission x2